Chapter three

They stayed in the same position until it was time for the kids to get out of school. Natasha reluctantly lifted her head from his shoulder when he told her he had to pick up the kids. Clint is sure he'll never forget the way she looked. Her eyes red and puffy, her nose red and runny. She looked so young. So broken. He will always blame himself for not seeing her pain sooner.

They didn't say any words to each other as he led her inside and upstairs to his bedroom. That's where he urged her to lay on his side of the bed. Without a struggle she did. He tucked her in like he does every night with his kids.

'Try to sleep a little', he said to her, 'I'll keep the kids away for now, okay?'

'Thank you', she whispered as she closed her eyes. Within a minute she was asleep.

That was a few hours ago. Natasha woke up minutes ago. She looks at Clint's alarm clock, shocked to see it was already past ten at night. She slept for almost six hours. That hasn't happened since… she doesn't even really remember. As she turns on her back she notices the pain in her body. Her shoulders and neck are tense. Her eyes and nose are burning. And her head is pounding. To top it off, she's incredibly thirsty.

For a few more minutes she just lies still in Clint's bed, thinking over what happened not too long ago. She should feel mortified about breaking down like that. But she doesn't. Rationally she knows it was about time that it happened. The guilt and pain is too much to bear alone. She knows this. She knows she'll have to talk to Clint.

'Hey, there', suddenly Clint's there. Holding a large glass of water. She didn't even hear him come into the room.

'Hi', Natasha breathes. She sits up and moves his pillow up so it supports her back a little. Being a little dehydrated and her congested nose make her feel a little nauseous.

'Kids are in bed', he sits on the side of his bed and hands her the glass. She smiles gratefully at him before taking a few sips. 'Did you sleep well?'

'Yeah', she answers softly, 'I'm…'

'Don't you dare apologise', he says, his face serious, his eyes full of empathy. She just nods and looks down at the glass in her hands. She feels Clint moving closer to her before he lifts her chin with his knuckles. 'No one would be better off if you weren't here anymore', his soft voice breaks at the end and she wants to look anywhere but his eyes. They're glassy and soon she's tearing up again.

'Don't say that', Natasha whispers. Clint just shakes his head.

'I'm sorry I didn't see you hurting sooner', his voice trails off as a couple of tears fall from his eyes.

'I can't do this', she tries to get up from his bed to leave but he won't have it. He uses the strength in his arms to keep her from getting up.

'No, don't. You're gonna listen to me for once in your life', he says firmly. That shuts her up for a minute. She sits back and pulls the blanket a little higher. 'Whether this is some fucked up joke the universe pulled on us or just shit luck, I don't care. Because for me a world where you also don't exist is simply not an option. Of course I miss Laura. I will always love her. She'll always be a part of this family. But I already grieved her, Nat', he shakes his head and looks down.

'Clint', now it's her who reaches out for him. He gratefully grabs the hand she reaches out to him.

'I could live without her. As horrible as it sounds. But I couldn't live without our kids. That's what the last years have been about. All I thought about was them', he pauses to take a shaky breath. 'There's always the possibility of finding new love again. But Cooper, Lila and Nate… they're a one time thing'.

'I didn't mean it when I said I wished I died', she says after a few minutes of silence.

'I know you didn't', he looks at her again, 'and please don't ever say it again'.

'I won't', she whispers. 'I did mean one thing, though, what I said on Vormir'.

'What?' he can see the struggle in her eyes before she speaks.

'I love you', she whispers hoarsely, looking him straight in the eye. Clint lets out a soft sob before he gathers her in his arms again.

'I love you, too. So, so much', they cling to each other. Not sure if they're ever ready to let go. 'Stay with me? With us?'

'What?' she asks as the enormity of the questions sinks in. She pulls back from the hug enough to look at him.

'I need you. The kids need you. We're both retired now. So, please? Come live here?'

'Yes', she answers immediately to her own surprise, 'I'll stay if the kids are okay with it'. His face breaks out in a big smile. It automatically causes her to smile back.

'I'll talk to them. Tomorrow, maybe. I don't know, when the moment feels right, I guess'. He sighs a little before he yawns. Exhaustion catching up with him.

'I'll let you get some sleep first', she moves the comforter off of her and starts to get out of bed until Clint stops her.

'Stay', he asks her softly. After a minute of hesitation she nods and moves back in the bed. Clint lays down next to her. They both lay on their sides facing each other.

'Can we talk some more tomorrow?' Natasha asks, suddenly feeling shy. He smiles and moves a strand of hair behind her ear.

'Always', she smiles back at him before closing her eyes. Under the blanket he finds her hand, lifts it to his lips and kisses her knuckles softly. 'Sweet dreams, Nat'.

'Goodnight', she murmurs. After a few minutes they're both fast asleep.