Lena was right, Len needed a night to decompress. His heart rate was still elevated as he walked across the campus. The stress was slowly killing him and that wasn't doing anyone any good. Street lights glistened off the puddles as they filtered rainbows through faceted glass globes. How could they look so beautiful? Nothing had changed on the medical building quad in decades, but on the other side of the building lay complete devastation. Seri had been spending time at the civilian hospitals. She said it was because she felt she could be of use there. Len knew it was avoidance. Tomorrow he would take her to see her baby brother.

Honey warm light poured out of the bungalow windows as the doctor walked up the front stairs. Cal was sitting at the counter when he walked in. "Hi idiot."

"Hey kiddo. What's going on?" Len grabbed a beer from the refrigerator before joining his sister. A hot shower and a scotch were what he had been hoping for, but this was far more important. Cal would never know he wanted nothing more than just to rest.

"How is he?"

"Awake, better than he was." He took a swig, eyes never leaving her. "What's this about?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to bring myself to go see him. He must hate me."

"He doesn't hate you. I told him you were there every day." Her eyes gave away all of her fears. "Cal, he is still Jim."

"I know." His eyebrow shot up. "I really do know. Lenny, I'm scared. Every day… never mind." She looked at the tea in her cup.

"Don't do that. I know you're scared, so am I." Cal's head snapped up. "Today I walked into that room, and he was asleep. My heart rate went through the roof. I knew he was asleep, but part of me saw him dead in a bag, then in a coma hooked up to a vent. It's normal. It sucks, but it's normal."

"I just need to go there. I need to walk into that room, see him, touch him, talk to him."

"Afraid so. Want me to go with you?" He took a deep gulp, almost emptying the bottle.

"No."

"Wait until morning. I think he wants to talk to Mama tonight."

"Really?"

"He needs to."

"What's going on with him?"

"Cal, I can't…"

"I'm sorry. I know. I overstepped. It won't happen again." She stood to leave.

A large hand held hers in place. "Don't be sorry. You care. You love him, hell Cal you're in love with him. But you know I can't tell you. You need to ask him. This isn't going to be easy."

"I know." She sat back down.

"Do you? Cal, do you really understand what can happen with him?" Len needed to know if she understood what the next moths would hold.

"Physically, no, but you can go over it with me later. Psychologically, yes. You know I'm a pretty good therapist?" When she smiled at him like she did, Caroline looked exactly like her brother.

"So, I've been told time and time again. Trust me, the head of Starfleet medical never passes up an opportunity to tell me what a remarkable sister I have. I'm proud of you kiddo, always have been. And yes, all kidding aside, I know how good a therapist you are."

"I know at least the next year is going to be a rollercoaster. He's going to hate everyone at least once; well maybe not Jo or the other kids, but everyone else. We will all be idiots and he will never be the man he was. I know what's coming."

"Doesn't make it any easier."

"It doesn't. I can't wait until we head home. We can get him involved in things there."

"A soft start back into life?"

"Something like that. What do you think his chances are of getting back to his old self physically?" The therapist was joining the conversation.

Len removed his hand from hers. "I don't know. The scans say he can, but it will be an uphill climb. His muscles are weakened. If he falls into a depression then he may not come back completely."

"Alright, got it. Len, if he is to get through this we need to work together."

"Agreed, but you need to have him tell me that. If he doesn't…"

"Then you can't tell me anything. I know. I'll get him to tell you to talk to me. Len, I don't want to lose him."

"Neither do I." He took her hand again and kissed it. "I understand how you feel."

"I know. I'll go to him in the morning. I'll tell Jake I'm taking his watch."

"Alright, but he'll want to come sooner than the three-hour mark."

"I know. I just want to be there when he wakes."

"Comm Mama." Len looked around. The door to his bedroom was open and the light was off. Also, he couldn't feel Seri. "Have you seen my fiancé?"

"She said she'd be back in a couple of hours."

"When was that?"

"A couple of hours ago. Jojo is in bed, actually everyone else is in bed."

"You should get to bed. I'm going to get a shower. Thanks."

"For what?"

"Waiting up for me."

"I wanted to see you. I love you idiot."

"I love you too baby." He stood, walked around the counter and kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you for everything."

Cal watched her big brother as he left for bed. Growing up she never thought she could love any man as much as she loved him. Jim changed that. She couldn't lose him. Cal took a hot shower before crawling under the covers. The sheets were unusually soft for Starfleet. Sarah must have rewashed all of them. The family coming was the best thing that could have happened. They were helping in ways none of them would ever understand.

Lena looked at Jim. He had been watching her every move as she rearranged the chairs until she could use one as a foot stool. "Len would be upset if I didn't at least put my feet up."

"You don't need to be here. I'm fine alone."

She sat on the side of the bed where Len had been earlier. "I thought we didn't lie to each other."

"I'm sorry. Mama, I'm not used to feeling this way. I don't know how I feel."

She played with his fingers as if he was a child who needed his mother to calm him. Jim had never had a mother treat him with compassion, or unconditional love. Lena had always been more of a mother to him than Winona. "Do you think you need to feel a certain way?" She held fast to his hand as they captured each other's eyes.

"Maybe. Mama, I'm, I'm scared."

"Alright. Jimmy, does that bother you?"

"I am not afraid of anything. Captain Kirk can't be afraid."

"Oh, that's not true. We are all afraid of things, even the great Captain Kirk."

"Not according to Starfleet. According to them I'm reckless, fearless."

"And what do you think?"

"Pike said I didn't earn the chair. I sure didn't earn it in that meeting. He'd be alive if I had earned it, if I were mature."

"Do you think you could have anticipated what was going to happen any faster than you did?"

"I should have seen it coming."

"Spock said you saw it before anyone else."

"You talked to Spock?"

"You think I only have two sons?" Her smile was soft and loving. "I have, and Scotty and Uhura. They all love you very much."

"I know. I love them too. I'm not used to that."

"To what?"

"People who love me even when I fuck up. Mama, what happened after I died?"

"Well, Kahn came for the Academy. The Enterprise was safe, but he wanted to kill everyone. He was so angry. He wanted to crash that monstrosity, but he couldn't control it. It took out Alcatraz and most of the wharf district. Offices, apartments, most of the skyscrapers on the other side of medical, all gone." Her fingers had found their way to his pulse point so she would know how upset he was becoming.

"How many dead?"

"No one knows yet. Most likely tens of thousands."

"Because of me."

"Why because of you?"

"I wasn't good enough. I didn't end him. I didn't see who he was soon enough."

"Who?"

"Admiral Marcus; Scotty knew, he knew something wasn't right. But I was Captain, and I was stupid."

"Stupid?"

"Angry, I was angry and that made me stupid."

"I'm not so sure stupid is the correct word. How about impulsive?"

"Sure, we'll go with impulsive." Jim looked away from her face to where their hands joined. "Pike was right."

"Maybe, but I don't think it applied to what happened here."

"I did this."

"James T Kirk, look at me." He looked up. "You didn't do this. Marcus did this, Kahn did this. I have a question for you, and I don't want you to answer yet. I want you to think about it."

Tears fell from his eyes, making their way down his cheeks until they spilled onto the sheet. "Alright."

"Are you the same man who ran with Len through a red forest, flew into a volcano, ignored your chief engineer, put themselves and others in danger for nothing but revenge?"

"I am…"

"I told you not to answer. I want you to give that question some real thought. I want you to think about the man you were, and the man you are now. Then we will talk about it later."

"Yes Mama."

"Jimmy," She ran her fingers down the side of his face, wiping away the tears. "I want you to know that I am proud of you, and I love you with all my heart. You are our Jimmy." She held him in her arms, rocking him until he drifted off to sleep.

Lena lowered the head of the bed so Jim wasn't sitting up quite as much. Covers were arranged before she sat in her chair. He would blame himself. A man with his childhood would make everything his fault. He didn't understand that Kahn would have destroyed the entire Academy and all of Starfleet had the Enterprise not done the damage it had to the Vengeance. She had been talking to those involved, but she also read reports that Spock had left on his PADD. George would say she was picking up bad habits from Jimmy. She closed her eyes. If he woke, she would hear.

Seri walked into an almost completely dark house. There was a small light on next to the front door. The only other light came from under her bedroom door. She hung up her coat, grabbed a glass of water, and quietly opened the bedroom door. Steam poured into the room from the bathroom. After placing the glass on her night stand, she stripped, locked the door to the hallway, then joined her fiancé in the shower. Her arms encircled his waist as her head rested on his back. "That's better."

"Mmmmm, I've been looking forward to this." He turned so his back was to the water.

Seri loved how he towered over her. His hands flitted up her back as she put her head on his chest. "I couldn't wait to get home to you."

"Let's finish washing. Then we can relax." They washed each other gently before drying and climbing into bed. Seri put her head on Len's chest. "I thought we could talk."

"I know I've been blocking you. There was a lot going on today."

"I know. I was blocking you as well. Peaches, you can't keep avoiding him."

"I know. I just…I don't know."

"You don't want him to be different?"

"I don't want him to not be him. I've been blocking him." She snuggled in further.

"He is Jim."

"But not who he was. I could feel that before he woke."

"Is that so bad?" He chuckled at the thought.

"No, I know he is still Jimmy. I'll go see him."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"When? Cal is going in the early morning." He kissed her on the top of the head.

"I'll go at 8:00. Jake can go after me, maybe at 9:00."

"I'll comm him. Cal wanted to be there when Jim wakes up. She knows he usually wakes at 6:00."

"Yeah. Let me." She turned over, grabbed the PADD from the nightstand, and sent a message to Jake. "There, now we can relax."

Len could feel the tension in all of her muscles. "It was that bad?"

"There weren't as many casualties as I expected. So, yeah, it was that bad."

"Most of the casualties incinerated. Before you say it, I know you know that."

"I guess I was just hoping I was wrong. Starfleet is sending help from all over the system. They'll help the survivors starting tomorrow."

"Then you can give us a hand?"

"Yes." She held him tighter. "I hope we can go home soon."

"So do I."

"Uncle George had the containers that were filled sent to the farm. Sarah is having the guest houses set up so the gang can feel a little better. Demora will love being with the animals."

"I see the kitten is here."

"Yeah. Spock seems to have found an animal after his own heart."

Len laughed at the observation. "They do seem to understand each other. Come here." He tilted her head up to capture her lips in a slow kiss. "God, I need you." That night they made love slow and deliberate. Each needed to feel the other, to lose themselves in the feel. The world was falling down around them, but in their bed was safe.

Len entered her, feeling her envelop him in every way. "I love you Len." He was soft and slow as he buried his face in her neck and she gently ran her fingers up and down his back. Every touch was electric. They were one a team. Seri came twice wrapping her legs around Len's waist. The second time he had to cover her mouth with his before her moans could be heard throughout the house. He loved when she got loud, but he didn't want to explain it to Jojo or Demora. When he came he buried his face in her neck. He started to move off of her as soon as he was done, but she held him tighter. "Don't."

"Alright." He snuggled in as close as he could while she ran her fingers through his hair. "This is what I need."

"I know. I do too. Len?"

He leaned onto his forearms. Her eyes always amazed him, black but warm. "What baby?"

"I don't know if I told you, but I'm proud of you."

"Even if I'm not proud of me?"

"Doesn't matter." She was smiling up at him. "You are amazing. I promise you one day you'll see it."

"I doubt that. I'm proud of you too Peaches. Still don't know why you agreed to marry me. Honestly it makes me question your judgement sometimes."

"I don't know? Have you seen how some of the interns look at you? Some of them are wondering what is under the uniform."

"Are you sure? I thought they were scared of me. I worked hard for that." Gently he pushed her hair off her forehead.

"Oh, don't worry they are. You have a bit of a reputation. Doesn't mean a few of them wouldn't want to ride you like…"

"That's enough." Seri was giggling. "Are you sure?" McCoy looked genuinely confused.

"I'm a Betazoid. Of course, I'm sure. I won't tell you which ones."

"Good." He rolled off of her before pulling her to him. "Lights off." Seri put her head on his chest. They both slept sound through the night. They would need it to get through the next few days.