It had been a few days since Olivia had shared the intimate details of her past with Elliot, her feelings were still raw. She hovered over the keyboard of her laptop trying to decide how she should respond to the request that her daughter wants to meet with her. Her daughter - those words cut her deep. She had a piece of her out there in the world. She wondered what she looked like. She could walk past her in the street and would never even know it was her. As agreed, it was a closed adoption. There was no contact, no address provided or photo updates. Olivia thought it was best if her daughter grew up without their lives colliding and causing disruption. Her family was exactly that , her family. Olivia didn't even know if her parents would disclose the fact that she was adopted or give her the letter that she had left for her when leaving the hospital.
She had trouble focusing at work all week but of course Elliot was all over that, observing Olivia from a distance. He knew there wasn't a lot he could do but knew she needed to eat after she had been skipping meals and surviving off caffeine.
"Liv, let's go grab some lunch" Elliot said standing up from behind his desk. Olivia had her attention focused on the computer.
"Liv" he repeated.
"What?" She replied slightly frustrated.
"Where going out for lunch, grab your stuff." He said forcefully.
"I'm fine, I'll get something out of the vending machine" she said as she looked back at the computer.
"I wasn't asking.." Elliot said without hesitation and a more forceful tone. Olivia looked up at him and could see the determination on his face.
"Alright, fine." She sighed in defeat as she went to go grab her purse out of her locker.
Elliot drove them to a place he knew about 20 minutes out of the city, he thought a change of scenery was well needed. It was a little Italian place that Elliot was familiar with and he knew that Olivia always love a good bowl of pasta. They sat opposite each other near the widow and soaked up each other's company, talked and managed to get Olivia to laugh.
Elliot lived to protect that smile, she could light up a room or break your heart without even trying. His thoughts trailed off to her lips, longing for mouths to collide with passion. He stopped himself there because he was heading towards dangerous territory. Elliot could never jeopardise his boundaries with Olivia because if he ever lost her due to something so preventable he would never be able to forgive himself. They drove back to the city together and Olivia had her glow back. The pair got off work around six and both went their separate ways.
Olivia had been home a while, she sat on her couch with a glass of wine flicking through the channels but not really paying much attention to the images on the screen. She stopped settled for The Office and pulled over her laptop from beside her and opened the lid, the screen was still open on her email to the adoption agency she was so anxious to send. She starting tapping at the keys typing out her contact information, Olivia passed for a moment and took a deep breath then hit the send button. She took a sip of wine and closed the laptop.
Olivia could sleep that night, she couldn't switch off her thoughts then she heard he phone chime. She grabbed her phone, Elliot's name lit up screen. "Hey. You awake?" she half smiled. "Yeah, can't sleep." She replied.
Sometimes it was like her could read her mind, she knew he could read her like a book from her body language or their connection was more than just a professional partnership and that scared her. Olivia's guard was always up and had been from a young age especially when men and romantic relationships were involved.
Elliot pulled on some clothes, grabbed his keys and headed over to Olivia's apartment. When he pulled up outside her building all the lights were off. He wondered if she had fallen asleep already but took a chance and went up stairs anyway.
Olivia heard a soft knock at the door, she walked out into the lounge room and switched on a light. She opened the door to Elliot and gave him a gentle smile.
"Hey" he said, "I didn't wake you?" Elliot said in a low tone.
She shook her head and let him in.
"You want a beer?" Olivia asked as she walked into the kitchen as Elliot headed to the couch.
"Sure" he said dropping himself onto the couch.
Olivia walked over with two beers in her hand. Elliot loved seeing Olivia in all her natural beauty. She was wearing grey sweat pants, and oversized NYPD T-shirt and had her hair loosely tied back. She handed him a beer and sat down on the other side of the couch.
"I emailed the adoption agency." She blurted out.
"Oh yeah?" He responded slightly taken back by how forward she was being without him having to coach information out of her.
"Yes. I can't believe she wants to meet me." As she took a sip of beer. "What if she doesn't like me?" She whispered.
"Liv, you can't do this to yourself" Elliot said sitting up.
"I just have no idea what's going to happen. What if she thinks I didn't want her and abandoned her?" Olivia said quietly.
"Liv, she's going to have a lot questions for you. But you did what you did out of love and you can't feel guilty for that." He moved over towards her, put his arm around her and pulled her close.
Olivia rested her head on his chest for a while as got lost in her thoughts and zoned out. Elliot finished his beer and realised Olivia must have fallen asleep because the clock read it was after 1am and that had to get up for work in a few short hours. Olivia sat up when Elliot started to move.
"I thought you had fallen asleep" Elliot stayed.
"You're not that boring Stabler" she joked as she got up and took the empty beer bottles to the recycling bin. He grinned and shook his head.
"I better head home, it's late Liv" Elliot said as he grabbed his jacket and keys.
"You can crash here tonight El, the couch is all yours" Olivia said, she went over to hall closet and grabbed some spare blankets.
"You don't mind?" He asked taking his jacket off again.
"It's fine El" she replied with a smile and sleepy eyes. She threw him a pillow off her bed. "Goodnight Elliot" she called as she walked back into her room and closed the door. She fell asleep not long after her head hit the pillow feeling emotionally drained.
"Night Liv" he called back and made himself comfortable on the couch.
It had been six months since he and Kathy had gotten a divorce and he hated going home to a small empty apartment. The kids would stay with him every second weekend but as they were getting older their lives were getting busier with school, friends and sports. He loved his kids with every fibre of his being and being a father was the most important job he had, but being away from his kids took a toll on him.
The alarm on Elliot's phone went off at 6, he felt like shit as he searched around the floor to turn it off. He sat up and scrubbed his hands down his face, Olivia's door was still closed so he got up to make them some coffee, as he walked past her door he could hear the shower running. His mind started swirling with images of Olivia's naked body, dripping in water. Elliot felt flushed for moment and a wave of guilt instantly hit him for imagining such intimate things about Olivia. He looked around the kitchen looking for something he could make for breakfast but her cupboards were pretty empty, he eventually found some bread in the fridge. By the time he had made coffee and cooked some toast Olivia walked out dressed and ready for work.
"Liv, do you ever actually buy groceries? There's nothing here" He asked as he handed her a cup of coffee.
"I don't mind take out" she said shrugging her shoulders and took a sip of coffee.
"You gotta eat better than take out, Olivia" he said in his fatherly tone.
Not that he thought Olivia was unhealthy in anyway, quite the opposite actually. She was fit. Her body and beauty attracted a lot of attention wherever she went with her long slender legs, toned stomach and sun kissed tan skin always made heads turn. Her clothes hugged her curves in all the right places as her slacks sat on her hips and showed of the perfect shape of her ass, her blouse left just enough visible cleavage for the imagination to run wild with. Once again he found himself flushed thinking such thoughts about Olivia. He averted his eyes from her and sipped on his coffee.
The pair left in their own cars and headed into work. They walked into the precinct together by 8.30 and started their day.
Olivia was sitting at her desk filling out paper work when she heard her phone ring.
"Olivia Benson" she answered as she listened to the voice speak on the other end for a moment, her face then became more serious. Olivia got up from her desk to go find somewhere more private to continue her conversation. Elliot noticed her leave on the phone call and his brow furrowed in curiosity. She returned a few minutes later.
"What was that about?" He asked as she took a seat.
"That was the adoption agency" she replied as her big brown eyes looked back at Elliot.
"Are you okay?" Elliot said quietly.
"Yeah I'm fine, I just had to confirm some of my with details with them and answer a few questions. This is really happening now isn't it?" She asked with a half hearted smile.
"Yes. I'm here for anything you need Liv" he said tenderly and she knew he meant it.
"I need to arrange a time and a mutual meeting place. I have no idea where to meet her" Olivia said as she leaned back in her chair running her fingers through her hair.