Chapter 16
A new kind of lonely

The welcoming feast went quite… lively. Still, if Fishlegs had not been there to talk with Jack, the boy would have grown bored quickly. The twins were too busy wrecking havoc with the three princes and starting food fights, Valka was having a conversation with queen Elinor and princess Merida was hogging Hiccup's attention.

All Jack had to keep him entertained was eating, talking with Fishlegs, soothe Sharpshot when he was disturbed by the noise, and look at the other person around the table. From time to time, he discreetly rubbed his temple in try to ease his growing headache.

He rarely felt that tired, even after a long day of work at the farm, and the meal was getting endless. He found himself starting to doze off, earning some teasing from Astrid, sat in front of him, who noticed him, before starting to keep him awake by throwing him pieces of bread over the table. He was almost sleep-sitting when they finally called it a day. The troup greeted the royal family before a couple of guards escorted them to their rooms. Just before following them, Jack noticed the three crowned giving him an amused smile. Puzzled, he waited to exit the throne room so he could ask Astrid about it. The blonde was amused too.

''They noticed you were dozing off during the feast,'' she snickered. ''They were curious about you since you're new but you fell asleep when they wanted to talk to you.''

Jack tensed and gritted his teeth, looking over his shoulder towards the closed door they were walking away from.

''My bad. I hope I didn't offend them, that's not polite.''

''Heh, don't worry about that.'' Astrid smirked and wrapped an arm around his thin shoulders, squeezing him close to her. ''They found it funny, actually, and since you're young they let it go.''

''You're saying this as if I was a child…'' He mumbled, his head low, vexed.

Astrid noted his pout and rubbed his back. It felt like she was searching for an alternative to ruffling his hair since she couldn't risk damage the dye.

''Not a child, no, but you're still the youngest of the troup.''

''How do you know ? I could be older than I look.''

Before the pond incident, he used to be told he was looking younger than his age. Granted he had grown up in four years, but even with his white hair, he was stil looking younger. At least, Astrid not taking him seriously proved him so.

''Then go on, tell me. How old are you ?''

''Seventeen.''

The knife thrower stopped in her tracks, forcing him to do so too. The way she was blinking proved she had not been expecting this answer. After swallowing her chock, she resumed their walk, going faster to try and catch up with the others.

''Okay, fair enough, I would have given you less.''

Her teasing smirk came back, which felt like a bad omen for Jack. ''You're still the youngest here. Before you, it was the twins, and they're nineteen.''

''Just two years older…''

''That's older enough.''

She rubbed his back again, so hard she actually shook him. He felt like it was waking him up, but a yawn escaping his lips proved him otherwise. They went through torch litted corridors that were all looking the same, Jack getting the impression of loosing his way, before they finally found themselve a long, straight one littered with identical wooden doors. There were their belongings, all gathered there, ready to be placed in the rooms. The troupe started to choose their rooms and the guards helped them move their stuffs. The twins rushed to the room in the back, Astrid and Eret shared one, like Dagur and Mala, and Hiccup went to the one where Toothless came out as he ehard them arrive.

All the others took single rooms, Jack too. None of the rooms had been prepared for more than two people, except for Hiccup's since it was supposed to have a dragon in too. When Jack found himself in front of his door, his arms filled with a small box carrying his few belongings, he froze. For a long moment, he just stared inside of the room.

The place seemed comfortable. The walls were made of stone and were looking a bit bleak, but the wooden fourniture, blankets and furs were ading more colors, along with the fireplace bringing light and warmth. Jack stared at the canopy bed, noticing it was bigger than the one he used to have back at his village. Thought it looked way more comfy, he thought it was empty. The whole room was. Surely it was because he was going to be alone in it. Well, not exactly alone since Sharpshot was with him, but the twins weren't.

Even if they were snoring and a bit too clingy, he had gotten used to it and had found comfort in it. He had found the touch and company he had been deprived for too long. So he was going to miss that company. He knew it. Especially if he was going to have nightmares again.

He started as someone approached him, Hiccup's voice callng for him. Turning his head, he found the tamer just next to him, and noticed how the corridor was now empty. The guards seemed to be done moving around the troupe's belongings and had left, while the performers were all inside of their rooms. Jack could hear Gobber praising how comfy his bed was, Snotlout was singing as if he was cleaning himself and the twins had started another fight judging by all the bumping noises and painful grunts coming from their room. In the corridor, their was only Jack and Hiccup left.

''You okay ?'' The auburnet asked with a soft voice, full of concern. ''You look… troubled.''

Jack got a hold of himself and tightened his grip on his box. He must have stayed frozen in front of his room for a long time to worry Hiccup that much. So he faked a smile in try to reassure him. ''Oh yeah, I'm fine. It's just… It's a bit strange to have my own room.''

Hiccup smirked and crosses his arms, leaning against the door frame. ''You won't have the twins to heckle you.''

Jack tried to laugh, but the sounds felt bitter on his tongue. His smile quickly dropped and Hiccup noticed it since he straightened, his good mood dropping too. Jack sighed since it looked like he couldn't hide anything from the auburnet. He decided to tell him what was going on inside his head.

''It's gonna be weird to be… alone again.''

He wanted to say 'all alone', but it felt like saying it would make the thing real, and would make the troupe disappear. He found himself silly to think that, but at the same time, with everything the villagers had told about him, the thought of his words casting a real curse was scaring him. He didn't want to risk it.

''Hey.'' Hiccup called with such a sweet voice.

Jack swallowed down his anguish and looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He hadn't even noticed when he had lowered his head. It had become an habit to hide his face and emotions.

''You're not alone. We're all here, around you. And we're not gonna leave.''

A smile instantly crept on the boy's face. His throat and chest squeezed with so much emotions. Once more, Hiccup seemed to be able to read his mind and know what to do about it, know what to say and how to reassure him.

''Don't hesitate to come to me if you need to, tonight. I'm right next to your room, and Sharpshot is gonna stay with you, too.''

Jack looked over his shouler. The small green and brown dragon was still snuggled in his hood, sleeping for a moment now. It made him smile and want to crack a joke.

''I'm not sure you wouldn't be able to pull him out of there, even if you wanted to.''

''That for sure,'' Hiccup chuckled. ''You two became unseparable.''

Jack smiled even more and felt the urge to hug the small dragon, feel his warm body against his chest and face, hear his soothing heartbeat. Since he couldn't do so, he tightened his arms around the small box. A comfortable silence formed around them, only disturbed by muffled noises coming from the other rooms. Some suspicious creaking sounds were emitted from Dagur and Mala's room but Jack tried to ignore it, already feeling the blood rush to his cheeks and ears while picturing what was causing it.

He swallowed and hesitantly glanced to Hiccup, who seemed to have drawn the same conclusions as him seeing how he was rubbing his nape and looking anywhere but to the door.

''Well, huh… Good night, then.'' Jack stuttered.

Hiccup gave him a soft smile. ''Good night, Jack.'' He answered, brushing his hand along the boy's arm.

Jack got marvelled by the gesture. It was the first time Hiccup was touching him this way, and even in his oldest memories, he couldn't recall someone expressing so much care for him with a soft gesture. It was comforting and warm, and gave him a smile he kept even when he entered and got alone in his room.

Despite being tired to the extend he wanted to fall head first in bed, he took his time to unbox his clothes and change. He put the clothes he wanted to wear the next day on the chest by the feet of the bed, and placed the vial of dye on a dresser were stood washing towels and a basin full of water.

He was about to go to bed when he heard whispers in the corridor. Curious, even if he knew it was none of his business, he went to take a look. Opening his door just an inch, barely daring to pop his head out, he cast a glance and it didn't take long for him to spot the two silhouettes by the neighbor door. Princess Merida was there, talking lowly to Hiccup. The tame had changed for the night since he was only wearing a pair of dark pants and a tunic which seemed a bit big, the collar opened to reveal his collarbone. Jack spotted a pendant there, but he was too far to see clearly what it was. As to the princess, she was still dressed the same way than during the feast, except she had removed her hood to let out an impressive bush of firing, curly red hair.

Both of them were whispering, surely they didn't want to disturb the others members of the troupe. For all Jack knew he was supposed to eavedrop them, he couldn't help it. He was just curious. Not about what they were talking about – he could clearly hear a few words from them, going from ''I'm happy to see you again.'' to ''Would ye come te train with meh in teh mornin' ? Like good ol' times.'' What was really intriguing him was the princess' body langage.

She was standing straight and tall but was looking tensed. It looked like she was aiming to sem natural and relaxed while she wasn't. She was fidgeting and squeezing her hands too hard, as if holding back from doing something, but it wasn't keeping her from nervously pinching a strand of hair behind her ears. Severeal times.

Jack was not an expert, but it was obvious the princess was not indifferent to the dragon tamer. He was even liking him a lot. Conscious that he was spying on his friend, Jack decided to go back to his room and go to bed.

Much to his surprise, the night went well. Granted the walls were thicker than the tent's canvas, still he managed to hear a few snores coming from the other rooms. These sounds along with the soft breeze and the song of crickets coming from the window he had kept opened, had lulled him all night long. Having Sharpshot in the bed with him had helped a lot too. He hoped he could sleep that well for all the other nights of their stay.

He had slept that well he had full energy when he opened his eyes, at the same time to sun was rising. Because of the work he used to do at the farm, he was used to get up at dawn, and living in the circus had not changed it even if the twins were fond of lingering in the bed as long as possible.

Careful not to wake up Sharpshot, Jack got up and cleaned himself, fixing the dye in his hair, before he got dressed. Astrid's other old tunic was a bit thin but he fixed this by wearing his cape on top of it. Valka had patched up the few holes on the bottom and, despite trying to tell him it was too old and that he needed to change it, he had kept it. Not that he wanted something to remind him of his old village, but this cape had been a gift from Emma, so it was important for him. It was the last thing he had from his sister, the last thing that was not nightmares and dreadful memories.

When he was about to leave the room, Sharpshot woke up and asked for some petting, so Jack took him with him. The dragon was happy and perched himself on the boy's shoulder, sniffing his hair as if puzzled by the dye's smell, claw-sharpening on the rought and worn-out fabric, or simply looking at their surroundings, constantly going from a shoulder to the other.

Not used to the castle, Jack wandered and got lost while waiting for breakfast time. Who knew, maybe he could find his way back to the throne room by himself ? He met a few guards in the corridors and smiled at them, bowing his head as greetings. They were more or less awake, some of them not noticing him at all, a few grumbling, others smiling back and weaving. None of them stopped him on his way, proving him he was not trespassing some forbidden places.

So he kept on strolling around until he arrvied in an opened corridor, made of arcades, circling an inner courtyard. There, in front of wooden and straw contraptions painted with targets, he foudnt the princess. Her flaming hair was not mistakable, though the boy almost not recognized her as she was looking so much different than the previous day. Her dress was more modest, dark green and without embroideries, and she was carrying on her waist a full quiver while she had a bow in her hands.

And she was really good at archery. Jack got mesmerized by her skills, unable not to stare at her. Her aim, the fluency of her gestures when pulling an arrow out of the quiver and placing it on the bow, the strength in her arms while pullinng at the rope, the way she was focusing to aim, the small breath out just as she was realeasing the arrow… and how hard said arrow was jabbing in the perfect center of the target.

Clearly the princess was expirienced in archery, she had been practicing for a long time and was pouring her heart in it. After shooting three other arrows, each of them aiming at the core of the targets, she placed her bow straight up and rested the tip on the ground, slightly leaning on it while putting her other fist on her hip. Chin high with proud, she smirked at Jack. The boy froze and chrunked on himself, ashamed to have been spotted.

''How long have ye been there ?'' She snickered. ''Checkin' on meh archery deeds, huh ?''

Jack swallowed and slowly walked to her, fidgetting with the aim of his cape, head low as he was staring at the ground, not daring to look at her in the eye.

''Sorry, I didn't mean to spy on you.''

''Dun worry, Ah'm used te it now. There's eyes everywhere in teh castle.''

Saying this, she gestured to the windows in the upper floors. Jack looked up and noticed people looking at them from a few. Guards, maidens. All of them faked being busy and others left quickly. Princess Merida sighed.

''They're constantly watchin' meh. Ah already have eh lot of troubles makin' meh mom accept this hobby of meh, but teh maids, they're always actin' like Ah could hurt meself an' jab ehn arrow in meh eye.''

Jack held from chuckling, still he blew from his nose. Hiss mile vaished as he met piercing blue eyes, red eyebrows furrowed.

''What ?'' She growled, ''ye too think archery isn't suitable for eh princess and that eh princess should focus on sewing or tapestry or somethin' ?''

''Oh no, I wasn't thinking that.''

''Why did ye snicker, then ?''

''I… I just thought it was ironic for them to think that since it's clear you master your bow. I was just thinking it was more likely for them to end up with an arrow in the eye for thinking this. Intentionnaly, not by accident.''

''Oh, really ?''

She seemed taken aback, in the good way. Soon, she dropped ehr agressive stance and even smiled, before she put her bow over her shoulder so she coudl free both her hands, crossing her arms.

''So… Jack, is it ?''

''Huh, yeah ?''

She almost snickered and started to circle him, as if inspecting him from head to toes. Jack suddenly felt trapped, like an usual animal someone wanted to study, or as if he was being interrogated.

''Ye're new te teh troupe, if Ah get it reght ?''

''I am.''

''Though it looks like ye already quite settled in. Ye look close te them.''

Jack tensed more and more to each question she was asking him, to each circle she was drawing around him. He could feel and see Sharpshot on his shoulders, moving along to follow the princess as if it was a game for them. The way he was hopping proved he, at least, was having fun. He was even warbling softly, which was not helping Jack to ease.

''Teh twins and Astrid protected ye from meh brothers when ye slept during teh feast an' they wanted te prank ye.''

Jack averted his eyes, still ashamed to have dozed off in front of their hosts. He missed the insisting stare the princess was giving him, only looking up at her when she finally stopped in front of him. She was holding her chin as if in her thoughts.

''What's so special in ye ?'' She asked.

''What do you mean ?''

''They recruited ye in teh troupe but Ah dun heard them talk about ye show. Ye dun have any, do ye ?''

''Not all of them have shows either. Mala, Gobber and Fishlegs, and-''

''But they all have eh role. Managin' budget, travel, relationship with locals… They all have eh task te complete an' participate. So how do ye ?''

''I… I'm cooking and helping Hiccup to take care of the dragons-''

''Dragons, let's talk about 'em. That's what is putting teh bug in meh ear, actually. Ah know Hiccup, Ah know him for eh lon' time and Ah know how important dragons are fer him. So how did ye make him give ye one ?''

She gestured to the Terrible Terror still perched on the boy's shoulders, almost massaging his thing shoulder as he was squeezing and realeasing his small clawed paws. Jack mindlessly lifted a hand to softly pat his head, the small dragon instantly forgetting about the princess as he relished in the pet.

''Sharpshot and I are friends, is all. We've bounded, so Hiccup thinks it's better if he sticks with me.''

''Oh yeah ? How so ? Ah can't believe that.''

Jack shrugged before replying. ''But that's the truth.''

Merida's eyes sharpened and she glared at him so intently he thought she could pierce him. He didn't know anymore if he wanted to continue this conversatio or if he wanted to run away.

''How did ye met, exactly ? Tell me.''

''Why do you want to know ?''

''Ah'm tryin' te understand. Spil it.''

''It's nothing extraordinary : the circus stopped by the island where I used to live, I went on stage during Hicup's show to pet Hookfang-''

He cut himself as he saw the princess' eyes darken at that, then he resumed with a less confident voice. ''A-And that's it.''

''That's it ? Ye're kidding, that can't be it ! They offered ye a place in their troupe, Hiccup gave ye a dragon, and ye're telling me they just did it, and that ye left everythin' behind, yer island, clan and family, out of teh blue ?''

Jack barely felt better, only because the scare the princess was giving him was being replaced by bad memories trying to come back to the surface.

''No, not out of the blue… I… I've been kicked out from my home. I didn't have anywhere to go, so Valka offered me to come with them.''

It was not exactly the truth, but he didn't really wanted to explain all his bad experience to this princess he didn't even know. Still he noticed that his excuse seemed to convince her as her face softened. She even looked sad for him.

''Oh… Sorry te hear that.''

''Thanks…''

''But that ain't explain why ye stayed with them.''

''Huh ?''

''Ah know Valka's kindness, an' it had its limits. If it was just that, the troupe would have helped ye find another home and left ye there. You dun seem te realise what life in eh circus is.''

Jack furrowed at that. It had been two months he was travelling with them, he was living like them, so he did know what life in a circus was. He even estimated he knew better than this princess living in a castle full of maids caring for her well-being.

''They dun have much,'' Merida explained. ''An' ye dun realise what it takes te add someone te teh troupe. It's one more mouth te feed, one more person te check on their moral and health.''

Jack would have wanted to think otherwise, but he realised that, on this point, she was right. He realised that he surely was a burden for the circus, with his fragile mindset, his nightmares, his secrets and the pain he was burrying deep inside and was not sharing them. Not even speaking about his recovery time when he had arrived, when he couldn't do any physical work and could barely talk. Even worse, his strange powers that could explose if he couldn't control his emotions. Luckily, there had not been any accident yet, still it was one more fear Jack was keeping in him.

He knew the performers were worried about him, he could see it day after day, in their care and the little attentions they had for him. Like how Astrid had tried to keep him awake during the feast and had soothed his worries. Like how Hiccup had checked on him before going to bed.

''It's eh lot of investment,'' the archer princess added. ''So, when they take someone with them, they have te make sure this someone gives somethin' te teh circus. Either eh show or in workin' force.''

Jack felt bad. Valka did had talked to him about a magic show when he had invited him to join the troupe the first time, but no one had come the subject again after this. The boy was far from being strong so he wasn't either much of a working force. His only use to the circus was to cook, but there again all the others were able to do it, and were doing it. Suddenly Jack felt completely useless to the troupe, he was just a burden to them. Even the dragons were participating more than him to the circus since they were part of Hiccup's show and were a huge attraction for the public.

Trying to chase away this awful feeling, and also find an explanation to Valka deciding to keep him with them, he justified himseld as he could. ''They wanted to help me.''

''Ah told ye : if it was just thet, they would have found eh nice place for ye and left. No, there has te be somethin' more.''

''Why do you think so ?''

''Nothin' is free, people always want somethin' in return.''

Jack didn't agree on that and didn't wait to tell so ''They're not like that. They're kind.''

''People are kind because they want somethin'. Be it aknowledge, thankfulness, te feel alive or give themselve a good reputation… there's always somethin' more. The question is : what does teh circus wants from ye ? What could be so special in ye ?''

The boy was rendered speechless. The prince'ss way of thoughts felt like a slap in the face for him. He had not seen things that way. When Hiccup had saved him from the hanging, he did had wondered why the tamer had done it, but then it had slipped his mind and had only focused on how thankful he was. But if his kindness and Valka's were actually self-serving ? What if they wanted something in return ?

Thinking about it, Jack could only think about one explanation : his powers. His strange powers. When he had shown them the first time, Valka had offered him to join them and put on a magic show. Fishlegs and Gobber had been entanced by the idea and had said it would be a good advertisment for the circus. Valka and Hiccup hand not been scared by his weird white hair, but since he had never found the courage to ask them why, he could imagine anything. What if it was actually because they wanted to use his powers for the circus ?

His hopes suddenly got crushed by this idea. His dream of finally being accepted, without people being frightened of him, without him being treated differently, just like a regular human, like the boy he actually was inside, underneath this magic… it all got crushed.

He hated this idea, he hated questioning everything he was thinking about the performers, Valka, the twins, Hiccup. He hated how a simple doubt, just ingrained by the princess Merida, was already growing so fast within him, in his thoughts, in his heart. He didn't want to believe that their kindness, their warmth and friendship, were actually selfish. That all they actually wanted was his strange magic.

But it was so much easier to believe.

It was so much easier for him to hold onto this thought than his hope, because it was closer to what he had known for the past years. Because it was closer to what he had gotten used to.

Without giving suite to the conversation, he lef tthe princess and went back to roaming the castle, mindless, his heart heavy. If it had not been for Sharpshot and his pushy complains, Jack would have mskipped breakfast, that day. Finding himself at the table with their hosts and the circus' performers didn't give him any comfort. Even if the twins had thrown themselve at him the moment they spotted him, hugging him to say 'good morning', his heart wasn't in the hug.

During the meal, he noticed a few stares on him. The twins, Astrid, Snotlout, Hiccup and Valka were watching him more or less discreetly. It was obvious they had noticed his low mood, but none of them spoke of it. Jack tried to ignore them and focus on Sharpshot, who was trotting on the table, stepping in the plates and playing with food along the triplet princes.

That's only when they were going back to their rooms that someone actually came to talk to him. Jack had expected it to be Hiccup, since the auburnet was always the first one to check on him, but this time it was the twins who stopped him. They let the rest of the group go first, each of the twins holding back the boy by one arm.

''Spil it, what's wrong with you ?'' Ruffnut asked bluntly.

''What ? What do you mean ?'' He faked.

''Not with us, Jackie Jack.'' Tufnut insisted, ''you look depressed.''

''You… Did you have another nightmare ?''

Ruffnut seemed hesitant while asking it, as if afraid the boy would break in pieces in front of her eyes. Tuffnut got angry and punched her in the arm.

''Come on, Ruff, can't you be a little sensitive here ?''

''You're one to talk !''

Jack tensed and squinted his eyes shut by reflex as he thought another fight would start between the twos. He had gotten used to their wrestling but at this moment he would have rathered calm. Much to his surprise, he got it. Opening his eyes again, he met a double set of worried grey-blue eyes.

''Wow…'' Tuff mused, ''you really are down, actually.''

Jack didn't reply. He just couldn't. Merida's words were echoing in his head, and now he couldn't help by apply it to each member of the troupe. Valka was self-serving, she had only welcomed him in her circus to add his powers to the list of shows. Hiccup was self-srving, even if he didn't know how yet. The twins were self-serving too. Surely they were thinking they were indebted since Jack had helped Ruffnut when she had been beaten up by Franc and his friends. Or maybe they were nice to him because Valka had asked all the performers to make him at ease and convince him to use his powers for them ?

An unpleasant burn filled the back of his eyes, foresaying tears were coming, but he refused to let it out. He refused to show it. He refused to show the pain crushing his heart, his broken hopes, his broken dreams. Trying to calm down, he ran a hand on his face and tried to find an excuse, a way to reassure them, to get rid of them and their fake worry. Nightmares seemed like the perfect dodge.

''I'm fine.'' He lied, ''it's just… I didn't sleep much this night, I'm tired.''

''So you really had another nightmare, then.'' Ruffnut chirped.

''Oh, for the love of… Can't you just shut up ?'' Her twin grunted.

She knocked him in the head as retaliation, which made him quiet since he focused more on the pain than the conversation. Ruffnut stepped closer to Jack and it took a lot of will for him not to step back.

''You know, we can always share our room, tonight. If you want company, one of us can stay with you, or you can come over and we will squeeze in the bed. Can't be smaller than the makeshift beds at the camp, and if someone fall from the bed, we'll push Tuff.''

''Hey, I heard you !'' Said brother protested, still pressing his hands on his head.

''I know, that was the point.''

In other circumstances, Jack would have laughed. But not that day. He was not in the mood. Head low, eyes focused on the ground, he didn't say a word. Silence loomed around them, omen that the twins had noticed his mood and didn't know anymore what to say to cheer him up. It took a moment, then Ruffnut dropped her hands on the boy's shoulders, making him start.

''You know what ?'' She asked with a voice so loud she was almost yelling, ''today is the first day of the festival. I'll drag you everywhere, we're gonna watch all the contests of the day, do all shopping and laugh at the other guys of the troupe, that'll be awesome !''

Jack faked a smile, far from the blonde's enthusiasm, and far from his own usual eagerness.

''Yeah, sounds like fun.'' He lied.

Despite how much there was no joy in his smile, he still managed to convince the twins seeing how they were now smiling.

''Huh I… I'm going to wash a bit first, then we can go.'' He added, pointing to the corridor leading to their rooms.

Almost running did he reached his room, nearly slamming the door behind him. Leaning against the cold wood surface, the burn in his eyes came back even stronger. A heavy weight was downing his chest and his throat was tightening so much it felt like he couldn't breath anymore. Tears streamed and ran on his cheeks without giving him time nore will to wipe them. He winced as he was trying to calm down.

His mind was racing, assaulted by conflicting thoughts, ones replaying the princess' words feeding his fears, others still trying to feed his hopes. The fight between the two parts of his mind seemed long lost, and Jack felt like he was lost in a storm, in the middle of the sea, with only a shrunk of wood to hold on to and keep him to the surface.

He barely calmed down as he heard scratches on the door. Sniffing and wipping his face, he opened the door. It was barely opened a inch that Sharpshot squeezed in. Jack instantly closed it and looked down at the small creature loving himself against his ankles, asking for affection. The boy hadn't even realised leaving him behind. When had he forgotten him ? At the table ? When they had left it ?

Not reacting, he just stared at the small dragon rubbing his head and back against him, then stop to sit as he noticed the lack of response. Big round golden eyes looked up at him, and when he gave the boy a worried whine, Jack's tears streamed again. He clenched his fists and frowned.

''What ? You too ?''

just thinking that the small dragon could also want something from him, something in return of his kindness, it broke his heart. Jack winced and opened the door again. From the open window blew a strong gust of wind. It flew around Jack and blew on the small dragon, pushing him outside. A surprised yelp and Jack shut the door on his face, collapsing against it.

He dropped himself until he was on the ground, pressing his legs against his chest, burrying his face on his knees, his arms securely wrapped around himself. In the middle of his turmoil, throught the wind howling and hissing around him, he could hear faint crackling noices. He knew what it was meaning, but he couldn't care less. All around him, be it the ground or the door, silver arabesques were spreading, winding like beautiful frosted snakes covering each other and intertwining until they were mending in a thin layer of ice. Ice getting thicker and spreading under the doorframe.

Sharpshot's whines and him desperately scratching on the wooden door could only feed Jack's torments, until he snapped and shouted with a broken voice. ''Leave me alone !''

If the sudden gust of cold wind, the door slaming shut and the frost had not been enough to alert the others that something what going on, the shout surely did. Jack rpessed his hands on his ears in try to block out the small dragon's calls, each of his whines was ripping out his heart even more. In the middle of all the noise surrounding him, his mind was just as loud. Merida's words were echoing with older memories. Everything was going back to the surface. All at once.

''Are you planing to trigger an avalanche upon the village ?''
''The Cursed touched her, she's gonna get the flu !''
''There's no way I'm staying in the same room as him !''
''Hey, look ! That's the White !''
''What a maggot, seriously.''
''Back, demon !''
''He's gonna curse us or something.''
''The Cursed.''
''You must be the last one to think you're still his son.''
''How dare you, demon ?!''
''What if the village gets sick because of him ?! What if he unleashes a snowstorm on us ?!''
''He's cursed.''
''That's not my boy, it's just a monster tormenting me !''
''The White ! That's the White !''
''Just go back to the hellhole you're coming from and leave us alone !''
''…cursed…''
''… monster…''
''Looser.''
''Jackson Overland has died three years ago…''
''…dead…''
''…demon…''
''You're just an anomaly.''
''…cursed…''
''… this monster came out of the water, as cold as Death…''
''…monster…''
''How were we supposed to see you as our son, monster ?''
''…dead…''
''… imbued with dark magic…''
''…demon…''
''Mary, get away from him. That's not our boy !''
''…dead…''
''… wandering in Jackson's dead body.''

''Shut up…'' Jack murmured in the middle of his wails, ''shut up, I beg you…''

''Don't let him touch you !''
''And tonight, we are going to send the demon back to hell !''
''…demon…''
''…dead…''
''You better have drowned in that pond with the brat !''
''…dead…''
''…demon…''
''…monster…''
''…cursed…''
''…dead…''
''…dead…''
''…cursed…''
''…demon…''
''…demon…''
''…dead…''
''…dead…''
''…demon…''
''…dead…''
''…dead !''
''…dead !''
''…Dead !''
''DEAD !''
'DEAD !''

''JACK !''

The boy jumped when the door was suddenly kicked open. It pushed him and threw him on the ground, were he could see debrits of ice being sent in the air. Hiccup rushed inside, loosing balance in his boost, panting and eyes wide in panic. He barely calmed down as he spotted Jack. Dropping on his knees, he almost launched himself at Jack, cupping his face.

''Jack, what's going on ?! What's wrong ?''

The boy winced. Despite the sweet wamrth of Hiccup's touch, he pushed him away. He didn't want this warmth. He didn't want to want it. Not if it was self-serving. As if he was even deserving such warmth.

''Leave me alone…''

''Jack-''

''No ! I don't want to be a burden ! I'm just a nuisance for the troupe, I'm useless !''

Without controlling it, Jack opened a door on the tourmented maelstrom of his thoughts, and all of it started to pour out, escape and explode outside.

''You guys wanted me to make a magic show for the circus, but look at me… I can't. I can't help you, I'm just cubbersome, I'm worrying you… look how helpless and useless I am, you better leave me…''

Ignoring the previous rejection from the boy, Hiccup cupped his face again, forcing him to look at him. Acid, infuriated green eyes dove into the despair of arctic blue. But the anger was not adressed to Jack.

''Who put something like that in your head ?!''

Something changed in the green eyes, like sudden realization, then his grip on jack tightened.

''Was it Merida ? Did she tell you something ? What did she say ?''

Silence.

Complete silence.

Even the wind had stopped howling in the room. Hiccup had given time for Jack to calm down, simply staying by his side without a single word.

And now they were there, both in silence, sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed. Jack had calmed down and accepted to tel him his conversation with the princess. What she had told him, how it had echoed with his own doubts and fears, and how ashamed he was feeling for questioning his trust in Hiccup and the other performers.

Then silence had struck. It seemed to reign for decades, for an eternity, but at the same time the world seemed to have frozen around them. No, it was not silence reigning. It was entropy. Absolute void. Nothing was moving anymore. Nothing was living anymore.

Jack felt like he was encaged in ice, the feeling fed by the shivers still wrecking his body, usual remains of using his magic. Even his breath was cold, turning into mist in front of his face, into the frisk air. Despite of this, Hiccup was still there, sitting next to him. He didn't leave his side, even if was not saying anything. Jack didn't dare look at him. He didn't want to see the expression on his face, he didn't want to see hints of what the tamer was thinking. Because, in this very moment, what was going on in the auburnet's mind was scaring him.

That's only when the last shivers wore off that the silence was finally broken. Hiccup spoke as if Jack had just finished his explanations, making him wonder if this agonising silence had really existed, or if it had only been in his head.

''Don't mind what she said.''

Jack's fingers squeezed his cape, the worn off tissue really suffering from this repeated nervous treatment. Closing his eyes, his nose started to itch, this familiar burning in the back of his eyes coming back. He thought about how ironic was Hiccup's words. How was he supposed to don't mind what the princess had said ? How could he since it was echoing with so much thoughts he had had for a long time ?

Hiccup sighed before speaking again. ''Merida had some bad experiences in her life. She's been raised in the middle of royal politics, she virtually only met people interested in power. Even the suitors for her hand only wanted her for her crown or because they owed it to their chief father.''

Jack finally dared to look at the tamer, whose face was still upset. Was it why Hiccup wasn't giving credits to Merida's words ? Because he was thinking she had an faulty opinion ? The boy's heart ponded as his beaten hope was rising again.

''So, what she said…''

The auburnet sighed heavily.

''I can't really say she's wrong either. Not entirely. I don't think everyone is always interested or want some reward for their actions, but I agree on the fact that people always have reasons to do something. There is a reason behind each action. It just not necessarily means these are bad reasons. We can act to defend our values, out of respect or love for people we are close to, or what we truly believe in, deep inside.''

Jack didn't reply. He kept his head low, his thoughts wandering again. A question was burning his lips and tongue. He was dying to ask Hiccup, so he could finally know, but at the same time he was afraid of the answer. He was afraid to be disappointed, that it would shatter the vision he had of the dragon tamer, that it could forever change the way he was seeing him, and that it could hurt him. Still he needed to know. Doubts, insecurities and infinite hypotesis was just too much of a torture, and much worse thatn what the actual answer could do.

''Why…'' He asked in a whisper, voice shaking. ''Why did you save me, that night ?''

from the corner of his eye, he could see the auburnet's shoulders shagger, and heard him sigh once more.

''Because of my values and my mother's, I guess.''

''You guess… ?''

Another sigh.

''Maybe also because, back then, I already liked you. Loosing you, seeing you die like this, I… I couldn't bare it. I suppose I also couldn't let you go without knowing why they wanted you gone so bad.''

Jack sniffed unwillingly. Now he had his answer, but he didn't know what to think of it. Even Hiccup was not sure of it, so it felt like he couldn't trust this answer. However, at least, it was not because of his powers the tamer had saved him. That, that made him feel better.

As he struggled to find something to say, silence crept back. Heavy silence. Not as heavy as before, but still. Until Hiccup let out an amused breath, catching Jack's attention. Turning his head, Jack noticed how the forest eyes were staring at the ground. Curious, he looked too and found Sharpshot. Sharpshot who was sitting on the ground, looking intently at them even though he was confused, surely since the door had been opened. He was staying there, from a safety distance, not daring to come closer.

Jack wondered what was amusing Hiccup, and it didn't take long for the answer to come by itself.

''But if you want one good reason, only one, I saved you because I knew that Sharpshot would have been heartbroken if anything had happened to you.''

Jack froze, blinking owlishly. His blue eyes trailed back to the small creature, unable to look away, and that insistent look made the dragon react. As if it had been the permission he had been waiting for, Sharpshot hastily stood, swiping his tail happily, then bounced and flew right into Jack's arms. This time, the boy gladly welcomed him, hugging him tightly, burrying his face against the smal back. The purrs from the dragons vibrated against his skin, the warmth spreading in his cold body, and tears streamed in his eyes.

Once again, the dragon's warmth chased away the ice incasing Jack's heart. Despite all the torments and unsecurities woken up by Merida, the small dragon seemed able to chase it all away, feeding his hopes instead.

In the middle of this cruel world, even if everyone was self-serving, or simply had reasons like Hiccup said, in the middle of all of this, there actually was being who were only feeling. No hidden schemes, no backthoughts, only emotions and feelings.

In the middle of people who seemed to only see his powers, how strange Jack was, there was a small dragon who was only seeing the boy behind it, and loving him. Then Jack knew he could never reject the small dragon again, bcause that dragon had digged himself a place in his heart, and that if he ever was to loose him, he would loose a part of himself in the process. Just like he had lost a part of himself in tha pond, when his sister had died.

Sharpshot would never replace Emma, but he would be able to fill the hole left behind her. And maybe the circus artists would be able to fill the one left by his parents ? If he could just give them a chance, if he could just believe in it.