Rating warning: this chapter is rated E (explicit), for very mature content!
Chapter 6: Wreck my plans
The Gryffindor Tower looked like a funeral home. Most students had gone down for lunch already, leaving only a few depressed teenagers behind, who hung around the Common Room recklessly hurled over armchairs and sofas, refusing to talk or even look at each other. The Gryffindor banner that had been charmed to throw confetti at every passer-by was crumpled in a corner, Cassandra's carefully selected liquor forgotten on top of the coffee table. The stark contrast of the room now to what it was only a couple of hours ago was heart-breaking.
Remus and Pettigrew lounged aimless on the rug in front of the fireplace, Black on the sofa with Elizabeth held safe under his hold. Lily sat on the armchair, patiently waiting. Every time the portrait hole opened to welcome a gloomy Gryffindor, Lily's heart sped at the thought it might be James. It never was. The game had ended over an hour ago and she hadn't seen him yet.
- He's not gonna come back any time soon – Black complacently commented, staring at the decrepit fire that no one bothered to ignite.
- What do you mean?
- Last time he lost a game, we didn't see him for hours. He just takes off, coming back when he's not about to kill himself anymore.
Lily's heart tightened. She could just picture James sitting around the lockers or empty bleachers, blaming himself for what had happened, a horrible scowl adorning his usually bright face. She hated the image. She really just wished that he would return so she could comfort him. In any way she could.
But Black was right. He didn't come back. The seventh-year Gryffindors were forced to relent and finally go down for lunch, a meal spent in complete silence, while two tables over ecstatic Ravenclaw students cheerfully ate their food and chatted insufferably loud. Lily had to hold herself to not use her Head Girl authority to make them shut the hell up.
Instead, she just finished her bland pancakes in record time before leaving the Great Hall towards Classroom 7A, where her N.E.W.T's Arithmancy preparation class was taking place. Her friends had Herbology prep that day, relocating to the greenhouses. Lily felt a pang of envy as she went her way all alone, knowing that at least they'd be spending the afternoon together and seeing James. She hoped he'd be recovered enough to not miss the first training class of one of his N.E.W.T level course.
Professor Tertulliano welcomed Lily and the other seven students enrolled in Advanced Arithmancy with her characteristic smart smile, instructing them to sit close on the large round table of the seventh-floor classroom. As they were in a small number, the professor conducted the training by herself, having more than enough with her number charts and gematria alphabets to prepare them for their N.E.W.T's.
Lily tried her best to focus, answering all the professor's directed questions and laughing at the stories she amusedly told about her wife's mishaps. By the time the class was done and Lily managed to untangle herself from still insistent George Akins, it was almost dinnertime.
Lily hadn't spoken to James all day. She had only seen him for the forty minutes the game had lasted, from several hundred feet of distance. She missed him badly. And she needed to know he was alright.
She hurried to get back to the Great Hall, praying he would be there by now.
- Lily!
She turned her head to where Cassandra's voice came from. Her friend was ascending the small steps leading to the wooden tall doors of the Entrance Hall, muddy from head to toe.
- Reckon you had a productive day at Greenhouse 4? - Lily said, laughing lightly at her friend's appearance.
- Don't even start. Beery is a fucking dictator. At some point, I thought he'd literally bury me under dragon dung.
Lily chuckled, shaking her head, but keeping her eyes alert to survey the students that followed her friend, climbing back from the greenhouses.
- He's not coming for dinner.
- What?
Cassandra threw Lily a sympathetic look.
- I heard the lads asking him. He said he was going to grab something from the kitchens later. I think he's having a meeting now with his teammates or something.
Disappointment burned in Lily's stomach. She nodded to her friend, thanking her for the information, and turned around in direction of the Great Hall. They made small talk, roaming down the Gryffindor table, sitting away from the middle of the table where they had gotten used to sit the past few weeks. Lily had no interest in joining the boys if James wasn't there. They waved meekly to Marlene and Elizabeth when they showed up next to the incomplete Marauders, ignoring their calls to join them. They preferred to spend a peaceful dinner, quietly talking about other things that not Quidditch.
Cassandra asked Lily what she had decided concerning the Libatius Borage studies. With all the world-shaking events of the past month, Lily had completely forgotten to consider Professor Slughorn's offer for her to be the Hogwarts student representative in the highly competitive Advanced Potions-Making programme. Lily guessed the news had slipped her mind, after James Potter saturated it.
Cassandra had seemed stunned the first time Lily told her about the professor's offer, wondering why he would choose Lily if she did not intend to become a potioneer. Lily's cheeks flushed when she admitted to her friend that she hadn't come clean to the professor about that yet. And that was still true now, weeks after their first talk. Lily still hadn't talked to the professor or made any advances in her decision to participate in the programme. With the promise of telling him the next chance she got and to be more serious in her considerations of whether or not to accept the position, Lily finished her dinner and followed Cassandra back to the Common Room.
She wanted nothing more to retire to their dorm and call it a day. A terrible day. But Lily still wanted to see James. So, with the excuse of finishing her Ancient Runes' assignment, she lodged in a loveseat far removed from the centre of the room where the other seventh-years sat, staring straight ahead to the portrait entrance.
James came back just before curfew. Lily's chest expanded to twice its size when she saw her wonderful boy again. He had damp hair from a recently taken shower, dressing simply in dark trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. He smiled lightly when his gaze found his friends, coming to a halt in front of the sofa. Lily waited for him to finish his chat with the Marauders, knowing he wouldn't take long, and stood up as soon as he moved forward to the staircases. He hadn't seen her in her hidden spot, widening his eyes in surprise when she came into view. She walked in his direction, offering him her left hand. He took it, closing the distance between them and enveloping her in a bear hug.
It was like the weight of the whole day vanished. She was in his arms again and everything was just right. She inhaled deeply, enjoying his fresh fragrance and warm clothes. She turned her head inside their embrace, searching for his mouth, but didn't find it as he took a step back, ending their hug.
- Sorry I've been away all day. I had a lot to think about.
Lily missed his body immediately, but restrained from pouting as she'd been predisposed to do every time he denied himself to her.
- Yeah, I know, it's okay. Are you alright, James?
- Not really, but I will be. Don't worry – he said, touching her cheek delicately with the back of his hand. She noticed his smile didn't reach his eyes. - See you tomorrow, Lily. Goodnight.
She let him go, disappearing up the stairs to his dormitory. She knew there wasn't much she could do to make it better for him now. He was upset because his team lost the first game of the season. It was reasonable. It was expected. Anyone would do the same in his situation, wallow in misery after a defeat. It didn't pain her any less knowing that this was normal and that she should just wait for it to pass.
James' eyes were made to smile together with his mouth. That it didn't, made Lily realized there was little she wouldn't do to make him happy again.
- He's in the Prefects' bathroom.
Lily was staring out of the window, perched on the same ledge James had sat her and performed a miracle with his tongue less than a month ago. She twirled her neck to the boy talking to her now.
- He always spends a lot of time there when Gryffindor loses – Remus told her, leaning on the wall next to the portrait of sir Uric Oapley. - I figured you'd like to know that.
He winked and left her again to her thoughts.
Lily sighed and, without waiting a beat to consider it, got to her feet and exited the Common Room.
James had spent the whole day away again. He wasn't there by the time Lily went down for breakfast, which wasn't nothing too strange, considering he was an early riser, Lily missing him half of the time even when she tried to wake up earlier. She didn't see him during the morning that followed, which had her alternating between the Common Room and the ground floor, where sometimes the Marauders hung around, to try and catch him. He was sitting in his customary spot by lunch, surrounded by overly attentive Black and Pettigrew, who didn't give her any chance to come closer than a table of distance.
He smiled and ate his food normally, but everything about his posture was wrong. He was pretending to be okay for his friends' sake. She knew Black and Remus realised that, who were the most perceptive of them, but Pettigrew, Marlene and Elizabeth naively stood around, cracking jokes, already forgetting all about the game of the day before. Lily knew James hadn't.
He had grinned at Lily when she arrived for lunch and asked her how she was, being his usual sweet self. She replied to him in the same tone, sitting again far away with Cassandra and not participating in their conversation. When the meal was over, Lily headed to the library, not wanting to spend the next few hours again wondering where he was and feeling overall extremely useless.
She finished her Ancient Runes essay and came back to the Common Room at the end of the afternoon to find James once again gone. Stomach boiling with a mix of sadness, exasperation and insecurity, she had sat on the windowsill and let herself go in contemplation.
After the information Remus so voluntarily provided her, Lily wasted no time to get to the Prefects' bathroom. She hastily walked through the corridors and down the staircases until she reached the fifth floor, crossing the statute of Boris the Bewildered and stopping in front of the dark thick door that led to the bathroom, throwing out the password.
The bathroom was filled in hot steam, creating a wall of fog so thick Lily couldn't see anything at first. She took a few steps in, trying to discern James' figure, without any luck. She grabbed her wand and vanished the steam, immediately finding him floating on the far side of the large tub that dominated most of the bathroom. He was surrounded by colourful soap bubbles and foam, hair completely wet and frameless, shocked eyes.
- Lily!
- Hi, James.
She hadn't taken much time to figure out what she would say once she got to the bathroom, using her walk from the Tower to the fifth floor to urge herself not to lose the courage. She couldn't take another second in the agony she was. She needed him.
- I've missed you.
James sighed. He looked away, tugging his damp hair with his left hand. The movement made his chest more visible from under the tub water, giving Lily a glimpse of his fine pectoral. She bit her lip to hold in a whimper.
- I've missed you too. I'm sorry I've been such a prat lately. I really have to learn how to be a better loser.
Lily's heart fluttered. He was so lovely. He always seemed to know exactly what to say to make Lily only grow fonder of him. And more randy.
- Don't say that. I know you were upset with the loss. I wished there was something I could do to make it better for you.
He gave her a smile that almost reached the hazel.
- It's okay, Lily, thank you. I promise I'll be better tomorrow. If not, you have my blessing to make me do all the student complaints by myself – he joked.
- Hm, that's not enough.
- What, also the detention slips?
- No, I meant you taking over Head duties if your mood isn't better tomorrow. That's not enough for me.
James' smile faltered. His hand shot up to the back of his hair.
- Ehm, well, I -
- I'd rather if we just settled this now already. Can I come in?
His eyes almost jumped out of their orbits.
- Uh, Lily, I'm, eh, I'm kinda naked in here.
- Ah, yeah, that's true. Not really fair, is it? – Lily said, sounding cheeky and feeling queasy, opening the buttons of her top. - Luckily, there's an easy solution to that.
She was sure James' eyes were going to bounce out now. His mouth fell an inch wider after each button Lily popped open. When she finished her top, his jaw was almost reaching his bare chest.
Lily inhaled deeply and let the shirt slide down her arms. She briefly cursed herself for not having picked a sexier lingerie that morning, settling instead for her comfortable light pink bra and blue cotton knickers, unaware that she would be undressing in front of a bloke for the first time in her life that night. She cursed herself even more by remembering she did have the time to go up to her dorm and change before coming after James. She didn't know yet that she would be stripping in a few minutes but that's neither here nor there.
She ignored those bothersome thoughts and focused on the task. She bent to unlace her shoes and take off her socks. Straightening her body, she reached for her pencil skirt, undoing the zipper and letting it fall around her ankles. Swallowing hard, she risked a glance at James for the first time since she started undressing.
He was in the same position, two hands on his hair, jaw dropped. He looked her up and down with disbelieving eyes. Without giving him the chance to say anything or herself to chicken out, she removed her bra with a swift movement, lowering her knickers next.
She forced herself to stay a few seconds standing in front of him, completely starkers, letting him take the view in, before she moved towards the bathtub. She went up the small ladder on the side, climbing inside the tub and lowering herself until the water was covering her breasts. She swam quickly to James and reached him at the same time he surged forward and captured her mouth.
Thank you, Lord.
James immediately grabbed her waist, pulling her entire body flushed against his. Lily gasped against his lips when she felt his erection already pressing on her stomach, skin on skin. She'd never been naked with a bloke before. The most she had done with Eddie was shyly open his trousers' belt and jerk him off inside the fabric. She had never let him see what was under the clothes he had thoroughly groped during their four months together. She never felt comfortable enough to let things go that far.
She couldn't say she was fully comfortable now either. She still felt self-conscious, the prickle of insecurity never having truly left her. But her need for James was stronger. She hadn't felt him in two days and it was driving her mad.
His hands were left her waist, roaming through her body, grinding her arse, pinching her thighs, and going all the way up to tug at her hair. Lily had been surprised to find she was the kind of girl who liked having her hair yanked. She'd actually never thought of that, since no other boy had done that to her before. But she went absolutely feral every time James pulled her hair and snapped her neck back.
He did that now, tugging her head backwards, disconnecting their mouths so he could lower himself and kiss her collarbone. He licked his way down to her breasts, readily taking one inside his mouth. Lily moaned loudly when his tongue flickered her left nipple, biting it lightly. He sucked carefully for a beat before he moved to her right breast, his hands harshly holding Lily's body in place while he lavished her.
Lily's mind started its usual path towards going blank, getting lost in the feelings James awakened inside her. In a rare moment of clarity, Lily remembered what was her goal that night, what had driven her to leave the comfort of the Common Room to come expose herself like that in the Prefects' bathroom.
To make James happy again.
She couldn't let herself get distracted with his prowess to turn her into a useless mush every time he so much as touched her. Holding fiercely onto that thought, Lily grabbed James' hair gently and removed him from the absolute art he was producing with his tongue on her tits. He looked at her with unfocused eyes, heavy breath making his shoulders unsteadily move up and down.
She took his hand and guided them back to the edge of the tub.
- Sit here – she said, pointing to the small elevated brim on the left side from where they stood.
- What?
- Just do it, James, come here. - She pulled him, coaxing him to move forward. He hesitated for a moment, eyes roving her face in search of confirmation. He must've found it because, in the next second, he braced his athletic forearms on the edge and hoisted himself up the brim, swiftly turning around to sit in front of Lily.
Lily sucked in a choked breath at the sight of him. If she had never let a bloke see her naked before, she had definitely never seen one naked before. She had felt their bodies with her hands and through the clothes, but never in display as James was now.
He was beautiful. His slim body was attractively tanned, glistening with water and foam. His long arms were flexed with the effort of keeping him in the position but also with the tension of showing himself to her like this, Lily guessed. His thighs were ticker than she imagined, considering he'd always been on the thin side, but they were firm and wide, making an appropriate base for his perfect, gorgeous cock.
Lily was no expert in cocks, having never seen one face to face. Therefore, she shouldn't be trusted to judge one, but if she were, she'd say James' was on the top of the list of an ideal sample. She stared at it for longer than needed, completely fascinated by the length and shape of it. When she finally looked at James, his hunger expression made her lower abdomen coil with desire.
- Lily, what's -
Lily didn't let him finish, immediately holding him in her hands, making him gasp in surprise. His cock was as warm as the rest of his body. And it was so hard under her fingers that she had no problem in rubbing it up and down.
James hissed as if she was hurting him. She stared at him, trying to get a sense of what he was feeling, but his face was a mask of disorientation.
- Does this feel good? - she asked, starting to worry she might be doing something wrong.
James' eyes turned to her, teeth clamping lips, as he jerkily nodded.
She kept going, feeling him slowly, stroking with the middle of her palm, paying attention to all his reactions. He was mostly silent, throat bobbing incessantly, occasional grunts coming out. His hands were squeezing the sharp edges of the tub, keeping him grounded.
She wasn't sure how much he was enjoying it, since he apparently had lost his ability to speak so she filled in the silence to try and gauge some answers.
- I hated seeing you so upset this weekend, James – she started. He glanced quickly at her, before looking back to the work her hands were doing. - You were not made to be sad or troubled. You were made to be happy.
He swallowed thickly but didn't say anything.
- Because when you're happy, I am happy. You have that effect on me. - Lily dropped her left hand, feeling already tired with the repetitive movement. She kept her right hand, her stronger hand, rubbing him, while the other one clutched on his thigh. She gently circled his head with her thumb, remembering what Eddie had told her about what felt good. - I just wanted to see you smile again. To bring the wonderful James back. That's why I am here.
She increased her pace, sensing his breath quicken and body stiffen. Was he already close?
- I couldn't risk waiting until tomorrow, hoping you would magically forget about the game. I needed to do something about it today. - She moved a little closer, trying to attract his gaze up. She succeeded, his eyes snapped to her when her body brushed his, hand still pumping him. - Is this working? Are you feeling better?
He groaned, staring at her, eyes completely blurred.
- James, does this feel good? Talk to me, please – she begged.
He closed his eyes at that, keeping them shut for a beat, before he opened them with a brand-new expression. Urgency.
- Lily, I'm close – he croaked, barely a whisper. He looked wildly at her, gaze lowering at her now visible breasts. - Please, let me come on your tits.
A shudder overcame Lily, almost making her lose focus and interrupt the movement of her hand. She recovered at the last second, keeping her pace, and repositioned herself in front of James so his cock was directed straight at her breasts.
- Come on my tits, James.
He let out the loudest growl she had ever heard from him, his hips convulsing as he orgasmed. Lily arched her back, stuffing her breasts forward, ready for him.
His cum went everywhere but in her tits. It hit her jugular in a warm squirt first, then her bellybutton, ending in the hand still holding him. She looked at the mess he had made, waiting for him to finish. When he was apparently done, she said without thinking -
- I thought chasers were supposed to have good aim.
She immediately tensed, worrying he might get upset again by this untimely Quidditch joke. But he just threw his head back and let out a deep laugh, that reverberated around the large bathroom, undoing every single knot that was tautening Lily's body since the day before. Her James was back.
- I guess that explains our loss yesterday – he replied, good-humouredly, lowering himself down and pulling Lily in for a kiss. He gently caressed her while his lips covered hers, holding her head with both of his hands. He finished the kiss with several small pecks, before looking at her with a smirk. - Your turn.
In a movement as sudden as his change of mood, James lifted Lily's body in one single move, sitting her on the same brim he had just vacated, while simultaneously raising her left leg and wrapping it around his neck. Holding her still with strong hands on each of her sides, he immediately found her core with his tongue.
- Fuck – Lily screamed.
He smiled between her folds, backing his head just enough to say -
- I silenced the bathroom before you arrived. This time you can scream all you want.
And so Lily did.
She had missed his mouth so damn much, she felt like crying of relief when he licked her back and forth, applying pressure in the exact spot she needed the most. When he ate her out on the windowsill, Lily had reasoned with herself that she had come that fast because of the set of circumstances around their tryst – it was unexpected, spontaneous; they had never hooked up before; she provoked him until he snapped; he was rough with her like no other bloke had been; he performed oral sex in the middle of the Common Room where anyone could've caught them. All of that together made the whole activity extremely hot, which Lily thought was the main reason for her to come under five minutes.
The way James sucked on her clit on top of the bathtub's edge of the Prefects' bathroom told her that, no matter the context, she had come under five minutes because of him, and him alone. His mouth was a gift from God to women.
To one woman, Lily mentally corrected, mind fogging with pleasure. Just me.
He is mine.
She came as hard as she had come that night of the full moon, and that day in the Heads' office. This time, as he had declared, she screamed the entire time, so loudly that she worried the silence spell wouldn't be strong enough to stifle the sound. She quivered against his face, yanking at his hair with all her force as her orgasm cursed through her body.
He pulled her down after she stopped shivering, bringing her back to his arms and kissing her deeply. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, snogging lightly, locked on each other. At some point, James moved them so he could lean against the side of the tub, placing her in front of him. Her back settled against his chest, head comfortably laying on his shoulder, as he cuddled her with kisses along the neck, strong arms secured around her waist.
- I'm sorry about the game, James – Lily said, quietly.
- Thanks, love. It was a clusterfuck, wasn't it? - he chuckled.
- Well, at first you were doing brilliantly, we all thought Gryffindor was going to win.
- Yeah, until we didn't.
- It was not your fault. - Lily knew he blamed himself, even if he didn't say it outright. He was the captain of the team and he was the one who missed the last goal. He was probably metaphorically kicking himself in the shin on repeat.
- It kind of was, though.
Lily sighed.
- How, James?
- I did miss the last goal, didn't I? - He hadn't moved an inch since they started talking, still firmly holding her, cheek resting on the side of her face.
- And you scored the other twelve.
- Yeah, but they didn't even matter. What good is it that I scored them if I missed the most important one? The one that would have saved us from an embarrassing defeat.
- Well, that just doesn't make any sense, James. If you hadn't scored the other twelve, the last one wouldn't have matter in the least, because you'd be so behind on the score that you'd be doomed to lose any way. Only because you managed to score so many points before they caught the snitch, that it almost made it possible to tie the score. So those twelve goals were as important as the last one.
A pause.
- Yeah, you got me there – replied James, with a small laugh. He kissed her neck, chuckling against her skin, and squeezing her tighter. - Thank you, love. I know I'm being stupid. I'll just get my shit together now.
- You're not being stupid. It's normal to feel how you feel. I just don't like it on you, so you should stop it already for my sake.
He guffawed, pinching Lily's belly and making her laugh too. She squirmed inside his embrace for a beat before he brought her face back to him with tender fingers and kissed her slowly. She loved the way he treated her. He was always so nice to her, regardless if she had just made him come or not. He was that way even before they started hooking up. Praising her in Heads' meetings, listening to all her ideas, complimenting her academic accomplishments, telling her she was the most gorgeous girl in Hogwarts.
Edgar was a very sweet bloke too. He treated her well and did his best to keep her happy. And, yet, the two boys couldn't be more different from each other. And couldn't elicit more different reactions out of Lily. She dated Eddie for four months, the end of which left her feeling exhausted from pretending she reciprocated his feelings. She had officially started dating James only nine days ago and she felt like her overwhelming feelings for him were crawling out of her open heart.
She turned her head back to the front, settling down again against his chest, and inhaled deeply. It was time to take another step forward.
- I've never done this before.
James didn't say anything for a moment, maybe expecting her to continue. He hummed to let her know he was listening.
- I've never being naked with someone before today.
She willed her body to not flush too much. She could feel that she was already getting red but hopefully not enough to make him notice from behind. She just couldn't help feeling embarrassed.
She knew she was very inexperienced. Out of her group of friends, she was the only one still a virgin at the age of seventeen. Elizabeth was the first to do it, losing her virginity to Black when they were in third year. Lily remembered feeling thoroughly shocked at her friend, having herself never done anything more than give a boy a peck on the lips. Cassandra was next, only having slept with one bloke in her life, her boyfriend of two years from Manchester, who dropped her during fifth year as soon as he started uni. Marlene was the last one, losing it during the first term of sixth year and never really stopping since then, having a different romp every other weekend.
Lily had felt the pressure to give in and have sex with Eddie when Marlene lost her virginity while she was dating him. There was no reason not to. They were seeing each other for a few months, he was very sweet and caring, it would've been a good first experience. And yet Lily couldn't make herself do it. She just hadn't wanted it. It was sometime during that discovery that Lily realised she would never fall in love with him.
- Oh?
Lily nodded, not trusting her own voice. She knew he was experienced. Marlene and Elizabeth had told her the tales of their parties and travels with the Marauders, and the many girls who threw themselves at them. James never had a permanent girlfriend but it didn't mean he hadn't done things. She knew he had. Probably much more than she could imagine. All of them, actually. Lily usually tried to ignore this train of thought but right now it was proving to be difficult. Sometimes, she felt like she got lost behind, between her disastrous friendship with a Death-Eater wannabe, her dull, uneventful relationship with Eddie, and her obsession in becoming Head Girl material.
Somewhere along the way, she hadn't enjoyed life as she should've. As everybody else had.
James cleared his throat.
- I thought that you might have, eh, you know... Uh, with Bones.
Lily shook her head, also clearing her throat.
- No, not really. We did some things, but not everything, Not, eh, all the way. - She paused, taking a deep breath in. - I'm a virgin, James. I thought you should know that. You know, before we keep going with this.
James turned her around, making her face him. She gulped, knowing she was flushing horribly. He smiled before kissing her.
- Thanks for telling me, Lily. It doesn't change anything for me, I'm not expecting you to, you know, do something, whatever, with me if you don't want to. If you're not ready – he murmured, staring her straight in the eyes, in all earnest. - We will go as slow as you want to.
- Weren't you the one who wanted to go slow? - she jested, trying to get rid of the lump currently lodged in her throat.
- I do, even more now – he replied, kissing her again. - Just know I don't expect anything from you, okay? I'll never pressure you to do anything, ever.
- I know, James – she said, uncomfortable. She didn't want him to treat her any different just because she hadn't had sex yet. All this talk about going slow worried her a bit, to be honest. The last thing she wanted was to be back at chasing him around the castle, trying to get some piece of him before he put a stop to their snogging. She was a virgin, not a saint. She still wanted to do a lot of unspeakable things with him. - I'm not telling you this as an indirect hint or whatever. I just thought it was the fair thing to do, since I know you are rather experienced.
It was his time to be uncomfortable.
- Ehm, I'm not that experienced. I've never had a real girlfriend, you know that.
- Yes, I know. – She chuckled softly. - You were much too occupied going around the world, having temporary flings during summertime, I suppose.
She meant it as a light crack, that would let him know that she knew he had had his share of adventures and that she didn't mind it. What had happened before they got together didn't really matter anymore, did it?
But James looked even more uncomfortable, letting go of her for the first time since she came, taking a step back on the tub, hands buried on his hair.
- Why would you say that? - he asked, frowning.
- I'm just kidding, James. - She shrugged. - I know you're experienced, that's all.
- That is not important, Lily. It doesn't make any difference.
- Yeah, I know. Alright, it's time to go, come on – she rushed to say, done with the conversation. This is not where she wanted to go when she decided to tell him she was a virgin. As usual, she hadn't known how to take a good hold of her emotions and express herself right. She really hoped she got better at it. At being with James.
She got dressed quickly, performing drying spells on James and her, and soon they left the Prefects' bathroom back to the Gryffindor Tower.
- What time is it? - James asked, hands kept on his own pockets.
- Ehm... - Lily turned her head until she found a clock. - Almost eight. Why, you hungry? We can go straight to dinner, if you want.
- Yeah, I think we should. I still want to change clothes, so I'll go to the Tower after we eat.
- Change clothes for what?
James rolled his eyes at her.
- Have you forgotten about our patrol again? Every Sunday, Lily.
She had. She had been so caught up in her wonderings about him and his state of mind that she completely forgot they needed to meet up either way for their rounds.
- Ugh, I can't believe I rushed so much to meet you at the bathroom when I could've just talked to you during our patrol.
- Well – he smirked – I'm not going to complain about your fickle brain this time. It served me just fine.
Lily half huffed, half laughed, and they changed directions to go to the Great Hall for dinner.
- You look chipper.
Lily looked up from the Daily Prophet issue she held in her hands, the Politics session of which she was trying to make sense with little success, her mind still eighty percent asleep due to the early hour of the morning. Her decision to wake up earlier to spend more time with James sometimes came off as very dumb. If she couldn't think straight before seven o'clock, how could she even enjoy her time with him before class?
Remus sat from the other side of Lily, eyeing James curiously.
- Do I?
- You definitely do. You spent the whole weekend feeling sorry for yourself, I expected you to be at least a little depressed today.
- He didn't spend the whole weekend feeling sorry for himself. Yesterday he was just fine – Marlene intervened, before James had the chance to reply, frowning at the two boys.
Remus gave her a placid smile.
- That was just pretend. James is a goddamn good actor.
Lily snorted. She knew Remus would have caught up on that.
He turned to look at her at the sound.
- You would know that, wouldn't you, Lily? So now you see why I'm wondering about his mood today. Yesterday he was wallowing, as you very well know, and today he isn't. - He paused, face scrunched in faux concentration. - Actually, I'd say he was already in a better mood last night. You know, after I told you where to find him.
Lily flushed from head to toe.
All of her friends turned around to look at her, Cassandra arching an eyebrow so pointedly Lily thought it would detach from her forehead. Black stared at James, smirking despite himself when he noticed James' faint blush.
That was indeed a sight. James never blushed.
- Don't go running now with theories, you twats. I'm looking chipper because I was reminded that life's not over because I lost a game. So there's no reason to be depressed for more than two days, is there?
Elizabeth grinned.
- Life's definitely not over if you lose a game. Especially if you can win some favours afterwards.
- Lizzie!
Lily had no idea where her friend was taking that from, she hadn't told anyone what James and her were up to the past few days. Not even Cassandra. She never felt very at ease to talk about sex with her mates. The only time she'd done so was when she was forced to tell Cassandra about the windowsill incident, and that was a hard-plucked confession.
The whole table laughed, enjoying as usual to take the mickey out of James and Lily. In spite of her embarrassment, Lily didn't mind. She was too content to care.
Life with James was good. Despite their decision to maintain a low profile, they still did most things together, practically as a couple. They had all their meals together, walked to classes side to side, sat close to each other during lessons whenever possible, spent increasingly more time alone in the Heads' office, only to retire to their Common Room, where they basically almost cuddled the entire night.
They were discreet, though, and whereas they were some rumours being spread of their dating, those weren't taken much to heart when, in the same week, there was also talk of Lily definitely going to the next Hogsmeade's visit with George Akins and James with Carmelia Carmichael. The latter came attached to a beautiful love story of how she caught the snitch Saturday and destroyed his Quidditch dreams only so he would notice her, which worked perfectly and now they were madly in love. Lily laughed until her belly ached as Cassandra shared this gossip with them Tuesday night, when they all sat together around the fireplace. James seemed grumpy for a while with the rumours of him going out with another girl but soon he was laughing together with Lily, apparently becoming amused with her amusement.
That night, there was one person missing from their shenanigans in the Common Room. Feigning a stomach ache, Remus had retired early to the boys' dorm. The full moon was the next day and since the weekend Remus had been under the weather, already feeling in his body the implications of that time of the month. Before they said their goodbyes at the bottom of the stairs, Lily softly asked James about the plans for the next day. She didn't want to pry or ask questions to which he didn't want to give answers, but she still wanted to talk about it. James just squeezed her hand, telling her she had nothing to worry about, that they would be as careful as they always were and that they would be back before she knew it. He asked her then, with a lopsided smile, to not wait up for them again, since it was no longer needed now that she knew all their secrets. She chuckled, internally grateful that she wouldn't have to spend another sleepless night monitoring the mischievous Marauders.
As promised, the seventh-year Gryffindor boys woke up the next day in one piece, showing up for breakfast, minus Remus, with not much more than a scratch on Pettigrew's forehead, which he blamed the corner of his bed as the culprit. Lily grinned warmly at James when he sat next to her in the table, clasping his hand on hers for a wonderful minute.
That afternoon they had their first N.E.W.T's Charms preparation class, annoyingly falling on the one day Remus couldn't join. They made sure to write down every single information discussed in the training to give to him once he was recovered. Also that afternoon, after his tutoring class in the library, Lily dragged James to their office, where they snogged until he made her come on his lap, pumping his fingers in and out of her until she was pulling his hair and screaming his name. The next day, Lily made both of them come as she rocked her knickers back and forth against him, reaching the orgasm through the delicious friction over the layers of their clothing. Both times Lily had to use her best powers of seduction to convince James that they were going slow enough. Lily was just glad they learned to remember silencing their office before they started.
That same Friday she decided to take a trip to the Hospital Wing. She knew Remus was still there, soon to be discharged, so she waited in the Great Hall, together with the rest of the seventh-year students who had the afternoon free. They were halfway through their Transfiguration assignment on the practical duelling advantages of Conjuration when Remus finally joined them, looking tired but overall unscathed. The Gryffindors greeted him, making room for him to sit and passing on their Charms notes. Lily patiently waited twenty minutes before announcing she had a headache and she was going to ask Madame Pomfrey for a painkiller potion. She declined any offers of company from James and Cassandra, saying she would be back in a beat.
She knocked on the double doors of the infirmary when she arrived, sticking her head inside to check for Madame Pomfrey. The nurse came out of her hidden office at the sound, gesturing Lily to come in. The wing was mercifully empty.
- How can I help you, dear?
Lily hesitated, timid. Only the thought that Madame Pomfrey probably received the same request every week from half of the female population in Hogwarts pushed her to go ahead.
- I was wondering if you could give me some contraceptive potion, Madame.
Madame Pomfrey smiled tenderly at her, wrapping a comforting hand around Lily's elbow before she excused herself to go look through her potions cupboard. She was shortly gone, coming back holding two dark-green vials.
- You should take this once a week, ideally during meals. The effects last only seven days, my dear, remember that and make sure to come back here regularly to replenish your stock. I'm going to give you two already, in case you are not used to how it works.
Lily thanked her, skin warm with her blush, and hurried to leave the room.
Fortunately, she put the potion away in her bag while she was still inside the Hospital Wing because she hadn't taken three steps outside when she bumped into Nuur Shafiq.
- Lily! Oh, sorry, love, I didn't see you there. Is everything alright?
The Hufflepuff looked at Lily inquisitively, noticing where she was leaving from. Lily rushed to repeat her excuse.
- I just had this horrible headache. But I really want to finish our Transfig essay today so I just popped in to get some painkiller potion.
- Oh, how annoying. I hope you feel better soon!
- Thanks, Shaffy.
The two girls walked side by side towards the ground floor, talking about their overwhelming schedules and school work. Even though Nuur was taking one less N.E.W.T level course than Lily, she had plenty of extracurricular activities with her ongoing training to become a healer, which kept her exceedingly busy.
- Wow, Shaffy, I had no idea you wanted to be a healer. Are you training directly with St. Mungo's?
- Yes, the other trainees and I go there every Monday afternoon for a couple of hours. It's not much, but by the end of the year it will have helped us a lot with the practical side of the function.
- Of course! It's amazing that you've been already accepted in the training. You're half in already, it's brilliant.
Nuur smiled warily at that.
- Well, yes, I still have to get all the required N.E.W.T's first.
- Which you will, of course.
Lily noticed that she did not look so sure of that, which made no sense to Lily. She was a brilliant witch. Always attentive, involved in classes, good marks. Lily had no doubt she would pass her exams and become a healer in no time.
- What is it, Shaffy?
Nuur sighed, pretty face contorting in a worried expression.
- I'm confident about most subjects, but I really struggle with Defence Against the Dark Arts. You remember how poorly I performed in our first preparatory class.
Lily did remember. She had to guide her through the entire process, and that only went over mildly aggressive curses, not even the most difficult assessment they would face.
- Well, you can always practice more. We still have plenty of time before the exams, you'll get better by then.
- Not by myself.
Lily smiled, finally realizing why the Hufflepuff looked so uncomfortable.
- But with the Head Girl, yes. How about we practice together now and then until you feel as confident with it as you do the with the other subjects? - Lily said, winking to her.
Nuur gave her the brightest of smiles, almond-shaped eyes sparkling again with joy. She thanked Lily a hundred times as they decided to have their first private training session the next Friday afternoon.
They walked into the Great Hall together, Nuur following Lily to the Gryffindor table. The seventh-year students looked at them with surprise, as if it were a Slytherin approaching them and not a Hufflepuff. Lily invited Nuur to sit with them and work in their Transfiguration assignment together. Lily noticed that Elizabeth and Marlene exchanged a strange look at this, as if they didn't want the girl to join them.
Lily deposited that peculiar interaction in her brain, determined to get back to it later and ask the girls if they had any issues with Nuur. She couldn't imagine what could possibly be. The Hufflepuff was as lovely as they come. Lily couldn't point one fault in her.
Even with the cold shoulder she had received, Nuur still spoke merrily with the Gryffindors, turning to James next.
- Sorry about Saturday, James. That was really unlucky.
James smiled, polite.
- Thanks. Those things happen.
They kept chatting but Lily tuned out. She needed to focus in the essay in front of her but all she thought about was the potion she had currently buried in her dark-magenta bag.
Lily knew it was way too soon to be thinking about having sex with James. They had only begun seeing each other. But Lily also needed to be realistic – things were quickly getting out of control. They had gotten each other off almost every day of that week. Each time she was in his arms and his fingers were curled inside her, Lily got more randy. She knew it was a matter of time before she decided she wanted more. Even though she had spent four months with Edgar and their physical relationship never evolved further than handsy trysts, she knew things were completely different with James.
Things were different with her too. She was older now. She knew that most of it had to do with James, but there was also a part of it that was Lily's willingness to take the next step. Her body was increasingly asking for more, wanting for more, ready for more pleasure. Although they haven't been together for long, Lily was sure she was going to lose her virginity with James.
It was only a question of when.
She stared at her bag at the foot of the table and then at James, talking quietly with Nuur next to her. She smiled at him, suspecting that the when was going to come very fast.
Lily fulfilled her promise to Cassandra and spoke to Professor Slughorn the next Monday, during their N.E.W.T's training. Making sure they were not being heard, Lily guided the professor to the corner of the classroom after she had finished her Elixir to Induce Melancholia and told him about her decision to not pursue the career of potioneer after Hogwarts. The wizard appeared taken back, frowning at Lily like she was a puzzle that didn't make sense. She didn't further explain her reasons not to become a Potions Master, because she wasn't in the mood to start debating with yet another person how wise was it for a Muggleborn to become an auror.
After she told him the news, she explained that she understood if he preferred to choose another student to take her place in the open spot for the Libatius Borage programme. Lily couldn't help glancing at Severus as she did so. He was already looking at her, giving her the odd sensation that he knew exactly what they were discussing.
Professor Slughorn rejected Lily's reasons as to why somebody else would perhaps be better suited for the position.
- Even if you will not follow the career, my dear, you're still the most talented witch in Potions in this school. There's no one else I'd rather have representing the school in the programme.
Lily didn't miss the use of 'witch' instead of 'student' but was glad with the professor's reaction either way. She thanked him and promised to get back in the next couple of weeks with an idea for her original concoction. She also promised him to be there at the next Slug Club meeting, the Christmas party before the break, after she had missed their previous encounter.
She made sure to clear her schedule for the next days, hurrying to finish her last essays of the week in order to have her free period on Wednesday entirely to focus on the development of the potion she would submit in the Advanced Potion-Making programme. She already had an idea for it but she wanted to make sure it was possible before she pursued a recipe. She spent more time than she predicted in the library, trying to find the right books before she gave up and went back to the Heads' office where she would wait for James to return from his Quidditch practice. Lily hadn't told him about the programme yet. Unsurprisingly, she preferred to spend her limited time with him performing other tasks that didn't include chatting about extracurricular activities.
It took him longer than usual to get back that day, which left them only enough time to snog hard against the door of the office before they had to rush downstairs for dinner. Once again, Lily didn't find the time to have a decent conversation with him. Lily figured she could ask him more about lycanthropy later.
- So how was today? Did you manage to come up with the next brewing invention of the century?
They were gathered in the Common Room, in the same spot they always were lately. Cassandra had her legs wrapped around Lily's as she asked the question. Lily laughed at her friend, but felt herself tense with the topic. She couldn't tell friend all the details of her new idea.
- Not even close. I still have a long way to go – she replied, neutrally.
- Well, that's just a matter of time. We both know that -
- Cassandra, where did you put my white-swan feather quill?
Marlene was sitting across Lily and Cassandra, in the loveseat next to Elizabeth. The Marauders were spread on the floor, chatting idly, but pulled their attention to the girls at Marlene's tone of voice.
- I have no idea what you're talking about, I didn't take it.
- Yes, you did. For Potions on Monday.
- I gave it back.
- No, you didn't. Don't tell me you fucking lost it.
- No, you don't tell me I fucking lost it when I fucking didn't.
This was becoming increasingly normal. For a reason Lily couldn't exactly pinpoint, Cassandra and Marlene were getting progressively more hostile with each other. Their fights were usually around something petty, such as a missing quill. Nobody understood exactly why the girls, who have been friends for years, were suddenly at each other's throats all the time.
- Marls, Cassie, please, there's no need for this kind of language – tried Elizabeth, in a soothing tone.
- You know that's my favourite quill, Cassandra. Why do you have to be so careless with the property of others? You don't care about anyone but yourself, do you?
- Ha! Look who's talking, the Pureblood extraordinaire who couldn't care -
- Cheers, lads!
Sixth-year Wyllie Macmillan stood between the sofa and the loveseat, grinning at the seventh-years and mercifully interrupting the quickly-escalating argument. Lily had never felt more excited to see the pompous boy addressing them. He was in the Slug Club together with Lily, coming from a long lineage of powerful Purebloods. Despite the house he was sorted in, Macmillan was, in Lily's opinion, best suited for Slytherin and their arrogant breed.
She grinned warmly at him now, as she had never done before, anxious to keep him with them long enough for Cassandra and Marlene to forget about their stupid disagreement. He barely spared Lily a glance, his head turned to the Marauders.
- How is it going, Macmillan? - James asked, with an easy smile.
- Fabulous, Potter! Have you heard the news about the Selwyn's Garden Reception?
Lily could tell James was suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. Black wasn't that tamed, he rolled his immediately.
- I have, actually. Interesting, huh? - James cordially replied.
- Interesting is to undersell it. It's gonna be the event of the season. Every family that's worth a damn will be there.
James' smile dimmed at that, while Black's, to his side, spilled darkly across his face.
- How about you go tell how flabbergasted you are to have the honour to participate in such an event to people who actually care about it?
Macmillan just snickered, insufferably.
- You can pretend all you want, Black, but we all know you like these events as much as I do.
A muscle ticked at Black's jaw.
- Macmillan, you're preaching to the wrong crowd, mate. We're really not the biggest fans – James supplied, hastily, before Black jumped at the sixth-year's face.
- Come on, Potter. You can't say that! I was there the last time we had a first-class event like this, in the summer. I remember you quite enjoyed it.
Macmillan was laughing but James' face instantly clouded, which didn't discourage the pompous boy in the least. He added -
- You know Shafiq is attending Selwyn's reception, don't you?
Suddenly the entire atmosphere changed around the fireplace. Marlene, who had still been sulking because of the impending argument with Cassandra, twisted her neck sharply to them. Remus and Black stiffened visibly, while Elizabeth and Pettigrew had identical widened eyes. James was utterly still.
Only Cassandra looked like she had no idea what was happening, same as Lily. They looked at each other, brows furrowed.
Lily was lost. What is he talking about?
- Macmillan, I think you should – started James, voice strangely urgent.
The other boy guffawed.
- You're not going to tell me you don't want another go at her? I don't believe it for a second. For what I heard, you followed her like a puppy all over Europe in the summer. And I don't blame you, mate, Shafiq's fit as fuck, and she clearly still wants you so -
- I'll give you three seconds to fuck off, mate, before I do that for you – interrupted Black, standing up from the floor to face Macmillan, wand in hand. But Lily wasn't listening anymore.
It slowly started to make sense.
Social event. Summer. Europe. Shafiq.
Nuur looking behind her, to James, when Lily asked her in the train which part of her trip she had liked the best.
Marlene and Elizabeth exchanging strange looks when Nuur joined them at the table.
Nuur's sweet smiles to James during Heads' meetings.
You're not going to tell me you don't want another go at her?
For what I heard you followed her like a puppy all over Europe in the summer.
Lily blinked and looked around. Everybody was staring at her. Marlene and Elizabeth with pity eyes, the Marauders with worried expressions. She looked lastly at James. His face was inscrutable.
Hazel eyes, as usual, indecipherable.
She absently noticed Macmillan was gone now. She heard his pedant laugh travel the Common Room, shaking her from her reverie.
She stood up and left the room.
A/N: I guess I was missing some angst in the story haha XD
But worry not, this is an important step in the Jily relationship. All will be well in the end, I promise! :)