6 years earlier...
The train is the definition of luxury. It is the essence of the capital. District 4 is nice, but this is another level. The poorer districts must be even more in shock than I am. It seemed to go on forever. Compartment after compartment. Entering what seems to be the main one, my eyes widen, taking in the plush furniture scattered around. Squared away and covered in what looks like the softest material in existence. Wooden furniture, intricately carved and a slab of shiny stone rested in the middle of the room. Food covered the surface. Some of it I had never seen before, but I recognized the salmon, the lobster, a delicacy, and some bread so the rest had to be food too. There is a bar in the corner. Most sailors have some form of drink, but the options seem endless. They span the entire compartment length.
It must be where Finnick got the amber liquid he swirls in his glass. He sits with Mags on a loveseat, his foot resting on his knee looking like he belongs in luxury. He talks in a hushed voice to Mags and waves his hands around. She nods, agreeing with whatever he was saying, and Harvey clears his throat rather aggressively, trying to notify them that we were there. With a wave from Mag's arms signaling to the surrounding chairs we each take a seat. Finnick is still talking, barely even addressing that we were there.
They are still talking when Iggy, our escort, bursts into the room. He was graced in a giant purple fur coat matching his hair, a harsh plum color. It's teased and pulled into a complicated knot that must have taken 3 hours minimum. The doors slam open and he stalks in saying, "Welcome darlings, to life in the capital, it's all yours to enjoy for the rest of your life".
Uttering under my breath, "yeah, for however long that is". A roll of my eyes leads to me making contact with sea green ones. An unanswered question lingers in his eyes. It's the first time he has addressed me or Harvey. He wasn't meant to hear that so quickly dart my eyes to Iggy to see if he heard me too. Thankfully, he remains unaware and continues chattering on.
He fills the silence for a good long while talking about meaningless things, idle gossip, and jabbering about who made what, and how the furniture is all custom and designer. Finnick and Mags seem content to listen to the useless patter, but as Iggy continues to talk in his outrageous capital accent, I get more and more irritated.
I turn to Mags, a shock I think to everyone, "How do I survive?". I sound a lot more sure in myself than I truly feel. I trust Mags a lot more than Finnick in keeping me alive. After all, she coached through 3/4 victors that came from District 4 and has far more experience. One of them sitting next to her with amusement dancing in his eyes.
Before she can answer my question Harvey scoffs and asks "What makes you so sure you'll win?
"Because. You volunteered hoping for glory. I'm fighting with everything to lose. Your motivation is far weaker than mine"
Uncrossing his legs Finnick responds, "Well, it's good that we don't have to teach you that the games have already begun". He continues shifting his weight forward into his legs, elbows resting against his legs. His eyes are locked with mine, "You want advice?"
"Become who they want you to be". Become who they want you to be?
It is that first moment that always plays in my head whenever I am on this train. I didn't understand what he meant at first. Now, years later I frequently play the part that's asked of me.
After so many trips back and forth from the capital, I'm frequently a passenger on the train. I know where everything is down to the last throw pillow. That knowledge doesn't necessarily give me comfort, in fact, the last thing I would describe myself as is comfortable. Merely routine. After all, this train always brings me to the capital, where my puppet master pulls my strings far more tightly. The capital has eyes everywhere, and my schedule is always jammed full of parties to go and capitalites to satisfy. Even when mentoring, especially when mentoring. They tend to push more boundaries because they know the victors want to save the children they mentor. The only thing there that I can appreciate is seeing her fellow victors.
Currently is occupying a start white plush seat resting against its side with her feet curled up. Mags is across from her. She wanted to mentor us, refused to let Finnick and I go back into the arena without her help. I am grateful, she is the most experienced in distinct 4 in mentoring tributes, and brought most of us home. Caspian is her partner this year. He is currently drunk and hiding in his room. I doubt he'll be any help. Ever since the Quarter Quell announcement he has been a recluse, wasting away.
Most victors have gone to ways since that announcement: wasted away or started training. Romeo, Finnick, and I have been training together once a day since that day. Romeo would have been far more helpful as a mentor. I wish he would have had his name drawn. It would be far easier and less stressful having him in the arena and Finnick as a mentor. While I trust Finnick with my life, his death would hurt. It would hurt far more than any death by a victor. It would hurt as much as Montane's did, albeit different.
Finnick is located in an adjacent chair that is a weird texture, probably some sort of animal. Silence hung like a heavy fog with the Peacekeepers in the room. They just finished escorting us to the train. No goodbye's, but I had expected this year's games would be different than any other. I had a moment with my father and little Ridley this morning before the reaping. My father offered little words, as usual. A warm hug and a silent moment, similar to first reaping. It hurts to remember all the goodbyes I've had in that Justice Building. Montane and Ma. I remember both very clearly…
Ma rushes in quicker than I have ever seen her move. I press my head into her shoulder. I can smell the flowery soap she used this morning. The smell never really lasts with all the work she does on the doc, but it is a smell I think I will only ever associate with her. When she releases me Ridley barrels into me, almost knocking me over. He is still quite young. I don't even know if he remembers when we said goodbye to Montane two years ago in this very same room. He was only 4 then. Ridley doesn't appear to be leaving my arms anytime soon so my father comes close. Wrapping loose arms around me he just sets his forehead to mine. We stay there for a moment. Just breathing. My breath is shaky. I am trying my hardest to not break down. I don't want this to be our last moment together.
Ma breaks the silence, "Ria…"
She trails off. She breaks down into sobs. I know she thinks this is the last time we will see each other. My dad runs his hands down her arm trying to calm her down.
He turns to me and says, "Try your best to make it home to us. We'll be waiting for you". It is simply put. To the point.
Ridley looks up and my chest aches when he asks me, "You'll be back right? Not like Monty right?"
"I don't know," I say sadly. I do not want to make the promise I'll be back. I don't want the last thing I say to him to be a lie. I crouch down so we are at eye level with each other.
Seafoam blue eyes connect to his green ones, "I know that I will try my hardest to come back home to you". He looks a little confused at that. But nods anyway. I pull him in for another hug and stand back up.
The Peacekeepers are back and start to rush them out. Ma pauses at the door, turns, and says, "I trust in you. If you can't make it back, I know Monty is waiting for you. Just know you won't be alone, no matter what".
It's almost funny that she thought we would never see each other again. We didn't, but that was because I came home, and she didn't. The sea took her away. Away to Monty. At least they are together, wherever they are. Ma was never the same afterward anyway. A small part of me thinks that for me to come back she had to go.
It's even funnier because I never really came back anyways. No one does. 24 kids die each year, not 23. t's hilarious that the capital thinks otherwise.
Before I can relive Monty's goodbye the doors snap me out of my head. The peacekeepers left. It only takes a quick moment for the train to lurch forward and begin the journey to the end.
Mags starts up, "obviously I have no need to ask if you would like to be allies, so let's see if you want anymore. She turns on the large screen occupying the corner of the compartment. The arena will be hard enough, I just hope it won't be harder by certain names being drawn.
Cashmere's name is called for 1. Already off to a bad start. While not necessarily as close to her as I am to Johanna, we both go to the same parties, practically sharing a schedule while in the Capital. The comradery to her is the closest. We probably understand each other the most out of all the tributes. When Gloss' name is called my heart drops. A sharp exhale pulled from my chest. While not romantically involved, we have a close relationship. One that few people know about. I can't kill him, but we can't be allies, I know for certain they will ally with two, and two is the most likely to have volunteers
Brutus and Ennobaria will be a problem. Brutus volunteering, practically leaping at the chance to kill again, and Enobaria with her fangs.
Wiress and Beetee from 3, while not particularly threatening, hurt. They were always kind when they spoke and I have only ever had a pleasant interaction with the two of them. Johanna also gets chosen. She will be an ally for sure. She's my best friend other than Finnick. Cecilia, Chaff, and Seeder are called forward. Seeing them tear Cecilia from her children was awful. Then the star-crossed lovers come forward. Curious. Maybe potential allies? I'll have to discuss it with Finnick.
Before it could be shut off I heard the announcer say the head game master. Leaves me with even more questions. Plutarch. Now there is a name. An interesting meeting with him last month. He came as a client of Snow's and brought some interesting information to light. Information I haven't told anyone. Not even Finnick. I thought I had more time.
With the tv off I turn to Finnick, but before I could say anything he had already responded to my unasked question, "We will ally with Johanna, you don't even need to ask"
A smile and we continue. We start debating over the pros and cons of merging with the Career pack, the two from 12, even Chaff and Seeder. Once that was over we went over weaknesses. After a couple of hours, Mags heads off, tired, and saying she wants to rest now, as she will get no sleep this next week. She'll be busy getting us sponsors. Finnick and I will probably have to end up contacting some people we know have money. I just hope they don't 'request' some things in exchange. Probably a lost cause.
Finnick gets up from his chair and sinks into mine. I shift so I am laying against him and not the armrest. My head falls to his shoulder without conscious thought. The move is automatic at this point.
"You and me Mo."
"You and me"