A/N: Just another reminder that this chapter begins right after the end of 'What's in a name'. If you haven't read it yet, you will be def confused by the start of this one.
I hope you enjoy Jily finally happening, I know I did! :)
Chapter 4: Begging for you to take my hand
- 'Yeah, that's the one' - James let out a deep laugh. - Merlin, Evans, that was priceless. Selwyn's face!
- Well, what else could I've said? We can't pretend that's not exactly how we handle student complaints – Lily replied, slightly ashamed of how she had snapped at the end of the Heads' meeting. Lily hated handling complaint forms and James wasn't particularly inclined to spend any of his time dealing with the grievances of his peers, so they would end up just leaving it up to the tidal waves – they'd deal with it whenever and however they felt like at the time. Not quite Head students proper, if Lily was being honest.
- Yes, I'm well aware. But I thought you'd just bullshit her, make something up, you know, and not deadpan like that! And then you just told them to fuck off and stop bothering you. - He laughed out loud again. - Brilliant!
Lily smiled but didn't say anything. She focused on the way her feet were taking her down the corridor of the fifth floor. It was past curfew, since their meeting took longer than expected due to Burgess and Selwyn's bickering. Lily couldn't have cared less.
She had a date with James Potter.
She almost couldn't believe the turn of the events that night. She had long accepted that she fancied him and that her feelings weren't going away. The week before, during their first N.E.W.T's Transfiguration prep class, she finally admitted that she needed to do something about it. But she could've never predicted that this was how it would go down.
She was going out with James Potter in four days, sneaking out of the castle to go to Hogsmeade. Not even in her wildest dreams did she imagine this would happen.
And she was so happy that it did that she felt like jumping up and down the corridor, celebrating the feat. Meanwhile, James was walking next to her as cool as a cucumber, joking about their meeting, and looking very much like nothing had changed between them.
Lily briefly felt a prickle of insecurity crawl into her belly – what if he wasn't as excited about their date as she was? After all, she was the one to ask him out. Just like Cassandra had foreseen, he hadn't rejected her. Which made sense. He was very clear about his attraction for her. It would be very unlikely for him to change his mind now when she was so forthcoming.
But for Lily it was more than an attraction. It was much more now than a simple fancy. She liked him deeply. Just looking at him made her heart flutter.
Could he even remotely feel the same?
- That's what I like about you, you know – James said out of the blue, pulling Lily out of her reverie. He smiled gently at her. - Well, one of the many things I like about you.
- What?
- How completely no-nonsense you are. You tell it how you see it. But you're never rude. Even tonight. Your tone was pleasant the whole time. You managed to tell Burgess and Selwyn off without sounding one bit disagreeable. - He paused. - Actually, I don't think you could ever sound anything but delightful.
Lily blushed.
- Thank you – she croaked out, feeling her insides swivel. It was like he had heard her anxious thoughts.
- And very adorable when you blush – he added, looking at her sideways, hands in his pockets, crooked smile on his face.
She blushed harder.
He laughed once more.
- Sorry, Evans, didn't mean to put you in a spot again. I should learn how to hold my tongue when I'm around you. But it's hard, you know.
- It is?
- Yeah – he shrugged. - Most times I'm next to you I can't seem to think straight.
There was no way that Lily could get any redder. She felt her entire body react, butterflies flapping wildly in her stomach, her heart beating maniacally against her ribs. She tried to calm herself down, willing her skin to go back to its normal colour and her insides to stop twisting. She racked her brain in search of something to say, anything. Maybe compliment him back. Maybe just change subjects. She couldn't find anything. She doubted her mouth would've complied even if she had.
The effect James Potter had on her was starting to become ridiculous.
They walked in silence, going up the staircases to the Gryffindor Tower. They hesitated when they reached the entrance of the Common Room. Lily forced herself to look at James, even though she knew it was a bad idea. His hazel eyes flickered against the weak glint of the corridor's candlelight and she felt her lips tingle in anticipation. She never wanted to kiss anybody as much as she wanted to kiss him right then.
He winked at her before he gave the password to the Fat Lady. Disappointment swimming in her core, she followed him.
They stopped again in front of the pathway that led to the stairs of the boys' and girls' dormitories. James turned to look at her and Lily's skin gleamed again.
- Sorry if I'm coming on too strong, Evans. Unfortunately, it's almost standard for me to act like a prat around you – he said, almost shyly. And then he raised his hand and buried under the hair on his neck.
Lily felt a sudden rush of unruly feelings take control of her. Any doubts or insecurity she could've had were quashed by his sincere words. He was so genuine, so unafraid of saying what he was thinking and what scared him – she could do the same, because she wasn't going to back down now.
She stretched her hand and laced her fingers with his.
It was the first time they ever held hands. Not even during the incident on the windowsill did their hands touch. In that moment, she thought she never wanted to let go.
- You're not coming on too strong. I'm sorry I'm not saying much. And blushing all the time. - She chuckled. - You have this effect on me.
His lips quirked but he didn't quite smile. His eyes were fixed on hers, like he needed to pay a lot of attention right now.
Good, because she wasn't done.
- I fancy you something awful, James.
His lips parted, a huff of breath coming out sharply. She lost her focus for a beat, staring down at them, the urge to kiss him back in full force.
Get a grip, Lily.
- I'm just really happy we're going out together – she managed to push the words out, wrenching her gaze away from his mouth.
- Me too, Lily – he replied, voice thick and low. A shudder ran through Lily's body at the sound and she silently prayed he would put an end to her misery and snog the shit out of her already.
He didn't.
He squeezed her hand softly, instead.
- I'm going to sleep now. If I go to sleep early every day, maybe Friday will come around faster. - He smiled sweetly, letting go of her hand. - Goodnight, Lily.
- Goodnight, James.
Lily woke up the next day in complete alert mode. She wasted no time to jump out of her bed, making her way towards the bathroom to get ready for the day. All three pairs of eyes in the dormitory followed her quizzically. She didn't notice.
She showered quickly, washing her hair thoroughly with the new vanilla shampoo she'd just owl-purchased from Madame Maud's Beauty Parlour the week before. She took her time drying her hair and charming it to fall down in well-defined curls. She applied some light make-up, hesitating on the right amount before deciding for a neutral lipstick but dark mascara that highlighted her green eyes. She put on her school uniform next, staring at her reflection. Maybe she could pop an extra button of her shirt open. That wouldn't be that shocking for a Head Girl. It was barely noticeable, anyway.
She checked herself in the mirror one last time, satisfied with the result, and finally exited the bathroom.
Cassandra, Elizabeth and Marlene stared at her like she'd gone mental.
- What in Merlin's tits is happening?
- Nothing, Marls. I just woke up feeling like getting myself dolled up – Lily replied, knowing full well she wasn't going to escape her friends' notice. She needed to acknowledge that she was acting different this morning. But she in no way planned to tell anyone about her date with James before it happened.
Well, maybe only Cassandra.
But now all she wanted was to rush downstairs so she could be early for breakfast for the first time in her life. And maybe bump into some other early birds on her way.
- What time is it? - she asked, casually.
- Uh – Elizabeth fetched her golden watch – six fifty-eight.
Shit. It was later than she expected. James always had breakfast as soon as it started. She tried to play it cool while she hurriedly grabbed her school robes and bag, calling after her friends.
- We should go down, then. I'm starving.
Cassandra's brows were almost disappearing behind her dark locks. Lily widened her eyes, barely imperceptibly, but hopefully enough for Cassandra to understand that she needed to follow Lily. Right now.
She did.
- Yeah, me too. I'm coming with you. See you in the Great Hall? - she threw at the other two girls, already halfway past the door.
Lily grabbed her friend's hand and dragged her through the stairs and across the Common Room. She only let it go when they crossed the portrait hole, hastily navigating the corridors down the castle.
- You can start talking now.
Lily looked around her, checking for other students. When she confirmed there was no one there, she turned to her friend, feet still efficiently bringing her forward.
- We're going out on a date.
Cassandra's brows disappeared again.
- A date? Who, you and -
- Me and James. Yeah.
- 'James'?
Lily grinned.
- Yes, James. Ah, Cassie, you should've seen me last night. You'd have been so proud. - She couldn't deny that Cassandra had been crucial to her decision to come forward about her feelings for James, forcing her to put herself out there regardless of the consequences. And now the consequences were better than Lily had ever dreamed, so she couldn't wait to share it in details with her best friend.
- What did you do?
- I did what you told me to. Told him how I felt. And asked him out.
Cassandra's jaw dropped.
- You're taking the mickey. No, wait, you asked him out? Out of nowhere?
- Well, no. - Lily stopped talking as they passed by a couple of third-year Hufflepuffs on the staircase to the fourth floor. They weaved through the group, taking the right turn to the next stairs. When they were alone again, Lily continued - I first told him how I felt, obviously. I wasn't gonna drop a 'Say, James, you and me, next Friday, Hogsmeade, you're in?' out of the blue like this, was I?
- What did you say then?
- I told him I couldn't stop thinking about that night on the windowsill. - She felt herself blushing again at the recollection. She could barely believe she found the guts to say it to him. - That I didn't want to pretend nothing happened. And that I wanted to go out with him.
Cassandra let out a whistle.
- Blimey, Lily. Can't believe you really said all of that.
- But I did. - Lily's smile was so wide she worried it would split her face apart. - Aren't you proud of me?
- I sure am, love. What did he say to that?
- Well, he scared the shit out of me first. I told him I was thinking we could have a date on our next Hogsmeade's visit and he shook his head like he disagreed about going out with me. I swear to you my heart stopped beating for, like, thirty seconds.
- Oh, I can easily image your face at that – Cassandra cackled, as usual feeling no remorse for laughing at Lily's afflictions. - But he didn't disagree, I assume.
- He did. But only concerning the date. He didn't want to wait that long. - Lily's grin was definitely going to part her face in two now. - So we're going out this Friday.
- Wait. Don't you have Slug Club on Friday?
Lily shrugged. She knew Professor Slughorn wouldn't be very happy with her absence but there wasn't much Lily could do about it now. Or wanted to do, for that matter. Having dinner with James trumped having dinner with the Pureblood snobs any second of any day.
They were about to reach the second floor. Lily swirled her head to check the thick metal clock hanging on the south wall.
7:14.
They needed to hurry. She doubted James would still be sitting at the Gryffindor table past seven-thirty. Lily took her friend's hand in hers again and sprinted the last two sets of stairs to the ground floor. Cassandra laughed merrily as they hasted through students, ghosts, portraits. She'd never seen Lily act like this before.
- Ah, how the tables have turned. Not two weeks ago there was a very self-assured speech being preached in these very halls. Do you remember what the speech was, Lilybeans?
Lily pointedly ignored her friend, taking the final steps to the doors of the Great Hall.
Cassandra pulled her to a halt by the hands they still had intertwined.
- You said you weren't emotionally available this year. That the last thing you needed was to get involved with someone.
- I know what I said - Lily huffed, impatient. - Yes, the tables have turned, I've bitten my tongue, I'm a dumb witch. Happy? Now, let's just get a fucking move on!
The two girls entered the hall at last, heads already turned to the Gryffindor table. Green eyes did a quick scan along the table, searching for hazel. They didn't find it.
They did find light blue, almost grey.
- Ooh, is that a miraculous sight I'm having? - crooned Black, grinning at their approach. - Evans and Thompson joining us mere mortals before eight o'clock? I must be going blind! Moony, am I going blind?
- You're not, Pads – Remus replied, good-humouredly. - Good morning, Lily. Cassie.
- Good morning, dear Remus. How are you on this fine day?
- Excellent. Just had poached eggs with Spanish ham, it was a treat. How about you, Cassie darling?
- Oh, it sounds amazing, I'll have some myself. I'm good too, enjoying being up and about at a reasonable hour. What a lovely morning it is!
- Oh, yes, that has its advantages indeed. I'm thrilled to see you are enjoying it.
Green and grey eyes rolled at the same time. Remus and Cassandra often made a point of being overly courteous with each other, making small useless chitchat, just to annoy everyone around. They found it hilarious for some reason.
Lily had no time for their shenanigans that day. She needed to find out where James was. But she also needed to be casual about it. She couldn't just ask for his whereabouts when she'd never done so before. Especially not on the day she mysteriously decided to wake up early and get all primp.
- You look nice today, Evans – Black said quietly, voice lacking its usual monotone. She looked at him. He had arranged his face to one of polite friendliness. Lily snorted.
- Are you back to complimenting, Black? I thought you said this was a censorship and you were done with it all.
He laughed jovially.
- Well, I've been told I'm allowed to, as long as I use the right proper words. Like in a manual, you know.
- A manual?
- Yeah, on how not to be a twat when interacting with Evans.
Lily dipped her chin with a chuckle, reaching for the jug of pumpkin juice in front of her. Across her, Remus and Cassandra still spoke to each other as if they were part of the British royal court in the 18th century, Pettigrew accompanying the exchange with a bored countenance.
Lily tipped her juice glass in Black's direction.
- This manual sounds like a good idea. It will most certainly save you from being bathed in pumpkin again.
- Yes. And, also, hopefully preventing any future Prongs' scolding. Those are terrible.
He said it with humour but Lily immediately lost her mirth. She had been right, then, to think James had gone after Black for his rude remarks. She knew it. Of course that he would try to reel his best mate in for her sake.
With a pang in her heart, she felt her affection for James renewed. She really wanted to see him. Where could he be?
Think, Lily.
Today was Tuesday. A little past seven o'clock. They had Potions and Charms together that morning, but the first class wouldn't start for another hour. Maybe he went for a fly. He didn't have Quidditch practice that day, so he would probably fancy some time in the air. He always said it cleared his head before the start of a day. Maybe she could intercept him, then. Go to the pitch, wait for him in the bleachers. Or was it too much? On a second thought, she should just wait to see him in Potions. That'd be the normal thing to do.
But she didn't want to wait that long.
Ugh, this is fucking annoying, Lily angrily mused.
- I'm sure he'd be proud of me – Black was saying. He had said something before, but Lily hadn't been listening. She heard him now, and craned her neck back to him, lifting an eyebrow as to ask him what he meant. - James – he repeated.
- Oh?
- Yeah, if he saw how far I've come from 'bloody fit' to 'look nice'. - Black smiled widely at that, which confirmed that he didn't need James to be proud of him, he was already doing that by himself. - It's okay, I'll corner him at the library before our lesson, tell him about that in great detail. Maybe I should get a signed statement from you, attesting that it did happen? Hm, that's a good idea, yeah?
Lily wasn't listening again.
The library.
Of course.
James gave Transfiguration tutoring classes to first-years on Tuesday mornings and Thursday afternoons, during their free period.
Her heart swelled once more at the thought of him giving up his early mornings and free time to help young students. At that moment, she couldn't remember why she ever found him to be inconsiderate or selfish. He'd always been there for other people. Lily knew his good nature was one of his best qualities. How come she didn't connect the dots sooner?
Marlene and Elizabeth joined them a few minutes later, closing the circle of seventh-year Gryffindors. Except for James. He was the only one missing from the table. And Lily realized how that made it terribly incomplete.
Lily forced herself to eat her breakfast calmly, engaging in conversation with her friends. Ignoring Cassandra's knowing looks, Lily pretended she was fine. From outside, she was a mask of nonchalance. She stood up with the rest of them when it was time to go, and followed her friends through the corridors, chatting idly with Remus and Marlene on their way to Potions. When they reached the door of the classroom, her calm façade was not enough and she had to stuff her hands on her pockets so no one would see them shaking. Trying to get a hold of her anxious gaze, she stepped in and found the hazel she had been looking for.
James sat atop of a desk on the third row, engrossed in conversation with Hufflepuff captain Rebecca Edwards. He was mid-laugh when the Gryffindors walked in, greeting Black back when his best mate called his name. He exchanged brief words with him before his eyes found Lily.
She wanted to act casual. To keep pretending everything was fine. That her world hadn't turned on its axis. But just then, the way he looked at her made it an impossible mission.
His eyes widened slightly at the sight of her, lingering in her curls and all the way down to her cleavage, where a little bit more of skin than usual was showing. The next second, his gaze snapped back up, while he swallowed hard. His sweet eyes were full of something Lily had never seen before. He had never looked at her like that.
She willed her feet to move forward, smiling tentatively at him. He buried both of his hands on his hair, standing up from the desk. When she got close, he took a step to the side to let her pass by him, towards the first row where she normally sat. But before she did so, he cleared his throat.
- Good morning, Lily.
- Good morning, James.
She could feel her cheeks flushing uncontrollably, but she was so happy to see him that she didn't mind. She absently thought how silly it was to want to keep it a secret. Deep down, she knew it was safer to keep it that way, take it easy and not bring everyone in just yet on what was happening between them. At the same time, she didn't give a rat's arse about anyone else.
Which was a good thing, because everyone noticed their unusual exchange. From James' left, Black and Remus stared at them with identical puzzled looks, while Marlene flapped -
- Why are you two acting so fucking weird?
- And since when it's 'James' and 'Lily'? - added Pettigrew, jolly.
Lily blushed even more, but managed to shrug and move along to her seat.
- We're friends now. Co-Heads and all. There's no need for surnames anymore. And we're not weird, you lot that are too bloody nosy. – She winked at them with faux glee, sitting in front of her cauldron, gathering her class material without a look back.
She wasn't going to keep it a secret, but there wasn't a chance in hell that she was going to let their friends dictate their pace.
Cassandra took her place next to Lily soon after, when Professor Slughorn entered the classroom and requested everyone to take their seat. He twisted his wand to fill the blackboard in front of the class with notes about the magical properties of the Elixir to Induce Melancholia.
- You should learn how to be more discreet, you know – commented Cassandra, tone fitting to discuss the weather. Lily stared straight forward, writing down the instructions of the board. - It was very obvious that you two want to jump each other's bones.
Lily made a disgruntled noise on the back of her throat, but didn't reply.
- Well, at least now we're sure he didn't tell anyone. Not even Black.
Lily hadn't thought of that. If she took Black's confused reaction just before the class started and his pleasant behaviour during breakfast as guidance, she would arrive at the conclusion that he indeed was in the dark regarding James and her.
That was unexpected. Lily had suspected James wouldn't have told him about the windowsill mishap, but what about everything that came after? What about last night, when they decided to go on a date together? Didn't he feel the need to tell his best mate about this development? Lily barely suppressed the urge to drag Cassandra out of their dorm when she had returned from their meeting, away from the other two girls, so she could tell her all about what happened. And this morning, Lily actually did that. Made her friend flee their room, running around the castle after her, while Lily gushed out the events of the night before.
But James apparently felt differently about it.
The prickle of insecurity found its way back to Lily's stomach. She took a deep breath, trying to ignore it. It was difficult. Lily wasn't used to feel insecure. Hell, she wasn't used to blush the whole time as she had started to do lately. She wasn't the type of person to get embarrassed often. Even with her pale skin, which evidenced any and every single one of her emotions to whomever looked at her, Lily wasn't one to be easily rattled. She was confident about herself and accustomed to handle pressure.
Dealing with a new-brand wonderful James Potter was not on the list of things Lily knew how to do well.
Biting her lips in an effort to keep her face under control, she risked a peek over her shoulder to the place she knew James would be sitting. He was already looking at her.
He didn't smile, though. He only stared, making her even more nervous.
- It doesn't mean anything.
She turned her head back, surprised, at her friend.
- That he didn't tell Black. Or that he's acting strange. You know that, right?
Lily just shrugged.
- You have to be careful now, love. He's not Eddie.
Lily felt a jolt cursing through her body at these words. Cassandra really knew how to step on the right toes.
- I obviously know that – Lily hissed, trying to keep her voice down. She noticed Professor Slughorn glancing at her, a bit disconcerted with her lack of attention to what he was explaining. She needed to shut up right now.
- So better not forget it. It's not going to be the same. You're in for a rollercoaster.
Lily wanted to bite her friend's head off, but she only hummed, busying herself with the annotations of the elixir, smiling apologetic to the professor. He smiled back, appeased, and carried on with the lesson.
They had their first N.E.W.T's Defence Against the Dark Arts preparatory class that afternoon, after the last period of the day. It was taking place in the North Tower, in the large practice chamber next to the Divination classroom. Professor Atkinson was waiting by the door when they arrived, welcoming the seventh-years in. Another wizard waited for them inside, dark long face adorned by creased brows. Lily guessed he was their instructor for the training, similar to what they had during the Transfiguration preparation. Just like the aurors helping them last Friday, the wizard looked like he wished to be anywhere but there.
Lily made her way to the side of the chamber, followed by the girls and the Marauders, James annoyingly away by too many bodies. He smiled slightly as they stopped walking, turning to the centre of the room, where Professor Atkinson eagerly loomed.
- Welcome, welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see you all gathered here! How are you all today?
No replies.
- Oh, are you having a case of tied tongues? - He chuckled at his comment. - That's alright, that's alright. It wouldn't surprise me to find that you are feeling a bit nervous with your first training session. Is that what this is about, huh?
Silence again.
- I see, I see. This is very normal, I'll let you know. But I assure you there's no need for nervousness. I'm here to guide you through all the steps. It sounds good, doesn't it? What do you say we start this together?
Lily couldn't take another awkward silence, the professor's pleading eyes as he in vain waited for someone to cut him some slack.
- Yes, Professor, that sounds good. Would you tell us first, then, what should we expect from today?
- Oh, yes, yes, yes. Miss Evans, our own Head Girl. Very good, of course, that should be a good beginning for our lesson today, shouldn't it? Yes, yes.
Her friends threw her an amused look. Lily avoided James' eyes. She needed to focus now.
Professor Atkinson hurried to introduce the man at the far end of the room, Armand Abbott, lead investigator of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement of the Ministry of Magic. The investigator would be accompanying the N.E.W.T's preparation every first Tuesday of the month, guiding them through their duelling sessions.
- So does that mean these trainings will be mainly practical? - asked Remus.
- Not completely, Mr. Lupin, not completely. No. That's not the intention, if we are being honest, is it? No, most certainly not.
Lily suppressed a sigh. Couldn't he just get to the point a bit quicker?
- No, no, my dear student. The goal of this training is to be both theoretical and practical. Because, of course, as you are all well aware, your N.E.W.T's will have both components, will it not? Therefore, most certainly, that's what we will be seeing in here. Yes, most certainly.
They began with an overview of what they had learned so far in the new school year. Professor Atkinson brought his copies of the Advanced Defence Against the Dark Arts and Defensive Magical Theory as he explained what they were supposed to do that day. They were to start with a review of mildly aggressive spells and their dispelling curses. Professor Atkinson divided them into groups of four to that end.
- No, no, no, let's be a bit less predictable, shall we? You, over there, come to this side. You three, yes, you, down here, by the pillar. No, the other way around. Exactly, yes, that's much better. - The professor mixed the students, blending houses and genders, making a face when he saw the Marauders immediately sticking with each other. He separated them and put Pettigrew together with Lily, Nuur and Gaunt.
Lily and her group walked across the chamber, landing in front of the window that faced to the Quidditch pitch. Sitting around the only available desk, too crowded for the four of them, they set to work.
It was very boring. Lily was more than familiarly acquainted with the theory of defence spells, having spent the whole summer buried under advanced books of the subject. She knew it wasn't the same for everyone, evident by Nuur's cute frown as she tried to match each curse with its defensive counterpart, Pettigrew's restless gaze, giving the wrong answer to half of the questions, and Gaunt's clear unwillingness to let Lily help her yet still struggling to get it right.
She finished her own part in short minutes and began to guide Nuur through the correct combination of spells. She felt James' eyes on her over and over again. She tried to avoid staring back, focusing on helping the girl in front of her, but once more, it was an impossible mission. She just felt too much when he looked at her like that.
It wasn't predatory. It wasn't lustful. It wasn't assuming.
She didn't know what it was. It was almost neutral, like he was just paying attention to what she was doing, without much meaning behind it.
Or maybe she just couldn't read him very well. More than once he mentioned what a good actor he was, pretending to be cool or in control when he actually wasn't. And she had noticed how he could surf difficult situations with the most guarded restraint. She would often find his hazel eyes indecipherable.
She remembered Cassandra's warning. A rollercoaster.
That was not the moment to be pondering that. Lily shoved those thoughts back down, and carried on with their assignment and the next two the professor appointed them. A couple of hours later, all groups done, fifteen minutes of pause under their belt, Professor Atkinson brought them back to the circle in the centre of the room.
- We will put now the theory of what you have just mastered, my dear students, into practice. It sounds good, doesn't it? Yes, most certainly. That is the goal, as I have said. Yes, we will be doing that now. You will be forming pairs, instead of groups of four, and you will use the mild spells disposed in the first two chapters of the manual – he held the Advanced Defence Against the Dark Arts high, pointing it at the students – and their counter-curses. Let's make some space, shall we?
With a quick brush of his wand, the small desks around the chamber disappeared, making space for their duels. Investigator Abbott, who so far hadn't moved an inch from his position at the end of the room, stepped forward finally.
- Mr. Abbott and I will be making rounds to assist you if needed. That's, of course, our job here, isn't it, Abbott? - No reaction. - Yes, yes, let's start then. Good luck to you, I shall say, good luck.
Lily quickly trailed back to the other side of the circle, trying to discreetly get away from her group. Not that she didn't enjoy their company. Nuur was a sweetheart and Pettigrew was always very nice with Lily. Even Helena Gaunt, the Slytherin prefect, was not that bad – on the contrary, she was by far the friendliest student of her house and year. But, despite their lovely personalities, they weren't very good at the class. Especially when it came to duelling. And Lily wanted to make the best out of the training.
She reached the Gryffindors, Marlene already paired off with Black, a dangerous glint in her eyes that told Lily she was ready to hex him for every grievance he ever gave Elizabeth, whom was already on her way to team up with Cassandra. Lily locked eyes with James but before she could say anything, Pettigrew shouted behind her -
- Oi, Prongs, shall we?
Lily hadn't even noticed Pettigrew had followed her in her exit. But now he was joining James' side, grinning at the perspective of duelling with his mate. To the left, Remus made a movement to catch Lily's attention, indicating a free space in the corner of the room where they could practice their curses and counter-curses together. Lily smiled at him, moving in his direction. Pairing with Remus was as good as with any other talented student of their year. He would definitely give her a run for her money.
Their group was dispersing, relocating for the next round of the training. Lily had paused to let Cassie and Lizzie cross in front of her to the other side when she felt someone briefly stand behind her, a gentle hand resting on her lower back.
- You smell amazing – James whispered in her ear, before he went ahead and joined Pettigrew on the other corner of the room.
Sweet Circe.
He was going to be the death of her.
Three days never passed slower. Lily woke up early the whole week, getting dressed quicker than the first time, rushing to get to the Gryffindor table before seven o'clock. She missed him again the next day, but on the next he was there when she came down from the dorm with a begrudging Cassandra on her trail. Cassandra was also a big fan of sleeping late, but she was proving herself as the good friend she was by accompanying Lily in her ridiculously early excursions.
Her heart leaped when she saw him sitting at the table, peacefully reading the Daily Prophet. They hadn't had much contact the past couple of days, to her chagrin. They were always busy in class, staying seats away from each other, their friends fumbling around them the whole time. Their Head duties would only bring them together again the next Sunday, having Lily patrolling with Rosier that night and James with Nuur on Saturday. They would naturally get together for their date, but Lily was anxiously counting the hours. Any extra time with him was worthwhile.
And this came through stolen glances in corridors and exchanged words during meals. The night before, all seventh-year Gryffindors sat around the fireplace in the Common Room, spread along the floor, sofa and armchairs to finish their Potions, and, in Lily's case, the Charms essay that was assigned the day before. She lounged in her usual place, on the right side of the sofa, Cassandra covering the rest of it with her long legs. James sat by the armchair across the room, parchment in hands and quill safely kept behind one ear. He had a smudge of ink on his chin and she couldn't stop looking at him. She hadn't managed to write two inches on the advantages of casting entrancing enchantments nonverbally, when Elizabeth cracked up, pointing at James.
- You have ink on your face, James! That's why Lily won't stop looking at you.
Lily blessed the gods that it was dark enough that no one noticed her red face. Cassandra chortled from her horizontal position, rolling her eyes at Lily.
Now she just pulled her lips over her teeth, as she did when she wanted Lily to know she was at her wit's end, and moved along to sit on the other side of Remus at the breakfast table. Lily chose the seat in front of James, her face composed and her stomach in a tizzy.
He lifted his eyes from the newspaper, sweet smile already in place. Too soon, Black started blabbering, stealing his attention, and Marlene and Elizabeth arrived with Pettigrew, and Lily's chance to talk to James was gone. She had to content herself with only looking at him under eyelashes, listening to his pleasant laugh as she silently ate her toast.
Lily was done with the distance. She needed to talk with James when no one was around. She needed to look at him without worrying she would get caught. And most of all, she needed to touch him. Friday night couldn't come soon enough.
When it finally did, it found Lily locked with Cassandra in the bathroom of their dorm, during dinnertime. Lily wanted to get ready while everyone was busy elsewhere and wouldn't notice her leaving. She had chosen a khaki crochet dress that, according to Cassandra, highlighted her eyes. It had long sleeves, going down to her mid-thighs, perfect for the November weather, and being comfortable enough for a walk in Hogsmeade whilst also nicely hugging her curves. Cassandra helped her with the make-up and putting her hair in an up-do. Lily was so nervous she didn't know what to do with her hands.
- Jesus, Lily, what's going on with you? I've never seen you acting like this. He's just a bloke.
Lily knew that. She didn't understand her own feelings either. As she was prone to do at least three times a day for the past weeks, she willed herself to calm down, breathing in and out deeply, forcing her logical side to overcome her emotional.
She went down to the Common Room a few minutes before eight o'clock. James was already waiting for her, resting against the back of a loveseat. He was wearing a dark pair of slacks with a maroon jumper. He looked so good Lily wanted to cry.
She focused her gaze on his, though, forcing herself to act cool, throwing a collected smile at him. He smiled back, looking her up and down.
- Alright, Evans?
- Alright. You?
- Better now. You look beautiful.
Breathe in, breathe out.
- Thank you, you too – Lily replied, simply, as if her insides weren't almost outsides now.
- Shall we go? Better to avoid the rest of the Tower.
They walked side by side through the empty corridors of the castle. Lily could faintly hear the sounds of students coming back from the Great Hall, now that dinner was over. Luckily, they didn't run into anyone they knew, only a couple of younger students too excited about the weekend to pay attention to the Head Boy and Girl. James led her to the fourth floor, stopping in front of a large mirror next to Professor Binn's office.
Lily looked curiously at him. This was one of the many things she'd always wondered about the Marauders - how they managed to sneak out and back into the castle without ever being discovered. She guessed she was about to find out. A tickle of excitement overcame her, making her forget how nervous she was for the first time in the night.
- Am I about to finally find out how the incredible Marauders manage their mischiefs?
James laughed, light-heartedly.
- Part of it, yes.
He turned to the mirror, tapping his wand three times onto the frame, murmuring something under his breath that Lily didn't catch. The next second, the mirror opened with a pop, revealing a massive passageway that led to a pitch-dark trail.
- After you – James said, gesturing Lily to go ahead.
They walked along the path, weakly illuminated by James' wand, for about ten minutes. Lily's tension had more than enough time to settle right back onto her shoulders, as she could only hear the sounds of their footsteps and the thump-thump of her shaky heart.
They finally seemed to be reaching the end of the pathway, when they had to slightly climb an inclined track. James offered his hand to guide Lily through the next steps, which she gladly accepted, as he explained -
- This passage leads straight to the alley behind Dogweed and Deathcap. From there, it's a short distance to The Willow. Have you ever been there?
- Oh! No, I haven't but I heard it's a great place.
- Yes, I hope so. - James smiled, pulling Lily the last feet before they came up in front of a stunted arch made of red tiles. They lowered their heads to get through it, emerging on a narrow alley, in complete darkness. James took the lead, hand still held fast to Lily's, crossing the cobblestones of the backstreet until they reached the Herbology shop. He turned left, bringing Lily with him, and walked less than a minute before they found the magical sign, floating above their heads, reading "The Willow" in a golden thread.
- We're here – he said, dropping her hand. She missed his warmth instantly.
They entered the restaurant, stopping briefly so James could give the name under which he'd made his reservation to the witch standing at the entrance. When did he even have time to make a reservation?, Lily thought absently before a waiter guided them to their table. It was in the most reserved corner of the restaurant, next to the window facing the charming little cottages of the village. It was lit by candlelight that levitated on top of table, with perfumed roses decorating it.
It was so very romantic. Lily had never been on a date like this before.
She had gone on her fair share of dates. Naturally with Eddie, during their four-months long relationship, but also before that, when she used to look forward to every Hogsmeade weekend and the endless possibilities of invitations from the boys around the castle. She'd been to Madame Puddifoot's more times she'd like to admit, but also to the Three Broomsticks and to the Charmed Maple. It was all very fun, even when the date was a disaster. She enjoyed the anticipation of getting ready to meet someone new, sitting on a busy shop, ordering drinks and snacks, trying to get a measure of the boy sitting across of her. And, of course, the aftermath was always fun. Gathering with her best mates to relay every single detail of the date was the best part.
That, right there, was nothing like it.
The boy sitting across of her was so handsome that looking at him made her head hurt. She wasn't sure when did she go from finding James moderately good-looking, like dozens of other blokes in Hogwarts, to thinking there wasn't one that compared to him. To his sharp jaw and wild, black hair. His hazel eyes adorned by thick frames that only made his strong face look more charming. And his smile, that walked the perfect balanced line between mischievous and sweet.
And he wasn't someone new. Someone of which she needed to get a measure. Because she knew him already - and, at the same time, she didn't. She felt like she knew who he was fundamentally, yet there was so much of him unknown to her that she wasn't even sure where to start.
- What are you thinking about?
James' voice brought Lily back to reality, which she had unconsciously escaped.
- Eh... nothing important. - She cleared her throat, uncomfortable.
- Come on, Evans. I'm curious now. You seemed to be in quite of a headspace.
She looked at him, pondering if she should say it. She wanted to have a good time with him but she also wanted to talk to him, seriously. Meaningfully.
She waved to the waiter, a few feet to her left. She asked James what he would like to drink and eat, before she instructed the employee. James looked amused as he ordered, but didn't say anything. Lily waited until the wizard was gone and braced herself for what could possibly come after she said what she intended to.
- I was thinking how this is so very different from any date I've been on.
- Oh?
- Yeah. Normally I don't know the bloke at all or, in Edgar's case, I know him rather a lot.
James' brows furrowed slightly at the mention of Eddie, but he remained silent.
- With you, it's neither one nor the other.
- How so?
- Well, of course I know you, James – she chuckled, trying to keep the mood light. - We've been housemates for over six years.
- But?
- But... also, of course I don't know you.
- You don't?
- Do I?
He didn't reply, brows now the whole way furrowed.
- Can you honestly say that I know you, James? With all the secrets you keep?
His throat bobbed up and down and he looked away. He seemed caught off guard, his posture immediately tense. Lily bit the inside of her cheeks, already regretting the decision to tell him what was on her mind. She really just wanted to enjoy his company. She had spent the whole week buzzing with expectation for the moment she would finally have him all to herself, and now she had botchered it.
But just then he looked back at her, liquid warm eyes, and Lily's pulse raced desperately.
- I know it must be infuriating to you. That I never seem to be fully honest. But I can swear to you that it's for a good reason. It's not like I'm just trying to be difficult on purpose, or that I enjoy being mysterious or whatever. - He leaned over, grabbing Lily's hands. - I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think you could try to, eh, I don't know, trust me on this?
Lily couldn't find her voice. He took it as sign of hesitation.
- I know I never gave you reason to trust me before. I know I've never been really good to you, Lily, but I promise I'm trying now. I just need you to give me one last chance.
Lily's voice was still nowhere to be found. She imagined her heart was right there, between the hands they had laced together.
She nodded.
She wished she could say something. Anything to appease him. She knew why he had to keep the secrets he kept. She knew it wasn't to be difficult or to pretend to be mysterious. That he thought that she might think that saddened her. Especially because she had thought that and not that long ago. But she knew better now. She knew him better now, even though she still didn't know everything.
They had time. She would learn eventually.
Now she just wanted to unfurrow his brows and make him smile again.
She cleared her throat, swallowing twice until she found her voice.
- I trust you, James. You don't have to worry about that. - She squeezed his hand, sensing him relax. Thank Merlin. - I just can't believe you ordered cranberry pie as a dinner meal. How old are you, twelve?
He laughed and everything in the world was right again.
Their dinner date passed in a flash. Soon after the heavy talk Lily had foolishly brought to the table was done and they were back at teasing and laughing, their meals arrived. Lily had steak with fried beans while James made a show of eating his silly pie. Lily mocked him the entire time, even more when he ordered the same as dessert. She had dark chocolate ice-cream, so delicious she had to physically restrain from asking for a repeat. When they finished their drinks, James paid the check, ignoring Lily's fake attempts to split it ("Like you really think this is even a possibility, Evans, please spare me of your antics"), and they took the way back through the secret passageway into the castle.
They held hands the whole route, giggling like eleven-year-olds who just had their first flying lesson. Lily never felt lighter in her life. She couldn't shake the feeling that this is how one was supposed to spend evenings. Despite regretting initiating the heavy topic when they had just sat down in the restaurant, at least she guessed that it had served to kill any awkwardness that could arise between them. Once the difficult talk was past them, their conversation flowed as easy as it did when they chatted in the Heads' office or in patrols.
It was way past curfew when they arrived back at the entrance of the passage. Before they crossed through the open mirror of the fourth floor, James lagged behind, staying out of view for a few seconds, but then quickly emerged declaring that they could go ahead, because there was no one around to catch them. Ignoring the impulse to curiously ask him how the hell could he possibly know that, Lily just grabbed his hand again, not wanting to miss its warmth while she still had the chance.
They felt silent on their way to the Gryffindor Tower. Their date was almost over. It had been amazing like Lily never thought possible but now it was done.
She wasn't prepared to say goodbye just yet. So when they reached the Fat Lady, she didn't give him a chance to say the password and climb the hole to the Common Room – she grabbed his jumper forcibly by the front and crashed her mouth against his.
She didn't know if he was expecting her to do that but he acted immediately as soon as their lips met. While her hands circled his neck, his grabbed her waist to pull them closer together as he engulfed her in his kiss. He turned their bodies around to press her against the wall next to the portrait, hands now lowering to her sides, as he lightly touched the skin under the hem of her dress.
Lily's head swam. She had spent the whole week, even longer if she was being honest, dreaming about kissing him. Their only kiss had been when he shut her up on the full moon after she provoked him. He had barely taken his time with her mouth then, when his own mouth travelled south to give her more pleasure she had ever experienced before. Afterwards, he'd kissed her sweetly, but she was so gone that she hardly remembered it.
Now he was devouring her, with his demanding tongue and sharp teeth. Without breaking the kiss, James repositioned himself, bringing his hands completely under her dress, guiding her thighs open as he settled in her middle. She whimpered when she felt the bulge in his trousers press against her centre. He freed her mouth at that, one hand coming to lace her neck, helping to keep it in place as he sucked on her throat, wet kisses making her shiver, before he roughly turned her head again to him, reclaiming her lips. The hand on the neck shot back down and in one swift move he grabbed her arse, taking her feet off the ground, and pressed her hard against the wall again.
Lily couldn't help moaning loudly, her whole body aflame as he had his way with her. She wasn't even doing anything, just letting him kiss her, touch her, have her. She didn't have one rational thought left in her head and she didn't mind it one bit. She just needed James to keep devouring her. That's why she felt like she had lost all balance when suddenly he wasn't anymore.
She opened her eyes to find him a few feet away, with his back turned to her, hands buried in his hair. She could see his shoulders moving up and down with the movement of his laborious breathing.
- James?
- Lily, I need... I mean, ugh, we can't, I just, uh – he rambled, voice completely hoarse, still facing the other side of the corridor.
- James, what's wrong? Look at me.
He turned around slowly, face contorted on a grimace. His eyes travelled down Lily's body, where her dress was fully creased and pulled up, indecently flashing her thighs, then back up, to her swollen lips and messy red hair.
James groaned.
- This is unfair, Lily – he managed to say, turning his back again to her. He paced back and forth, taking deep breaths in, while he cursed - This fucking dress.
Lily had recovered her balance enough to smirk.
- You can't handle me, Potter? Am I too much for you?
He swirled his neck sharply back to her, mouth gaping.
- You tease – he said, voice dangerously low.
Lily felt her body burning as if he had touched her again. She bit her lips, cherishing the way his gaze snapped down to it, shoulders tense. God, he was sexy.
- I won't be teasing if you come back over here.
He closed his eyes, sighing.
- I can't, Lily. We... We just -
- We what? Why can't you?
- Because we should take it slow! – he replied abruptly, opening pained eyes. - You remember last time we let ourselves get carried away!
- I do and I remember it was quite... satisfying for me – Lily said with an even bigger smirk. She couldn't understand what the problem was.
James sighed again, closing his eyes one more time as if in a silent prayer, before blinking them open and stuffing his hands on his pockets. Lily noticed he was still feet away.
- Lily, I want to date you. Not casually, not like a hook-up. Really date you. Seriously. - He paused. - Do you want that too?
- I do – she replied, smirk gone.
- Good. So I think we should take it easy. Tonight was amazing, best first date I've ever had. I don't want to ruin that by going too fast or doing something we might regret in the morning.
It was Lily's turn to sigh. She couldn't argue with that logic.
- Alright, James, if you insist.
He grinned widely, as if he had won a war.
- Okay, let's go, then. – He stretched his hand to her and guided her to the portrait, quickly giving the password and walking them through the fortunately empty Common Room.
Lily pouted the entire way.
- Come here – James said with a chuckle, noticing her dismay. He hugged her, burying his face on the crook of her neck and circling her body with his long arms. She relaxed into the hug, enjoying the smell of his cologne. - Goodnight, love – he whispered, giving her a peck before letting her go.
She made a show of pouting again before climbing the stairs to her dorm.