I can't fucking face reality, Bakugou inwardly hissed as he discarded the fractals of ice to the floor and fumbled around to clutch Todoroki's hand. I don't want this to be real at all. I want to open my eyes and find that this was all just a fucked up nightmare. But that would be too fucking cruel for him. Dammit, Shouto… He could feel the faint tug of Todoroki's fingers curling into his quivering, numb hand. I know it's hell for you to keep living, but you didn't have to fucking kill yourself. You didn't… I did… You made me kill you just like you said you killed Endeavor. I feel like I'm gonna faint. Shit. I feel so fucking sick.

With trembling lips, Bakugou finally opened his eyes to find Todoroki's half-lidded, lifeless eyes staring at him from the floor. He stared back at those ashen crescents of gray and turquoise as though Todoroki would suddenly blink, but after minutes of vacantly staring, Bakugou finally shook his head.

He's gone, Bakugou told himself while swallowing down the lump in his throat. I just…can't believe it. That's why he left. If I'd just held on… Why…is everything all my fucking fault? I should've stayed with him. That's all I fucking had to do to prevent this. I thought he was getting high again, and yet, I let him walk away. He stood up from the body of his boyfriend whose clothes were steeped in scarlet. I'm not even mad or sad right now. I'm just… I don't even fucking know. His fucking corpse is in front of me, but I still just can't accept it. Get up… Somehow, he has to still be alive… Please… Don't fucking be gone yet. Nothing could've prepared me for what you did to us both. Don't go, Shouto. But I know he's not alive. Dammit…

"Hey, Katsuki… If I'm really human, why am I hated for being one? I'm living as the human I am, but there are still people who don't want me here at all. Did I…never realize how worthless of a human being I am? It seems I'm terrible at being one."

"Shouto, just ignore their bullshit… Yer not deliberately going out of your way to hurt people. You're kind to others. Those assholes can shut the fuck up."

"I'm told that I'm nothing more than a villain in a Hero's costume. But even villains are still human, right? So, why am I hated so much? Like you said, I'm not hurting anyone."

He killed himself…because of the people telling him he wasn't human. How fucking hypocritical. Bastards… You don't have to like someone's personality, but to go out of your way to belittle and revile them for it? Fucking hell… And yet, those assholes are the ones claiming to be the real, normal, superior people and Heroes. No. Hell no.

"I love you, Katsuki."

"Love you more, asshole. I know you don't really love me."

"Why do you love me when I know you're fully aware that I don't feel the same way? I could choose to treat you like Endeavor treated me, but I don't."

"I don't know, Shouto. I just do. I sometimes forget about how you really feel because you make it damn well seem like you do care. When things get real hot, it's like you're feeling the same thing that I am, and I get lost in it."

Don't leave me yet. Shouto, you've gotta still be there… I still… Dammit, don't fucking do this to me. There's gotta be a fucking way. I know there's not, but I don't want this to be true. Somehow…

"Sometimes, I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to hang myself. Just to be in that position where I can't escape f—"

"Don't you fucking dare try. I hate how you can casually say such fucked up shit to my face like we're having a normal conversation. Don't kill yourself. Don't… It's not solving a damn thing. It's just stringing everyone who cares about you up in a noose of agony. You're killing them instead of killing your own pain."

"I think the people that… Never mind. Can I hug you?"

"Don't gotta ask. Just do it."

"You know what I also wonder about?"

"Hm?"

"If I made everyone hate me, would they rejoice and smile if they found out I'd chosen to end it all? I wondered about that a lot in the past, but in a different way. I wanted to be hated so that I could make everyone happy by disappearing from the world. Fortuitously, that's about what happened. Maybe this was predetermined, and this was just how my life was meant to go.

"When I thought I was finally on the path to finding happiness again, I was denied that. Now, this is what I've become. Had I known that this would be my future, I would've killed myself before it could happen. So, why do I bother living? It's like my life is a cruel, sick movie made for nothing more than entertainment purposes. Like an endless nightmare. When…does it end?"

Bakugou caught a glimpse of the blades of ice that were dipped in crimson, and immediately, the sensation of ripping the ice out of Todoroki's chest scorched his body. "Fuck…" he spat as the memories of killing his boyfriend flooded back to him. "Why? Why…" His eyes drifted to the gaping wound cutting through Todoroki's chest, and around the wound, the blood almost appeared black; he gagged at the sight.

"It's almost humorous how Endeavor's abuse pushed me over the edge and made me want to die, and yet, I want to tear my wrists open."

"Y'know, it fucking hurt to hear that. I know you just want to feel something from it, but…"

"Would you rather I exacerbated the cycle of abuse and started abusing other people just to see if it made me feel good? So, I'll just keep cutting myself. I don't see any issues with that."

"I can tell you a hundred issues right off the bat. What if you cut too deep and bleed out?"

"Then I'm dead. End of story."

Even though you stabbed me in the back by doing this, it doesn't fucking change the time we spent together. I was kissing you in bed one minute, and a few minutes later, I found you hanging in a fucking noose. I can't…even comprehend this. You're gone. Shit. Shouto, your fucking family…

"You know there are a lot of people that care about you, right, Shouto?"

"Of course."

"If all those people committed suicide tomorrow…would you be sad?"

"No. Do you hate me for that?"

"No…"

"But I can almost guarantee that you would've hated me, called me fucked up, cold, wrong in the head, you name it, if you never got to know me. Would you or would you not agree?"

"Tch. I don't disagree… If I never knew about the shit you've gone through, I would've assumed that you're a sick, twisted bastard. But it sure as hell ain't the case. Society is what's fucked up…"

Bakugou could feel his chest heave as he instinctively walked backwards until his shoulders tapped against the wall. He swiftly crumbled to the floor, but in doing so, a familiar memory that was dinned into his mind resurfaced. Clutching feebly at his temples, he finally began to disgorge his sobs of arrant, throbbing grief.