Job Interviews

Note: I am posting these job interview vignettes as I come up with them, so they won't be in any particular chronological order.

Rubeus Hagrid

As he returned to his large, cozy cabin one warm summer evening, Rubeus Hagrid found that a visitor was waiting for him. Visitors were always nice to have – Hogwarts got far too quiet during the summer.

"Professor Dumbledore – delightful to see you, sir!"

"It is, indeed, delightful to be back, is it not?"

"Absolutely," said Hagrid gruffly. "Good to be back, an' to have you here." Hagrid stopped himself, however, from pondering the circumstances that he and Professor Dumbledore were coming back from.

You see, because Lucious Malfoy had been "suspicious" that the Game Keeper had opened the Chamber of Secrets during his third year at Hogwarts and had then re-opened the chamber during the previous school year. Sure, Hagrid liked to keep pets that other people considered absurd and dangerous, like his beloved Acromantula friend Aragog, or the dragon Norbert – but even he was going to draw the limit at a Basilisk. Jeez.

Hagrid opened the door to his cabin and let Professor Dumbledore in. He kept the door open and opened all the windows, too, so that the late afternoon sunlight could percolate in as the cabin's two occupants admired the Hogwarts grounds and the way they shone in their beauty.

After the months he'd spent in Azkaban, Hagrid felt like his senses were even more reactive to the environment. The smell of fresh grass on the late summer breeze tickled his nose as it blew in through the windows. The grass seemed greener, the sky seemed bluer, the sun seemed brighter, and the Hogwarts castle that'd been his touchstone ever since he started his studies as a Hogwarts student – and then his employ as Hogwarts game-keeper – seemed even more majestic.

Awakening from the haze of the dementors was, to him, like being born again.

But although waxing sentimental was Hagrid's tendency, he knew he should focus at least a little on being a good host to Dumbledore. "Can I make yeh some tea?" he asked, while putting the kettle on in anticipation of the answer.

"Yes, thank you, Hagrid," replied the headmaster.

"RUFF, RUFF, RUFF!" exclaimed Hagrid's enormous dog Fang as he bounded into the cabin and made a beeline to demand affection.

Honestly, that bloody mutt had no regard for manners, and he'd been extra needy since Hagrid got back from Azkaban. "Down, Fang," Hagrid demanded exasperatedly. "Don't yeh know by now that Dumbledore's an esteemed guest?"

Fang reluctantly got down, groaning in protest. Hagrid would console the dog with a nice belly rub later.

"It's all right," said Professor Dumbledore with a musical laugh. "I actually came here to share some news."

"Yeah?"

"It seems that Professor Kettleburn, has retired from his post teaching Care of Magical Creatures."

"Why would he do that? He's crazy 'bout that job, and all the creatures!"

Dumbledore shot Hagrid a sardonic grin. "I believe he wanted to spend some quality time with his remaining limbs."

Last Hagrid checked, Professor Kettleburn only had one and a half limbs remaining. "Oh. Right. That'll do it. I do hope he's able to relax now that he's retired."

"Indeed, but it seems that I'm in a quandary now. Could you help me decide who to hire as the next Care of Magical Creatures professor?"

"Don't you want ter ask someone more qualified, like ask around at the Ministry of Magic for someone?" asked Hagrid, taken aback.

"Oh, pish. Nonsense, Hagrid. I would trust you with including, including my very own life and the wellbeing of the students at this school."

"Right, right," Hagrid murmured as he put a teabag into the boiling kettle and stirred it around a little. "Well…"

"Oh, come now! You're the expert!" demanded Dumbledore.

While Hagrid could be trusted with things as important as Professor Dumbledore's life and the wellbeing of all of Hogwarts, he apparently could NOT be trusted to pour tea. Surprised at the headmaster's rebuke, he poured all the tea to one side of one of the cups – the Headmaster would've gotten scalded if he hadn't waved his wand to vaporize the burning tea.

"Sorry 'bout that," grumbled Hagrid.

"Not at all," said Dumbledore, motioning for the other man to sit down. "Perhaps I can tell you some of the qualifications I'm looking for. This person should be someone who's an expert on Creatures of all kinds."

"Why not look at the Ministry, then?" asked a confused Hagrid.

"Well, I'm not just looking for an expert on creatures. I'm looking for someone strong enough to deal with creatures all the time and not lose their limbs as quickly as Professor Kettleburn lost his. I'm looking for someone of excellent character – someone hardworking enough to make sure the class goes smoothly, someone patient enough to manage errant students and errant creatures at the same time, and most of all, I want someone… kind."

Hagrid nodded vigorously. "Very important."

"So, Hagrid, have you got any idea who might fit that job description?" asked Dumbledore, a twinkle coming to his eye. That twinkle meant danger – Dumbledore was planning something. "You see, I want only the best."

"Sounds bloody difficult, Professor. I'll let yeh know if I can find anyone good."

"I'll give you one last hint for your search, Hagrid. This person already works at Hogwarts."

Hagrid mentally shifted through a list of possible candidates. None of the professors already at this school would want to switch from their subjects to teach Care of Magical Creatures and Dumbledore surely wasn't going to hire himself for the position of teaching it, so that left-

Hagrid's jaw fell open in shock. He temporarily forgot how to speak, so he just motioned vaguely to himself.

Dumbledore grinned slyly and nodded.

"ME?! A teacher?!" Hagrid gasped.

"I could not think of a finer candidate to teach Care of Magical Creatures," clarified Dumbledore.

Hagrid got up and walked around the cabin, gesticulating wildly. "Blimey, I can't believe you actually want me to… I won't let you down, Professor! I'll start getting lessons ready for the students right away! I even know the textbook I'll assign 'em! The Monster Book of Monsters!" He yanked a volume off of a shelf in the corner and slapped it down on the table proudly.

Unfortunately, the book itself didn't take too well to being slapped down. "GRRRRR!" it growled. Then, it flopped free of Hagrid's grip and slid right off the table. Once on the floor, it nipped at Fang's tail. The mutt turned around and pounced upon the book while the book tried to take further bites at the dog.

Well, leave it to Hagrid to assign the students a biting textbook. "An interesting choice," said Dumbledore.

Out of decorum for the headmaster, Hagrid broke up the rapidly escalating fight between his dog and his book. Then, he stroked the book to calm it down before he set it back on the shelf it'd come from. Dumbledore wondered how many students would manage to figure out that you should stroke the book to keep it from attacking you – the answer would definitely be interesting. "Sorry about that," Hagrid panted.

"Not at all… Professor Hagrid. Could I possibly take you out to dinner and drinks at The Three Broomsticks to celebrate your new position?"

"Of course! Thank you so much for this, Professor! I won't let you down!"

"I know you won't, Hagrid," said Dumbledore, getting up and leading the way out of the cabin.

"I'm going to get started preparing for class right away! Tomorrow, I'm going to go buy a Hippogriff!"

"Well, do be sure to charge your purchase to the Hogwarts school accounts."

"This has gotta be the best job in the world."