Author note: This is a short follow up. It will keep building, i promise!
I appreciate your time for reading and love feedback. Thanks!
Olivia finally pulled herself up from Elliot's embrace trying to regain some composure as she wiped her tear stained face. She ran her fingers through her hair and thought how much of mess she must look like right now, he had never seen her like this. Elliot sat facing her never loosing eye contact as watched her intensely. Olivia took a deep breath in an attempt to hold back more tears.
"My Sophomore year of college" she paused.
"I got pregnant. I was only seeing this guy, casually... I was so stupid. What was I thinking!" Elliot placed his hands on hers as she tilted her head now looking at the ground. "We weren't anything serious and I was scarred. I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion.." as she shook her head and pulled her hands from his grip. "I told him about the pregnancy and he didn't want me to have it- her. It was a girl." She said as she raised her head looking back into Elliot's deep blue eyes with a half smile holding back tears. She went quiet for moment. "Emma" she paused "I named my baby girl Emma…before I gave her away to someone else" as tears rain down her face again. Elliot's heart felt like it was tearing as he witnessed Olivia breakdown and hearing her story, he had never seen her like this and he was beyond concerned.
"It's okay Liv" He pulled her close to his chest and kissed her forehead lovingly while caressing her hair. They were quiet for a few minutes. Elliot didn't want to push her because he knew she would shut him out and avoid sharing her feelings which was a privilege for him to be apart of. She had a beautiful, compassion heart for others but didn't hold her own emotions with the same aspect. The pair sat in silence for a while holding each onto each other, processing their own feelings.
"She wants to meet me, El" Olivia whispered "I gave her away.." she trailed off holding back tears.
"Olivia, look at me" Elliot said as he moved forward and braced her face "You did what you you thought was best for your baby, that is a huge selfless choice in itself. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are the strongest person I know" as he kissed her forehead trying not to tear up himself. "You're an amazing person Olivia. You will be a beautiful mother whenever it happens." This statement hit him hard. He wished with every ounce of his being that he would father Olivia's children, be her husband, wake up next to her everyday. Even if it was selfish for him to want those things, his heart still wanted it. He knew from the first day he met her that she was something special.
Her whole existence was always something she had always struggled with and questioned based on her conception, but Elliot knew whole heartedly that she was something like no other. Gorgeous, strong, intelligent, independent, and a standout badass within her own right. He sat with that thought for a moment, imagining the havoc another Olivia Benson must be doing to young hearts that pass her.
But Olivia was being exposed to her most vulnerable element, not holding back on her emotions which wasn't something that came easy to her. These emotions had been bottled up for the last eighteen years having no one to open up to but were finally allowed to be exposed to the one person she could trust with her life entirely, Elliot Stabler. The only man she would ever trust with her heart and soul, whether she was wanted to or not. It would always be him.
He couldn't help his words as they left his mouth caught up in the moment, "I love you, Olivia." Elliot whispered as his words sung to Olivia's heart. She knew the man in front of her was telling his whole heartedly truth and could feel it in her bones.
"I love you too, El." She managed to say as she felt the weight of body become numb as she collapsed into Elliot and feel his arms around her weightless body. She couldn't believe who she was at this moment. What was she doing, allowing anyone into this emotional existence. Olivia felt herself start to calm down and drift of to darkness in Elliot's arms, hearing the soothing sound of his heartbeat. Olivia couldn't have been more grateful for his presents or body, something she didn't know she needed so much.
Olivia woke suddenly as she sat up trying to catch her breath and took a moment to figure out her surroundings. The room was dark and realised she was in her own bed, she grabbed her phone and saw that it was 2.17 am. She had no idea when she had fallen asleep, let alone gotten into bed. "Elliot" she thought to herself. He had carried her to bed. She realised he must have left after she fell asleep. She hopped out of bed and went to get a drink of water where she noticed Elliot sprawled out on the couch snoring lightly. Olivia went to the hall closet and grabbed a blanket and placed it across him gently. She watched him for a moment in his complete angelic state. He looked so peaceful and handsome as his bare chest rose evenly as he slept. She knew how lucky she was to have him in her life and how deeply he cared for her because she had never had that feeling growing up. She gently kissed his forehead lightly. Deep down she wanted him in her bed sleeping next to her just to feel the presents of his body and warmth, not to be sexual just content with each other. Elliot was a diamond in the rough to most people, but he was always Olivia's shining gold, now and forever. She got herself a drink of water and went back to her bed alone and eventually forced herself back to sleep.
The next morning when she woke up it took her a moment to realise last nights events. She was almost embarrassed of how her emotions over took her. Oh god, Elliot. He must have went home late she thought, feeling awful for the way she had acted until she smelt the aroma of coffee in the air. Shit, he must still be here. Olivia got up and went to the bathroom dreading the confrontation awaiting her in the kitchen. After a few minutes she emerged from the bathroom and sat down on her bed trying to gather her thoughts.
"Liv, are you awake?" She heard a soft knock on the door and Elliot's angelic soft deep voice that gave her the chills, embarrassed that she knew he had been waiting for her.
"Yeah El, you can come in" she replied nervously.
He opened the door cautiously holding two mugs of coffee. Once again she had an overwhelming appreciation for his presents and small kind gestures. He walked in and handed Olivia a cup coffee and sat down on the edge of her bed.
"Thank you" she gave a small smile and took sip.
"How did you sleep?" Elliot asked cautiously.
"I slept okay. What about you? I'm sorry you had to sleep on the couch, you didn't have to stay."
"Liv, I couldn't leave you like that." He said softly.
"I'm fine, I just… needed…" she sighed but wasn't really sure how to finish her sentence.
Elliot pulled her in close to his shoulder for comfort. He knew he needed to tread carefully. Olivia's emotional territory was rarely made public, so for her to be exposing herself this much was a huge deal. Elliot was a tough guy on the outside but Olivia somehow managed to breakdown every ounce of hard exterior he without even trying and he didn't fight it. It only took one look into her big brown eyes and he would just melt. They had a connection without even trying.
Olivia's personal life was exactly that, personal. She kept to herself and wasn't going to openly discuss her personal life or allow anyone to just walk in and out if her life, she had to keep her guard up at all times. Disclosing the fact she gave birth seventeen years ago when she was only a child herself and placed her baby for adoption was something that cast a shadow over her everyday. Growing up through trauma and with the knowledge of how her existence came to be made it harder for her to allow herself to be loved and her defence was survival mode, born to survive. She was a beautiful person inside and out but could never allow anyone take advantage of that, always having her guard up because she was a lone wolf. Elliot resonated with her, meant to be together from the beginning, he had his own demons to fight. They were two broken souls that ignited each other and somehow found one another.
"I'm sorry" Olivia whispered, trying to hold back tears. She felt guilty for allowing herself to be so exposed, but it was Elliot. He brought down her walls every damn time.
Elliot clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. He placed his hand on Olivia's face and rested his forehead against hers "I'm here Olivia. I'll always be here." His words sung to her heart as she closed her eyes. Elliot wanted to take all of her pain away but knew not to push her too far.
Olivia got up to take a shower while Elliot made them some breakfast.
"Feeling better?" He asked with a smile from the kitchen. She smiled and nodded her head as she walked into the kitchen area interested by the smell that's was coming from there.
"Go and sit down, I've made breakfast" Elliot spoke shooing her out of the kitchen. He walked over moments later with two plates of pancakes in his hand and place one down in front of Olivia.
"Thanks El" she said sweetly. He kissed the top of her damp haired head and took a seat across from her at the table. He loved the way she always smelt like coconut shampoo. They sat quietly and ate their food.
"So what are we doing today?" Elliot questioned to break the silence. Olivia took a deep breath and struggled her shoulders.
"It's a nice day out, why don't we have a picnic in Central Park?" Elliot suggested. Olivia was slightly taken back by his idea.
"Really? Since when do you do picnics?" She half laughed.
"I'm a man of many surprises" he said with a cheesy grin as he took the breakfast dishes into the kitchen.
"I guess so." Olivia said as she stood up to help with the dish.
"No it's fine, I've got it." Elliot said.
They stopped at a corner store and grabbed some snacks, cheese and ready made sandwiches because it was evident that Olivia didn't frequently do her grocery shopping due to the lack of food in her fridge and cupboards back at her apartment.
The two spent a few hours talking on the picnic blanket and grazing on the food they had brought along. No serious or heavy conversations, just general talk and fun banter without the discussion of work or the letter. They walked around the park and Olivia was taking in every word he said as he was talking about his kids and what was happening with school, sports and their general lives. She could see the love he had in his eyes as he spoke about each one and knew how much he loved being a father. She knew she had to meet her daughter, but was afraid of what she had given up.