Chapter 15: The Soul Meets JET MURPHY
JET MURPHY swaggered up the front path. His car was left alone by the curb, next to the ran-over fire hydrant. Whistling the Russian National Anthem, Jet peered in the doorway. A scene of carnage and chaos awaited him; most of the room was destroyed. The occupants didn't seem to mind though: they were all staring at JET MURPHY with fear or enthusiasm. A sudden screech shocked everyone out of their fear.
"JEEETTTT! BABE!" Katara flew down from the stairs, as if shot by a cannon. She almost knocked JET MURPHY on to the ground, as she squeezed him half to death in a menacing hug.
"Katara! Woah, babe! Don't mess up the drip. I know I'm irresistibly attractive, but it took me 45 minutes to choose out this outfit! I needed to look great for my girl!" JET MURPHY laughed good naturedly, as the rest of the group gazed with horror and confusion. JET MURPHY was clad in an Adidas hoodie, and one of those pairs of tan pants with elasticised ankles that boys wear. He also wore a Gucci belt that was almost definitely fake. The top of his hair was permed, and the sides of his head were shaved. He had a sharpie tattoo on his butt of his homie Daniel's face, and his ex Danielle's face as well. None of our wonderful protagonists could see either of these tattoos, but they instinctively knew they were there.
"But JET MURPHY?! Why on Earth did it take you 45 minutes to pick out a hoodie and a pair of pants?" Katara asked, wide eyed. She privately thought Jet's pants were hideously bland, which of course they were, but she wouldn't say that.
"You just don't get how I live, babe! I was vaping, and listening to Juice World, so it took me a really long time to form a coherent thought! Well, longer than it normally takes." JET MURPHY grinned and looked at the others standing around the room. "Hey Shawty, aren't you going to introduce me to all your friends?" Jet started doing lunges, to exercise and assert dominance. It was the only way he knew how to break the ice. It wasn't working at all. Katara broke the silence.
"Well Babe, I wouldn't really describe them as my friends, they're more a cute combination of my exes, my secret admirers, and just people whom I happen to live with!" She tucked her hair behind her ear. Kakyoin slithered over to her, and aggressively un-tucked it. Kakyoin wasn't the only one offended by Katara's statement; Zuko was crying under the couch, Jotaro looked dead inside with a hint of anger, and Kakyoin was messing up Katara's hair as quickly as he could. Not in an affectionate way though; in a really pissed and menacing way.
"Oh my God, Kakyoin, STOP IT. I know you're just jealous of JET MURPHY because he's my bae, but you just have to get over it!" Kakyoin stopped messing up Katara's hair, and looked disdainfully at Jet.
"Katara, this guy looks like literal trash... He's the most basic white boy I've ever seen! In every single way, he is repulsive! I'm shocked that he doesn't repulse you, honestly. You usually go for the weird but weirdly high-standard ones (yes I mean you, Jotaro). And YOU." He looked directly at Jet. Kakyon tried to make Hierophant Green attack Jet, to make him leave, but Kakyoin's stand only spat at Kakyoin and walked towards the kitchen. There, it lit a small fire in the sink, to keep warm. The world was ever so cold to the greenish stand. Kakyoin sighed. This is becoming an actual problem; the way my stand won't do what I say. He turned back to Jet Murphy.
"Listen, PAL. I don't like you. I want you to leave. Don't make me put on my heelies, buckaroo." Glaring at JET MURPHY, Kakyoin threateningly gestured to the shoe rack where a pair of cherry-red heelies lurked, emanating power and violence. JET MURPHY took a step back, almost tripping over Zuko (who was still crying on the ground).
"Whoa there, bro, I thought we were cool! Come on man; the Bro Code! Thou shalt not attack thine ex's boyfriend! I assume you're also Katara's ex, right? Man, you're making me think we're going to throw hands. Just be cool, bro. If you're really cool, I might even let you listen to my raps on Soundcloud." JET MURPHY grinned a terrifying grin. Zuko had crawled out of the couch, shaking like a jellyfish.
"K-Katara! My love, make him leave! I, ZINKO, cannot tolerate him!" Zuko shivered with agony.
"Oh my god! Everyone, just shut up! I know JET MURPHY is really intense to be around, and he will invoke a lot of emotions in you! But we all have to tolerate him! After all, he is my soulmate! Anyways, JET MURPHY, this is Zuko! I think he's still in love with me, but I can't blame him!" Katara gestured at Zuko, who was sprawled on the floor. Jet lay down beside Zuko, so he could gaze directly into his cold, dead eyes.
"Hey, kid, what are you still on the floor for? I know life is pretty tough for you. Katara tells me she rejected you over and over again! And I know it would be IMPOSSIBLE to get over my Shawty, she's pretty unforgettable! But you'll get over it, bro! I'll help you out! I'll write a rap about your heartbreak! Quickly, what is your favourite type of sandwich?" Zuko scrambled to his feet, as a feeling of panic seized him.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Zuko let out a strangled yell, and ran into the kitchen. JET MURPHY sighed. Katara crossed her arms and sighed dramatically.
"God, Zuko's sooo annoying! Anyways, you already met Kakyoin, and you met Zuko, so this is Jotaro! You can meet Aang later or something. I don't know where he went off to… He was just here. Oh, and Joseph. He's also off somewhere. Anyways though!" Katara pointed to Jotaro, who had been sitting in a chair, looking at JET MURPHY with absolute hate. "He's my ex-husband, and he's DEFINITELY still into me! Like, in love with me! So who knows? You might wanna like, fight him at some point!"
JET MURPHY looked at Jotaro, then swaggered over to him and held out his hand to shake. Good grief, thought Jotaro as he adjusted his hat. Sadly for him, he couldn't adjust it so much that he couldn't see JET MURPHY's obnoxious face.
"Hey, bro! I just wanted to let you know that Katara told me all about your failed relationship, and how you couldn't keep her! Guess you weren't man enough! But seriously, bro, you seem pretty cool. I normally wouldn't ask this, but do you rap? You seem cool enough to rap, almost as cool as I am."
He sat on the arm of the chair, and laid a tender hand on Jotaro's face. Jotaro moved his head away. Jet moved his hand over to his face again. Jotaro moved again! By now, Jotaro was almost completely flattened over the side of the chair; he looked as if his spine was broken! But Jet was eager to emotionally connect with Jotaro, so he was way, way too close to him. Practically all of Jet's weight was being held by his one hand, which was on Jotaro's face. Jotaro's hat fell off.
Scrambling off the chair to get away from Jet, Jotaro picked up his hat with fear and put it back on. Now that his only physical support was gone, Jet fell sideways onto the chair with a bone-crunching noise. His head was now stuck between the pillow and the arm of the chair! Turning away from Jet, Jotaro adjusted his hat. Good grief. O self, now I'm never going to be able to sit on my favorite chair ever again, because Jet (who is clearly a toool of the Man) has defiled it. I don't think it can ever be purified, except maybe by avenging the death of my Dear Papa….
"Listen, JET MURPHY, just get away from me. Don't speak to me, don't come near me, don't interact with me at all. Katara, I'm gonna be honest, I really hate your new boyfriend."
"Oh, what's that Jotaro? You want me back? Well it's too late! Me and JET MURPHY are endgame! We are more in love than ever!" Katara grinned.
"Yeah homie! Katara's MY Shawty now! SO HANDS OFF! Guys, now I need some creative, alone time. I need to listen to Juice World, and wrote a rap about my babygirl, Katara!" JET MURPHY picked up the 7 bage of luggage he had brought (all of these were filled with clothes and vapes.) Grabbing his luggage with his freakishly long hands, Jet jumped up each individual stair, which was horribly loud.
It was this noise, undoubtably, that brought the Veronica Lodge. A fierce wind suddenly came from the North, blowing up against the beach house. The rafters creaked; an eerie moaning. They later realized that this wasn't actually the rafters, it was just JET MURPHY crying, looking at a picture of his homie Daniel, and his ex Danielle (not the same person). Still, I continue. The wind blew in through the open door; hot, as if from an enormous furnace. The light coming through the window looked wrong; it was tinged with orange: the color of Lodge Rum (which Hierophant Green drank copious amounts of; partly why Veronica knew their exact location). A great voice cried out,
"You're done, Daddykins."