Todoroki and Midoriya finally unraveled their silent, steady embrace. They glanced at each other with lingering gazes, yet the atmosphere was tainted not with awkwardness. Slowly, Midoriya met Todoroki's eyes, and if Todoroki wasn't mistaken, Midoriya's cheeks were tinged by a soft, velvety hue of peach. At first, Todoroki thought nothing of it since it wasn't uncommon for Midoriya to blush a bit, but he was stunned to feel a web of digits twining with his hand.

"T-Todoroki-kun, um…" Midoriya sheepishly stuttered while averting his eyes from Todoroki. "C-Can I…kiss you?" His shoulders arched yet sank.

That was very abrupt, Todoroki thought to himself. I'd rather not. Kissing another guy… I don't think I'm into other guys, but maybe I'll like it. I know he wants it. He nodded slowly, and for a fleeting moment, their lips hugged against each other like pink, crescent-shaped pillows. Somehow, that felt wrong. I don't have feelings for anyone. But I was kissed by a boy... Even the thought that I could be gay or bisexual is another beating waiting to happen. But right now, I'm thankfully not attracted to anyone.

Midoriya jittered with a flustered grin. "Um… I-I might like you, Todoroki-kun."

Todoroki found himself staring vacantly at his feet as dubiousness consumed him. I don't like you in that way, he told himself. I can't even love myself, so trying to love another person… I think love is a waste of time and effort. Sorry, Midoriya.

"Midoriya…" Todoroki whispered gently as a twinge of guilt pulsed through him. "I think I'd like us to just be friends. Sorry." He observed how Midoriya's expression wilted a bit, but he was once again stunned to see that Midoriya didn't seem to be broken by the rejection. "You're not…mad at me for that?"

Midoriya rapidly shook his head. "No, no. Of course I'm not," he reassured Todoroki while waving his hands around. "It's just… Y-You are very attractive, and, well, I guess I've kind of…had a crush on you for a bit? So, when we hugged, I-I kind of thought…maybe I could see if I just thought you were attractive, or if I had real feelings for you. B-But I didn't know if you liked guys or not, s-so… Um. I really did like the kiss, but since I'm already unsure of my feelings, it doesn't really hurt. Oh. S-Sorry, I went on about that…"

Todoroki plastered a smile onto his countenance. "You're very sweet," he forced himself to chuckle. "Well, as a friend, I do love you." He inwardly sighed at the shiny words he had the grand displeasure of uttering out loud. "You're blushing? Cute."

How desperate am I to keep the topic off of the suspected abuse? Todoroki couldn't help but wonder while Midoriya's face was mantled with a rich, ripe red. Enough to flirt with someone I just rejected. What's wrong with me?

"T-Todoroki-kun!" Midoriya yelped while burying his burning face into the palms of his hands. "W-Well, as a f-friend, I love you more."

The last thing I want is to start some pointless chain of saying who loves the other more. "You really are cute. Cute enough to hug." Hug him, and then use the silence to get him out of your dorm.

Todoroki scooped Midoriya into his arms, but he was unable to fully stifle his grunt of pain when Midoriya returned a fast embrace. He was promptly released by Midoriya, whose expression had shifted into one of solace.

I fucked it up.

With a thin frown, Midoriya examined Todoroki's gaze. "I'm so sorry," he apologized while bowing. "I didn't mean to hurt you… I'm really sorry… But this means you're hurt." His brows sagged down.

"I'm fine," Todoroki insisted. "Really." He exhaled a warm wave of air at his friend's unwavering expression. "Midoriya, I—"

"You don't have to answer, but why were you gone that one week?"

Silence befell the room while Todoroki scolded himself for his own mistakes. "I just needed a week to breathe," he finally muttered as his eyes flicked to the floor.

Midoriya lightly clasped onto Todoroki's hand again. "That tells me you had a lot going on. Do you wanna talk about it?" Concern softened the edges of his words, but Todoroki simply shook his head. "If you ever want to talk about something that happened, I'm here to listen, okay? Um. Do you have anything you want to get off your chest? It just…looks like you're carrying too much for one person to hold." His thumb brushed over Todoroki's bruised, damaged knuckles.

Why are you so persistent? Todoroki asked himself. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk about anything. You're wasting our time.

"Ah… My home doesn't really feel like a home to me," Todoroki sighed, speaking both truth and lies simultaneously. "I already told you about my mom not being able to bear the sight of my left half anymore. After that, my siblings weren't the same. Fuyumi had to leave a few years ago to study abroad and continue working outside of Japan. Natsuo is in college, so he hardly comes home. It's…lonely sometimes, I guess."

Midoriya nodded slowly. "Then…right now, how does your dad treat you?" His pointed question sank into Todoroki's stomach like a rock.

"You're the reason why this family is broken. If you really loved your mother, you would have killed yourself long ago. You broke her. You deserve to suffer. You wouldn't need any beatings if you chose to finally amount to enough."

"It's a lot of intense training, but aside from that, I've been letting go of my hatred towards him for what happened in the past." He didn't dare glance into Midoriya's analytical, emerald eyes.

"Worthless."

"Having you was this family's biggest mistake."

"The world would be a better place if you killed yourself."

"Do you feel okay?"

Todoroki began to recall the unforgettable feeling of being physically and emotionally abused until the pain caused him to long for death. "Yeah," he replied nonetheless, but his cheek was gently lifted by Midoriya's hand.

"I really don't think I can believe that…" Midoriya's hand was grasped at the wrist by Todoroki. "When I see your eyes, I feel sad. They're…just so damaged, tired, and empty. They're not like they were at the beginning of the year, either. You could tell something was festering behind them. Now…it's like there's nothing in them at all. I feel like you have to force yourself to try and act like you're happy. Todoroki-kun, please be honest… Are you really okay?" His glassy eyes were bullets piercing through Todoroki's chest.

I don't understand how you can pick up on so much by my eyes alone. "Yes, I'm really okay," Todoroki murmured with frost glazing his words. "I guess you could say I'm trying to figure some things out about myself. But does it really matter all that much?"

Midoriya kneaded his brows together a bit. "Of course it does… Would you not be worried at all if one of your friends was obviously getting hurt more and more? Would you shrug off their change that looks like a defense mechanism kicking in? With every day that passes, I worry about you more and more. I don't want you to suffer. I want to save you from this dark situation you're in that you won't admit to being in. Wouldn't you want to do the same if a friend you really cared about and admired was clearly going through a lot and needed help?"

Slowly, Todoroki offered a small nod. I suppose you're right, but I don't deserve to be helped out of this hell. I can do it myself. It's fine. I can get through it. I have to get through it. I need them to believe I'm okay. Uncertain of what to say, he kept his gaze low.

"Then…is there anything you can tell me about what's going on?" inquired Midoriya. "I just want to help you, Todoroki-kun. You shouldn't have to suffer all these injuries."

"I'm sorry, but there's really nothing you can do. I'm not saying that just to say it. There's nothing that can be done." Todoroki glanced back up to Midoriya. "I know you want to help. Just your being here as my friend is wonderful, Midoriya. But I'm sure you've seen how behind I am on my work. I need to get back to that. Thanks for visiting." He glued a half-baked smile onto his mien.

Midoriya nodded silently for a moment. "But it's not impossible to make a change, so I still want to try," he whispered under his breath. "If you need any help, I'd be happy to help you. But, um, can I give you a hug before I leave? I know, I know. I just like giving my friends a hug when they seem down." He cracked a thin smile.

"Sure."

Once Midoriya had departed from Todoroki's dorm, Todoroki staggered towards his desk, but rather than completing his homework, he found himself itching for a familiar sensation. He stood up from his desk and lumbered into the bathroom. Then, he extracted a small, thin shard of glass from a cup he'd accidentally broken at home from one of his cabinets.

It's been a few days since I last cut, he thought to himself as he brought the shard to his upper thigh. It's less that cutting does anything for me, and more that I just want to do it. It used to give me some relief from my feelings, but I don't really need it for that anymore. The adrenaline rush from cutting isn't what it used to be. But I still want to do it. Todoroki slashed into his skin and stared at the laceration he'd created for a second or two before beginning to dress and compress the wound. There's something about gambling with these risks that I come back for every time.

A part of me wants to try everything that I shouldn't be doing. It's dangerous but almost exciting because of that fact. I know I shouldn't be, but my life has already been thrown away. I want to try new things. See what it's like. Pierce the hues of gray with brief flashes of color. I want to get my life together, but I also want to see what I'm capable of. I know I'm not indestructible, but I want to see my limits. Summer vacation is soon, and that means a little over a month of torture again… If I can take all this abuse, what else can I withstand?