Izuku Midoriya
Frigid flames singed Midoriya's chest as he promptly worked to conjure up a believable lie. "What message?" He bit his lip at his hasty response.
Todoroki shook his head and tightened his grip around Midoriya. "I remember it exactly… 'I love you, Sho. I love you so much. I'm so grateful for you. I'm so happy that I've had the honor of being with you. Soon, I have a surprise for you. I really think it's for the best. Hopefully you like it, Sho. But if it doesn't work out, then I'm really sorry, and thank you so much for everything.' This message, Izuku. What 'surprise' are you talking about?" His voice had hardened, attaining a new ferocity to its natural radiance.
Midoriya felt like he was suffocating. His heart was slamming against his chest, and hot, swishing emotion was poured through his veins as he attempted to speak. Even his stomach seemed to have been squeezed and crinkled into a snarl.
I have to lie, Midoriya realized, but he gritted his teeth at the thought of spinning more lies. I knew I should've phrased it better. See, you're always doing something wrong. Wrong, all wrong… But I'm too ashamed and afraid to say how I really feel. And, well, I don't want to be even more of a bother than I already am. I already waste enough of his time. He's just too nice to tell me that he hates it when I vent to him.
"Look, I-I wanted you to try hot soba, but I know you don't like h—"
Todoroki's chest twitched as he inhaled slowly. "Then why…" He paused for a moment before uttering with ragged, trembling conviction, "I'm not unhappy with you about this, but it does concern me, Izuku…that you have scars on your wrists." The silence which ensued was like a noose coiling around Midoriya's neck as the air became thick with awkward, heated silence. "I've known about this for a little while, but I didn't want to bring it up when you've been so busy and stressed. I'm not saying the scars made me think you're…looking for a way out, but they've made me even more aware of your behaviors. Izuku, I know it's hard to talk about, and I can't force you to say anything, but please tell me the truth. I would be beyond devastated if I lost you."
Midoriya felt as though his tongue had turned to ash. "I-I… Shouto, it's not like that…" Hoarse and frail, his voice flaked off into fragments.
"Then what is it like? I know what… I know you don't want to worry me, but I will never not worry if I have so many reasons to suspect that you don't want to be here anymore. That you feel miserable on the inside and won't show that. That you're planning on committing suicide." Todoroki's austere voice had finally wavered at his penultimate word.
He knows. He picked up on so much. All this time, he's been worried about me because I've been too pathetic to tell him the truth. Izuku, you need to tell him. But how do I say that I…just want to die? How do I say that when I failed to say goodbye? You're hurting him by keeping to yourself. There's no point in hiding it anymore. He'll think you don't trust him. That you don't really love him. Tell him, Izuku. Here lies the lies. Just tell him the truth. It'll get easier. C'mon, say something!
"I'm sorry… I-I don't know how to say it," Midoriya finally whispered. "I don't even know what's normal and what's not anymore. I'm…so confused. I don't even know how I really feel anymore. What's going on? What's wrong with me? Wh-Why am I like this?" His voice began to splinter again as he hugged Todoroki fast. "I'm just…really tired. Tired of work, tired of not being enough, tired of it all. I've done so much, but more and more just keeps piling up. Looking at it as a whole is too much, a-and I break down from seeing it all. And after all of it, I just don't know why I'm doing it anymore. I tell myself it's to become the greatest Hero, to make my dreams a reality, and to save everyone that needs it, but I-I…
"I just don't know anymore… I'm not good enough for that. It's been so hard to enjoy things. I want to say I'm happy. I want to say I'm okay. I want to say I feel content. I have so much going for me…so how could I not feel that way? B-But I…don't even think I can say that my smiles mean I'm happy anymore. I don't think I can call this happiness. But how could it not be? It used to be… What happened? No one did anything wrong… I-It's just me. So, what's wrong with me? I don't know. I don't know… I pretend to be happy because I want to make everyone else happy, but the happiness I give is something I'll never receive. I would rather give other people happiness than be happy myself, but it always hurts in a way that I can't explain when other people try to make me happy. Am I a bad person…for having everything that makes me happy, but I'm still not happy?"