Chapter 33 - Facing Down What Divides US Part IV

Layton frowned deeply at the statement. This was exactly what he didn't want to come of this. Walking over, he sat down on the sofa next to her.

"Melanie, talk to me. What's wrong?"

Melanie turned to him in disbelief. "What's wrong!?" She all but screamed at him. "I just explained that to you! I nearly got you killed yesterday. How can you asked what's wrong?"

"And you were blinded by the same sort of freak accident. Did it make you run away from the engine? Abandon it to someone else?"

"Yours wasn't a freak accident." She replied. "And if I could see it would never have happened."

"You don't know that."

Melanie got up from the sofa and walked a few feet away from him.

"I'm not arguing this with you, Layton." She stated. "I made my decision. The lessons are over."

Layton sighed as he watched her stand with her back to him. He could tell by her whole posture just how defeated she felt. Just like always, anything that happened in the engine she took full responsibility for.

"You don't usually give up so easily." He finally said in a quiet voice. "What happened to that strong, intelligent, confident woman who led this train for nearly seven years?"

Layton was utterly sure he knew her answer before she gave it. But what he got wasn't even close to what he expected.

Turning slowly back around to face him, Melanie fixed her sightless stare on him.

"You did."

Layton paused in utter surprise. "I did?"

Melanie crossed her arms over her chest. "I told you once I didn't have friends. Layton." She reminded him. "Did you think that was just some over exaggeration? It was the truth. There was only one person on this train I even remotely trusted. And that was out of pure necessity."

Layton stared up at her. "Bennett." He ventured cautiously.

Melanie nodded an answer before she continued. "He already knew the truth. He knew me. As much as I would allow anyone to then. He knew about my daughter. He knew what happened. He knew all of it." She paused for a moment as she turned, taking a few steps away from him. "He was...someone who understood. Someone to talk to. Share a meal with. A laugh. A hug. A bed." She paused again for a moment. "Share my life."

"How long have you known Bennett?"

"He came to work for Wilford..." Melanie stopped to think as she turned back to face his voice, "...sometime before the train was started. I remember we used to bounce ideas off each other after Wilford would leave for the day to go to his parties, hunting for investors. I think that's what drove him the most nuts about Bennett and me. He felt like we were...shutting him out."

"Were you and Wilford friends before Bennett came?"

Melanie started to deny the suggestion, but abruptly stopped herself. "Yes." She finally answered him. "Yes, we were."

Layton looked up at her. "Were you close?"

The expression on her face melted into a deep frown. "We weren't lovers, if that's what you're implying." She stated flatly. "But Wilford...he wanted to control you. You were...a thing to him. A possession. Mindless. Obedient to his every word."

"That's not friendship, Melanie."

"I know that now." She replied. "When Bennett came, he started poking holes in that wall. He showed me Wilford didn't want to be in my life to be a friend. He wanted to be there for what he could get from me. But Bennett's teaching backfired on him. Because as I came to realize how Wilford was using me, I started to look at our relationship, and I began to wonder what his game was." She paused for a moment as she turned to the wall. "What did he want? What was his real purpose? Then after the first time we slept together, I thought, 'Oh, so this is it. He wants sex.' And I was fine with that. There hadn't been anyone in my life like that in a long time. So we started sleeping together."

"So you figured him out." Layton commented.

"I thought I had." She replied. "But the sex just seemed...it didn't define the relationship. Over time, he became...more like you."

"Me?" Layton asked in surprise.

"He didn't come to my bed each time wanting sex." She continued. "Sometimes we just lay in bed...and talked. We would talk about our lives. Our families. The train."

Layton ventured a comparison. "Like you and me. But without the sex." He quickly added.

Melanie gave a small smile. "Exactly."

Layton paused for a moment, watching her as she stared down at him.

"Soooo...," He ventured in a half serious, cautious tone, "...you want me to have sex with you...just to clear things up and level out the playing field?"

Melanie gave him a genuine laugh this time at the comment. "No, Mr. Layton." She replied past a small smile. "I do not want you to have sex with me." The smile quickly disappeared. "Bennett was the only person I ever let get that close in years.

And then you came. But you didn't come as a friend. You came to take everything from me. To destroy my life. Everything I built. That I worked so hard to hold onto. You took it with hardly any effort at all." She paused again as she wiped a hand over one bandaged eye.

He hated to see how much it still hurt her. But it was something he could simply never change. And it was one of the reasons for their 'The past is the past' rule. He knew that no matter how deeply she buried it, or how much she never even acknowledged it, she still hated him for it. How, on some level, maybe she always would.

"All I wanted was for you to go away. To leave me in peace. To be able to rebuild my life...alone." She gave a small laugh. "But you couldn't even let me do that. You kept coming back. For every time I shoved you away, you came back. For every insult, you stayed. Every slap..., you just put your hand back out again."

Layton gave her a small smile. "That's what makes a good detective." He told her in a low, soft voice. "I'm good at wearing people down."

"Well, you wore this one down."

The smile remained. "She was worth it."

Melanie returned the unseen smile, but without one ounce of mirth in it. "Was she?"

"I think she was." He replied sincerely.

Melanie paused for a few moments before she spoke again.

"Wilford taught me when someone wants to be that close to you, they want something in return." She stared down at him. "So," she stated in a flat level tone, "what is it you want, Mr. Layton?"

Layton didn't hesitate a second in his answer. "Nothing."

"I thought we weren't going to lie to each other."

"I'm not lying."

"You want trust." She replied, her expression matching her tone. "And that is where the relationship falls into trouble. That's the whole crux of our problems, Layton."

"How so?"

Melanie gave a soft sigh. "Do you trust me, Layton?" She asked.

"With my life."

The expression remained hard as stone. "Well, I don't trust you."

Layton refused to back down from the statement. "You used to. And I know how hard it was for you to get to that point. That's why I treasured it so deeply. Why I gave you trust in return."

Melanie turned from him and walked a few feet across the room. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Why not?"

"Have you even been listening to me, Layton?" She stated, turning back to him. "I...I'm broken. Whatever it is in a person that lets them trust another human being..., I don't have that anymore."

Layton shook his head. "Melanie, that's ridiculous. That isn't something you can just remove from a person. I'm not saying it can't be damaged..., but it's still inside of you."

Melanie gave a quiet sigh as she walked back over to the sofa and sat down. Layton quickly shifted few inches so she didn't end up sitting on one of his legs.

"Layton," she asked after a few moments, "what's wrong with me?"

Layton turned to her. "There's nothing wrong with you, Melanie. I don't understand why you think ther..."

Melanie stopped him suddenly. "You said you trusted me?"

"With my life." He repeated.

Melanie stared back at him. "Then why don't I trust you?"

Layton almost answered her as he had before, but this time stop himself as Audrey's words came back to him.

"Maybe because in order to survive the craziness this world has become, we all built up defenses, Melanie. And all of them are different." He replied. "Do you remember when I was in the medical car? When I got sick and they put me in the drawers?"

Melanie nodded slightly.

"You told them about my Kronole use the first years I was on the train."

Melanie gave another slight nod.

"That was MY defense, Melanie. It helped me get through some very rough times. For years. My defense was a physical one. I turned to a drug. Now, because of that, do you hate me? Or think less of me as a person overall?"

Melanie frowned at him in the dim light of the bedroom. "Of course not. You did what you had to to survive. And you told me yourself you eventually saw it wasn't going to lead you anywhere good and you stopped. You found a new purpose. And look at where it's gotten you."

"You're not so different from me, Melanie. You've been through a lot in seven years. More than most people could have ever even imagined and survived. In order to do that, you...just built up certain defenses. My defense was a drug. Yours is more of a psychological one. You built up a wall. And walls, especially ones you've been working on for seven years, don't just come down overnight. It takes time."

"How much time?"

Layton sighed quietly. "You saw what happened when they gave me Kronole in the drawers. My body instantly reacted to it, even though I haven't touched that stuff in years."

"So you never get past it?"

"Sometimes we don't." He replied in a quiet, disheartened sounding voice.

Melanie turned back to the floor with a forlorn look. But Layton wasn't about to let her crawl back inside herself. Reaching out, he slowly turned her back to look at him.

"Hey," he repeated gently, "there's nothing 'wrong' with you, Melanie."

Despite his words, a forlorn look remained.

Layton decided to try another approach. "Do you know what a relationship is? It's two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. Now, do you hate me because of my Kronole issue?"

Melanie firmly shook her head.

"And I don't hate you because of your trust issues. It's just part of who you are, and I accept that part along with everything else that makes you who you are. Because I happen to like that person...a lot."

Melanie remained silent still.

Layton sighed as he watched her expression. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you. Sometimes you're lack of trust gets on my nerves. Some days I just want to scream at you 'What more is it going to take for you to trust me?'. But then I remember what you've been through. And lady, I think so far you've come a long way with your issues."

Melanie turned back to face the floor in front of her. But Layton could tell she at least was listening to him.

"Melanie, it'll take time. Don't keep beating yourself up over it. Maybe you never trust me. Maybe you never trust anyone ever again. I'm OK with that."

Her voice gained a little more force this time. "Well, I'm not."

Layton found he liked her determination on the subject. "Then we'll just keep working on it." He told her. "But for now, I know a whole group of apprentices who would consider it a personal early Christmas present if their instructor showed up in that engine room today."

Melanie managed a small smile for him, the finally nodded as he took her hand. But as he started to stand, Melanie pulled back on his hand.

Turning to her, fully expecting to have to continue to coax her to go with him, Melanie surprised him by asking him a question instead.

"You asked me what happened to that strong, intelligent, confident woman." She said.

Layton paused for a moment, "So what happened to her?" He asked.

"Just so you know, she's still here. And she's trying with everything she still has in her to protect the closest thing she has ever had to a real friend on this train." Melanie replied quietly. "Because she desperately doesn't want to lose him."

Layton stared back at her in stunned silence for several seconds. But finally he got to his feet, ignoring the pain his body screamed at him as he helped her up. But instead of directing her to the door of the cabin, he pulled her to him, wrapping himself about her smaller frame.

"Lady, you're never going to lose me. I thought you knew that by now." He said as he pulled back with a small smile. "You're stuck with me...right to the end. And every night I am coming back to this cabin, I'm going to fill you in on every boring aspect of my day over dinner, then I am going to slide into that toasty little slice of heaven, stealing all the pillows I can, curl up next to my favorite heating unit, and go to sleep, while looking forward to doing it all over again the next day. So you'd better just get used to that routine."

Melanie smiled back at him, then nodded slightly. "I like that routine." She replied.

Layton gave her a quick nod. "Good. Now lets go see what interesting new song Javi taught your apprentices last night."