'Kandary'
The kids woke up a lot sooner than I'd have liked. Since it was still very early we all went down to the kitchens for breakfast, maybe with a full stomach they would calm down a bit. The good thing is that the night went by without nightmares: neither theirs nor mine. But I woke up with a strange feeling in my stomach, why?
I tried to ignore that kind of bad omen taste and lit the fireplace in the small living room (neither Frea nor Manroy had arrived yet), made tea and I was serving it when Leri said he'd heard noises in the yard and insisted that we go to investigate.
There we found Link, lying in the snow, and Impa on guard, urging him to get up.
"Good morning, Your Highness," she said, seeing me standing there with the kids.
"Good morning, that looks like more than just training," I observed. Link was dirty after falling several times to the ground and as he snorted he filled the air with white clouds of breath.
"Damn it... You caught me off guard," he grumbled.
"Yes. That's exactly what you said the other two times I've dismantled your guard with one single hand," Impa teased him.
He was angry. He shouldn't fall into Impa's traps if he wanted to have a slight chance against her, I knew it well, but he was so stubborn that I was sure he wasn't going to change his strategy.
And so he charged like a furious ox, raising the training sword with both hands above his head. Impa took a delicate step and dodged it. When Link wanted to turn back, Impa struck him with the pommel of her sword and he fell backwards in the snow.
"Enough for today," she said, squinting, "tomorrow we'll try again."
"No, wait..."
"You can't even get up, Captain Link. And your mind is as lost as a moblin's, it's impossible to move in battle under your condition," Impa approached us, leaving her victim on the ground, "shall we have breakfast, princess?"
"Yes... Take the kids with you, I'll carry Link."
The twins looked in amazement at Impa and didn't complain, surely they had never seen their brother fall defeated in such an astonishing way. I held out my hand to Link to help him up, he was a real mess.
"Your nose bleeds, you have to cut that bleeding," I pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket.
"It's nothing, it's a scratch," he protested, still angry at Impa.
"It's not a scratch, if it keeps bleeding like this you'll get dizzy. How can you think of facing Impa?"
"I had to show her," he finally relented and accepted my handkerchief, which was quickly soaked in blood.
"Show her what?"
"It's something between me and her."
"Alright, keep your secrets. You're much worse than a kid."
"Wait," he stopped me, seeing that I was trying to leave him there with his nose bleeding and with his stubbornness, "I go with you."
He grabbed my hand and that made me relive everything that had happened the night before. Not just the kisses, but also the words. He told me he "really liked me", and he hadn't chosen to keep our marriage just for the promise. I was sure that "liking" had something to do with his decision to stay married, just as my feelings for him had defined mine. The situation was impossible, it made me want to grin like an idiot, I couldn't believe how lucky I was to find someone like him. That reminded me of the seer of his village, and the things she told me, and suddenly the wrong feeling in my stomach came back.
"Have you slept well? Have the kids bothered you?"
"I've slept very well, and so have they, luckily."
"I haven't slept a wink," he squeezed my hand, "I'm... I don't know."
"I don't know either," I grinned. The butterflies in my stomach suddenly woke up and eliminated the discomfort.
"I'd like it to be spring and travel with you," he said, with a kind of shyness that sometimes surfaced, "I thought about it during the night. I've figured out how to organise everything and where to go. I feel like traveling and discovering those places you told me about. With you. That's why I couldn't sleep last night."
"I wish it was spring tomorrow," I shyly admitted, making him chuckle.
"But we're doomed. Spring is too far away, and things are tough in the West now."
"While spring arrives, you might consider a much shorter trip. Move into the upstairs bedroom, for example. It's not as cold and horrible as you imagine. And I've been told there is a door leading to a viewpoint with amazing views."
"Yes, I might consider it," he grinned.
"Good."
"Wait." He made us stop our way to the fortress, "the hallway thing was good, we could just repeat it for a moment before breakfast."
He made me laugh, I had it coming since he grabbed my hand.
"You should have thought about that before you let Impa break your nose, let me help you."
I recovered the handkerchief and managed to try to cut off his bleeding. Even if we cut off the blood, his nose would swell and it would look bad for at least a day. What the hell did he want to show Impa? While I tried to concentrate on his nose, he nailed his blue eyes on me, that look of his, and put his hands on my waist. An unnecessary gesture that only served to make me even more nervous.
"Link, Zelda! I was looking for you."
"Frea!" We both exclaimed, Link pulled his hands away as fast as if I burned.
"What's going on here?" She frowned suspiciously.
"Nothing, it's just that Link's been in a training accident and I'm helping to cut the bleeding."
"Okay. I was looking for you because the kids are having breakfast already, and Manroy got this when he went to check on the messaging hawks. An urgent message has arrived from Fort Hawk early in the morning."
Link opened the message and his face changed completely when he read it.
"I have to go. Tell Manroy to saddle the horse. I need some supplies."
"Just a minute, where are you going in such a hurry? What does that message say?"
"They've summoned a kandar at Fort Hawk."
"A kandar? What is a kandar?"
"I don't have time, Zelda. Frea, I need to go, please."
"Yes, right now I'm warning Manroy," Frea walked away obediently.
He walked with energy leaving me behind. I hated it when he got like this.
"Where the hell do you think you're going? Aren't you going to answer me or what?"
"Zelda, I don't feel like arguing now. You'll stay here safe with my siblings and that's all I have to say about it."
"Maybe you just like to pretend I'm not your prisoner when I am."
"How the hell can you say that?"
He clenched his fists and I saw him really angry but when he behaved like a horrible barbarian he got me angry too.
"Perfect, do what you want. Don't tell me about your stupid message, I'll find out on my own."
"Take care of the kids," he growled, and ran away to the armoury.
I still can't explain how I can go from melting like an idiot next to Link to wanting to slap him, he's so stubborn... but I'd had enough of all that, so I let him think whatever he wanted. I let him make his preparations, and I didn't bother to ask what a kandar is again. I let him leave without even saying goodbye to me, I think he deliberately avoided me. As for me, I decided to make my own plans and for that I needed to get past a tough obstacle: Impa. With no time to lose, I went to my quarters at the top of the Nest and asked Frea to look for Impa, that I needed to meet her. Alone.
"What is it, Your Highness?"
"Close the door, Impa."
She obeyed and went into my quarters. It was obvious that I was packing and she arched an eyebrow and grimaced.
"You promised to obey me and my family," I said, while I was still stuffing a winter change of clothes into my travel backpack.
"Whatever it is, it's not a good idea."
"You promised to obey," I looked her in the eye, "I'm going after Link."
"It's exactly what you shouldn't do."
"No one can help that, much less him. I'm tired of him leaving me behind, I want to be in the kandar too, whatever a kandar is. I want to go with him."
"Fort Hawk is closer to the enemy, for a reason we travel here with Link's siblings."
"If you're going to say something I know for a fact, you'd better shut up," I growled, "I'm not in the mood."
"But it's not a good idea, it's against my principle of protecting you."
"I need you to do something for me," I stopped to face her. It was hard. "My orders are for you to stay here and protect the Eagle's Nest, you and your Eyes. You will prevent the passage of enemies and take care of Link's siblings."
"But-
"I'm still the princess of Hyrule, don't forget it."
"No. I don't forget it, Your Highness."
"If I hurry, I'll catch up with Link along the way and be safe with him."
As safe as I could be with him when he found out what I had done, of course. This last changed Impa's face, as she weighed it up and realised that if I went with him, it wasn't the same as if I wandered around on my own.
"He just departed, if you hurry, you'll soon find his trail. I know Link and he'll take the forest trail."
"Thank you. You're not moving out of here until I'm back, you promise?"
"I promise, Your Highness."
It was freezing cold, but my blood was more than hot. And I felt the thrill of having defied the sheikah and my husband in a single move.
Impa was right, he rode along the forest path. I was relieved to see his horse's hoof prints still in the snow. I decided that as long as I could see the trail I would not approach him, I would do so when it was too late to turn back. Link was a very fast and tireless rider anyway, I doubted he would stop and it would be difficult for me to catch up with him, I'd just have to follow him.
At a certain point I started to feel a bit tired, it was difficult to maintain the tension of the chase for so long in a row. I wondered what would have made him take off like that. Even though we had taken a very important step in our relationship he still kept me a bit on the side of the ways of his people, and maybe he did it to protect me, but it was inevitable that I felt a bit rejected. Was it so hard to share everything? Besides, I was too curious not to poke my nose in, I admit, but it was logical that I wanted to know more if my destiny was to be part of the peoples of the West.
Suddenly, I stopped seeing the prints. When the hell did that happen? I stopped. I didn't know that path well, but I just had to move on, hadn't I? I moved the reins for the horse to turn around, I wanted to see if Link had strayed, because it hadn't snowed since I left, so there was no reason for the tracks to have been erased.
"Soldier!"
Link's voice emerged from the thicket of the forest, but I saw no trace of him.
"Stop following me! Go back to your mistress Impa! This meeting is not for your tribe!"
Of course, he had mistaken me for one of Impa's Eyes. She lent me one of her outfits and also made me travel with the hood and mask on my face.
"I'm not an Eye!"
There was silence, and then a rustling in the bushes, as if there was a wild boar stirring everything. He appeared, pulling on his horse's rein, surely it was Impa who had taught him to hide like that. He approached me as if he didn't quite believe what he had heard, but as soon as he looked into my eyes, I saw his eyes burn.
"Damn it, Zelda..."
I got off the horse, I expected that reaction or an even worse one. He was outraged. He couldn't even talk because if he did, he'd throw up some of his barbarian growls.
"I'm good, Link. As you can see, nothing wrong happened."
"I don't understand why you're like this, really, by Or and by the thousand hells," he waved his head.
"And I don't understand why you're like this either, but I have no intention of being left behind once again."
"This doesn't make any sense," he clenched his fists.
"Not for you. It makes all the sense in the world to me."
"If anything wrong happens to you, I won't be responsible."
Still grumbling and mumbling curses he got on the horse and started galloping like I wasn't there. Of course he tried to make it difficult for me, but I managed to follow him closely. That way we reached the boundary of Fort Hawk, at last I could see the fortress' walls in the distance. There he stopped, got off his horse and made me do the same.
"Are you going to be mad at me forever or what?" I reproached him, "you can't leave me out of your life, Link, you can't, you understand? I'm your wife, and that means I am with all the consequences. I don't know what a kandar is, but I want to know. I've left Impa with the kids, they'll be safe and nothing wrong will happen to them, but I want to participate in the kandar and everything else. I don't want to spend days thinking about what the hell you're doing out there."
I blurted out my whole speech as he sighed smugly.
"Only the leaders of the Western clans come to the kandar. Men. Women cannot participate, whether they are the wives of such leaders or not. Whether they're my wife or not. Whether they're the damn princess of Hyrule or not."
"Wonderful" I snorted, folding my arms.
"My dad is sick, Zelda. And right now, they've summoned the kandar. Hell. I couldn't say it in front of everyone or the kids. Dad was wounded with a poisoned dagger during the battle of the siege to Fort Hawk. It was just a scratch, but from that moment his wound became infected and now he's feverish and in bed."
"Link I... I didn't know that."
"The kandar was summoned to clear things up with the mountain clans, whether or not they are traitors will come to light. And it will be very dangerous and my dad is not in a position to defend us. We're alone this time."
"Will he be cured?"
"I don't know," he sighed.
"I'm so sorry, Link."
"Hell, dammit" he cursed. Then he stared at me in an intense way, in his style, "you know? You've managed to fool me with that look."
"It was Impa's idea."
"If you don't open your mouth, you could pass for one of those sheikah who go with her."
"A young sheikah who can go as a guest to a kandar of men."
"Zelda..."
I saw him soften, he almost laughed at my occurrence and that was my chance to act.
"Thank you for letting me go with you, Link! I promise not to open my mouth, I swear, I will be silent like a rock, I will be obedient and-
"Stop, stop," he interrupted me, "this is so fucking crazy…"
"It's not if we work together. Together we can fool everyone."
He sighed again and looked at me, arms in a jug.
"You won't open your mouth, you'll stay in the shade with your hood on. You will obey me in everything without squealing, whether you like my orders or not."
"I promise."
"And I will say that you are a sheikah representative who will support our war with Ikana on Rhoam's behalf. And most of all, you won't look anyone in the eye, understood? Your eyes are too… noticeable."
"Link, I promise you it will be all right."
"The gods are going to punish me for putting a woman in a kandar. I'm cursed already."
He made me laugh, he rolled his eyes and ran away pulling the reins of the horse.
"You shouldn't laugh like that or everyone will notice," he protested.
"And you shouldn't be so grumpy. Acknowledge at once that you are glad I'm here."
"Never."
Link allowed me to keep teasing him until we were closer to the walls of the fortress. Then I saw the tension growing in his jaw, as a sudden thing, and I adopted a silent pose as we had agreed.
The costume thing was exciting, but it wasn't the best solution either. I couldn't accompany Link when he went to see his dad, I had to spend most of the time waiting in a grain shed near the stables. It was even more boring than when I had Hyrule History classes with priest Meuru. I waited countless hours for Link, he said he would come to fetch me for the kandar, that if I accompanied him all the time I would arouse suspicion. He also told me that Impa's Eyes usually chose to stay in the stables, slept in the grain sheds at their request (sheikah stuff and their systematic distrust of others), and if I did the same everyone would take it as normal, because they had become used to such outlandish visits.
Link didn't show up until nightfall, looking worried and tired.
"How's your dad? How's it going?"
"I don't know, he was asleep and I haven't even been able to talk to him," he sighed, "Mopai's with him, and that's the only thing that makes me feel a little calm."
"What about Aldry?"
"She asked about the kids, I told her they were safe with you and Impa. Let's go. Put that hood on, let's go to the kandar. Has anyone seen you? Have you talked to anyone?"
"Yes, I met some very nice guys at the stables and told them about my experience as a princess of Hyrule, is that wrong?"
"Damn it...," he growled.
I let out my last laugh under his nose and we walked in silence across the huge esplanade between the stables and the parade ground. There was icy snow on the stone surface and the ground was shiny and slippery.
"Link... " I whispered.
"Silence. I'll tell you everything, okay? So you can write it down in your mind notebook. But you have to resist the temptation to talk or ask me questions, all right? Even if it's impossible for you to shut your mouth you must learn to do it."
"It's clear, grumpy captain."
We were deviating through the door that I once walked through with Impa to go to Mopai's hut in the woods. Many men greeted Link as he passed and looked away from me. He was right, the sheikah presence was already very normalised among the barbarian people.
"You know, Eye? Kandar are celebrated in the open air. They are an ancient tradition of the barbarian peoples. The barbarians have never been able to agree on a single king, they all think they are sons of Or and have fought for centuries to be the chief. But there can be no chief among the barbarians, so they are all chiefs. When there is a war or when an enemy is lurking, a kandar is held. There the barbarians discuss around a circle of fire what decision the clans should make."
I nodded with a smile, though since I wore a mask it was left only for me. We walked a little further, going into the woods and saw two figures approaching us from the thicket, a man and a woman. I knew who the man was, he was one of the barbarians of the mountains who had participated in the Games.
"Link!" exclaimed the woman when she saw us, but she changed her face suddenly, as if holding back.
"Wow, wow. The lost captain comes to the kandar," the barbarian said. That's why he hadn't been to dinner, he was one of the nasty barbarians who didn't want us well.
"Ugal. I'm glad you came to the kandar. It's good to see you too, Eve." Link greeted.
Oh, Eve! The woman was Link's Eve! Suddenly I got very nervous, so I shook my head and looked at the ground, resisting any temptation to react or inspect Eve, as my instinct asked.
"It's always a pleasure to come to Fort Hawk, you know that," she said.
"It's a pleasure having you around.", Link replied.
"Link... Ugal and I-
"I know," he interrupted, "my men told me about your engagement to Ugal. I wish you every happiness in your marriage."
"Thank you, Captain Link," Ugal intervened, "we will have happiness and dozens of strong barbarians to grow the clan, as it should be, with pure barbarian blood, no strange mongrels."
"That's fine, children are one of Or's best blessings."
I don't know how Link could dodge such provocation, he was too kind... My blood boiled a thousand times more easily than his, I wouldn't have spoken so courteously to that moron.
"I see you've brought one of your strange little friends to the kandar."
"Yes. It's Adlez, from the sheikah tribe. King Rhoam has promised to assist in this conflict and wanted to send a trusted emissary to show support."
Adlez... He couldn't say such thing and hope I didn't react by dropping a laugh.
"Welcome to the west, Adlez," Eve said. I had my head down, but I gestured as a greeting.
"How shy your foreign allies are, Link, it's courtesy to respond, even if we're barbarians.", Ugal said, with his continuous provocation.
"He would if he could. Adlez is a sheikah of the dark tribe. All the members of his tribe have their tongues cut off."
"How curious...," Ugal mumbled, "anyway. I'm going to escort Eve to our quarters. I'll see you at the kandar."
"Link, your dad...," Eve said.
"Come on, woman. Don't make me be late," Ugal growled.
He pulled Eve and they both walked away from us. Link was tense and had his ice look. I guess it was painful. Yes, it had to be very annoying to see someone you care about subjected to such a moron. I... I was jealous. And I know I shouldn't, but... I still felt unsure about my relationship with Link and he was still affected to meet Eve.
"In the Kandar there is always a circle of fire," Link said, once we resumed our walk into the forest, "the fire is the key that opens the door of Or's house. That is why fire must be present, in case our god wants to impart justice among the chiefs. He's the judge of the kandars."
Oh, no. It was interesting, but I didn't want him to tell me about it. I thought he'd say something about Ugal or Eve. Or Eve, more than anything.
"We will stand on one side of the circle, you behind me. You'll see that there is a cane decorated with eagle feathers and a wolf's tail. It is the cane of parliament. Only the one who holds it in his hand will have the floor."
We finally got to the place. The fire glowed in the middle of a clearing in the forest, illuminating the nearby trees with its flames. Many barbarians were already there, some looking serious, others drinking from a horn with laughter. This was the case of the drunken Kruu, of course. Chief Grimla was the one who greeted us.
"Welcome, Link."
They greeted each other by grabbing each other's arms to the elbow. That day Grimla wore the skin of a wolf over his head, a well-dissected animal with all its teeth preserved and two black glowing stones for eyes. I wondered why Link was wearing his skins, paints and Or's helmet and not his wine-coloured tunic from the Nest. I would have to save my question for later.
"Grimla, this is Adlez. He comes in the name of King Rhoam of Hyrule."
Grimla greeted me bowing his head and I did the same.
"Foreigners cannot be kandary, Link, however much they represent a king."
"I know. He'll stay out of it. He's just here as a witness."
"Well, in that case, you're welcome to the kandar of Fort Hawk, Adlez."
I nodded again and Link explained again that my tongue had been cut off. I felt like he was intentionally teasing me, both with my name and with me being mute, he had become a tense situation in a fun game.
Drums called the crowd to order. I had to admit it was thrilling, it gave me goose bumps. The dark night of the new moon. The drums, the flames rising and illuminating the dreary, wintry trees. The barbarians dressed in furs, animal fangs, with war paint obscuring their eyes, serving to honour their god. It was a unique spectacle.
An elderly barbarian I had never seen before appeared, raising the special cane, and the barbarians took their positions in the circle. I took a few steps behind Link, as he had told me. I was not the only one, there were more witnesses and companions in the kandar.
"Urrr agh mi dovaken kandary!"
All the barbarians howled to answer the old man's call. I secretly begged that the meeting wouldn't be held in any barbarian dialect, otherwise I wouldn't be able to understand a word.
"Thank you brethren for attending the seventy-eighth kandar of Or. Today, under this black moon and the flames of the Great Gate, the elder brothers of the tribes of Or will decide their fate."
Black moon? That's what the barbarians should call the new moon. The sheikah also revered those days. It was the moon of the shadow. Those days were always a little scary, maybe because of my childish superstition. The priests of the Order of Light in Hyrule said that during the shadow moon the White Goddess Hylia couldn't use her powers to protect her people, it was like a kind of covenant between gods, she made them a small transfer, since the other days the moon always had a minimum of light and therefore the Goddess could use her influence. Amy said that if I spilled the salt on a shadow moon day I would have ten years of bad luck. She spent those days praying and performing all sorts of strange anti-bad luck rituals - how could those days not seem strange to me when I had heard nothing but superstitions since I was a child?
"Brethren of the Bear, Wolf Fang, Rhino, White Fox, Crow, Ox, Ferret, Horse, Eagle and Hawk. You're kandary."
"Kandary!" shouted all the representatives of the clans and tribes he had named, even Link shouted. I didn't know there were so many clans, I only knew of a few.
"Welcome also to the guests, witnesses of what needs to be discussed tonight."
I stood still and silent to mimic what others did. No one did anything so much better like this, we were mute and immobile guests.
"I grant the cane of parliament to Grimla, brethren of the Wolf Fang."
Grimla stepped forward and firmly grabbed the cane. Then, he turned to Link.
Notes:
"Kandar" and "Kandary" are words I made up, so they have no translation :) I also like to imagine that the barbarians have their own ancestral language, even if it's not in use.
I hope you like the kandar!
-Juliet