Lie By Default

Ch2

I find her in the bay window, hands resting limply in her lap. I crawl through the open window and sit down across from her. She looks at me, and I can see the hurt and the hope looking back. Her light is shadowed by them. She didn't have shadows before. Not these kinds. These kinds are made by hurtful words. I'll do anything to burn them away, even if the entire world burns, too.

"We have something to talk about, you and me," I say, resisting reaching out when that's all I want to do.

"I don't like it when we fight."

"I'm going to be your friend for the rest of your life," I tell her (because even when I inevitably die before her, I will hover at her side as a ghost). "We're going to have some conflicts along the way."

"What do we do?" she asks, voice sounding small. Her voice should never sound small.

"We will work them out. We will always work them out because we're friends. And if things get rough, maybe we'll throw some ice cream at each other, but we'll still be friends. Because that's what reasonable people do."

"So, we have no conflict anymore?" Her eyes dim.

"No. Now we have a new one…" Her eyes get wetter, but she doesn't drop them like I would when I want to cry- am about to cry. "Why wouldn't you come to me? How could you not come to me if someone is bullying you?"

She presses her lips together and her forehead wrinkles deeper in her effort to hold them in. "I'm humiliated, Maya." She rubs her palms flat along her pants. "I didn't want you to see me humiliated."

"Did you think it would just go away?" I ask. When has anything like this ever just gone away?

She nods, lips trembling. "It's getting worse."

I take a deep breath, trying to shove the anger down, down, down.

"Do you know the difference between a conflict with a bully and a conflict with a friend?"

"What?" she asks, watery. I close the distance between us and pull her body into me. I hug her, hard, and she immediately sinks against me. "You're the worst bully ever, Peaches," she sniffs, arms still hanging limply in her lap.

"I know," I try to comfort. "Peaches the bully just doesn't strike fear into the heart of anybody."

She shifts, so I reluctantly let go and scoot backwards even though it feels too soon to be letting go. "I called you a bully and I ice-creamed you. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay."

"But you'll get back at me for the ice cream-"

"Oh, yeah, and you're never going to see it coming," I play along with the teasing, hoping to lighten the mood, but something is still incredibly wrong.

"Couldn't you just tell me right before you do it?"

"No, Honey, that would hurt my enjoyment." She's still too stiff, too guarded. Her brief smile drops again.

"Sorry I took everything out on you."

I shrug. "It's okay." I wish she would take it out on me more (I quickly shove that unhelpful, self-destructive, thought away). "You had to take it out on somebody. I'm glad you felt safe enough to take it out on me… And I'm sorry I didn't hear what you were trying to say earlier."

Riley finally drops her eyes away and then raises them toward the ceiling. "Well, I will never go at you again."

"No, it's okay. I can take it," I insist. Next time, I'll be ready. But there won't ever be a next time if I have anything to do with it. "Let it all out-"

"I'm better now." I don't even get to finish my sentence before she's interrupting. She's staring me in the eye again, her expression shutting down. I notice everything, now, cataloging it, and my fury burns.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure you are. That's good." She nods along, unconvincingly, and silence stretches a few seconds. "Rileytown-"

"Stop saying that! People shouldn't make fun of other people- what did I ever do to you?" She presses her lips together angrily, hurt, and then she's letting everything out. She stands and puts distance between us to do it.

"You exist. You exist and you're weird and you get in the way of where I'm looking, so stop being weird, and stop being happy. No one should be that happy." She recites it to the air, like she's reading it off from her phone (or like the words have been playing in a loop in her head). She doesn't look at me. "Stop being who you are, or I'm going to put my foot in your weird, stupid, face."

I can't breathe. I can't swallow. There's a knot in my throat, but I somehow manage to speak around it. A shaky, "Okay," and it's not okay at all. The world is wrong, and gone all wonky.

She starts crying then, finally, and I can't even get my limbs to work to move to her. "I'm fine," she says, like there is anyone in the world who might believe her.

"I'm not," I snap, fire in my throat, behind my eyes, in my chest... in my fists. "How long?'

"A few weeks," she sobs. "This has been going on a few weeks."

My body moves, then, and I tug her tightly into me, but I can't even feel her. There is a scorching anger in me, but it makes me feel cold and numb. All I can do is hold on to my crying best friend. Bide my time.

"I tried dealing with this, but she's not a reasonable person. How do I handle this- I don't know how to handle this?!" It's a she. I file that away in my mind.

"You're not alone," I tell her fiercely.

"I thought I was supposed to learn how to handle a conflict," she mumbles wearily.

"You have a bully," I correct.

"-and I have a conflict?"

"You are incredibly screwy-"

"-and I'm screwy, and I have a bully, and I have a conflict?" She looks at me, and I can finally see a hint of the usual softness bleeding through her eyes. But she's still terribly desolate. "What a tough day in Rileytown."

Silence descends again as we look at each other, trying to figure out what to say, where to go from here. "Okay," I say, finally, with a restricted throat. "So now we know two things."

"What's that?"

"First, you are going to stay exactly who you are." She's looking to me so hopefully, so trustfully.

"What else?"

"You're going to tell me who it is, and Lucas and I are going to take care of it."

Her eyes widen. "What?"

"Farkle should have told the others what's going on by now, so I figure Ranger Rick will show up soon. We'll take care of this, Riley."

"Shoot!" she leaps to her feet. "Lucas is going to go crazy! We have to keep him out- help me!"

I only watch as she rushes about her room, grabbing at anything she can move to stack them in front of the window. I might be amused if I wasn't so eager to go crazy on the perpetrator, myself.

I have to move to the bed as she shoves me out of the way to stack her desk chair into my seat. Soon, the entire window is filled with stuff, but I have no doubt he can get through. If nothing else, he can come in through the door.

It's no sooner than she's put the last thing on top, when the middle is punched in and the whole thing come toppling down. She leaps away with a yelp as it spills to the ground, and Lucas climbs through, quickly followed by Farkle.

Zay pushes his way through the door with a bowl that looks like the last of my favorite cereal.

"We don't like it when you get like this. Tell him Maya."

"Riley doesn't like when you get like this."

"I don't think that it's right that she's always the first one to come help us, but she doesn't come to us when she needs help," he says, looking at all of us as he gestures emphatically. I can only agree.

"Okay. I'm sorry; I should have told you. I just didn't want to put this on you."

"We're friends," Farkle says.

"But, what if you're dealing with someone who-" her phone pings, immediately cutting her off. She presses her lips together before slowly drawing it out of her pocket. She looks down expressionlessly before dropping it to her side with a sigh. "Who just won't stop?"

I snatch her phone from her fingers before she can tuck it away and move to unlock it. Riley reacts instantly, jumping forward to take it back with a gasp.

Her arms are long, but she's always been clumsy and I duck around her, out of reach as I put in her passcode. My muscles freeze as I see the newest message on the long thread of received texts.

Slit your wrists you weirdo

Blood rushes through my ears as I scroll up and up and up of endless texts. Every now and then, one will pop up, sent from Riley, begging them to stop, but those dropped off.

My hand clenches around the phone, and the screen creaks so I shove it into my pocket and yank out my duffle bag from the closet. I haven't touched it since moving in, but now I pull out the hammer and brick I keep in there.

"Like this," I growl, clutching the familiar weight in my hands.

"What's that?!" Riley yelps, gaping at my weapons.

"What, never seen anyone use a hammer and brick in self-defense before?"

"But you're not planning to use them in self-defense, are you?" Farkle asks, narrowing his eyes in concern.

"We'll see." I lick my lips and turn to Lucas. "Let's go, Ranger Rick."

"Maya, you can't-" Riley says stepping toward me, but I dodge her outstretched arm.

"She's not getting away with this," I hiss at my best friends. "I won't let her. Now let's go, Lucas."

But the stiff anger in his jaw has turned to doubt and hesitation. "Maya, maybe we should slow down a moment."

"Fine then," I growl, getting angrier by the second the longer they look at me in disbelief. I avoid Riley's eyes entirely as I yank my empty backpack from the end of the bed, toss my tools in and then climb through the window. "I'll take care of it myself."

"Maya, wait!" Riley calls out as I slip onto the fire escape, but I ignore her.

Breaking into school is easier than I could have hoped. It helps that it's still fairly early in the evening and some of the clubs are just now ending. I catch the door before it can close on a cheerleader and slip into the silent hallway. The only locked door I come to is the principal's, which I pick easily.

I spent enough time in the underground, when I was little, that people knew me. They taught me things.

Riley was shocked about finding out about Texas Lucas, but I never told her about the darker streets of Mayaville. When I was younger, whenever I couldn't spend every second with Riley, I was so different. I used to run around with these two girls from my neighborhood.

We were so full of hate.

I think I used to scare them. I used to scare myself (I still do sometimes). We'd break things and get into fights. But the difference between Lucas and I, with the fighting, is that he got into fights to protect the people he cared about. I got into fights because I was angry (I'm still angry a lot of times- so angry it makes my insides blister).

I find the name quickly. Riley had saved her bully's name into her contact, so it's quite easy to find her address. Madison Burges.

The sun glows orange off the buildings as I push through the crowded streets toward the subway. Riley's phone burns a hole in my pocket, so I pull it out as I wait for my stop, scrolling through the horrible and mean messages sent to my best friend.

It looks like it started out small, and Riley would actually send messages back and ask questions and try to help (she always wants to help- even those who don't deserve or want it), but eventually her responses drop off as the texts continue, get meaner. This last week, leading up to the newest text telling Riley to slit her wrists, there are no responses at all from Riley (she'd given up).

Why didn't I realize something was really wrong sooner?

I push out the automatic doors as I reach my stop and walk the short distance until I'm standing in front of the right apartment building. I don't know what I'm going to do when I catch sight of Madison Burges. Would I even recognize her?

The sun has dropped even lower by now. It's sinks behind the tall buildings.

I turn and climb the fire escape across from the apartment building, settling down with my feet hanging over the edge, between the bars.

My backpack comes off, and the brick finds its way into my left hand, the hammer in my right. I want to break something. To swing and bash and get into a fight.

But there is also Riley's voice in my ear, begging me not to (saying that I'm good- I'm better than this). I don't know if I am better than this, but I know that that sunny girl has always believed in me. And Madison Burges is trying to tear her down- to snuff out her light.

It's been a while since I took a trip into the back allies of Mayaville. It's dingier than I remember. Darker. It feels violent.

Unsafe.

A flash of red draws my attention to the street below, and I see a girl walking toward the apartment building I've been contemplating. Her face pulls at my memory with a vague familiarity, and I realize that this is Burges.

And she's someone completely unimportant. She's in our grade, but I've only seen her in passing in the halls, in the cafeteria. She's in another class. She has nothing to do with our lives, so why is she even targeting Riley?

The edges of the brick cut into my palm, and I want nothing more than to chuck it at her head or through a window.

I've never actually contemplated murder before- and it scares me terribly. I imagine Riley's reaction to my thoughts, the other Mathews' reactions, and my grip loosens on the brick. It spirals from my fingers and hits the ground with a heavy thunk after bouncing off the dumpster with a loud clang.

Madison Burges disappears into the building.

What am I doing?

I'm not seven anymore, I can't just throw fists and rocks. I can't throw a brick at someone's head (no matter how much they might deserve it or not).

My hands loosen on the hammer (even as I have the urge to smash it into my own head just to get these dark alley Mayaville thoughts out of my head), and I stuff it back into my backpack.

I don't move, though. I stay sitting there on the fire escape as the sky grows even darker. There are no stars. Just a grey, sheeny, smog over the sky. But that's okay. The brightest star is waiting for me- probably at home- worrying.

I finally climb down from the fire escape and start my way home. I climb in through the window, and I'm surprised to find the room empty and dark- quiet.

I move slowly down the hall and pause when I see them. It's all of them. Mr. and Mrs. Mathews, Auggie in Riley's lap, Farkle, Zay, Lucas. They all sit strewn across the living room, in the kitchen, quiet with eyes darting toward the front door expectantly.

I clear my throat (partly to gain their attention, partly because there has been a lump lodged there for the past hour). All their heads turn.

"Maya!" Riley immediately dumps Auggie, leaping to her feet and rushing me. Her skinny arms have more strength in them than should be possible, but I squeeze her back as they constrict around my neck. She pulls away, eyes weary and concerned. "What did you do?"

I glance at the other people around the room- my friends- my family.

"I, uh… had a brick and a hammer in my hand." Riley doesn't let go of my hands. Doesn't pull away. There is only love and concern in her eyes for me, even after everything she's been through. She's too good for me- for this world. "And I wanted to use them, but… that's not… who I am anymore. So, you, me, Lucas, Farkle, Zay- we're going to sit down and talk. And we're going to figure this out. Together."

I look toward Mr. Mathews, and he offers a small, proud smile, which makes me feel the slightest bit better about walking away, no matter how much a part of me still wants to turn around and go back with my fists and anger (I'm still livid).

"Do they know what's going on?" I ask as we all head back to the room. I flick on the light and take in the mess of the floor, and settle on the bed on my stomach.

"Yeah." Riley flops down half on top of me, and I wonder if it's to make sure I don't run off again. Either way, the pressure on my back, her warmth, the feel of her heart beating against my shoulder blades, helps. "They said they'd let us handle it as long as you came back without having murdered or assaulted anyone."

"It was close. I still want to."

"I know." She drops a kiss onto my shoulder, and my heart thuds into my ears and throat for a moment. "And I love that you're so protective of me, but we need to do this the right way."

"So, let's talk," Farkle says, staring at me with an odd intensity. He has that look on his face like he's working out a complicated problem and just realizing the answer.

"What are we going to do?" Lucas asks, settling down in the bay window. He absently picks up the variety of his singular shoes spilled out on the floor. He wouldn't normally be allowed in here, but I guess this problem is serious enough that Mr. Mathews is willing to look away just this once.

Riley slides off me to dangle her legs over the side of the bed and draws her phone out of my own back pocket. I resist snatching it away again. "You know what she sent me?" she asks the room, looking down at the lock screen. It's of the two of us, grinning goofily at the camera. "A video. Of me. Being goofy. Doing stuff that I do. She's been filming me, and now she says she's going to send it to the whole school."

"I didn't see a video?" I sit up, too.

"I deleted it… but she still has it."

"Well, Honey, I hate to break it to you, but the whole school already knows that you're goofy," I try to ease her.

"They don't know everything I do," she says, looking at me with wide eyes. "Neither do you, Maya."

"What? No- yes I do," I deny immediately.

"Deep, in the heart of Rileytown, in the darkest, secret corner of Rileytown- I can't believe I'm finally telling you. Once a week, on Friday afternoons, when the halls are empty, I have an award ceremony."

Of course. While the darkest corners of Mayaville contemplate murder, the darkest corners of Rileytown have award ceremonies. This precious person next to me needs to be protected at all costs.

"I think we know what happened," Farkle says, voice going sympathetic.

"Somebody caught you?" Lucas winces.

"And that's what she's sending to the whole school," I finish. "Well, maybe it's not so bad-"

"Sometimes, I pretend I'm not there to accept so French Riley accepts in my place."

"It's bad, it's really bad," I try to lighten her mood by teasing.

"Bonjour!" Riley says.

"Somebody doesn't love this?!" Lucas gapes. I feel a kinship to him right then, and I dread the day of ever losing his friendship.

Riley looks to me. "What do I do, Maya?" It's shocking that she's still looking to me for answers when I still like the idea of my brick and hammer.

What kind of person would I be without her? Without all of them?

"Uh…" I look around the messy room, taking in the support of these people, still here even well after dark. They're here. And I realize that I don't have to protect Riley on my own. She has an army on her side. "You look at your friends. And you realize that, no matter how deep into Rileytown you go, we'll all be right behind you."

She smiles shakily and drops her head to rest sideways on top of mine.

"Plus, Farkle could totally hack this jerk and delete everything on her phone and her entire online presence (and probably her identity, too, if you want) and then block all ways of digital contact with you while Lucas, Zay, and I act as physical body guards at school."

She laughs wetly (it's a real, genuine, laugh).

"Thanks, guys. But I think I know what I want to do. That will be plan B."

It's Riley who ends up confronting Madison Burges the next day after school. She invites our whole class and everyone in our grade, and holds an award ceremony.

British Riley is the most adorable thing I've ever seen, and my heart swells with pride as I watch her be completely herself. I wish I was that brave.

It's Burges who ends up humiliated and running away, and Riley beams at me. (I still have Farkle secretly hack her just to be sure she never tries to retaliate).

A/N: So... darker side of Mayaville, huh?

Please let me know what you think!

~Silver~