It's not till they've landed in Heathrow for their layover, and he watches Steve stare out the huge glass windows that it hits Bucky.
She's here.
He's here.
He looks at his watch. They have 6 hours until their flight. They need to be in the airport at least 3 in advance. He google maps the address to her residence. 34 minutes.
They can make it.
It won't be a long visit, but it might be Steve's last chance to see her before…
"Asset." He says suddenly, getting the man's attention instantly. "I have a mission and I need assistance. Will you help me?"
He ignores the mixture of curious and surprised looks he receives from the others and waits for Steve's response.
"Affirmative." Steve responds, "mission parameters?"
Bucky takes one second to think about the terminology he wants to use. "The mission is visitation and information acquisition. "
He watches as Steve processes the information and furrows his brow. "You need the Asset for information acquisition?"
Bucky nods, "yes. The Asset has a special connection with our target and will be indispensable."
He doesn't know that. He doesn't know if Peggy will be having a good day or a bad day. She could not recognize them or maybe she would and she would freak out.
But Bucky doesn't waver. He feels in his gut that if there is an opportunity for them to see each other, then he will take it.
—
Natasha offers to go, but he turns her is something he needs to do with just Steve. They were a trio once, working towards the common goal of defeating Schmidt and fighting alongside the commandos. If… if Peggy sparked something in Steve… he didn't want anyone else there to shake the foundations. Steve knew him and Peggy around the same time, the others are strangers. He didn't want to risk it.
—-
The drive over is quiet.
Only once they get to their destination does Steve speak. "You said the target knows the Asset. How?"
"You've done many missions together."
"Name?"
"Agent Margaret 'Peggy' Carter."
Bucky watches as Steve stiffens, hands flexing against his jeans. "Do you recognize that name?"
"The Asset does not."
Bucky can hear what he's not saying. The Asset may not, but Steve must. The Asset seems suddenly anxious and Bucky feels a thrill of fear that he may bolt to avoid having Steve come out.
"Don't worry." Bucky says quickly, trying to allay the man's fear. "No previous knowledge will be needed on the Asset's part. The Asset is there to be useful to me. You will be able to extract information because she knows you not because you know her. No one but the Asset is needed."
He hates his words, but he doesn't change his mind. The Asset is fighting against Steve. And Bucky can't afford to let the Asset feel like he isn't wanted. If the Asset leaves, he takes Steve with hi—
He stops himself. The Asset is Steve. Whatever mental state Steve was in to need, or forced to create, the Asset, Bucky can't imagine. So he needs to stop hoping for one. He can accept both. He thinks.
"Let's go inside."
Bucky exits and is relieved as Steve follows him easily.
They sign in under aliases at the front desk and walk towards her room. They knock on the door and a papery but want voice says, "come in."
Bucky opens the door and steps cautiously inside.
"Peggy? It's me, Bucky."
The woman lies on a bed, in a soft nightgown with thick gray curls around her face.
"Barnes? Is that you? When did you—"
Her voice cuts off as her eyes flicker to his companion. She pales, "Steve?"
Bucky opens his mouth to correct her. To tell her that this is the Asset, but a voice cuts him off.
"Peggy—"
Bucky's eyes whip to Steve's where shock and distress and pinched eyes tell him about the mental fight that he must be experiencing.
"Peggy, you're—" he looks like he's going to fall over and Bucky reaches to steady him.
"Asset? You with me?" Bucky asks, fearful and terrified and the tiniest bit hopeful.
"No, Buck," a voice he feels like he hasn't heard in decades says, "it's me." They lock eyes and Bucky's heart stops. It is him. With all his earnest expression and wide-eyed wonder.
"You're… okay?" Bucky asks, as he leads Steve over to a chair by Peggy's side.
But Steve doesn't answer, eyes glazing back and forth, "he's—" he starts, wincing, "he's scared. I'm scared." He looks up at Peggy and despair crosses his face, "I missed our dance."
Peggy's face screws up and her eyes redden, "oh don't you go starting that now! I'm not to be brought to tears by a couple of mischievous soldiers." She lets out a brittle laugh that has Steve reaching for her hand.
"I'm so sorry Peggy. I didn't— I had to."
"Save Barnes?" She replies crisply, wiping at her eyes, "I know, and I have a feeling if it hadn't been him on that blasted Valkyrie, it would have ended up being you anyways."
The sharpness with which she says this makes Bucky take a sharp breath. They stare at each other and his throat goes dry. She's right. No matter what, their circumstances wouldn't have been different, just reversed…
"We're here now." Steve says, "I'm here."
Peggy, always too perceptive for her own good, says sharply, "are you?"
Steve winces, "I'm trying. It's… not—" he doubles over, pressing his hands to his temples, "I'm not as strong as him. He's had more practice in this body, he doesn't want to lose what control he just got back.."
The words seem to confuse Peggy but they make Bucky's blood run cold.
Peggy's thin hand reaches out and finds Steve's cheek. "Even now, so dramatic, tell me where have you been all these years?"
"With Hydra." Steve says without hesitation. "They made me their weapon."
Peggy's eyes find Bucky's and she looks stricken, he nods in affirmation and her face hardens. "I heard about the muck up in DC. I should have known. I feel—" she coughs, her face going pale and eyes glassy. She blinks back to reality only to look frightened at them.
"Who are you?" She asks, "why are you in my room? What do you want?"
"Peggy?" Steve asks, "it's me, Steve."
Peggy's voice is flint like and angry, "this is not a funny joke. Get out of my room! Get out!"
When they make no move to leave she sits up and stabs a thin finger at them. "You think I can't take you just because I'm here in this bed?" She reaches a hand under her pillow and suddenly Bucky finds a gun pointed at his face. He doesn't have time to register the fact that he isn't surprised Peggy had managed to find a way to have a firearm even though it seems incredibly unsafe given her mental state, because Steve is up out of his chair and blocking Bucky from Peggy's gun by standing in front of him.
"Agent Margaret Carter." Bucky winces at the obvious voice of the Asset having returned. "We're here for information. Nothing more."
Bucky peeks around Steve's massive shoulder and watches as the woman eyes them. She lowers her weapon and leans wearily back against her pillow. "What information?"
Steve looks back at Bucky and Bucky steps forward, around Steve to get into Peggy's visual again. "I'm wondering if Shield knew about Hydra holding Captain America hostage for 70 years. Had Shield heard of the Blind Reaper or any of his pseudonyms?"
It's not really something he came to ask, but in that moment it's vital to Bucky that Peggy hadn't known.
The woman eyes him without recognition. Her voice is wavering but there's still her usual strength as she responds. "If that were true, I would have clawed my way through every Hydra base until I found him. He died on a mission, in '44. Saving his second in command."
The way she says this, so factual, makes Bucky's heart twinge. "Why doesn't the world believe that he saved Barnes?" He asks, referring to himself in third person.
Peggy's voice gets brittle and angry. "After the initial fire set by a Hydra agent burned all of Captain Rogers' records. I attempted to make sure that knowledge was known. I was rebuffed multiple times."
"Why?"
She somehow has the ability to look more angry, "they informed me that they wouldn't take the word of a 'love-sick' fan of the Captain's. I tried to set the record straight many times, but they never would believe me. Then, when the records were released in the 80's I tried again, only to be told that my age or 'rose-tinted' glasses for Captain Roger's was probably altering my memories."
Bucky feels his metal hand flexing tightly around the bedpost. "Those bastards."
Peggy nods solemnly, "indeed. But I made sure to tell everyone I knew who would believe me. I wouldn't let either of their sacrifices be forgotten."
"Thank you." Bucky rasps out.
Peggy eyes them. "You two look very familiar. Have we met?"
Bucky nods. "Yes. Many years ago."
She blinks and seems to accept this, "I thought so, your quiet friend there has a face that rings quite the bell in my mind. What's your name, soldier?"
"The Asset." Steve responds quietly.
Bucky doesn't correct him, even though it's a knife to the heart to not do so.
Peggy eyes him with confusion, and Bucky can feel their time growing short. "Peggy, once upon a time you told Sergeant Barnes that you loved Captain Rogers. Was that true?"
He's toeing a dangerous line. But he wants Steve to hear it, just. Once from her own lips. Steve deserves that.
She blinks softly and smiles at Steve, "you look like him, you know? Now I see the resemblance. Very curious." She looks back at Bucky and sighs. "I've lived a good life. A happy life. But…" Her eyes flick to Steve, old age mixed with uncertainty about his presence clear, "I will always regret not telling Captain Rogers my true intentions. I loved that man more than words can say, and I loved him most when he was tiny and scrawny and jumping on a grenade back at Camp LeHigh."
Bucky's initial glee at her words fades, "he what?" He snaps his eyes to Steve who physically winces under his glare. "You what! Before the serum!?"
Peggy is now staring at them in anxious confusion and he knows he's getting close to a breakdown like last time. Steve just stares at her, emotions and blankness, taking their equal turns on his face.
"Buck." Steve manages to rasp out, before his face shuts down and the Asset speaks. "The Asset does not recall that mission. Grenades are painful, but the Asset can survive them."
Bucky's breath is thin as he draws it in slowly. How does Steve know that he can survive grenades? He shudders, eyes pinching shut. They need to leave.
"Agent Carter." Bucky says firmly, "thank you so much for your time. We hope to see you again."
They probably would not.
He looks at Steve who seems to be forcing himself to step closer to her. His hand shakily reaches out and lays on top of her frail one, "t-thank you." He stutters out, clearly fighting to be present in the moment.
She nods, albeit her eyes don't seem to fully register them.
They slip quietly out the door and back to their car.
Steve looks positively green by the time they return to the airport and find their group at security.
Bucky sits him down and speaks softly. "This isn't an order, but I ask that you stay put and don't move. I'm going to get you food, okay?"
Steve's eyes don't leave the floor but there's the barest of nods and Bucky takes that at a good sign.
He stands up and eyes the others. "Clint, Lydia? Would you make sure the Asset is okay while I go get food?"
Clint nods and sits next to Steve, pulling out his phone. Lydia sits in the seat on the other side, knees up to her chest. Natasha stands up and he nods, accepting her unspoken offer to join him. But before they walk away, he looks at Tony. "You said you knew Peggy?"
Tony nods, "Yeah, she and my dad worked together a lot. She's my godparent."
Bucky let's his shoulders relax. "I think someone should know she's hiding a firearm, possibly more than one, in her room. After her life, I don't blame her, but I don't trust her with it now either. She could hurt herself. I didn't tell the facility, but I know I needed to tell someone."
Tony's eyes are wide and he's already digging his phone out of his pocket. "I got this. I'll take care of it." Bucky thanks him and extends a hand towards Natasha. She grasps it and they walk towards the stalls selling food.
—
The Asset
The Asset is fuming. Furious. Except he's not allowed to feel those things, so he stays blank. But the Asset feels like he has been tricked.
The old 'her'—
It's not 'her' the voice snaps at the Asset. It's a woman. A girl. A lady.
Quiet. The Asset is in control.
The Voice does not respond.
Good.
The sight of the woman had caused the Asset to freeze. He didn't know why, but he had. And in his moment of uncertainty, the voice had taken control of the Asset's body.
My body.
QUIET.
The command is forceful enough to make the voice vanish for a moment and the Asset smiles. My Body. This is my body. And the Asset will not let himself be tricked into letting go of control again.
He thought the mission had accepted that. But the encounter with the… lady had told the Asset that the mission still desires the Voice over the Asset.
He's my friend. My brother. You have to understan—
I've protected you, the Asset snaps. Without me, you would have been killed by the Handlers a thousand times over. I've saved us from being tortured or killed when you would refuse to follow orders! I felt the pain, I took the brunt of their punishments.
I did that for 30 years before you.
I don't remember that.
It still happened whether you remember or not! Then the Voice grows quiet and a new feeling of elation blooms, there's a weighted pause before the Voice speaks again, You said "I".
Huh?
The voice smiles. He can't see it. But somehow the Voice exudes joy. You said 'I', you said 'me'! Yes! You're not the Asset. You're me. We are "I"!
Silence, the Asset commands.
NO. You and I are the same. We can work together. We can become whole again.
SILENCE.
No. I won't ever be silent again. If you won't work with me, then I will fight your control every step of the way.
The Asset is in control.
For now.