Jim slept for hours. His dreams took him to Iowa, Frank and his mother screaming at each other, Charlie throwing himself in front of Frank's fist so Jim wouldn't get hit, the teacher's ignoring his black eye, his mother telling him to do better so Frank wouldn't get angry. Slowly Iowa melted away to become Georgia, Mama holding him as they stood among the irrigation pipes, Len and he sitting on the veranda talking about him having the rooms he was in as his own, meeting Cal, having Cal hold him, riding with Jo as she learned how to control the horse for dressage, holding his niece on the porch when she fought sleep then carrying her to bed, learning how to effectively debate a point from George and Jaz. Then he woke.

Spock was sitting next to the bed with his hand on Jim's arm. "Thank you, Spock."

"Captain…"

"Jim, Spock, for now its just Jim. I need that."

Spock nodded his understanding. "You were having a nightmare. I thought this would help. I hope I did not overstep."

"You didn't. Evan would have done the same thing." He took a deep breath as he turned his attention to the ceiling. "Please don't."

"I am sorry Jim. I do not understand."

"Don't feel sorry for me."

"Why would I feel sorry for you? I do not understand."

"I am weak."

"You have been in a bed for two weeks. I believe Dr. McCoy would say that is expected."

"That's not what I…It doesn't matter. You should go back to the house. You seem tired."

Spock knew it wasn't true. He would talk to the doctor about the conversation he had just had. "I shall be back tomorrow morning. I will let Nurse Chapel know I am leaving."

"You don't have to." Jim turned his attention from the ceiling to the windows. The sun was setting. The shades of orange and pink that flooded the sky, poured into the room.

"The doctor wants someone with you until he is comfortable with your progress."

"Fine. Tell him I don't need a baby sitter."

"I shall relay your feelings on the matter." With that Spock stood. He gave Jim a long look before leaving the room. He wasn't good at reading human emotions. He would tell Leonard what Jim had said and see the doctor's reaction. On his way out he told Christine Jim asked him to leave. She headed to the room.

Spock arrived at the house to Len finishing dinner. "What are you doing back?"

"Leonard may we speak?" He motioned to the back of the house.

Len wiped his mouth before following behind Spock. He motioned the Vulcan into his bedroom. "Here, we can talk in here."

The door was closed as the men walked to the foot of the bed. "Jim wanted me to leave. I do not understand why. He was having a nightmare. I used touch telepathy to change his nightmare into pleasant dreams. When he woke, he was thankful for that." Len listened intently. "He then stated he didn't want me to feel sorry for him. He seemed to feel that I felt pity for his condition, that he was weak."

"This may be a stupid question, but at anytime did you show him you felt that way?"

"No. I could not show that because I do not feel that. I do not understand what I did incorrectly."

"I doubt you did anything wrong Spock. I'll go over. I will talk to him. Don't worry, this isn't abnormal. We humans are confusing at times." The raised eyebrow made McCoy laugh. "It will take time, but it will be alright. I promise. Mama made some vegetarian dish just for you. Eat and go spend some time with Nyota. Jaz and Seri are taking some time to talk, you two should as well."

"Thank you, Leonard." The men left the room, Spock to eat dinner and Len to take a walk to medical. He grabbed the PADD before leaving the house. The sun was setting more rapidly. It was going to be a long evening.

The walk across the yard was filled with thoughts of all that had to be done that evening. Chris had been sending him all of the readings, everything from neural functions to urine output were within normal parameters. Len looked at the PADD one last time. Hell, if he didn't know better, he would swear the patient in the PADD had never had a single thing wrong with him in his entire life. Even signs of the old fractures were gone, though there did seem to be some residual muscle weakness.

He entered the building. Got on the lift and allowed for the retinal scan. The doors opened to the same blinding white lights that had greeted him every day for the past two weeks. Hopefully rehab would go well enough to take him home. His body might look good on the PADD, but the doctor knew his stamina along with the muscle strength would most likely be diminished. Chris met him at the door. "He's still asleep. Len, Spock said…"

"He talked to me. Don't worry. Thanks." Quietly he opened the door. It was almost dark, but some orange still remained in the sky to light the room. McCoy looked at the figure in the bed and took a shaky, deep breath. "Lights thirty percent." Jim could always sleep through lights being turned on. Only sun streaming in his bedroom window seemed to wake him.

It had been approximately eight hours since Jim had awakened from his coma. Though he looked exactly as he had during the weeks after he was out of stasis, the monitors told the doctor that his patient was sleeping and not still comatose. He looked at the sleeping man; his heart rate still rose at the sight. McCoy knew it would take a while for the response to cease, so for now he would simply have to remind himself, Jim was only asleep.

Len went to the side of the bed and began to look at the readings. He adjusted the flow of several medications that were being delivered intravenously. He had stopped looking at Jim, he couldn't handle seeing him asleep, not yet. After making the adjustments and recording the readings, he turned to leave for his office. A hand on his arm stopped him. "Don't go, please." He turned toward the bed, in the younger man's eyes he saw fear, a deep fear he had seen only a few times before this, and never with Jim.

He took Jim's hand into his. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." With his other hand he lowered the side rail and sat on the bed. Jim started to shake. "Door lock."

"Authorization code needed."

"Damn it!"

"Code not recognized."

"Authorization code McCoy2566alpha."

"Authorization accepted. Door locked."

Jim hadn't taken his eyes from Len, but the doctor wondered if he was seeing him or his nightmare. "Jimmy, it's me. You're safe."

"Make it stop. Please, I can't make it stop." The shaking was worse.

Len took Jim into his arms, holding his brother to him. "It's alright. Cry, scream, anything you need, there's no one to hear you. There's no one here but me. You're safe. You don't have to be Captain Kirk, not now. I've got you." The doctor could hear the racking sobs as Jim allowed McCoy to keep him from falling so far that he couldn't come back from the fear.

At one point the younger man buried his face into the doctor's chest and screamed. The scream lasted until the air in his lungs ran out. Len placed his hand behind Jim's head as he tucked it under his chin. He rocked him gently back and forth until Jim was too weak to continue. Finally, the younger man was calm enough to talk, his voice soft and raspy. "I can't get past the fear. I was so scared. Spock was there, and I could feel you and Seri, but I was alone. Funny, I could feel you, in that moment I could feel you in my head and chest. I still felt alone. Bones you could have been next to me, and I would have been alone. God, don't let anyone know. Please don't tell anyone."

He lessened his grip on Jim. They leaned back enough to look each other in the eye, but never lost their hold. "It is said that we are born alone and we die alone. I don't believe that. I know you felt alone, but you weren't. I felt you, I knew what happened before Scotty brought you to me. I was there, with you, so were Seri, and Spock. You didn't die alone."

Jim clutched to him again. It was as if he couldn't let go or Len would vanish and this would all be an illusion. Len cradled him again, allowing Jim to feel his physical presence "I thought about Cal and Jo. What would they say when they heard? Would they hate me for leaving them? Bones, I didn't want to leave them. They were my last thought."

"I know. Cal has been here every day. Yesterday Jo crawled onto the bed with you. When you were still in the tube, that baby would tell you everything about her school and the farm. Neither one ever gave up on you. Jim, we are all a part of you. You aren't alone."

He rested his head on Len's shoulder. "My dad was braver than me, that's for damn sure. He wasn't scared. He was strong, not like me."

"How do you know that? He may have been terrified, but he had no one to lean on, you did. Jim, you still do. You haven't been alone for more than ten minutes since you got here. Even when you were in that tube, they wouldn't leave you alone."

"I was so scared."

"What were you afraid of?" Len knew the answer, but wanted Jim to come to terms with the fear.

"I don't know. Being alone, dying alone?"

"Do you think that is it?"

Jim laid back exhausted. He looked at Len for a long time before he spoke again. "No. I was afraid of the unknown."

"Do you see that as a normal reaction?" He took Jim's hand.

"Not for me. Len, that scares me. Right now, that's what is scaring me." With his free hand he rubbed the tears from his face. "You might be able to sell the serum you used on me as a beard growth retardant. I thought I would have a full beard by now."

Len accepted the captain was changing the subject; for the time being anyway. "No, that was Joce." He let go of Jim's hand. "You had a full beard. Not as thick as mine gets, but a full one." Kirk smiled at the jab. "She shaved you the night before you woke. Scared an aid as well. He told her she shouldn't be in here alone, and needed to leave."

"That must have gone over well."

"She used her full name. From what the nurse on duty told me the aid was shaking as he got her a shaving kit and water."

"She picked that up from you. Len?"

"Yes?" He pushed Jim's hair off his forehead.

"Do you think this will ever stop? I can't go back to having nightmares every night."

"It will, but you need to talk to a counselor."

Jim looked out the window. The orange was almost completely gone and the lights had started to come on. "I hate them. They're going to make me into some dissertation. All they do is fucking use people."

"I'll tell Seri, Mama, and Cal how you feel." Len hoped the injection of humor would defuse Jim's mood.

Jim looked back. "You know what I mean. They are going to insist I talk to one of their people. I'm going to insist it be Cal."

Len became very serious. "As your doctor, I think Seri would be the better choice. She can lead your dream, get you past the abject fear. After that you can go to Mama. They will accept any licensed practitioner will the proper qualifications, as long as you aren't related. Trust me when I tell you our mother is over qualified."

"I just can't go through what happened after Tarsus IV. Do you think Mama would take me on? I know we are close. Is it a bad idea?"

Len knew his mother was a better counselor than his sister. It wasn't that Cal was any less gifted, it was just that she lacked the experience, and this was going to be a tough case. "I think she would do it without hesitation. Let Cal be there for you after each secession. You'll need a friend then." He knew they were more than friends. Cal couldn't counsel Jim, neither could Seri, they were too close and couldn't be objective. Seri could lead his dream, but she shouldn't be Jim's counselor. His mother was a different story. She was shockingly able to compartmentalize. She could counsel Jim through this and still be his mother when needed. The counselor would appear and the mother would leave when the office door closed.

"Can you tell her I need to talk to her. I think I need something now, even if it's just a start."

"You can tell her tonight. She's staying. She said we all need to sleep in real beds tonight, but I don't want you left alone that long."

"I'll be fine."

"Humor me." His eyebrow shot up.

"I love you too. When do you think I can get this fucking catheter out?" Jim was squirming a little.

Len let go of his hand. "That was one of the things I was looking at. Your kidney function seems to be normal, and your urine output looks good." He got up, brought over a male urinal, and put it on Jim's tray. "Normally I would have a nurse do this, but I think it might be better if I did this time." He knew Jim couldn't handle many more people touching him.

"Thanks."

"Just so you know, if you can't urinate on your own, I'm putting it back in. I'll come back if I need to. It isn't a problem."

"Fair enough."

Len threw on gloves, grabbed a towel and gently placed it under Jim's penis to catch anything that might drip. He emptied the bag as his patient stared at the ceiling grasping at the sheets on the mattress. None of this was helping Jim's anxiety. Len took the antibacterial wipe from the counter and wiped him down. "Don't worry, I promise it won't hurt." He grabbed the kit from the cabinet and took something out before walking to the bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Jim saw a rather large needle in the doctor's hand and was trying to squirm his way further up the bed despite to get away.

"Stop screaming. You're going to have the entire fucking floor in here. It's to deflate the damn balloon. What did you think I was going to stick it in your dick?"

"It was going in that general direction." He slid down the mattress until he was in his original spot.

Len readjusted the towel. The needle was stuck into the port and the water drained completely from the balloon. "Alright, this may burn a little. You think they would have come up with a better design over the centuries. I'll be gentle."

"Not like you usually are?" Jim smiled lightly.

Len's voice softened to a whisper as his eyes and facial features softened. "No, not today." Gently he pulled the catheter out, before discarding it in the trash can where he had thrown the bag and wipe. The gloves were thrown away and his hands washed. He entered the volume of urine collected into the chart before he forgot the amount; if he had forgotten the head nurse would have killed him. Jim was wiped off and covered. "It will most likely burn the first few times you pee. It's normal but let them know anyway. Make sure you leave the urinal for the nurse. He will need to record the volume."

"Maybe you could come up with something better than that damned thing? Len…"

"Maybe. It's important to get the volume numbers correct or we won't know if anything is wrong."

"Len…"

"I'm hoping you won't have too much trouble with this. PT will be in later to assess your leg strength, see if you can stand."

Jim took Len's hand. "Thank you. I mean it. I said it before, but I need you to understand I mean it about more than saving my life. I mean it about everything. Please get some rest tonight. Make love to your fiancé, take a hot shower and really rest. I'll be alright. Mama will be here with me so you know I'll be taken care of the way you would want. Please take care of yourself. Thank you for keeping Cal away today." He could see the fear and exhaustion in his best friend.

"Jim, you don't have to say thank you. Her staying away was all Kat. She told my hard headed sister that she was no good to you if she was emotionally exhausted, and one day away wouldn't kill her. I'll try to rest. We can talk more tomorrow if you want."

"Will you tell me what happened after I died?"

"We'll talk. Good night kiddo, I love you."

Jim let go of his hand. "I love you too. Now get going. I don't want to see you until tomorrow."

"Fine." Len stood up. Part of him wanted to stay, but after this conversation he desperately needed Seri. "Good night. Unlock door McCoy2566alpha."

"Door unlocked." Len rolled his eyes. The computer voice had to go.

Before Len could reach the door, Lena walked in. "It's about time you unlocked that. Lenny get your ass back to the bungalow. Jim, tonight it's you and me. We are going to get you cleaned up."

"Mama, I took out the catheter. Let the nurses know if he can't urinate. I'll tell them what I did on my way out."

"Don't worry Pumpkin, I have this under control. And no going to help at the civilian hospitals. Go to bed."

"Yes ma'am. Good night Jim."

"Night Bones." Len left for the bungalow letting the night shift know about the catheter on his way out. Jim looked at his mom. "I know Len won't tell me, what happened after I died?"

Lena kissed Jim on the forehead, sat down, and took a deep breath. "Ask me anything. I'll answer, then we'll talk."