"Just ask him."
All eyes go to ichimatsu, waiting for his denial of the accusation.
It doesn't come.
Ichimatsu feels their eyes on him, and he hates it. He glares down each of them to the best of his ability then forces himself to look at Karamatsu. He hates what he sees.
He wants to open his mouth, but knows that if he does, he'll say the opposite of what he means. Like always.
It irritates him so much. He could fix this if he could just say it!
But he can't. He knows he can't.
Frustrated, he scoffs and leaves, relieved that no one stops him.
Ichimatsu navigates his way out of the building, doing his best to keep his mind blank. He doesn't want to think… He's afraid of where his thoughts will go. He's just passing the front desk when a voice stops him.
"Leaving already?"
He turns and sees Hana, again talking to the woman behind the desk. She's glaring at him with disdain.
"I'm not even surprised. I don't know you, yet even I can tell Matsuno-san deserves better than you; you clearly couldn't care less about him."
Ichimatsu glares back. He wants to tell her off, but even to a stranger, he can't admit how he really sees Karamatsu. All he can do is huff and turn away. He hears her mutter 'called it' as he walks away.
Exiting the hospital, he feels the gentle breeze. Normally it would feel good, he might even stop for a moment to enjoy it. But gentleness is not what he wants right now, not what he deserves. All it does is make him think those thoughts he was hiding from, makes him remember. It reminds him too much of yesterday. How gently Karamatsu had treated him, like he always does. But that time, Ichimatsu had been gentle in return.
He'd finally been honest.
It hadn't even seemed strange to him at the time, it had felt entirely natural.
That could be why it took him a moment to realize what had happened when the ring fell off. He'd heard it, looked down, and suddenly it hit him. He was about to hold Karamatsu's hand. And he'd been holding it most of the day. That wasn't something he'd actually do! And he hadn't thought anything of it other than enjoying it the whole time he wore the damn ring.
He'd felt sudden humiliation wash over him. He'd scrambled to think back, had he said or done anything that would give away his secret? He didn't think so, but because of this ring he could have!
The swell of emotion did what it always does: morph into anger. And his anger's favourite target? Karamatsu.
He'd felt honestly bad beating him up. Yes he feels Karamatsu was at fault for deceiving him and encouraging his odd behavior. He's allowed to be mad. But… he had genuinely enjoyed their day together. He'd been able to do things he'd only ever dreamt of doing.
His anger at Karamatsu was justified. The way he'd acted on it though? No. Karamatsu is often the target of violence, from everyone. But he rarely, if ever, deserves it.
When ichimatsu had left him there in that alley, he'd figured Karamatsu would bounce back like always. When Karamatsu didn't return home, he figured the other was just avoiding him. And then, Osomatsu had come home. At first, he was irritated. Karamatsu wanted to avoid him? Fine. He'd avoid right back. Then he found out he was in the hospital. What, did he want everyone to side with him, make ichimatsu look bad? He'd gotten battered way worse in the past. He didn't need a hospital.
At the hospital, he still felt bitter, and when Saito had confronted him, he got defensive even though he'd started sensing that something was really wrong. Had he gone too far?
When the doctor referred to what he'd done as 'abuse', he had to hold back from talking back. He knew what he'd done would absolutely classify as that, but it upset him to have it stated like that.
It wasn't until Saito got to the worst part of her story that he realized just how much damage he had caused, and it wasn't physical. He knows Karamatsu loves him; he says and shows it constantly, but… he loves him to the extent, he'd rather die than be hated by him?
Ichimatsu knows Karamatsu is an idiot, but how stupid can he be? Ichimatsu is not worth it. He's abusive trash. He's horrible. What an absolute idiot! Trying to die for such a stupid reason?
He'd barely paid attention after the story. Too busy focused on what he'd done. Then Todomatsu started to blame him. When Jyushimatsu came to his defense, he latched on. Right, he couldn't have known Karamatsu would do this. It wasn't his fault! Karamatsu did it all on his own! They can't blame Ichimatsu for this!
When Osomatsu tried to make him see he should take blame, he'd bailed. He didn't want to see. He never even actually went into the bathroom, worried he'd break down the second he was alone.
Then he was forced to see the consequences of his actions. He'd wanted to break, apologize and confess the truth, but instead amped up his usual animosity. He'd regretted it the second he realized Karamatsu had heard it all.
He growls as he realizes he'd let his mind think about it. If he didn't think, he wouldn't be able to realize that it's all his fault.
It's all his fault.
Oh, God, it's all my fault!
He wants to scream and cry. He wants to run back and hold Karamatsu, apologize, and beg for the forgiveness he doesn't deserve. He wants to look into his eyes and finally confess, 'I love you, I love you so much', but he can't!
Any attempt he could possibly make would go wrong, he'd say the opposite of what he wants to say, he'd just make everything worse. He could never be honest…
Wait! That's it!
He breaks into a sprint, nearly knocking over a couple people as he makes his way to the alley where he ruined everything. He skids to a stop when he gets there, panting, and drops to his hands and knees, searching. He pushes some garbage bags over, looking under them. One hadn't been closed properly, spilling trash onto him. He doesn't care, and continues looking.
His hands and knees are filthy, his hair is worse than ever, and he's sure he smells like sweat and garbage, but all that matters to him is the small object he'd just found under the dumpster.
He clutches it in his hand and rushes back to the hospital. He doesn't plan what he's going to say, doesn't need to. He knows he'll say the right thing, he's sure of it.
He doesn't slow down even when he gets back to the hospital, until a nurse scolds him for running. At least keeping a brisk pace keeps him from being out of breath when he arrives at the right room. His eyes go straight to Karamatsu and he takes quick, determined steps to get to him.
He sees Karamatsu flinch away and wants to comfort him, but doesn't speak yet.
Karamatsu looks up and sees what he's holding. Before anyone can speak, Ichimatsu locks eyes with Karamatsu, breathes, and slips the ring onto his own finger.