Author's Note: This segment of the story is dark, but it's not over yet. We're heading into the final stretch. Hope you stay with me until the end. Enjoy.

Natasha's bootsteps ring out in a rhythmic echo through the metal hallway, Ellie's just behind them. Natasha's red ponytail swings easily as she walks.

They got back to the Chimera just a few minutes ago. The mission had gone off in relative success. The arms depot had been destroyed by the others as Black Widow escorted Ellie up to the Quinjet. They'd left Elliot's remains where they lay. Ellie hadn't really thought about that until later.

Nat had been angry. Ellie could tell, because she didn't say much on the way back. On their arrival, Nat had sent Ellie to the infirmary to tend to her injuries, and that she would meet her there to go see Cap, presumably for some kind of dressing down for disobeying orders.

Ellie trudges along behind Nat obediently, with slumped shoulders, a scowl on her face, and tired, tired eyes.

She, for her part, is in hell.

'You did end up laying waste to that mechanical monster,' Mephisto drawls on, walking beside her and gesticulating with his hands, 'let's not forget that. I didn't think you'd manage. But as you know well, viciousness is a passable substitute for raw strength.'

She's given up resisting him for now. Whenever she does, more scenes of her horrific past flit before her eyes.

'Only poor Elliot…' Mephisto pouts in false sympathy. 'Yes, he was in terrible shape. You were sympathetic. So kind. That blow he took nearly snuffed out his candle all at once. But it didn't stop him from using the last of his power to save you. For the record, that's what a real hero looks like, Ellie.'

Avenger, Nora spits bitterly, walking away through the Ant Hill ward. The memory stings acutely, for some reason.

Natasha glances back at her for the third time, subtle lines on her forehead, brows narrowed. Ellie's eyes don't leave the ground, but she can't help but see it. She hates that look. She's seen it too many times.

'Ah, it's because they can see the frailty you struggle so desperately to hide, Ellie. That's all.'

Ellie blinks slowly, pain wrinkling her features for a moment.

'You struggle so, Ellie, clawing desperately at life. You needn't struggle. I've told you a hundred times. You need only trust me…'

Automatic doors open before Nat with a whoosh. She walks into the conference room where she'd first told Ellie how she had ended up here.

Inside, the table is empty. The only one in the room is Steve, standing with his arms crossed behind his back, looking out the window over the world below. The afternoon sun is sinking through the sky. The clouds are huge and brilliant white. He turns to them, his expression neutral.

"Natasha," he nods, "Ellie."

'Better put some effort into it, Ellie. Your hurt is showing.'

Ellie pulls some of the feeling out of her face and nods back to Steve weakly.

"Heavy op, today," says Steve. "You two held up your end perfectly."

Ellie's eyes climb to him. Perfectly? "I thought I was late," she says.

"In our line of work, there's no late except too late. You two shut down the barrier, and we took out a lot of weapons that would have been misused by AIM, with minimal loss of life on either side. That's as much as I could ask for. It was never that clean back in the 40s."

Nat is standing next to Steve now, her hands similarly clasped behind her back. She holds her silence for the moment.

Ellie shifts on her feet. "I thought I was in trouble," she says.

"You are," Nat acknowledges.

"I like to start these things by making your value to the team clear," says Steve. He inclines his head. "Spoonful of sugar, so to speak."

It doesn't mean anything to Ellie.

'He's softening the blow for you,' Mephisto leans in to explain.

His words evoke a surge of heat in Ellie's belly, but also a chill of fear.

"What did I do wrong?" she decides to ask plainly.

"What do you think you did wrong, Ellie?" Nat asks her.

Ellie feels another pulse of anger, this time toward Nat.

I tried to save someone's life, she thinks.

Mephisto chuckles.

Guilt crowds the emotions in Ellie.

"Run through the rules, Ellie," says Nat, not apparently aware of her inner turmoil.

Rule one, you do what I say.

"I didn't listen to you," says Ellie.

"That's right," says Nat, "which is a big problem, because my experience lets me know as well as anyone alive what we can and can't get away with. I knew you were at risk of being trapped. You can't help anyone if you're AIM's prisoner, or dead."

Mel and Owen's bodies fill Ellie's vision, their blood pooling across the floor.

'You know what that's like, Ellie.'

"Ellie," says Nat, brow wrinkling.

Ellie forces herself to meet her eyes and nod.

Rule two, the mission comes second only to your life and the lives of your fellows.

Nat looks like she wants to say something else so Ellie speaks first.

"I put myself in danger."

Nat screws up her lips. "Well, you did, yes. I'm not going to pretend you were ever totally safe, we were on a mission. But this is where unnecessary risks come into play…"

The blackish red feeling seeps through Ellie's body, drowning out Nat's words.

Ellie, laughs Mephisto, 'I told you, the Avengers aren't heroes. If they were, they'd all be dead. They're not out to save everyone. They can't! They're too weak, like you. Because they, like you, haven't accepted who they really are.'

David is on top of her again, readying his knife. His hideous smile and disgusting eyes fill her vision. She feels her hand wrap around the machete.

'You should have listened to Joel more, Ellie. He knew what life is about.'

The feeling surges into Ellie's head and arms, filling her until she could throw up. Or hack someone to death.

Shut up, Ellie growls from deep within.

Mephisto emits a high-pitched chortle.

"…but we do them anyway, because that's what keeps us alive, and together. Ellie?" Nat frowns. "Are you listening to me?"

Ellie meets her eyes and nods, body feeling heavy. She is so, so tired.

Nat gauges her for a few moments. "What about rule three, then?"

When in doubt, get out.

Ellie recalls Elliot's imprisonment, his arms forced over his head in the crucifix posture.

"I was never in doubt," she says.

Leaning against the tall windows looking out over the sunset sky, Mephisto breaks out into giddy laughter.

Nat lets out a frustrated breath. She takes a step toward Ellie. "Ellie, what you need to understand is that you can't save everyone…"

'Apparently, you can't save anyone,' Mephisto says, still laughing.

Ellie's limbs are shaking.

She sees Elliot's tired eyes close for good as he utters his last words. Her stomach is twisting.

'Real heroes don't get back up, Ellie,' says Mephisto.

"Ellie?" Nat is frowning. "You there?"

Ellie kicks Clint's boot, before seeing his glassy eyes and the hole in his face. The bottom is dropping out of her.

Mephisto's voice purrs. 'That's how I know you're mine.'

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Ellie screams.

There's a flash and a loud crack. Natasha cries out in pain.

There's a shudder deep within Ellie, and the feeling changes very quickly.

Nat is down on the floor, cradling her left shoulder, her face contorted into a grimace of pain.

"Nat?" Ellie says, confused and scared. Staring openly for a moment, Mephisto leans back and begins cackling like a madman.

Steve is crouching over Natasha, holding her other shoulder. "Nat, are you alright?" He holds a hand out toward Ellie in a stopping gesture. "Easy, Ellie. Just ease up, okay?"

"What?" she replies.

Mephisto can't get enough. 'Yes! Oh, yes! This is the best I've seen in ages!'

Ellie shifts her feet, confused and scared. She doesn't understand what just happened.

'You did that, Ellie!' cries Mephisto, eyes cracked with mirth as he wraps his arms over his shaking belly. 'You and your sumptuous hatred, right from your black heart!'

"No," says Ellie, staring wide-eyed down at Nat, still in pain. "No."

'Oh, yes! Another few inches and you'd have stopped her heart!'

The film plays out before Ellie's eyes. Her fists balled, eyes pinched shut, crying out in helpless rage. A bolt of electricity casts out from her body, striking Nat in the shoulder.

A sickening, cold feeling coils in Ellie's gut. "No," she says again, more urgently.

"It's alright, Ellie," says Steve, but even he seems unsettled. "Just take it easy."

Still wincing in pain, Nat is trying to lift herself off the floor. "Ellie…" she manages.

Ellie's heart is pounding. Mephisto's laugh bounces off the sides of her skull.

'Your anguish is better than the screams of the damned! I love this!'

"Shut up," says Ellie.

"What?" says Steve.

'I'll never stop!' says Mephisto. 'You're my treasure!'

"Shut up," says Ellie, louder.

Partially recovered, Nat stares up at her from the ground, confusion and concern on her face.

'I knew you were one of my own, Ellie! They can only hate you now! They see what you are! Oh, I knew you'd be my darling!'

"Shut up!" Ellie screams, grabbing fistfuls of her hair. "Shut up!" She'd do anything to get rid of the horrid, crawling voice. "Shut up!" She whips her body about, knocking one of the chairs over, but she doesn't care. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

Ellie lashes out inwardly with all her strength until her legs wobble and threaten to give out on her. She feels hands on her shoulders, and she's too weak to pull away. Tears run down her face. Her cheeks ache from her own grimace.

And the whole while, Mephisto won't stop laughing.

Ellie lies on her side, head half buried in the pillow, hands up by her lips, but her eyes are exhausted, not restful. Her lips are taut and her brow feels like it will be wrinkled forever.

She's in the last bed in one of the infirmary wings on the Chimera. She'd been in tears the whole while Steve had led her there. He hadn't been angry, or forceful, and she hadn't resisted him. He'd stayed while a nurse saw to her superficial injuries. He stepped out while another woman came in and began asking her a series of questions, quite insistent that Ellie answer.

In the end, the only thing betraying her stony, neutral expression was a small, unhappy twist to her lips. She'd told Ellie she'd had some kind of episode, but she seemed fit enough. She'd offered to give her a mild sedative, but had relented when Ellie declined.

Steve came back shortly thereafter. "Hey, Ellie."

Ellie had felt too sick to meet his eyes. She was already laying on her side at that point. "Aren't you going to lock me up, or something?"

"No," he'd replied. "The kinds of threats we're used to don't cry after having done harm."

Done harm.

Ellie had pulled the pillow closer to her face at that.

"Ellie, believe it or not, I've seen things like that, more than once. You give someone powers they can't control or understand, subject them to all kinds of pain and stress… If it weren't for all the ones I cared for, all the people that helped me when I fell to a low point, well… I might have ended up on the other side of the front line, let's say."

The Steve she knows had so far come off as some kind of perfect person. She can see and feel his glow right now, standing a few feet away. Hearing him say that actually makes her feel better.

'He's talking about you,' says Mephisto, right on cue.

Ellie's eyes open wider.

He steps out from behind the curtain by her bed, opposite Steve. '"On the other side of the front line." The enemy.' Mephisto giggles. 'He's talking about you and me, Ellie.'

Ellie's heart twists and her face contorts. She buries it in the pillow.

"Eh…" Steve continues, scratching the back of his head, "I'm not the best at this. And I know you still don't trust me, and that's fine. I'm not asking you to. Hey." He tilts his head. "Nat says she wants to see you. That alright?"

Ellie's insides coil and she shakes her head in the pillow.

Steve nods. With her second sight she sees him open his mouth to speak, but seems to think better of it. "Try to get some sleep tonight, alright?"

She still doesn't look at him or respond. He nods, wearing a small frown, and turns to go.

The door to the infirmary closes and it's quiet. As far as she can tell, she's the only one in the wing.

Ellie is thankful for the quiet, but it doesn't make the feelings go away. She pulls her legs closer to her body, frowning into the pillow.

The doors open again, and someone enters the wing.

"No…" Ellie mutters.

But against her wishes, the footsteps continue until they're at the foot of her bed. Recognizing her immediately, Ellie's eyes snap open and she looks up in apprehension.

Nat looks down at her with one hand on her hip, her familiar, unreadable expression on her face. You'd never know she'd been crumpled in pain on the ground just a short while before.

"Hey, kid," says Nat.

Tears in the corners of her eyes, Ellie presses her head back into the pillow. She'd said she didn't want to see Nat, but of course that hadn't stopped her.

"Ellie…" sighs Nat. She grabs a chair from the opposite wall and places it backward next to where Ellie lies. Nat sits in it, arms crossed over the seat rest in front of her. "Do you have to be so pitiful?"

Pitiful? Ellie looks up, confused and a little hurt. Her eyes drift to Nat's shoulder. She's changed from her bodysuit into jeans and a blue button down shirt. Underneath the shoulder, Ellie can see a pad of bandaging.

"Do you know what happened earlier?" Nat asks her.

"What?" Ellie replies.

"Physically," says Nat. "Do you understand what physically happened earlier?"

Ellie's eyes dart about, avoiding Nat's. But no matter where she looks, she can still see her stern, intelligent eyes watching her. Heimdall's face flashes in front of Ellie for a second. She pinches her eyes shut, pushing it away. Feeling tired, she ends up giving an honest answer. "No."

"Do you want to see it?" Nat asks.

Surprised, Ellie meets her eyes, uncomfortable.

Without further explanation, Nat unbuttons a couple buttons on her shirt and pulls it down over her shoulder, revealing the bandaging. There's no blood. She works at it for a moment, then peels it back.

The skin underneath is an angry red. It looks painful. There's no second or third degree burns, but there is a small purple mark in the center of the inflammation. The skin is shiny, probably from some ointment.

"Acute electrical burn," says Nat. "Bruce looked at it himself. Hurt like hell, but the tissue damage will heal. He said my shoulder would probably feel tight for a while. I'll be fine, though. Trust me, I've dealt with a lot worse. Now, if it had struck somewhere more sensitive, like the brain, lung, or heart—"

Ellie sucks in a sharp, quiet breath.

"—it could have been a lot worse. But that didn't happen." Nat's eyes are firm, matter-of-fact.

"I don't know how I…" Ellie starts.

Ellie sees herself as Mephisto again, striking down that woman protecting the prone Hawkeye.

Still watching, Mephisto's lips peel back in a nasty smile. 'One of my very own, Ellie…'

"Do you remember that first day," Nat continues, "in the HARM room? When I was trying to get you to explore your powers?"

Ellie blinks. She remembers Nat telling her to focus on a feeling that Ellie hadn't really liked at all.

That. Whatever it is you're feeling, explore that.

"Yeah…" Ellie replies.

"I thought there was something there," says Nat. She sniffs, glancing to the side. "Don't ask me how I knew, I'm no inhuman expert. But when I looked at your face, I figured there was something. And I knew it didn't make you feel good. I didn't press you. And at the time, I thought, 'Do it. Press her. Make her use it. If she doesn't learn to use it, it will use her.'"

Ellie stares. She's right, she realizes. The feeling in the conference room, before… before she'd hurt Nat, it was the same from the HARM room, that day.

"And I relented," says Nat, "but in the end, it looks like I may have been right."

'Oh no,' says Mephisto, 'it didn't use you. You used it. He he.'

Ellie screws up her face again. For the first time in a while, she's beginning to feel angry toward him.

"Ellie, take a break," says Nat sharply.

"Huh?"

"Thinking. You keep thinking. Take a break from that and listen for a minute. You'll have plenty of time when I'm gone. Trust me, I know." Nat reaches up and massages her eyes for a second, staring down at the tiled floor. "Frankly, Ellie, I knew you were suffering in there."

"What are you talking about? When I was in trouble?"

"In trouble?" Nat replies. "In the conference room, yes, but not because you were in trouble. Because you showed the bravery to take somebody's life into your hands today, and then they went and died anyway."

Ellie's stomach drops and suddenly all she wants to do is cry. Her lip quivers.

"Listen, Ellie," says Nat, leaning in to keep her eyes on her, "the same thing has happened to me, on a hundred different missions." She winces. "More. I was—" Suddenly Nat turns away, frowning. She looks… disappointed. She sighs, and Ellie realizes she's disappointed in herself. "I was afraid of the same thing happening to you, and look how much good that did."

'Heroes keep other people alive,' says Mephisto, balancing a dagger point-down on his fingertip. 'Survivors save only themselves.'

Ellie winces, shaking her head.

"Ellie," says Nat pointedly.

"I can't help it!" Ellie raises her voice. Then the strength goes back out of her. She presses a palm into her eye. "I'm sorry. I just… I can't…"

"I get it, Ellie," says Nat. Her face is expressionless, but Ellie senses there's a lot going on behind her eyes. "It was like that for me for a long time. Then I found a way to get all of myself on the same page. But that's not an easy thing, not by a long shot. It took a lot of pain and suffering to figure it out." Nat closes her eyes and presses them shut in chagrin, and for once, Ellie can tell it's her pain. "And for some reason I decided I could expect that from you as well."

Ellie's brow furrows.

'You can't clean mud.'

"You kept showing me how tough you were," says Nat. "You kept wanting to show me, it was obvious. And I… I wanted that, too. To help you, if I could. It seemed like it was working, so I just kept at it, just waiting for you to say you were done, you'd have enough. But you just refused.

"You came to us hurt. I knew we needed to protect you, to help you, if we could. You quickly proved yourself a fighter. I told myself that might help you, since it helped me. But now…" Cracks show on Natasha's face. "Now I think I was a fool. And I was wrong to send you out there."

Ellie's heart sinks.

'Oh, Ellie. You're a little too damaged, even for the Avengers.'

"And so it's not you who needs to apologize," says Nat, "it's me."

"No," says Ellie, "no, that's not—"

"It is, Ellie," says Nat. "I'm sorry. We're going to do better by you. I'm putting you back with Alisande. I know you like her, and the feeling's mutual, from what she's told me."

'Yes, somewhere safe, where you can't cause any more harm.'

Ellie winces. "No," she says, "no, I can—"

'Your time playing a hero is over, Ellie.'

"You can what?" Nat asks.

"I can still… I can still fight…"

Nat shakes her head. "It was never your fight, Ellie. I should have seen that. You shouldn't have to deal with any of this. And I curse myself for not seeing that sooner."

'She doesn't want you anymore, Ellie. Let it go.'

Ellie's heart twists. She grimaces against the hurt.

Natasha stands up, moving around the chair in front of Ellie. "It's alright, Ellie. You didn't do anything wrong, not really. The only mistake you made was trying to please me."

'Yes, for you would never—'

But Mephisto is interrupted when Natasha leans down, placing a hand on Ellie's head and planting a kiss into her hairline.

Ellie stares, blank-faced as Nat stands back up.

"That never did much for anyone," Nat finishes.

With that, she replaces the chair where she found it, and walks out of the wing while Ellie watches, features slack.

Ellie lays on her back in the med wing bed. It's been a while since Nat left.

After her parting gesture, even Mephisto had kept his peace for a while. It had just been her, the ceiling, and her longing, aching chest.

She'd been terrified to see Nat again, after what she'd done in the conference room. Her immediate respect for Nat had grown into a deep fondness and admiration. Seeing her looking up at her from the floor in pain and confusion had—

Ellie shudders involuntarily.

Now she's glad Nat came. She's even glad for the shame and guilt of it, if she can have Nat's forgiveness, too. But… but Nat's disappointment. That had…

Now I think I was a fool. And I was wrong to send you out there.

The words twist in Ellie like a knife.

'I told you you weren't a hero, Ellie,' says Mephisto, finally breaking his peace. 'I told you from the beginning.'

She hasn't the strength to argue. But for a time, the fight had been enough to live for. Something to have, to be, when everything else she knew was so far away.

"What am I doing?" she asks no one.

'Struggling,' says Mephisto. There's something different about his voice this time. The sardonic humor is gone, along with the arrogant drawl to his words. He sounds… sober.

She actually looks at him, fatigued resentment on her face.

He stands in front of one of the windows. The sky outside is dark, now. The window is just a black square. Mephisto turns and returns her look, seeming surprised to have her attention. There's no trace of a smile on his lips. He wears a neutral, if shrewd, expression.

'You're struggling, Ellie,' he continues frankly. 'Like every one of your miserable, suffering kin. Humans. People. Since the dawn of time, you've emerged into a world wanting only to live, and found yourself greeted by endless pain. You hate to suffer, but you refuse to die. So you remain, trapped in a hellish loop called 'life,' forevermore.'

Ellie's lips peel back from her teeth, not in anger. There are tears in her eyes again. She's thinking of Boston. Riley. Her mom she never knew. And Joel.

'This is what I've been trying to tell you, Ellie.' Mephisto really… he really sounds sympathetic, for the first time. 'You needn't suffer like this. I'm here. I've always been here, even before our psychic link. You remember what I called myself, right? The Great Benefactor. You thought it boast, or jest. No. I'm here to help those who haven't the strength to help themselves. They need only finally admit it.'

"What are you talking about?" Ellie mutters in a gravelly voice.

'Ellie, I've so enjoyed this little ride with you, but that's not why I placed my mark on you that day. I can offer you a gift. Something priceless, beyond all your dreams.'

"Like what?" she asks bitterly.

'Yes, still resentful. You think I don't sense your doubt. How about this; why don't you tell me, Ellie? What is it you want more than anything?'

For you to shut up forever, she thinks, turning her face into the pillow. A tear rolls down her cheek into the fabric.

Her mind wanders, though.

She thinks of Joel.

'Yes, of course. Your beloved. Your Only One, after all others had failed you. Well, even I cannot bring him back, Ellie. No one can.'

She begins to cry in earnest.

She thinks of Dina.

'Ah, your sweet Hyacinth. You walked a tortuous path. Both young, and too reckless. Each without the other might have perished, but, for a short, short while, you made a little paradise for yourselves. But that didn't last, did it?'

JJ's laughing face appears before her and her aching heart mourns her time at the farm.

Against her will, Ellie thinks of Maedlyn.

'Ah, your Winter bloom, your Magnolia, you found her when you'd thought yourself lost to love. And she was patient, no? But then she was ripped from you, too, along with everyone else.

'You fought your whole life to be safe and secure, surrounded by those you love. Then what happened, but along came heartless, greedy Fate, and snatched them all away as well. And you were cast alone into a new world, and more fighting.'

Ellie's chest shakes as small sobs take her.

'For a while, the fighting remained a comfort… but now, even that has been taken from you.'

Ellie's eyes pinch shut, tears rolling into the pillow. "Please…"

'Yes?'

"Please leave me alone…" Ellie sputters.

'Not so soon, Ellie.' His voice is soft, now. Gentle as a caring brother. 'You haven't answered my question, Ellie. About what you really want. Do you know why?'

Teeth clenched, Ellie shakes her head.

'It's because you do not know. All of these people you think of, dear to your mind and heart? Do you know what they have in common?'

Ellie's fist balls the pillow.

'Pain, Ellie. They have all brought you pain. And that is the gift that I offer you.'

Ellie's forehead burns. Mephisto, standing next to her now, lays his hand gently on her forehead. She pulls away weakly, but his flesh is surprisingly cool. His voice comes out melodious, just above a whisper.

'You need only pledge yourself to me, body and soul, and I will make it so you never have to feel pain again.'

Ellie grits her teeth. Her legs writhe against the loose blankets. Her chest aches, and aches. She misses Jackson so much she can barely stand it.

'I can take all this away…'

Ellie shakes her head into the pillow.

'You need only pledge…'

Suddenly, the hydraulic whoosh of the infirmary doors sounds again. Mephisto's hand and form disappear as she opens her eyes in alarm. Footsteps are heading her way again.

Hastily, she rubs her face with the sheets, getting as much of the tears and snot that she can. She finishes right as they're about to round the curtain to her bed, but by that time the glow is unmistakable. "Kamala?"

Kamala appears around the corner a second later. She smiles and strikes a little pose as if to say 'it's me!' Her eyes soften a bit. "Hey. How are you doing?"

Ellie is sitting up on the bed now, cheeks damp, probably looking like an awkward, disheveled mess. She wipes her cheeks a couple more times and kicks her legs over the side, trying to act like nothing is wrong. "Um…" she starts.

One look at Kamala's face tells her she won't be convinced.

Ellie looks at the ground. "I've been better." Her voice is shaky.

A familiar look of concern takes shape on Kamala's face, but for some reason, with her, it feels okay. She walks over and sits on the bed next to Ellie, so their hips are almost touching. "I thought so. Did something happen on the mission today?"

Ellie looks up sharply. She realizes that Kamala doesn't know about any of it yet. "You didn't talk to Nat?"

"I did, briefly. That's how I knew you were here. But she wouldn't tell me what happened, she said I should just talk to you."

Ellie's brow crinkles. She considers. "Something did happen… I screwed up. Nat was mad. She and Steve took me aside and…"

I didn't do anything wrong!

Ellie winces. "And I lost my temper. Nat came to see me. She was kind, but… I'm done. Going out with you guys."

"What?" Kamala asks, taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

Ellie sniffs. She feels tired, but it feels good to be honest with Kamala. "I'm going back to work with Alisande. Nat's taking me off ops."

Kamala stares in disbelief for a second, then stands up and rounds on Ellie. "That's bullshit!"

Ellie's caught off guard. "No, I'm serious, she just said—"

"Why?" Kamala asks, indignant. "What happened, Ellie? Did you get hurt?"

Elliot's dying face flashes in front of Ellie's eyes and she winces again. "No. No, Kamala, I screwed up—"

"We screw up all the time! She can't just take you off like that, you're great!"

"No, I'm not!" Ellie shouts.

Not expecting that, Kamala takes a half step back.

Feeling badly, Ellie holds up a trembling hand, but she doesn't know what to say. She looks back and forth for words. "Someone got killed, Kamala. Someone who didn't need to. And it was my fault."

Kamala's brow is wrinkled as she digests Ellie's words. She's still angry, and now a little hurt. "What happened?"

"I don't… I don't want to say…"

"Why not?" Kamala asks, indignation returning. "Because I'm little? Because I'm young, and fragile?"

Thinking exactly that, Ellie's nonplussed. She stares back, embarrassed and with no words.

"That's bullshit, too," says Kamala. "Ellie, I've been the youngest person around here for a while, now. It's not news to me, okay? I am new, and I am inexperienced, and sometimes, maybe a little stupid, but I'm not weak, okay? And I'm not gonna sit here and watch someone I admire get benched like that without knowing why, okay? So just tell me. What happened?"

Ellie sits with her hands cupped in her lap, lips parted in a little grimace. She's guilty, because that's precisely how she's thought of Kamala. And she doesn't want anything bad to touch her. Probably like the others. But since she came on board the Chimera, that first day, Kamala has proven herself a good friend time and again. And Ellie owes it to her now.

Ellie sighs.

"The mission went fine until I was on the way out and I encountered a captured inhuman."

Kamala's features soften as she listens.

"It wasn't the first time I'd seen it… And I know the mission comes first and everything. But he… he was tied up. Hurt, obviously. It looked like he was dying. It reminded me of…" Ellie places a hand on her temple and shakes her head. "Never mind what it reminded me of, but I felt like I had to help him.

"His name was Elliot. I got him down, but he was weak. So weak. He slowed me down. We got caught by drones on the way out. Then an adaptoid showed up."

"Oh, crap…" says Kamala.

"Yeah, it was pretty scary. We fought it and took it out, but… but Elliot didn't make it. That's when Nat found me. She got me out, and…"

Ellie's lips work but she doesn't know what else to say. The rest is just horrible, messy feelings.

"And it turns out saving people is harder than just staying alive."

Kamala watches her, head tilted and arms hanging by her sides. "So that's it?"

"Huh?"

"That's what happened today?"

Ellie nods.

"You tried to save someone and couldn't? That's why you can't fight anymore?"

Ellie screws up her lips. "I mean, you make it sound dumb, but yeah." Anger pushes past Ellie's throat. "Yeah, kinda Kamala."

"Well, that's bullshit," Kamala replies finally, this time with resolve. She moves back to the bed and sits next to Ellie again.

"Look," she says, "it's never happened to me, not quite like that. And I'm sorry."

Something about Kamala's eyes in that moment melt Ellie's defenses, and she finds tears in her eyes all over again. She looks at her lap.

"But I've had to leave people behind, too. People I couldn't protect, or who swore they didn't need or want protection. The list of people I haven't helped will always be longer than the people I have. Someone I really respect told me that. And that's no reason to give up."

"I'm not giving up, Kamala," says Ellie in exasperation. "It's Nat's decision!"

"Is it?" Kamala asks, "or was she just waiting for you to push back?"

"Kamala…" Ellie grips the sides of her head. "I get what you're saying, but Nat… I trust her, and what's more…" Ellie screws up her face. She doesn't want to talk about what she did to Nat. Her voice comes out smaller. "Kamala, you're kind to me, but you don't know who I really am. You don't know where I've come from. You don't know the things that I've done. I'm not like you guys."

She sees Nora's resentful eyes staring back at her.

"I'm not a hero."

Kamala listens patiently with a dissatisfied look on her face. She takes a breath. "Okay."

"Okay?" Ellie asks.

"Okay," says Kamala. "I don't know where you're from. And I don't know what you've done. I'll tell you what I do know. You got dealt an awful hand, but you didn't let that shut you down. You'd rather take action than sit idly by. And when you see someone else get treated badly, treated wrong, you'll fight to make it right. Tooth and nail, if you have to. What does that sound like to you?"

For some reason, Steve's voice enters her head.

I've met quite a few people who confuse 'stupid' and 'innocent.' And 'stubborn' and 'determined' are two sides of the same coin.

Ellie blinks. "Like someone stupid and stubborn."

Kamala returns her look soberly for a moment, then breaks into a laugh.

Ellie's eyes widen. "What?"

Kamala smiles secretly. She leans in. "Me, too."

Ellie's features slacken.

Kamala continues. "Look, I trust Nat, too, but…" She bites her lip. "Look, that same person also told me that we might take loss after loss, but the only way to be defeated is to give up on yourself. And that sometimes we do that even before the people around us have. And moments like that are when we need our friends the most."

Something shifts in Ellie's chest. "Wh…?"

Kamala looks back and forth between Ellie's eyes, a little mischief in her smile. "I'm not sure you know what you got, Ellie."

The memory of Maedlyn saying the same thing strikes Ellie.

"Tell you what," says Kamala, "why don't you sleep on it? I'll talk to you in the morning."

She squeezes Ellie's shoulder before getting up. On her way back around the curtain, she smiles over her shoulder, throwing up a 'v for victory' sign.

It's just the sound of Kamala's quiet footsteps until the doors to the ward open and close again. Ellie lets out a long breath, and falls back onto her pillow, finally just feeling exhausted.

I'm not sure you know what you got, Ellie.

'Precocious little miss,' comments Mephisto.

He's standing by the window again, gazing out. His tone is subdued, like he's had enough for now as well.

'Such blind faith she has in you,' he adds.

"Why wouldn't she?" Ellie replies out loud. "She hasn't seen the other side of me."

Piqued, Mephisto half turns. 'No denial?'

"I've had enough of that for one life," she says. "Please," she rolls over into her pillow, "just let me sleep."

For once, he obliges her, and she hears only the sound of new rain hitting the hull before drifting into darkness.