Olivia walked into the cafe an scanned the room for Emma, she hadn't arrived yet so she checked her phone and sent a quick text to Emma to tell her she was here. Her phone chimed what seemed like almost instantly after she had hit send "I'm 5 minutes away. Running late, sorry! See you soon :)" Olivia smiled down at her phone. Emma appeared minutes later as promised, Josh hugged her goodbye and left. She walked into the cafe and spotted Olivia at a table, she shot her a giant smile and walked over to take a seat. Olivia stood up and gave her a hug, it still wasn't real that she was hugging her seventeen year old daughter.
"Hi sweetheart" Olivia said.
"Hey Olivia, sorry I was late. Dad went the wrong way" Emma replied.
"It's fine, have you had breakfast?" Olivia asked sitting back down.
"No, I'm starving though!" Emma stated.
"Order whatever you want, breakfast is on me" Olivia offered. There pair sat and spoke while they had breakfast together, Olivia was still full from her breakfast earlier with Elliot so she just had a cup of tea and picked at a muffin. Emma was talking about how much she loved the city, she spoke about school, her friends and plans for the what their day would entail as Olivia took it all in. She couldn't help but wonder where they would be now if she had kept her, she would have been a mother to a seventeen year old and that was hard for her to wrap her head around still. They finished their meal and left the cafe together and caught a cab to the museum.
"Have you been here before?" Emma asked as they walked towards the building.
"I haven't actually, considering I've been a New Yorker all my life" Olivia laughed.
"I love it here" she paused "My mom used to bring me here every summer break." She noticed the mood shift in Emma.
"I was more of a library girl myself. My mom was an English professor so I was always around books." Olivia replied. There were many times growing up Olivia needed to get out of the house and away from her mother when she would be in one of her drunken outbursts. She didn't have many options on where she could go safely but learnt quickly the library was a safe sanctuary for her.
"An English professor? Impressive" Emma replied "And you turned out to be a cop" she laughed.
"I did. I knew from an early age I wanted to be a police officer." Olivia half cringed at her own answer knowing the truth behind it.
"What's your mom's name?" Emma asked curiously.
"Serena" She said with a slight smile "She passed away years ago."
"Oh..I'm sorry.." Emma responded apologetically.
"No, no, it's okay honey" Olivia said placing her hand on Emma's arm and Emma smiled back at her. "So if you're a regular here, you can lead the way" Olivia teased as they walked into the museum. They spent the next two hours wandering around the museum taking in all the art exhibitions, this wasn't something Olivia would usually spend her free time doing but being able to spend this time with Emma meant the world to her. Emma gave Olivia her insights to the pieces on display, Olivia had no eye for art in the slightest but she was memorized by her daughter and how intelligent she was. She thought back to when she was Emma's age, how she would spend so much time alone taking care of herself, surviving, craving affection and a family which lead to finding comfort in people she learnt would only be taking advantage of her in all the wrong ways. She couldn't imagine ever putting her daughter through so much trauma. After they finished the sights of the museum it was Emma's choice for their next destination. They walked out of the building and into the warm heat of the bustling city.
"Shopping!" Emma announced keenly.
"You want to go shopping?" Olivia asked. This was another unfamiliar element to a typical mother/daughter relationship Olivia never experienced growing up. Shopping wasn't really something Olivia frequently did or enjoyed for that matter, mostly only whenever Casey would drag her along but never imagined she would get to experience this with her own daughter.
"Hell yeah! You can't expect a girl to come to the big Apple and not shop!"
"I'm going to need more caffeine.." Olivia teased as Emma pulled her along the sidewalk and spent they spent the next few hours exploring stores. Emma was her element browsing all the New York fashion and Olivia had insisted on purchasing a jacket for Emma that she had fallen in love with
"Where to now?" Emma asked keenly after they decided they were done with their shopping.
Olivia knew exactly where she wanted to end the day with Emma. "We need a cab." Olivia said stepping out to hail one down with one almost instantly pulling up.
"Like a true New Yorker" Emma teased shaking her head as Olivia laughed.
Twenty minutes later they arrived in Brooklyn at a park along the river that showcased views of the entire city skyline and the brooklyn bridge. It was where Olivia would often visit when she needed to clear her mind and take a break from reality. Back when Elliot was still married and he would go home to Kathy and the kids, she would have hard days when she was stuck in her own mind and couldn't call on Elliot whenever she wanted to. She would come here to read or to run. Running had always been her release and an ex scale for her since she was a teenager. She wasn't really sure why she felt the need to bring Emma here, maybe it was because some of the days she ended up here was because of the thoughts that swirled in her mind of her daughter.
Olivia and Emma began to walk along side the river as the warm afternoon breeze blew through their hair and illuminated the city skyline. They had easy going conversations with each other so casually as they were continually learning about each other and their similarities. After some time they stopped to get some ice cream.
"What's your flavor?" Olivia asked Emma as she ordered the scoops.
"I'll have pistachio, please" she responded not thinking much about her favorite ice cream flavor. Olivia laughed. "What?" Emma asked "Something to share with the class detective?" as she raised an eyebrow and laughed.
"Nothing" Olivia replied glancing a smile over at Emma as she paid for their ice cream. They found a bench to sit at to and took in the city view in front of them, they remained quite for a few minutes as they are their ice cream.
Olivia broke the silence first. "When I was pregnant with you, my number one cravings was pistachio ice cream actually"
"Seriously?" Emma spoke, surprised by Olivia's comment. She could already sense that Olivia was more of a private person and wasn't an over sharer.
"Yes. I was a TA in college and sometimes a craving would hit late at night when I would be awake grading papers or studying. Nowhere on campus would be open so I'd have to settle for peanut butter and Oreos or chips. You were such a little night owl." Olivia never spoke about her pregnancy but the memories came flooding back of nights spent sitting alone in her dorm room until the early hours of the morning with her head stuck in a books or papers while binging on junk while Emma kicked away inside her stomach.
"Explains a lot!" Emma said eating a spoonful of her ice cream and Olivia looked over at her "I eat peanut butter and Oreos all the time, dad tells me off for eating straight out the jar" They both laughed.
"Did you stay in New York for college?"
"I did, I went to Hudson University"
"It must have been a lot to be pregnant so young and in college.."
Olivia took in a deep breath "It was... unexpected."
"You must have been so scared, I couldn't imagine telling my mom something like that."
"I didn't have the best relationship with my mom. She had her own...struggles and it put a lot of distance between us." Olivia didn't want to go into too much detail about Serena, how could she possibly share that with her daughter. "I was only ever me and my mother, we didn't have extended family and I was on my own most of the time. I didn't have a real family."
Emma broke her gaze with Olivia and looked out across the river at the city skyline. "It's just..for a while..I kept asking myself why you couldn't keep me, why you didn't want me. I love my parents but I always felt like something was missing. It felt worse after my mom died, like I lost another mother.."
"Oh, sweetheart," Olivia's heart sunk hearing those words. She placed her hands over Emma's "It didn't mean I didn't want you, sweetie. I loved you from the moment I knew you existed, it just...wasn't the best timing and I wasn't in the position to give you everything you needed." She felt tears start to sting her eyes but held them back as best she could and took a deep breath. "Letting you go was the hardest decision I've made in my life and always will be. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder how you're doing, if you're happy and safe and loved. All the things I wish whole heartedly that i could have given you."
"But you never tried to find me?" Those oh so familiar liquid brown eyes stared back at her.
"I chose a closed adoption so I didn't cause any upheaval or confusion in your life. I grew up with so much instability. It was just me and my mom and no other family...I just didn't want that for you."
They were quiet for a moment "I just missed you you, I didn't know you but I always missed you.." she paused "I barely know you know but I feel like I do..it's feels so..familiar and comfortable..like I've always known you."
Emma's words were like a knife to Olivia's heart, she never ever wanted her daughter to feel alone, Olivia knew all too well how shitty a feeling it was to personally experience. She pulled Emma into her arms with a firm grip and stroked her hair as tears fell from her eyes "You're loved. You'll always be loved. I'll be here for you as long as you want me in your life." Olivia whispered as the words soothed Emma.
In that moment Olivia was grateful that her daughter wanted her, allowing her into her life and felt so many different emotions hit her at once. They were finally reunited with one another.
Emma let go of Olivia's hold and faced her "I need you Olivia." She almost whimpered.
"I'm here, honey. I'll always be here."
Emma took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that had escaped her eyes.
"We should probably get back to the city, you're dad is going to be wondering where we are" Olivia said as she gave Emma a reassuring smile.
"Okay" she smiled back. Emma knew this weekend was going cause some sort of shift in her life, but she now realized how much she needed this woman. She needed Olivia.
They arrived back at the hotel where they had to say their goodbyes. This was the hardest part for Olivia, to have to say goodbye again. Olivia hated this part but felt that this weekend had brought them each some closure and a edging closing to building relationship together, everything she had ever wanted. She felt privileged that Emma had allowed her into her life and hoped things would progress in the right direction, she didn't know if she had the strength in her to loose Emma.
As Olivia pulled Emma into her arms for a long hug, "You've got my number, call or text me anytime. I'm always here. I promise." She said trying to hold her emotions together. Once again Emma felt a wave of comfort through Olivia's soothing tone of voice, it's like her mind never let her forget the sound of her mother.
"I...would really like to see you again soon, Olivia." Emma quickly replied. She was having a surprisingly hard time saying goodbye to Olivia, she couldn't believe the connection she already felt to her in just a short amount of time. This woman was pure, strong, beautiful, her soul radiated compassion. They knew deep down they needed each other.
"I would really like that, honey" Olivia said in a husky tone as tears glossed her eyes. She hugged Josh goodbye too and thanked him for agreeing to their meeting too.
Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she left in a cab heading home, she felt like the piece of her heart had been returned to her. A piece that always left her feeling empty was finally healing. Her heart, soul and mind need this win, Olivia deserved happiness and the family she had wished so long for.
Once she arrived home she kicked off her shoes, poured a glass of wine and collapsed on the couch. She took a sip from her glass and smiled remembering the person she has shared the same space with less than 24 hours ago. She took out her phone and text Elliot that she was home safely, the day went well at that she would see him at work tomorrow. Olivia wished he was here with her but felt it was better to be alone right now, she needed time to process all the events of the weekend. Her emotions were running high, she needed her own time to process. But her heart was feeling fuller.