Thank you ChinVilla for being such an awesome writer and inspiration to me! This WHOLE story is because of you. I got the idea when I read Chapter 6 of Pandora's Box Discovered. In fact, it was this line, "…as did the firm pressure on his right knee that strangely felt like the paw of a watchdog, comforting and protective."
And BAM! Hank became Jay's dad and my muse Barbara went to town.
XXXXXXX
Blink
"Got him…GOT HIM! NEED A MEDIC!"
Blink
"It's okay Sarg. We got ya…we got ya. Everything's gunna be ok."
Blink
"Jay! Jay! Calm down man! You're okay…"
Blink
"Please, please Jay…please…it's me…it's Mouse.
Blink
"Mouse…"
Blink
"Hey bud. Welcome back…"
Blink
"Rest…it's rest…we're on rest…"
Blink
"That's right…rest buddy…gunna get you home…just hang on…ride's coming."
XXXXXXX
"Sergeant Halstead's coming back, eh Sarge?"
Sergeant Platt answered the rookie with a world class stink eye. He was used to that. His training officer had told him pretty much everyday not to talk to Sergeant Platt because he would surely piss her off, and if he pissed her off they would get the worst car in the fleet and if they got the worst car in the fleet he would be riding in the trunk.
He wasn't sure if his training officer would do that, but for today he took a chance because he had heard of Sergeant Voight's kid and he wanted to meet him or at least get a good look at him and he knew that Sergeant Platt knew him personally, so possibly riding in the trunk seemed like a good pay-off, worth the risk.
When he had asked his training officer way back when, how Sergeant Halstead could be Sergeant Voight's kid if they had different last names, he saw the look on his training officer's face and knew he had another SSQ breach - SSQ - 'supremely stupid question.' Which he is 99% sure is a made up thing just to make him buy lunch.
His training officer rolled his eyes but answered the question anyway, "His mother's maiden name. When Voight first became a detective, he was in Gun's and Gangs, precautionary measure."
"Ohhhhh…" he nodded his head, of course, ya, what?
His training officer shook his head, "The city got a lot more dangerous when they let you get a badge. How in the hell did a dummy like you get out of the academy."
He had kind of wondered that himself. He was really book smart, pretty physically fit, and pretty sane, so he got out of the academy in the top third of his class. But when it came to the ways of the world, he was dumber than a rock, he just didn't get it. He had no common sense, questioned everything - he practically gave his dad a coronary with the birds and the bees talk. He knew asking questions wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but he questioned, .thing. Why some cars had the gas tank on the right side and some on the left, why they stopped using cherries and went to the bar lights for police cars, why didn't they use fake grass in parks, no maintenance, save the city money. He thought they were good questions at the time but later realized he had done it again. He had, in Sergeant Platt's words, "set his stupid free" then she gave them the worst car and he wasn't allowed to talk anymore.
He had always wanted to be a cop or a soldier, they were heroes. Soldier first, but there were way more flying bullets to contend with so he chose to be a cop. Good thing too as far as his training officer was concerned, 'better you put just the people of Chicago at risk than the citizens of the world.' His training officer had a point and again thought he should probably quit and get a job in an animal shelter or something. Dogs didn't really care if you were stupid…or at least if they did, they couldn't tell you.
So today he decided would be a good day. This morning he had heard Sergeant Jay Halstead was coming back, for good, and hoped he would get to see him, maybe even meet him. He had heard the rumors around the station since he got here 3 months ago. Sergeant Halstead, 3rd Battalion, 75th Army Ranger Regiment, had a purple heart and some other kind of medals and was a bonafide war hero. He hoped that he was on shift when he showed up. It would be like seeing a movie star as far as he was concerned.
That's also how he always felt when he got pulled over while driving before he was a cop. He never got one ticket in all the times he got pulled over. He inundated the officers with questions. Some of them were nice and answered them and forgot to give him a ticket, some of them just didn't want to deal with him. The best times though, were when he got written warnings, the officers signed those.
But then he started working with cops and he realized they were just plain old people like him except not stupid, or at least most of them weren't. He didn't think his hero worship over Sergeant Halstead would go away though. He was a Sergeant in the Army Rangers, had lots of medals and according to his training officer, really was a war hero, it wasn't just rumors.
All of this was why he almost shit a brick when his training officer elbowed him in the ribs and said, "there's your hero."
He looked up just in time to see the guy in the doorway get practically tackled by Sergeant Platt, in what his mom would have called a, 'chicken soup for the soul hug,' right in the middle of the 21st district, both oblivious to all else.
His mouth dropped open and he stared, rude, but he couldn't help it. Sergeant Halstead looked pretty bad, cuts and bruises all over his face, on crutches and a black hinged brace thing on his left leg that went from mid-thigh down to under his socked foot. Ho-ly shit! Injured! Super extra war hero! He wasn't in his uniform, just blue jeans and a long sleeve gray t-shirt but that didn't matter. Even Cap didn't have his shield all the time.
He couldn't hear anything they were saying but Sergeant Platt had tears in her eyes, which he thought might be the 8th wonder of the world, as she walked with Sergeant Halstead to the stairs and up to Intelligence. Christ. He even hopped up the stairs, just using the rail and his crutches, that's practically flying.
He grinned at his training officer and for the first time since he started working with him, his training officer grinned back.
"Come on kid. Let's get to work…if you're going to pick a hero, you picked a good one, not one of those fake ones like Captain America or something."
"I love Captain America…"
His training officers face fell and he shook his head in exasperation, this rookie.
"But Sergeant Halstead beats him by a mile."
He got another clap on the back, "You can say that again."
"I said, 'but Sergeant Halstead beats him by a mile.'"
The training office blew out a sigh and once again debated making the kid ride in the trunk.
XXXXXXX
He had wanted to go through the roll-up. He knew his dad's unit was out since none of the vehicles were in their spaces. Trudy wasn't picking up her cell so he had no choice but to go in through the front of the precinct. He sees Trudy and releases a shit kicking grin, or at least as kicking as split lips would allow.
Trudy's breath catches, everything about him registers in an instant. Fading black eyes, 2 split lips, stitches on his jaw and forehead, a cut across the bridge of his nose, face littered with bruises. She knew he had been injured just under two weeks ago, but to see it broke her heart. If the bruises were still dark enough to see now, she didn't want to imagine what they looked like when it first happened. What concerned her the most was the brace on his left leg. She internally winced, dislocated knee and ankle, Hank said.
He stood there on his crutches with that shit kicking grin, and she couldn't help but grin back with a smile that not many were witness to. She was in front of him the second he crossed the threshold, hugging him for dear life, though mindful of the bruised ribs and shrapnel wounds she knew lurked beneath his shirt.
The majority of 21 knew who Jay was. They knew he was a war hero. Knew he had a Purple Heart, and by the looks of it, another to come. They all knew he was one of the youngest to make Sergeant. There were rumors that he was highly decorated. Most knew that the "rumors" weren't actually rumors, they were all true. Every. single. one of them. And no one knew that they were started by his godmother, one Sergeant Trudy Platt. She was proud of her godson. He was a war hero many times over and even though Jay didn't broadcast this stuff and never would, people needed to know what he did for this country, for them.
She was slick when it came to rumors, a ninja. No one would ever trace them back to her. Hank and Al probably figured it out but they both pretty much felt the same as her. And they knew there was no way they could ever put a stop to it, you weren't going to win with Trudy on anything…not even Hank would win with Trudy. The only one who could ever win with Trudy was Jay.
They held the hug for a long time. Jay wasn't too much of a hugger, or at least he didn't really initiate hugs, but he always indulged his three parental figures, his dad, his godfather Alvin Olinsky, and godmother Trudy Platt. The guys in his dad's unit, Adam and Kev, always got quick bro hugs, they were close, Kim got a brief, sister kinda hug, and his brother, when he wasn't pissed at Jay, gave him a bro hug, but Will's been pissed at Jay for going on three years now. Then again, he'd been overseas those three years, not home since he came for the 2 weeks after Justin died. So maybe a bro hug was in the future. Who's to say.
Jay's always been a 'forgive and forget' kind of guy. Will can be an asshole when he's being a protective mother hen, and usually ends up doing more harm than good. At least emotionally. Jay went back to 'the sandbox' after these two weeks home when Justin died more wounded than he arrived, thanks to Will.
Jay hadn't let it show for more than a a few seconds but they all knew, they all saw the two seconds of anguish on his face. And they all, at some time or another, laid into Will about it. Jay was already wounded physically. The fact that Mouse took his leave with Jay, and came home with him, told them all he wasn't doing well emotionally. Not just because of Justin's death, but because of the ambush where he was hurt, they'd lost guys. So Mouse came home.
Mouse had taken up the reins of being Jay's emotional body guard from day one of their friendship - day one of bootcamp. The previous holder of the reins was Sergeant Trudy Platt, godmother extraordinaire, an official title she bestowed upon herself, a title Jay agreed with wholeheartedly. She was there for all the boys when Camille died. Her and Camille had been best friends for a long time and she had promised to look after her boys, especially Jay, he had a big heart and at times that only brought him more pain.
Jay could take care of himself and many others physically but as much as he tried to pretend the emotional stuff rolled off his back, it rolled right off into a virtual backpack that he forever carried. It contained all his guilt, sorrow, and perceived failures. All the people he killed with his sniper rifle in the name of his country. All of those he served with who died and he couldn't save, those who died that were his friends, those that were hurt or died under his command. His backpack was filled with the rocks of those emotional burdens and Mouse took it upon himself to do all in his power to make sure it didn't get any heavier. And whenever he could, he helped him carry it.
When Will hadlaid into Jay three years ago, no one could stop him, short of shooting him, so Will added a boulder to Jay's pack. Mouse wished he could have shot Will, or at least knocked his ass out. At least that way Will would just be mad at him and wouldn't have had a chance to crush Jay before he went back to the war.
X
Trudy dropped Jay off upstairs gave him another hug and promised not to give anyone a heads up that he was there. Then she gave him another hug before she went to take a break so she could finally let the tears fall she had barely held in. She knew he had been injured, nothing life threatening, but it was still hard to see and worse than most of what she had imagined.
He sighed and soaked up the peace he always felt here. It might have been because his dad's presence was stamped all over the place, he had a lot of good memories hanging out here, doing homework after school, or just shooting the shit with his dad's team.
He smiles and decides to sit at Al's desk to wait for the unit to arrive, see if he can pull off an 'Al' and pop his head around the corner, with a 'here.'
It couldn't have worked out better. They came up the steps with Ruz asking when Jay was going to get here. He rolled Al's chair back with a mellow, 'present' raising his hand with a perfectly timed snack, a banana held high.
That got a good laugh until they got a real look at Jay when he stood up, big brace on his leg and face full of bruises, causing the laugh to die down to an uncomfortable chuckle.
"I'm fine guys, really…"
Hank made a beeline for him and Jay forego his crutches, ignored his bruised ribs, and hopped the last two feet.
It was a tight embrace, Jay smashing his face into his dad's neck served two purposes, one, he loved his dad and the hug could never be tight enough, and two, he needed to hide the wince. The crushing hugs to his bruised ribs, were worth the bit of pain they caused. They were the balm for his emotional injuries that his pain meds didn't touch.
Hank finally pulled back, "You got here early."
"Ya, they let me catch an earlier ride. It didn't take as long at Benning."
Jay was passed around the bullpen like a gimpy bag of candy. Even the new girl Hailey got a hug. New to Jay, she had been there for three years but he didn't really remember her that well from the brief introduction last time he was home.
"Man it's good to see you! You home for good or going back once your healed up?"
"Uh, home for good. I'll be on medical for the next 2 months, but more than likely, they'll extend it another month to the end of my contract. I didn't process out yet. That's why it didn't take as long at Fort Benning."
Hailey's not sure if anyone else noticed the tremble in Jay's hands at the question, but it was there, visible when he took the crutches his dad retrieved for him.
She doesn't really know how to change the subject, she doesn't know Jay and doesn't want to cause him more distress so she goes with the safest option.
"Hey, we should all go to Molly's tonight."
She wasn't really expecting Jay to take her up on it but she knew it was a ball that Kevin and Adam would pick up and run with.
"YES! Excellent plan Hailey."
"Wattaya say guys, Molly's?"
"I'm gunna pass tonight guys. Just spent the last couple days hopping transports. Gunna need a day or so to unkink but I'll see you at the BBQ."
"Understandable man, understandable."
Jay gives them all a nod and follows his dad into his office where he got another hug. That time everyone saw the wince.
XXXXXXX
"Will! WILL!"
Molly's was packed so it was no wonder Will couldn't hear him.
"Get a table guys, I'll get first round."
"Hey man! How's it going? Good to have Jay back huh?!"
"Uh ya, ya, haven't got a chance to see him yet…"
"He looked good, okay, kind of, a little banged up, but otherwise physically fit as a fiddle…kind of…"
Adam ordered the beers and bought Will another. "Come join us if you want, no need to sit here by yourself."
"Oh, not by myself. Ethan should be here in a few."
"Cool. Well, come over if you want."
Adam thanked Hermann and went back to the table. As soon as he turned from the bar, he took off his fake smile and lets how pissed he was break through.
"Hey Kim, trade places with me, ya?"
She sees the look on his face, but doesn't ask any questions just moves into his empty spot and gives Adam her seat.
Adam sits down, back now to the bar, not having to look at Will.
"Will is such a goddamn dick."
"Oh hey, didn't see him. What's he doing here and not at Boss's? Jay's back."
"Exactly."
Kim ever the peacemaker, "He might not know he's back. Jay did come in early."
"He knows he's back and he knows Jay was injured, but he's still sitting here having drinks with Ethan."
"Shit man, wonder if he's ignored Jay for the last three years."
"That would be really screwed up. I doubt Will would ever do that to his brother."
"Kim you were there, we all were there." He swirls his index finger around the table to encompass all of them. "Will was the highest level of prick that night and he pretty much crushed Jay right before he was going back to fight a fucking war."
Hailey had witnessed the whole thing and had stayed out of the whole 'rip on Will fest' that happened later that night three years ago. She didn't really know anyone very well yet. She had only been with the unit three months then. She liked them but they were all in that 'feeling each other out' stage of being teammates.
XXXXXXX
Three years ago
Mouse came with him. His best friend was taking his leave to go home with him. Jay couldn't have gotten through these last 5 days without him.
Waking up from surgery to find out his little brother had been killed was devastating enough, but when he found out Justin had died a little over six weeks ago while they were on a long haul mission, and he had missed the funeral, he lost it. They had to sedate him lest he ruin the work of the surgeons. It didn't help that he had a grade two concussion and wasn't cleared to fly home for another 5 days.
He had talked to his dad and Will during those 5 days, but it only made him feel worse. To not be there, comfort and be comforted in person put an ache in his heart that he was sure would never leave, that he would always feel with every beat of his heart.
His injury didn't help matters. Mouse was the one to call his dad. He sent a text first - Jay's okay. Calling momentarily- Mouse Then when he called, he repeated the words 'Jay's okay' before he said anything else to make sure it sank in. He sent the warning text first from an unknown number, because ringing phone + 'only bad news' phone number = a 'fear the worst emotional heart attack.'
It was hard to fill in Sergeant Voight on the condition of his son, even though Jay made it through surgery and would just be down a wing for a couple of months.
What was more painful though, was hearing about Justin. He volunteered to tell Jay so he wouldn't have to hear it from the chaplain or over the phone.
He had informed Sergeant Voight that he would fly out with Jay as soon as he was cleared. It was a long, painful 5 days and Jay was still in a lot of pain physically in addition to the emotional pain for the 20 hour flight home.
Although he was cleared to fly, the pressure still jacked up the concussion symptoms that had, for the most part, gone away. The bullet to the shoulder was a painful injury but he had good meds that at least brought the pain to a manageable level, but the numbskull refused to take meds on the last leg of the trip into Chicago because he wanted to be clear when he saw his dad.
They walked into the district, which was amazingly empty for the time of day, and Sergeant Platt whipped around the desk like a boomerang and pulled Jay into a heart blooming hug while giving Mouse a sad smile. Jay was able to maintain his stoic facade for the most part but the glassy eyes predicted the forthcoming waterworks.
Platt buzzed them up and the three of them walked up the steps together. Hearing the buzz of the gate and knowing in his heart it was his son, even though he wasn't due to arrive for another 6 hours, Voight stepped out of his office and took in his boy. Left arm in a sling and a bruise from the hairline to just below his right eye were the physical wounds, pain lines feathering out from his eyes gave away the pain of his injuries.
The dark circle under his other eye and the devastation radiating off him, gave way to the emotional pain of losing his brother and only finding out about it all these weeks later.
Tears were leaking from their eyes before they even reached each other. The soul wrenching embrace taking place in front of Voight's office before the two of them disappeared inside to share their grief in private.
The witnesses to the exchange all looked at each other with glassy eyes. It was Adam who was first to move, wrapping Mouse up in a hug that was definitely needed based on the strength of the reciprocation.
They all hung out together in the bullpen engaging in small talk. Even the new girl Hailey joined in. She didn't know Jay and barely knew Voight but she seemed equally moved by what she had just witnessed.
Mouse was already on his third cup of coffee and second sandwich, provided by Kim, when Hank emerged from his office an hour later sans Jay. He walked over to Mouse and gave him a hug almost equaling the hug for Jay. Even though he had told him over the phone, Mouse once again extended his condolences. Voight could only nod, eyes filling with tears again that he refused to let spill.
"He's sleeping. He not taking his meds?"
"Uh, ya. He's been taking them religiously but didn't take the pain meds the last leg. They make him loopy…"
He shrugged and Hank nodded. No need to finish the sentence.
"I had him take them. We'll let him sleep for a while."
That's how the trip home started. It was an emotional trip all around but it was bookended by surges of pain off the meter, the first of which they all just witnessed.
The trip consisted mostly of time spent with his dad, and Mouse drove Jay to Justin's grave almost every day. He would sit there for hours, sometimes even falling asleep. No matter what anyone said to the contrary, they couldn't convince Jay it wasn't his fault. No amount of time would ever be enough for the apologies he sobbed to his little brother on each visit.
Will came over a couple of times and slipped into doctor mode immediately. Normally Jay wouldn't tolerate the mother henning but he let it slide given the circumstances. Mouse went to Molly's 3 or 4 times with the unit, giving the grieving family time together without an interloper.
He'd known everyone since he and Jay were in bootcamp together and he looked at them as his friends, his family, also. He was a firm believer in 'friends are the family you choose.' He chose a good family with Jay and as a byproduct, he became a much loved member of the Voight/Halstead/IU family…and Trudy…God bless her, she was the mom he never had. She knew that somehow. So she shared her loving, compassionate mother side, which usually only came out with Jay, with him also.
There was pain and laughter in those two weeks, the surge of pain that bookended the conclusion of the trip came from Will. For whatever reason, Will thought Jay was out of the army No one said as much, but he probably assumed injury meant you're done.
Will had never really wanted Jay to go into the military, even though it was Jay's dream, Rangers, then cop, then detective. He didn't like the idea of people shooting at his brother. He didn't like having to worry if his brother were dead or alive, and that every phone call from his dad or an unknown number could be 'that' phone call.
So when Will found out that Jay was going back, he went ballistic. Their dad had a cookout and everyone was there. As a First Year Resident, Will had been working back to back long shifts for three days and somehow the fact that Jay was leaving fell through the cracks.
Will showed up tired but grateful to have time with his dad and brother after a hectic week. Jay and Will had been sitting at a table together, Will was a little buzzed but in pretty good spirits and Jay was a little high on pain meds, feeling a bit melancholy.
However the conversation started, it got heated pretty fast, well at least on Will's end it was heated. Jay took it in stride. He knew his brother was hurting and let him say his piece. Unfortunately, Jay not fighting back, just seemed to Will, to prove his point that Jay didn't care.
It was witnessed by everyone. They all knew how much Will worried about his brother and knew it had to be hard for him that Jay was going back. Their hearts went out to them both, that was until Will started hitting below the belt.
Will rose to his feet, Jay following but taking a step back from Will's anger, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"
"Will…"
"How can you go back?! You got shot!"
"Will, I'm fine."
"No, Jay, no goddamn it, there is no fine! We lost mom, now Justin and you come home hurt, SHOT and now you're leaving, going back?! Christ Jay…do you know what we fucking go through while you're over there. Do you?"
All those in attendance tried to break it up before things were said that could never be unheard, even Voight had no power to stop the argument, which spoke to the volume of Will's anger.
Jay didn't say anything, what could he say.
"And now you're going back? WE JUST FUCKING LOST JUSTIN!" He points to their dad, "You think it's fair to do that to him? He already lost one kid, what you think is going to happen if we lose you too? Can you just think of us for once?"
"Will, I…"
"This bullshit war on terror can't be won, so why do you even bother. You're getting…you're getting shot at for nothing, nothing!"
Everyone was in stunned silence at Will's outrageous comment.
Mouse steps in and pushes Will back, "WILL! Lay off man!"
"Shut the fuck up Mouse. This has nothing to do with you."
"This does have something to do with me. That's my brother you're talking to."
He pushed Mouse back "No Mouse! He's MY brother not yours, so butt out!"
That's when Jay moved between them, turned his head to Mouse, his free hand telling him to ease up. He turned back to Will, trying to…to what? He didn't know…salvage something…
"Will…please…"
"You know, Sergeant…" He said Jay's rank with such disgust, that their heads all swung to Jay to gauge his reaction, a crack to his almost stoic mask. "Justin didn't do well after mom died…"
Jay interrupted, praying Will doesn't push him further down the road he's already trudging, he didn't think he could handle that.
"I know…I know Will…I…"
"And when you left, he went off the fucking rails and now he's dead."
He pokes Jay in the chest, "He's FUCKING DEAD JAY!"
He did go down that road.
All the calls for Will to back off, all of the hands that tried to pull Will away from his brother stilled in the heavy silence.
What was the feeling or look beyond devastated? Was there a word for it? If it's in the dictionary, they could put a picture of Jay's face at this very moment as an example. Beyond devastated: meaning: What a person feels when their older brother blames them for the death of their younger brother.
That is what Jay is feeling and it is written in neon blinking lights all over his face.
Will takes a breath and looks at Jay. Whether it even registers what he just did to his brother or whether he even cares, no one will ever know. But he throws in one last parting shot under his breath, "Justin is dead, Jay. He. is. dead."
Will left the party then, an angry Al following to drive him home since he was probably too upset and drunker than they all thought, to drive.
Jay couldn't look at any of them lest he see the same thing in their eyes as he just saw in Will's. He couldn't listen to his dad try to convince him that Will was wrong, couldn't let Trudy hug him, couldn't let any comfort in. All he could do was leave. He marched through the backdoor and straight out the front door.
Hank kept anyone from following, "Give him some space." A couple of hours later, after the BBQ had broken up, he found Jay at Justin's grave and brought his boy home.
XXXXXXX
Present Time
Hailey could put in her two cents now, three years later, and steer the conversation in another direction.
"Well, at least Jay's here now…back for good…"
"Whew…ya man…Halstead's back!" Hailey's mission accomplished, they all raised a glass to the good news, great news, Jay was back.
XXXXXXX
I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading! Be safe!