So, in this chapter, between taking care of the aftermath from the camp getting attacked and getting on the road towards the C.D.C., I wanted to give Rachel some chance to interact a little more with some of the group members.

I led Carol back to her tent, where Sophia was still curled up in a tight ball, clearly shaken by the events of last night. At the sound of the tent opening, the young girl had flinched and pulled back a little at seeing her mother tainted with some blood.
"Why don't you get cleaned up and I stay here with her?" I proposed with a soft voice and Carol nodded. I turned back to the girl. "Hey, mind if I sit with you?" With wide eyes Sophia shook her head and pulled her legs toward herself to make room for me to sit. With a smile, I got down next to her. For a while we both just sat there, not saying anything and just watched the camp through the open flap.
"Is he really dead?" I turned at the girl's whisper and looked down at her. She was still hugging her knees to her chest and stared outside without giving away any emotion. I thought about what to say, but came to the conclusion that, the same as with people that suffered from PTSD, it was better to give her the truth instead of some comforting bullshit platitudes.
"Yes, he is."
"Good." I was almost shocked at the coldness the twelve year old gave off.
"Why would you say that, Sophia?" I asked her calmly.
Finally she turned to me and looked up at me with an expression that didn't belong on the face of a girl still so young. "Now he can't hurt mommy anymore."
"Does your mom know that you knew?"
Sophia shook her head. "I didn't want her to know. I heard her cry so often when daddy left…afterwards and she thought I was asleep." I was shocked. I had already assumed that much from the few times I'd seen him around Carol, but hearing her daughter talk about it was completely different. "Promise you won't tell her that I knew." She held out her pinky to me and after a second I entwined mine with hers.
"Cross my heart and hope to die," I confirmed and she gave me a small smile. Footsteps coming our way caught our attention and moments later Carol peaked her head inside.
"You two good?" she asked, seemingly having calmed down a little. Sophia nodded eagerly and I smiled back at the older woman.
"They are having a funeral down at the quarry. Would you care to help me and the kids gather some flowers?" Her voice was still low as if she was expecting to have her husband's shadow to fall on her the second she spoke up.
"Of course. Let me just get my sunglasses." I got up and stepped out of the tent. Agreeing to meet where Lori and Carol used to hang up the clothes for drying, I jogged off towards the RV where I still had my belongings since we hadn't set up a place for me yet. I went inside to grab my sunglasses. I was about to head back into the sunlight, but I stepped back and slid my knives back into my boots and grabbed my bow. When I finally left the RV, Rick and Daryl were talking and looked up when they heard the camper screen door close behind me.

"Hey Rick, Carol wanted to take the kids and gather some flowers for the funeral. Mind if Carl wants to tag along?" Rick thought about it for a second before he agreed to ask his son himself and asked me to wait.
"Never took ya for the flower type," Daryl commented with a cigarette between his lips.
"It's more for the kids. To distract them a little until we bury Ed and Amy. Give them something to do, you know?" I leaned against the RV with my sunglasses shielding my eyes from the sun. The hunter hummed next to me before he held out another cigarette towards me. I shook my head, to which he only shrugged his shoulders.
"Still don't understand why we need a funeral. Should just burn 'em same as the rest of those rotten corpses and be done with it." I looked at his profile while he exhaled some smoke.
"Holding on to what's left of our humanity, I guess. For as long as we can. Get some closure…" I kicked away a stone at my feet, hitting one of the walkers. I flinched when it suddenly started growling, and went over to shove one of my knives through his left eye.
"I hate those things!" I growled and ripped the blade from its eye socket. I looked around the camp and saw Rick was talking to Carl and Lori, pointing occasionally to where I was standing. Letting my eyes wander further I caught sight of Sophia and Carol still waiting. The girl waved at me with a smile and I waved back to her, which seemed to make her even more happy.
"You're good with that one." I looked back at Daryl and asked him what he meant. "Girl rarely talks to anyone besides the boy. Afraid of her own shadow just like her mother."
I crossed my arms and looked back to the two of them. "They might change now that they are free of that asshole. Seen it before. Some make the same mistake over and over again, others grow from it." The hunter wanted to say something else when Carl came running, followed by his father.
"Dad said I can go with you and Sophia," the boy beamed. I nodded and waited for his father to arrive.
"You stay within sight and do what Rachel says. Are we clear?" Carl nodded and took my hand as we made our way to Carol and Sophia.
"Keep watch for strays!" Rick yelled behind us and I turned to give him the thumbs up.
As we walked through the camp, Carol and I asked Morales and his wife if their children would want to join us. After a warning similar to the one Rick gave Carl, we had a whole crew walking along the tree line in search of flowers. Taking the kids away from camp proved to be a good idea when some time later a single gunshot rang loud through the calm. Carol flinched and grabbed my hand.
"Was that…?" I nodded at her.
"Yes. I think Amy turned," I confirmed. She let out a shaky breath and I encouraged the kids to keep picking flowers.

The funeral itself was an awkward affair. I stood a little off to the side and watched the whole thing as they put Amy and Ed, all wrapped up so nobody would see their heads, in their graves. Tears were shed by those who knew the deceased and people tried to say some nice things about them, even Ed. I bit back a hollow laugh when Carol told what a loving husband he was despite his faults at times.
"Guess she had to say something nice at least," Daryl mumbled next to me. Apparently I hadn't been the only one feeling awkward down there with the others. I had noticed how the hunter kept his distance most of the time, unless there was something to do like cleaning the camp of walkers or going hunting. He rarely indulged in conversations that went anywhere near the department of getting some personal information out of him.
"I'm gonna see how Jim is doing." I turned and made my way back towards the RV. It was silent inside and I pulled out my Glock just to be sure. In the back, where I had slept yesterday, Jim was lying motionless. I carefully walked closer and noticed his chest was still rising and falling but he was out like a light. I put my hand against his forehead only to confirm what I had already feared - he was burning up and sweating profusely. I sat my weapons aside and started rummaging through the cupboards to find some towels. Once I found some, I poured water on them and returned to Jim to put them on his forehead, hoping to get the fever down a little and tried to clean the bite as much as possible. When I changed the towel on his head, Jim suddenly took a hold of my hand, staring off into the distance and mumbling something incoherent.
"Calm down, Jim. It's fine, you just go back to sleep," I cooed until he slowly closed his eyes and his grip on me slackened. He kept drifting in and out of consciousness, talking in his sleep and not making much more sense when he would come to for a few seconds at a time. At one point, I grabbed one of the books Dale had lying around the RV since I didn't plan on leaving the unconscious man any time soon. It wasn't like I had much to do anyways now with the dead either burned or buried and the others occupied with their daily routine. I looked up from the book when I heard the door open and a second later Rick and Lori entered.
"How is he holding up?" Rick asked with a low voice as he noticed that Jim was asleep. I let out a frustrated sigh.
"Not good. The fever is getting worse and the infection seems to have spread even after I cleaned the wound as well as I could with nearly no medical supplies. He is drifting in and out of consciousness and I fear his brain is already affected by the infection. He doesn't make much sense when he is talking…" Rick brushed through his hair and Lori covered her mouth in a nervous gesture.
"You need anything?" she finally asked.
"Uh… Water. Could use more water," came a weak voice from behind me.
I looked to my right, surprised to see Jim awake and his eyes clear for once. Lori nodded and left to get some water. I put my hand to Jim's forehead and shook my head at Rick, who had stepped closer. I was afraid that this might be one of his last clear moments. As far as I could tell without a thermometer, I guessed his fever was well beyond 100 degrees by now and just increasing.
"Could you give us a moment?" Rick looked at me and I nodded. I grabbed my sunglasses and left.

Outside I looked around and decided to join Dale on the RV's top. When I reached the top I saw the older man sitting in his chair, looking over the campground.
"Need some company?" He flinched, apparently he had been deep in thought and didn't hear me come up.
"I can always use company." He gave me a tired smile and I sat down on the hot roof of the RV next to his chair. "You didn't just come up here to hear an old man talk, did you now?" I couldn't help but chuckle and leaned back on my hands while watching Carl and Sophia make mudpies.
"I might have felt a little useless around here. Rick is down and talking to Jim while he is awake and that leaves me with little to nothing to do right now." Dale took in what I said for a moment before he answered.
"You are anything but useless. You might not have found your place and purpose in this group yet, but you will. You have done a lot for this group since Glenn brought you and Rick back from Atlanta." A snort escaped me.
"I don't mean any disrespect, Dale. But I don't see much that I have done to earn that kind of praise."
"You helped them get out of Atlanta. You went back for Daryl's brother even when you didn't have to and didn't owe him anything. And I saw you taking the kids away until Amy… Until it was time to put Amy to rest. You have a kind heart, and I know sooner or later we will need that around here."
I listened to him go on and almost felt like he was talking about somebody else's actions rather than my own. "Honestly, hearing you talk like this doesn't feel like it is about me. I never thought someone would judge my actions like that. I mean, I just go with what feels right, even when it proves to backfire later." I felt Dale's hand on my shoulder and looked up.
"Glenn told me about what you did at that shelter where he was taken hostage on your search for Merle and the guns. You could have looked the other way and denied those people your help, but you didn't, and it didn't backfire. If anything, I am sure it was one of the main reasons you all got out of there unharmed. They could have killed all of you and taken the guns anyways. Yet you chose to treat them, despite what happened beforehand."
I bit my lip and looked back over the camp. "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't look the other way. Those people… That could have been us. They stayed to care for those people there because they knew they wouldn't survive on their own. There is a difference between being on opposite sides and being true enemies. They were doing it all to stay alive, not because they had a grudge against us. Even when I was in Afghanistan, I treated people that shot at our own people just hours before. You know why? Because it was the right thing. Because it didn't matter on which side we fought. All life is precious. Now even more than ever."
"Exactly what I said. You have a good heart. Make sure to keep it for as long as you can. And just so you know, I am not the only one seeing you making an effort to contribute. Rick listens to you and it has nothing to do with your background." I looked back at his profile and in that moment he reminded me so much of my grandfather.

"You see a lot more than you let on, huh?"
A smile played along his lips. "I might have picked up a thing or two from my late wife over the years. It took her two sentences to figure out a person completely. But you are right, I like to watch people and I could tell right away that you belong here. You will find your place." It was weird how someone who hadn't even known me for more than a few days was able to assure me of my right to be here so much. On the other hand, Shane gave me the impression all I did was stir trouble whenever I got myself involved.
A thudding noise was heard from below and Dale looked over the low railing only to find Rick standing next to the vehicle.
"Shane and I were going to head out and make sure there weren't any strays left. I would like it if you'd come with us." Dale seemed unsure to leave.
"I can take over watching the camp for a while. You can go," I assured him and he nodded before climbing down. After taking a few steps towards the treeline, Rick turned around to look up at me.
"Jacqui is down in the RV with Jim for now." I nodded in return and felt a slight shiver run down my spine when I caught Shane glaring at me again. So what did I do this time? Is it a problem now that I take watch?

It was hours later when the three men finally returned to the camp. The sun was already starting to set and the lack of sleep from the night before was finally catching up with me, despite the fact that I should have been used to little sleep by now. I slowly climbed down from the RV when Shane made a general attempt to get everyone's attention and I asked myself what he had to say this time.
"I've been, uh… I've been thinking about Rick's plan. Now look, there are no… There are no guarantees either way. I'll be the first one to admit that. I've known this man a long time. I trust his instincts. I say the most important thing here is we need to stay together. So those of you that agree, we leave first thing in the morning." I crossed my arms over my chest and started chewing on my lower lip. I was ready to open my mouth when someone else spoke up.
"So that means we're headin' for that Disease Control whatever place?" Shane turned around to look at the hunter at the back of the crowd.
"Yes. That's what I am saying. Rick is right. We should check there first before we head out over a hundred miles for some military safe zone." It took a lot of effort out of me not to start laughing in a sarcastic manner. Really now? I say something and it's bullshit. Give him a few hours in the woods and suddenly he sees common sense… Wonder what Rick said to him. My eyes wandered aimlessly over the crowd until they stopped at Lori. I couldn't say what the look she gave her husband's best friend was, but it was weird to say the least. Or maybe it was something she said…
I pushed myself off the vehicle, ready to head inside since that was the only place where I could go and I wanted to relieve Jacqui from watching over Jim to let her rest a little while.
"Hey," Rick stopped me as I opened the door, "you will be coming with us when we leave in the morning, won't you?"
I turned to face Rick. "Where else would I go? I mean, it's the only direction that makes sense at the moment." His hand landed on my shoulder and he gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Thank you, Rachel."
"What for?" I asked, confused.
"Tagging along. Being a valuable asset to this group. People might need time to open up, but I want you to know I appreciate you for both your medical skills as well as your willingness to put your life on the line for everyone else's sake." I gave him a half smile.
"It means a lot to hear that. And for what it's worth, I think I am starting to like these people." The cop squeezed my shoulder once more before leaving with Lori. I turned and climbed into the RV.
"Why don't you take a break and let me take over for a while?" Jacqui's head snapped up, apparently she had almost dozed off. She rubbed her eyes and looked at me in the dim light.
"I think a little rest would be great. He slept almost the whole time. I gave him some water and changed the towels. Is he gonna make it?" She looked at me with an expression that said she only wanted confirmation that he wouldn't.
"I don't know. Maybe he will pull through, but I wouldn't get my hopes up high. The fever is already burning though his immune system, and I can't say if they will be able to do anything at the C.D.C., if he even makes the trip there," I answered and crossed my arms while leaning against one of the countertops. She nodded and let out a loud sigh.
"I wish we just could do something for him, you know?" she whispered while passing by me. I took a hold of her hand for a second.
"We are doing something. We're keeping him comfortable for as long as possible and not leaving him to fend for himself.. It may not seem much, but believe me, it is worth more than gold right now." Jacqui's face relaxed a little and she nodded to my words. With a last look at Jim, she finally left. When I walked to the back of the RV I saw that the book I had been reading earlier was still there, so I got as comfortable as possible after cleaning the bite again and replacing the towels with fresh ones.

When I came to, my whole body hurt from the awkward position I had fallen asleep in and someone had draped a thin blanket over me. Sitting upright I looked over at Jim, who was still asleep. Putting a hand to his head confirmed that the fever had gotten worse during the night. I looked out of the rear window. The sky was a pale dark blue, the sun had not started to rise over the hills surrounding the camp yet. A soft knock on the door startled me, and with aching bones I made my way over to open the door.
"Oh. Didn't expect you to be awake already." T-Dog looked as if he had gotten about the same amount of sleep as I had.
"Just woke up a couple of minutes ago. Need anything, T?"
"No. I just wanted to see if you were still asleep and ask if you want me to take over until we leave if you were awake. I mean the way you slept didn't look too comfortable." I gave him a sheepish smile and stepped outside to let him in. I looked around and found everyone still fast asleep. A thought popped into my head and I poked my head back inside.
"Hey, T-Dog. I'm gonna head out for a while, I think I saw something that could help with Jim's condition yesterday." The man gave me a worried look.
"Want me to go with you?" I shook my head.
"Nah. I can take care of myself. Besides, I won't go far in case you guys decide to leave early." He gave me another worried look before he sat back down, apparently aware that I wouldn't let this go.
"Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it." With that I disappeared into the camp with my bow slung over my shoulder.

The morning air was already warm despite the night's lingering chill. Good thing it was still summer. I walked as silently as possible through the camp, dodging tents and forgotten items alike, until I reached the treelines until I came to the spot where we had come out after killing that first walker. Entering the forest was like entering another world this morning. Mist still clung between the tree roots and dew drops had gathered on the leaves, hitting my bare arms as I brushed them aside.
I walked on for a few minutes, taking mental notes on where I went so I would find my way back later. Finding the clearing where we had picked flowers with the kids was easy, and only then did I slow down. I heard some soft and distant noises that I couldn't place, so I stopped where the trees thinned out to pick up a small stone that I threw against a boulder a few feet from where I was standing. The sound was loud in the early morning's silence and I waited for a response of sorts. I waited with my bow in my hands until I heard a twig snap a few seconds later and a low growl followed by the uncoordinated shuffling of feet. About eight feet or so from the boulder a walker emerged and snarled when it spotted me. Before it had fully rounded the stone, I had already released my arrow and the corpse hit the ground with a dull thud. I waited a little longer for any other sounds before I made my way over to retrieve my arrow and kneel down by the boulder.
With a triumphant smile I found what I had been looking for. There between the bright flowers grew something most people ripped carelessly from their garden. White dead nettle. I laid down my bow and pulled out one of my knives to start cutting off the plant. I had no idea how much it would help Jim, but it was worth a shot. I shoved as much of the leaves as possible into the small pouch I had brought along. Looking around, I noticed the slight mist was clearing more and more and the light started to change with the sun beginning to rise, just short of reaching the horizon. Content with what I found, I decided to get back. Seems it paid off that grandpa hammered that stuff into our heads after all…

Getting back was easy since we had taken almost the same path yesterday. I was just short of reaching the camp when I tripped over a root and scraped my elbow open, letting out a string of curses. At least I didn't fall this time. It stung and I could already feel a little blood running down my arm. Before I knew what was happening, I was knocked off my feet, landing on my and had a knife against my throat.
"What the fuck?! Get off me!" I yelped as a heavy body pressed mine down into the dirt. I stared up into angry brown eyes and attempted to wiggle free.
"What the hell were you doing out there?!" Shane growled making no attempt to either get off me nor take the blade from my throat.
"Picking daisies!" I snapped back in anger and bucked up against him to throw him off.
"Don't get cocky. What. Did. You. Do?" His face was now inches from mine and I could feel his breath on my skin. I hated the pressure he was putting on me, and cursed him for knowing how to prevent me from getting out from under him in this position.
"Off her. Now." An arrow was trained against Shane's temple.
"None of your fucking business," he snapped without taking his eyes off mine.
"I can make it everyone's business if ya like…" The arrow tapped the former cop's skin again until he slowly got off me and I dared to take a deep breath with the weight now gone.
"Whatever." With another glare towards me and the hunter, he stomped off.
"Yer a'right?" I ignored the hand offered to me and got to my feet.
"I'm fine." Looking up I saw Daryl take me in for a moment before he grabbed my arm without warning to inspect where the blood came from.
"Ya bit?"
I ripped away from him and glared at the redneck. "I said I'm fine. I had it under control." I knew it was unfair to lash out at him, that he had done nothing to deserve this, but my heart was pounding violently in my chest and a fear buried deep inside had clawed its way back to the surface when Shane had gotten on top of me. I just wanted to get away from Daryl before he could see the distress I was feeling.

I practically ran the short distance left to get back to the camp and could hear Daryl follow while cursing out loud. Breaking through the treeline the awakening camp felt overwhelmingly loud. I just wanted to get back to the RV and close myself into the small toilet.
"Ya forgot yer bow!" I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to face the hunter while everyone who was already on their feet stared at us standing between the tents and where the vehicles were parked. I took two hesitant steps forward and reached out to take my weapon back, careful not to meet his blue eyes.
"Ya welcome."
His slightly challenging voice triggered something else inside me and I hated myself for the words that left my mouth next. "I don't need a babysitter, Dixon!"
"Yeah? Could've fooled me."
"Go to hell, asshole!" I yelled and stormed towards the RV, shoving past a confused Glenn who barely got out of my way before I closed and locked the toilet's door behind me. I could hear the commotion my outburst had caused outside and bit the knuckles of my right hand to prevent myself from sobbing. I felt the hot tears run down my cheeks and hated myself even more for them than for yelling at Daryl.
"Fuck…", I muttered when I realised he still had my bow. But I couldn't go out there like this, not now. Oh god! What if he tells anyone what happened out there? I felt the anxiety rise. My blood ran hot and cold at the same time, and my stomach became an endless pit. I crouched down with my back against the wall and grabbed strands of my hair hoping the forming headache wouldn't manifest into a full blown migraine. I couldn't break down. Not now. Not after all this time.

A soft knock on the door startled me, returning after a few seconds. It was so soft, I was wondering how long they had been knocking.
"Sweetie?" a meek voice called out and I thought I could feel the ground shake softly beneath my feet. "Rachel? Are you okay in there?" Was that Carol? It had to be, nobody else had such a soft voice. "Sweetie, please just talk to me."
I bit my knuckles again, a loud sob threatening to escape my throat, now that I knew for sure someone was just beyond that door and possibly hearing every sound I made. I felt my stomach turn and bowed to my left and threw up.
"Rachel, I am really worried for you. Please let me in, or just tell me you are alright." I leaned up as far as I dared and tried to keep my voice as steady as possible.
"I might have eaten something that didn't sit well with my stomach." As if asking for it, I threw up again. Carol couldn't come in here. One look at me and she would know.
"Okay. Let me know if you need anything in there, sweetie," she squeaked one more time and I was glad she finally seemed to retreat from the door. Exhausted I fell back to the floor, tears silently rolling down my cheeks. Nobody can know. Not now. Not ever...
By the rattling beneath me I was now fully convinced the RV was moving. So we were already on the road towards the C.D.C.

I hope this chapter helps a little to give some insight on Rachel's actions. I am aware that not everyone will agree with Shane's behaviour and that's fine. I just think the way he acted in my story makes sense since we all know how unstable he became after Rick's return. He tries to keep the group safe and Rachel butting heads with him hasn't exactly helped him being suspicious of her, so her disappearing into the woods might have triggered something for him. Same as his actions triggered some unwanted memories in her.

Hope you like the story so far and I would love if you'd let me know what you think (it would really help to get some form of feedback).