Chapter 21
Festival closure

Astrid went along with him to the festival. He neevr really got a chance to appreciate it during the week, and even hisexcursion with Ruffnut had only given him a glimpse of it. So he took great pleasure discovering the shopping stands along with the competitive sports.

Unlike the first time when Ruffnut had dragged him everywhere without giving him time to appreciate or really see anything, this time it was Toothless who put them in a hurry. Indeed, if Sharpshot was staying put in Jack's hood – sometimes climbing on his shoulders to get a better look or ask for some petting – the Fury couldn't stay still and was running so fast he was constantly loosing the rest of the group. Luckily, he also was noisy and caused enough agitation for Jack and Astrid to know where he was even when eh was out of sight.

The tall, clumbsy dragon even toppled a stand, spreading at least five crates of apples in the grass. The seller saw red and forced them to pick it all up, thought it proved as difficult to do so as to prevent Sharshopt from helping – the merchant couldn't decently sell apples if they were marked with dragon's teeth and half-covered with drool.

At least, they laughed of this mishappn, but certainly not as much as they laughed of Snotloutand Dagur when they spotted them taking their chance at the oxen rodeo. The two guys spent more time on the ground than on the beast's back, one refusing to accept defeat and the other taking great pleasure in giving the rebelious mount threats of death. Heather, among the crowd watching from outside the pen, waved at Jack and Astrid, who joined her. She assured Jack that threats were part of the sport for her brother. Jack learnt more about the Berserker clan and their traditions, they used to be so extreme that death threat could be taken as compliment or even simple greeting.

''Is it why Snotlout and him are constantly insulting one another ?'' Jack asked.

As they were talking, the both aforementioned were doing just do. Each in a neighboring pen, the stocky dark-haired guy wipping dirt from his pants, they had stopped the contest to yell at one another, letting out some colorful swears and defying the other to do best at the next round. If Snotlout was so infuriated he was spitting, Dagur was snickering like a maniac. Heather snickered too, the sound way different despite the fact she was wrinkling her nose just the same way as her brother.

''No,'' she explained, '' that's just their usual dynamic. Snotlout is always competing with the other men surrounding him. He's a little – well, a lot – self-conscious about his height so he tries to prove he's the strongest. And he trains so much he did become the strongest, hense his show.''

''True,'' Astris norted. ''He felt so threathened when Eret came along, he gave him a hard time. He was persuaded that Eret's suprem goal was to outstage and humiliate him.''

''I don't even remembered how it had been settled,'' Heather smiled, before stopping herself so she could cheer her brother and boyfriend up.

''Look at me, babe !'' Snotlout bragged, ''I'll beat th'shit outta 'im !''

''Unless I eat you first !'' The redhead bellowed back.

Jack was almost expecting him to climbg the fence to jump at the dark'haired' throat, but he simply laughed and jumped on the oxen's back, which kicked him back to the ground. Another giggle rippled through the three other performers from the circus. Astrid then went back to their previous topic : ''I think he only calmed down when he beat Eret to the wrestling arm. He soundly beat him, twisted Eret's elbow.''

''Oh yeah, I remember now ! Poor Eret. At least he was left alone after that. Dagur still had to put up with Snotlout's constants jabs.''

''Maybe that's because Snot still feel sthreathened ?'' Jack offered.

Both girls turned to him, giving him questioning looks. Jack shrugged with a small smile. ''he's your brother. Snot must feel like he has to compete for your attention or something.''

''Boys,'' Heather scoffed, shaking her head fondly. She looked back at the two competitors, her green eyes getting fogged up with thoughts. It lasted a bit, until she ventured on another topic : ''How was it with Emma ?''

She gave Jack a soft smile, a bit hesitant. Jack suspected she was afraid to unease him with this sensitive subject.

A few days ago, just hearing this name would have pushed him back into his shell, push him back into the dreadful memories, horror, guilt and grief. He had almost expected it to happen, but soothing words from Hiccup echoed in his mind. The words Hiccup had told him the night when Jack had told him everything in details. For so long, Jack had felt guilty for his sister's death, convinced he had killed her. Hiccup had told him otherwise : Jack had risked his life to save her. She could have survived if she had listened and left to try and get help they both knew wouldn't have been on time for him. But she had returned the favor. She also had risked her life to try and save him. It had been her decision. It had been an accident. And Hiccup had been convinced that, seeing how Emma was like Jack, she would have been happy tthat her brother had made it through.

''You must have been a great big brother,'' Heather added.

Jack smiled. ''I was always annoying her. I loved to tease her, and mostly make her laugh. I was doing everything I could to keep her happy and entertained. Sometimes I wonder how she could put up with all my antics.''

Willing the memories away, he focused back on the present, on the two young women by his side. They were looking at him as if he was the most adorable thing in the world, as if they were melting. He was about to ask them what was going on with them, when Astrid pulled him in a hug. ''That's just so you,'' she said, ''always looking after the others before yourself. I hope that, now, you understand why we're all taking care of you.''

Jack hesitated, tilting his head on the side, the same way the small dragon napping in his hood used to do. Astrid smirked while Heather's smile softened. The raven-haired girl was the one to answer his unspoken question : ''Who would look after you, otherwise ?'' she asked while ruffling his hair ''Someone has to return at least part of all that you give us.''

Jack couldn't find his words. He wasn't sure about what they were saying since he was feeling more like a burden for the troupe. ''You guys give me way more,'' he assured.

''I highly doubt that,'' Astrid stated firmly. She shifted all her weight on one leg and started to count of her fingers. ''You helped Ruffnut when she was being beaten, you convinced Valka to keep the twins and Snotlout, you're a good influence on them since they had completely stopped scaming people since you're here, you're of great help to Hiccup with the dragons, I haven't seen him this light and relaxed since you're here, and you saved his sorry ass back at the Windy Mounts.''

''Not mentioning for Gods sent cooking,'' Heather added with a dreamy sigh.

Jack could only help but blush at the numerous compliments. Scorns and laughter, he could handle. Compliments ? That was too new of a territory.

Since his arrival at the circus, he had been so focused on his inner troubles and his past that he had never noticed making a positive difference for them. He was convinced he only was a burden and causing them troubles, and had come to fear they would seem him like this, too. He had not imagined they coudl see him as helpful and reliable, and suddenly he realized he was far from as useless as he had thought.

Jack spent the whole day at the festival with Astrid and the dragons. Granted Toothless and Sharpshot animated the stroll in a chaotic way – spreading havoc among the stands when Toothless was bumping in it or toppling some over, and when Sharpshot was getting his claws and teeth on food – but they also proved added voices to cheer up their friends in the different sport competitions.

Jack cried from laughter as he saw Ruffnut and Tuffnut defying bystanders to their own improvised contest : shield fights. Eret earned a new record for the fight against oxen – which consisted in pushing the oxen behind a line, not really fighting it – which earned him roaring cheer from his proud girlfriend. Astrid even left Jack for a moment so she could grant the tall guy with a kiss.

While she was away, Jack glanced to the crowd around him. He couldn't help it, he had to check if he could see Hiccup's face among them.

''Still searching for our dragon tamer ?'' A familiar voice teased.

Jack jumped and felt heat creep up his face even before meeting the knowing look of Astrid. He wondered how long she had been back and making fun of him, while her lopsided smirk and her proud flare gave him the urge to make her quiet even before she opened her mouth again.

''What are you implying ?'' He grunted.

''Nothing.'' She rose her hands in a mock surrender, ''Just noticing. I notice that it's the third time in a short time that you scan the crowd. I notice that you look dejected when not finding what you're looking for before, each and every time, glancing at Toothless. So I assume you're looking for Hiccup.''

If it was possible for the ground to open up and swallow him whole, Jack wished for it to do it this instant. Especially since, not only Astrid was going to tease him, but she would also try and stop him from seeing Hiccup that soon. He coudl already hear her telling him he was still too fragile and needed more time. that's why her following words took him aback.

''Promise, if I see him, I'll tell you right away.''

The look he gave her probably looked like a fried fish since she stopped walking and rose an eyebrow. ''What ?'' She looked offended, ''you think I can't be a good wingmaiden ?''

''No, that's not that. I'm just surprised. I was expecting you to try and deter me.''

Astrid rolled her eyes and turned to face him, putting her hands on his shoulders in a solemn fashion, her sharp blue eyes intently looking in his.

''Seriously, Jack. I think that, if someone here knows how you're actually doing, it's you. If you weren't ready for love, that wouldn't even cross your mind. I trust you, and I know you're stronger than you look. So if you deem yourself ready, I have only one thing to say : go get him.''

Jack was positively reinvigored by this. He was so ready to talk to Hiccup next time he saw him. However, it looked like the Gods weren't favoring him that day. Because, in the end, Jack didn't see Hiccup during the day. He couldn't even spot him from afar, in the crods. that's only during the great banquet in the evening, organised in the throne room to celebrate the end of the festival, that he finally saw him.

Hiccupw as sitting with Mala, Dagur, Heather and Snotlout, cherrful conversation making them laugh. Toothless spotted him and instantl left Jack and Astrid's side to bounce between the table and ram into his tamer, rubbing his head on Hiccup's back.

Jack's breath caught in his throat, his body suddenly frozen, eyes focused solely on the auburnet. It felt like discovering him all over again since the young man seemed to beam more than usual, green eyes sparkling and a beaming smile on his face. Or was it just his conversation with Astrid that was giving him ideas ? He wasn't sure, but it was still a pleasant sensation. He wanted to just stay there, staring at Hiccup, though it could seem creepy from an outside perspective.

Astrid brought him out of his thoughts as she elbowed him, a knowing smirk on her face, quickly followed by a wink. ''Go on, go sit next to him.'' She prompted him with a soft voice.

That made him smile as well, a bubbling energy growing inside of him as he quickly made his way towards the table. Astrid's smiled softened, before she headed to another table, where were Eret, Valka, Gobber and Maud.

Jack was greeted with the warmth only friends could demonstrate, and he happily waved back. He sat down next to Hiccup, who was smiling at him while holding his excited dragon's head. Sharpshot was excited too, his eyes barely settled on food that he leaped from Jack's shoulders to go rummage in the plates.

''Where were you ?'' Hiccup asked, ''I didn't see you in all day.''

''I was with Astrid and the dragons, we went to the festival and, believe me, it was more than lively with these two.''

Jack nodded towards the two dragons, one happily munching on a chicken bigger than himself, the other sniffing at the potatoes in Snotlout's plate with a bit too much interest.

''I can imagine that,'' the tamer chuckled. ''Toothless didn't cause you too much trouble ? I know he can get quite grumpy and all when I'm not around.''

''Irascible, you mean,'' Snotlout scoffed, pointing to the auburn, before eyeing said dragon who was creeping closer to his food.

Hiccup shrugged like it was not important, focusing back on Jack to hear his answer.

''Really ? Well, he didn't. Actually, he's been adorable. Well, if you don't count the five or six stalls he has toppled off.''

Hiccup wasn't the only one to laugh at that. Snotlout slapped his own thigh, Dagur barked his laugh and Mala, who usually was calm and steady, proved herself even louder, making piggy-sounds from her nose. Jack realized it was the first time he heard her laugh freely like this. It was true he had spent less time with her, Eret, Gobber and Fishlegs than the others. He vowed to fix this once they were on the road again.

''What about you ?'' he asked Hiccup, ''where were you ? You must have been busy to leave Toothless with us.''

''Well… Yeah…'' Hiccup rubbed the back of his head in this nervous tic Jack was getting to know by heart. ''I was with Merida. We can't see each other often, so when the troupe stops by here, she tends to hog me. To catch up, I suppose.''

Jack could hear the sigh in his voice. ''You say that as if it was not a good thing.''

''Not really, actually. Don't get me wrong, I like Merida, but she can't stay put and she's way too fond of competition. She's always challenging me and dragging me in all kind of sports in which she knows she beats me.''

''Like horse-ridding, for instance,'' Dagur smirked.

Hiccup gave him a deadpanned look. ''Why, thank you for bringing up the subject, Dagur…''

Snotlout didn't help as he added : ''Sucks t'be you, ha ! You may be good with dragons, but with horses you suck. You don' 'ven stand on a saddle !''

''Neither do you,'' Mala nonchalantly said.

Dagur and Heather snickered lowly as Snotlout was gaping, speechless. Jack knew it would have lasted longer had the twins been there with them, but they were at another table, with Fishlegs and a whole gang of young warriors with the red and blue colors of the MacIntosh clan, all wrestling in a merciless food fight that Hookfang, Barf and Belch were staring at with unrestrained entertainment.

Drifting out of the conversation, Jack thought back to what Astrid and him had talked about. His gaze ventured towards Hiccup, who was quietly eating his soup while keeping an eye on Toothless. Jack had promised himself he would tell him his feelings th enext time he would see him. He had prepared himself to, but in this moment, in the middle of a banquet gathering four clans along with the circus troupe… that wasn't a good time for a confession.

He had no choice but to wait for a quieter moment, wait for the end of the celebrations even though it promised to last for the whole evening. And probably part of the night. They were sure ot be tired when they finally call it a day, and the following day promised ot be busy with packing up and go back on the road. Jack had no idea when he would have an occasion to confess, and he wondered if he would have the patience to wait until then.

So, to give himself this patience and gather some courage, Jack decided to apply Astrid's advices. If he couldn't openly say to Hiccup what he was feeling for him, he was still going to give him some hints. Taking a breath before holding it, he gently moved his knee so it could Hiccup's. He didn't dare look, but could still see him from the corner of his eye. Hiccup froze in his mouvements, his spoon stopping on its way to bring soup to his mouth, and he remained like this for a few seconds before depositing the spoon back down.

Jack was sure his face was bright red when Hiccup turned his head to him. His heart was going crazy in his chest, making it even more difficult to hold his breath. It took him a lot of efforts just to give a tentative look to the auburnet. Both just stared at the other, without a word, without moving. Jack was growing even more nervous, he had no idea what was going on in this auburn head, still he kept his knee in place.

He finally breathed again when he felt Hiccup's warm knee moving against his own, gently pressing back, and his heart skipped a beat seeing the smile Hiccup gave him. Though this smile had something akin of teasing, the green eyes were still so tender. Jack had troubles deciphering Hiccup's expression, he wasn't sure if Hiccup thought it was a funny accident, or if he understood what Jack was trying to tell him.

Everyone around them was getting blurrier in his mind, slipping away from his awareness, feeding the urge to just spill it out, tell him everything. Words were gathering and rushing in his throat, slipping on his tongue and threathening to burst out his lips. This urge to talk must have been showing on his face and the tension of his body since Hiccup's smile dropped and he straightening, turned towards Jack as if he was all ears, eagerly waiting for whatever the boy had to say. Jack thought he could see hope shining in the tamer's eyes, but he wasn't sure. In the end, his mouth opened without effort : ''Hiccup-''

''Meh dear friends !'' the Queen's voice echoed in the hall.

It instantly brought everyone to silence in the whole room. Jack gritted his teeth and gave an apologetic look at Hiccup, who seemed to be just as bothered they had been interrupted. Despite of this, they couldn't really start this conversation, so they did like everyone else and focused on the Queen.

Jack couldn't bring himself to focus on this departure speech. He barely heard what she was saying, fidgeting with his sweaty fingers, glancing nervously at the tamer next to him, who wasn't looking at him anymore. Another glance and the eyes he met were of Snotlout, from the other side of the table. Snotlout who grinned a knowing grin. that's only thanks to that Jack managed to temper his nervousness, and focus on the speech, so he could escape his stocky friend's inquisite gaze.

The Queen spoke again about the frienship of the four clans, friendship that was the foundation of the peace, more than their traditions. She also said how the DunBroch clan was happy to welcome the other three. There also was an honourable mention for the Hairy Hooligan circus, who was applaused and cheered by the crowd and, for the twins, some good-natured boos from the MacIntosh with whom they had had that food fight.

''Before we conclude and let ye all return to yer victuals, Princess Merida had ehn important announcement te make, one which call fer other celebrations.''

The proud smile she was wearing didn't go unnoticed compared to her usual solemn nature. When she sat back to her throne, she even looked eager, her dark eyes glimming as she was watching to her daughter who rose from her own seat. Merida held herself high, chin high and a large smile on her face while her eyes scanned the crowd.

''Dear friends, dear allies, talented troupe of teh Hairy Hooligans, it is with great joy that Ah share with ye the happy news of meh bethrotha !''

Cheers were already erupting in the hall, started by the King himself who was knocking on his armrests to applaude. Others followed by stomping the ground to make as much noise as possible. Princess Merida chuckled and held her hands to ask them to calm down.

''Come on, calm down, don't tell meh ye dun want te know who is meh bethrothed.''

The cheers died down even though several voices yelled to be heard, demanding to see the fiancé, or the lucky guy like some called him in this chaos. Princess Merida snickered and turned her head towards Jack's table, who tensed by reflex. Why was she staring towards them ? Starting to sweat anew, Jack didn't dare avert his eyes but fel tthe urge to check behind him, because he had to be getting ideas, she surely was staring at the table behind them.

''Hiccup Horrendous Haddock teh Third, come join me !'' She claimed.

Jack froze. His ears started to ring while the cheers erupted again, even louder, all around him. It seemes like someone near him shouted a ''What ?!'' but he wasn't sure who. That sounded like Snotlout. Icy water seemed to have been poured onto him, covering him from head to toes, unabling him to move, or even breath. His chest constricted as if it was turning to stone. He couldn't move, and he didn't dare look at Hiccup. A bubble of silence and freezing cold formed around him, trapping him, like claws stabbing into his back, arms and chest.

Something grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. He couldn't react, until he was met with a pair of agitated green eyes. Even if there was three persons with green eyes at his table, only one of them had this color of sunlit forest. Hiccup was gripping tightly at his shoulders, looking panicked, his face pale, visibly trying to catch his attention. Jack felt like hearing him throught a veil of water, his voice turning distant and undefined. He still managed to catch some of the words, and realized it was hard to understand also because the auburnet was stuttering, struggling with his words in his haste to voice them out.

''Jack, it's not- We're not- It's a misunderstanding, I- I'll…''

Jack couldn't really hear what he was saying, and couldn't make anything of the last one Hiccup told him before he got up and left. Jack could only watch as the tamer walked to Merida. His mind was floating on an ocean wracked by a thunderstorm, his ears ringing into deafness, tuning off the chaos of applauses and cheers along with the voices of his friends trying to call him. His eyes were fixed on Hiccup's retreating back, but it felt like his vision was also blurring. When the ringing sound turned into a faint buzzing and the flows in his head started to make him dizzy, trying to make his whole body sway, his got up to his feet.

He was suffocating. He had to get out of there and quick.

And he didn't wait to do so. He wanted to escape, run as far as possible from this place, quickly going somewhere calmer, but his body was struggling to follow his command. He didn't left the hall by running like he intended, but with shaky, swaying steps. He found himself leaning on a wall, struggling to clear his mind so he could find his way to the exit. It felt like forever before he could feel the fresh outside breeze on his face. But it didn't sooth his suffering. So he went farther. He went to the forest and filles his nose with the scent of the trees.

Then he thought back to the Standing Stones. Remembering how he had been at peace there, feeling free and himself, and how the magical tickling had put his mind at peace, he hoped it could work again. This thought pushed him to walk faster, dominating the shaking so he could run. He tripped a few times on roots and peebles but he didn't care, he kept on running and going deeper into the woods. Having walked back from there on foot instead of dragonback allowed him to find back the place.

He barely reached the stones that he dropped himself against one, clinging to it as if it was his last resort. The sea raging in his head then started to escape through his eyes. And the floodgates opened, sending waterfalls on his cheeks, sobs and hiccups rushing in his throat and twisting his voice into a high-pitched mess. He slidded against the stone until his knees touched the ground, his forehead pressed against the cold, vibrating rock.

He clenched his fist against his chest in a desperate attempt to shut down the pain reigning there. It felt like someone was having fun stabbing him repeatedly, only pulling out the dagger to stab him again and again, right into the heart. A terrible feeling of betrayal was burning his insides.

Hiccup didn't love him. It was Merida he had chosen, it was her he wanted to be with. They were bethrothed, and the auburnet hadn't even told him. He had let him feed on false hopes by adressing him those soft looks, by being so kind to him, but actually Hiccup didn't feel anything for him.

And Astrid was not better, she had lied to him. She had let him believe his feelings were returned, she even had encouraged him to confess. All for what ? To break his heart ? Because it had not been enough that Burgess and his family had done it already ? Was this some kind of game for them ? They had picked him up, had spent months putting him back together, only to shatter him once more ?

A pathetic whimper slipped from his lips, filling him with as much anger than sorrow. He was angry at Hiccup, at Astrid, but also and mostly at himself. He was mad at himself for having been tricked, for having let his guard down. But above all, he was mad that, despite this sheer pain, he was still thinking about Hiccup. He wanted to hate him, he really wanted to, but he couldn't. Despite the auburnet not returning his feelings, he was still loving him.

Why ? Why couldn't he just will this pain away ? If only he could freeze it like he was freezing the stone he was leaning on. If only he could freeze his heart so he couldn't feel the pain anymore. It would spare him so much pain. It would spare him from another heartbreak. Nobody could hurt his feelings if he didn't feel them.

He had learnt to control his magic thanks to this place, so now that he was back, and that his magic was so responsive to his tourments, he could try. Trying to steady his breath and hold back his sobs, he straightened his back, still kneeling on the ground, and pressed a hand flat on his chest. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to do it, nore if it was going to hurt. He only knew that the physical pain coudln't be worst than the emotional one already breaking him.

He took a deep breath in and closed his eyes, trying to focus. The wind around him howling in his ears wasn't helping, so he first focused on calming this tiny storm raging just around him, slowly lifting it. However, once the wind stilled, he opened his eyes in a start as he heard voices near his position. Of course, he should have known his friends would follow him, try to catch up with him. He blew a long sigh.

Who was he trying to fool ? Hiccup not returning his feelings and choosing Merida didn't mean the others didn't care about him. Even Hiccup, actually. Maybe the tamer didn't love him back, but they were still friends. And running away like would just worry him and the others. As to freeze his heart… that wasn't a solution either. It was just running away. Jack was tired of running away. He was tired of getting scared at the first difficulty. Astrid thought he was stronger than he seems, and he wanted to believe it was possible. He wanted to become stronger.

So he rose to his feet and turned back to the forest. The storm had stilled, it still left snow around him, covering a good half of the circle of Standing Stones. Jack dismissed it and headed towards the voices. But he only took a couple of steps before realizing he didn't recognize the voices. He didn't know them. When silhouettes started to emerge from the woods, Jack hastily hid behind the nearest tree.

He then spotted four men whose clothes had nothing to do with the tartans of the four clans from Broch. These men had thicker, more covering clothes, chain-mails and long narrow boots going up to their knees… and weapons.