In some ways, Beth was getting better. In others, she would only deteriorate at this rate. She was becoming increasingly active in and around the house with each passing day. She put on a little weight, the shadows underneath her eyes were disappearing... though she still had her on and off weeks in the hygiene department. She even bought ebooks on gardening and floriography, deciding their little world could use some more natural color.
But Loki still heard her sob and beg in her sleep on some nights. She recently picked up the habit of leaving her door cracked open at night, because it was better than jumping up to check and see if it would open first thing every morning. There are times when she visibly tenses if he comes near her, and questions his motives over the simplest act of kindness. Then there were her conversations with inanimate objects, which Loki considered to be a harmless quirk, until she started calling them by the names of dead people and estranged family members.
She even confessed to him that she misses the catharsis of killing people. And that every time she wakes up in the morning, the first thing she does is wish she died in her sleep. The weight of all the worst parts of her life falling down on her at once, first thing upon consciousness. She goes to bed at night afraid that she will wake up.
Loki thought the most pressing issue was obvious: more than half of this woman's life was hell, and having to cycle through those memories is killing her from inside. She needed new memories. Lots of them. Ones that imprint on her just as deeply as the old ones do. She couldn't get those here, roaming in a circle, staring at a screen.
He tried not to pressure her, because he didn't want her to think that she was becoming unwelcome. But his greater concern overruled one morning over breakfast.
"Beth, it is time to breach an uncomfortable topic."
At least wait for me to swallow my food. "... What?"
"The outside world."
"Oh. Ugh." She stabs one of her sausages with a fork, in a way that reminds Loki of that man in Germany.
"If I had not 'Googled' you, I wouldn't even believe you were a killer. I think you're ready to be around others without causing a scene."
And for Beth, "causing a scene" has formerly involved things like slaying senior citizens and propping their bodies to look like they were having a tea party.
"Do you think people would know?"
Loki shrugged. "So you resemble someone they read about on the internet. You can prove that's not you."
"That's not what I mean. If the other Beth walked around Gotham without anyone recognizing her, I'm sure I can walk freely anywhere else. I meant..." She actually looked a little embarrassed, and Loki thought that was an adorable expression on her. "When I look in the mirror, the person I see looks crazy to me. In the eyes. I have crazy eyes."
"Your eyes look fine to me." Most of the time. "They are very expressive, so when you're upset or... unhinged, it is visible. The eyes are windows to the soul. Whatever you are thinking shows to a degree, so if you're thinking about the times you mutilated dead bodies, you might look a bit scary."
Case in point, the look she just gave him for saying that.
"Are you sure I don't look crazy? Don't flatter me. I actually care how I'm going to look to other people."
"I cannot promise anything, because it depends on what is happening in your head at the moment. But I can promise that you will only grow more anxious about it the longer you wait." He reached for the pancake syrup.
Her eyes watched his hand movements, but she was lost in thought. Finally she blinks and replies, "Okay. Give me one more week."
"Take as much time as you want. I'm only making suggestions."
"Great. So do me a favor, and stay on my ass about this for the next week. By next Saturday, I wanna start having a life."
"It's going to rain that day."
Her eyebrows shot up. "I love the rain!"
The spark in her eyes seemed fitting to be followed by thunder. Loki blatantly stared at her as she continued eating with a childlike grin and dreamy expression, like she was recalling some pleasant memory, or planning an exciting journey.
"Why are you staring at me?" she asked without ceasing her movements or changing her expression at all. Loki almost thought he imagined it. He clears his throat after another two seconds, feeling stupid.
"I... forgot that I was eating." Then he slowly facepalms. What the fuck did I just say?
"What the fuck?" she echoed his thoughts with a short laugh. "I'm sorry; rain reminds you of your brother, doesn't it?"
He opened his mouth and–Don't tell her the truth you fucking idiot!–said, "How did you know?"
She shrugged. "Because thunder god."
She actually felt a little disappointed. So he wasn't really staring at me.
And Loki mentally sighed with relief. Big brother still saves him once in a while. Oddly enough, he actually hadn't been thinking about Thor one bit. Beth reminded him of all types of different weather in her own ways.
When Loki came home the next evening, Beth wasn't there, and neither was the black Mercedes he usually left parked outside in case she ever wanted or needed to get away.
Worried, the first thing he did was call her cellphone.
Beth picked up after the third ring, greeting him with a cheery, "What's up, roomie?"
He immediately sighed with relief. "You're alright."
"Yeah, I'm on my way home."
"Alright. Ummm... How long should you be?"
"Probably like 45 minutes."
"Well... drive safely."
"See you soon."
Loki turns the screen off and puts his phone down on the table, confused. He has only spoken to two other people on it, and those conversations were intense. He couldn't tell if the conversation he just had with Beth was normal or not.
Thirty minutes later, he heard the familiar heavy-handed knock on his bedroom door. He flinched and swiftly hid an item underneath his blanket, cursing himself for not hearing her come home.
"Come in."
When the door opened, his jaw dropped. Beth's hair was now platinum blonde from root to end, cut and styled into a wavy asymmetrical lob with side-swept bangs.
"How do I look?" Beth asked, twirling around in a red maxi dress decorated with a pink and white floral design.
"You look positively enchanting."
"Enchanting. Yikes. Thank you."
This time, he felt no shame in staring. "I thought you were going to wait until Saturday."
"Well, I felt confident today, so I gave myself a head start."
"I'm proud of you. And you look exquisite."
Beth could tell he meant that, and she blushed. Then blushed harder when she realized she was blushing, like a girl who enjoys being called pretty and all its synonyms. Just like she used to be.
"Wasn't as hard as you thought it would be, was it?"
"Nowhere near. It's crazy how natural it feels to be around people after so long. And no one stared at me. Well... not until after I left the salon."
"Are you still making plans for Saturday?"
"Yes, but before we get to that..." She sat on the edge of the bed beside him, like she has dozens of times before by that point. "Let's discuss another uncomfortable topic."
"... What?"
She crossed her legs and folded her hands over one knee with feign professionalism. "This morning, when I heard you walk out the front door, I went and peeked out the living room window. Your key had just finished turning in the door by the time I took two steps out of my bedroom, but you were nowhere to be found. Nowhere. I went outside, walked around the house, looked in the shed, everything. Where the hell did you go?"
"New York City."
"... Okay, let me rephrase my questioning. how the hell did you get anywhere so fast, and why New York of all places?"
"There is something there that I want."
"Your ass kicked?"
His eyes narrowed. "It has nothing to do with the Avengers. And all we do, as of now, is gather information. No fighting involved."
"Who's 'we'?" Beth feels a tinge of jealousy. She thought she was Loki's only friend, like he was hers.
"I have already told you more than I should have." He motioned a hand towards the door in dismissal. "Good night."
But she stayed put. "Hey, I told you all of my secrets! Besides, I have the right to know if I should expect hooded figures to come knocking on my window or something."
Loki suddenly paled. "H-How did you know?"
"Know what?"
"About the 'hooded figures'."
"... I didn't. That's just some cliche secret cult shit..." Beth finally understands his reaction, and scoots away from him like he just spawned an extra head. "There are actual hooded figures involved?
Loki let out a very long sigh. "They are a group of young and very stupid witches who think they worship an ancient god. One whom is not me, by the way. Some incarnation of 'Lucifer'. They think he can 'arm them' against the biblical Judgment Day. They are a front. They are who my targets will think they are up against."
"Loki... wow. This is low, even for you or me. You tricked some bored-ass posers who think they're 'witches' into believing you're the devil so they can help you find something? Most witches don't even believe in Satan. Please tell me you're hanging out with them for free drugs."
"They are not doing it out of boredom. These particular individuals believe that this apocalyptic event will occur, and are wholeheartedly devoted to averting it. They are surprisingly proficient in very old dark arts. Ones that humans shouldn't know about. With my tutoring, they may pose a challenge to those who guard the object I desire. I simply need them to clear a path for me."
Beth wasn't jealous anymore. She felt bad for Loki and everyone else involved. No matter what he says, to her, these people sound like dweebs. "Funny; so many words are coming out of your mouth, but you aren't saying anything. Are you going to tell me what you're after and what you plan to do with it?"
"I'll tell you that you are safer not knowing that it exists, and that what I plan to do with it will undo all the damage I have caused over these past few years."
You can't bring the dead back to life. But she didn't think he meant it literally, anyway. "Loki, you don't need to do anything extreme to make amends. There are causes you can make substantial donations to, that help people who were affected by your attack."
"Duly noted. But what I'll be giving back is far more valuable than money."
In Beth's mind, only two things were clearly more valuable than money: people and freedom. How can he give either 'back' without resurrecting the dead or taking over the world?
"Yeah, you're about to do something a comic book villain would do."
"Don't worry," he assures her, "you will be cold in the ground by the time this plan comes to fruition."
Wonderful. "Well, I hope whoever you're messing with is very weak, because you and an entire army got defeated by six people. And you were prepared."
Loki was impressed. Not many people can insult him three times in 25 words or less.
"And you still haven't told me how you disappeared so quickly," she reminded him. "You once told me you can't teleport on your own."
"That is another mystery you would be safer to never solve."
She yawned loudly in response to that. "Alrighty. This stupid and incapable little human is too tired for riddles right now." She got up and headed towards the door.
"You know I find you none of that. I just don't want it to be my fault if you get hurt."
"Whatever. I'll leave you to your 12th century porn and shitty life choices now."
She left, and Loki waited until he heard her bedroom door close before getting up and locking his. Sighing, he walked over to his bed and pulled the blanket back, revealing a thick metal pendant, shaped as the universal symbol of 'Infinity'.
Set within one of its loops was a glowing blue stone.
He picked it up, reading the unearthly symbols engraved in the metal. The stone thrummed against his skin, and Loki felt tempted to caress it just for the tactile pleasure, but knew better. Instead he eyed the empty loop, imagining what belonged there.
Beth thought of two things when Loki said he would be repaying something far more valuable than money. Loki was thinking of only one thing: Time.