Chapter 34: The Soul not only fights but eats as well.
The Gaang stood, proud and tall. They knew the time had come. In any short amount of time, they would face the Devil. Robert. They had a smaller chance of survival, much less victory, than they would admit. But they felt power in their bones. The Council of Lions had granted them great power. They all felt this power, this purpose, this courage. All but Zuko.
They all got powers except for me. They aren't my friends. They were never my friends. They all would have turned their backs on me eventually… even Katara. Hypocrites. Liars. Cheaters… every last one of them! Zuko thought, feeling angry. He felt a pit in his stomach.
"THE HOUR GROWS LATE. EVEN NOW, THE FORCES OF ROBERT THROW THEMSELVES AGAINST OUR GATES, THIRSTY FOR THE BLOOD OF THE HEROES WHO WOULD SLAY THEM. WE CAN OFFER YOU LITTLE REST AND EVEN LESS HELP, OTHER THAN THE GIFTS WE HAVE ALREADY GRANTED," Simba said quietly.
"Wait, you're kicking us out? Good freakin' grief." Jotaro said, and he adjusted his hat. Mufasa snorted and bared his teeth. Zuko shrieked, then felt shame.
Katara stepped forward, her god-eyes glowing.
"O most wondrous council, prithee f'rgive mine own cousin f'r his disrespect. We art et'rnally grateful f'r thy gifts, and we shalt not rest until we did rid this w'rld and the next of robeth'rt of sponge. But in a m're practical senseth, mine own cater-cousins needeth rest. Not I, the pow'r of Thor sustains me. But we humbly asketh thee f'r some warmeth beds and food where we may catch but a wink." Katara said with the grace of a dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.
"VERY WELL. THAT SHALL BE OUR FINAL GIFT TO YOU LOT. IT IS THE LEAST WE CAN DO BEFORE WE FADE, AND CROSS THE GREAT SEA TO FOREVER DWELL IN THE CAVES OF TIME, FEASTING UPON THE SONGS OF THE LIVING AND THE DEAD," Aslan said kindly. Kakyoin looked confused.
"Fade?" He questioned. Katara looked at him and seemed to pierce his liver.
"I shall tell thee later," she said in a hushed voice. But unfortunately, the Council heard. Aslan's eyes glittered.
"I SHALL NOT LIE. IN MY BILLIONS OF YEARS WATCHING AND TOYING WITH HUMANITY, I HAVE COME TO LOVE THE HUMANS WHO WALK UPON THE LAND AND TASTE THE WATER. THEY ARE FULL OF DECEIT AND THEY NEVER LEARN. BUT THEY ALSO CARRY MUCH LOVE AND COURAGE IN THEIR HEARTS. IF ROBERT COMPLETES HIS DEADLY VOW OF ANNIHILATING ALL LIFE, AND IS LEFT AS KING, I FEAR I SHALL WEEP TEARS OF GOLD. NOW GO REST YOUR LITTLE HEADS… MAY YOU DREAM GOOD DREAMS IN OUR CHAMBERS. BUT EAT FIRST," Aslan said with a kind twinkle in his eye. He waved his paw, and the walls seemed to melt away, as if they were thick, sweet syrup from the maple. The Gaang suddenly stood in a huge dining hall. A feast fit for kings was laid out, on a huge oaken table that could have seated 200 people. And seated at the very head of the table, his plate stacked high with food, was L.
"Didn't I just tell you to piss off?!" Kakyoin shouted as soon as he saw L. "Just when you think you're rid of this guy, he comes back!"
"Well, Kakyoin, I don't have a choice. The world is basically uninhabitable right now because of Robert of Sponge… and the Council wouldn't let me leave anyways… I'm far too… useful…" L said, staRing at Kakyoin in that unsettling way of his.
"What person would willingly deal with you?! Much less force you to stay with them?!" Kakyoin screamed and sat down as far away from L as possible. He began to scoop food onto his plate, pretending to ignore L. L looked back at his plate and resumed neatly placing morsel after morsel of food into his small mouth. He chewed carefully. He also began to stack dirty plates around him neatly. It was actually quite fascinating. The entire Gaang watched, except for Kakyoin.
And, notably, Zuko didn't watch L either. Zuko's eyes never left Kakyoin. He followed his every move. Every step. Zuko was aware of the Ring that he desperately needed, laying carefully in Kakyoin's left pocket.
"Ugh, I can't eat with you stuffing your face like a pig so close to me! You're disgusting!" Kakyoin finally yelled when he couldn't take the chewing noises anymore.
"Perhaps you should purchase some earplugs. Or you could ask the Council to conjure some for you," L said, without looking at Kakyoin. That was the last straw.
"You cretin! If I give you a good thrashing, will you leave me alone and never come near me ever again!?" Kakyoin yelled, getting up from his chair. Katara and Jotaro simply watched.
I gage, i bett'r not has't to breaketh up a square. How can those gents beest fighting at a timeth liketh this?! Katara thought.
Kakyoin walked up to L in a fighting stance. His fists were ready to pound some eye-bagged face.
"Walk away, Kakyoin," L said calmly, still not looking at Kakyoin.
"OH, now you're definitely messing with me! I wish my alchoholic stand hadn't wandered off a long time ago so I could emerald splash your dumb face," Kakyoin said through gritted teeth.
"Kakyoin, sitteth down. This is not the timeth 'r the lodging," Katara said gravely.
"Katara ,this is between me and L. Go polish your hammer or something," Kakyoin said, taking a butcher knife out of his wide mouth. "This whole adventure has made me realize that life is better when this idiot isn't on my tail all the time, accusing me off starting the Vietnam War. So I'm going to end it here."
L sighed, a look of joy on his face.
"Hmm… I just had a thought… is this about that time in 1971 when I tied you up and wouldn't let you leave for an entire summer?" L asked, his finger in his mouth.
"OF COURSE IT IS! THAT WAS A HUGE VIOLATION OF MY RIGHTS AND IT ACTUALLY AFFECTED MY HAPPINESS AND SENSE OF SELF WORTH FOR MANY YEARS!" Kakyoin shouted, and he threw a plate of croissants onto the floor. The ceramic plate smashed onto the floor, and croissants scattered over the tile. Zuko looked at the broken plate and felt akin to it.
"I was just doing my job. And don't say accusations. They are truths. I know the truth… for I am justice," L said, taking another bite of cake. "I shall bRing you to justice… I just need time. Now please let me eat my strawberry cake in peace."
Kakyoin then stepped forward, and punched L's sharp jaw. L flew backwards and looked a tad surprised. He rubbed his mouth, surprised when his hand came away bloody. Before another second could pass, L flew at Kakyoin and his foot connected with Kakyoin's face! A sharp snap was heard as Kakyoin's neck broke, shards of bone flying out. But he simply readjusted his head, and ran at L.
Then, all hell broke loose. They were fighting on the ground and strangling each other and ripping off each other's skin and pulling out teeth and scratching each other, and it was horrible to watch. They fought like two desperate animals, fighting over a pathetic morsel of food.
"I wonder, L," Kakyoin screamed, stabbing L with the butcher knife, "Will you be able to solve your own murder? No, you won't because you'll be dead!"
"That's what you think!" L shouted back, hooking up a car battery to Kakyoin's head, ready to electrocute him. "I'll solve murders long after this, right after I bRing you to justice! Justice being actual death, because I'm going to kill you!"
"Stand ho this immediately! we art on the brink of the endeth of the world and this is what thee doth?!" Katara shouted as she stepped closer to the fight. Her concern was not heeded. So, Katara promptly kicked L away from Kakyoin so hard that he went flying and smashed into a wall. She then grabbed Kakyoin's shoulders and began to shake him and scream in his face. They were insulting and vile screams. It was shocking to watch.
Everyone heard the screams, but Zuko. Because as Katara had grabbed Kakyoin, the Ring had fallen out of Kakyoin's pocket. It fell spinning to the ground, light bouncing off of it, until it hit the ground with a thud. Zuko had never wanted anything so badly in his life. Katara's yells seemed to float away, muffled and distorted. They seemed to warp until it wasn't Katara's voice at all, a voice Zuko had trusted and loved a lifetime ago. Now they were the old whispers he had heard before when he saw the Ring.
The whispers calmed Zuko's heart. If he could touch the Ring just once... Before Zuko knew what was happening, he was on his feet, sprinting across the room towards the Ring. One foot in front of the other… almost there. The Ring sat all alone on the cold stone floor, shining just for Zuko. Time seemed to slow down as he walked up to the small Ring. He looked down at it with wonder, and he felt a rush of adrenaline through his body. His eyes, no, his entire mind, was focused entirely on the Ring. What would it feel like? To pick up the Ring and put it on his finger? The cool metal against his skin, the weight of it in the palm of his hand?
"Zuko? What are you doing?" Katara looked at Zuko, who stood several feet away. Zuko was holding Kakyoin's Ring in his palm. His eyes mere inches away from the Ring. He stared at it, an expression of delight and hunger. If he had heard Katara, he didn't show it.
"Hey, get your grubby hands off that! It's mine!" Kakyoin threw Katara off of him and snatched the Ring out of Zuko's pale hand. "Weren't you ever taught to not take peoples stuff? What are you, stupid? I swear, you have a screw loose. You-" Kakyoin quickly grabbed Zuko's hand that was making straight for his throat. "Hey, stop that! No need to strangle me."
"J-just shut u-up! Leave m-me alone!" Zuko yelled as he tried to pull his hand away.
"Why would you try to strangle me?! Everyone knows I have an iron enforced throat. And even if you were able to get through, like L was, I could just heal it again. Now just get away from me! Why is everyone trying to kill me?" Kakyoin shoved Zuko away from him. He gently placed the Ring back into his pocket. The moment before the Ring disappeared into Kakyoin's green coat, Kakyoin saw the light of the Ring flashing in Zuko's eyes.
"I HATE YOU!" Zuko screamed. Then he stomped away out of the room. Katara, Kakyoin, L and Jotaro watched him go.
"What the freakin' hell is up with him?" Jotaro grumbled beneath his hat. He was eating soup.
"He's totally cracking. It was only a matter of time." Kakyoin said. Then he sat down next to Jotaro and began to eat a croissant.
"Are you gonna finish that croissant?" Jotaro asked.
"Yeah," Kakyoin responded.
The evening wore on. L ate quietly at the head of the table. Slowly, the bruises all over his face from Kakyoin began to show, looking like shadows. Kakyoin and Jotaro talked occasionally in hushed tones. Shadows and the light of the candles on the table danced across the walls. The light and the darkness looked like they were doing battle as they flickered. The only one who couldn't eat was Katara. She stared at her plate of food and felt sick. What could she do? The team she had once loved and cared for was falling apart before her eyes. Katara felt like she had been watching a train wreck for the past week. She knew she had power. She felt it in every bone of her body. But she was scared for her friends who couldn't even get through a meal without fighting with each other.
Is this what aang hath felt liketh? not wanting to alloweth wend of thy cater-cousins coequal though thee has't to? Katara couldn't bear to accept the fact that she very well could be the only survivor of the inevitable battle with Robert. She wanted to cry. But she had to be strong. She stood.
"Mine own cater-cousins. I thanketh thee for thy companionship over these past few weeks. And as we receiveth closer to what couldst beest our lasteth battleth together, i wanteth to sayeth thanketh thee. It has been an honor. Th'r grant you mercy thee all!" She raised her glass of vodka above her head. Across the dark room, Jotaro and Kakyoin nodded solemnly. God knows what they were thinking. Kakyoin lifted his glass of 2 thousand year old wine. Jotaro lifted his glass of pepsi. They silently toasted freedom and the world they must try to save. In the other room, Zuko hid underneath the covers, feeling like an eye was watching him. Eventually, he drifted off and dreamed of uncomfortable, unpleasant things.