Albus wanted to remember.
But you don't get everything you want. On the contrary...
It is possible to wish to be just another ordinary student, finally starting his first year at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and, instead, be kidnapped and miss the entire school year.
He wanted to remember and find out the cause of the intermittent tremors and the horrible nightmares that made him wake up at night screaming.
He wanted to find out the cause of the sinister sensation and stop feeling the cold.
The cold was so intense at times that he felt he was in the middle of a blizzard, without the proper clothes.
The weather could be warm and pleasant, perfect for a casual Quidditch match, but he still felt a terrible cold at random times, without any explanation.
If only he could remember ... he could do something about it. Whatever it was.
He could try to solve his problems, face them.
Be brave and face it all, overcome and move on.
He had woken up at , he remembered things from there, but he didn't remember the day he disappeared (the day he went to buy his things with his father at Diagon Alley) or, mysteriously, his rescue (when he was told that it was Mr. O'Neill who had found him in the Wynn Forest).
He didn't understand how he could have completely forgotten about almost an entire year of his life!
His acquired amnesia was something surreal. He had tried and tried to remember something but to no avail.
They said he had remained in an almost catatonic state for weeks, responding to nothing or anyone.
His catatonic state strongly affected all of his family and friends, who were very concerned about him and were now relieved that he had returned to being like his previous self, even without any memory of past events.
He had received hugs from everyone in his family, all congratulating him on his recovery.
"So, this is where you are. Do you want to play Quidditch?" James asked in a low voice, holding his broom in one hand and the Snitch in the other.
James was practicing Quidditch, as usual in the garden of the Potter's residence.
Last year, he was told Gryffindor had lost the final game against Slytherin and James was still upset about it.
Albus was in the small library, reading a book on herbology.
"No, thanks, James... but good luck with the training," replied Albus, in a tone that he wished sounded cheerful, continuing to turn the pages of the old book slowly. If he looked sad, James would be worried.
His brother had been very worried most of the time for the past few weeks. Albus couldn't even remember the last time his brother had been like himself.
His love for pranks and his provocative nature seemed to transform completely in the presence of Albus, giving way to an overprotective attitude.
James didn't look like James anymore.
When Albus was alone for a long time, James seemed to always worry about him.
When Albus woke up screaming after having a nightmare (which he sometimes barely remembered, he just had a strange, horrible, and ominous feeling), James hadn't laughed at him, nor had he made jokes.
Albus really wasn't used to this more mature James. It was weird.
"Okay, Al. If you need anything, I'll be in the garden. Have a good time reading," said the brother in an oddly formal manner with an incomprehensibly serious look.
Albus smiled faintly at James and watched his brother for a while playing Quidditch from the library window.
This more formal and understanding James' attitude towards him seemed to have made them more distant. As if there was a wall between the two. It seemed too artificial, unauthentic.
The conversations that Albus had had with James so far seemed "rehearsed", their content shallow and the reactions superficial, the brother seemed to choose his words with extreme care.
James had appeared to be relaxed and even excited when he had returned home from Hogwarts, but Albus had realized that when James thought he was alone, his expression was serious and even a little melancholic.
What was he thinking about?
What thoughts made him so tense?
He had made few pranks (Lily was now his only target).
Albus thought James wanted to say something to him, but his brother never succeeded in his failed attempts... he seemed ready to speak, but soon he stopped and changed the subject, which was already infuriating Albus.
It was better for James, for now, to play alone. It was true that he used to love Quidditch... well, he still liked it, but now, his hands trembled so much when he tried to hold the broom that he felt he was going to fall straight to the ground, fall off the broom.
He had hidden his tremors from James the first time he tried to fly with his brother and said he was not feeling too well.
It wasn't just Quidditch. Every time he tried to hold on to something a little more forcefully than usual, his hands trembled.
Sometimes it was difficult to hold a pen to write a letter, the letters ers came out shaky. He used to have strong, firm writing before.
And even when he didn't strain his hands, the tremors happened. They didn't have an exact explanation, they just happened out of nowhere, randomly.
"Albus, what are you doing? I'm bored." Lily came inside, she was holding her purple pet puff which she now called Arnold II in honor of the mini puff that her mother had in her teens.
"James is playing Quidditch," he suggested, pausing the reading. Lily, his younger sister, at least remained as herself, as before.
"And why didn't he ask me?" Said an angry Lily running into the garden and calling James. Lily liked to play Quidditch and was good when she played as a goalkeeper, although she was not as good as a catcher.
Albus still had the difficult task of convincing his parents to let him go to Hogwarts. They wanted to teach him at home. They whispered to each other when they thought Albus wasn't hearing that they thought that "he wasn't ready for the school environment yet."
And, well, Albus didn't feel ready for Hogwarts...
But he knew that if he didn't start Hogwarts, he would regret it for the rest of his life.
Since his kidnapping, Albus has progressively developed some kind of phobia of noisy and crowded places. He felt claustrophobic and couldn't handle it well. He felt very anxious.
Hogwarts was a crowded and noisy place, and he was afraid of having something like an anxiety attack there, in front of everyone.
He had had two of those before. The bad and the good side at the same time was that it happened in front of members of his family. He would be very ashamed if one of these things happened in front of teachers and hundreds of students.
The first happened when he was being interrogated after being discharged from St. Mungos.
Unable to remember any information about the kidnapping episode, Norman O'Neill, the case officer, asked his father for permission to use Legilimency on him to try to find something. But for some reason, the Auror's attempt yielded no results.
On the contrary.
Shortly after pronouncing the spell, Albus felt a very strange sensation in his head and, in a matter of seconds, O'Neill seemed to have been repelled by a force that pushed him backward and made him crash into the wall with a loud crash on the table, dropping various papers and documents. It had been such a violent push that it had caused the auror to hit his head, which was bleeding profusely.
Albus had looked at the auror, horrified, and was ready to apologize. But he felt a very strong pain in his head. A shiver hit him, going to his fingertips, descending like a poisonous snake down his body.
It was then that he had his first anxiety attack in front of his father, his uncle Ron and Auror O'Neill looked at him with wide eyes, surprised and thoughtful. They didn't try to use Legilimency on him again.
The second was at a casual dinner that her parents organized. It was not an important occasion or anything. Just a meeting between friends and family to talk about life, work, things like that. Only his Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione would come with Rose and Hugo. Nothing out of the ordinary. He would greet people and maybe talk a little with Rose..., who was a little different.
He had always liked his cousin, but now she seemed a little more distant, every time someone mentioned Hogwarts, the cousin looked guilty and uncomfortable.
Albus had an anxiety attack in front of everyone at dinner after Uncle Ron lit some fireworks in the house to celebrate the Quidditch team's victory in the International Tournament. It had been awful. He almost had to go to the hospital again and after that whole episode, he had felt incredibly pathetic and depressed for not being able to control his own emotions. Uncle Ron apologized afterward, but it was Albus who thought he should be apologizing for ruining dinner.
Well..., at least James didn't say anything. Instead, his brother came inside his room later while Albus was pretending to sleep (he wasn't sleeping well, but he had to at least try, even if most of the times, he never managed to sleep the right amount of time), and dropped a big giant chocolate bar near his bed, leaving immediately and gently closing the door not to wake up Albus.
At first, he thought it to be some kind of elaborated prank, maybe the chocolate had Chilean pepper inside or it'd explode, something like that, but nothing happened. Just normal chocolate. Just an "unnormal"James...
He heard the door open. Finally, his father had arrived, but Albus would wait to speak to him alone.
His dad had investigated the Wynn forest for weeks together with O'Neill (uncle Ron had been forbidden to enter the place because a judicial precedent had been opened with the Ukrainian incident...), but nothing else had been found in that part of the forest, perhaps because of international pressure from the Romanian government that was reluctant to grant the aurors permission to conduct searches and continue in the territory without a federal search and seizure warrant, claiming that the forest was very dangerous and no one should enter it. But they refused to name the ones (or the things) responsible for the danger. It remained a huge mystery.
Both the Ukrainian and Romanian governments seemed to want no one in their respective forests.
The formal mandate would take time due to bureaucracy, so the search had been momentarily paralyzed, it was only today that the aurors got permission to continue the searches. But Albus had heard, when his father spoke to his uncle Ron, that the Minister seemed to want a greater focus to be given to the Dark Path Movement, which had recently set fire to the home of an employee of the Ministry.
William Magis had spoken to his father using the fireplace, ordering him to immediately and completely stop the search for clues and, instead, focus on what he thought to be really important at the time.
Auror O'Neill was investigating the Proud New Magicians with Odgen and Horton Cirley's support, while auror Ottis was on paid leave because his leg had gotten badly infected and no one knew how to treat it properly (not even ).
Albus could hear many things that were whispered in the house.
The walls were thin and he was a curious boy, he wanted to know what was going on and he didn't think it was fair for adults to hide so many important things. He paid special attention to matters related to the Wynn forest, where he had been found, as he thought he could thus discover something that would help him remember what had happened.
But his curiosity in "adult" matters (as his father and mother used to say) was, in a way, like a double-edged sword..., because he had discovered some disconcerting things about some cases of his father's cases, with terrible photos illustrating them.
He had entered his father's office when Harry had gone out to investigate a case that he did not give specific details about, it was at dawn and everyone was asleep, except for he was having an episode of insomnia and, no matter how hard he tried, he could not go back to sleep and he felt extremely awake and full of energy.
He had opened the drawer and seen a folder with several papers, but that was not what had caught his attention, there was near the magical paper grinder his father had for confidential documents and files, a book and a file folder, scrawled, and on top of them there was a paper written: "to shred".
But why would his father want to get rid of it? Albus took a better look at both.
"The Betrayed Revolution: My Story - from legality to prison, volume I, Magnus Elliston's autobiography" was a giant book with a red cover and the title engraved in gold.
"The Proud New Magicians's Investigative Report, written by Horton Cirley" had several images of the alleged members and the groups' activities.
Albus thought he had heard the name Magnus Elliston before..., from some conversation his father had had with Uncle Ron ... and, he had read, in an old newspaper that his parents left in the garage an article about the New Proud Magicians, although he did not remember very well what exactly the newspapers were talking about.
He wanted to take the book and the report with him to see if he could find something useful there, or at least, something interesting, because, after all, the night was long and he knew he wouldn't even be able to sleep again nor did he want to, because he knew he would have a strange nightmare again, which he might not even remember when he woke up, but that would bring "the cold" and that feeling... as if something very bad was going to happen in the next instant.
"Albus?" Albus was startled and almost screamed.
"James? I... I— "Albus was already trying to think about some excuse.
"You shouldn't be here... Can't you sleep?" Albus just shook his head confirming his brother's reasoning, who approached slowly and looked at the book and the file.
"Do you want to read these things?" James asked, raising his eyebrow slightly, confused.
"Yes, but, father wants to get rid of those and I—"
"I'll help," James replied before Albus could finish his sentence. Albus was surprised by his brother's attitude, James always used to ask for something in return, even when it came to simple things, the brother never did anything for free.
"But how? And why are you going to help me? " James went to get his wand from the room, tiptoeing, came back and muttered a spell. Suddenly there was a copy of the book and the file. Albus took the originals and left the fake ones in place.
"I decided to be nice," said James vaguely, without looking at his brother. Albus thought it was the ideal time for James to talk to him about what had been bothering him since Albus returned, but the brother said nothing and went back to his room, leaving him with the book and the file.
He decided to be nice ...
Well, James was acting a little more mature these days, but Albus couldn't shake the feeling that James was doing it because he felt guilty about something ... but for what exactly and why?
Albus decided to stop wondering, he had to talk to his father. He was irritated since everyone except Lily (maybe James, he didn't know what his brother thought about it) was against his idea of going to Hogwarts later this year.
Of course, he would have to start the first year and be one year behind Rose, but he still wanted to go to Hogwarts. If he waited another year, his mother had argued, Harry and Ginny could teach him at home, cover the first and second years and he could take an exam to enter the third year ..., but Albus didn't want that.
"Dad? Can I talk to you—?"
"O'Neill it's absurd! They chased us out like dogs and ordered us to leave! We had a warrant! What are they hiding? " His father said nervously, he was standing near the entrance to the house, Albus hid next to a bookcase on the first floor. More "adult" conversation. But maybe he could discover something useful.
"They made the region some kind of special ecological indigenous reserve. In two days, according to Romanian law regarding the lands designated as such, the " nationals or foreigners are not allowed to enter the place without the permission of the Romanian Minister of Magic, under penalty of imprisonment ", that is, we will no longer be able to investigate," commented the man with a strange name, tired.
They moved away from the door momentarily and went to sit on the benches in the garden, Albus caught a glimpse of his father's angry expression from the window, he wanted to hear more of it so he deftly left the side of the bookcase and hid in an old moldy clothes closet in what was a sort of guest room on the ground floor (which Teddy only used when he started his auror training, against the wishes of his grandmother Andromeda, the two kept fighting for a while, but Teddy soon moved to a small apartment near Hogsmeade and with some time, his grandmother accepted).
The open window of the room faced the yard and Albus could hear, with some difficulty, the conversation, since they whispered, in a confidential tone
At that time, James was holed up in his room doing what Albus thought were magical experiments, Lily and his mother had gone out for their sister to attend a muggle school friend's birthday party. A school where Lily learned the basics of writing and math before going to Hogwarts.
"How are we going to get around this? I want—, I need to know who kidnapped my son. I will ask Hermione for advice, she will surely know how to help," said his father, hopefully.
"Yes, I will do the research too, I will speak to Cirley, he—" His father grunted, visibly annoyed.
"I know you and Weasley don't like Cirley, but he has a master's degree in International Magic Law, as well as several other titles and, in addition, he has many contacts all over the world. If I'm not mistaken he is a close friend of the previous Romanian Minister of Magic, he told me that they played golf and went to parties at one of his resorts, "said O'Neill in a neutral tone, but his father was very firm.
"I'm not going to owe Cirley anything."
"Well, I can talk to him and then I—"
"No. You know I still consider him— "
"Mr. Potter, with all due respect, this hypothesis is completely unfounded. I do not wish to lack you respect, far from it, but I ask that you do not let a simple enmity become an excuse to consider someone guilty— "
"He was there, O'Neill. The day Albus disappeared he had been there and, I did, secretly, tried to investigate him when it all started, but suddenly, as soon as I interrogated him, all the investigation that I was doing on my own and no one had ever said anything, was criticized and I was removed from the case, he certainly knows that Denis Sallinger, that—"
"I investigated it myself. As I already told you there's nothing. And, anyway, Cirley knows a lot of people, Mr. Potter, including some reports, what is wrong with that?! He has previously worked at the International Council of Journalists and Reporters from the Wizarding World, so I would not be surprised to find out he knows a lot of journalists, but there is no evidence against him, " said O'Neill in a slightly irritated tone.
"Exactly, he is influential enough to get away with everything—"
"And the reason, Mr. Potter? What would lead such a successful man, a career politician, with the possibility of one day becoming Minister of Magic, to kidnap a boy and tarnish his reputation forever? Tell me your reasoning, . And do not answer that it is because he does not like you. It doesn't make any sense, at all. In addition, you know very well that you were removed from the case, not because you started investigating Horton Cirley-... you and I investigate everyone we could, even Ogden and Ottis, this is protocol-, you were removed from the case because it was your son, and a father can't be responsible for his son's case, " said O'Neill in a suddenly irritated tone, raising his voice a little bit. His father did not answer, but he let out an irritated sigh.
"Did you find something about the dark magic ritual you had said alleged happened?" Tried his father in a serious tone. What? Did Albus hear it right? Dark Magic Ritual?
" , again, with all due respect, I have, countless times, explained to you it was a mere deduction. I deducted this. With the nails and his blood, I thought it could be something like this, I don't know more than you. I mean, I would immediately tell you if I discovered anything," said the man, with an angry tone. His father only signed, defeated.
"Sorry. It's just frustrating not to know who did this to my son," he said in a neutral tone.
"It must be hard, , it must be hard, but remember that I'm here to help you. Everyone at the auror department wants to support you the best they can. And, well, even if you don't believe, even Horton Cirley was worried," he said in a neutral tone.
"He sent Dennis Sallinger to the hospital so he could get some photos, some information," said Harry, his tone was angry and even dangerous, he angrily crumpled a leaf in his hands.
"I asked him about it, Mister Potter. And..., well, he really didn't. It turns out Dennis Sallinger is a disgusting snoopy journalist and a horrible human being!" sentenced O'Neill with more fury in his voice than Albus thought to be appropriate. He soon apologized, uncomfortable.
"I don't like him, either," laughed his father.
"He accused us of neglecting the PNM and the DPM! If he's so bothered by it, why won't he investigate it alone? He keeps sending me e-mails, asking about the PNM," criticized O'Neill.
E-mails... Wizards were starting to accept some levels of muggle technology. Harry thought it made things easier, more practical.
"Called the PNM a mad cult," murmured O'Neill softly. Harry sighed, tired, then began to speak.
"My son hasn't been well O'Neill, he has nightmares almost every day, he doesn't say anything to me or Ginny, he has been very lonely these past few days, he spends a lot of time reading, which is a good thing..., to read..., but he seems always tired and I don't know what I should do O'Neill, "said his father, O'Neill remained quiet, his father sighed again and continued.
"He seems so distant, so serious. He wants to go to Hogwarts, but I really don't know if it's the best for him. I have full confidence in the teachers, but I know that children can be a little cruel, and he had had anxiety attacks and, I ..., I don't know what to do, "said Harry in a sad tone. He did not know that his father felt that way about him.
So worried. His father sounded so tense and defeat.
"Let him go, that is my advice. You say that he spends a lot of time alone, maybe if he met with other children his age, he will get a little better, but ..., you said he doesn't tell you things, did he remember anything? " O'Neill asked curiously.
"I don't know... even if he remembers it, I don't think he'll tell me," said Harry and shortly afterward there was a silence that lasted for a few moments, Albus thought he had been discovered, but realized that his mother and sister had arrived and the two ended the conversation.
"Marta got a puppy, I want it too! Daddy, I want a puppy!" Lily demanded from a distance.
"I'd better go for now, Mr. Potter. Horton Cirley, at my request, organized together with a marketing consultancy a recruitment campaign for young aurors and I would like you to take a look later. He paid all the costs himself and is being really helpful," said O'Neill, saying goodbye to Harry who, by his expression, didn't seem to like receiving Cirley's help.
Albus decided to go up and wait a little longer in his room, maybe he would take a nap too, he wasn't in the mood for dinner, he wasn't hungry.
He sneaked back to his room, taking care so no one saw him. He closed the door and fell lazily on his bed. His room had become something like an intimate paradise (at least when he wasn't waking up screaming from yet another nightmare), he had decorated the room with some gifts that were given to him to celebrate his departure from St. Mungus: some plants from Neville, a stuffed dragon by Charles, a book about Acromantulas from Hagrid, an agenda by Rose that said motivational phrases every time it was opened, among other things.
His workbench was full of presents and his room was now full of things ..., in the first days of his leaving the hospital, his parents bought him several things, even without him asking.
He had been reading a lot in the past few weeks, as it distracted him, so he had won several books that were now on his (almost fully packed).
He had hidden the books he had taken from his father's office on a loose board on the floor under his bed, he had placed a carpet on top so that no one would notice..., his father had developed the habit of, before going to bed, checking Albus in his room. He opened the door when he thought he was asleep and looked at him for a few moments, going to sleep only afterward.
He heard a light knock on the door and then his mother's voice followed.
"Albus, it's dinner time." Albus just sighed softly, he was tired, and hearing his father's comments had made him anxious. As he did not answer, his mother entered the room, wearing a party dress that she had worn for Lily's friend's birthday.
"Oh, dear, are you going to get some sleep? I can separate the food for you to eat later "
"Good idea, thanks," he said, pulling the covers on, but his mother didn't leave and looked at him with concern. She closed the door gently and sat on the bed.
"You haven't been sleeping well, do you want to talk about nightmares? Do you really not remember? "
Albus shook his head. Why didn't they want to believe him? It was the truth, he just woke up scared, with horrible sensations ..., the parts he remembered were too confusing and bizarre as if they were hallucinations, a mixture of reality with dreams and episodes of sleep paralysis.
And the things he did remember about..., were the things he really didn't want to talk about..., like...
(Like the man in the well, the corridors. The corridors! They lead to the man in the well.)
Albus shook his head, trying to get rid of the intrusive and uncomfortable thoughts.
He wouldn't talk about it with anyone.
He couldn't talk about the terrible dream world, let alone the man in the well.
That thing... who looked like a man, but..., was it really a man? He only saw his anthropomorphic silhouette.
He didn't remember most things, but this thing particular he did.
And that tormented him.
But to talk about it... it was a very sensitive subject, it would be like bringing something from the "dream-world" into his reality, welcoming it to exist in his daily life as a shadow-like creature of pure horror that would observe him closely, it would be like opening some kind of spiritual portal (some kind of passage) for the hideous man on the well to inhabit the real world and participate in his daily life! Too horrible.
He didn't want to think about it.
He wanted to... banish the man from the well out of this reality, he should stay only in his dreams, because he wasn't welcomed in his reality.
Perhaps Albus was being too superstitious, but he felt, deep in his soul, that he should, at all costs, avoid talking about this abominable thing!
Also, he feared that if he talked about it with them, his parents would definitely refuse to send him to Hogwarts! In the first..., how would he even introduce the subject:
("Hi, mom and dad, I usually don't remember my dreams, but, you know..., when I do I see a man in the well after going around countless circular corridors, I call it a man, but perhaps I should say the t hing in the well because words aren't enough to describe the terror that its mere silhouette provokes! So, can I go to Hogwarts now? Besides, when I was at St. Mungus, I also think I saw— I heard-)
His line of thought was cut off by his mother who looked at him worried.
"Sweetie, you know you can tell me everything, right?"
(No. I can't tell you about the man in the weel.)
"Yes, mom, t-thanks. I'll just get some sleep."
She looked at him, not convinced, but left after some time. The problem was..., now that he had started think about the thing. He no longer thought that sleeping was a good idea, not for now.
Maybe he could read a bit about magical creatures, or tend to his plants, or... what about sending a letter to Rose?
Great. He wanted to talk more with his cousin, catch up with her. Talk about her first year...
Albus would like her cousin to tell her more about her first year, but the girl always seemed to avoid giving him relevant details saying something like "it wasn't really that cool without you Albus! I'm sure your first year will be way more fantastic, much better than my first year, which was totally boring!"
He was pretty sure his cousin only said those things to cheer him up since he doubted Rose hadn't had even a little fun... after all, she had made lots of friends and even (Uncle Ron had told them, mildly annoyed, at the last dinner... the panic attack one...) may have gotten a boyfriend.
He remembers she replying "Dad! I don't have one, I already told you!"
He wasn't angry, even in difficult times, we have to relax and have fun, don't we?
He only wished he could have been with her, having his first year like a normal boy.
Now he would have to start his first year late, he didn't know anyone who would be starting their first year now, he was nervous and didn't know what to expect.
He only knew one thing... without James' pressure not to get into Slytherin (and with the possibility of not even being able to go to Hogwarts), the fear of the sorting ceremony was way more manageable.
He didn't feel brave enough to get into Gryffindor. A true Gryffindor would not be afraid (of the man in the well).
He'd face his problems (the man in the well).
Maybe he wanted to be in Ravenclaw..., at least he thought that way he could be left alone, quietly reading, studying, and making friends.
No dangerous or strange adventures.
Albus just wanted peace.
Peace, books and some good friends.
That's what he wanted to find at Hogwarts.
(But that won't help at all with the "man in the well-issue", the man on the bottom of a deep pit that—.)
He began to write, his handwriting a little shaky.
Dear Rose,
How are you?
I expect you are doing okay.
Again I appreciate the gifts you sent me, they are really helpful.
Could you send me more of those books on astrology and divination?
You don't believe those things, but I think they're a lot of fun.
You told me about some teachers..., from what you told me Mr. Ikabonf is one of the strictest ones.
But what about the others?
I'm curious, and I wanted to know a little more.
Answer me when you can.
Your cousin, Albus.
It was a very short letter, but at least he did write a bit to his cousin. He already felt a little better.
He leafed through the book, distractedly, the one he hid under the boards, the one written by Magnus Elliston himself. But the text was very difficult to understand with an inviting and propagandistic language.
The body, use it as a legitimate instrument for popular political expression...
Politics are a way to change the production system, and being apolitical...
The popular expression, whether violent or not, is a mere counter-response to the current system. The transforming spirit...
He paid more attention to the images, in warm tones, with images of people united, apparently without much hierarchy, in large halls of debate.
All the images evoked some kind of energetic form of political action, illustrating what Magnus Elliston seemed to understand as "popular expression of bodies instilled with the transforming spirit," at least that was what he had said in the chapter title.
Magnus Elliston, a revolutionary, concluded Albus, not that opinionated on that subject, at least not now.
He then started reading Horton Cirley's report. Mr. Cirley wrote a lot, with a series of complex analysis and complimentary notes.
They claim to be "wise" and value a hierarchical structure. According to my analysis, I can say they are clearly a cult, although they obviously deny it. They advise that people should have no contact with what they call "alternative media". Their way of recruiting new members is still under study, but they appear to ask new members to recruit others, it all seems similar to a muggle financial pyramid system. I t is not known to what extent they are active in society and not much about their specific inner practices. Recent evidence may indicate that systemic violence is used to kept "junior" members under strict control. The possibility that they are using spells capable of controlling people cannot be discarded (Imperius) and Legilimency is suspected to be used to prove new member's loyalty. No specific new information about who could be the leader of the group. Even the most important members don't seem to know... but how did this group was created, in the first place? How that leader was able to establish such a large number of supporters?
He soon gave up reading and abandoned the books to take care of his plants. It was only later that he had managed to speak to his father. He had gone to bed, but he hadn't been able to sleep at all. He decided to finally talk with his father.
"Okay, honey. Let's talk in my office."
His father's office was on the second floor, close to his and Gina's room, and it was where his father worked long hours when he was overworked, which usually happened. It was not a rare thing.
Even if he always had Ron or his colleagues' help, it was not easy being the Chief Auror. There were always official reports to write and letters of complaint to answer.
He knew about that all because he had already entered there many times and seen some of those documents.
After all, he was a very curious boy.
He liked to know things.
Harry Potter sat on the chair and pulled another one for Albus to sit too. His father wiped his glasses again and looked at him, waiting patiently for Albus to speak.
"Dad, I want to go to Hogwarts." Albus hated how shaky his voice was. He knew he needed to insist and convince his father that he was ready to go. He took a deep breath and continued, in a slightly firmer voice, "I'm much better now."
"Albus, you know you don't have to go. We can teach you at home. It wouldn't be a problem. Your mom and I talked about it," said his father in a firm voice, but in a much more loving tone than his usual one, looking directly into his child's hands, worried. Why was his father so perceptive?! Albus knew that they were shaking a lot! He was trying to hide...
"Dad, please. II will see the St. Mungus' healer, a therapist" promised Albus, without looking at his father.
He had initially refused, as he did not want to discuss personal things with a stranger and well, he thought, stubbornly, that he did not need a healer's help.
What he needed was Hogwarts!
If in order to be allowed to go to Hogwarts he had to consult with a healer, he would do it.
A healer couldn't help with (the man in the well) anything, but he would do it.
"I don't want to deprive you of the experience of going to Hogwarts, Al. I just care about you a lot. Last year was the worst year of my life. It was a horrible year for all the family and friends. I and your mom just want to protect you and make sure you are well."His father used a soft tone, his voice charged with emotion, still staring at his son's trembling hands, apparently caused by the Cruciatus Curses that had been thrown at him, at least that was what he was told.
Albus sighed, he understood, but that didn't mean it wasn't frustrating to be treated like a fragile piece of glass about to break.
He was starting to feel frustrated and overwhelmed, he was about to start crying. He had to calm down. If he didn't want to be treated like he was fragile..., he couldn't get so emotional by a mere conversation with his father.
"About the nightmares, didn't you remember anything?"
(Man in the well, a man in the well, right at the bottom of the pit, he's the man in the well.)
"No," Albus answered too quickly and noticed his father's penetrating gaze. As an auror, his father could extremely perceptive, Albus was sure he noticed he was hiding something.
He did not want to tell his father, as he could worry even more.
These days he had dreamed also (he did not remember everything) that there was a black figure in the room, the size of a person, his silhouette looked just like..., that thing in the well.
Soon the dream changed and he was swimming in a river of filthy waters shined by the moonlight, but something was pulling his feet and tried to drown him, then the corridors appeared... endless corridors that lead him to the pit.
It would be better not to tell him any of this.
He'd kept this secret.
"Albus, you sometimes wake up screaming ..., I've had horrible nightmares too in the past, maybe talking about it can help," suggested his father deftly.
Albus had also not told him about the episodes when he was half awake, half asleep but could not move in bed or wake up, in which he had thought he saw strange shadows stirring in the room.
"But I will get better." He insisted vaguely, not quite sure.
"Albus, maybe your mom and I could do more for you if you told us more." Albus was silent, his father sighed in defeat.
He was ready to continue insisting, but his father raised his hand and continued talking.
"I'm going to discuss this again with your mother. Let's think about it," he ended in a calm tone.
Albus just nodded and left, he knew it would be best to leave his father alone for a while, alone with his thoughts.
He just had to say one last thing...
"Dad?" His father immediately stopped, highly interest, fully focusing on his son, still with a worried gaze.
"Did you never stopped searching for me?" He asked it seemed important to know.
"No, sweetie. Never," he said, firm as iron.
"B-But if it took too long, would you? Would you stop?" He asked in a low voice, timidly.
"No. I don't think I could have ever stopped. Not until I found you," he said, emotionally.
"Thanks, dad," he said, for some reason he wanted to cry. Was he happy? What was that feeling?
"Al..."
"Yes?"
"If you need to tell me something-"
"No. I'm okay," he said. His father didn't seem to believe it. Al is felt Harry could see right throught him, he could see he was lying.
Albus' Memories:
He had woken up confused... at , and for a brief moment, though he was home, but soon noticed the ugly white ceiling and the too hard bed.
Someone had placed some metal chairs next to his bed. He had looked around and noticed the small sign on the wall "New St. Mungus Wing for Extended Psychiatric Treatments."
Albus didn't know why he was there.
He tried to remember the past few days, struggling to stay calm.
He wanted to find out exactly how he ended up in a psychiatric ward at St. Mungus.
Was he sick?
Was he mad?
Yesterday (or what he considered "yesterday") he remembered his father saying that the next day they would go to Diagon Alley to buy the Hogwarts material, he had been excited (even if a little too anxious) and did not see the time to finally be able to buy his wand and books, but... then what happened?
Yesterday: July 31, 2018, today it was August 1st.
He had gone to sleep as usual, but ... but ... what happened next?
It was strange, his mind seemed to be blank.
Today he should be going to buy things at Diagon Alley, right? Or no?
Why was he here then?
He didn't want to be here.
He wanted to go buy his school supplies, or he wouldn't be able to start his Hogwarts's first year, not without his books or without his wand.
Had he been in an accident, had something bad happened? His head hurt a little now.
He got up slowly and moved away from his bed, going towards the curtains, pushed it, and heard an exclamation coming from the other side of the room, from the door.
"A-Albus?" It was his father who had just opened the door.
His father looked older, very tired, thinner, and with dark circles under his eyes, he wore his auror uniform.
"Dad?" Murmured the boy.
Harry looked very surprised and, for some reason, his lips trembled, he approached, crouched down, and cautiously held his shoulders carefully, his eyes watery when he looked at his son.
"Yes. It's dad. Do you recognize me, dear?" He asked, clearly and slowly, his voice full of hope, "Albus, y-you... can you understand me? You answered, you—," continued Harry in a low tone, still speaking slowly, full of emotion.
Albus was very confused by his father's reaction, but didn't have much time to ask about the reason for Harry's reaction, as his father soon pulled him into a tight hug.
"Dad, what's going on?" Harry was crying with emotion and Albus was getting a little embarrassed, and worried. Was he that sick, that ill, that we wouldn't recognize or understand people?!
"It's going to be okay, honey, we're going to take care of you, we're helping you," he said in a choked voice, without explaining anything.
It took a while for his father to stop crying, Albus had never seen his father so emotional before, his eyes red and swollen and a strained expression on his face.
"Albus, it doesn't have to be now. For now, you just need to rest and recover, but then I need you to talk to some aurors about what happened," said Harry with a worried look, he spoke slowly, pronouncing the sentences very clearly, as if Albus could not understand otherwise.
Talk to the aurors about what? What was happening? Had he done something wrong?
"But I didn't do anything, yesterday you—"
"Do you remember yesterday, dear?" Asked his father, wiping a single tear on his face, with a gentle but extremely confused expression.
"Yes sure. Yesterday you said we were going to Diagonal Alley, didn't you? What happened? Are we still going? " Harry looked both shocked and thoughtful, he made Albus go back to bed and pulled out a chair so he could sit near his bedside, he gently put his hand on his forehead, checking for fever.
"What do you mean, Albus?" Asked his father, raising his eyebrows. Dead serious.
"Today is August 1st, you said we were going to the Diagonal Alley," replied Albus nervously at his father's serious and concerned look.
His father's lips trembled again and Albus thought he would begin crying again.
It was very strange to see his father in that state.
Harry ended up just getting up and heading for the door.
"Honey, I'm calling the healers, okay? They will take a look at you." After a few seconds, a kind healer entered the room. He was older (perhaps older than his father), had long blond hair and thick eyebrows. Albus found the man's appearance very funny, he carried a metal tray with a series of colorful potions.
"Hello, Albus, my name is Igor Sales. I am the healer responsible for the ward. How are you feeling today?" The man asked a series of questions, nudged him with his wand several times, almost poked his bellybutton, casting unknown spells, and, in the end, gave him a pink potion to drink that tasted like smashed sunflowers.
"It is a potion I made, approved, of course by a formal Ministry's inspection. It is similar to the spells used to animate, the potion will cause a feeling of peace and calm, but without leaving you drowsy. Several of my patients complained that all the potions make them sleepy so I decided to take an initiative to change that," said the man almost passionately.
He seemed to be very committed to his inventions, because in the short time he used to examine Albus, he had spoken about many of his inventions in the field of wizarding medicine, potions, spells and paraphernalia that he had invented.
"It was difficult to get here at St. Mungus, all these rules and protocols..., I don't see the need for so much bureaucracy! The country I came from is nothing like that! In my beloved village of Yutacktashi, in Belarus we are freer to be creative and inventive. They didn't want to accept me here at the beginning, they said that I tended to invent too much!" The man complained, performing one last spell on Albus, he felt a slight wave of heat.
Albus thought the man was very interesting and would, indeed, like to know more about his story, but before the boy could ask anything, the healer left and went to talk to his father who was waiting, nervous, outside.
His mother had arrived, he had seen her at a glance before Mr. Sales closed the door.
Albus could hear parts of the conversation between the healer and his parents.
"[...] Is it common?"
"Mr. Potter, as a healer, I have seen several cases where [...]"
"But, maybe it's better this way."
"Ginny, not if that's [...]"
But Albus had heard something coming from inside the room ..., a hoarse and strange whisper.
Albus searched for the source of the sound quickly, turning his head around the room, it seemed to be coming from the window, he could hear some creepy sounds, a voice speaking in an echoing, and muffled tone, the words more like hissing.
"I ... s, -"
"But, n ... the C... -"
"I'm e-, get out ...-"
How strange, Albus tried to see if there was someone there, terrified.
What floor was he on again? He looked at the sign on the door... 10th floor (St. Mungus had undergone renovations, many floors added).
He got up slowly and started walking towards the place, a little scared. He walked halfway and stopped, listening carefully.
"I'm in...-"
"In the C... we- ... one! -"
"This Cir... not- ... close-"
"... that ... here... nothing ... can ... I ... with you-."
He was shaking. What was that, who was whispering that from the 10th-floor window?
He approached the window and the sound stopped abruptly.
"...do...not-..."
"It's... ans-"
The whispering voice had changed places, now it seemed to be coming from the other side of the room. Then suddenly-
THECIRCLE!
Albus almost screamed, terrified.
The whispering voice had turned into a loud cry coming from a completely indeterminate place, he couldn't determine the place of origin.
It seemed to come from everywhere, while paradoxically it came from nowhere.
It was echoing around...
Who was yelling?
Albus was confused.
The scream had not come from the window..., or from the other side of the room.
He decided to check the bathroom door. He violently opened the door, hitting it against the wall, but there was no one there.
And no more sound.
Albus tried to hear it again but failed.
He checked the small window. Impossible, they were in a very high place.
Who had been whispering those things?
Who had screamed?
After a brief analysis, Albus decided to go back to his bed and attributed the event to tiredness and potions, isolating it in the back of his mind.
He was already in a psychiatric ward ... he didn't want to have to explain to his parents that he was hearing voices.
But he didn't have much time to think about that bizarre event anyway...
"Albus!" His mother opened the door and approached him, a little hesitant at first, but then hugged him with affection when she saw that her son had recognized her and greeted her normally.
"Mom, dad, what happened? I don't remember..., "asked Albus, visibly confused. His mother and father looked at each other with a serious look.
"Albus, what is the last thing you remember?" Asked his father gently, sitting on the chair next to his bed and conjuring one for his mother, who gave her father an apprehensive look.
"Harry, are you sure we should force him to remember?" His mother had a sad look on his face, but Albus wanted to remember, it was necessary.
"But, but... Dad, I don't understand anything. What happened? And... what day is it today? Why am I here?" He asked in a weak voice, his head hurt. The father approached Albus and lovingly took his hand.
"My head hurts ...," he murmured, his father looked at him with concern, and his mother promptly covered him, Albus felt a little dizzy at the moment.
"We'll get the monsters who hurt you, I promise," said Harry, his tone was full of anger, not aimed at his son, of course, but aimed at ... who exactly?
Albus thought it really best not to talk about the voice he had heard earlier..., even though he could still hear a faint whisper coming from an indeterminate direction..., for a few seconds he had the feeling that it was coming from his mind, but soon the sound seemed to change its origin, just echoing around everywhere... and nowhere!
Albus attributed this to tiredness again and decided to think it was no big deal.
It had to be nothing.
Maybe he just needed to get some more rest, after all.
"Today is July 8, 2019," his father had a calm tone in his voice, but his other hand trembled. Albus stared at him for a while and then he couldn't take it, he had to laugh.
A loud laugh filled the room, but Harry didn't seem to find it funny, quite the contrary, he held his son's hand tighter and gave his mother an alarmed look.
"Dear..." His mother whispered, worried.
"I... I don't remember ... I don't remember anything, I can't. This date cannot be right," murmured Albus, feeling suddenly melancholy, a physical and mental tiredness took over his body and he felt cold... very cold, his hands started to shake.
"Albus?" Whispered the father, confused.
"I'm cold." Her mother raised her hand and touched his forehead with her palm.
"Am I sick?" He asked in a shaky voice, he felt tears slowly build up in the corner of his eyes, he took a deep breath and tried to contain them, but when his father hugged him he started to cry on his father's shoulders.
"You just went through a lot, it'll get better," he whispered.
He told his parents the last thing he remembered (the day before they went to Diagon Alley).
"Okay, this is the last thing you remember, isn't it? Don't you remember anything about the day we went to the Leaky Cauldron? You bought your wand ... your cat ..., "said his father, starting to list some things that had been done that day. Albus tried to remember anything, but he couldn't. He shook his head.
How could he not remember anything?
What had happened the whole year?
His parents remained with him, asking many questions Albus couldn't really answer.
His father was trying everything to make him remember, but it wasn't working..., in fact, it was only making Albus more nervous.
Suddenly, a Patronus crossed the room, bringing warmth to the ambiance, Albus could hear the following message:
" , it's urgent, we had an update on a case, come to Cheshire as soon as possible, it's about that case from before." His father appeared momentarily confused, but soon his face got serious as he seemed to have remembered something.
He gave his mother and Albus an apologetic look.
"Ginny, I can explain the situation to O'Neill, and—"
"No, Harry, go, I can handle this while you go. If he's saying it's urgent, then you shall check the situation," said Ginny, firmly.
"I don't know, should I really go, now, at all times?"
"Harry, remember that William Magis has been quite your critic," said Ginny with a serious expression.
"Albus, I'll check this out and I'll be back soon, okay?" Said his father, looking sad, he gave Albus a last hug before leaving the room to be able to perform an aparation (because you couldn't do that at ).
"What's happening in Cheshire?" Asked Albus before he could control himself, he had always been quite curious.
"Just auror things, I guess," said his mother, looking at him with teary eyes, "So good to have you back," she said later, emotional. Albus felt awkward and didn't know what to say or what to do in this situation.
He didn't remember anything, he did, of course, felt guilty for making them worry so much. He felt... fine.
Physically fine, yes.
Just a headache that was now disappearing, and he felt a bit cold.
Apart from (hearing voices with an unknown origin) all that happened earlier, he thought he was overall... okay.
It was only at night, when he was again alone (her mother wanted to stay with him, but the healers discouraged her, saying that she also needed to rest, while his father had not returned), that he saw, for the first time he can remember, the terrible man in the well.
Sleep took a long time to come.
For some reason, he felt agitated and too anxious, he expected, irrationally, that the whispers would start again (even if he had repeatedly tried to convince himself that they had been a normal occurrence, a result of tiredness or something like that).
When he first fell asleep, he woke up shortly after, sweaty and shaky, with a hideous feeling, a bad feeling that almost screamed at him that there was something wrong.
As if he shouldn't go back to sleep or something bad would happen, an irrational and almost childish feeling.
After all, it wasn't as if some kind of monster was going to catch him in his dreams.
Completely unreal.
When did he become so... superstitious?
He tried to calm down, trying to think of anything else.
He thought about Hogwarts... only now did he realize that he had lost a year of his magical education, his first year of Hogwarts... the year that wasn't, the classes he didn't go to..., all he had lost...
He was suddenly starting to feel melancholic, but also sleepy.
Too sleepy.
...
A mixture of dark figures and shadows.
He felt an intense cold, his body tingled painfully as if little needles were pricking him everywhere in his body, over and over again.
He didn't know if he was dreaming or not.
He couldn't... breath right.
It felt like he was drowning.
Everything was dark, he couldn't see anything. Was he in the room, or... somewhere else?
With great difficulty, he pulled the air into his lungs but choked.
Suddenly he saw a flash of light, very fast, there was a ray storm, and because of that he finally managed to distinguish the shapes. He was in the hospital.
(In the psychiatric ward)
A very strong storm was falling, Albus was gradually able to breathe normally.
The storm had probably woken him up.
He tried to go back to sleep after a while, but he couldn't do it anymore.
He was too cold and he was too scared to go back to sleep.
He tried to fall asleep for hours.
It was almost morning when he finally managed to do so.
...
But...
He felt the presence of someone or something in the room..., but strangely, he couldn't move or speak, and he was, again, suffocating.
He thought he had woken up several times, he would open a door and walk down a long corridor, going on and on, but he didn't really wake up, because every time the cycle was repeated.
How long did these dreamlike wanderings through strange corridors repeated themselves?
He counted over a hundred times ..., he felt that he was suffocating in bed and that he had a presence with him, he would then "wake up", open the door leading to a corridor and walk, but soon afterward he would find himself in bed again, suffocating and think to himself:
"I want to wake up, really wake up, please let me wake up. Who are you who are here with me? Answer me, why am I walking these corridors? "
The last few times he had felt like he was... divided. Part of him walked through corridors and the other was suffocating on the bed.
In one of the times he walked down some more corridors, he was able to see a well by the end of it and had a horrible feeling.
"I must never approach it. I have to stay away from the well," he thought.
But as the dream cycles passed, each corridor seemed to be approaching the cursed well.
The well's shape was so perfectly... circular, aperfect circle... and
-inthecircleisthesta- (the man of the well, the man of the well, he is there, I can feel it!)
His attentive conscience, his instincts warned him that it would be there... he.
Albus didn't know how he knew him, but he knew he was dangerous, he was the man in the well.
The corridor now leaded to a trial that ended too close to the well.
Way too close.
He couldn't walk that corridor anymore.
It took him down a horrendous path!
(Don't look inside the well, if you see it-)
But it was as if his body moved on it's own, and he looked...
With his cold and long hands, and his face involved in dense shadows, evoking an immense terror, the man of the well looked directly at him.
They both saw each other.
Inexplicably and suddenly, he found himself inside the deep and dark pit, but he wasn't himself... he was now the man of the well, and saw himself at the top of the well.
This was wrong! He wasn't that thing!
He was Albus... at the same time... he knew he wasn't himself.
I'm—
He heard a whisper that seemed to be his own thought... ...but that strangely... wasn't.
Or was it?
The rest of that "thought/whisper" was unintelligible.
Confused about his own identity, he—
Suddenly he had returned to his bed and was again choking, waited for the cycle of corridors to begin once again, but this time it did not happen.
Instead, he felt like there was a strange presence in the room, near his bed, peeking into the dark with dead eyes, staring at him.
He felt an icy hand touching him.
The hand!
He screamed like he never had before, panting and terrified.
"Albus!" His father. It was just his father. That now looked at him with great concern, keeping some distance, giving Albus room to recover.
"D-Dad... I had a nightmare. Sorry, "explained Albus, agitated.
He started to cry, still scared and nervous, trying to wipe away the tears that continued to flow freely from his eyes.
His father gave him another hug, they stayed like that for a while.
"I shouldn't have left you alone, sweetie," he murmured, guilty.
"N-no, it's okay. I'm fine, it was just a nightmare. I-I don't know why I'm crying, "said Albus, awkwardly and not really being honest.
He knew he was crying because he was terrified of that man in the well's whole episode, he was just not trying to worry his father more.
His father hugged him tighter again.
"Do you want to talk about it, dear?"
"No. I don't remember anything ... really, "he said, too quickly.
"Albus ..."
"It was just a strange dream, nothing that mattered that much," he said, trying to make his voice sound more confident and firm.
But his father did not seem to believe him, despite having changed the subject, warning him that James, Lily, Grandma, and Grandpa Weasley would come to visit him today.
His father looked him in the face, his eyes serious and penetrating, but full of tenderness, using a very soft tone.
"You know you can tell me everything, don't you? Whatever is bothering you, you can tell me. " Albus shook his head slowly affirmatively.
"Are you feeling well enough to meet them? They are family, but if you are tired, we can slow down things a little bit. They'll may disappointed, but your health comes first—" tried to awkwardly say his father.
"It is not necessary. I am well. Great, actually, "he insisted.
"Dad..., when am I going to be able to go home?" His father thought a lot before answering him.
"Soon," he said vaguely, not specifying.
"Dad, can I go to Hogwarts?" He asked, the idea suddenly in his mind, his father gave him a sad look, opened and closed his mouth several times before finally speaking.
"Wouldn't it be better for me and your mother to teach you, at least, for a while. Until you get better, "he suggested. But that was not what Albus wanted.
"I'm fine."
"We will arrange this later," he said, avoiding the subject.
Sometime later, his brother James and sister Lily arrived to visit him. After a few more tests in the morning, the healers gave Albus a potion that made him sleepy all afternoon and he ended up falling asleep, his parents didn't leave the room and when he woke up, he could hear his parents talking a little bit about politics,
"It was horrible, Ginny. Someone has been attacking people in Cheshire, of course, people are now talking about werewolves..., saying they are responsible, but we have not localize any dangerous werewolf living near the region, and we couldn't find any specific clues indicating that it had been a werewolf, indeed, to one who attacked the person. We couldn't find any footsteps or hair near it. To make matters even worse, Dennis Salinger was there trying to get some information," said his father, angry.
"But, what do you think it is then?"
"It doesn't seem to have any specific criteria when it chooses the victims. A kid, and now an adult man. It looks like an attack by some kind of animal. The population is terrified, William Magis is infuriated..., the local authorities wanted to put a curfew in the area, but the Minister was against, he said we shouldn't alarm anyone," said Harry, that he disagreed with the Minister of Magic was evident.
"I don't understand Ginny! It looks like he wants to ignore the problems and pretend they don't exist, you know whom that reminds me of?"
"Fudge," answered his mother without thinking twice.
"He told me to focus only on the most evident ones, the DPM and the PNM," said Harry, tired.
"Albus, you are awake," said his mother, just only noticing it now. They soon interrupted what they were talking about and started trying to talk about milder matters with him.
"Yes, what are you two talking about, what is attacking people in Cheshire?" Insisted Albus, still curious.
"Nothing, Al. That's adult talk. Are you hungry?" Asked his father, trying to deviate from the subject. Albus only sighed, resigned. His mother gave him a sympathetic look.
"I was just like you when I was younger, always wanting to know things," informed her.
"Yes, I remember. You remember that one time when—"
They started to talk about their youths, Albus was not very interested, to tell the truth, but he occasionally engaged in the conversation. It was not uncommon for his parents to remember the old days, at special lunches or dinners usually his Uncle Ron would tell him elaborated stories of his years at Hogwarts ("When I was your age, I was fighting a huge mountain troll!", or "I rode a dragon once!") Albus still wondered how could anyone be able to ride a dragon..., weren't they dangerous and indomitable? Was that even true? His five-year-old self had found that fantastic, but now he realized... it couldn't be the truth.
Hogwarts...
Would he still be able to go?
"Mom, Dad, can I still go to Hogwarts?" Asked him, suddenly, interrupting their talk. His mother seemed rather uncomfortable, while his father looked at him worriedly.
An awkward silence.
They exchange a look.
"We'll talk about that, la—" started Harry.
"I don't think you should go," his mother said in a tense tone.
"But why?" Asked Albus.
"Sweetie... I—" She thought about what to say for a moment, "I don't think you are ready."
Albus could not put into words his extreme disappointment.
"Your father told me you woke up screaming..., and... you... you just went through a lot," justified his mother while an apologetic expression.
"We can teach you at home, you know?" Suggested her.
"But I'm okay..." said Albus, hating how weak he sound, with a trembling voice. Utterly sad.
Albus bet they would also be scared had they dreamed with that thing.
In comparative terms... he thought he was dealing with everything very well... he was hearing voices and having strange dreams...
He was fine enough to go to Hogwarts, his dream school.
"Erm... I think we should talk about this later," said his father, uncomfortable, he at least didn't seem completely contrary to the idea of him going to Hogwarts.
"Don't you trust me?" Albus whispered, mildly annoyed with his mother. He knew he might have been unjust..., but right now he just felt she was in the wrong. He was fine. Of course, he was.
Only a bad dream once was all it took for his mother to think he couldn't go to Hogwarts anymore?! It wasn't like he could actively control this and just stop having bad dream if he wished to!
What did they think happened with him? He went through a lot, she said... but what had he been through, exactly? He didn't remember anything after all...
"Of course, I do, Al. But, well... let me discuss this with your father, first, okay?" She said, ending the conversation.
"What happened with me? I was... kidnapped... right? But what happened, exactly?" It was rather strange to ask something like that. But he had no choice, he couldn't remember, so they would have to tell him.
His mother turned quite pale, his father seemed nervous. A knock on the door interrupted the tense situation.
James (still in his Hogwarts uniform) and Lily arrived accompanied by Molly and Arthur Weasley who had a half-happy, half-strained expression. in the face.
The newly arrived adults greeted him by speaking in a calm but somewhat slow manner, as his father had done.
He promptly replied, greeting them back, they seemed surprised for a brief moment, but then smiled, Molly Weasleys started to cry, excited and Arthur approached Harry and whispered something that Albus couldn't hear in a half-choked voice.
It didn't take long for him to receive one hug from Molly, then Lily hugged him and he returned awkwardly.
James stood in the doorway, looking at him with a very tense and nervous expression on his face, then, probably when he felt the adults' confused looks on him, he almost mechanically went over to Albus, his posture stiff, he exchanged a brief hug, which shocked Albus, as James had never been very affectionate, especially with Albus.
Soon after, the brother sat in a small plastic chair near the bed, silent, giving Albus furtive glances when he thought he was not was something that disturbed James, something that his brother seemed to want to tell him, something in his eyes screamed "guilt".
This emotion wasn't very present in the daily life of James Sirius Potter (who rarely apologized for anything and could do several pranks with his brother in a single day), but this time, he seemed to feel quite guilty because of something.
His expression was similar to that one time he had accidentally set off fireworks too close to Lily's room and destroyed her stuffed animals (his sister had cried for several days) or when he had set their grandma's whole knitting collection on fire.
Only this time he looked much more guilty..., it was the way he kept looking at the ground, avoiding Albus's gaze, and barely got involved in the conversation that Lily was having with Albus (about dragons, a subject James loved talking about).
What was happening?
He talked to Lily some more, everyone there seemed relieved and very happy that Albus was recovering ... although James hadn't said much and his expression had remained serious and tense all the time, if any adults noticed, they did not say anything.
"When can I go home?" Albus asked, his parents exchanged a sad look.
"Soon, the Aurors want to try a few more methods for you to try to... remember what happened," replied her father vaguely.
From her mother's expression she didn't think Albus should remember.
Albus was getting tired of staying in the hospital, he missed home and thought that if he came home and tried to do everything he did before maybe he could find a way to remember things, the healers had already given him some ideas earlier, from memory spells (which didn't work exactly as the name said, they just made the person more relaxed and rested so that their brain would work better) to hypnosis.
Albus had not yet spoken to any Aurors (other than his father, of course), but Harry had said that he would need to speak to them sooner or later.
James looked very confused and broke his silence.
"To remember?" Asked James quietly.
His father explained briefly that Albus did not remember what had happened, not even their trip to the Leaky Cauldron.
James looked at him for the first time for a short time, but then returned to his silence.
olly and Arthur apparently already knew this, as they did not seem surprised, their parents should have told them in a letter.
"You don't remember anything?" James insisted suddenly, his expression was, for some reason that Albus was unaware of, at the same time hopeful and full of fear. He seemed to feel guilty about something. Albus knew his brother.
Guilty.
Lots of guilty.
"No, I try, but I can't, I don't know why," murmured Albus.
After some time, in which Lily had asked incessantly about Albus's cat ("How can you forget your little, cute cat, Albus?).
They started talking about Hogwarts when Lily had said about her desire to take a puffskein, a cat, and an owl (all three at the same time) to Hogwarts.
Hogwarts ... Albus had lost his first year at school ... a sadness came over him abruptly. It looked surreal.
When Lily started talking more about Hogwarts, James shifted in his chair, uncomfortable. James was acting strange. After a while and after he had a little chat with Molly and Arthur, the visitors had to leave. Molly Weasley offered to take Lily back to the Burrow.
"I want to stay," growled Lily, already a little sleepy.
"Okay, mom, I'm going home with Lily today and Harry is going to be with—" His mom looked at him sideways.
"No, I can be alone for today. I'm fine, "murmured Albus.
His parents were hesitant at first, but Albus started to talk more animatedly to Lily and assured his mother when she asked him just before leaving if he would be fine alone that he would be perfectly fine.
The truth is ... Albus felt he needed to be alone for a while.
He felt the worried looks of his family staring at him at all times since he woke up and he felt somewhat suffocated by it.
He understood their concern, but it was as if he had to live up to an expectation that, at least at that moment, was unreachable, as if he had to act in a way to assure others he was okay at all times.
After all, he didn't like to worry others too much, especially his family, he felt nervous and even ashamed to be the center of attention (or concerns in this case) ...
If he had another nightmare today, no one would hear him scream. I wouldn't worry about anyone and tomorrow would be another normal day.
After all, everyone had nightmares at times ... it was normal. Nothing to worry about, his parents had just been scared and worried, as he would let a stupid nightmare terrify him.
At night, he had the same dream as before... and it did terrify him as much as before.
He didn't know the reason why he was having that dream, but he didn't like it.
"If I don't start being more courageous, I will never join Gryffindor ..., but well, I don't even know if I'm going to Hogwarts." He thought a bit annoyed with himself.