Chapter 13
A new beginning

A new routine had started for Jack as he was now traveling with the wandering circus of the Hairy Hooligans. He was still recovering from his throat, Valka was very attentionated for him, giving him medicine and making sure he was getting plenty of rest. Still he wanted to help. He wasn't strong enough to carry a lot of equipment during the travel nore help to put it all in and out the carts, mounting or dismounting the camp, so he was making up to it by cheering the others up and cooking.

Usually the members of the troup were taking turns, each day it was someone different preparing the meals, ending up in pretty much different results. Gobber liked to cook hot, fat brews and stews. Each time Valka or Astrid wanted to cook, the others would find excuses to stop them. Hiccup warned Jack to avoid a drink made by Astrid, something she had called Yaknog and that she liked to do as tradition by the end of the year during the winter celebrations. Apparently, Valka's fish skewers were just as deadly, promissing indigestion and a sour stomach to whomever was risking a bite. Excepts dragons, strangely. Dragons were fond of her cooking.

Dagur used to cook rosted chicken or any kind of grilled food but was only caring about meat, always 'forgetting' about vegetables or sides. Snotlout even more though he was a good cooker. Eret used to cook meals with raw fish and not-enough cooked vegetables. Fishlegs was only cooking vegetarian meals but it was healthy and always perfectly well cooked. As to the twins, they had the nasty tendancy to use too much salt, making their meals difficult to eat – if it wasn't disgusting.

The meals Jack prefered were those made by Mala, Heather and Hiccup. Mala was offering various and very healthy food, Heather was a champion when it came to chicken and yak steaks, and Hiccup was really good with grilled fish and bread.

As for Jack, once he had introduced to them some old recipes he used to cook with his mother, as long as spices and aromatic herbs, everyone agreed that his cooking was the best. To the extend they decided to make him the main cook.

The wandering circus had left Burgess to travel eastward and down south. After five days of traveling, using the dragons to carry their luggages and carts, they had stopped for three days in the port town of the Howling Reef, no doubt the largest and most impressive place Jack had ever seen. Granted, he had not seen much before, always stuck in his village.

This stop allowed him to discover the backstage of the show he had seen two times. It was quite the sight to witness everyone working alongside to mount up the tent, place the seatlogs, and see Tuffnut – who seemed so careless – be in charge of something as important as lighting during the whole show. Jack had not watched the performance, instead he had kept company to Ruffnut at the entrance and helped her collective entry prices before the two of them had joined Gobber and Mala patroling around the main tent to make sure noone was sneaking in during the show.

The troup was really patient and kind with Jack. Although they had offered him to join them because they wanted him to make a magic show, they were not pressuring him to do it. Actually, they had not even came to the subject with him, nore between themselve. When Jack was happening to eavedrop conversations about him, the Hairy Hooligans were only talking about their concern for him, if he was healing from his wounds and coping the events that had torn him off his home. None of them was pressuring him to talk about it, but they kept on wondering about it while they thought the boy wasn't hearing them.

The night after the last show, they went to bed early because they were exhausted. It was always the case after a representation. Still Fishlegs took some time during the meal to count down the money they had earned. While he didn't have his own tent, Jack was sharing the twins'. They had insisted on it, and Sharpshot had decided to tag along. Since Jack had joined the troup, the small dragon was never leaving his side.

In the night, before blowing out the light, the twins used to love having a chit-chat laying on their bed, and it was mostly thanks to them Jack was learning about circus life and the other members of the troup. He was talking to them and getting to know them, yes, but the twins were telling him a lot of stories – especially the embarrassing ones. That night, Tuffnut decided to talk about the troup's love life. As an eternal single, like he loved to call himself, he was enjoying intruding into other's business.

''Astrid went out with Hiccup but now she's with Eret. Dagur and Mala's been fiancees for a moment now but they want to wait until spring to actually marry, don't ask me why. Heather and Fishlegs had a thing but it didn't last. Snotlout and him used to be in competition for Ruff. For a whole year, can you believe that ? Those morons.''

The blond smirked at his sister, who was laying behind him and burried her head in a pillow, grunting.

''Stop with that !'' She groaled. ''Snotlout moved on a long time ago, anyway.''

''What about you ?'' Jack asked.

As days were going by, his throat was getting better and allowed him to talk again, though his voice sounded hoarse and scratchy, making him cough occasionnaly. He still had to go easy on it.

''Pff, I've always liked Fishlegs better. I can't resist the soft guys. Still I liked it when both were fighting for me, when I had all their attention and they were doing all their might to get my good graces.'' She threw her pillow and sat up with a large devilish smirk. ''They were like my harem, I felt like a goddess, you know.''

Jack smirked at that. Ruffnut layed back down and closed her eyes, folding her arms under her head, though she was still smirking. ''Tell him about Heather and Snotlout, Tuff.''

''Oh yeah, that's the most juicy part ! They got together some time after he had dropped Ruff. It lasted what, three months ? Then they broke up but, ô surprise, they got back together. Then they broke up again. We're making bets on when they'll do it again. Seeing how they're dancing around each other, in my opinion, it's going to be real soon.''

Jack chuckled but forced himself to stop because of his throat, massaging it in try to soothe it.

''You're making bets ?''

''Yep,'' Ruffnut snickered. ''I bet twenty silvers for in a month.''

''Same but in two weeks ! You should bet too, Jack.''

''No thanks, I don't even have money.''

''No big deal, you can cook instead.''

''I already am.''

''Yeah and you're the best at it !'' The blonde girl exclaimed, pointing her finger at him.

He shrugged innocently, but the twins didn't let it go that easily.

''Seriously, where did you learn to cook that well ?''

Jack hesitated. He didn't want to think back to Burgess nore his village, but nostalgia took him anyway as memories crept back into his mind, memories from before the accident. Memories from when he was a pre-teen boy cooking with Mary and Emma. They were laughing and playing fight with some of the food, until their mother would scold them and chase them out of the kitchen.

''I… I used to cook with my mom and…''

He closed his mouth before he would think too much about the chestnut haired girl with sparkling mischievous hazel eyes, but her face was already forming in his mind, her laugh in his ears. He closed his eyes and shook his head in try to chase her away, a hand placed on his head to maintain his hood in place. Hood he hadn't left for a second since his arrival at the circus. He turned on his side, away from the twins, before mumbling a weak ''I'm tired, guys, can we go to sleep ?''

Though he couldn't see them, Jack doubted the twins' silence was proof of their confusion. Surely they were looking at each other with a lot of questions, surprised and confused by his sudden change of mood. He didn't blame them for wondering what had gotten on him, but despite them growing closer for the past days, he still didn't want to talk about his village. Actually, he used to do everything to avoid the subject.

''Okay, see you tomorrow, then.'' Tuffnut said lowly, hesitantly. ''Good night, Jackie Jack.''

The boy couldn't even reply, too busy fighting back his memories. But it was clinging to him, promissing to haunt him the whole night. He closed his eyes with a wince, already knowing he was going to have a nightmare. He was expecting it, he was just not sure of how intense it would be.

Jack's heart was pounding in his chest, reverberating in his chest under the rush of panic he was trying to keep in. He put down his skates on the ice and looked at his sister, just a few steps away from him.

''It's okay, it's okay.'' He assured. ''Don't look down, just look at me.''

''Jack, I'm scared.''

She glanced down at her feet, forcing her brother to do so too. The cracks were a shark contrast on the ice, and the faint noise was echoing perfectly in his two ears.

''Yeah, I know. I know.''

He took a step towards her, but stopped dead in his tracks as it cracked under his feet too. He took a glance around them to see if he could spot someone. The pond was a bit far from the family farm, but their father had assured he was going to cut some wood near by. Still he was not near enough, he was not there to help them, nore was their mother. It was on Jack to find a solution, and quick. Thinking fast, he tried to buy some time to find an idea, and he also wanted to reassure his sister, chase away her fear.

''But you're gonna be fine. You're not gonna fall in, huh… We're gonna have a little fun instead.''

''No, we're not !''

''Would I trick you ?''

''Yeah, you always play trick !''

''No, well, yeah but… N-Not this time, I promise.''

He bent a bit so he could level their eyes, looking intently into her hazel orbs.

''I'll get you out of here, okay ? Do you trust me ?''

His sister observed him for a moment, then she nodded shyly. She seemed a bit more calm and confident, which made him smile. Looking around them, he spotted a small pile of wooden sticks near him. A few steps would be enough to reach it, but it wouldn't get him closer to Emma. Still he suspected he could find a stick long enough to reach her. All he had to do was keeping Emma calm. He smiled as an idea popped in his head.

''What about we play hopscotch ?''

Hearing him speak about her favorite game, the little girl's face lit up, widening her brother's smile.

''It's as easy as huh… One…''

He took a step on the side, but the ice cracked under his toes. He waited a bit for it to stabilize, then focused back on chasing away his sister's fear, so he guffawed and faked loosing balance, making huge gestures to make her laugh. It worked.

''Two… Three !''

He grined victoriously as he reached the safer area, where the ice was thicker. Bending, not taking his eyes away from Emma, he rummaged through the branches and found a long one with a crooked end. Perfect.

''Okay, now it's your turn.''

He crouched and held the staff with both hands, the hook towards her. He was a bit too far, but it was just a matter of two or three steps. If she could take these steps… He had to keep her calm, only one false step and she could fall in. Weather had never been merciful in this part of the region and, during winter, water was so cold people didn't have the time to drown before they would freeze to death.

Jack gave another reassuring smile to his sister, and she smiled back brightly. He was confident, if they were taking it easy, they could do it. So he started to count. Emma took a first step, but the web of cracks under her spread a bit.

''That's it, that's it.'' He encouraged.

The second step had the same effect, which started to worry Emma again, but she was now close enough, so Jack quickly hooked the end of the staff around her waist and used his own body weight as balance, sending her away towards the shore. He had put so much weight he lost his balance, but he only cared about her, not his own falling. Laying on his back, he quickly sat up to make sure she was fine. She had fallen too, sprawled on her stomach, and glanced up at him, a bit shaken, before she smiled a bright, goofy smile. Jack stood up with a chuckle. He couldn't believe it, he had saved her !

He wanted to join her and celebrate, already thinking about some shadow-theater show to retale his deed, but he only got the time to take one step towards her, before everything was turned upside down.

The ice gave in under him, sending him into the waters. His elbows smacked the edge of the hole but he pushed away the pain so he could hold on. His heart pounding wildly, his breath quickening, he held desperately on the ice, though his grip was slipping and the cold water was bitting his legs and body up to the chest.

''Jack !'' Emma panicked.

''No, stay back !''

He may was panicking to the point of forgetting to reassure his sister, that didn't mean he had stopped protecting her. Despite the pain and bitting cold starting to paralyze his limbs and making breathing hard, he only thought about Emma and her safety. She had to stay safe. She had to stay away, back where the ice was thick enough to carry her.

''Hold on, Jack !'' Her soft features were scrounched and flooded in tears. ''Mommy !'' She screamed, looking around them, ''Daddy ! Help !''

Jack couldn't feel his legs anymore and his body was shivering uncontrollably, but he kept on holding on. Emma called out their parents several times, but she didn't get any answer, feeding her growing sobs.

''Hey Emma, look at me.''

She tried to calm down and looked at him with red and swollen eyes, sniffing and wincing to hold back her tears. He forced a smile even though his breath was shaking and his teeth chattering.

''I-I'll be fine, okay ? G-Go get help at home.''

He was mostly saying this because he wanted her away, because he knew he wouldn't be able to hold on for long, and didn't want her to witness this. But she was stubborn and shook her head no.

''No, I don't wanna leave you !''

She clenched her small fists and took a step forward, keeping an eye on the ice and spreading her arms for balance.

''W-What are you d-doing ? Emma, n-no !''

''Hold on, I'm gonna get you !''

''Stop ! I-I don't want to bring you down with m-me ! Go back t-to the shore !''

''I won't leave you !'' Fresh tears streamed from her hazel eyes and her voice got distorted, getting higher than usual.

''Y-You have to, d-don't risk your life for me.''

She stopped and gave him a ripped look that felt like a stab in the heart for him. Tears started to pearl in his own brown eyes.

''You have t-to live, Em'. Who's gonna tell my jokes and adventures if not you ? W-Who's gonna make the kids laugh ? Emma, you have t-to live and laugh.''

The girl sobbed again, but Jack kept on smiling.

''P-Promise me you'll laugh for me.''

''No, I don't wanna loose you !''

''P-Promise me, Em'.''

She cried even more and lowered her head, her small fists clenched to her chest. Jack was sure he had managed to convince her, explaining he was still forcing this smile despite his face numbing. It was getting difficult to hold on to the edge of the ice, to move, to breath, and even more to keep his eyes open. He could feel his eyelids getting heavier and trying to cover his eyes.

''Jack !'' Emma screamed.

He flinched and that managed to wake him up a bit, but also making him realise his sister was not giving up. Actually, she was even getting closer to him, but he didn't have the time to scold her and tell her to live because she spoke first. ''No one's gonna tell your jokes better than you ! I don't want to tell them in your stead ! You have to do it, Jack !''

''E-Em', n-no…''

His voice was breaking and weakening while his strength was abandoning him, eaten away by the icy water. He couldn't feel anything anymore under his chest while his arms were getting numb too. Despite of this, he still held on and fought.

''G-Go back to the shore… E-Em'…''

The more his voice was muting, the more it seemed to feed his sister's will not to listen. She was getting closer, taking small and cautious steps while her eyes were looking back and forth between her feet and her brother. She kept on moving forward, ignoring his pleas growing more and more desperate, but the only thing that made her stop was a new sound of cracking ice.

Emma froze, horrified wide eyes searching for her brother, equally horrified brown eyes staring back at her, then she fell in with a loud yelp. Jack's brain stopped thinking as he let go to dive in after her. He didn't know what he had been expecting, surely he had thought he would be able to swim after her, catch her and bring them back to the surface so he could hoist her on the ice again.

Maybe he would have been able to, had not his body been that numb and unresponding. Jack had hoped to swim, but the only thing he could do was sink like a rock, unable to move, and now unable to breathe.

His frantic eyes remained focused on the small silhouette floating next to him, close enough for him to see, yet too far for him to reach. Emma wasn't moving and was sinking just like him, some red sipping out from her head. She must have hit her skull on the ice when she had fallen in, and if she was unconscious, she was already drowning. Jack clenched his teeth and tried all his might to will his body to move, but said body had let him down.

Weather had never been merciful in this part of the region. In winter, water was so cold people didn't have the time to drown before they would freeze to death. The blue shade tainting Emma's skin was proof enough that she had already succombed to it, right in front of his eyes. However, Jack didn't have that chance. The cold was certainly biting him, but it paralyzed him without killing him. The water did. And all along his agony, he kept his eyes trailed on his sister. He was still hoping beyong hope, praying all the universe's mystical forces to see her move, wake up, and swim up to the surface.

His own fate didn't matter to him, all that mattered was his sister. His beloved baby sister. His deceased sister, whose empty, dull eyes were going to haunt him for the remaining seconds of his life.

And every single night of this delay he had been cursed with.

Jack woke up in a jolt, sitting up and coughing wildly because of the scream this nightmare had torn from him. It took him a bit of time to notice the lantherns in the tent were lit and that the twins were awake, around him, looking panicked and holding him as if they were afraid he would collapse in front of them.

Trembling from head to toes, he remained folded on himself, letting the twins hold and hug him. One of them was rubbing his back but he couldn't tell which one as he kept his face burried against his knees, hidding in the hood Valka had added to his nightshirt. Once his coughing fit finally soothed down, his throat was throbbing and burning, as if the skin inside had been shredded. Even swallowing was painful. That's when his ears started to catch the soft whispers the twins were adressing him, especially Ruffnut. Soothing words, telling him he had nothing to be afraid of, that he was safe with them, away from this damn village.

So he realised they were surely convinced he had dreamt of the moment his clan had tried to hang him. To be honest, he would have rathered dream about this, it was less hurtful and less scary than seeing Emma's lifeless face. He held on the first arm he found and squeezed his grip on Ruffnut's nightgown, so hard he distorted the green fabric, but the blonde didn't mind it and kept on holding him, just like her brother was doing.

They remained like this for a long, silent moment, then Tuffnut was the first to let go so he could leave the tent. Jack was first afraid he was leaving to tell Valka, but the blond with dreadlocks came back soon after with a pint he gave the shaken boy. It was filled with some water. Jack nodded in thanks and took slow, cautious sips. His burning throat thanked him for that.

Heavy silence loomed in the tent while Jack kept on sipping slowly, the twins sitting close to him, Sharpshot pressing against the boy's tight, looking worried but mostly tired. The small dragon drifted back to sleep before Jack emptied the pint, all the while the twins remained silent, just watching him, as if expecting him to burst in tears.

Jack wanted to tell them he was fine, even if it was a lie, just so they would stop making such sad faces. He ended up glaring at them, annoyed, and that managed to pull them out this transe. Tuffnut blinked and looked away, looking uneasy, while Ruffnut scooted closer and asked him in a whisper ''Jack… Who's Emma ?''

If the boy had almost gained back a good mood seeing their embarrassed reaction, it vanished instantly. Horrified that he had talked in his sleep, at least a few words including his sister's name, he realised the twins might have heard something else. That made him sick. He winced and vividly shook his head, silently telling them he didn't want to talk about it. Like at all. He didn't even let them insist as he got up and left the tent. They didn't try to follow him, and he mentally thanked them for that. However, he heard Tuffnut punch his sister, who grunted back at him.

''Really ? You had to ask him ?'' He groaled.

''What ?''

Jack ignored them and headed to the campfire circled by the different tents. Despite how late it was, the fire was still crackling, though it was more embers than flames. The boy sighed and picked up a few small logs to put in, along with a metal stick. He sat on a stump and mindlessly started to shake the embers, trying to revive the fire. It was still nighttime, it was pretty dark, surely there was still quite some time before dawn, still he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. It was always the case after he was reliving the accident, just like it was usual for him to feel this hole in his chest, or these shivers running under his skin, reminiscence of the bitting cold waters.

Jack remained sitting there for a long moment, eyes wandering over the embers and flames mindlessly, thoughtlessly, fighting back the shivers. On several occasions, he was tightening the fur blanket around him, burrying his nose in it, adjusting the hood on his head. He listened to the night sounds, some owls, distant waves, crickets, a few snores coming from the tents. Most of it was coming from the dragons in Hiccup's tents, but also a few from other tents. The one Dagur, Heather and Mala were sharing. The one in which were sleeping Goober, Fishlegs and Snotlout. But mostly the one Jack had just left. So the twins were back to sleep, and it made Jack feel even more lonely. Despite the six tents surrounding him, despite the twelve persons and six dragons in it, he was all alone outside.

He sighed heavily as he realised it was not really different from what he was used to. The only difference was that the village had not given him a choice, while here he simply had to ask for some company. He still had troubles accepting that Valka and Hiccup were still kind to him even after seeing his weird hair. Sometimes it felt like they had never seen it, but Jack knew better. And that was what was keeping him away from them. Granted he was already reluctant to wake up someone just to have some company, plus he wasn't going to be able to have a conversation, even if his throat was fine. But mostly, he still had a lot of difficulties to open up to them.

He couldn't talk about Burgess or his village, he was never mentioning the family he used to have, nore the farm or how he used to get along with the other villagers, before or after the accident. If he was talking about it, it was only generalities, only a few things, and always related to his previous life, before that fateful day at the pond.

As he was remaining there, lost in his thoughts, time flew by in a strange, distorted fashion. It seemed so fast and so slow at the same time, as if frozen, as frozen as the pond still hanting him and taking form in the flames. Jack wasn't seeing the fire, he was not seeing its color, nore feeling its warmth. There was nothing in his mind and eyes than icy, dark water, and the bitting cold. He could barely hear sounds anymore, the owls, the wind softly blowing, the crackling log fire or the crickets singing. He didn't hear either the soft ruffling of fabric behind him, nore the pouncing steps in the grass.

He didn't realise there was someone else, until Toothless came into view, his large ebony head popping in front of him and blowing in his face, sniffing his pale cheek with the dragon's usual good mood. Jack blenched and dropped the metal stick.

''Toothless,'' a voice called out in a whisper. ''What are you doing, bud ? Oh…''

Jack turned his head as he heard other steps, and found Hiccup. Despite the dark, the fire was enough to lit up the tamer, dressed in some leather equipment that almost looked like an armor. The auburnet cautiously walked to him, he looked surprised to see Jack outside, but still noticed the boy's low mood since his smile faltered.

''Hi.''

''Hi.'' Jack replied, his voice low and a bit hoarse.

Forest green eyes trailed to the tent where the boy was supposed to be sleeping.

''Are the twins snoring too loud ?'' He joked.

Jack appreciated the joke, but though he would have liked laughing, he couldn't.

''No, they're fine.'' He coughed a bit and cleared his throat in try to sooth it, then talked again, so low it was almost a whisper. ''I had a nightmare.''

For a moment, there was only silence. Hiccup got closer and sat next to Jack, while Toothless was pouncing around the fire, playing and trying to catch some sparks.

''Do you want to talk about it ?'' The tamer asked cautiously.

Jack remained silent. At first, Hiccup just waited, then he changed the subject. ''Or we can talk about something else to change your mind, if you prefer ?''

The boy smiled at that, giving him a thankful look. It was still astuning him how much Hiccup could be kind and gentle, and how he always seemed to know what to do or say.

''How is it going with the twins ? I know they can get turbulant when they want to, I hope they don't give you too much heckling.''

''I like it, actually, they're lively. They talk a lot too, I think I learn a lot more about the circus with them than during the day.''

Hiccup chuckled at that, running a hand in his auburn hair. ''Yeah, they love gossiping. I suppose they told you a lot. Like that time Gobber had erupted on stage during Astrid and Eret's show. Drunk.''

This time, Jack managed to chuckle. ''And when a woman in the crowd flirted with Snotlout and he was so flustered he didn't know what to do.''

Hiccup laughed but tried to hold back, not wanting to wake up the others. This sudden laugh caught Toothless' attention, who trotted back to them and asked for some petting. Hiccup ran a hand along the dragon's side while Jack scratched him under the chin, which seemed to be Toothless' favorite pet because he was always rolling his eyes in delight. Soon, the dragon layed next to them and kept his head on the hooded boy's lap.

''They also spoke about the bet going on about Heather and him.'' Jack added.

''Oh yeah, a few in the troup has bet a lot.''

''Did you too ?''

''Yes, but I've already lost. I had bet five coppers on last week.''

''Only five coppers ?''

Hiccup shrugged with a smirk. ''I rather spend this money taking care of the dragons, or buy some material for my inventions.''

Jack gave him a point. If, the first night when they had met, when he had visited the tamer's tent, nothing had told him the young man was an inventor, Jack couldn't miss it since he had joined the circus. The auburnet was keeping all his work in books and a few rolls, but the prototypes were always kept in his luggages and in Goober's workshop, that the troup liked to call their 'travel smithy'. Jack and him had talked a bit about it, the boy had heard about spyglass and Hiccup's prostetic. He wanted to know more about other inventions but Toothless seemed to get bored as he suddenly stood back on his paws, making his 'pillow' start. Then the dragon nudged his tamer, visibly trying to make him stand up.

''Yeah, easy bud, we're going.''

''Going where ? What are Toothless and you doing up this early ?''

''We use to get up early to fly. We always do it at nightime to avoid being seen by locals.''

Jack thought about it, wondering why they were trying to hide, before remembering what Hiccup had told him on several occasions about dragons. The boy still couldn't believe people couldn't accept dragons. Obviously, he knew these creatures were impressive and a bit intimidating, but it was just taking knowing them a bit to see they were actually kind-hearted and affectionate.

''I can imagine seeing a dragon wandering about might scare some people.'' He murmured, his voice full of regrets.

Once again, Hiccup had this peculiar smile he seemed to have only with Jack, and the boy couldn't help but think it had been a while since he had last seen it. Since the tamer had saved him from being hung, actually.

Toothless warbled, calling for his morning flight, and Hiccup gave in to him. He stood and picked something he had left behind the stump where Jack was sitting, surely when he had arrived. The boy glanced at it but couldn't identify the object, not before the auburnet put it on the dragon's back. It was a saddle.

Hiccup fastened it with some straps around the dragon's neck and behind his front legs. Once it was in place, Toothless shook his back et opened up his wings, as if stretching. Big round lime eyes looked at Hiccup, but the tamer seemed to hesitate before climbing on. He remained standing next to the dragon, then turned to Jack before asking ''Hey, wanna come with us ?''

The hooded boy blinked. ''Can I ?''

''Of course. What do you say ? Ever wanted to fly ?''

Hiccup offered his hand with a slight smirk, teasing but mostly defiant, so Jack contemplated the idea. Flying on a dragon's back, with Hiccup ? How could he say no to that ? He smiled, his first genuine smile since he had been rescued from Burgess, and took the tamer's hand.