Chapter 35 - Facing Down What Divides Us Part VI
Despite her excitement over the day's events, Melanie still insisted on going to the engine room after they finished eating.
While not liking the idea, Layton agreed, but managed to get her to agree to wait until the early afternoon. He told her if they left right then, they'd simply arrive in the middle of the apprentices lunch time anyway.
As they finally headed for the engine room, Melanie had strictly told him she didn't want him saying anything to her apprentices about the morning's events. But as soon as they arrived, Melanie found herself besieged by her students, all of them excitedly offering her congratulations amid their excitement at the news.
Layton managed to get close enough to whisper in her ear, "I swear I won't say a word."
Melanie didn't have time to offer her own brand of reply as she suddenly found herself picked up and spun about as Bennett, who then quickly set her back on the floor as he tightly hugged her, offering his own congratulations in the form of a kiss that got loud whistles from her students.
Melanie didn't bother asking how they had found out. One of the things she found dramatically improved after the accident was her hearing. But it wasn't just that she seemed to hear sounds better, but she could distinguish them with a great deal more accuracy. One such sound was a voice she had heard several times in the past few days while she was teaching the apprentices. A soft spoken voice that centered on one particular apprentice. The two met each day just outside the main engine room, where they would sit and have lunch together. A female voice she knew fairly well.
Rosa Castillio.
Melanie figured Rosa had already met with her usually lunch time date and spilled the news.
But she wasted no time in getting them all back in line. She quickly confirmed the news in her usually no nonsense tone and then immediately directed the rest of the afternoon back to their lessons.
As early evening rolled around, Layton was the one who finally called a halt to the day's class, reminding Melanie that while she might not mind teaching a class all night, her apprentices might have other things to do.
A chorus of protests rose up from the apprentices, staunchly denying his assumption while trying to get their teacher to stay longer.
"Fine." Layton finally answered them, directing Melanie out of the room as he turned back to the other apprentices. "YOU might not have anything else to do. But I do. It's called sleep. Go get acquainted with it once in a while."
The door quickly slid shut behind them as Layton cautiously hurried Melanie along the corridor.
"Quick, before they become a rioting mob and drag you back in there." He told her.
Melanie laughed softly as she hung onto his arm for guidance. "They're just eager to learn." She told him. "They all understand how important it is that they get trained as quickly as possible. That they're learning is vital to the survival of the train."
"Well, they should know by now they'd learn better if they slept more. I swear, every day we've gone there the whole horde is already in attendance, looking like they slept there."
"They DO." Melanie reminded him. "They were assigned to my former cabin along with several other open cabin bunks when they were accepted into the apprenticeship program. Bennett wanted them all to be close by so they could do night shifts in addition to their classes. He says it's providing a more realistic training program for them. So a few of them probably didn't sleep the night before."
"Well, I clearly remember one of Dr, Castillio's instructions being a PROPER night's sleep. That means at least 8 hours. So lets go."
Layton was already beginning to quickly realize more benefits to her possibly regaining her sight beyond just the obvious. Mostly, she was a great deal more compliant with things they usually argued over. That morning he had managed to get her to eat a fairly decent amount of food at the restaurant by simply reminding her of Dr. Castillio's emphasis on how important to her recovery it was that she eat properly. She also ate a good lunch that afternoon. And when they got back to the cabin that evening, he hadn't had to coax her one bit to have a second helping of his casserole. She also agreeably took every medication Dr. Castillio had prescribed without first questioning each ones specific purpose.
He also gave her all the encouragement he could to help keep that spark of hope alive in her. At the table that night, after he had fixed their meal and set it on the table, he had allowed her to take off her bandages a little early.
As she took them off, he quickly shut off the lights in the cabin and set a single candle on the counter in the kitchen. Far enough away that it wouldn't be a glaring light to her, but close enough that it still illuminated the area in a soft, dim glow.
"So, how is that?" He had asked her. "Too bright?"
Melanie's stare immediately found the small glowing wick of the candle, a smile instantly coming to her features as she watched it.
"It's beautiful." She whispered as she focused on the tiny light.
"So what do you see?" He asked, getting her to begin to work on identifying things within the new scope of her evolving vision.
Melanie quickly looked around the room, but eventually settled her gaze across the table from herself.
"You." She finally replied. "I can see you. Although," she added with a teasing smile, "you're kind of just a big blur blocking the candle light right now."
Layton returned the smile, then tapped her plate with his fork. "All right. Time to face the real music." He added. "Dig in and tell me what you think."
Two platefuls later, Layton was ushering her off to bed, telling her it was already late and she had a full day of teaching tomorrow. Although she gave a small, half-hearted derisive grumble at the order, she allowed him to pull her up from her chair and direct her off to the bedroom.
By the time he had finished clearing the table and cleaning up, Melanie was already in bed, snuggled down under the covers. Her eyes were closed, but he wasn't sure if that was because she was asleep or she was keeping them closed against the light coming into the room from outside.
But as soon as he sat down on his side of the bed, she shifted slightly as she turned to him.
"Do I get read to tonight?" She asked.
One of the things he had started over the past several nights since she had started teaching him, as a way to reciprocate in some small way, was that he had started reading to her each night. He would occasionally read to her on nights when she complained she couldn't sleep. But since the accident he had started it on a regular basis. At first she had seemed to barely acknowledge the offering as always, laying on her side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. But over the past few nights he had noted she would adjust her position in the bed as he started reading, curling up a little closer to him as she focused on his voice. And to him, as in the past, it did seem to help her sleep. He usually read for about a half hour each night. But when he would stop and checked on her, he noted she was always sound asleep, usually curled up closer to him for warmth.
"Of course." Layton replied, crawling in on his side of the bed as he reached over to the nightstand for the book. "But I thought you hated this book?"
Melanie readjusted herself in the bed as she scooted a little closer over to his side. "Since you started reading it to me, it's actually started to get more interesting."
"I think since the accident you've just been bored out of your mind in bed at night."
" I have plenty of books on my laptop I could listen to all night long if I wanted to."
"True, but what's better?" He asked. "A three hour dissertation on the Fibonacci sequence, or the next book in the Douglas Adams series?"
A hand swatted him on the torso. "Just read." Melanie told him.
Rolling over onto his back, Layton began the next chapter.
After several minutes, Melanie scooted a little more across the bed, her body giving a small shiver as she cuddled up closer to his body warmth.
Layton paused in his reading for a minute. "Better now?" He asked with a small smile.
"Warmer." Came the contented sigh.
With her now apparently completely settled in, Layton turned back to the book and began to read again.
When he finished the chapter, expecting her to be sound asleep, he resigned himself that he was going to have to be sharing his side of the bed that night, as moving her he akinned to moving a large brick that didn't usually want to be moved. But after he put the book down and shut off the light, a soft voice spoke up in the darkness.
"Is that it?" She asked.
Layton turned to her. "I thought you would be asleep by now." He said softly. "Do you want another chapter?"
Melanie shook her head as she pulled back a little, resettling herself closer back to her side of the bed. "You have to get up early, too. One chapter a night is enough."
Layton pulled the blankets up around her a bit more. "Then it's past your bedtime, Ms. Cavill."
"Not tired." Came the soft but firm answer.
Layton gave a half-serious sigh. "You want a glass of water? Or better, maybe a glass of booze?"
For a few moments all he got in reply was silence.
"Make your choice." He finally prompted her. "Since I'm only getting out of this bed once."
Melanie paused for a few more seconds before answering him.
"I want to play a game."
Since there was only one game they ever played, he didn't have to ask which one.
"All right." He finally agreed. Not that he would have refused the request anyway. Out of all the things Ms. Audrey had ever tried to impress upon him about his enigmatic roommate, on one item she seemed to be spot on. Melanie was no good with her emotions. Either by choice, experience, or genetics, the woman just seemed to be in many ways unable to deal with other people on that one specific level.
But between them, she seemed to have found the perfect way around that issue in a simple game he had taught her.
Secrets.
Usually they played the game just for fun. It was a way to get to know each other. And as much as she may not have seen it, he felt it was doing so much more.
She had told him just days before she didn't trust him. The statement had actually drawn a smile from him that she hadn't been able to see. Even though she spoke the words, and even if she didn't acknowledge it to herself, he knew she was lying. Or at the very least was being harder on herself than she should be. Because even if she didn't see it in herself, on some level she was starting to trust him. Every time they played the game, it was an acknowledgement of that fact. Since the sole purpose of the game was to truthfully answer whatever question the other person put to you, and believe that they wouldn't betray that confidence. And in the past few months they had been living together, Layton had put some hard questions to her, both past and present, and she had answered each one as honestly as she could for him.
There were only two questions he had never broached with her, since just from a solid feeling he got from her, they were ultimately off limits.
One might have seemed to others a bit odd, but he knew for sure at that point in their relationship he was never to ask it of her: What did you break? During one of their more volatile fights before they had started sharing the cabin, she had thrown him out of her living quarters. But after the door had closed behind him, she had thrown something at the door. Standing in the corridor, he had heard it shatter as it hit the other side of the door. At first he had been amused at her over the top display of a temper. But as the weeks wore on, his curiosity would start to take hold of what the object had been based mostly on her refusal to talk about it. But each time he backed down, deciding it was best to let that dog lie for a while longer.
The other regarded her daughter in a round about way. She had admitted that she had had a child, who had lived on her family farm with her grandparents. He knew that although she had made plans to bring her on the train, the child had not made it onboard before they departed seven long years ago. But that was all she had ever told him about the child. Past that one conversation, she had, in fact, never mentioned her again. Even Bennett had warned him off the subject, telling him Melanie simply never discussed that part of her life, not even with him.
But Layton often wondered about the girl. Melanie had never even called her by name, or told him her age, or any other details about her. But if she had a child, the child had to have had a father as well. Who was he? How had they met? Was he her husband?
Layton struggled with a smile, trying to imagine her married. She just didn't seem the type to him. As he had envisioned her from the moment he started to really get to know her; she was a loner. Her parents and her child seemed to be the only strong, personal connections she had ever had in her life.
But Melanie had seemed to have found a different use for the game. Whenever something was bothering her, she needed to get something off her chest, or there was some issue between them she simply felt she had exhausted every other known avenue to resolve without a solution, this was her last resort. She also liked the game for a lot of the same reasons Layton did. It was a way for them to get to know each other.
The rules were simple enough. Whoever suggested the game always got to go first. The asker was allowed one question per round. Once the question was asked, you were done, and no prying any deeper was allowed once the question was answered.
When he had first suggested the game, Layton had never wanted it to intimidate her or make her feel trapped in any way. He wanted her to enjoy the game and have fun with it. So he added a safety rule for her. A player could refuse to answer a question, but they had to give a reason, and the other person was allowed to accept the reason or not.
The rule was also another key point he built into the game to help them build on the fragile relationship. Though not very often, she had on occasion refused to answer a question. And he had never not accepted her reasons. In turn, he had also at times refused to answer certain questions about himself, and she had reciprocated by accepting his reasons as well.
But tonight he didn't get the feeling the game was going to be for fun. She had purposefully stayed awake during the story, waiting for him to finish reading that night. So tonight she had something on her mind, and this was her way of approaching it.
"You were the one who suggested it, so you go first." He told her.
"It a bit long." She warned him in a soft, cautious voice.
Layton glanced at the clock. "Well, we don't have to be up until 7 to greet the apprentice horde. So that still gives you a few hours."
Melanie gave him a small smile from her side of the bed.
"Come on then." He said when she hesitated. "The suspense is driving me nuts over here."
Melanie gave a soft sigh before she began.
"I'm sick of the white elephant in our cabin, Layton." She began. "And I feel that maybe this is the way to try and banish it once and for all."
Layton returned a serious look as he rolled over on his side to face her. "I'm all for anything that can do that." He agreed. He didn't even remotely need to ask her what 'the white elephant' was.
"You have to answer with the truth." She reminded him firmly. "No matter what."
"Those are the rules."
Melanie sighed quietly before turning back to him. Although he was little more than a large blur in front of her, she was grateful to at least be able to see that much again.
"Is the only reason you stopped my execution was because I am useful to you?"
He could hear the hurt in her voice so clearly it cut right to his heart. She still believed what Ruth had told her.
Layton echoed her sigh as he repositioned himself in the bed, resting now with his arm tucked under his head as he faced her. He wasn't going to answer her question without giving it a few moments thought first. He wanted this settled between them once and for all as well, and she had found the near perfect avenue for that. And he wasn't about to let the opportunity go to waste.
"I'll answer your question." He finally said. "But I want you to hear all of the answer, all right? Because that isn't by any means a simple question."
Melanie nodded slightly.
Layton sighed again quietly. "I have never lied to you about what I said to Ruth. I did tell her that the only reason I wouldn't let her execute you was because you were useful to the train. Mostly...I just wanted to get her off my back. At that time I was frustrated every single day. Nothing seemed to be going right. I was still having to come to you almost daily for help running this train. And yes, I was angry about that. Not at you, but at myself. I saw it as my failing the train."
"You weren't failing." Melanie quietly whispered to him, hating to see how much he was putting on himself and hearing so clearly the feeling of failure in his voice. "You were trying. It takes time. I wasn't so great at it when I first took over the train either. But like you. I had help. Bennett helped me hold it all together on the days when I felt like it was all falling apart. But even people who didn't know the truth were helping me. Audrey was my sounding board. Roche was helping me keep order. Boki kept the Breachmen in line. Even Ruth helped. She took a large part of the weight of having to be Hospitality off of me. And the more I gave her to do, the more she liked it."
"Somehow I can easily imagine that of her." Layton put in.
"The point is, I had a lot of help from a lot of people."
He gave her a small smile. "Except for me."
Melanie returned the smile. "Except for you."
"Well, I still felt like I was failing." Layton went on. "And to a point, you weren't helping me feel better about it or myself. Yes, when I came to you, you would give me advice. But it always felt...like someone was standing behind you with a cattle prod to get it out."
"Facing you wasn't the easiest thing for me either." Melanie said softly. "Every time you came to me...I felt like I was looking into the face of my own failure again and again."
"So it wasn't easy for either of us." Layton agreed. "But I knew the train needed you, and so I had to make it work between us."
"And the train also needed you, so I wasn't going to abandon you."
"The problem with what Ruth told you," Layton continued, going back to his answer, "was that she wasn't a part of 'us'. A few weeks after I took over the train, and just after my talk with Ruth, we started to share the cabin. And believe me, I was as uncertain about that as you were. But by doing so, I got to know you. Not just as the person who led this train for nearly seven long years." Layton paused for a moment as he reached over and carefully tucked a stray strand of hair back behind her ear. "I got to know you as the mother...who lost a child. As the person who had so carefully planned for her family's future...and never got to see it realized. As a teacher..., who has a crazy hoard in the engine room that's absolutely nuts about her. As an engineer who coddles her engine way too much. As someone who cares about her friends more than herself. And as a person who truly loves with her whole heart. You once called yourself a monster." Layton slowly shook his head. "Nothing could be further from the truth in describing you, Ms. Cavill."
Melanie gave him a small smile past the tears in her eyes that reflected the dim light in the room.
"So," Layton went on, "did I mean what I initially said to Ruth? Some part of me probably did, and I'm not very proud of that. Do I still mean it?" Layton gave her a small smile in return as he slowly shook his head. "Absolutely not. And to anyone stupid enough to try and hurt you, I will personally make the introductions to my conversation axe. And I will keep right on standing by your side until we're both warming our toes in the sand on a beach somewhere."
Layton watched as her lips parted slightly as though she was about to say something. But instead she slowly let them curve into a slight smile as she gave a small nod. "Bennett always wants to go to Tahiti."
"Bad news." Layton replied. "This train doesn't go to Tahiti, lady."
Melanie gave him a genuine laugh as she quickly wiped tears out of her eyes.
"My turn." Layton reminded her.
Melanie had started to roll over to her side, but paused, as though suddenly remembering the game was still in play and it was, indeed, his turn.
"All right." She said as she rolled back over, trying to shake off her previous mood as she faced him down. "Ask."
"You have to tell the truth." He reminded her.
Melanie nodded in response.
Layton stared back at her for a moment. "Do you believe me?" He asked in a quiet voice.
Melanie opened her mouth again to reply. But once more she closed it. Though this time she gave him a serious, somber look.
"Yes." She replied in the same soft voice. "I believe you."
Layton returned her smile this time. "So, can we send our white elephant off to live with Ruth now?"
Melanie gave him a questioning frown. "What's Ruth going to do with it?"
Layton gave a small laugh as he rolled over onto his back in the bed. "I'm sure she'll find it a good home somewhere."