A Huge Difference
Chapter 5
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the brilliant Aaron Sorkin
A/N: This story goes deeper into what we learned about the man not seen – Ron Erlich.
Present Day:
POV Abbey
I always called the shots. From when I was a little girl, my parents always gave me a voice. Maybe it was because they had two daughters. Growing up in an era where women didn't have the same rights as men, my parents fought that in the way they raised us. We got to make our own decision of where we went to college, who we dated and married, what careers we wanted to explore. They never interfered. They were always supportive.
I watch Jed from across the room. He can have any woman he wants. I'm sure all the Presidents before him had their fair share of opportunities. The power that comes with the Presidency is something I don't think Jed fully grasps. I see how women look at him and talk about him. I read magazine articles that are less than respectful of our marriage.
He is clueless when it comes to that. When I called him that once, he told me that he wasn't clueless. He knew what was out there, but he just didn't care. He told me he only ever wanted me. It sounds naïve to believe him, but I do. I believe him with all my heart. That is why I know how badly he is hurting over something I find so trivial.
This dreadful event is almost over. I cannot wait to get back to the residence. I didn't notice Leo approach until I felt his arm on my forearm and he leaned in to kiss my cheek. "Almost over, Abbey."
"Another half hour or so I would say."
"Yeah. Then you have the rest of the night to deal with the raging, jealous lunatic I call my best friend."
"Well, for once, we are on the same page."
Leo winks at me, never shying away from charm and charisma. "He is different from us, Abbey. He doesn't have the capacity to understand this particular fight."
"Even though I have been telling him for thirty years there is nothing to fight about?"
"Oh, Abbey. You know he can' get over it. I have tried to tell him."
I stare at him wondering how far we are really going to take this conversation. I'm never scared to knock people over with my words, so I go for it. "Tried to tell him what exactly, Leo? That all the women you have been intimate with over the years has such little meaning? Most sexual encounters mean nothing between people."
"Abbey, that 's not fair."
I shook Leo a bit with my words, and admittedly, I loved it. I notice out of the corner of my eye Jed is watching us. "Whether he hears it from you or hears it from me, it never eases him. He…"
"Don't you know why?"
"Yes, Leo. I'm not that dense. You can't understand it."
"You know what he told me once? He told me he never wants to be with anyone else. Ever. If you die first, he is …"
"Great, you are killing me off now?"
"He only wants to be with you because his feelings are so intense, so magnified, so blinded that he never wants to lessen how that feels. He never wants to see passed you. He never wants to feel anything but you."
I feel myself tearing up. Jed is expressive, and I should know that he is open with Leo about many things, but this gets me.
Leo continues. "So, the thing with you and Ron threatens that. You have something with someone else that he never wanted. I think he wishes at times he did so he can process it better. He views it as giving yourself to someone, so he questions my behavior all the time." Another wink from Leo and I smile.
I see Jed making his way over as Leo finishes up. "Think about that as you go fifteen rounds later."
I feel Jed slip an arm around my waist and kiss my temple. "You ready to say our goodbyes?"
Leo dismisses himself by saying, "I'm going to try and catch up with Millie."
"Leo, please don't." I hear Jed warn.
As Leo departs, I turn to Jed. "Don't what?"
"Don't ask."
Mid 1960's
Abbey POV
He said "sometimes" he has doubts. What does that mean? One minute he was talking about Ron, my behavior, the pressures of sex and the next he discloses he sometimes has doubts about the priesthood. I need to know more. I want to know if the doubts are new founded or always been there. I wish he said more. I wish I was bold enough to ask more. Why is this occupying my mind? I am with Ron. We are happy. Our parents are thrilled about our relationship. Everyone expects us to be engaged by the time we are done with undergrad. The inevitable will have to happen. I will lose my virginity to Ron and as great as that should sound, I'm sick over it. I'm just not ready.
We were at dinner when Ron brings it up and rightfully so. He has every right to be curious. We are in-between the appetizers and the main course. I don't know why, but I bring up Jed.
"How well do you know Jed Bartlet?"
"That's random." He says, taking a sip of wine.
"I'm sorry. I just …" I'm trying to figure out how to word this, without upsetting Ron. "I find it so interesting that he is studying to be a priest."
"Interesting?" I feel his suspicions rising and I need to deflate that balloon.
"Well, I see him flirting with girls on campus, he is a pretty outgoing guy. It just doesn't all add up."
"Trust me, it adds up. Every girl I know has tried to break him from the priesthood and he holds out. Every. Single. Time."
"Really?" I can't help but question it. "He seems so dense about it. Does he even realize he is wanted in that way?"
"I don't know. We aren't that close. His hangs out with that new guy Leo all the time. I would guess they were gay they spend so much time together, but Leo gets around way too much for that."
I'm silent. I have so many thoughts running through my head. How can I be so foolish to think that I am the reason he sometimes has doubts? Ron just said girls are all over him. It's not just me after all. Ron's voice breaks me out of my thoughts.
"Why are we talking about this?"
"I don't know. I never met anyone before that is making that kind of commitment."
"Speaking of commitments, I was hoping you and I would be making one soon." He wagged his eyebows and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Oh yeah? What type of commitment?"
"The horizontal kind." He is looking at me with eager eyes. "All joking aside, we have been together almost seven months now Abbey. I love you. I have told you that before. We are compatible. Our families love us together. What more is there?"
I feel uneasy. I can't begin to explain. I need time to figure out how to respond. Just then, the waitress comes over with our food, which is a welcome distraction.
Once the waiter leaves, I respond in the vaguest manner humanly possible. "It all makes sense. I know it does. We have visualized our future together. Grad school for you and med school for me which isn't that far off. I just…" I struggle with what to say next, so he interrupts.
"Abbey, you know we are great together. Everything we do physically up to this point satisfies me and I think I satisfy you." I feel myself blushing as my mind flips like a rolodex and stops at all the times we have used our hands and mouths for pleasure. Why can't that just be enough for now? Again, my thoughts are interrupted. "But I'm ready to be with you completely. I want to have that piece of you to call mine."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just want to make sure it is perfect and I feel perfect about it." It was the best I could give him in that moment, but honesty always wins. The truth was if Jed was an option to pursue, I know I would want to pursue it.
Present Day
Jed POV
I knew what I was in for when I married Abbey. I knew that what people viewed as stubbornness, I viewed as intelligence. I knew how important her family was to her and I knew that she had a strong sense of religion. I knew a life with Abbey was ever going to be boring.
As we walk up the stairs to the Residence, we are silent. We are both lost in our own thoughts of what is lying ahead. Are we going to argue over Ron yet again? Are we going to just cut to the make-up part? I would be just fine with that.
But I know Abbey. I knew right away that she was honest and direct when we met. So, as we argued tonight in the oval office, I'm not surprised that she comes right at me, calling me out on my cowardness. She knows I don't want to give Ron Erlich an inch more than he already had. I'll never get over that he has something I never will.
Abbey brought it up first. It shouldn't surprise me. Her forwardness defined our entire relationship. She was the one that was never afraid the broach the tough topics. The idea of actually being together, the idea of moving to London together, the idea of marriage, the idea of children, the idea of moving to the farm, the idea of serving the public in a different way that eventually launched my political career – it was all her doing.
I'd be lost without her.
She was never afraid to bring up the difficult things. She was always the aggressive one, the confrontational one. Just today, I tried to get info out of Danny Concanon to avoid the brutally tough conversation with her. And what does she do? She comes into the Oval Office looking for a fight. Sometimes, I think she loves to fight. She certainly loves to call me out on my crap. She knows she is the only one in this entire world that is allowed to do that. She takes that privilege to a new high each week we are in office. I sometimes fear what will happen when this is all over and we go back to New Hampshire. What will that life look like?
She knows what I have done and why I did it. She knows I hate Ron. I really don't hate him. I hate that he took away something so precious because I was too afraid to ask for what I wanted. It's hard to believe that was me. A scared kid, petrified of rejection. Petrified because rejection has been a regular theme in my life.
-Please Review