The Voice - from the start
He'd managed to fight and stay present and in control until the device. The device they'd shoved in his brain had shattered his mind and sent him into a place where he could watch, he could see, but he couldn't control.
Then he'd still tried to convince the part that was in control to fight.
The Vagues had fixed that very quickly.
He was asleep or barely there for many years. Anytime he was able to speak or try to break through it had always ended with the Asset getting hurt. He could feel the physical pain. Brutal, soul crushing, mind bending, unending pain.
The Asset tried to keep him silent after that.
The cold always made it harder for the Voice. Years of stasis, meant he'd slip further into the darkness. Sometimes so far, he couldn't see the light entering his own eyes.
He remembers the girls. Something about them made the Asset hesitate. The Voice was able to take over and help.
Stay Calm.
Don't hurt them.
Teach them.
Save them.
Learn the whistle.
Quick, wipe their tears.
Hide the gifts.
It wasn't so much that the Voice was speaking to the Asset. Because he wasn't. It was more just the general base of who he was. The unbreakable spirit that arises when someone else needs his- my help. The Voice figures out that if he can give the Asset the impression that his thoughts are 'mission protocol' then the Asset was more likely to understand the command and follow through.
The voice relishes in drawing even if the Asset doesn't know why or how.
Even in the fractured section of his mind, he sobs and howls at the digging of the tiny holes.
Graves.
His fault.
He got them killed.
The Voice convinces the Asset to leave little markings. Rocks placed just so.
He would not forget these girls.
His fault.
The Voice sees Howard's lifeless face at his feet. He cries and Hydra punishes him for it.
The blinding and the in-ears make the Voice woozy. Lack of sight is lack of knowledge. The input the Asset receives from his hands does not reach the Voice.
The Voice loses traction after that.
Anytime he has a chance, he fights. Fights for control, for the ability to escape, to do something, anything to make up for his wrongs.
But the Asset is in control.
"Did you know Arnim Zola experimented on your buddy, Sergeant Barnes back there after his capture at Azzano? Split the guy in half and pulled out his insides. Did you know? Did you know your buddy was a human meat pie there for a while?"
The Asset doesn't know what his Handler is talking about.
The Voice rails against his mental prison, shouting, and causing anguish to the Asset.
But the Asset stays still and eventually the Voice grows weary and quiet.
After causing the Asset to have his tongue practically burnt off, the Voice shrinks back into a corner and stays silent. He's put into cryo anyways.
—-
It isn't until the mission, where they let the Asset keep his vision, that the Voice perks back up.
He's almost excited to go on the next mission, but the Vagues say he'll be blind again. Damn.
"Either way, we don't stand a chance against Barnes without him."
The Voice hates them saying those words. He just doesn't know why.
The fight, even from his blinded space in the mind, is enjoyable. He can feel the Asset's glee at having an almost equal opponent.
The Asset grabs something out of the air and even through the lack of sight, tinny hearing, and inability to feel or control his own body, he feels the overwhelming possessiveness of what's in his hands.
Ours. Ours. Ours. It's ours. It's OURS.
The Asset hears him but does not respond.
Then the Voice hears something that does not register to the Asset, but sets the Voice's essence ablaze, "Steve?"
He curses at the end of the fight, the Asset drops the thing that he knows is theirs and runs.
He remembers screaming at his body to save the man trapped in the helicarrier. The Voice doesn't know why, but he can't let this man die. He can't—
The Voice hears the screeching of metal and the skull splitting pain as a beam smashes against the back of the Asset's head.
The Voice tries to mumble, to speak, to let the Asset know he must save the man, but the world tumbles beneath their feet.
The Voice feels jumbled. He can feel pain, his occupied space is filled with throbbing and sharp jabs of agony. The Asset won't stop moving and he's woozy and nauseous.
The Voice can only vocalize one word when the Asset is touching something smooth and metal.
Ours.
After that… The Voice gets lost.
—-
The Voice - After Surgery
What will happen to the Asset?
The voice rattles around the space he's occupied for more than 35 years.
2014.
Holy Hell.
The last date he remembers hearing was…. He groans, he can't even remember that.
But.
He sighs and takes a deep breath. It's starting to come back. He's starting to get random information. He's reaching out through the Asset, fighting for his space back.
Except the Asset is here too.
At first they'd been melding well, joining, but the more the Voice took over, the more the Asset was starting to push back.
What will happen to the Asset?
And now they're having a hard time sharing.
—
Clinton Francis Barton
Clint's an easy going guy. Always has been. He's had to go with the flow his whole life. He'd be dead or worse if he hadn't adapted to all the curveball slife had thrown at him.
But… he glances at Natasha. And he pictures the young girl he'd originally found. The one he'd (luckily) been able to make see the light of day and come over to the good side (or what they had thought was the good side. Fuck Hydra really. Shield. Geez. What a waste.
But he looks at Natasha and he tries to put himself in Barnes' shoes. If he'd found Natasha, after becoming friends like they had, in the state Rogers' was in, brainwashed and wiped clean… Talking about being used as a weapon and the things they made him endure like he's talking about the weather and not the world's worst game of 'who had the least fun in life'. He'd be having a rough go too.
In the history books, they'd always described a young Bucky Barnes as charming, chasing skirts and being a real nice guy. Then the capture at Azzano had some red him a bit, but he'd always stayed on Steve's right, matching wit for whim and not letting anything get him down.
Of course the history books don't actually know shit because when Barnes was found in 2011, he'd been the crankiest man Barton had ever met.
They'd grown a bit closer after the battle. Fights normally forged a bond that you couldn't ignore, but Barnes' had never really let any of them in, except for Natasha. And even then… They both seemed to hold each other at arm's length.
Barnes had disappeared with Nat to DC and they'd heard barley a whisper, just the fact that they were going on missions for Shield.
And now.
He remembers the call from Tony.
"Barton."
"Stark? What the hell? How'd you get this nu— you know what. Forget I asked, what?"
"Get ready to go. I'm sending a jet your way."
"WHAT?" He'd groaned, "I just got off mission. I'm tired!"
"Shield down. Hydra's down. Barnes called."
Clint's brain had halted. Excuse me?
"HUH?"
Tony had given him a brief rundown of the debacle (which made him flip on the news) and holy hell the helicarriers were crashing into the Potomac. Oooookay that's not good.
"Barnes called you?"
"I know, it was a shock to me too. Promised him we'd come to DC."
"But… Why?"
"Just get on the jet, Barton."
"FINE."
Then he'd watched the equivalent of having acid poured into his eyes. Hours and hours of Captain America being tortured. Clint will never get some of the sights out of his mind. Not the emaciated body, not the blinding, not the screams, not the sight of his back torn open form being dragged. It's there. Burned in his mind. Forever.
And Clint had watched Barnes watch it and the absolute agony on Barnes' face had solidified in Clint that he would do whatever it takes to help him.
So here he was. Walking through an abandoned Hydra base playing 'what wonderful things did they torture you with in this room?'
Not his favorite pastime.
Eventually Barnes and Stark catch up to them and they search for whatever they can find.
"I think we should contact the other widows." Lydia offers, sitting on a metal table, legs swinging lithely. "They're not going to have much here, and if she's after him—" she points to Rogers, "then we need to be in the loop."
Stark looks up, "who wants who now?"
Natasha glances up from the folder she's holding. "I got a call the night before we left for here. About our old…" She pauses, looking at Lydia, "headmistress I guess you could call her. Ruthless old hag who tore us apart skin and bone before shaping us back into her mindless little assassins. She's the one who wanted Steve to sleep with her all those years ago."
Barnes' fist crunches through a table. Clint nods. He gets it.
"Wouldn't she be like… I dunno.. super old by now? She couldn't still—" Tony starts before a glare from Barnes shuts him up.
"She was in her mid 20's then. So she'd be in her 60's. She's a snake in the grass. Never knew what she was up to." Natasha says, her voice flat. "If she wants Steve, it's kill or be killed."
"Kill." Barnes says without hesitation. "She dies."
Clint looks up from the folder he is holding in shock. He knew Barnes was angry. Hell, he'd be fuming. But the pure hatred on his face is something he's never witnessed in person. Clint watches as Barnes' eyes fall on Steve, who is standing with his back to them, guarding the door, (they had not asked him to do this). Barnes' eyes get sad and agonized and then he grinds his teeth, staring at all of them. "Stark, I know you said I shouldn't go on a murder spree, and I'll try. But if I run into one of the bastards who I saw on any of those videos? No promises. Steve—" he chokes, his voice cutting out, "his ma's dying wish was that I do my best to help him. That was back when our biggest worry was pneumonia. But now? I failed him once. I'm not going to let that happen again. That woman has another thing coming if she thinks she's going to get her hands on Steve."
He's angry and his finger is jabbing the air in front of him as he speaks, expecting them to argue. But no one does.
"So." Clint hears himself say, "you think the cafeterias open?"
—
They do a bit more exploring before they notice Steve fighting to stay awake.
"Steve?" Lydia asks, "you okay?"
"The Asset is—" Rogers' voice cracks and it shifts, more emotion coloring it "I'm here." There's a gasp behind him, but Rogers' face contorts into a grimace. "The Asset is here."
Oh shit.
Barnes is at Steve's side, "Steve? Buddy, are you there?"
The man flinches away from him and stands at attention. Eyes falling blank and hands held tightly behind him. "The Asset is fully functional."
Clint thinks he's trying to convince himself more than he is them.
—-
The Asset
STOP.
Please. We can share.
Share?
I'll share. We can take turns.
How do we do that?
Just let me talk to them.. Let me take control.
The Asset tenses. He does not like giving up control. He's had no control for so long. Since his release or… reacquisition from Hydra to the Avengers, he's had more control than ever before. The Asset does not want to be shoved into cryo or a cell.
How does the Asset know you will return control?
There's a pause, a pause the Asset does not like.
I will, the voice says weakly.
No.
—
Clint Barton
They book a huge suite of a room, one with three separate bedrooms and a huge living space. They try to make Rogers' take one of the beds, but he refuses this time. He points to the space on the floor by the door.
"No." Lydia says firmly. "You are not guarding the door while we sleep." She points to the couch. "You're sleeping there. That's an order."
Barnes opens his mouth to protest but Lydia glares at him. "You want him sleeping on the floor?"
Barnes snaps his mouth shut, Grinding his teeth. "I want him to sleep where ever he wants."
"Steve?"
No response.
"Asset?" The man blinks up at her. The room shares a look. It's almost like he's regressing. Whatever war is happening in Rogers' mind between the 'asset' and the 'voice'… Well. Seems like the 'voice' ain't winnin'. "Where do you want to sleep?"
"The Asset does not have wants." Rogers' responds mechanically. Lydia stares at Barnes, waving her hand emphatically as if that's the response she expected and he sighs, looking dejected.
"Couch." Lydia says, pointing. "Order."
Rogers' moves to the couch and robotically removes his boots and jacket. Setting them to the side. Shoes lined up perfectly and the jacket folded with precision.
Lydia disappears into one of the bedrooms and comes back, dragging one of the comforters and a pillow. "Asset. Utilize these items." She drapes the blanket over Rogers' arm who does not verbally respond, except to stare at her with wide eyes. Eyes that can't believe he receives a pillow and a blanket.
Then Barnes walks to the edge of the couch and says softly, "are you hungry? Maybe you should eat before you go to sleep. You and I both need a lot of calories."
"Asset ate this morning."
Barnes swallows. "You need to eat more than once a day."
"Asset is allowed one meal a day. Only more on mission days."
Clint hears Tony sigh, but Barnes doesn't give in.
"Actually, under the Asset's new protocol. Three meals a day are required. And since we've missed one, we must eat a very large one to make up for it."
Rogers' doesn't seem to be sure about that.
Clint feels Natasha brush past him, resting a hand on Steve's shoulder in the same place they've seen Lydia touch. "Asset, are you hungry? Answer honestly."
"Affirmative."
"From now on, new protocol dictates you are to inform us when you are hungry. Do you understand?"
The Asset nods, his eyes wide and in disbelief and it's so freaking heartbreaking to see a grown man be told he's allowed to tell them he needs food.
Clint is liking Barnes' murder spree idea.
"The Asset is hungry."
Barnes gives a weak smile. "Okay. Sounds good. We're getting food. Clint? Order us a bunch of food from whatever place is still open."
Clint nods. He's out the door in minutes.
—
*Sorry for the delay in posting! I had a big deadline and now that it's past I should be back to regular updates! Thanks for sticking around!