Woody looked around the small apartment, "Shit Sarge, except for the TV, this place is a dump. The barracks were better than this."

"Well at least here I don't have to share with nine other stinky ass guys."

"True…God, never again."

"You wanna beer?"

"Ya. Awesome."

Jay limped over and got a couple beers. Handed one over to Woody and plopped down in a chair.

They tried to watch the game but the Cubs were depressingly terrible, so they gave up on it an hour ago and just caught up with each other.

"You working anywhere man?"

Jay took a drink of beer. "Not yet…just doing some side stuff…haven't really looked, gotta get my leg straightened out."

"What ya thinking of doing?"

"Not sure…maybe security or something like that…not sure."

"Come on Sarge. You think yer gunna be able to get a real job? Work in security? Let you carry a gun? You're more fucked up than me…" He gestured to the dark circles under Jay's eyes, "…ya gotta be given what happened."

"Ya well, not sleeping so hot…it'll pass."

Woody laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement, "Shit man, no one will have us. Too afraid of PTSD. That's the first thing they're thinking when they see medical discharge in your file. Believe me I know."

Jay pointed at him with his beer, "Ya, but you're also an idiot."

Woody choked on his beer laughing, "Well ya, there's that."

Jay chuckled. "So you good though?"

"Ya. I'm good. I might have something for ya…"

Jay quirked an eyebrow.

"…if your willing to get a little down and dirty. Good money, the boss is an asshole, but he takes good care of his guys."

Jay stared at his beer a second, then took a long draw, "Already getting a little down and dirty…he's not going to care about a bum leg?"

He looked at Jay, "He won't care, your mobile enough. How long you gotta have a robotic leg?"

"Only wear it after PT. Couple more weeks and I should be good to go."

Jay got up to get another beer and Woody followed, "Cool, cool. Man, you were fucked up. Didn't think we'd find you alive."

"Ya…well, it was a mess, but ya did." His eyes flit around the apartment knowing his dad's unit was watching.

"So what's the job? When would I start?"

"Mouse was fucking freakin out man. He woulda been headed for the loony bin we got you and you were dead."

"Hey, shut up man…just…what's the fucking job?"

"Thought it was gunna end right there…"

Jay grabbed Woody by the collar and gave him a shake. "Listen! That's shit's in the past. You wanna do this then leave it the FUCK alone!"

"Ya, ya, sorry man, just, shit…". He smoothed out his shirt when Jay let go, then ran his hand through his hair, "I just…sorry we didn't…you…shit dude, you saved all of us that day. I don't mean to upset you, just, you went through that shit…all that pain…you saved me man, saved all of us. Sorry, just, thanks…thanks for that."

Jay blanched and put his head down, feeling bad for jumping down Woody's throat.

He couldn't quite keep the despondent tinge out of his voice and hoped the team thought it was part of his UC persona. "Sure Woody…don't sweat it…so you'll call me then?"

"Ya. Gunna go talk to the boss…call ya in a couple of hours…" He drank the last couple swallows of his beer, and got all happy again, "Cheer up man. Couple weeks we're gunna be rolling in it…"

Jay saw him to the door and gave him a hug, "Later…"

"Later Sarge."

Jay shut the door and closed his eyes, head down. He knew everyone could see him. Wonders what his dad is thinking…he took a big breath, limped into the bedroom and shut the door, thereby shutting out his dad and the unit.

He sat down on the bed, elbows on knees, arms dangling, head down and shook his head. His breath hitched and it took everything in his power not to have a fucking melt down… "Fuck fuck fuck."

He got a call from Woody a little over an hour later. It was a go. He'd meet the boss in a couple of days and find out his role in this scheme.

XXXXXXX

"Hey James…this is…"

"Halstead… I know. So, Woody told me about you…thinks you're Captain America…said you saved his ass and his unit on an op."

"Facial rec?"

"Working on it boss."

Jay remained quiet since he hadn't been asked a question.

"Uh, ya, this is Sergeant Jay Halstead the guy I told you about, Jay this is my brother James."

Jay just nodded, not a lot to say at this point.

"Kev?"

"On it boss."

James looked him up and down at first with quiet indifference then with disdain.

"So hero…strip."

"What?"

"I said strip. You want in, I wanna make sure your not wired."

"Boss, James Woodruff, Chicago native, has a rap sheet as long as my arm, nothing major, small stints in county. He's tagged for affiliations with a few white suprematist groups."

Al stated the obvious, "Doesn't seem to like veterans."

"Woody said he was an asshole. Understatement of the century."

"So you gunna strip or what?"

Jay sighed, curses up a blue streak in his head, and took off his shirt. He can practically hear the gasps from his dad's unit from wherever they are watching this shit show go down.

Adam swallowed then whispered, "Awww, shit man! That IED really fucked Jay up."

Hank sucked in a breath and felt the sting of tears in his eyes. He had seen a couple of the cuts on Jay's stomach when he came home…but this…dammit. When he saw those cuts and bruises two months ago, his gut was screaming at him to pull Jay's shirt up further. He knew there was more, he knew it, but he let it go, knowing Jay already felt embarrassed and vulnerable.

Voight locked his jaw, wanting to pull his son out and lock this motherfucker up just for being an asshole.

They all watched on monitors from their different locations as Jay stripped, taking his shoes and jeans off. They were able to get cameras everywhere but the Southside of the warehouse, so they could all see Jay from the front, back and his left side.

"Socks."

Jay rolled his eyes and took off his socks, adding them to the pile of his discarded clothes, then stood there in his boxer briefs. He's lean, pure muscle, standing practically at attention. His back is littered with shrapnel scars of different lengths, 20 at least. His chest, sides and abdomen are the same if not worse. The dark pink of the scars beacons of trauma against Jay's pale skin.

James laughed, "Come on man. Don't be modest. Lose the drawers."

Jay sighed, took off the boxer briefs and stood with his hands in front of his groin.

"Take those outside."

Woody jumped to it, grabbed Jay's clothes and shoes and tossed them outside the door.

The removal of the briefs revealed a long scar that went from just left of Jay's belly button to almost the middle of his back, ending just above his left cheek. Where it crossed over his hipbone it looks particularly jagged.

"This how you guys found him?"

"Found him?" Adam looked at Al who shrugged, but is putting two and two together.

"Uh ya, James, kinda…"

"Hey, so we gunna…"

"Shut up Sarge…you'll get your turn."

James didn't let him finish because he's a dick, and wanted to see the hero squirm. If there's one thing he hates, it's a good soldier, especially one who's a fucking war hero.

"So ya got a couple purple hearts huh? Anything else? Any other medals, hero?"

"God damn this guy is a dick. What the fuck is this?"

James walked around Jay. Even from this distance and the not so great quality of picture they can see the minute tremble in Jay's body and it ain't all from the cold.

"Heard you had a three day vacation with the Taliban. How was it? You do any swimming?"

And just like that, James let the lion out of the bag.

"Aw shit…Goddammit Jay…" Voight rubbed his face, paying extra attention to his eyes, wiping any tears that may try to fall.

Adam, "Swimming?"

Al didn't look at him just took a deep breath and watched the kid on the monitor.

"Waterboarding."

Adam's voice cracked, "Fuck. Not an IED…they…he was…oh man Jay…Goddammit!"

Hailey rubbed her face and sat elbows to knees, hands in prayer tap against her lips.

Jay tried to keep his voice steady, almost accomplishes it. "A little."

Kevin sat up straight and rubbed his face, looked at Kim as she wiped away tears before both focused on the monitors again.

"So tell me Sergeant Hero, what else they do?"

Jay paled, "Uh why…come on man…"

"Because I wanna know."

The whole team wondered what the fuck was going on.

"What the fuck man? Why's he doing this?"

Jay looked back and forth between the two and swallowed.

Woody tried to help out. He was there. Knew how fucked up it was and didn't want Jay to have to relive it. "Come on James. I already told you what happened."

Jay rolled his head, then stared at Woody. He didn't know Woody was there, was part of the rescue team, he didn't remember the rescue at all.

James gave him a look that shut him up, "I know you did. I know he saved your fucking unit and I know you look up to him like he's Captain fucking America, but what was it you said when you told me all about your hero? Oh ya, it went something like, 'He'll be great James, glad he didn't pull the trigger man, he's gunna help make us a shitload of money.' Isn't that what you said, glad Captain America didn't off himself? Doesn't sound like much of a fucking hero to me, so I wanna fucking hear it from him."

Voight put his head down for a moment and sucked in the sob that tried to escape. The rest of the unit is speechless, not wanting to breath let alone talk.

James walked around Jay again, this time touching various scars on his back, abs and chest, causing him to flinch, blink away from Chicago.

Where is your remote base? How many men?

James ran his finger across a group of vertical scars that run across Jay's left thigh.

Tally…Fists knife taser needles waterboard taser tally rest…

He poked the long scar that runs from Jay's abdomen around his side and to his back.

All this can stop, you know.

"So tell me Sarge…" He kept poking the scar, "they use your own K-bar for this."

He felt an uptick in the tremble of his body. Stop…stop.

He could barely swallow. His voice is weak and it pissed him off, "Come on man, we gunna fucking do this or what?"

"Maybe…but first we're gunna have a little conversation."

"I'll have Woody here help you out…maybe you don't remember everything."

Jay glanced at Woody who looked at him apologetically. He drew in a slow breath, knowing he didn't have a choice, and gives the smallest of nods, trying in vain to get his body to stop trembling.

"Woody…"

"Uh…when we found him…"

"How long was he gone?"

"We found him three days later…"

Al put his head down and saw Hank rub his face in his peripheral vision.

"Go on…"

"Man, this is so fucked up…boss, we gunna a stop this…this is fucked up man."

They all thought the same thing; they wanted it all to stop. Hank wanted it to stop. He didn't want his son to go through this. He's kicking himself for going along with the whole thing.

He made his voice as professional as humanly possible given what he is listening to. "Let it play."

Woody looked at Jay again who just closes his eyes. Then abruptly opened them when the warehouse disappeared and he's suddenly in that cave.

Jay stared at the scar on Woody's forehead, willing himself to stay in Chicago.

Woody flicked his eyes back and forth between Jay and James, torn, not wanting to hurt Jay but more afraid of his brother.

Jay clenched his jaw and nodded again, then Woody ripped the bandaid off, and projectile vomited his lie about an IED all over the warehouse, over all those he loved…he feels the bile rise in his throat when he thinks of his dad hearing this.

"Uh, he was naked like that, they had him strung up, he was full of cuts and taser burns, beat to hell and…"

Hailey thought of the bruises she noticed around Jay's wrist when his sleeve rode up at the barbecue, and his 'got tossed around a bit,' when he saw her looking at it. She felt stupid for letting that go.

James smiled watching the growing despair in the young Sergeant's eyes.

"Uh, he was full of needles. They were heated…he…the medic…he said they had been heated…the skin was burnt where…the medic had to take them out before we could lay him down…before we could transport."

Jay's mistake was closing his eyes again. Instantly he was back in that cave, in the distance he hears Woody yelling but that could have been in Chicago or over there. His mind tells him it's over there and his world spins.

James laughed when Jay collapsed. "He's in…I'll call you when I get the details…" He squeezed Woody's shoulder, "you did good…earned yourself a bonus little brother."

All Woody could do was nod, trying not to be sick, wishing more than anything he hadn't brought Jay into this.

Once James was gone, Woody stripped off his hoodie and threw it over Jay where he laid unconscious on the cement floor.

"Boss?"

Voight couldn't answer so Al does and it's barely above a whisper, "Hold for now…"

"Jay…" Woody tapped his cheek, "wake up man…"

Jay starts, then scrambled away from him. It took him one heartbreaking moment before he realized where he was. He sighed, laid on his back, and adjusted the hoodie with shaking hands, then clasped them over his forehead, knowing his dad, his team, just saw that, saw and heard everything.

"Jay…Jay. I'm sorry man…"

Jay just breathed and tried to control the quake in his body…tried to tell himself it was because he's cold…

"'s okay Woody…Grab my clothes for me?"

"Shit." He got up and ran to the door, "Ya, ya be right back."

Jay was self conscious as he got dressed, knowing everyone was watching, probably even more focused on the state of his body.

"You good Sarge? You're bleeding."

Jay wasn't aware that he had hit his head until that very moment and winced when he touches the small cut on the the right side of his forehead.

"Ya, I'm good…lets get outta here."

The team watched the two of them walk out, Jay limping worse than when he went in. They could hear in the echo of the warehouse Woody apologizing over and over.

He couldn't keep the tremble out of his voice, "It's okay Woody…we're gunna make a lot of dough, right man?"

Woody smiled then, what he'd done to Jay forgotten. "Hell ya, let's go, I'll buy you beer to celebrate."

The rest of the team sat there in stunned silence, sickened to various degrees by what really happened to Jay.

Voight broke the silence in a voice filled with pain and rage, "Let's go. Back to the district."

XXXXXXX

Woody dropped him at his UC apartment. Jay knew he had to go to the district and face the music but first he needed to get himself firmly in Chicago. He stepped into the shower and let the water roll over him, for a brief moment transported back to that cave and being waterboarded. He held his hand against the nozzle and stopped most of the flow. Hot water…it's hot water…he let it go, put his hands against the wall and let the hot water wash away a layer of shame, only to have a layer of fear bloom in its place.

They all got back to the bullpen before Voight and Al; all wrapped up in their own thoughts about what just went down. Hearts breaking for Jay, for Voight. Worry for Jay was probably the biggest thing. They were all trying to do the math of when it happened and they all came up with the same thing, less two weeks after being tortured by terrorists for three days, Jay was sitting in the bullpen holding up a banana in greeting. Two weeks…shouldn't he have been in a hospital?

Al came into the bullpen minus Voight, looking like he expected to find him there. Not a second later they hear the locker room being destroyed. Or at least the lockers.

Al sighed, "Adam, call Will see if he can come down. Play it down…couple of stitches…" then went to see about his best friend.

Adam picked up his phone, shook his head and gave the rest of the team a 'holy fuck' look as he called Will.

XXXXXXX

They were all a bit surprised when Jay showed up at the district. They thought…well, they didn't know what they thought. They were just surprised he was there.

For lack of a better word, he slunk up the stairs wearing his brace. The small bruise surrounding the cut on his head a glaring reminder of what just went down.

Jay saw his dad right away in the break room. Will was wrapping his hands. He sighed, he did that…he's the reason his dad beat the hell out of something.

Will was focused on his dad's hands but when he looked up and saw rage on his dad's face, actual tears in his eyes, he turned to see who he was looking at.

Will looked at Jay in confusion, back at his dad, then confronted his brother, "Jay what the hell…"

He didn't get a chance to finish the question before his dad was storming out of the break room, charging at Jay, who stumbled back against the wall. The flinch and blaze of fear in Jay's eyes doesn't go unnoticed by anyone.

It's dad. It's dad. It's dad.

Voight was a breath away from breaking down and bawling. This was his kid. HIS KID! There was no way in fuck he was going to let Jay kill himself. He saw in that warehouse the pain he hadn't fucking noticed before. How could he not notice what kind of pain his kid was in. His son came home not even two weeks after being tortured and sat in that alone.

He swallowed a sob, he was off the rails in fear and he couldn't stop himself, "A HUMVEE ACCIDENT! AN IED?! A FUCKING IED?!"

"HANK!"

Jay didn't say anything, he knew he deserved it. Big lie to tell to his dad, but when it happened they were still on mission, they wouldn't notify family he was MIA since they got him back. So why tell his dad, hurt him. Why make him worry.

He let his eyes scan the room as his dad laid into him. "I didn't want to worry you. I'm fine. It was only three days."

That's what did it, that's what tipped Hank over the edge. His fear and worry for Jay spiked, he saw nothing else.

"Three days?! ONLY three days?!"He grabbed the zipper tab on Jay's hoody and yanked it down.

"What the fuck Dad!"

"HANK!"

"This…" he angrily swatted the sides open revealing his scars, "This this is fucking fine?!"

They looked even worse in the light of the bullpen. The dim light of the warehouse didn't show the contrast between the white skin and the dark pink scars.

Trudy, having the worst timing, came up the steps just then, saw the scars on Jay's torso and gasped. Jay froze when he saw the tears in her eyes. The stoic mask he almost got into place crumbled.

Instantly Will's eyes filled with tears as he took a step towards his brother, "Jay…"

He ignored everyone and stood there with his hoody wide open, his body more than likely contradicting his words, "I can do this Dad…I'm okay…I can still do it…I have the in."

Voight, who had just stormed to his office, came back and gets in Jay's face again.

"You think you can do this? I gotta worry about you being reckless, not caring if you get killed!?"

"Hank!"

"Dad! No! That was…"

He poked his sons bare chest. He is so terrified right now and it's coming out as anger, but dear God he can't help it. He made angry, border line violent, air quotes, "'Glad he didn't pull the trigger, man!' Glad you didn't pull the trigger? Are you suicidal? Is that were we are Jay?"

Trudy is at a loss, only hearing half the words, eyes riveted to her godson's body. Everyone else listened not wanting to interrupt. They could see Hank's point but if Jay was in that fragile of a state, yelling at him was probably not the best thing to do, but they let Al handle it.

"HANK!"

He shrugged off Al's hand.

Will was finally able to take his eyes off his brother and looks pleadingly at his dad for answers, "Dad?"

Hank briefly glanced at his oldest son then looked back at the one who was currently breaking his heart, "Goddammit!" He shook his head, "Go the fuck home!" Then went in his office and slammed the door.

His heart breaking for his godson, Al sighed, not feeling as calm as he looked. Everyone else was frozen in place, stuck in the quicksand of Voight's anger.

Jay fumbled with the zipper of the hoody. His hands were shaking and he's unable to zip it. Giving up, he holds it closed in a tight fist. He looked around the bullpen. Everyone was quiet, staring at him. No one had really known the extent of his injuries before the meet. They saw a brace and bruises on his face when he first got home. An IED was bad enough but now…

Standing up as straight as possible, Jay took a couple of steps after his dad but stopped and grabbed a desk when his knee buckled. The movement brought his dad back out of his office.

"Dad! DAD! Please…" He tried hard to keep it together, to not sound desperate, "…just listen, please."

Banishing a wince, he took a calming breath so he could plead his case, convince his dad of the truth.

"Dad…" Goddammit! His voice sounded so broken, it pissed him off, "Dad, I wasn't…I'm not suicidal…"

He glanced at Trudy and Will, wishing they weren't there. His dad stared pain filled daggers at him, then leaned against the wall, an invitation to continue, but when he crossed his arms over his chest the message is loud and clear, 'but I'm not going to believe a word you say.' Jay could see that, understood it. He already lied to his dad once, he probably thought he was going to lie again.

Looking around the bullpen, he realized no one was going anywhere, so he laid it out for all of them, not like he had a choice.

He blew out a breath then licked his lips, keeping his eyes on his dad, "When they found me…" Shit. He tilted his head back and blew out another breath. He wanted so desperately to cross his arms against his chest, hide his trembling hands in his pits.

"Woody was with them, the unit, didn't know that until today…didn't know he was there when they found me."

He cleared his throat, "I'm not suicidal dad…I grabbed a gun…I was in pain… they dru…I was drugged out of my gourd on something that made…something that makes pain worse…"

He saw his dad flinch at that and his heart seized. He didn't want anyone to know any of that, but he needed them to understand it was the drug.

It took all his power not to look at Will…he could see Trudy out the corner of his eye, could see the tears on her cheeks, that was bad enough.

"I don't know who's gun, but I fought my guys and grabbed it…I thought it was them, I wasn't going to let them do it anymore, I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction…I…I was in pain…"

He swallowed and glanced around the room, not really meeting anyones eyes, he squeezed his hands into fists then released them trying to relax.

"Mouse was there…he talked me down…I recognized him long enough for him to get the gun…that's all I know…I'm not suicidal."

He pursed his lips when his dad didn't respond and let his chin hit his chest, he's so, so tired…

They all heard how dejected he sounded, "If you don't believe me, ask Mouse…he knows everything…everything after…"

Inside Hank was screaming for his son, screaming at his own failure to protect him, screaming at what he saw in Jay's eyes that he had missed before, fear, despair…shame. Those bastards put something in his son's heart that shouldn't be there. As Jay's father, his fear was what they had removed from it, what did they take from his son.

Jay needed to know that he didn't get to lie to him and minimize his pain when he was here to help him through it. He refused to let his kid suffer alone, and he refused to let him get hurt anymore.

It took everything in his power to not grab Jay and never let go, but he couldn't do that, not yet. He had to keep channeling his fear into anger. He needed to make his kid see he was important, he was loved. He couldn't let Jay do this. He wouldn't stand for it. He wouldn't let him be hurt again, not on his watch.

He was pulling the plug on the UC.

"No. You're out. Go home"

Jay's head snapped up and he looked at his dad with pleading eyes. Please dad…I need this…please.

His dad continued to stare at him. Not giving him an inch.

All the air left his body. It crushed him that he was being sent away. He tried not to let it show to the team but he wasn't able to pull it off. He took a breath, keeping the weight off his left leg for a moment, it was sore and he hoped he didn't mess it up when he passed out in the warehouse. He took a step, struggling to keep his balance, but Al grabbed his arm until he was steady.

He gave one last look around the bullpen. He saw Will and Trudy's faces and had to look away, knowing the pain he's caused them. He couldn't look at his dad, so he limped by him, out the back hallway and left the precinct through the roll-up, not wanting to face anyone else that might have heard his dad laying into him, which was pretty much the city of Chicago.

He rested a few minutes in the roll-up, trying to calm his heartbeat and slow his breathing. He got his damn hoody zipped up and left when his eyes filled with tears, knowing he'd lose it if he stayed a moment longer. He made a temporary decision and limped down to the coffee shop, the one too hip for the cops of the 21st. He sat at the table with his coffee while he figured out what to do and realized that he hadn't given them the info James had texted to Woody. He sighed and decided texting Al might be his best bet.

Meet's tomorrow 8 Iron Fields K building.

Got it. You okay kid?

He put his phone away and didn't bother answering the question. He sat there another half hour and realized that he didn't know which 'home' his dad was talking about; UC apartment or 'home' home. He ordered an Uber and headed to his UC apartment. He was in if his dad was.

XXXXXXX

Will was shocked. With tears in his eyes he asked the question, "Dad?"

Hank realized Will, and for that matter Trudy, only had part of the story. The question had a 100 different versions of the same answer. The two on the opposite side of the shit spectrum, 'It wasn't an IED, your brother was tortured,' or 'He's fine Will.'

The look on Jay's face when he left, showed him that he had probably just caused Jay more pain than those terrorists. He saw his son's heart shatter with those five words, 'No. You're out. Go home' and it wasn't until then that he got how important this was to Jay.

This was Jay still fighting for his country in the only way he could now, bringing these assholes down and protecting 'his guys,' Mouse, all those still fighting, by stopping the theft of the very things that kept them safe and alive.

For probably the first time in his life he didn't know what to do. There was a fork in the road and he had to send Jay down one side or the other. Both prongs led to hurt for his boy. If he said no, the Jay he knew and loved would be gone; he would see it as a perceived failure in protecting his country. A rock too big to carry. If he said yes, he was risking his son's life. Goddammit. Risk his son's life or risk his son's life.

He never should have agreed to this shitshow in the first place. He put Jay on this path even though his gut told him not to. Not knowing the goddamn answer, he walked in his office leaving the door open. Leaving it up to Will and Trudy if they wanted to hear the rest of the awful truth.

Al gave it a moment then addressed the team, "Dig deeper into James, associates, LKA, jobs everything."

Once he's given them their marching orders, he went in to calm Hank down, Trudy right behind him and Will…Will still hadn't moved, trying to unsee his brothers injuries, trying to un-hear what he heard, trying to find a way to convince himself that it was an IED that almost killed his brother and not terrorists.

XXXXXXX

Thanks for reading! Stay safe out there!