A Huge Difference

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All characters belong to the brilliant Aaron Sorkin

A/N: This story goes deeper into what we learned about the man not seen – Ron Erlich.

Present Day:

POV Jed

I watched Abbey with Millie and I know they are discussing me. Abbey and I are relatively private people, but Millie and Leo know most of the ins and outs of our relationship. I feel like Abbey divulges more, but Leo is witness to things firsthand. He knew Abbey and I were going to have it out tonight. That is why I called him a "chicken" right before he practically ran back to is office when Abbey arrived.

I made a reference to Leo about Abbey and Ron early that morning. Some ridiculous comment about Abbey not helping herself about getting into bed with Ron. It was a cheap shot at Abbey's expense. Leo didn't have to ask. He didn't have to wonder where my mind was at that moment. He knew I couldn't make a clear decision on the new Fed Chair. He knew my ego was bruised. He knew because he was there when I told him I thought I lost Abbey forever. He saw my heartbreak.

As Leo approaches me, he knows I'm staring daggers at Abbey. He knows my mind cannot stop thinking about her body entangled with another man. He knows I'm not the type to ever let it go, no matter how many years have passed.

"He's not coming." I hear him say it, but I'm not putting the pieces together. He continues. "Ron wouldn't come to an event like this, so maybe you can take your prosecuting eyes off of Abbey for a second and realize she did nothing wrong."

Leo speaks at a decibel so low, I can barely hear him. Leo doesn't realize that I know she did nothing wrong. I just wish she did nothing at all. "I know how insane this all must seem to you." I know Leo has no concept of how I feel. He can't. He has been with too many women to understand how sacred of an act sex is to me.

"Insane? No. Misguided? Immature? Unnecessary?" He followed his eyes over to where I was staring. "Maybe." He stepped in front of me so he can gain my full attention, but I kept my eyes on her. Leo follows my gaze. "Millie looks good though!"

"Don't you even think about Millie that way." I warn. "I cannot have you dare go down that road. Are you trying to kill me?" Abbey and I had our conversations about the two of them. When we were all on the campaign trail, we used to make private jokes to one another about keeping them apart. They were both married and never wanted either to cross that line. Of course, now they are both divorced, but it still would be very messy.

He laughs at me. "No. Just trying to keep your mind off of Ron Erlich and your constant wish to turn back time so you could just speak up."

Mid 1960s

Jed POV

I couldn't help but think Abbey is right. Maybe I chose the priesthood because no one ever came along to challenge that path. I don't want to lie to myself anymore. I have deep feelings for Abbey. I have really gotten to know her and although she doesn't know everything about me, I want better for her. I want her to have someone treat her better than they way Ron Erlich treats her. I can treat her better.

I'm at a party and I see her there. Truthfully, I am only there because I knew Ron was going and knew she wouldn't be far behind. What I didn't expect to see was a very drunk Abbey, throwing herself at Ron.

I stand in a corner, sipping a beer, watching. It's like a bad car accident you pass on the highway. You know you shouldn't look, but you can't help it. You stare and strain your neck to see as much as you can.

A short girl with blonde hair blocks my line of vision to Abbey and we make eye contact. She is walking over to me, but I'm pretty sure I have no idea who she is.

"It looks like you are going to have to help your friend Ron tonight."

"Excuse me?' I never met this girl before, but I believe I have seen her with Abbey before.

"You're Jed, correct? A friend of Ron's."

"Yes. I'm an acquaintance of Ron's, but more of a friend of Abbey's these days." He takes a sip of him drink, straining his neck to see what Abbey was up to. She was wrapping her arms around Ron, as he was gently detaching himself from her. He looked annoyed as he was trying to conversate with other people in the circle he was standing within.

"So she told me."

My feel my eyes immediately shoot to this young woman. I'm surprised, no, actually, shocked.

"I'm Millie, Abbey's roommate, best friend, classmate and confidant." She sees Jed's eyes go back to Abbey. "And you are Jed, the very handsome, intelligent, waste of sex appeal, priest in training."

I can't help it, but I throw my head back and laugh. "Is that what she said?"

"She's not wrong."

"Well, thank you, I think." He looks back over and sees Abbey now sitting on Ron's lap. "Is she going to be okay? I never have seen her like this."

"She'll be fine. Ron will take her home."

That statement gets to me. He is going to take her home. He is going to have a very drunk Abigail all to himself. Jealousy started to surge inside of me and I know my feelings for Abigail Barrington are intensifying to a point of no return.

Ron is keeping her at bay. I can tell he is getting annoyed with her behavior, but doesn't once try and take advantage of the situation.

The next morning, I am actively seeking her out. I know all ger go-to spots. I find her at a coffee shop downtown, sitting at a table by herself, blankly staring out the window. I know I shouldn't be there. I know she isn't mine to check in on, but an overwhelming feeling of need trumps logic so I continue on my mission. A mission with absolutely no point.

"How are you feeling this morning?" I say it jokingly, as I sit across from her. I take in her appearance. Her eyes are glassy, she is wearing comfortable sweats and looks a bit pale.

"Oh, God!"

"No, just me."

"Very funny." She looks at him suspiciously, her brain working overtime and then it clicks. "You were at the party last night?"

"I was."

"Right. I remember seeing you there with Millie."

I immediately get defensive. "I wasn't there with Millie!" I exclaim a bit too forceful.

"Whoa."

"Sorry." I immediately realize how strong and loud that came off when Abbey moves both hands to her temples and massages them in a circular motion. "I met Millie last night for the first time. She introduced herself and explained Ron may need some assistance with you."

"I can take care of myself."

"Last night did not look like you were taking very good care of yourself." I start to get a bit peeved when she seems like she doesn't care. I know she doesn't need a lecture, but I care about this girl way too much for her to take no regard for her actions. "You were very forward with Ron."

"So?"

"I just never saw you like that before." I can tell she is annoyed too. I don't want to upset her, but I want her to care about herself.

"He IS my boyfriend."

That statement stung. "Yes. He is. I just didn't expect to see a girl like you have to beg for attention."

She is embarrassed by her behavior now knowing Jed saw a dirty and desperate side to her. "Well, the night ended with him being a complete gentleman."

Jed was hoping for this. He was hoping to learn that Abbey's wholesome character was still intact and that, at the end of the day, Ron was a good guy. Until she said it, he didn't even know he was seeking that particular piece of information. With his mood definitely improving, he decided to lighten the mood. "Maybe he should go into the priesthood."

They both chuckled with a hint of sadness they both felt but wouldn't dare speak of.

"I never act that way." She blurted out.

I try and justify it for her. "Well, it must have been the whiskey."

I see her struggling to say something, so I stay quiet, the silence killing me, but begging for her to break it. "Or the fact that we have been dating six months and I know it's time"

"It's time when you feel like it's time." I want to tell her not to do anything foolish. I want to tell her in that moment that I'm falling in love with her. I wasn't to tell her I'm having doubts about the priesthood. "That doesn't get measured in days, weeks, months or years."

She speaks her mind. "It's the correct amount of time. I can't make him wait forever. We are in college. We have the freedom to do what we want, when we want." Suddenly she is embarrassed. She knows she shouldn't be telling this to anyone, but Ron. He is her boyfriend. She should be talking to him. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure why I'm not sure why I'm telling you all of this."

I decide to say something from the heart. "You can tell me anything." I realize once I say it out loud that it should be a two-way street. I should be able to tell her how I feel, but know I can't.

"Really? I can't imagine you have much thought or knowledge on the subject." She raises her eyebrow, which I realize is her signature move when she knows she is right. She is downright sexy and that is noticeable by any human on either side of the oath.

"Ouch." I joke.

"I mean, have you really ever navigated your way through something like this?"

"Have I been in a relationship before? Yes. Were there boundaries? Sure."

She frowned, not getting the answer she wanted. "I'm guess I'm asking something different. Have you ever…"

"No." I don't know why I am ashamed of this, but I am. "I've never, but not because I haven't thought about it." No statement has been more true in the past few months. "I have been partially intimate with women before. I've probably done things I shouldn't have, but I'm a man."

"Lucky girl!" She smiles teasingly at me.

"Excuse me?"

"That girl…"

"Girls!"

"I stand corrected. Girls. Those girls must be traumatized."

"Why?" I feel clueless right now and start explaining myself. "I was always respectful. I always…"

Again, she laughs at me. "No. I mean, they fool around with you and now you are becoming a priest." When I don't respond, she continues to give me the full picture. "It's probably not good for their self-confidence."

"One really has nothing to do with the other." I defend.

She reaches across the table and taps my shoulders two or three times. "That's what you keep telling yourself, but in reality, those haunting thoughts cross their minds." I stare out the window, not knowing what to say or how to respond.

The silence must have gotten to her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I never thought about it like that. My concentration has always been on my own self, my celibacy, if I could make that sacrifice."

"Well, you've certainly committed to it."

"Not officially. I still must convince Fr. Cavanaugh. He's not sold on it. He knows too much of my history with girls in New Hampshire. He has doubts."

"Do you?"

This was it. I should tell her right now. I need to say it, but something is holding me back. Maybe it's Ron. Maybe it's that she is hungover. Maybe it's that we are in the middle of a coffee shop. Maybe I'm just scared. "Sometimes." It was all I could admit.

I was uncomfortable and she noticed so she changes the subject. "Well, I want to know more about these girls in New Hampshire. "

"I don't kiss and tell. And how did we get off the Ron topic?"

She shrugged. I missed my perfect opportunity to tell her not only I had doubts about the priesthood, but I'm having doubt because I'm falling in love with her.

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