Bucky
Bucky stares at the menu of the food place in front of him without really seeing. The hand he's holding squeezes his, and he looks down at Natasha, catching her concerned gaze.
"He's in there." He whispers roughly. "Steves in there. Fully I think. Memories and everything."
Her eyes widen, "how do you know?"
"He took one look at Peggy and—" he grits his teeth, trying not to feel the jealousy and anguish at the thought that one look at Peggy had been enough to pull Steve from the depths.
But Natasha isn't fooled, she sighs and squeezes his hand again.
"He met you when he still had the device attached to his brain and he did know you then. Even then. Even being brain controlled. He's seeing her now after weeks of it being removed."
"I know." Bucky says quietly. "And when Peggy pulled a gun on us, he stepped in front of me, as the Asset, blocking me, protecting me."
Her wide eyes grow wider and Bucky laughs weakly, "even as the Asset he's a self sacrificing idiot."
"About that…" she starts, her eyes darting to the menu, trying to sound nonchalant, "what are we going to do about that internal battle?"
"I'm hoping Sam can help. I was reading about disorders like this, and I think… It's possible he can become just Steve again, but I don't know. It's not like the serum fixes mental issues."
Neither comment on why he knows that is true.
—
Clint
He can tell something is wrong with Steve. Or the Asset as they are now being forced to call him.
Well. Not forced, just… seems like the Asset likes that better. Because the Asset does not like that they want Steve more than him. And Clint gets that, he really does.
Buuuuut… It kind of makes Clint's head spin at the same time. He sighs at the stiff-as-a board man who stands at attention at all hours of the day. Whatever Clint needs to do to help he will.
Except he's not sure what they can do about this new particular problem.
"You need to sleep." Bucky pleads.
They'd returned to the Tower yesterday and had been informed by JARVIS that Steve— The Asset had stood on guard in the common room all night.
"The Asset was informed that he is under no handler's command. Is that still accurate."
Clint knows where this is going.
"Yes." Bucky says weakly.
"Then the Asset is perfectly functional without sleep."
"Not forever."
"The Asset will sleep when necessary."
His face sets in stone and Clint knows there's no arguing with him now.
He walks to the counter and gets a glass of water, sipping it slowly as Natasha sidles up next to him.
"Guess?" She barely mouths, ensuring that neither super soldier can hear her from where they stand in the living room.
Control. He signs in response.
Natasha's lips purse and she nods. Can't be in control when you're asleep, mentally or physically.
He will crash eventually. Natasha signs.
Will be ugly. He signs with a frown.
Bucky looks at them and their hands still. Bucky can't really sign much, but he picks things up fast, so they don't want to worry him with their line of thinking.
"Are you hungry?" Clint asks loudly. "We haven't eaten much today."
The Asset nods and Clint picks up the phone. "I'll order something, what are we feeling, pizza? Chinese?"
"Pizza." Both Bucky and Natasha say at the same time. Clint doesn't miss the way the Asset's mouth quirks up just slightly before returning to an intense glare.
Clint sighs. The internal battle wages on.
"Asset, you like pizza?"
"No memory of eating pizza."
Hhhhheeeeelllllllllll nnnooooooo.
"Those bastards." Clint growls. "How are they going to keep you from eating pizza?"
And he means it more as a not so funny rhetorical question but the Asset responds.
"The Asset was mainly on a liquid diet for ease of cryostasis or not given food at all unless necessary. Only on longer missions was the Asset given solid food when the usual liquid sustenance was unavailable."
Clint's eyes flit to Bucky. They kind of already know this information, but it sucks to high heavens to hear it again.
"Do you enjoy solid foods?" Bucky asks through gritted teeth.
"Affirmative."
"Then pizza it is." Natasha says easily. "Clint, order one margherita for me."
He's about to ask Bucky what he wants but the intense stare that Bucky is laying on The Asset makes his voice die in his throat.
"Order two larges." Bucky says sharply, his eyes still on Steve (screw thinking him of the Asset, Clint says internally) "mushrooms, black olives, and artichoke hearts on both."
Clint's eyebrows furrow, "artichoke hearts?"
"Just order it." The man snaps, and Clint has the feeling that Steve and Bucky have indeed eaten pizza together. "I'm going to the grocery store." He adds, "Clint?"
"Yeah."
"Call me. If—"
"Got it. No problem."
Bucky strides out the door, and Clint doesn't miss the way the Asset's eyes follow his departure.
—-
Tony
Tony had fled to his lab/workshop almost immediately after they'd arrived at the tower. The flight had been miserable, hiding in their crap disguises in economy. He knows it's snobbish of him, but he's never flown less than business class and he's used to it now.
He can afford to be a snob sometimes.
But he stares at the tiny metallic device that had up until a few weeks ago resided in one very divided super soldier's head.
The little metal clamps that had been inserted into the spinal cord, to stimulate them and ensure their control over Steve's mind make him physically queasy.
He has JARVIS scan this device, and once he's sure it and it's components have been properly recorded and saved, he takes his iron man gauntlet and obliterates it beneath his fist.
His phone rings and he glances up to see Pepper's face on display.
He smiles, calm flooding him as it does when he gets a chance to talk to her.
"Hey, Pep."
"Hello, " she says softly, and he can tell she's smiling, "I think… I think you'll be happy to know that quite a few, well-sealed, camera reels have been located."
"Oh yeah?" He asks excitedly, "can I get them shipped here?"
"Already on their way, and Tony—-" her voice grows a bit unsure.
"Yeah?"
"There's some other things in there I think you should see."
"….. like what?"
There's a weighted pause and he can almost see the way she bites her lip, unsure if she should say. "Some of them are video journals. Just your dad talking to the camera. They're labeled." Something about the way she says 'they're labeled' makes his heart stop.
"You sending those to?"
"No. That's your choice."
"Send them."
He can sense her surprise, "really?"
"Yep. Yep. Yep. Anything. All of it."
"Tony… there's a lot of stuff."
"Pep. I now have—" he stops. He hasn't told her about their additional super soldier yet. "Just send it all. Anything that pertains to the '40's and 50's probably. Anything might help.."
"Help?"
"Uh-hmm."
"Okay… you want the memorabilia too?"
His dad has memorabilia? Of course he does. What a stupid question.
"All of it, Pep, and come to the tower as soon as you can. We have a new guest."
"This have to do with the thing with Barnes?"
"Boy does it."
"Okay, I'll be over tomorrow."
"Come prepared."
"How so?"
"Just… I don't know… don't freak out."
—-
Bucky
The pizza arrives and he watches Steve intently as he opens the boxes. No reaction.
It isn't until Steve is taking a bite of the plate Bucky had made for him that he gets what he is looking for.
A slight widening of the eyes. A glint of something behind the thousand-yard stare. Steve had always loved food, even more so after the serum, eating anything and everything just to quell his appetite, but he knows the Asset was given the bare minimum, and surely nothing worth tasting.
So he'd told Clint to order what he knows is Steve's favorite pizza. They'd eaten it in Brooklyn and even a few occasions as they traipsed across Europe, slogging through the mud and snow.
"Is it okay?" Bucky asks nonchalantly.
The voice is wavering as it responds. Almost as if it's struggling to speak, "affirmative."
Bucky just nods, taking a bite of his own. Then he goes to the fridge where he grabs two glass bottled cokes. He brings them over, flicking the tops off like they used to do and setting one in front of Steve. "Here, something to drink."
Steve had loved Coke, any soda really, although back then there wasn't near as many options. But Steve had loved the way the carbonation had fizzed on his enhanced tongue. So, Bucky had walked to the nearest grocery store and grabbed the ones they had drank the most as kids. The taste was slightly different than he remembered, but it didn't matter. It was close enough.
He watches as Steve tastes it, eyes widening and then taking another drink. Draining it quickly and looking sheepishly at the empty bottle. He offers his own but Steve refuses. Bucky wants to cry. But he doesn't. It's just soda. It's not that his friend has been tortured for 70 years and denied even the simplest of human pleasures. It's just soda. He scrubs at his eyes angrily and takes a large bite of pizza to distract himself.
Tony makes his way up while they're eating and grabs a plate. He flips open the box and eyes the pizza. He stops. He looks up at them and something unreadable crosses his face.
Natasha is the first to ask, "what?"
"Who ordered this pizza?"
She looks at Bucky who leans to see which one he's pointing at.
"I did. It's—" he cuts himself off before he mentions Steve in front of the Asset. "It was someone's favorite back… during the war and before."
Tony's jaw is tight and eyes pinched in emotion.
"Fucking hell." He says, slamming two pieces down onto his plate.
"What?" Natasha asks again, "what's wrong?"
"My dad ordered this pizza every fucking July 4th while I was growing up and I'm so—" he bites down on his cheek and stares at Barnes. "I always asked to order it more often. I loved the combination of the toppings. But he said it was a special pizza. Never knew—" he cuts off and Bucky finds his voice fails him as his throat is tight and his nose burns in emotion.
"How can I be crying over pizza?" Clint says morosely, staring at his plate. "Fuck you guys."
Bucky and Tony just stare at each other for a minute, sharing the bond of how much Howard and Steve have affected those around them, and then their eyes trail to Steve who sits, plate empty, looking at them with a hint of confusion.
"Would you like more?" Bucky asks Steve, offering to refill his plate.
The man ducks his head down in a motion that makes Bucky's heart clench at its familiarity even if the word he responds with hurts, "Affirmative."
—
Natasha
Bucky refuses to sleep once he knows what Steve's plan is. Well, not Steve's plan. The Asset's.
He stays in the common room, and Natasha drags a pillow and a blanket into the room for herself. Lydia had not joined them at the tower. She'd been reluctant to leave Steve, but her status as an escaped widow with the Avengers would draw attention from the wrong people. So she had kissed Steve on the cheek, whistled her tune to him and disappeared into the shadows with a promise to stop in every once and awhile to check on him.
Natasha idly wonders what will happen if Steve asks to go outside.
Because while he might not be as well known as the rest of the Avengers, he still has a recognizable face, especially when standing next to Bucky.
Steve stands, staring out the glass windows, hands pulled at attention behind his back. Bucky sits on the floor leaning against the couch she's laying down on. Legs splayed as he stares at the ceiling. He's tired. She can tell.
"You should sleep."
He glares at her in response.
She huffs a laugh. "You know I'm right."
"If he's awake, I'm awake."
She just hums. "Asset?" The man turns and deep eyes stare into hers. She switches to Bulgarian: "Are you okay?"
He matches her in the language, "the Asset is functioning."
She can see Bucky staring at them. The serum is good, but you have to study the language to know it. And Bucky had been studying Russian ever since he'd discovered it was Steve speaking it on that day in DC. So she picks a language she knows she doesn't know, but is unsurprised that Steve does.
"What was your favorite part of a mission?"
The Asset blinks. "Espionage."
The answer surprises her,
"Oh, why?"
"Allowed to wear different clothes. Act like a non-Asset."
She chokes and it makes Bucky go on alert.
"What, what did he say?"
She shakes her head, heart tight at the admittance. Allowed to act human.
"I see." She responds, "I like those parts of missions as well. Were you ever allowed to wear a fancy suit? At a fancy party?"
And for the first time that she can remember, she sees Steve smile. It's a pleased and almost smug smile that makes Bucky draw in a sharp burst of air, holding her ankle. Steve nods to her question and it seems without his knowledge his hands start to move, gesturing as he speaks, "a few times. Usually to get information or to assassinate. The Asset was allowed to cut his hair and dress in a tuxedo. The Asset completed every mission of espionage with perfection to ensure he would be allowed to continue on such missions."
She ignores the assassinate part, not his choice, and she's not one to judge in any way. But Bucky is looking at her desperately, "what are you saying? Why did he smile?"
"He likes wearing a tuxedo." She says softly, brushing her forefinger under Bucky's chin. I bet he could give you a run for your money in one."
Bucky smiles weakly and looks at Steve, "you want a tux? I can order one for you. Any other clothes you want?"
"For missions?"
"No." Bucky says quickly, "no. Just for you. To have. To wear whenever you want."
"Maybe for a party." Natasha adds helpfully, "Tony throws great parties."
Steve stares at them, seemingly unsure of what he is supposed to say. But he finally stutters out an "a-affirmative."
"JARVIS?" Bucky calls immediately, "do you have S-" he stops, "the Asset's measurements?"
"Indeed, Sergeant Barnes."
"Can you order a black tuxedo… like the one I had to wear to that gala after New York? And then a deep blue one, with red threading." He glances up at Steve, "any other colors you would like?"
And the way the Asset hesitates before saying in a rush, "dark green" makes Bucky smile.
"Of course. Dark green. With those dark wooden buttons, and gold colored threading."
Dark green had always been one of Steve's favorite colors. He painted with it often, when he could, and he'd love missions in the lush forests or more Mediterranean climates. The fact that the Asset was asking for it… maybe there was a middle ground somewhere.
"Asset," Natasha asks in English, "do you enjoy swimming?"
The answer is quick and almost eager, "affirmative."
"JARVIS, order swim trunks in his size will you? Dark green ones and black and white."
"The Asset does not require multiple pieces." He says a bit unsure, "the Asset can maintain one in working order."
Natasha does seem fazed, "I know you can. But I prefer to have options of colors depending on my mood. You should have options." Suddenly an idea stirs. "Can I cut your hair?"
Bucky looks at her, but she just stares at Steve.
"Affirmative."
She smiles and leaves to go get Bucky's clippers.
—
When she returns, she drags one of the chairs from the dining table onto the kitchen tile. "Come sit." She says kindly.
He obliges and she's about to suggest Bucky go get a towel, when Steve slips his shirt off and folds it, setting it on his knee.
Bucky looks at Natasha who shrugs. "Works for me," she says with a mischievous smile. It elicits the eye-roll from Bucky she was aiming for.
"Do you care how I cut it?" She asks, standing in front of him, "it's your choice."
"A 3 on the sides, and a 5 on the top." Both Bucky and Steve say in unison.
They blink at each other and there's a bare hint of a smile on Steve's face before it goes blank. "A 2 all around." Says the Asset, clearly speaking in anger.
Bucky looks on with pained eyes and Natasha nods slowly, "a 2 it is." She gave him the option. Can't take it back now.
She oils the blades, puts on the right guard and plugs it in. "Are you okay if I touch you?" She asks.
"Affirmative."
She gently tilts his head back and begins.
—
She notices how his blinks get longer as she works. She intentionally slows her movements, gliding the clippers slowly on the sides, his skin is warm under her fingers, just like Bucky's, and it seems to grow even warmer as he relaxes.
She pauses after the first few glides. An idea forming. She uses her hand to guide the clippers, working them against his scalp in a way she hopes is soothing. Then she tilts his head back and glides the clippers over his longer hair, the soft strands falling around their feet and onto his shoulders. She gently brushes them off and maintains physical touch. A hand on his shoulder here. Fingers on his scalp there. She glances over to see if Bucky is at all bothered by the somewhat intimate but in no way sexual haircut, but his eyes are fixated on Steve's as the blinks get slower and slower.
She continues the cut, moving to the opposite side, before working on the back, tilting his head forward and exposing his broad neck. Natasha runs the clippers over his head a few more times, ensuring she got an even cut. He looks so close to sleep that she can't let this opportunity go.
"Stay here." She orders, then winces at her tone. But he just nods slowly, and she runs to the kitchen. She grabs three towels, dampening them in hot water and squeezing out the excess.
She runs back and uses one to gently wipe his shoulders and back free of hair. He stiffens at first at the heat, but she sees his muscles relax and she smiles as she continues to make sure he's free of the pesky stuff. The second one she drapes over the back of his neck and onto his shoulders. He looks up at her with a question in his eyes.
"This one's for comfort, but this one," she gestures, "is for a purpose." She tips his head back with her finger and gently wraps his face up in the warm towel. "Please stay here, don't move." She says in a gentler tone.
She looks at Bucky who nods, already knowing what she's asking. She races down, using the stairs to get to Bucky's bathroom and get his old shave set. The one the museum had had after his parents death, and Natasha had quietly reacquired while they'd lived in DC.
She's back up in less than a few minutes and Bucky is smiling.
He raises his hands. Pointing at Steve, then signing the word "close" then mimicking sleeping.
She signs how you know?
He points to his heart, then mouths slow.
Clint would be rolling his eyes right now, she chuckles inwardly to herself.
She gingerly unwraps the towel to find a relaxed face and eyes that are closed. He hasn't slept in almost 48 hours, so she hopes she can lull him to sleep with a nice shave.
She rewarms the towel and wraps it again as she prepares the shave cream and razor.
When she unwraps the towel again, even breathing is all she can hear. She looks at Bucky who mouths almost.
She starts lathering the shave cream on his face in smooth circular motions. She's just finished when a hand finds her shoulder. She looks up to see Bucky, with a soft smile on his face. He signs thank you and she smiles.
He leans down, kissing her, cupping his hands around her face and then kissing her forehead before sinking back to watch as Natasha starts running the blade over Steve's sharp jawline.
—-
The Voice
He feels groggy and disoriented the longer the Asset doesn't sleep. He knows it's purposeful.
He fights against it at first. On the plane, and as they arrive at the tower, but he gets more jumbled the more tired the Asset's body is.
My body. He grinds out.
Everyonce and awhile he's able to sneak a glance through his eyes.
When the Asset eats pizza, Steve wants to cry.
When he sips something that makes him jolt at the taste, he tries to think of the name but can't.
When Bucky asks what color, he shouts dark green so loud that the Asset says it.
He remembers how he likes his haircut. How Peggy had cut it. But he gets a buzz cut instead. He watches sadly as another piece of him falls to the floor.
Then… the Asset gets sleepy.
And they fall asleep.
—-
Steve
Steve opens his eyes and—-
He stops, heart pounding. He opens his eyes. He looks around and notices that he's still sitting in the chair from last night. He runs a slow shaky hand over his head and sighs. It's short, but it's still soft. Little hairs fall as he runs his fingers over his scalp. He'll need to shower to get rid of them.
His brain can't process what he needs to do. He feels like a newborn puppy struggling to walk. He looks to his left and notices Bucky asleep on the couch, a beautiful woman laying practically on top of him. It brings a grin to his face. That was alway Bucky, the girl magnet.
He opens his mouth to speak when the door opens.
A brunette, with a strange beard enters, holding a phone and a mug. He knows that he's been told his name. Or the Asset has… but he can't remember.
The man looks up and says, "oh, you're… bald. What the hell? When did that happen?"
"Last night." Steve says in a raspy whisper.
"Weird choice of nighttime activity, but who am I to judge. Coffee?"
Coffee. Something he hasn't had in decades. He thinks… it doesn't affect him, but he loves the taste. Everything feels jumbled as he tries to fill up the space in his mind.
"Yes, please."
The man looks up at that, and raises an eyebrow, "No affirmative this time?"
"I'm not—" Steve starts, "I'm—" he feels his heart racing and breath coming quickly. He stands up too fast, stumbling forward and crashing to his knees.
"Hey, hey!" The man says, walking around the island and crouching down beside him "you okay?"
"Don't let him wake up."
Tony glances at the two over on the couch. "They look zonked. They're still sleeping. don't worry about waking them."
"Not them." Steve says is a wheeze, "him."
"Him?"
And finally Steve stutters out the words, "the Asset." The man freezes and Steve looks up at him, finally taking in his features up close himself. "Howard?"
The man winces, "no, I'm his son, Anthony, Tony. Are you Steve?"
Steve nods, "yeah."
"Let me wake Barnes."
"No." Steve says, snaking out a hand and snatching Tony's collar, "don't."
The man doesn't seem too bothered by the hand holding him firmly against the ground. "Why not?"
"I don't think I'll be in control long, I can feel him, he's here. Ready to wake up at any second. I don't want to disappoint Bucky again."
"He'll hate me for not waking him. You gonna make Barnes give me the sad eyes again?"
"Who's giving who the sad eyes?"
Steve looks to the couch where Bucky is lying, eyes awake and pinned on him. "Asset? What happened?"
Steve freezes, but Tony smiles. "It ain't the Asset, Barnes."
Steve's chest constricts and Bucky's eyes grow wide, he gently slides out from under Natasha and drops to his knees beside Steve, wrapping his arms tightly around him. "Steve? Oh my— Steve. Steve, you're here."
Steve nods a bit numbly, "I'm here. Not for long."
That makes Bucky pause and lean back. "He fighting you?"
"Not yet, but… I'm sure he will. He's going to be angry. He's mostly scared of losing control. He got that from me. Right before they put that thing in my brain. I was so afraid of losing control. And then we had none."
"Were you in there? Trapped all that time?"
"Buck."
The nickname of his nickname makes his friend suck in a sharp breath, "I miss hearing you say that, but you didn't answer my question."
"Yeah, Buck. I think I was in there for most of the time."
"So you remember everything?"
"I think so. It's all jumbled though."
Steve can tell Bucky wants to ask something. But he doesn't. Two mugs appear before them and Tony stands there, offering two cups of coffee. Steve's hand trembles as he reaches out to take it.
"I haven't had coffee in forever."
Bucky looks at him strangely, "you had some on the plane over."
That makes Steve pause, "I did?"
"Well," Bucky says miserably, "he did."
Natasha stirs and walks over. "Where's my cup?"
Tony rolls his eyes and goes to pour another cup. Steve stiffens as Bucky grabs his shoulder, "Natasha? This is Steve."
Her eyes widen at him, and he ducks his head, "nice to meet you, ma'am."
Natasha drops to her knees and smiles at him with a kind expression. "It's nice to meet you too, sir." Steve feels his cheeks heat and she reaches out to brush her hand against that skin which makes his face flush hotter. She laughs softly and turns to Bucky. "Wow, you weren't kidding."
Bucky just laughs and hauls Steve into another hug.
"Kidding about what?" Steve asks, trying not to slosh his cup.
"You and girls. Could never stop blushing around the beautiful ones."
He feels his cheeks heat again and the three other people in the room laugh.
Another voice joins the crowd and Steve sees a blonde man appear, "you made coffee and didn't leave enough for me?" The man whines. He looks at Tony and holds out a hand, "You drink too much caffeine anyways!"
Tony huffs, "no! Make your own!"
"Give me that!" The man says to Tony, a frown on his face.
And just like that Steve feels his control slip at the order.
—-
The Asset
The Asset feels pulled out of the darkness as he hears a command. He stands on instinct and holds out his cup.
The room goes still, and because of the reaction, he internally prepares for punishment although he isn't sure why.
The blonde man who prefers to be called Clint looks at him in confusion. Then he glances down at the two people who are for some reason, sitting on the floor and the Asset follows his eye line.
The man and the woman look upset. But the Asset doesn't know why.
—-