Chapter 20
A leap of faith

Jack didn't want to party anymore. Once Hiccup had left with the princess, even leaving Toothless behind, he was feeling empty. Until then, he hadn't realized just how much place Hiccup held in his heart, but obviously he had realized it the hard way. Despite how supportive his friends were, especially Ruffnut, his mood just wouldn't be brought back up.

He wasn't planning on enjoying the last day of the festival. The twins had offered him to come with them, strolling along al the shops and going to cheer all the sportive contests, but he didn't feel like it. He rathered the prospect of collapsing on his bed, alone with Sharpshot and Toothless, and cry while snuggling with them.

He was so down he was tired and only wanted to go to bed before collasping from exhaustion, but he was stopped by the entrance of the castle when a silhouette moved in front of him to block his way. A large silhouette. Looking up hesitantly, he was met with a slightly chubby face and an hesitant, nervous smile. It took him a few moments to recognize the boy who had been staring at him during breakfast. McGuffin.

''H'lo,'' the boy said.

Jack hesitated, taken aback. By reflex, he pulled at the colar of his hood, a gesture that had become an habit once Sharpshot was settling in his hood.

''Huh… Hi ?''

McGuffin's smile grew larger, more genuine, and his posture straightened and realxed, as if someone had suddenly chased his shyness away. At least, until Jack opened his mouth and asked : ''Can I help you ?''

The boy in front of him suddenly seemed small as he hunched a bit over, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.

''WeelhuhAhthoughtthatetwasehnicemornin'andwecouldmaybetakeehwalkAhmeanwouldyeliketecomewithmehforehstrollintehgardens ?''

Jack blinked owlishly. The boy's nervous smile vanished.

''Ahmeanonlyifyewantofcourse…''

Okay, so the boy seemed to have problems with articulating, but maybe it was his nervousness doing this ? Or was he always talking like this ? Jack felt a tug of sympathy for him, wondering if that boy had been laughed at for this. The way he was shrinking on himself and averting his eyes was saying he was expecting Jack to laugh at him. Obviously, Jack wouldn't. He himself had suffered enough scorns to know what it felt like, so there was no way he was going to do that to someone else. So, instead, he gave a tentative smile, a bit embarrassed.

''Excuse me, I didn't get it all. You said something about gardens, right ?''

McGuffin looke dup at him, seemingly at a loss. Then his eyes darted to the side, like he was thinkign about it. It looked like he was so convinced Jack would make fun of him that, seeing it wasn't the case, he didn't know what to do. After an awkward silence, McGuffin opened his mouth. Jack still had troubles to understand him. It was not much about articulation, but he was talking so fast and low that it was hard to catch all the words. Not talking about the accent jack was not familiar with.

''Ahwantedteinviteyeteastroll…Huhehdate.''

McGuffin lowered his head, looking even more embarrassed, but still hesitantly glancing at him. Jack took a moment to replay the words and dissect them, until he finally caught up with what it meant.

''Oh… But… I don't understand, why me ?''

The chubby cheeks of the taller boy blushed a dark pink while pale blue eyes averted him even more.

''Welltebehonestit'sbeenehbitoftimeAh'venoticedye. Thefirstdayactually. Yewereshybutyelookedsoniceandcaringwithtehothersespeciallythatsmalldragonandyersmileisjustsobright… sowhenAhmetyereyesthismornin'AhthoughtAhshouldtakemehchanceespeciallysinceit'stehlastdayoftehfestivaltodayandthatAhwon'tbeableteseeyebeforeehlongtimewell… Yeknow.''

Jack needed some time to dissect this too, but it didn't change anything tot he result. It was his turn to blush, though the red was a shark contrast to his paler complexion.

''I see… Thank you, huh… Well, this is embarrassing…''

Hehugged himself, feeling the need to hide in a corner. Never before had he found himself in such a situation, so he was at a complete lost of what to do to get himself out of this. Just like he had told his friends, he had never given much thoughts about dating someone, only taking care of his sister and, even back when he wasn't feared, if he had caught the interest of someone, he hadn't realized. Except for that girl who had stolen his first kiss, but he didn't have to talk to her after that because it had been the morning before the incident at the pond.

But this time, he couldn't just ignore it. It would be rude to. After having been ignored for four long years, Jack knew how much it could hurt, so he didn't want to put someone throught it. Especially someone nice like this McGuffin guy seemed to be. Jack didn't want to hurt his feelings, even less his self-esteem.

''To be honest, this is the first time I find myself in such a situation, so I don't really know how… You seem to be a good person, so I wouldn't want you to think it's against you. Absolutetly not. It's just that…''

Jack hesitated for a long time. He wasn't sure of what he had to say, how he could gently tell McGuffin he didn't want to date him, nore give him false hope. He wasn't even sure there was a nice way to do it. How could he tell him without making it sound like it was McGuffin the problem ? After a long thinking about it, he decided to just go with the truth.

''My heart belongs to someone else.''

Saying it out loud felt strange. Even if he had not spoken Hiccup's name, the auburnet was still in his ind when saying the words. Jack felt better after admitting it, but at the same time even worst while knowing what it was implying, knowing that his feelings weren't returned. He was rejecting McGuffin, but it also felt himself was being rejecting. The sight of Hiccup leaving with Merida crept back into his mind, but he willed it away.

McGuffin and him remained silent for a moment, Jack unable to look at him in the eye. Until McGuffin spoke. ''Jack, right ?''

The boy embued with magic hesiated, surprised McGuffin knew his name, which gave him the courage to look up at him. He slowly nodded to confirm. Much to his surprise, McGuffin smiled.

''Thankyefornotmakin'funofmeh.''

''You're welcome.'' Jack replied, a small smile playing on his lips.

The taller, larger boy nodded before leaving. Jack's eyes followed him as he did, getting lost in his thoughts. Somehow, he was admirative of the boy, it surely had taken a lot of guts for this guy to come talk to him, especially if he was as shy as he seemed, and even more if he was expecting to be laughed at. Jack was impressed, he had to admit, and a bit jealous too. Because he knew he wouldn't have the courage to do the same with Hiccup. Because he suspected the auburnet, even if he would do it way more gentler than Jack had just did, would still reject him for the princess.

However, even if he was trying, he coudln't bring him to believe it completely. A part of him was still hoping. After all, Hiccup had been so supportive, he even had been affectionate with him, and Jack hadn't been the only one to flirt the night they had met. And if the auburnet wasn't averting his eyes when Jack was getting lost in it, that had to mean something. Right ?

Of course not, or else the tamer wouldn't spend so much time with princess Merida. Hiccup had only been supportive because he was taking care of his friends and was naturally generous to the point of wanting to help Jack get rid of his past. Nothing more. Jack convinced himself he was thinking it too much.

Toothless warbling next to him brought him out of his thoughts, even more as the ebony dragon rubbed his head against Jack's arm, closing his eyes while purring. Jack smiled at him and scratched him behind the earplate. Toothless positively melted at it and tilted his head, meeting the petting. Then Jack decided that, unlioke what he had first planned, he wasn't going to lock himself in his room and brood.

Toothless had also ben left behind by Hiccup, he surely was feeling even worst than Jack did, knowing how the two had been best friends for longer than Jack had known them. So he decided that the dragon needed the cheer up. Jack was going to bring him to the festival, along with Sharpshot.

At least, it was the plan, but it was cut short the moment he made a U-turn to notice someone half-hidden by the door that had been on his back. Spotted, Astrid showed herself.

''I've never seen such a gentle rejection.'' She said with a smirk.

Jack tensed from head to toes. He had not noticed she was there, like at all, his ears blushing from shame at the thought of her witnessing the whole conversation.

''How long have you been there ?'' He asked more agressively than he intended to.

Astrid chuckled and came closer. ''Not long, just enough to hear the most of it.''

''Don't say that, please…'' He groaned, burrying his face in his hands.

''Nothing to be ashamed of, you know. You should be proud of yourself, actually, it went well.''

Jack shrugged, not really convinced. At first, Astrid didn't say anything, then she gave him a teasing smirk and elbowed him.

''So… who's that lucky person who owns your heart ?''

He rolled his eyes and tried for an escape, but she grabbed his arm to hold him back, apologizing even though there was amusement in her voice. ''Relax, I'm just kidding.''

That's when Jack met her eyes, and the ocean blue gaze shifted. He suspected his mood must be painted all over his face.

''Excuse me, I didn't realise it was downing you like that. Do you… Do you want to talk about it, maybe ? Not pushing you, obviously.''

Jack's first reflex was to decline, but he stopped himself. Actually, since he had started to open up to the others about his past, he couldn't not see the benefits it had on him, and found himself needing this more and more. As if he couldn't keep anything in anymore.

''Actually, yes, I think it'll do me good.''

''Okay. Let's find a quieter place, then.''

Jack nodded and followed Astrid, who brought him outside of the castle, Toothless on their tail. They quickly found themself on the edge of the forest, away from the festival's commotion, and sat on a bench while letting the two dragons run around and play in the grass, chasing after a floating snowflake Jack graciously made them.

''So,'' Astrid started awkwardly, ''I assume that everything isn't all sunny in the wonderful story of Jack and Hiccup.''

The boy started and gave her saucer eyes, making her chuckle. He didn't have the choice but accept the evidence that, like he had suspected, the others had noticed.

''I never said it was him, is it that obvious ?''

''One couldn't be more obvious.''

''Oh, great…'' he mumbled, running a hand on his face.

''Hey, don't worry. It's not the end of the world. It's quite funny, actually, and cute.''

''Please stop.''

''Okay, okay.''

She chuckled even more, then relented to grow quiet. A comfortable silence surrounded them, good mood radiating from the blonde while Jack, on his part, was growing more nervous.

''You…'' He hesitated, ''are you okay with that ? I mean… you're not angry ?''

Astrid gave him a confused look. ''Why would I be ?''

''I heard that Hiccup and you were together, before.''

''Oh, that was a long time ago, I moved on. We both did. We were like… fifteen ? And I would certainly not be dating Eret if I still had feelings for Hiccup. So don't worry.''

Jack felt a bit reassured, but also and mostly curious. ''Huh… That case, can I ask you why it didn't last between the two of you ?''

''Well… I'd say we were just not fitted for each other. I've always liked his soft side and his big heart, but sometimes he was too sensitive, or I was too rough. Surely both. I'm not exactly the delicate type, as you may have noticed.''

Jack smiled and nodded. He wasn't afraid of reprisals since he had long learnt that she was actually taking this kind of comments as compliments.

''There was a lot of times when I ende dup hurting his feelings. There's so much he can take in, you know, and when he couldn't anymore. Well, you can imagine why he's the one to tame dragons, of all of us.'' There was a dry laugh, then Astrid sighed. ''Hiccup needs someone strong enough to support him and share his different opinion, not push him beyond what he can endure. As to me, I need someone who can put up with my punches and not hesitate to make me see when I'm going too far.''

''Is that what Eret is for you ?'' Jack asked, half serious, half teasing. ''Some kind of punching-ball ?''

''Hey ! He gets me back good, sometimes !''

''Keyword here being 'sometimes'.''

Both laughed at that, so hard Jack's stomach started to ache. By the time they both calmed down, he wiped a tear of laughter. Astrid was smiling almost proudly. ''You know, I think Hiccup and you would make a good couple.''

Jack instantly felt heat creep up his face and neck, while his chest pinched painfully.

''But you just said he needs someone strong-''

''You're stronger than you think, Jack.''

He let out a bitter chuckle, despite himself, while looking down at his thin arms.

''I'm not talking about muscles.'' She insisted. ''I'm talking about mind. You sure are the strongest of us all in the troupe.''

''How come ?''

''If I had experienced what you went through, I think I would have killed myself in the following weeks. But you, you're still here, you stood back up and you even smile again. That's really impressive, you know, that earns respect.''

Jack searched her gaze, and the sheer sincerity he found in it ought to alleviate his mood a bit. Only a bit.

''Actually, it crossed my mind. Several times. That night when my old clan tried to hang me, I had gone to the pond to actually try and kill myself.''

''But you didn't do it, Jack.'' Astrid assured, taking and squeezing his hand. ''It proves how brave you are.''

''The only thing that stopped me and saved me, is Hiccup. It's him who helped me back up.''

Astrid's smile widdened. ''And that's exactly why I know he's fitted for you. That's good for him, you know. Knowing he's able to help you and make such a difference, it's really good for his self-esteem and own inner strength. And you easy-going and carelessness help loosen his stress, too. He's lighter and more free when he's with you. Now you see why I think you guys are a perfect match ?''

''I'd like to believe it too, since he seems more interested in the princess.''

''I'd like to see that. I'd see her with someone more self-confident and who can handle themselve on their own. Merida is way too independant and self-centered, and that's why Hiccup only sees her as a friend. Plus, it's obvious he likes you.''

Jack's heart did a funny loop at that, before it set into a marathon beating speed. His throat tightened and his mouth went dry, his hands sweaty. ''You think so ?''

''I know so, and since you guys met. I swear, he was ranting about you even more than the twins and Snotlout did. And you know how talkative they are. It lasted all day long, and before our show, he was so nervous thinking you wouldn't come. So imagine how happy he was when you showed up.''

Jack did remembered the beaming smile Hiccup had back then, just before Sharpshot had jumped on his face.

''Moreover, he was so devastated after rescuing you. What had happened to you, what your village had tried to do to you, that really shook him.''

''Exactly, that was before that night. Because nothing happened between us since then and-''

''What were you expecting from him ? Jack, come on, you know him by now, you should know he would have never tried anything in such circumstances.''

He didn't manage to reply. He had to admit she had a point : it really wasn't like Hiccup to take advantage of a moment of weakness, and Jack had had a lot since joining the circus.

''Knowing him,'' Aster continued, ''he's keeping all his feelings in so he can look after you instead. He's just giving you time to heal, doesn't mean he sees you as only a friend.''

''Are you… sure ?''

Jack's heart couldn't settle as it was soaring with hope, fighting valiantly against the cage that was Jack's ribcage.

''Positive. So don't worry. Take all the time you need, he's gonna wait for you as long as it takes.'' Astrid's comforting smile turned into a knowing smirk before she added : ''Especially if you give him some hints that you feel the same about him.''

Heat crept back on Jack's face so he quickly hid it in his palms. ''How… How am I supposed to do that ?''

''Jack, you're so innocent, that's adorable.'' She chuckled before leaning on the bench. Her smirk was getting way too smug and teasing for Jack's liking. ''You can sit next to him, so close your knees or shoulders brush. You can hold his hand, or stare at him with a smile, find ways to tell him that you care a lot about him. That kind of stuff. Just do as he does, since I suspect he has this kind of attentions towards you.''

When she wiggled her eyebrows at him, Jack was just too embarrassed to look her int he eye, quickly averting his.

''I knew it,'' she chuckled triomphically.

Jack remained silent. Several images were emerging in his mond as he started searching for the attentions Astrid was talking about. Truthfully, Hiccup had had some of them. When he had ran his hand along Jack's arm to reassure him when Jack was having his own room, alone. When he had come to keep him company after Jack had thought he had seen Emma in the crowd. When he had held his hand when Jack had finally shared the story of White the Cursed, how he had held him in his arms to comfort him, and how he had spent the night with him so he wouldn't be alone. Not mentioning this moment at the Standing Stones, laying in the grass, just looking at one another while holding hands.

Jack then saw the annoyment on Hiccup's face when princess Merida had come to fetch him, interrupting their moment, and how reluctant he had been to leave. Actually, he was practically the same thing that had happened during breakfast. His heart bea faster as he was linking things, as he was realizing Astrid was right.

He then realized his feelings had great chances to be returned. Astrid was claiming Hiccup wouold wait for him as long as needed, which was implying it was Jack who had to take the first step, who had to show Hiccup when he would be healed, when they could start to build a 'us'.

Jack wasn't sure he was completely healed, but he was sure Hiccup had allowed him to make huge progress, especially the past days, freeing him from his past and his fear of his magic.

He wasn't sure he was done with all his demons, but was he was sure of was that he didn't want to stop on this right path, and that he wanted to keep on progressing with the auburnet, towards the auburnet, towards this delightful warmth and happiness. Towards life.

Taking a deep breath in, trying to calm donw his exhilarated heart filled with hope and optimism, he made a decision. He was going to take example on McGuffin. He was going to gather his courage and, the next time he was to see Hiccup, he would take a leap of faith.