TW : suicidal attempt, substance abuse, eating disord, slight violence (there is a fight scene, that I find more funny than anything else).
When they first met
When Neji met Naruto
There were five days left until the wedding, and Neji still had not sorted out his best man's speech.
For the thousandth time since Naruto had asked him, Neji had cursed the Uchiha man for not being able to do it himself. And for the thousandth time since he had cursed Sasuke, Neji had scolded himself for his lack of empathy towards his onyx-haired friend.
Naruto had first proposed to Hinata back in mid-September. Neji and Tenten had exchanged a look when the couple announced it officially to their whole group of friends.
Tenten had raised her eyebrows as if to mock him. 'Are you ok with that?'
And Neji had shrugged. 'Whatever,' his eyes seemed to reply.
Then everyone's eyes had been on him, anxiously waiting for his reaction.
"Congratulations." He finally said with a soft smile, and everyone relaxed a little bit more, the joy contagiously bursting within the group.
Naruto ran to Neji to hug a very uncomfortable Hyuga. "We're now really going to be brothers!" The blond exclaimed loudly in his ears.
Neji must have had a horrified look because his friends laughed at the affectionate exchange.
If Sasuke had been honoured to be Naruto's best man at first, it quickly became too much for him. Between his return to school after his year off, the start of his relationship with Sakura and trying to compose with his family, Sasuke found it difficult to also help Naruto organize his wedding. And the idea of not being there for his best friend, the way he should have, broke his heart and impeded him from sharing his emotional state.
It was actually Neji who noticed Sasuke changing state. He ate less, lost a lot of weight, kept biting his nails, sometimes to the blood, and seemed more irritable than usual. At first, Neji had been worried that Sasuke had started consuming drugs again because those were usually the tell-tale signs of his past withdrawal episodes. So he took him apart to talk about it.
"Sasuke," Neji started without preamble as soon as they were safely in his room, out of anyone's hearing range. "Have you been retaking drugs?"
Sasuke, who had been fidgeting and biting down on his nail, looked up swiftly and insulted at Neji's insinuation. "Of course not." He snapped.
Neji raised a brow over his crossed arms. "Then what's up?"
Sasuke grunted.
"Sasuke," Neji sighed. "Either we talk it out, or I'm taking you to the clinic. So spit it out."
The dark-eyed man threw his friend a nasty glare.
"Is it your parents?" Neji asked softly.
Sasuke looked wordlessly at his friends, and he shook his head. No, things were going better since they had started family therapy. There was still a long way to go, but it was slowly improving.
Neji sighed at the stubbornness of his friend. "Just so you know," He massaged the back of his neck, unsure of how to proceed. "Just so you know, we all care about you."
Neji trailed to assess Sasuke's abashed reaction.
"It's not just Naruto." Neji threw a last look at the conflicted boy. "So if there's something we can do, you have to tell us."
He walked out of Sasuke's room only to stop and turn around after said boy called his name.
"Neji, wait." He took a pause. "I'm not consuming anything." He started by reassuring his friend.
Neji slowly nodded.
"It's just…" Sasuke trailed, fidgeting with his fingers in-between his legs, looking at the grey and black rug under his feet. "It's a lot." He finally let out.
"Last year, when I was in rehab and then at my folks', I was kind of in a bubble from the outside world. Now I'm trying to adapt back to it. But with school, continuing to go to my therapy and group meetings and starting to go out with Sakura, I..."
Sasuke frowned, trying to find the right words.
"It's Naruto's wedding, isn't it?" Neji supplied.
"Yes." Sasuke sighed in relief that his friend understood without him having to voice it. "I really want to be there for him, and it annoys me that I can't. The stress of forgetting to do something or possibly be the cause of his wedding not being perfect is driving me insane. I want to do right by him, he's my best friend, and he saved me and…"
"And you cannot be his best man." Neji finished for him, sitting down next to him.
Sasuke threw him a guilty glance. "I'm too unstable yet to endorse other responsibilities. Even if it's just keeping some rings safe and throwing him a bachelor party."
Neji clapped a hand over his friend's back. "Don't worry, Naruto will understand."
He paused before adding: "All you should worry about is getting better because you'll obviously become the godfather of whatever hyperactive offspring they'll produce."
Sasuke and Neji laughed at the idea of a mini naruto running around. And truth be told, this kind of gave another reason for Sasuke to hold on to life, the idea that one day he could protect and love a little life his best friend brought on this earth.
After a talk with the boys, Naruto had asked Neji who was closest to him with Shikamaru. Shikamaru being already Choji's best man for his wedding that would precede Naruto's by three weeks, it was decided that the lazy boy could probably not handle two grooms simultaneously.
Also, Naruto really liked the idea of his kind-of brother-in-law being his best man, and even if Neji had rolled his eyes and pretended to be annoyed, deep down, he was very fond of the blond boy and honoured to endorse this role. Moreover, with his organizational skills, Neji was - like Naruto put it - sure to excel at this best man stuff.
And excel he did, until Naruto reminded him he had to write a speech for his wedding.
Now Neji was an eloquent speaker. Convincing CEOs to merge? Easy peasy. Winning shareholders over? You bet. Swaying a negotiation to his advantage? In his sleep.
But emotional, corny, affectionate speech? Hard pass.
Though through all of the difficulties being Naruto's best man brought, among other things, having to convince the blonde that an orange tuxedo would be terrible form indeed for his wedding, Neji would have done it all over again out of love for both Naruto and Sasuke.
Sasuke really did not have it easy in the past few years.
It was widely known through their group of friends that Sasuke's parents had been extremely hard and controlling of their prodigy sons. It was also no secret for any of his close friends that his drug dependence started with him taking psychostimulants when he was in high school to keep up with the growing demands of his parents, whose love was only conditional to their children's successes.
Not only did they expect their sons to have perfect grades, but they also demanded they already foster significant leadership roles from a young age. This meant excelling in sports, being first in class, winning presidency elections and obtaining every medal and scholarship possible.
The Uchihas were just as much old money as the Hyugas were in Konoha. But if the Hyugas were a renowned family and tech giant, the Uchihas were invested in political and executive powers of the city, their influence on how Konoha was run going back centuries ago. Sasuke's father had been chief of police for decades and his mother a senate member for as much as long. Not only that, but he came from a long line of highly successful and influential military ancestors whose portraits and hundreds of medals and commemorations lay in a special pavilion of Konoha's Museum History, graciously donated by the Uchihas.
It was expected of Sasuke to continue this tradition of powerful Uchihas. Thus, being as much the prodigy Itachi was, Sasuke had met each of the high standards of his parents. Yet, the ever-growing success of his older brother added a strain and extra pressure on the younger Uchiha sibling that Itachi hadn't had to live with. If it started with amphetamines in high school to keep up the grades and extracurriculars, it quickly grew to other drugs and alcohol when he entered college.
Neji could only relate to a certain extent with the Uchiha boy. Even as pressured into excellence by both his father and uncle, they had always shown him unconditional love and, when push came to shove, they always favoured their children's wellbeing over success. Even his authoritative and demanding uncle had never reached the level of Fugaku Uchiha when it came to high expectations.
At least his uncle had seen the wrong in his ways when Hinata had been fourteen years old, still struggling with her speech impediment and bullying. Hiashi had always thought all Hinata's soft personality needed was his tough love. It was actually her uncle who first noticed her shifting eating behaviour and alarmingly decreasing weight.
It was when they had to admit her to an eating disorder rehabilitation facility that Hiashi, wrought by sorrow and guilt, vowed to do better by their children and started his own psychotherapy to mend the intergenerational trauma he was unconsciously recreating on their kids.
All in all, Neji had it easier. Sasuke's parents hadn't even noticed his increasing performance anxiety when he entered college, to the point Sasuke could wake up at night to vomit from stress and ruminations. They hadn't even noticed when he started doing cocaine or coming to class drunk. They hadn't noticed his newfound questionable frequentations from Oto.
How could they have? Because all they cared about were the grades and accomplishments, and through all his screw-ups, Sasuke never let it affect his much-prized performance.
They hadn't noticed his depression and how his performance anxiety became so unbearable, he had thought of ending his life. Thankfully, Naruto and Sakura did. They had been hovering over him during their undergraduate studies, mostly when he started hanging out with those guys from Oto. Sasuke had invited them once to Neji's nineteenth birthday party. Needless to say, the group of friends didn't appreciate Sasuke's new acquaintances much.
Neji had even gotten into a fight with that Kidomaru guy after he had talked so grossly and crudely about Tenten. To Neji's defence, he did try to calm his nerves at first and focused on Fu lovingly stroking his arm and the drink in his hand. He even kept his murders intent in check when he started going into details about how she would possibly look naked, laughing crassly with his group of friends. And fought against every screaming instinct to ram him into a wall when he started insinuating that Tenten was totally all over him and had given him her number - which Neji knew to be a blatant lie and not only because he had kept a close watch of her all night, but mostly because he knew her.
But he was at his limit when the guy's friend, Tayuya, if he remembered Sasuke's presentation of his new friends correctly, started saying the brunette was probably an easy slut anyway and that it did not surprise her. Fu had noticed how he had stiffened and clenched his jaw and tried as much as possible to distract him, which did not work at all. He tried reminding himself that it would be very impolite to ruin the party his girlfriend had organized for him over the girl he should not be loving being insulted by a bunch of random losers.
"Man," Kidomaru continued. "If that other guy had not taken her upstairs, I would probably have had my way with her. She was so out of it anyway." He snickered, taking another swig of his beer.
At that point, the long-haired boy felt he had no other choice than to drag Kidomaru's ass to the backyard and beat it to a pulp. There was simply nothing and no one that could have stopped him from reconfiguring his face. Though, to Neji's annoyance, that kid did know how to throw some nasty punches back, and his hot-blooded friends did not hesitate to intervene when Neji started to have the upper hand.
To everyone's greatest surprise, it was the ever so gentle and peaceful Choji who had Neji's back when Kidomaru's friend, Jirobo, came rushing at him from the back.
This soon resulted in an all-out brawl in the Hyuga's backyard with Hinata's shrieks - and weirdly, What's new Scooby-Doo playing on the speakers?- as a soundtrack. Kiba and Akamaru had teamed up against the weird white-haired twins of the group who came rushing to help their friends. Neji mentally noted to treat Akamaru to some prime rib-eye steak afterwards.
And when the redhead in their group came rushing to their defence, it was Ino who reacted first and gave her earrings to a Hinata amid a mental breakdown, because ain't no way she could clean all of the mess they were making by the time her father and uncle came back home.
"I've been waiting all night to beat this bitch," Ino cracked her knuckles, blowing a strand of her platinum blonde hair away. "And maybe give her some fucking fashion advice."
To Neji's utter surprise, Ino gave the nastiest punch he had seen that night to the red-haired girl who had called her friend a slut - and unbeknownst to Neji at the time, had also called Sai a retarded emo weirdo because he couldn't handle the overstimulation of the party and had to retreat to the basement.
All the while the blond was pinning the other girl down, she criticized the other on her choice of clothing.
"Fishnets and strap belts? So 2008." Ino rolled her eyes. "Just like your slut-shaming." She spat, avoiding a punch and pulling harder on the handful of hair she had gripped. "Also, bangs? Seriously, don't cut them yourself." Ino bashed Tayuya's head against the ground.
"And next time you want to insult someone with autism," Ino snarled, keeping the redhead firmly pressed against grass and mud. "Make sure his girlfriend is not utterly mad in the head psychobitch."
"It's ok, Ino." Her boyfriend, Sai, had tried to calm her down. "She's not -uff- worth it." He was out of breath as he tried to stir his girlfriend away by the waist while she was still pulling and scratching at the screaming and cussing girl beneath her.
"And that's on high-quality acrylic nails, bitch!" Ino yelled as she scratched the girl again.
Neji had to remind himself as he threw the final punch that knocked Kidomaru out that he would buy Ino her favourite purple nail polish as thanks. It was also probably why he let her have a funfest over his head the following years when she annoyed him to no end about his therapy needs. Every time she would start yapping about his repressed feelings, he would mentally picture the punch she had thrown that night, and he would find inner peace instantly.
All the while, during this mayhem, onlookers had gathered up in a circle around the fighting group. Naruto and Sakura had been with Sasuke, who had been vomiting in the bathroom. The pair had wanted to confront their childhood friend on his changing behaviour but had stopped when they saw his state. When they heard the commotion from the garden, Naruto left Sakura to nurse a vomiting Sasuke while he went downstairs to check his friends.
"So much for being of the Great Uchiha line, huh?" Sasuke mocked, wiping the last bit of vomit from the corner of his mouth.
"Sasuke," Sakura murmured, eyes sculpted by worry and fear. Sasuke's heart wrenched at the sight of the tears she tried to swallow back on his behalf.
"You deserve so much better." He whispered, not meeting her eyes when she bent down on the cold bathroom tiles to wrap her arms around him.
Sakura had tried to hide her raging emotions inside to not add this to the pile of guilt and self-hate he imposed himself. She sat down on the floor, her back against the wall. She pulled him in between her legs, and his head rested at the nook of her neck. Her arms tightened around him when his shoulders started shaking, and his sobs resonated against her breaking heart.
"I'm never going to be enough." It was the only thing Sakura had understood in all the incoherent things he had mumbled.
"You're more than enough, Sasuke." She whispered in his ears. "To me," She added, softly brushing his hair with her fingers. "You're perfect."
She was not sure he heard her because his breathing evened out shortly after. Only when she was sure he had fallen asleep did Sakura allow her own tears to fall. Desperate and powerless at seeing the man she loved most destroy himself so. The pair was entirely oblivious to the chaos happening downstairs, just like their brunette friend, who was peacefully sleeping two rooms down the hallway.
But everyone present in that unbelievable fight agreed, years later, that the highlight of this moment was Hinata.
When Naruto came down to see what the fuss was about, he was absolutely taken aback by the sight in front of him.
Is Neji punching someone? Naruto thought flabbergasted. And Choji too!? Good boy Akamaru is biting down the leg of one of them. Ino definitely has anger issues. And… Why is What's New Scooby-Doo playing?
Once over his shock, like the impulsive kid he was, Naruto jumped into the fight, trying to separate people.
"N-Naruto-k-kun!"
He heard the warning of Hinata too late because once he looked up, he could only see the punch Kimimaro had thrown in his direction, quickly followed by the crying pain erupting on his cheekbone when the guy's fist had crashed on his face.
"NARUTO-KUN!" He heard Hinata yell, but he was sprawled on his back, completely knocked out.
Still dizzied by the punch, the blonde slowly raised his head, his vision blurry, his head pounding with the loud music.
Na na na na na na na na what's new scooby doo
"Na … na … na… doo…" Naruto repeated, almost drooling and completely out of it.
So it was with great surprise and confusion that he saw an angry Hinata leap over him, holding a… garden metal torch?
At this point, time seemed to slow down. Ino stopped bashing Tayuya's head in the grass. Neji halted mid-punch, holding Kidomaru by the throat. Choji looked up from the headlock he had Jirobo in, and even Kiba and Akamaru stopped shouting/barking at the twins. Everyone, including Naruto, who was still on his ass, stopped what they were doing and looked at Hinata, who had jumped over the blonde, shouting what one could only call a very intimidating war cry.
Then she took a full swing, rotating her upper body like she had learned during her golf lessons and swinging the metal torch like a baseball bat per her uncle's teachings when she was younger. When Hinata hit the guy who had just punched Naruto square in the jaw, a collective 'OH' erupted through the crowd.
The hit had been so powerful, Kimimaro's head jerked back, and his body soon followed suit. Later, when everyone gossiped about this unprecedented event, people could swear they also saw one of his teeth flying away amid the saliva he had spit at the impact of the torch.
The whole backyard turned silent as Naruto watched awestruck this literal war goddess who had fought for him. Hinata's shoulder was slouching, and she was panting while she looked down on the boy she just knocked out cold.
"Nobody hurts Naruto-Kun." She whispered fiercely, torch still in hands.
Kimimaro's friends decided to call it quits so they could pick him up and run away before one of the onlookers decided to call the cops.
When Shikamaru came back later, after Ino had called him, he could not believe Hinata had beat down one of them and for once he regretted not having been up to see something. Though, he had no trouble believing Ino had knocked the daylights out of the redhead girl.
"That girl has been beating my ass since we were four; trust me, I know she can pack a mean punch." Shikamaru yawned, still frustrated by this night and the fact he got woken up at 5AM, after successfully sleeping for only two hours, to an angry Ino telling him he needed to pick her up because she couldn't go home in her state. And indeed, Shikamaru, upon seeing her blackened eye, had to reluctantly agree she was right.
Neji, holding ice to his jaw, nodded to his statement, then, embarrassed, added: "I'm sorry for earlier. For when you helped Tenten up and..."
Shikamaru clapped his hand on his shoulder, smiling. "If you're really sorry, you'll help me shut Ino up and get her in the car without a fuss."
As they dragged a still fuming Ino, they passed in front of Naruto sitting on the living room couch, Hinata by his side, holding a pack of frozen peas on his cheekbone. The shy girl was very hardly focusing on her rapidly beating heart because at that moment, her fingers were brushing Naruto's over the frozen sack of peas.
"Err, thanks for having my back Hinata-chan." Naruto smiled sheepishly, and Hinata's heart caught in her throat as it did anytime Naruto smiled or talked to her.
She nodded, feeling her cheeks hot.
"But you didn't have to do that." Naruto continued, looking down at his lap. "You shouldn't put yourself in danger because of me."
Hinata frowned and swiftly took her hand away from the bag she was holding with Naruto. "Of course, I'm going to defend you!" She shouted.
Naruto was taken aback by the vehemence of her voice. "Wh-why?" He asked, feeling undeserving of someone risking themselves because of him.
"Be-because." Hinata cleared her throat, wringing her fingers on her lap. "B-because, I l-like you. V-very much."
She didn't give him the time to respond before she abruptly got up. "I have to clean up before my dad and uncle come back."
As she ran out of the room, she could feel her cheeks burning up to a thousand degrees.
Did I just confess? She had screamed internally, busying herself by filling a garbage bag with the beer cans littered on the kitchen counter.
Did Hinata just say she liked me? Naruto thought bemused but then quickly shook his head, which was a terrible idea considering the throbbing headache he had. No, impossible. What could a girl like her want to do with an ADHD Outkast like me? She probably meant she cared for me like a friend, being gentle and kind as she is.
Sasuke's second year was made of many ups and downs, and the more the year went, the more Sasuke spent less time with them and more with his friends from Oto, much to Naruto's and Sakura's worry.
The third year in university had been so bad that Naruto, who shared his dorm room with him, barely slept at night trying to listen to the slightest shift in Sasuke's bed that could signal he would try to leave his room at night like he often did to find his Oto friends and get high with them. It had gotten to the point where one night, after finals were over, Naruto had woken up at 3AM to an empty bed and had run in the campus streets looking for his friend. He finally spotted his silhouette on top of the Harashima Physics Building and sprinted up the stairs until he reached the roof to drag his friend away from the edge and tackle him to the grounds.
"Are you insane?" Naruto shouted to his friend, worry slowly transforming in rage at what could have been.
"Leave me alone," Sasuke grunted, pushing Naruto off of him.
"Have you thought about what it would do to us?" Naruto roared in the empty night. "About what it would do to Sakura?" He added more calmly.
Sasuke's fists clenched. "You can't understand Naruto."
They had their worst fight that night, which turned physical as Naruto had attempted to impede Sasuke from running away. But come morning, defeated, Naruto watched helplessly as he filled a bag of a few belongings and left the house to go God knows where.
After three days without any news from his friend, Naruto called on Itachi and finally unpacked everything that had worried him about Sasuke in the last five years, from his performance anxiety to his substance abuse. What Itachi thought of it Naruto would never know because all he said to him was :
"I'll find where he is, but it'll have to be you that go get him. He won't come back if it's me."
Naruto couldn't be sure, but deep down, he wondered if it wasn't guilt that ever so slightly wavered the older brother's voice. The sort of guilt you have when you feel you should have known.
And true to his words, Itachi had texted him an address in Oto a few hours later. How he did it, Naruto would never know. He suspected he had asked some of his well-placed friends for a favour. For all intent and purposes, to anyone that had asked him how he found Sasuke, Naruto would say:
"Oh, I found a way to locate his phone."
Sakura had come with him to the city but had waited in the hotel room when he forbade her to follow him in the raggedy storehouse that had seen better days and where a raging rave was culminating in the middle of the night.
And it's after a couple of hours of unsuccessful search that he went to a secluded spot, trying to gather his spirits back from the overwhelming stimulation of noise and lights, that he saw a familiar shoe protruding from a room at the end of the hallway.
Naruto will never find the words in his lifetime to express how icy his blood felt when he saw the lifeless form of his best friend, who looked like he had overdosed on some unknown substance that lay beside him.
It was weird how mechanical everything became. Even Naruto's breathing felt like a conscious movement. He was numb, and he felt sluggish in his actions, as one would during a nightmare where one tried to run without being able to advance.
He could only function one step at a time because panic and complete breakdown were only a breath away.
Naruto was an eggshell containing a tsunami. If he so breathed the wrong way, everything would collapse, and he would lose himself in hysteria. That meant not being able to save Sasuke. So he only allowed his mind to think of the next step ahead instead of looking at the big picture.
Take the phone from pockets.
Dial emergency number.
Explain the situation and give the address.
Listen to the lady on the phone.
"Are his airways blocked?"
"No."
"Lift his chin up to tilt his head backwards. This will help."
"Ok."
"Put your hands on his shoulder and behind his knee, and pull him toward you so he can lay on the side. Are you good?"
NO!
"Yes."
"Good. Keep the knee on top bent at 90 degrees, and let it rest on the floor. Do the same thing with his arm that is on top. This will stabilize his position."
"Ok."
"Can you check his breathing again?"
"Yes."
"Is it shallow?"
"Yes."
"Does he respond to your voice when you call him out?"
"N-no."
Repeat and keep the voice from breaking.
"No."
"Are his lips blue?"
"A-a little b-bit."
"Do you feel a pulse?"
"I d-don't k-know. I-I...I-I… fuck, f-fuck...I don't… wait! Wait! Y-yes, Yes! It's there, but it's very faint."
Try not to cry.
Try not to cry.
Try not to cry.
Assist paramedics.
Stay out of their way.
Go in the ambulance with them.
Try not to shake.
Watch as they continue their first response acts.
If Sasuke has an oxygen mask on, it is because he is still breathing. Right?
Keep breathing. Keep breathing.
Don't lose it now.
What do I tell his parents if he doesn't…? What about Sakura!?
Don't lose it now!
Watch his vitals on the monitor screen.
See his stretcher being rolled down the hallway.
Emergency unit doctor.
"21 male, BP of a hundred over 50." The paramedic told the doctor who put her stethoscope on the rolling body of his friend. "Pulse at one-twenty. Respiration at 10. Saturation at 78. Seven on the Glasgow scale. Possible intoxication with narcotics. We found benzo pills by his side. His friend does not know how many he took."
The doctor nodded, putting her stethoscope back around her neck. "God, he is so young." She whispered while lifting his eyelid and swinging a little flashlight over his eyes. Turning her head to the nurse swiftly walking next to her. "Zero point four milligrams of naloxone intramuscular stat. Put him on oximetry and assisted ventilation. Prep the gastric irrigation tray and page the intensivist on guard."
"Mister, Mister."
Naruto looked down at the petit nurse who had stopped him in this track.
"We'll need you to please wait outside. I'll come to give you news as soon as we know more."
Nod numbly.
Sit down in a small empty waiting room.
Stop shaking.
Stop shaking.
Call Itachi.
Call Sakura.
Tell the others.
Wait.
Sakura came from the hotel in a record time and had taken it upon herself to harass every health professional she could get her hands on to gather news and updates. Naruto sat still, looking at the emptiness in front of him. He barely looked up when Sasuke's parents came running, crying, his big brother in tow, eyes red and puffy. He gave them the little information they had gnawed. Being his immediate family, they were brought to see him as soon as his condition stabilized.
His first friends to have joined were Tenten and Temari, who had just moved to Konoha, with Shikamaru following soon after he had parked the car. They checked up on him and Sakura, but he was too numb to register anything. He was still an eggshell and a tsunami ready to burst.
But Sakura needed him.
Sasuke needed him.
Everyone else needed him to stay calm and collected.
Then Ino came rushing in with Sai just behind her, and they ran to see Sakura.
Naruto wanted to call his parents. He wanted to be a little kid again that could be soothed in their loving embrace. But he couldn't even find it in him to do so.
Then Neji and Hinata came. And she was the first one to rush to him first. She knelt down to see his face that he deposed on his hands, elbows on his knees.
"Naruto." She whispered, teary-eyed.
"It's ok," He managed out, mouth dry. "I'm ok. Go comfort Sakura."
Instead of getting up and seeking her pink-haired friend like he thought she would, Hinata took his face in her hands, her nose a couple of inches from him.
"No, you're not." She whispered, looking straight at him.
Try not to cry.
Try not to cry.
Try not to -
"But you will be." She finished, wrapping her arms around him.
And in her lovely embrace, the eggshell cracked. Because he was not running to save anyone, the danger was not imminent anymore.
He was safe. With her, he was saved.
Sakura may need him.
Sasuke may need him.
Everybody else may need him.
But he needed Hinata. The quiet driving force that had always been a mere murmur away, lending him her hand whenever he didn't realize he had needed one.
And as her arms tightened around him, he let his head rest on her shoulders. He was all tsunami now. Crying, tears falling freely, sobbing, heaving, whimpering. He was scared, terrified, angry, overwhelmed, dizzied by how, against it all, he was so lucky. Lucky to have found him just in time.
He was all tsunami, raging and crashing at the shores of her love, and she took it all.
Through the depths of his angst, something shone through: awe. An admiration for the woman who unflinchingly, soothingly, firmly rooted, absorbed all his pain.
It occurred to Naruto, Hinata may as well be the strongest and most resilient person he had ever known. And as his arms tightened her against him and he breathed her in, he promised himself one thing.
If he were ever so lucky that she would accept it, he would never ever let go of her.
And lucky for him, the moment he voiced his feelings for her, she took his hands, thinking the same thing.
If he allows me to, I shall never ever let go of Naruto's hands.
Which led to the preparation of their wedding a year and a half later. It was February 2019, four days before their big day, and Neji still had to finish his damned speech.
He heard laughter coming from behind him and the front door closing. His frustration instantly dropped while he slowly turned on his desk chair to see her drop her backpack on the floor and take her blouse and jeans off.
"Still working on that speech of yours?" She asked, changing into the pyjamas he got her for thanksgiving.
Not that he minded seeing her walking around in his shirt, quite the other way, but since November, she had been coming every day to his place, and he thought she'd be more comfortable if she had one or two PJs lying around when she came over.
He had even given her the keys to the place for when he finished his internship with his uncle after his classes. It has also been widely noticed that he spent a significant amount of time in his flat: to the speculative amusement of the guys at the frat house, the assumptive mind of Hanabi and the questioning eyes of his father and uncle.
Neji grunted as an answer to her obvious question, and Tenten laughed again.
"That's bad, huh?" She smiled, and his heart warmed.
He didn't reply, too busy running his lust-hazed eyes all over her exposed skin. When he had offered her the piece of clothing, she had giggled at his fancy choice.
"Silk?" She had raised an amused brow at him, the silk cami and shorts dangling on her extended index.
He had shrugged in return. Was there really any other material one should wear to bed? The Hyugas would argue the negative. Moreover, he always thought light blue suited her so well, he couldn't resist.
"So," Her voice brought him back to the present, his eyes set on hers as she walked towards him in that feline strut she didn't seem aware she possessed. "What do you have so far?"
She lightly brushed his hair with her fingers and burst out laughing, tilting her head backwards when she realized he had nothing but half a sentence.
The first time I met Naruto, I
"Oh, Neji." She smiled teasingly at him.
He growled a bit before pulling her down on his lap, fastening her against him with his arms snuggly tied around her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He rested his head on her chest, closing his eyes, relinquishing all his senses in favour of his olfactive one.
He could never tire of her scent. No matter what perfume she wore, she always seemed to smell the same in the end: a bit salty like the sea, a bit fruity like a peach and a tad floral jasmine blooming in the night. He breathed her in, allowing his stress to fade under each note of her bewitching smell.
Tenten set her chin on top of his head and sighed contently. In these moments, when they talked casually, and he was simply affectionate, without any lust to it, Tenten could have a glimpse of what they could become.
Whenever he hugged her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder, watching her make tea and commenting on something he had just read, his fingers absentmindedly rubbing little circles at her navel. Or whenever, after a night of torrid intercourses, they'd lay exhausted in each other's arms to talk until the first sun rays lit the room with an orange glow. Or whenever after a Saturday of fooling around on and off in the bed, they'd settle back, with take-out and talk about their week.
Whenever those little pockets of peace and warmth and cozy intimacy came without them noticing, Tenten could almost believe in what they had. They had a chance to be like Hinata and Naruto, honest, in love, uncomplicatedly belonging to each other.
"Wait," She said, a smile in her voice. "I have an idea." She snatched the pen he had abandoned on his desk upon hearing her enter.
Neji opened his eyes to see her bend over his desk, scribbling something, and he pulled her back in his lap when she was done. He eyed the first sentence she completed on his behalf and couldn't help the smirk stretching his lips.
When I first met Naruto, I was a complete asshole.
He raised an admonishing brow towards her but couldn't hide the amusement on his face. He turned her around so she could face him, bringing each of her legs around him. He pressed her hips down to his, their tattoos rubbing against each other through the clothes.
"Oh," He challenged with his stare. "Is that so?"
Tenten proudly nodded, grinning, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "Sometimes, you just have to cut the chase."
He threw her a hungry look with a seemingly innocent smile, and Tenten knew she was in trouble. He slid his hands under her cami, going straight to where she was the most sensitive, and she couldn't prevent the moan that escaped her throat. Before she knew it, he got up, lifting her, so she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.
He captured her lips, and she laughed in delight.
Tenten drew back from the kiss to give him a cheeky smile. "And just what do you think you're doing?"
He smirked back. "Cutting to the chase."
"Why, Mr. Hyuga," She whispered seductively, bringing her face closer to him until their noses were touching. I'd say you're quite insatiable." She teased before kissing him.
He landed her gently on the bed, taking his shirt off before crawling over her.
"Why, Ms. Maito," He whispered huskily, lowering himself down on his forearms, his hair curtaining both their faces. "I'd say you're quite irresistible."
She laughed again until his lips descended down her throat and then lower and lower until humour was soon far from her mind.
The first time I met Naruto, I was a complete asshole.
And for those who know what kind of brat I was when I was fourteen years old, you'll know how much Naruto did not have it easy being in the same class as me. Of all the people who gave Naruto a hard time in high school, I was probably the worst.
To Naruto's credit, even when everyone underestimated him, he was always the biggest person, always the forgiving one. He never held against me any of the insults or snarky remarks I threw his way and always reacted with disbelieving compassion. Dealing with ADHD and dyslexia as a kid would have probably made school difficult for anyone else. But not Naruto.
He was always hopeful, optimistic. He always tried even when his wrong answers would cause everyone to laugh at him. He always worked harder than anyone else, even when he pretended he didn't care that he finished last or tried to hide his own insecurities behind his incessant jokes to make the class laugh with him instead of at his expense.
And even though I was not kind to him, he always continued to be kind to me. Until that one day, I said something pretty mean to my cousin in a hallway that I thought to be empty.
I told her: "Hinata, you're a loser. You'll always be a loser. That's just your fate."
And before I knew it, I had this blond kid who barely knew Hinata, punching me so hard in the jaw that Hinata had to catch me so my head wouldn't hit the ground. He then gave me this monologue on why my screwed-up idea of fate was illogical and that I should know better as a genius.
Well, sometimes a punch square in the jaw is all you need to get your bearings together. And not only had it been a crucial turning point in my life, but it was also the day I gained one of my closest friends.
And I'm telling you all this now because, well, first, I get to have redemption knowing my assholeness was the reason Naruto and Hinata finally got to meet - over my dislocated jaw and rushing me to the school's infirmary.
But also because it has to be noted that while they denied having romantic feelings for one another, they certainly took at heart each other's welfare enough to punch a couple guys in the process of finding each other. And anyone present at my nineteen birthday knows which other guy I am referring to.
Dear uncle, you have wondered for years what had happened to that metal torch that you found strangely bent in the garden. Well, let me tell you, it served a noble purpose of love and devotion.
Because even though if it took Hinata and Naruto years to finally find each other, they had always deeply cared for each other, always watching each other and dedicating themselves to one another.
It is the most heartwarming thing when your dear friend finds the woman of his dreams, mostly when he is the most caring, devoted, sacrificing person you have ever met and could wish him nothing but the absolute best. So it is even more beautiful when he found the absolute best in a woman who you know happens to be the purest, most kind-hearted and gentlest soul on this planet.
And I couldn't be more glad to know this blessed union grants me a brother in law that has been a brother to me for the past decade or so.
So here is to a tale of love as true as can be, that continues to inspire us all,
To Naruto and Hinata.
Neji sighed satisfyingly at the speech he had just finished writing. True, Tenten had helped a lot, mainly for the more gushy parts and the self-deprecating ones, which, let's be honest, was not really Neji's cup of tea. He often forgot how good at that stuff she was. She had been rocking her maid of honour duties will such ease and efficiency.
This wasn't necessarily the best speech on earth, but Neji thought it did the job quite passably and would probably be enough to floor Naruto, who was so easily moved anyway.
That big-hearted idiot. Neji thought fondly.
Sure, this speech didn't put him in his best light. But he kind of deserved it. He had been so cruel to Hinata when they were younger. In a way, he had been angry at the whole world, after the passing of his mother. Although he had blamed Hinata a bit more. He always thought she was indirectly the reason his mom died. If his father hadn't had to go pick her up from school because she was sick, he might have gotten in just in time to...
He yawned, and his gaze shifted back on the sleeping form of Tenten.
He shut the light off and headed to bed, rejoicing when his arms closed around her, relishing in her warmth, her silky skin and the little sleepy noise she made whenever he held her tighter to him. He nuzzled his fact at the pit of her neck and let her scent guide him to a realm of dreams.
It was the morning of Naruto's bachelor and Hinata's bachelorette, and thus the day just before their wedding, that Tenten came by his apartment to tell him what he had feared to hear since they made their entanglement a repetitive occurrence.
He could tell by the way she didn't come to see him the night before. How she stored her keys in his drawer, which she never did. With the way, she looked like she had cried all night. How she lingered at the entryway.
"So this is the end." He stated for her.
She nodded, biting her lips, trying to stop her chin from trembling and her tears from spilling, grateful he had said what she didn't have the strength to speak.
"I wish it hadn't come to that." She said, her voice full of sorrow. "I wish we didn't need to."
He nodded, slowly walking to her. He slid a hand behind her neck, and she looked up at him, the tears brimming at eyes like weapons aimed at his heart. He pressed his forehead against her.
"You're not going to like what I'll say." Tenten managed through her constricting throat. "But Ino is right, Neji."
He chuckled. Obviously, he wouldn't like anything that started with the words 'Ino is right.'
"You need to go to therapy." She continued. "You need to talk about Fu and her death. And you also need to talk about her."
Neji froze. Lifting his head, looking incredulously at her. Could she know? Did she understand? What he had only ever guessed at?
Of course, it's Tenten. A voice at the back of his mind rang.
True, Tenten knew everything about him and could guess pretty much everything else she couldn't know. But this...even his family hadn't known or even been suspicious of it. As if to clear away his doubts, she pursued more evidently:
"You need to talk about your mother, Neji." She said, her eyes serious and pleading. "I want us to work. I want us to work so badly. But not like this. I want all of you and not half of a relationship. And we both know you can't give yourself and me that if you don't confront demons of your past."
Neji was still unmoving, swallowing his thick saliva with difficulty. He slowly nodded at her. The past months with her were undoubtedly the best of his life, and he wished nothing more than to give her and grant himself the relationship she deserved. Something unrestrained, and deep, and meaningful, with a future and no barriers between them.
"I'm not going to wait for you," Tenten said slowly, barely audibly, her resolve faltering under his scrutinizing eyes. "I can't wait for you to come around. I have to put myself first." She followed with a more assertive tone. "If I find someone else who is committed to loving me and that I love enough, I'll say yes. But…" She trailed, biting her bottom lip.
"I'll always be yours, Neji." She said softly, her loving gaze encompassing his heartbroken one. "And I hope you can find me before someone else does."
Neji's throat was too wound up for him to speak, so he just held her tighter against him while she cried against his shirt. He probably would have too, if he only remembered how. He had not cried since he was six.
"Please find me." She croaked against his chest.
Powerless, he nodded.
"I will." He managed through the pain before capturing her lips in a last goodbye kiss.
Naruto's bachelor party went as well as one could hope for. Through all the soirée, Neji had kept his game face on quite well, and he was happy to see Naruto enjoying himself so much. On the other hand, Kiba was thoroughly disappointed because he had fully expected strippers and booze. Naruto absolutely forbade Neji to include both in his bachelor party, the former because of Hinata and the latter to help Sasuke through his sobering process of almost two years free of alcohol and drugs.
And it was with great joy that Neji planned the perfect bachelor party without both those things since he felt that a more relaxed evening would be more enjoyable, thinking their wilder days were behind them and that they were ready for other sorts of fun.
He knew Naruto was a kid at heart, so it was not difficult to please him. They had started with a party bus that contained a little bar inside where he hired a mixologist who made them mocktails all night, and Neji thought all of his pennies well invested just seeing his stoic friends Shikamaru and Sasuke, fancily sipping on extravagant virgin daiquiris and other coloured beverages.
The first part of the evening consisted of a Ramen Stands Hopping, where they went from ramen shop to ramen shop, eating, well, ramen. By the third shop, pretty much everyone except Naruto started ordering some other meals. Naruto still went strong with his fifteenth bowl of ramen of the evening to the last and tenth shop while his mates were about to throw up noodles from their noses.
"This is the best bachelor party ever!" The exuberant blond had yelled through the roof of the party bus, his virgin pina colada in hand.
Then Neji had rented a cinema room just for the group of boys so they could watch Naruto's favourite ninja movie and fulfill his long-held wish of being to talk as much and as loudly in a movie theatre as possible.
After that, Neji had reserved a candy store that Naruto and Lee had completely ravaged, each going out with 32 customized chocolate tablets.
It was probably not a good idea to follow that with a game of night paintball, as both Lee and Naruto ended up vomiting all the candy they had devoured a few minutes ago.
So it was really a good thing the last stop on their bucket list was the top of the mountain where they used to hang out as teenage boys and talk about dreams and girls and school and girls. He had planned a light picnic with tea and other little snacks so they could end the night by talking and watching the sun rising on the city that watched them grow.
"Aaahhh," Naruto sighed happily. "This was the best night ever. Thank you, Neji."
"It's nothing," Neji said. "I just organized it. Most of the ideas came from Sasuke, actually."
The dark-haired man gave a small smile to both his friends.
"Thank you." Naruto gave him a heartfelt smile because he knew how much this meant to Sasuke to partake in the organization. "You didn't have to. Your health is what matters most to me. But, I'm glad you did, though."
Sasuke rolled his eyes but couldn't help the stretch of his smile.
"So," Naruto started, looking at Neji. "Now that the bachelor party is officially done, can you stop pretending and tell us what's wrong?"
"I couldn't possibly know what you mean," Neji assured.
Shikamaru yawned. "Oh, cut it out, Neji. Better spill it, or Naruto will miss his wedding trying to make you say it."
"Yeah!" Naruto quickly followed. "And also, like, we all know you and Tenten have been… ah… uhm.." The blonde paused, trying to find the correct words.
"Entangled?" Sasuke offered.
Neji stiffened, eyes slightly widening.
"Wait, what?" Kiba asked, completely shocked.
"Ok, fine, everyone knew except Kiba, it seems." Shikamaru corrected.
"Where was I?" Kiba asked, still not over his shock.
"Probably too busy with that veterinary school girlfriend of yours," Naruto muttered.
Kiba pondered it for a second. "Meh, fair enough." After all, he had been glued to her every second of every day, so yeah, it made sense.
"Wait, you knew?" Neji asked, trying to cover up his initial surprise.
Sasuke nodded.
"Hanabi heard you guys…" Naruto trailed. "Well, you know what you guys did… in the shower, no less." Naruto raised a brow.
"Saucy," Sasuke commented.
"And she told Hinata," Naruto continued. "Who told Ino and Sakura. And Ino told Sai, who told us."
Every muscle in Neji crisped. Ino knowing anything about his private life could only result in disaster and a new list of therapists she was sure to recommend to him.
"At the same time," Shikamaru followed suit. "Your parents had heard you in her bedroom - her bedroom, really Neji? - who told Lee, who told Gaara, who told Temari who told me."
Neji facepalmed. There was really no secret that could be kept within their circle of friends, was there?
Then it hit Neji. "Wait, what?" He asked, shocked. "Her parents knew?"
"Oh yeah." Naruto grinned.
If Gai knew, that only meant that his best friends also knew, and his best friends meant…
"Yeah, we're pretty sure your father and uncle knew about it." Naruto offered an apologetic look, guessing where Neji's mind was taking him.
"We just don't know if it came from Hanabi or Gai." Sasuke shrugged.
"Probably Gai," Shikamaru sighed. "Hanabi would probably prefer death than talking about sex with her dad."
Neji shook his head at the overload of information. "So why did no one say anything?" He asked, perplexed.
"Well, Ino wanted to…" Shikamaru started. "But we convinced her to shut her mouth."
"Yeah," Sasuke said. "Everything is so complicated between the two of you. We thought the slightest intervention from us might screw everything up."
Well, they were not wrong, and Neji knew it.
"So, what happened?" Naruto asked again, and Neji gave them a brief summary, omitting the part of what Tenten said about his need to talk about his mother.
"Since we're already asking you awkward questions and forcing you to open up," Shikamaru began. "What did Fu's letter to you say?"
Neji threw him a stern glare.
Shikamaru sighed. "See, that's why we never engage with you."
"You know very well I never received a letter." Neji spat, ice in his voice.
Shikamaru immediately sat up. "What!?" Then he brought his hands to his face, mustering his most exasperated voice: "Don't tell me you had never opened your duffle bag since her funeral."
"I have never opened that duffle bag since her funeral," Neji replied flatly. He remembered how at first he had wanted to, but then decided to wait a few days for his emotions to calm down. But every time he only just glanced at it, he could feel panic surging through him and would delay opening it until another time. The first following years, he had resisted the urge to just throw it away without opening it because of how painful it was to just see it sit at the corner of his room. Then, decided against it, and let it cumulate dust in a far corner of his closet. Out of sight, out of mind. Right?
Well, that is until now.
Shikamaru groaned. "Fu gave her letter for you to Tenten for whatever reason she thought that was a good idea. But when she couldn't deliver it to you," He threw his friend a pointed look. "She asked me to do it myself, but you were so drunk by the time I found you that I put the letters in your bag for you to find them in the morning."
Neji felt like vomiting. That's what Tenten had been trying to tell him at Fu's funeral? If he felt guilty before, now the weight of the guilt was so crushing, Neji could barely breathe, and his hands felt numb like he had needles in them.
"Except," Shikamaru continued. "I had no idea you would never open that bag, and we…" He threw a look around. "We never mentioned it because we thought you weren't ready to talk about it."
The pale-eyed man could feel the beginning of a panic attack as the silence settled loudly on the group of boys. Thankfully, Naruto jumped to his feet and proclaimed :
"To the party bus! Last stop, Neji's place!"
And here they were, in his room at Hyuga Mansion, looking warily at the duffle bag that had not been opened for almost three years. Neji had deposed it on the floor of his bedroom, and the men had assembled around it.
Finally, after long moments of hesitation, Neji opened the bag, revealing the hidden letter.
He took the envelope in his hand and scrutinized it carefully.
Surprisingly it was Naruto who had proposed they all leave and let Neji to his own devices.
After everybody agreed, slowly filtering out of the room, each giving a light squeeze on their friend's shoulder before exiting. Naruto lingered at the door frame before turning around.
"You know what I said when we were kids about your obsession with fate?" Naruto asked him softly. "Well, I retract it a little bit. Sometimes, things are meant to happen, you know? Like maybe you and Tenten needed to find your own ways before you could find your path together.
"All I know is that, in the grand scheme of things, five years is nothing compared to the rest of your life with the one you love. Take it from the guy who lost more than a decade pining on a girl who did not like him back, only to realize the one he truly loved had been there all along. And if I get to marry Hinata and have my happy ending, I'm sure you do too."
Neji looked up, smiling at his friend.
"I'll see you at the wedding," Naruto murmured softly before closing the door.
Neji's eyes went back to the letter between his hands.
To Neji Hyuga, #1 Boyfriend
Neji now understood why he was not among her friends one to a hundred, she had a unique title for him, and he couldn't stop the small smile he had.
With shaking hands, he tore the top of the envelope and unfolded the letter.
Dear Neji,
You'll forgive me if I asked Tenten to deliver this letter herself. I'd like to right the wrong I have committed by doing so.
Neji had to stop reading there, bile rising to his throat. It dawned on him how much he had screwed up. Now, all he wanted was to call her and apologize all over again.
Furthermore, this was too much for him when today was supposed to be all about Naruto and Hinata. So he got up and folded the letter and tucked it back again in its envelope and stored it in his tuxedo.
I will read it after the wedding. He assured himself.
Yes, after the wedding. He convinced himself.
A/N:
So here is the letter, it finally arrived, haha! I promise we get to read it next chapter. Chapter 7 (kankuro meets Neji part 1&2) and Chapter 8 (Neji meets naruto part 1&2) took me much more time to write and ended up being way longer than I expected them to be. It was really important for me to develop some of the side characters' stories because it's through the different meets that the story is woven.
I don't know if you have noticed, .but each chapter is like a chain: When A meets B. When B meets C. When C meets D. I thought it was cute because it shows that sometimes it also takes a village for two people to get together.
Can you guess what the next chapter's name will be?
Also, I'm a slow-burn type of write. I hope I'm not torturing you too much! And I've been trying to readapt some of the Narutoverse events to an AU one like Hinata jumping in a fight for Naruto, or the Neji/Naruto fight, or even the Sasuke retrieval. The fight scene in this chapter was super funny for me to write, like I can just imagine Ino if she had been with Shikamaru against Tayuya, she would have lost her shit and it would have been hilarious.
Finally, I think it shows I wrote this story at the end of my psychiatry rotation because of how many mental health issues it addresses. But I was struck about how prevalent some of these could be, and I think I tried to showcase this a bit in the story.
If you or anyone you know is in a difficult situation, you should not hesitate to call the adequate resources in your country and see a health professional about this.
Take care, everyone!
(And please review, it's so encouraging to receive feedback!)