"Help! Something's wrong with Nearly Headless Nick! I was passing by, I greeted him, but, but ... when I saw, he—"
A terrified girl from Gryffindor's first year screamed for help and looked as if she were on the verge of tears, she kept her trembling finger risen in the air, her face demonstrated pure terror and shock.
Some curious students ran, trying to see what exactly had scared the girl this much before the Prefects could arrive. Almost immediately, there were more screaming, especially alarming Professor Edward Daniels who ran towards the direction with his wand raised, Albus had never ever seen anyone run so fast, his robes fluttered and his face showed determination and haughtiness, as a noble knight who heads for the decisive battle.
…
Even if, for a brief instant, Albus was sure he saw, stamped on the man's face, remnants of deep terror and disgust.
What did Professor Edward Daniels know? Albus thought he was hiding something very important.
The teacher's behavior was utterly different from Principal Laurent Balthus's who looked at the combative teacher with visible terror in his face, not initially moving, he just stood there: useless and uninspiring. After he noticed Professor Longbottom giving him a very judgmental look, he finally decided to go to the hall at a tremendously slow pace, with his wand raised, seeming to be very afraid, his hands trembled and he had was once again sweating excessively. Professor Longbottom gave him an angry look, and he hurried up.
"It's all right, children, everything is under control," Laurent Balthus said but failed to convince absolutely anyone.
Edmond tried to lift his head over the crowd to see what was going on. Albus was curious, but the abrupt screams startled him a little too much and now he was just trying to calm down a little.
His hands were shaking. In his thoughts he criticized Laurent Balthus..., but could Albus consider himself so much braver? Could he? He didn't felt all that brave, at this moment…
Another scream.
The nightmare, the conversations with Lukas, the fear the potion may not be working properly anymore, the fear of Sallinger telling his nocturnal problems to his father, the fear of being exposed on the news ("fragile and delicate")…
It all made him overly anxious. A combination of many factors, that originated this crisis. There were more things...
(Black jet to the sky! Coming from the man in the well's wand! You know the truth, you know it subconsciously, but you avoiding those facts, because of you are afraid you'll remember it all at once, you think you may not handle it all, so—)
But he wouldn't think about them now.
And this commotion, the screams, the crowd seemed increasingly dense and loud. He knew he should get away from the crowd before he got way too anxious. More than he was now. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic, he was feeling his heart accelerating.
He wanted to go there and see what exactly was going on, but he knew he would also hate even more having a panic attack in front of everyone in the great hall.
"Albus, are you okay? You look pale—" Yato started saying, but Albus only thought about one thing: he had to escape.
Escape. He had to get out of there.
He struggled to do so, the students were aglomerating, speaking loudly.
He would simply ask someone and find out what had happened, but later.
"Albus—" Lukas was saying something too, Edmond gave up trying to see from a distance and now he was going in person.
"Move. Let me see. I'm a Prefect." Albus heard from a distance, it was Fernand Patris.
Fortunately, a gap opened up in the crowd, he went through it fast.
He could see, for a brief moment, something from the end of the corridor. He thought it was a safe distance, away from too much noise and not so crowded. If he went up the stairs, he could see what was going on clearly, he—
"MOVE. MOVE. MOVE. THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE," professor E.D (Edward Daniels) shouted, his voice magically louder, making Albus's heart skip a beat. Too much noise. He covered his ears momentarily.
He was only able to see it for a moment. Neville tried to disperse the crowd, but new students were arriving and gathering.
What he saw was horrible.
Sir Nick Nearly-Headless Nick was immobile, he wasn't staring at anything, in particular, he had large, glassy eyes.
A strange black, viscous and dense substance moved like waves of darkness on the right side of the ghost's translucent body. The ghost seemed to be slowly being devoured. But how can something cause harm to a ghost that was already dead? His Aunt Hermione had told him about the basilisk... ...but that was no basilisk, obviously.
That was the same thing that had extinguish from existence the sorting hat, that thing that seemed like the embodiment of darkness.
The substance went to the left side of Nick's body since the right side was no longer there.
Half of the ghost was now missing.
The other half now being devoured. Sir Nick was standing there, floating, in some kind of trance.
He saw Edmond, Yato, and Lukas there, near the crowd, too close to the thing, he wanted to have warned them to keep a safe distance, but no sound would have come out…, Albus felt like he was frozen, frozen in place, unable to react properly, he held the stair's corridor trying not to fall, he was too dizzy.
The cold he felt was abysmal. It's was way too cold.
His arms hurt for some reason. He trembled and felt his mouth dry. The cold came in diffuse waves and blended with a sense of supreme terror.
(That's the darkness that inhabits the well, that's the darkness that lives with the man in the well, she came out of the well and now has to feed, but nothing in this world can satisfy its eternal hunger—)
(Stop with this nonsense, Albus Severus Potter. How can you know that? The things you say may not be trustable, at all! If you are so sure about it, you have the obligation to tell someone! But… good luck trying to explain it all and not be considered mad—)
When the substance ended up devouring the other side with great speed, it was three times its original size. Now, without an adequate supply of food, it was expanding and contracting in the air until—
It exploded violently with a loud noise. Albus almost screamed with pure terror.
The principal and teachers did not have time to get people away from it. Pieces of the "substance" hit the students who cried out in pain and surprise, the part that didn't hit anyone was now on the floor, walls, and even the ceiling.
The substance that did not reach people seemed to be magically absorbed, and some of it became some kind of mist that dissipated through the air until it disappeared completely.
Unfortunately, the things that hit the student was causing deep frostbite on the skin. Some cried in pain, others let out exclamations of fear and surprise. Edward Daniels tried to capture some of the things but to no avail.
"Okay. Calm down. Anyone who was hit by it shall go to the hospital wing, immediately," said the principal in a frantic tone, looking at the students' burns in disbelief.
Arabella Astros was crying near Salinger, the boy tried to comfort her and offered to take her to the hospital wing. The skin on her left hand looked badly burned, Arabella just ran away from him, holding her face in her hands, Salinger still tried to reach her. He thought he saw burn marks on her neck and on the left side of her cheek.
Albus was scared now, he was able to see what was causing all the panic, but now it was he who was panicking.
He stopped at the top of the stairs at the end of the corridor and stood there, still frozen. He was trying to calm himself. It was sad to see many students hurt and crying, he checked for his friends, fortunately, none of them seemed hurt.
But… even Fernand had been a victim, the gentle Prefect still led students to the hospital wing and comforted those who were crying, trying to soothe the younger ones. Louis was helping a young boy from Hufflepuff, who sobbed. Dom, the Prefect from Gryffindor was together with Victorie, helping disperse some overly curious students. Molly's left arm was hurt, she was being helped by a worried Lucy and an older boy Ravenclaw he didn't know well.
He was way too focused on trying to calm himself when he felt like he was being stared at again and a terrible and dense cold invaded his entire body, the cold—
Albus didn't know how to explain it rationally.
—The cold seemed to crawl inside him, disgusting and uncomfortable. He was utterly nauseous, he was disgusted.
Fortunately, it was a very quick sensation, as soon as it came it left, but for a moment he thought he was going to pass out.
James, who was standing with his Quidditch companions tried to help too, but, when James looked around, the brother seemed to notice him.
The worst time for him to do that.
James raised his eyebrow and started walking towards him.
That was it.
It was time to run and go back to his common room.
He didn't want to talk to James right now, not when he was on the verge of a panic attack.
He ran upstairs at full speed, the adrenaline suddenly rushing into his body, he ran frantically, panting, and heard James shout his name, worry was apparent in his voice.
His brother started to run too, trying to follow him, but Albus lost James on a moving stair.
He looked around, didn't quite knowing where he was. All he knew was that he could hear some people talking.
"Listen, we all need to understand very well our respective functions," it was Celes Roschtar-Steles! The girl that acted histrionically. He listened to her voice coming from a closed room, it had an arrogant tone.
"Senior Proud Celes Roschtar-Steles, I—"
"Proud still-in-training, Richard Otrant!" Said the girl, pronouncing the words carefully and dangerously "I hope you do know your position here! I didn't allow you to talk yet," he heard the girl speak with authority "Silencio!"
"I hope you'll respect my magnificent sister! I, Senior Proud, Janus Roschtar-Steles, demand obedience! You know your lesser position! Our efforts and our timeless discipline have been recompensated and we both have acquired those important titles, on our own merits, of course. The wealth, honor, and respect that the name Roschtar-Steles inspires in our beautiful and noble lands, is a source of pride for us. The enemies of the Roschtar-Steles will perish. We, Proud, obey only our beloved leader, the Great Proud, the Renewed Magician, the leader of the PNM!" Said the boy with sublime arrogance, his voice was soft, but his tone was also dangerous.
"I'd like to remind both of you, Proud in training Richard Otrant and Proud in training George O'Heilig, that we, still young, have won the title of Senior Proud, while your parents, after decades, have only attained the title of Junior Proud," the boy let out a cold, mean laugh, her brother accompanied her, mocking the boys' parents "We can, if we wish to, of course, begin the initiation of new wise minds in this movement and even be assigned to new regions in order to disseminated this noble ideology—"
"I… I'm so sorry, it was never my intention to—" started to say Geroge, fearful.
"Silencio!" Janus screamed, authoritarian.
"Here we are the law. Respect the Proud Ones, respect the Proud system, and one day you might be compensated by the Supreme Proud, by our Great Proud Leader. Until that moment, not-yet Proud," said he in a mocking tone, full of arrogance, "follow orders!"
Albus saw a strong light coming from under the door, then heard a faint sound, there was fear, mixed with pain.
"Your sister and your younger brother are in early training, aren't they, George O'Heillig!?" Celes asked, with tremendous arrogance "You two can speak now, to try and explain—"
"P-Please, don't punish them, they are still little kids—"
"The weak have no rational utility in the world. The battle is our way of life, but we do not value any dumb and overly violent kind of battle, but the intelligent, strategic, rational one! We are the forces of the law, acting to restore a rational world. The hierarchy, respect for the wise, will be valued here. Unfortunately... the laws of the wizarding world are not our laws. Our battle is strategic, we must act in the political space and on the streets. We conquer minds and hearts and once Proud, always Proud. All those who denigrate Proud's image will perish! Only the strong survive," said Janus, seeming only to repeat words from a book, but did so in a passionate and almost fanatical way.
"Ravenclaw is a commendable house for us to recruit new followers and that's exactly what I asked you both! To research new possible recruits! To make me a list, to study each Ravenclaw student and see their capabilities, their weakness… And what did you two do?!" He asked the angry boy.
"W-We just—" Richard stuttered, sobbing and crying audibly, Geroge moaned in pain.
"We respect the hierarchy. We respect families with a long history of blood purity, of course. If the Malfoys joined the Dark Lord before, it means NOTHING to the Proud! The darkness spread by Voldemort are gone! If he joined us, Richard and George, he'd probably occupy a higher hierarchy than both of you," said Celes provocatively, letting out a mean mocking laugh.
"B-But Vold… you-know-you were responsible for—"
"Tragedy happened to you, poor underachieving Proud Richard, we are sorry for that," they didn't seem to be "But you should be mature enough to keep the Proud New Magicians' interests over everything else," said Janus.
"A-And I-I work h-hard, I did the t-training, w-why would M-Malfoy be h-higher than m-me?!" Asked Richard, crying.
"We do value hard work and meritocracy, of course. But the family is important in order to occupy a higher position in the new organized and rational society we the Proud are creating, people with bad families like the two of you... must work five times more to reach others. In our case, we have a noble family name and commitment so of course, we achieve adequate positions. We are the ascending eagles, we are the order and the law, at least for both of you. And it's time for your punishments!" Albus saw more flashes of lights (spells being cast) and could hear crying and moaning of pain coming from behind the door.
He looked around, looking for a teacher. He was utterly shocked, so there were members of the Proud New Magicians at Hogwarts?! Senior members? And they were trying to… recruit students in Ravenclaw! Celes and Janus were in that room casting spells against George and Richard, hurting the two. Even if they were bullying Scorpius earlier... his cries were so sad and desperate. Before Albus could do anything the flashes stopped.
"What's your mission?!" Janus asked in an icy but cruelly laughing voice.
"W-We m-m-mus-s-t-t—" George's voice broke, the boy began to cry copiously, frightened.
"Come on, useless Proud, come on, talk! You're not so brave with your superiors, are you? Maybe the day we recruit that Malfoy-kid he'll want to have fun with you!" Janus laughed as if that was something very amusing to imagine.
"We m-must do the work of prospecting, write d-down skills—" Richard tried to say with a trembling voice.
"If you two don't answer your superiors, we have many more spells to help you!" said Celes, in a cruelly cheerful tone.
"You know that Proud New Magicians believe in magical science, in the development of research, in the creation of new spells, we have magical research facilities in many places, developing new techniques, new spells, and jinx. I've been wanting to test some for quite some time now, do you want to be my guinea pigs?" said Janus, laughing.
He remembered Horton Cirley's report, he—
"Well done, then. Now, we want you two to understand that we do this for your good," Albus doubts that "We just want your success," Albus couldn't trust his tone "We received hard and strict training too, but it was necessary. It is only in pain and suffering that we understand that if we do not overcome the obstacles placed in our ways, all we have left is decay. We must proudly advance. Our victory will be final and for that our strength must be unwavering, we are the fighting eagles, the proud noble eagles of Ravenclaw, we are the recruiters of Hogwarts, but the movement is active in many magical schools already! We may become a student movement in the future, yes, and shall conquer Hogwarts from the inside, conquer the young, that's our mission!" Said the boy, in love with the PNM's ideology.
He felt a tremor go through his body
He had to leave, for he could hear footsteps coming towards the door.
He ran away from there, without a second thought. He concluded that he should avoid the Roschtar-Steles brothers.
But…
Should he get involved with that? Should he still try to tell a teacher? Should he tell anyone? Did anyone else know? Albus's head hurt...
What would lead someone to join Proud New Magicians in the first place?
Albus personally found the Dark Path Movement much more interesting and with more progressive and respectable principles.
Why fight to restore hierarchy? Why fight for a movement that seemed so retrograde? Why would people his age want more hierarchy and fewer rights for certain groups of people (so-called non-humans... that is, werewolves, goblins, mermaids…)? A movement for the antique ideas related to the supposed superiority of pure blood?!
It seemed like a movement only for much older people. For ultra-conservative, retrograde, and prejudiced old people.
Why, according to the PNM, was their movement the holder of rationality and reason? Wasn't it too pretentious to divide the world between the wise and the unwise, marginalizing the so-called "non-humans" who would not be welcome in the hierarchical society they idealized?
After running away, scared, he finally arrived at his common room.
He felt dizzy, with a strange sensation in the back of his head, he staggered slightly before entering. He felt tired, was cold and his head hurt.
But he saw that there wasn't the only person in the common room now.
Scorpius.
He was the one there, he sat on the couch, near the warm fireplace, reading the bulky History of Magic book with a bored expression on his face.
"Umm... Hi... Are you okay?" He must have looked kind of sick because the blond boy raised an eyebrow and closed the book looking directly at him. Albus asked the first thing that came to his head, a little distracted, a wave of dizziness went through his body.
("Anxiety has several effects on your body, Albus these sensations that you feel from time to time may be caused by it, try to calm down, yes?" Had told his therapist when he had asked if he was sick, explaining to him the effects of stress and anxiety on the body and mind)
"Why aren't you having dinner?" Albus asked, wondering if he should tell the boy about the incident, but decided not to. Sooner or later, he would find out.
"You see, I'm just not very popular at this school. I thought it was better to avoid some people," he said mysteriously, but then complemented when Albus looked at him curiously and confused "When you're a Malfoy, it might be better to be alone," he said, with a certain sadness. Maybe it was because of the bullies, Albus thought.
(Don't worry Scorpius, the bullies are being tortured by Senior Prouds right now, also… they want to recruit you! thought Albus, another shiver running down his body)
"But did you eat? Are you hungry?" Asked Albus, remembering he still had some candies in his pockets… not a good dinner, but at least they were tasty. He offered some to Scorpius "I got them from Ranirus!" He said, happily.
Scorpius stopped immediately.
"From Ranirus?" He asked, raising his eyebrows, attentively looking at the candy.
"They are okay, you can eat them," reassured Albus, Scorpius seemed to trust him.
"Thanks…, but most importantly, are you okay?" He asked again, his expression once again neutral.
A long silence.
"Yes." Said Albus, with a non-convincing smile.
"Do you want to sit here?" Scorpius said, pointing to another comfortable blue chair near the fireplace.
"Thanks," he said, moving almost automatically.
(The black substance… Crazy, they'll call you crazy, you'll have nightmares, wake up your whole dormitory, everyone will hate you. You'll make everyone fail classes because you keep waking them up with your night crises. Everyone will do horribly overall, because you can't control yourself, even with the potion. It'll be humiliating when you wake up screaming, Sallinger will tell his father, and he'll tell everyone. Can you guess the headline? Your parents will pull you off the school… and then therapy, but not with your favorite therapist. Do you really think he'll want to see you now that you stole his book? You'll be sent to the Psycho Ward, because you are crazy, Albus. Are you sure you aren't responsible for this black substance? You dreamed about it… and you dreamed about the man in the well too. You know the man in the well is real… you dreamed about it… and he appeared. What if you have some creepy magical power that can make your dreams become reality… but only the bad dreams… what if you brought this thing here and now it hurt Patris? And Arabella? And if this keeps hurting people, will you take responsibility? )
Thoughts came in long waves without ends, with absurd reasoning. They were almost paranoid.
(In Diagonal Alley, the wand launched a black jet into the sky, and then... you found Scorpius, but then… come on, let's remember! Remember now!)
"Do you remember that we met at Diagon Alley?" Scorpius asked suddenly, carefully, wanting to keep the conversation, but seemingly regretted it, "I mean ... no, forget it. Sorry. I don't want to remind you of bad things. That day must have been awful for you," he said, focusing back on his book.
"I remember the good things," he replied without thinking much, trying to ignore the intrusive wave of disturbing thoughts.
"Was meeting me a good thing?" Asked Scorpius, with an almost unnoticeable smile.
"Yes, of course." He said firmly, desperately trying to suppress his thoughts. Scorpius blushed lightly.
"T-Thanks…"
"Probably you were the best that happened to me that day," he said, truthfully. He didn't remember the other parts well, just the one with the black jet and—
(Because you don't want to, why don't you try—)
He didn't remember them at all.
(Coward.)
"Erm… thanks," he said, awkwardly "I'm sorry for what happened to you, Potter," he said, cordially.
"Call me Al," insisted Albus.
"Okay, then call me Scorpius—"
At that very moment, Eli and a very angry Oscar entered the room.
"Wow. Albus, are you okay? You are deathly pale," said Eli, and Albus simply nodded, not wanting to worry the boy. Oscar held a crumpled letter.
"I'm going upstairs!" Said Oscar aggressively.
"Hey, Oscar—" Eli started to say.
"Don't tell me what to do! Leave me alone," he said, Albus thought he heard a tone of sadness in the boy's voice.
"Is he—" Started Scorpius after Oscar was gone.
"It's just his father," explained Eli, Scorpius seemed to understand, but he didn't.
"We went to the owlery after eating earlier and then went for a walk… What happened during dinner?! When we were passing through the hospital wing it was packed with lots of students! People were talking about some kind of black substance in the halls," Eli said.
He decided to tell them, Albus did fear it would trigger another anxiety attack…, but he just wanted to spend some time talking with them, maybe it would help him organize his thoughts. They sat on the chairs by the fireplace. Of course, Albus said nothing to them about the sensations he felt. Eli was speechless.
"Do you think it has something to do with the sorting hat's warnings?" Asked Albus.
"The hat was just trying to scare us. It could be some kind of joke. We shouldn't worry too much about it. Someone will certainly investigate this thing." Said Eli thoughtfully.
"Do you trust the Principal?" Asked Scorpius, laughing a bit.
"Well, no. But I do trust others—"
"Do you think maybe Mister Edward Daniels knows something else about it?" Albus was almost sure the teacher had privileged information.
"Don't know, man… all I know is that my father is scared of Ikabonfs…, he lived in Romania for some time, and they have some disturbing legends about them—"
"What kind of legends?!" Albus said too loudly, he just had to know.
"Well, he didn't tell me much, but… if you are so interested I can ask my father to send me the book he has about them," offered Eli, curious about his sudden interest.
"Please! It would be great," said he, happily. Finally, he would be able to get some information "What's the name of the book?"
"The Terrible Nostrad-Ikabonf Family…, but don't tell anyone about it, ok? Here in the UK, it's not illegal to have it, but this is a forbidden book in many countries…, my father only has it because he collects many books, so he bought it from an antiquary here in Ireland," explained him, whispering.
"Do you know any other rumors about the Ikabonfs?" Asked Albus, overly happy. Information, finally.
(You could have information if you tried to remember more about that day, but—)
"All I know is that my father said that they were similar to vampires…, but not like ghouls you see on basements, they were monsters, terrible, horrendous… doing dark magic, performing evil rituals, and I think they were somehow cursed…" Albus felt a chill go down his spine.
"Why are you interested in that?" Asked Eli, now raising an eyebrow.
"I-I j-just—" It was better to change the subject "Hey, why do Oscar doesn't like me?" He genuinely wanted to know that. Scorpius was the one who answered this time.
"Well, Oscar may have some problems when it comes to—"
"Albus, here you are! Your brother is crazily looking for you, he practically ordered me here to look for you. I think you better talk to him and assure your brother that you didn't die or something. Man, your brother can be scary", said Edmond, the boy's hair was messier than normal, he was panting as if he had been running a lot. Albus wished James hadn't made the boy look all over Hogwarts for him. Lukas and Yato soon came in.
"Yep, before he freaks out completely," completed Lukas.
"Your brother is crazy, please go talk to him," pointed out Yato, he looked tired. One of his fingers had frostbite…
"Yato, are you okay?" Albus asked, worried, getting up and approaching him, holding his hand, analyzing it.
"It'll need a lot more to take me down," he answered with a gentle smile.
"But you should go to the hospital wing," said Lukas, serious.
"I won't take someone's place for such a minor injury, hospital wing was hellishly crowded!"
"But we don't know what this… substance causes, Yato!" Insisted Albus, worried, his finger was was swollen and looked sore.
"I may get it checked tomorrow. Time to hit the bed," said the boy, going upstairs.
"I'll talk with James," said Albus, he sighed uncomfortably and decided it was best to look for James. He was tremendously tired, but he didn't want James to worry about him and keep annoying his friends because of that.
When he was going to the place, he slowly thought about his first day at Hogwarts. Trying to organize his thoughts a bit.
It had been a busy day, after all.
He had Herbology with Neville…, just discovered that he might be keeping the "flower of the dead" (Lilium Sirenüs) near his bed every night.
Oscar made a paralyzing freezing poison…
He managed to transform a cute and chubby porcupine into a horrendous kind of stalactites, the Transfiguration teacher seemed wore strange geometric symbols… he also may be having thoughts that weren't his, actually… he was still having nightmares too.
Professor Edward Daniels wanted them to duel.
In addition, Nearly-Headless Nick apparently died again. But now Albus didn't think he would be back.
A black substance that devoured ghosts and sorting hats was loose at Hogwarts. He still had tremors, he felt like he was being stared at twice today, and also felt an abnormal cold.
He might be able to learn new things about the Ikabonfs with Eli's help. Oscar still didn't like him and he still didn't know why… and Sallinger was looking for something with Barnaby's help.
The Proud New Magicians were trying to study and recruit people from Hogwarts…, they wanted Scorpius.
Furthermore, James was being his new overprotective self.
"Albus! Are you okay? I've been looking for you all this time! Why did you run?" Asked James approaching him. Albus had walked into the hall near the Gryffindor tower, where James had been talking to Dom. The girl gave him a small smile.
"I remembered I had to pick something at the dorm," he said but could notice that James didn't buy it.
"If you need anything just come talk to me… wake me up if needed, I don't care if we are in different houses," he said firmly "I'm a better brother now," he whispered to himself, but Albus heard it clearly.
"I can't wake you up, I don't want to bother you," he said, honestly.
"You can if you want to, you're no bother," he said, it was bizarre to see James acting so fondly... so strange!
"Are you encouraging your brother to break the Hogwarts's regulation, James Sirius Potter?" Asked Dom, with a smile.
"I mean—" He tried.
"And right in front of the Gryffindor's Prefect!" She joked, giving Albus a little smile.
"I—"
"I'll enter the common room, James, see you tomorrow," she said, probably thinking it was best to let them talk privately.
Silence.
"James… you know It's not your fault I was kidnapped, James, don't you James?" asked Albus, wanting to make sure. He had been thinking about his brother's behavior lately, he wanted to make sure he didn't blame himself for his disappearance. It would be ridiculous to think so…
"Then who is it?" He asked, quietly, looking at him seriously. Albus blinked a few times, surprised. He had initially ruled out this possibility... logically, Albus had thought, James would understand that he had nothing to do with Albus's kidnapping.
"James, of course, it's not your fault. It's the kidnapper's fault!" He said, rationally. Talking about the incident made him a little nervous..., but he had to discuss it with his brother, that was the right time.
"Al, you don't have to talk about that," he said firmly, looking directly at his hands that were now, unsurprisingly, shaking.
"But I want to," he said almost immediately, a bit too loudly.
"You're shaking—"
"Why do you think it's your fault?" He tried to keep calm, he tried to be patient.
"We better not—" The brother looked at his hands, worried and... the worst... he saw… pity. Pure pity. James felt sorry for him and it was utterly revolting!
"This is stupid, James! You are being so stupid!" He exploded, all the tension and nervousness he had accumulated during the day and had kept under a fragile control now came out. All the frustration for not being able to control his nightmares, all the fear he felt, the anxiety, it was all coming out now. James looked at him surprised and a little hurt.
"I—" he started, awkwardly.
(Suppress it. Suppress it, now, Albus Severus Potter. James or anyone has nothing to do with your problems. All is your fault. Just because you don't know how to deal with it all, do you think you should bother them with it? You are trying to solve one problem… but you'll end up creating more!)
"Sorry, James," he apologized, with what he thought was a neutral face and a neutral tone.
(Can't control your dreams… but at least in real life, you may be able to manage your temper and not worry those who care the most about you with your problems. It's you and the man in the well, alone in the well… trying to solve our problems. You're in this fight alone… alone with the man in the well. It's you and him.)
James looked at him, even more worried.
"Hum… no problem, Al. But if you need me—"
"I'm fine," he insisted, anger coming back once again.
"You can be honest with me, I know I'm not always the best brother, but—"
"I'm okay. You should mind your own business," he said, once again with a wave of irritation, he immediately regretted when he saw James' sad look.
"I'm sorry, James. Sorry," now he felt desolated, sad, his eyes watered, the sudden changes of mood almost made him dizzy. An uncomfortable and embarrassing silence…
"Do you think I changed?" He asked, looking at him seriously, expecting an honest and direct answer.
"What do you mean?" He asked, approaching.
"Please, just answer the question."
"Yes, a little, perhaps..., " he answered, awkwardly. He didn't seem to want to talk about it. He avoided his gaze.
"How?" He asked, wishing James had have said that he was still the same, that he hadn't changed at all, that it was all in his head… that there was still a path for return, a way he could take in order to retrieve his old self, some magical way to overcome it all and go back to the past…
But magic has its limits, there was no path open that would be capable of taking him back to his old self.
(What a tremendous melancholy, Albus Severus Potter! Just accept that there is no way to—)
(Once unclean, always unclean. The hands—)
He wished James had said that he would treat him as before, that he would continue to tease him, playing pranks and pranks with him, being immature but amusing. The brother opened and closed his mouth numerous times, seeming to make a tremendous effort to formulate the sentences.
"You just don't seem to be… sleeping well, Al..., but if you get to sleep properly, you might—," he started in a faking cheerful tone.
"James, please."
"What do you want me to say?" James asked nervously. Finally, Albus wanted that. He wanted James to get mad, furious even… something authentic, something better than pity.
(Stop lying to yourself, Albus. You don't want that. You just wish for a present where you don't have to think about—)
(But you should accept that you can't change the things that already happened. Therefore… you have to think about it now because the things in the past that originated this kind of present already happened! You want to live in the past. So childish!)
"The truth, James! I want you to tell me the truth!" He said with tears in his eyes. James was now red-faced with irritation.
"I'm trying to be nice, and you—"
"Then don't be nice! Don't be nice to me, James! Be truthful. I can handle it!"
Could he?
"I have to go to bed, Al. I have quidditch practice tomorrow. Bye," he said simply.
"Wait!" But James didn't, he just entered the Gryffindor common room.
Albus stood for a while in front of the fat woman's painting, he just knew he wouldn't sleep very well tonight.