A single tear slid down Zuko's cheek. The past few hours had been so horribly heartbreaking. He felt he would surely die. The banished prince had felt that he needed a break from everyone indoors, so he had gone out to gaze at the moon in the rain, which reflected his tortured soul. Another single tear slid down his wan, pale, face. He always felt he was surrounded by a vast ocean of sadness and despair while on Ember Island (which he of course was because it's an island, duh). Zuko's mind strayed, as it always did, to his love Katara. His heart felt as if it had been licked by a rat, then boiled in oil. She will never love me… he thought to himself. His soul seemed to sink even lower into his abyss of sadness.
Zuko's effervescent and unresting ears perked up. He had heard something. A laugh. A laugh he actually had only known for a few weeks. But he felt as if he had known it for a 420 billion lifetimes. The laugh of an angel. And that angel was his Katara. However, the laugh was shortly followed by a bellow of rage, that unmistakably belonged to Aang. If Aang let forth a herculean bellow, it must have been Jotaro who dared to utter words. Aang hates Jotaro so so so so much. Aang would surely scream if Jotaro said anything.
He paused.
Then… was it Jotaro that made Katara laugh? Zuko's world evaporated into knives, that were one by one thrown into his dying heart. He felt he would surely die. He fell to his knees in despair. As rain poured down his sharp-chinned face like tears, Zuko screamed up to the sky, "WHY, GOD, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?! WHY CAN'T ONE GUY UNDERSTAND?"
His mournful howls were interrupted by Sokka, who popped his head cheerily in a god-like manner outside the door.
"Hey Zuko, little one, just thought I'd let you know we've determined that I am the interdimensional messiah; pretty much God! I am God! That was me you were shouting for, and I am here, my child. Anyhoo, my godliness (awakened b a) is where my newfound knowledge of Robert is from. So, whenever you're screaming up at the sky to God (which you do a lot these days I notice; are you ok pal), you'll actually be screaming at me, Sokka! Pretty poggers, right?" Sokka grinned down at Zuko. The Messiah was now levitating a few feet in the air.
"That's pretty poggers, bro, but you know what's NOT POGGERS? I might as well TELL YOU, since you're GOD NOW. WHY DOES KATARA NOT LOVE ME?!" Zuko grabbed Sokka, and began to shake him back and forth, as if to make him understand.
"Oh, I dunno man. I mean it sucks that you're so upset." Sokka replied uncomfortably. "Maybe you should talk to her about it?"
"NO! YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND DO YOU!? SHE WILL NEVER NEVER LOVE ME!" Zuko bellowed at the top of his lungs. Such a loud remark was definitely heard by everyone in the house, because zuko had screamed over the sound of the pounding rain and thunder.
"That's not at all poggers, man." Sokka replied sadly. "Well, if that's where you are at right now, there's something you should know."
"WHAT?! WHAT MORE COULD THIS GOD-FORSAKEN UNIVERSE POSSIBLY TAKE FROM ME? I'VE LOST EVERYTHINGGGG!" He screamed as if he was stabbed by exactly three rats with butterfly knives.
"I uh, think Katara is into Jotaro, not you. She's been drawing hearts on his face with a sharpie all day. We were all sort of confused as to why he was letting her do that... I'm 90% sure she has injected him with a complicated-illegal-chemical, that would explain why he hasn't blinked for the past hour and his pupils are so horrifically dilated. It's a pretty gruesome sight honestly. I mean he's not dead, but any more of that stuff would probably kill him. Kakyoin keeps saying we should bring him to a hospital, but I'm literally God, I told him that I knew best. I'm sure Jotaro's pulse will start again soon!" Sokka paused for a moment, looking around.
"Uh, have you seen Toph? I actually came out here to look for her. No one's seen her for about an hour. Did she come by here?"
But Zuko couldn't hear a word about Toph. He couldn't hear anything, actually. Partially because his soul was bleeding, but also partially because all he could think of was how much he despised that rat-faced, despicable, ugly psychopathic grinning skunk Jotaro at that moment. That grinning skunk! I'd hang him if I could! With that Zuko ran inside, pushing past Sokka, jumping over a nearby fountain and ripping the door off its hinges as he entered the house. He felt he would surely die if he did not speak his mind at that exact moment.
"Katara!" He exclaimed when he waltzed in the door, startling everyone. Kakyoin was so surprised that he gave a shrill yelp, and threw his steaming mug of coffee across the room. The boiling liquid landed directly on Jotaros head, but Jotaro didn't seem to notice. Upon closer inspection, he seemed to be entirely unconscious, though he wore an expression of horror and fear on his face. Katara was absolutely fine with this. Zuko continued.
"I shan't stay quiet any longer. I must speak my mind. I can no longer listen in silence! I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul, Katara! I am half agony, half hope. Tell me that I am not too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. Katara, I'm in loveeee with u! MY SOUL ROTS, GETS EDUCATED AND BLEEDS EVERY DAY! I cannot keep living like this!" Zuko screamed in the general direction of Katara. Everyone leaned back as if to avoid the noise. Avdol said under his breath,
"That's pretty cringe, bro." Except he said it inside his head, so no one heard it except him.
Katara frowned, as if a leaf in the shape of a frown had fallen across her mouth.
"Cool story bro. But that's sort of unpog because I'm actually a married woman!" Katara stated irritably. Then she grinned and thrust out her hand with pride, a huge grin on her face.
"Didn't you hear? Jotaro and I got married!" She grinned even wider, and planted a wet, sloppy kiss on Jotaros cheek. This caused the sharpie to get wet and run in oozing black streams down his face. He twitched slightly, as if in an effort to get away. If possible, his face showed even more discomfort and alarm than before.
Zuko felt as if his heart fizzle out, like a brief candle. Only in this cruel world for a few minutes, then gone. A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more! Thought Zuko to himself. Fortunately for him, Kakyoin spoke up.
"We told you Katara, you aren't legally married to Jotaro. For one thing, he's unconscious, and we all know you knocked him out. I'm actually kind of impressed. But also, Joseph is not a wedding officiator; he's not even sane right now." Here Joseph muttered effervescently,
"To love another person is to see the face of God!" He was still just as convinced as ever that he was Jean Valjean. Kakyoin continued:
"Thirdly, you're both underage. That's child marriage on both sides! Also, you weren't even dating! Jotaro seems profoundly disturbed by this, and frankly so do you!"
Katara looked pointedly at Kakyoin.
"Kakyoin, you're not thinking of… breaking off our friendship because of something so minor, are you? What's with that stupid look on your face?"
Kakyoin signed. He was exasperated. He had been dealing with both Katara and Mr. Joestars freakish antics all damn day. Why doesn't Mr. Advol help me with this, huh? I'm not a babysitter, nor am I a parent! This is an insult to my intelligence! NO ONE CAN DEFLECT THE EMERALD SPLASH!
"Kakyoin is right, you aren't married. Not to mention," Avdol cut in. "We all need to focus on the task at hand. First order of business, we need someone to fix the door that Zuko just ripped off its hinges. The rain is getting in, and so are the leech-rats. VERY UNPOG. And Zuko needs to change into some dry clothes. Then we all need to figure out what to do about Robert. That's what's most important right now; he's a literal interdimensional Satan who kills gods."
Everyone cast their abashed eyes to the floor. They felt the weight of shame crash down upon their weak spines. All except for Avdol, who had an abnormally strong spine. They all knew he was right.
"The little one is right." Sokka spoke in a godly, all knowing voice.
"Right," Kakyoin said. "By the way, does anyone know where Toph went? I haven't seen her in a few hours."
He looked around, only to see blank, unconcerned faces staring back at him. His soul twinged with pain.
"But I have an idea about what to do with Robert." Kakyoin said. "Mr. Joestar, do you have a camera?"