Chapter seven

Two days later she knocks on his door late at night. Nothing happened between them since that kiss. Clint left her to her thoughts, knowing she needed her space to figure things out for herself. But the space he gave her was driving her mad. Her mind and heart can't seem to agree. She can't deny that she fell in love. She can't help but feel loved every time Clint locks eyes with her. She feels happy. All she thinks about is Clint. The way he held her that night. The way his lips felt on hers. But whenever she gives in to her feelings, her self doubt kicks in. Worse than she ever experienced. Love is for children, a voice in her head screams at her. You could never make him happy, you don't deserve to be loved. There's no end to the voice screaming she's not worth anything good in life. And whenever she feels that way, she only wants one person. She only wants to talk to her best friend to make her feel better. So that's why she's knocking on his door at 2.37 a.m. It takes him a while before he opens the door. His eyes sleepy, his hair sticking out in every direction. He's only wearing some sweats, leaving his upper body completely bare.

'My mind won't shut up', she says matter of factly. An understanding smile appears on his face before he moves to the side, inviting her into his room without words. She walks straight to his bed, sits down by the headboard and pulls the blanket up to her chin. Clint closes the door softly and looks at her for a second before walking over to her and sitting down next to her. He can't help but think she looks absolutely adorable the way she pulls the blankets up high.

'Come here', he says as he wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side. She leans against him without resistance. 'Tell me', he urges her on.

'There are these voices in my head. Constantly screaming at me that I'm not worth anything good in life', she whispers while fumbling with the blanket covering them, 'I can't stop them. I can't help but believe them sometimes'.

'Deep down you know they're wrong', he rubs her arm gently while he lifts the other to the side of her face to make her look up at him.

'When I look at you, I do. Because when I look at you I can't help but feel happy', he smiles at her admission, 'and when we kissed, I couldn't help but feel how right it felt. And when I think about the kiss, I want to do it again'. It only takes him a second to process what she said before he kisses her again. More urgently this time. She kisses him back just as passionately and brings her hand up to cup his cheek. Finally she feels his lips part and his tongue on her lips. Without hesitation she parts her own lips and meets him halfway. For the first few moments they gently explore each other's mouths, enjoying the taste of each other. And suddenly he takes the initiative and fights her for dominance. She lets out a soft moan which motivates him to be a little bolder. The hand that was on her cheeks moves down, over her breast to her stomach where he starts to rub his thumb back and forth gently. Natasha has never kissed a man like this. This urgently, this passionate without expecting anything to go further. She always imagined he'd be a good kisser. But the way he kisses her right now exceeds all her fantasies and expectations. The way they sit next to each other becomes a little uncomfortable so she pulls back from the kiss and straddles his thighs. They look at each other for a few seconds before she kisses him again.

Clint can feel Natasha taking control this time and he gladly lets her. He lets his hands roam over her body, pulling her closer and closer until there's no way to get closer. He dreamed of kissing Natasha probably more times than he can count but the real thing is so much better. He feels the heat coming off of her body, every now and then she lets out a barely audible moan.

They continue kissing and caressing each other for minutes. Both of them eager for more. He can feel his erection getting harder by the second. He knows she probably feels it too. But he knows she's probably feeling just as aroused as he is.

'Fuck', he whispers deeply as they let each other go. Natasha leans her forehead against his.

'Yeah', she replies out of breath. They take a minute to calm their breathing. To let their arousal fade a little bit.

'God, Nat, don't you dare tell me you're having second thoughts because if this is any indication of…'

'Wouldn't dream of it', she doesn't let him finish his sentence. He lets out a breathy laugh before leaning his head back so they can look at each other. Clint doesn't think he's ever seen Natasha look more beautiful. Her eyes a darker shade of green from arousal, her lips full and a slight blush on her cheeks. He moves her hair out of her face with both his hands before dropping them to her sides again.

'As much as I would love to have my way with you', he smirks at her, 'let's take this slow. Make sure we're ready to cross that line before we do'. He whispers the last part to her. His expression showing nothing but love and care for the woman in his arms.

'Okay', she agrees with him. She pecks his lips softly before laying her head against his shoulder. Clints wraps his arms around her and starts rubbing circles on her back. As he keeps rubbing her back, she's starting to get more and more relaxed. Her eyes start to get heavy and she eventually closes them. Clint can hear her breathing get deeper and feels her body relax.

'Tasha?'

'Hmm', she hums back sleepily. Clint smiles at that. It isn't that often that he sees his partner this relaxed.

'You're falling asleep on me', Natasha sighs before reluctantly lifting her head from his shoulder. She gets off his lap and falls onto the other side of the bed, on her side facing Clint. Immediately she closes her eyes again. Clint takes a minute to look at Natasha. His mind is suddenly running a million miles an hour. He can't help but think how lucky he is that she's in his life. He feels so incredibly happy that she feels the same way about him.

'I love you, Nat', he whispers to his sleeping best friend. He turns off the lights and lays down. Sleep doesn't come easy that night. But this time it's because he's so very much in love and can't stop thinking about Natasha.