Chapter 12: The Soul Receives New Information
The sun rose, like a horrible egg rising into the blue sky over Ember Island. The atmosphere was like a frying pan, at which the egg-sun would meet its doom, for it was to be consumed by a cursed member of the human race. A sick bastard who cared about no one but himself: the Avatar. Aang crawled out of the hole he had slept in, and glared at the sun. He looked horrible, having literally dug a hole and slept in it.
Last night had started out peacefully enough for Aang; he had slithered into his hot bed like a grateful lizard, but then around 2 AM, Zuko had ruined it. God, fricking Zuko. Always kicking me out of my bed, saying he's cold and that my bed is warmer! And whenever I say I don't want him there, he licks my toes until I'm so uncomfortable I have to leave! And then he's stinking up my bed, he pees on always on my bed! Even when he's not sleeping in it…. Oh well. I guess I'd better accept it, now that I'm on a journey of repentance. Sokka would want me to be better… Better than him, even. Better than Zuko at least. But that's not difficult.
Hopping along on his stump-legs, he got into his bell-bottoms, then the booty shorts. His stumps had stopped bleeding, but they now were growing cacti. Dang, maybe I should get that checked out. Nah, only WEAKLINGS go to the doctor! I would NEVER shame myself like that! I have to be an upright and virtuous lad! Now off I go! I hope someone's made breakfast.
Aang airbent air into his long pants, and ascended to the grand height of 9 feet. For good measure, he added an extra foot.
"HAHAHAAAA! COWER BEFORE ME, PATHETIC SHORTIES!" he screamed into the morning light. Aang then strode off, going 2 meters per step, towards the beach house. He went down the gravel path, falling flat on his face twice, and stirring up way too much dust. Now I can really be the center of attention!
Going up the front steps to the door (which was still hanging off its hinges), Aang twisted his short body around the doorframe, not wanting to enter the house like a normal person. He had to be quirky. Changing his air-feet around so they were backwards, Aang stomped so hard he broke through the floor.
"EEEeeAAAaaYyYyYGghgHHHHhH!" he made a horrible noise of rage at the floor.
Zuko, Kakyoin, Jotaro and Joseph were all sitting around the round table. There was a burning smell emanating from the stove top. Hundreds of pots and pans were stacked all around the house. The pots and pans were filled with miscellaneous substances, which smelled like a goat pen that hadn't been cleaned for two weeks. A massive stack of burnt lumps (which Aang thought might be supposed to be pancakes) were strewn around the floor. Kakyoin and Jotaro were eating their pancakes (?) at the kitchen table, and were hissing at each other like little angry cats, while Katara was lying under the couch. She seemed very tranquil. Zuko was screaming at the stove, trying to flip a pancake that was clearly burnt onto the stove top. It looked as if he had poured pancake batter not into a pan, but directly onto the stovetop.
"Katara, please! I made these just for you! Please don't skip a nutritious breakfast! It's the most important meal of the day!" Zuko begged, "You have no idea how burned my hands are after scooping the pancakes directly off of an open flame!"
Katara sighed dramatically.
"Zuko, if you cared about me even a little bit, you would know that I'm vegan!" She rolled over onto the floor.
"Sokka's gone… What am I gonna do? He was like a father to me! I loved him like a son!" Katara trailed off, then used Star Platinum to punch a hole in the ceiling. Zuko winced.
"Um, Katara, I know you're a wonderful person, but can you please not destroy my childhood home? This is one of the few things I have left of those bright memories, which are like a lifeboat on this dark, dark ocean of despair I am in. Ah, that which I would give to return to these bright, wonderful days. But now, my soul is like an angry donkey: it's sad." Zuko ended with a despairing flourish. Kakyoin slammed his hand down on the table with rage.
"ZUKO. IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE SIMILES, DON'T JUST END IT ON 'IT'S SAD'! THAT'S A POOR USE OF THE LITERARY DEVICE!"
"OH REALLY, KAKYOIN? I DIDN'T SEE YOU COMPLAINING WHEN I MADE YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE BREAKFAST! I DON'T SEE JOSEPH, OR JOTARO, OR AANG (hi there Aang, I just saw you get in, I still haven't forgiven you) COMPLAINING! YOU SHOULD ALL JUST BE GRATEFUL THAT I AM BRAVING MY WAY THROUGH THE INKY WHIRLPOOL THAT IS THIS CRUEL DISK UPON WHICH WE RESIDE! FATE HAS BEEN SO CRUEL TO ME, YOU HAVE NO IDEA! EVERY DAY, THE SHADOW OF ZINKO CREEPS CLOSER…. NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND MY DEEP DESPAIR…" Zuko then curled himself into a ball, wailing theatrically. Kakyoin sighed.
"Anyways, Jotaro, as I was saying, I just don't think it's practical to hunt down the lion who ate your father! All lions look pretty much the same, and it's been, what, ten years? The lion might not even still be alive! They have terribly short life spans, I would know!" Kakyoin continued to slam his hand down onto the table, emphasizing every single syllable. His hand was now horribly bruised, and the table was breaking. But Jotaro didn't care. He looked off into the distance with noble poise.
"I'd never forget the face of that lion, Kakyoin; not any more than I can forget the face of my Dear Papa, or my mother. I dreamt of that lion every night since I was six years old… I'll never forget it…" His voice got quieter and quieter, until he was whispering. Then he slipped into the murky depths of his twisted psyche: the land of memory.
The sky was bluer than blue paint. It seemed as if a devil disguised as an angel watched over that blessed zoo that day. The clouds were fluffy like a slab of concrete. 8 year old Jotaro walked hand in hand with his dear Papa. Jotaro wore a pair of capri pants made by his father. Papa never supported fast fashion (which is obviously controlled by the Man). He was also clad in a cute capri shirt (also crafted by his fathers handzo). Jotaro skipped through the bright summer day, eating vanilla ice cream (made by his father, obviously. Mega ice cream companies are the personification of capitalist scum). Jotaro looked, wide eyed, at the zoo animals, especially the dolphins. Most of all, he looked at his Papa, whom he loved and admired greatly. His Papa pointed to the Llamas.
"See all these lovely animals, son?" Jotaro's father questioned, holding his young, innocent son's hand.
"Yes, Papa?" Jotaro asked, intent to collect his fathers wisdom. He wanted to be just like his Papa when he grew up!
"Well, they are all robots! Every last one of them!' Jotaro's father exclaimed righteously. "Not just the men, but the women and the children too!"
Jotaro was shocked.
"The people, Papa?" He spoke up in his innocent, childish voice.
"No! No son! You've got it all wrong! This is the work of the Man! They've almost got you, Jotaro!" Jotaro's father shook his fist at the sky and fell to his knees.
"You! Curse you! You've got some nerve trying to brainwash my very own son! He is a child! Have you no shame? I'll bring you down if it's the last thing I do!" He stood up again, to his full height of 3 feet (5 if you counted the hat and heels). Patting his son's head, he intoned gravely,
"Listen, my boy. I am not long for this world… I must tell you all that I know, I-" but Jotaro cut him off, his young voice full of confusion.
"But Papa, whatever do you mean? You won't ever leave me, right Papa? You'll never, say, leave on a jazz tour, and never come back despite my being in Egypt and my mother being on her deathbed? You won't leave, right Papa?" Jotaro's small hand squeezed his Papa's hand. The lad knew he would trust his dear father with his life. He knew how wise and good his Papa was! But his father only sighed.
"Never you mind that, lad. And you needn't worry about your mother, she is far more powerful an entity than you or I, more importantly the Man will ever know. Now listen closely, I don't have much time." Here he tapped his Rolex watch; which showed his awareness of his own mortality.
"The Man is very wicked, and he will hurt you if he can. You must never trust large corporations, salad bars, Communists, people who work at convenience stores, Conservatives, dogs, Libertarians, Librarians, first-chair violin players, construction workers, teenagers, or grandparents!" Jotaro's dear Papa looked around, to make sure they weren't being overheard. "The man has ears everywhere, son! You must take great care never to be recorded, or photographed, anywhere... for any reason... by anyone... no matter what..." Jotaro's face clouded with confusion.
"But Papa, you told me that I could always trust family, but no one else! Mama, or you, or Grandpa and Grandma can take a picture of me, right? Grandma Suzie did last Christmas, when I got that sweater from them!" Jotaro smiled wholesomely, thinking of his beloved grandparents. But Jotaro's father's eyes darkened with sadness. He put a hand on his son's shoulder with regret.
"Son, I think you're old enough to know… Old enough to feel the true pain that the Man inflicts. You have to know… YOUR GRANDFATHER JOSEPH IS A FILTHY CAPITALIST PIG! HE EXPLOITS THE AMERICANS FOR LABOUR, AT HIS FILTHY REALTY BUSINESS! Listen, Jotaro. Joseph Joestar uses his awful, vile company to indoctrinate the American youth into the horrible reality that is pop culture! The Man uses young people as their tools! Not only the men, but the women and the children too! I know it's difficult to accept, but you must never EVER trust your grandpappy!" He looked around again, at the cages of the animals. The Penguins, the Lion, the Doplephines, and the Dolphins.
Jotaro was shocked to the core by his father's hatred of his own father in law (Papa's father in law, not Jotaro's father in law. Jotaro didn't have a father in law at the time. He hasn't had a father in law ever since his and Katara's divorce, and that was the only aspect of their marriage that he missed. There was a certain comfort, in having a father in law). Jotaro was so incredibly sad that he could no longer trust his Grandpappy.
"Yes, Papa. I would never want to disappoint you, like, Yotaro, Kotaro, and Motaro did. I'll never forget my dear brothers whom you disowned…."
"Yes, son. I'm sorry I had to kick out your brothers, but Yotaro was a commie bastard, Motaro was a capitalist pig, and Kotaro was a spineless liberal. Political leanings are the work of the Man! Don't lean on the Man, son, you've got to Stand Proud!"
"Yes, Papa. Say, what's that behind you?"
It was at that exact moment tha Jotaro's childhood was shattered, like his fathers Rolex and Ribcage. The Lion jumped down from the sky and grabbed Jotaro's Papa!
"Papa! Whatever shall we do!" Jotaro screamed as his father was slowly swallowed by the Lion. Jotaro's father cried out in rage at the Man. He knew it was the Mans doing!
"Dam youoooaaaagghhhhhh! How dare you take me from my only, darling son so soon! I had so much to teach my boy! You! You knew I was hot on your trail to unraveling your accursed secret! I know that the animals are robots! AAAAAggghhdhdhdfgfgh!" He screamed up at the sky with fury and sadness.
"No. Papa! Grab my hand!" Jotaro cried and lunged forward, grabbing his father's dainty hand.
"Take my watch, son. I beg of you; let this watch remind you of me, of the good family values I've instilled in you!" He wailed as blood oozed out of the Lions mouth. The Lion was now choking on the high heels.
"Noooooo! Papppaaaaaaa!" Jotaros tearful walling could be heard in Pakistan and Russia. Even his maker looked down in pity at the poor boy. With a final, difficult swallow, Jotaro's father disappeared down the Lions gullet. Jotaro stood, in the bright and sunny day, which didn't seem so bright and sunny anymore. In that moment, he felt that he was an adult man, clutching the his fathers Rolex watch and shaking uncontrollably.
"I'll be takin' that from ya, bud. Evudunce, for th'... evidunce for th'... uhh… trial. Fur yer fathurs… uh, deuth. Ya and yer muther wanna git… uh… justuce, doncha?" A terrifying, blue zookeeper came up behind Jotaro and grabbed the watch from his small hand.
Jotaro cried out in alarm, but as he turned, the zoo keeper was gone! The watch was too! Jotaro fell to his knees, and cried. For his father. His childhood innocence was GONE FOREVER. Or so he thought. He vowed, in that moment, to track down the Lion and the zookeeper, and make sure they got what they deserved.