The morning sun streamed through Len and Seri's window. He needed to get to the hospital, but the sheets felt soft, and he could smell the bacon and coffee coming from the kitchen. Joce must be up. Seri was in the shower; he could hear her singing and the water running. If he didn't have to pee, he could have laid there for another hour. Steam poured out as he opened the bathroom door. "Good morning Peaches."

"Good morning Imzadi. Want to join me?"

Len finished going to the bathroom, then moved over to brush his teeth. "Give me a minute baby." After he finished, he jumped in with her. "Let me get that for you." He took the washcloth and started to gently clean his fiancé. He could feel her, the mental exhaustion and fear. She was pushing it down, but he could still feel it. She needed to take some time for herself. She needed to lean on him. He had enough rest and could handle it now.

McCoy stood up until he towered over her. Every inch of her was clean, now was the time to get her to feel. "We should go. Len, I know you want to get to the hospital."

"Not yet." She was afraid. She was afraid to lose control. That was an emotion with which the doctor was intimately acquainted. "Come to me." He held her in his arms. The walls were starting to crumble, but there was still enough of them there to hold back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm the counselor. "What are you feeling?"

Seri pushed away from him. Without a word she left the shower, grabbed a towel and started to dry. Len shook his head as he turned off the water, grabbed a towel, and followed her. She always got like this when she had to confront her own emotional problems. Counselors really made the worst patients. He wasn't about to let her. If she didn't open up now it would only get worse. She was getting clothes out of the luggage when he came up behind her. "I'm fine."

He took her by the shoulders and turned her around. "Don't lie to me, and don't lie to yourself. Baby, I can feel you. I can handle this; I want to handle this. You always said we are a team."

"Len, please. I don't…"

"Want to feel. I get that. But you do, and not letting it out is not healthy."

She started to shake. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. Tell me how you feel. Talk to me."

"How I feel doesn't matter."

He put his fingers under her chin forcing her to look into his eyes. "It does to me. I always matters to me. Talk to me Seriana."

Without warning her legs went out from under her. Len managed to grab her before she hit the floor. Slowly he lowered them to the floor. They sat on the floor as he rocked her in his arms. The door to the bedroom slowly opened. Joce looked in, saw them, closed the door. He kissed the top of Seri's head. She didn't need him to talk, she needed him to hold her and keep her from falling too far down the hole of fear.

Her sobs went on for at least five minutes before she started to calm. "I'm sorry, you don't need this."

"I do; we do. Lean on me and I promise to lean on you. Talk to me."

"I want him back. I'm not ready to say goodbye. I was unconscious when he died, but I still could feel it. Not like you did, but I felt the absence of him. I can't do anything to help him. I am completely useless. He is my brother and I will always love him, but I can't help. You can try, what can I try? He gave me everything and I can't…I can't…" She was slowing in her rant.

To McCoy the rant told him enough. He now knew exactly where her head was, what she had been hiding from him. "You can. When I bring him out of stasis, I want you to try to reach him. I need to know if he is still there. You can do that. You can help." He loosened his grip on her.

She shifted until she sat in his lap. Her head rested on his shoulder. "Thank you." She wanted to be closer to him, needed him to take away what was left of the pain.

"Come with me." They both stood as he led her to the bed. She laid on his arm, skin to skin. She felt safe there, loved, needed. His fingers flitted up and down her spine as she threw her arm over his chest. Jim need him, but not at that moment. "We can stay here as long as you want."

"Forever?"

"Maybe not that long." He laughed at her. She picked up the ability to joke at worst of times from Jim. It was a talent Len wished he could master. "Why don't we do this? We can go check on Jim then go to the coffee shop. After that come back here and…"

"Make love. I want to make love before the serum is done. After that we won't have time together, and Len I do need to have our time before all hell breaks loose."

"So, do I. Don't ever think you aren't helping. You help me."

"Thank you for that. I'm just scared."

"I know baby; we both are."

The couple got up, dressed then joined Joce in the kitchen. Len took a seat at the counter while Seri went to the fridge for juice. Joce leaned across the counter to Len. "Is she okay?"

"No, none of us are." Joce's eyes looked more concerned than usual. "She'll be okay. Thank you for everything. Seriously sweetie, I am glad you're here."

"Nothing could have stopped me, not even you." He kissed her forehead before grabbing a couple of bacon pieces. "You're having some fruit too. There is no way you are only eating bacon."

Seri had walked over giving Joce a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be alright sis. I promise." Joce looked at her. "I felt you come into the room. Not my finest moment."

"I had one a lot like it, so did Evan. Jo needed to be here, so did I."

Len took a banana from the basket. "I know. I'll talk to Evan tonight after I give the serum. He'll want to know what is going on."

Joce watched her ex. He was studying the banana like it was an open wound. "You could call him now."

"You should Imzadi. I'll get something to eat then check in with my dad. There's a PADD in our room. You could meet me at the family bungalow."

Len raised his eyes to meet hers. She was right, he needed to talk to Evan. Without a word he got up, left the two ladies and entered the bedroom. The door closed to the Starfleet world. He took the PADD from the nightstand. Hopefully, Evan would be near his. He punched in the code. In less than a second Evan's face filled the screen.

Seri sat across from Joce. "Hope he takes his time."

"Len needs Evan. Hell Evan needs him just as much. He wanted to be here, but he knew Len needed him to take care of the farm and corporation more."

"I know. That trip to your parents really brought the twin terrors together."

Joce giggled. "I love that name for them. With Jim they are even worse. Sorry."

"Don't be. Joce, I have to remember we haven't lost him yet. I won't bury him before I have to."

"I just thought with what just happened…"

"I know. I am trying to not lose hope. I'll know more when he is out of deep sedation."

"How?"

"I'm going to talk to dad, but I thought he and I can try to reach him mentally. Dad's a strong telepath, if anyone can breakthrough, it's him."

"Let me put away the bacon." After Joce put the food away and Seri cleaned up they went to meet the family.

Most of the gang was in the living room and on the front porch. Ben and Hikaru had taken Crystal and Demora with them when they left in the morning. They had said something about going toward the bridge to a playground on the hill near it. It was good for the girls to have some fun. Plus, with most of their belongings in both bungalows the men needed a break.

Jaz was talking to George when the ladies walked into the kitchen. Seri kissed each one on the cheek. She pulled her father away from his friend. "That was rude little one."

"Sorry. Uncle George, sorry."

"No problem baby. Jaz, I'll meet you when your done. We need to go over the Tuvan case."

Jaz pulled Seri out the back door. "It's nice here. I feel bad thinking that."

"Don't dad, it is nice. Don't go to the other side of medical. I was thinking."

"That's usually dangerous."

"Dad!" He smiled at his youngest. "When Len backs off the sedation, do you think we might be able to reach Jim?"

"We can try. I don't think we will be able to communicate with him. Is that what you wanted?"

"It would be nice, but I didn't think we would be able to do that. I just want to be able to tell if he still exists."

Jaz could feel his daughter's fear even if her face didn't betray it. "We can start as soon as Len reduces the sedation. As long as he is in deep sedation, we won't be able to feel anything."

"Len said the serum will be ready tonight. When are you sitting with him?"

"This afternoon. Kat and Lena want you there when he starts the treatment. Baby, I'm very proud of you. I love you Seriana." He kissed her lightly on the forehead.

Seri hugged her father around the waist. He pulled her to him, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I love you too daddy. I'm so glad you're here. How's your room?"

"Kat and I are very comfortable." She leaned back to look up at him. "You had to know. It isn't all the time, but we do spend some nights together."

"I did. I didn't need to be a telepath for that. But I thought I should at least pretend to be surprised. I don't know how I would get through this without you."

"Trust me little one, I would never have let that happen. I heard Len come in."

Seri hugged her dad again before letting go. "I love you dad." They walked into the group loading boxes into on the front porch. "Nyota?"

"Mama had a cargo container sent. We are putting all of Ben and Hikaru's things in there. They got most of their stuff from what's left of their place. Scotty, Spock, and Pavel are seeing what's left of their apartments. If there is anything salvageable, they are going to put it in the container as well. Jo's having fun making it all fit. Len's here. Seri, he looks beat up."

"He was talking to Evan. They must have had a real talk. He's been blocking me. I've got him."

"We all have each other."

"We definitely do. You look tired."

"As long as I'm working, even if it just in the bungalows, I can get through this. Do you think Len would mind if Spock and I came back with you to the farm? Mama said we should come, but I don't want to make Len uncomfortable."

"I assumed we would all go back to the farm. I think Len is taking that for granted. I know you want the blue room."

"It doesn't matter. I can't go home, and I don't want to go to new Vulcan, neither does Spock."

"Stay with family. And as far as we all are concerned the farm is your home. I heard what happened with you and your brother after graduation."

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters. It matters to us. It is funny isn't it?"

"What?"

"Life, the randomness of it all. If Jim hadn't gotten drunk at that bar, he wouldn't have met you."

"I couldn't stand him."

"Then he showed you the real Jim."

"Yes, yes he did." Tears had begun to streak the beautiful woman's cheeks. "I don't want this to be the end."

"None of us do. Just remember it isn't until there is no hope left. Right now, we need to remind ourselves that he isn't gone. That there is still a chance to save him."

"Thank you for that. You should go to Len." She wiped the tears from her face.

"Okay, but if you need me, just call."

"I will."

Seri walked over to Len. "You look like hell."

"It was a hard conversation. But I needed to have it. We should get to the hospital."

"Go throw some water on your face first."

"I look that bad?"

"Sorry, but you do."

He walked back to the bathroom at the back of the hall. Seri was right. His eyes were red, and his face swollen. There was an unused washcloth on the counter. He let the cold water run until it felt like it had been refrigerated. Gently he placed the cloth over his eyes. It would take a while, but he needed to get the swelling down before they went to the hospital. The staff couldn't see him as anything other than strong and in charge.

He didn't think the conversation with Evan would take the turn it did, but he was glad it had. At first, they talked about what was going on at the farm. The Perettis were thinking about selling their farm, but Len wasn't sure he wanted to buy. It would require a lot of work to make it useful again. The ground would need to be checked before they could think of planting. Then the conversation shifted.

Len continued to apply the compress as he reran the conversation over in his mind. "Ev, can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Do you think I…am I good enough. I don't know if I can do this."

"I don't know if you can either. But I also know you are Jim's best chance."

"I don't know what I'm doing."

"With respect to what?"

"Jim, I put the formula in. I just don't know if it is right."

"Len, what don't you know about it?"

"If I got the formula right."

"Was there anything to base your calculations on?"

"What I did with the tribble, but I changed it, I drastically changed it."

"Made it more suitable for a more complex organism?"

"Yes." His voice was a whisper.

"Then you have to wait. Tell me what you really scares you. You're terrified, I can see it. Talk to me."

"I…I don't want to lose him. Fuck Ev, I' not ready. I can't… I can't…not him, not you." The tears had started.

Evan wanted to climb through the PADD to be there with Len. He didn't want him to be alone. Len had everyone around him, but at times Evan knew he still felt completely alone. This was exactly what he and George had discussed on the front steps. "You haven't lost me. Look at me. LEN!"

McCoy looked up. He didn't realize he had been looking at his lap for the last five minutes, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm listening."

"I'm there; as soon as Tuck gets to the farm I'll leave. Jim isn't gone. You haven't lost him. If that happens, we will get through it together."

"I just…" The crying was more violent, Evan had never felt more helpless. "I don't know what to do."

It was all the other man could do to keep himself from crying. "Right now, you go through the day. The serum will be ready later today. Then you will know. Take the rest of the day to do what you would normally do."

"Seri wants to take some time for us."

"I agree with her. Things will be clearer once you take some time to decompress. Isn't that what you usually tell me?"

Len chuckled through the tears. "Sounds like me. I'm just, scared."

"I know. I love you, and I am here any time you need me. I am keeping the PADD with me. Len…"

"Yeah?"

"You aren't the only one who's scared. I'm terrified. Don't think you are alone in this. You aren't."

Through the remnants of his tears Len could see the fear in Evan's eyes. "I know. I also know they are all trying to make everything seem as normal as possible for Spock and me."

"Not just you two. We are all moving through this play. If we pretend things are normal one day they will be."

"Are you sure?" He continued to wipe the tears from his eyes. The more they came, the harder he drug the back of his hand across them. It was as if the pain from pushing his knuckles into his eyelids would stop the flow of tears.

"Normal is relative, isn't that what Spock says?" Evan chanced a small smile.

"He does, he does. I'll call you again tonight, let you know how the serum infusion went."

"Thanks. How is Jo?" Evan looked every inch the concerned father. Len thanked God every day that the man was helping raise his very head strong daughter.

"She is scared. She's seen him."

"Were you with her?"

"Yes. Then she wanted me to leave her. I think she doesn't want me to see how upset she is."

"She's a lot like you."

"And you…and Jim."

"That last one has been a challenge."

"I bet." The tears had stopped. "We are all keeping an eye on her. Pavel has her playing two chess games. It is keeping both of their minds occupied."

"Mama said there is at least one cargo container coming to the farm, there may be more than one according to her."

"I guess. Not sure what they are doing. I guess it has to do with storing the things everyone can salvage from their places."

"Ben and Hikaru live there, don't they?"

"Yes, so do Scotty, Pavel, Spock, and Nyota."

"And Cal."

"Her place was completely destroyed. I think Scotty's might be also."

"They lived in the same building, didn't they?"

"No, they lived in buildings that were next to each other. I'll see if anyone is coming to the farm. Except for the family, I' m pretty sure Nyota and Spock will want to."

"Sarah will take care of it if I know her."

"She will. She is amazing. Ev…"

"Yeah."

"Thank you. You are helping trust me."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks. I have to go. I need to get to the hospital."

"Talk to you tonight." With that the screens went dark.

Len threw a little more, cold water on his face. The eye swelling had gone down, and his face wasn't as puffy. After drying he met Seri in the living room. "We should get going. Where's Mama?"

"Outside with the gang. They are loading the cargo container. Jo is organizing everything to get as much to fit in the one container as possible. The rest of the things will be here later and she is hoping she can fit it all in the one. It's keeping them all busy."

"We should get to the hospital." They left the house. Len gave his worried mother a quick kiss before finding Jo. "Hey Turtle, Aunt Seri and I are going to the hospital."

"Uncle Scotty is taking me there later. He said I can stay with him during his rotation."

"Alright, but if you want to leave just call one of us."

"Okay Daddy." She stretched up on her toes to give her father a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing another box.

Len took Seri's hand as he led her to the hospital. They went to the room without stopping in Len's office. Owen was seated in the chair looking at his PADD while Carol looked over the tube and Christine poured over the PADD with the serum calculations. "Chris, can I talk to you?"

"Sure Len." They walked to the other side of the room out of everyone's earshot. "I know you are stationed out in the outer colonies. I also know you're only here for training. I wanted to thank you for diving in yesterday."

"You don't have to thank me. What else is on your mind?"

"Ummm, if I go back to the Enterprise, would you consider taking over the position of head nurse."

"Did another one quit?"

"No, he was killed."

"God, I'm so sorry."

"You couldn't have known. I know Jim hurt you but…"

"He didn't, not really. I hurt me. I have had a lot of time to think about what happened. He promised me nothing. It was a fun time. I wanted more. He didn't."

"Would you consider it?"

"If you go back, yes. Other than that, no. I don't want to train another CMO."

Len gave her a hug. Chapel smiled sadly at him before leaving the room. "Hey Owen, don't get up. We just came to take a look and see how far along the serum has come." Len picked up the PADD Christine had left. Everything was on schedule; it would be ready right after dinner. "Come on Peaches, lets grab some coffee. I have a feeling it's going to be a very long night."

With that the two doctors left the room. They quickly left the building and began the walk to their coffee shop. It was going to be a very long night.