The blood poured down her body, mixed with the hot water and dyed the whole ground under her feet deep red. It took forever to fade into a soft pink, and it would take even longer to vanish completely. Not all of this was her blood, but the thought of what happened both in the game and shortly before didn't make it any better.
Oh, if only the pain wasn't that strong! She could barely walk, couldn't set one foot in front of another. It was a miracle that she managed to survive tonight's game, even though it had only been a Three of Diamonds. But at least she had been able to ignore the pain between her legs for the duration of the game. That wasn't possible any longer.
"Sonja! Are you okay?" Mosu knocked against the door, and the handle moved up and down several times but wouldn't budge because it was locked. She didn't want to see anyone right now. Not Mosu, not Tatta… definitely not Niragi.
How could she? How could she be okay, after everything that happened today? Sonja had never wanted to join this 'Beach' in the first place. There had been a very bad feeling in her gut from the start, but Mosu wouldn't listen. "Everything will be fine", he had told her on their way to Hatter. "We'll be safe here."
She was so incredibly mad, at anyone. At Niragi, at Mosu, at God… at herself. Why had they followed him and that other guy? She should've had run as soon as it became obvious that they were walking away from the private rooms. But it was always so easy to talk about what would've been right afterwards…
"I'm still taking a shower", she shouted back, trying to make her voice sound as solid as possible although it wasn't what she felt at all. Her legs were shaking and gave away under her weight, causing her body to slide down to the ground while Sonja held on to the cold tiles next to her. Everything hurt. Everything was unfair. It would have been better if tonight's game had killed her.
God, why have you done this to me? Why did you make me suffer so much – what have I done to anger you? Her trembling fingers embraced the tiny silver cross hanging around her neck. She had used to wear it only during the games, but maybe it was time to leave it on. She'd need help from God if she wanted to endure this.
The water ran down her face and took all the tears with them. It was a miracle that she still had tears to shed, after so many hours of crying. Would they ever stop?
Sonja moved the bathing sponge over her body as careful as possible. Over her arms, covered in blue bruises, over her breasts, sore and irritated from Niragi's bites, but when she arrived at her legs, she paused. The memories were still too fresh, still too painful. But she had to wash away every bit of it in case she ever wanted those wounds to heal. Biting her tongue until she tasted blood and trying to muffle the sobs that escaped her chests, Sonja tried to clean all the remains of that gruesome man. All the blood and other… traces he had left.
She still felt his weight too heavy on her body, still felt the pain on her arms as they were being held in place. She could still feel his breath on her skin, hear the sounds he made while ravishing her. It was not fair – she had never been one of those throwing a stone at him or beating him! All of this had been Takagi's fault, not hers. It had happened in a time long before she even met any of them, so why did she have to suffer? Wasn't being sent into the Borderlands punishment enough for her sins?
Almost another thirty minutes passed before she Sonja felt able to leave the shower. She did not dare to look into the mirror, was too frightened at the image she would see. No way she could bear seeing all those wounds and scratches. All she wanted was to forget.
And yet the Beach would force her to wear bathing clothes all the time. Things like jackets and tunics were allowed, but still… people would see her body. People would know what had happened. And Niragi would see her, too. No one could ensure her that such an encounter wouldn't happen again. No one would hinder Niragi from coming back to her.
Sonja wrapped the towel around her body tightly and sat down on the closed toilet lid. This place should be an Utopia, but in less than a day, it had become her personal hell. A hell that she couldn't leave, because she wasn't ready to face death yet. And committing suicide, no matter if here inside her room or in a game, would only fuel God's rage even more. No, she had to endure this – it was her own trial, and only God knew what plan stood behind it.
"I thought you'd never get out", whispered Mosu when she finally opened the bathroom door. Mosu sat on one side of the bed, and he looked even worse with all those wounds and bandages around his body. An, who seemed to be some kind of medic for the Beach, had taken care of his wrist and had assured him that it had good chances to heal just fine if only given enough time and proper treatment. All the other wounds were nothing but cuts and lacerations, painful but easy to heal.
Taking one careful step after another, Sonja tried to ignore the ache whenever her thighs rubbed against each other. The way to the bed wasn't that long luckily, and she dropped herself onto the mattress. Not the most comfortable, but still better than the saggy bed they had used in their former shelter. And still she wished to return there immediately if only it meant that she could leave all this behind.
"I… needed some time." She didn't dare to look at Mosu, didn't want to see the guilt in his eyes. Of course he felt guilty. Sonja could say that she didn't blame him, but that would have been a lie. She did blame him, for so many things.
If Mosu hadn't bullied Niragi back in their childhood days, he would have never given birth to such a deep hate. If Mosu hadn't found her in the Borderlands, if he hadn't taken her to the Beach, if only he had been stronger and able to do something… So many ifs. There was no use for any of them.
Mosu didn't apologize. He had done this already hundreds of times, and it didn't mean anything. It wouldn't help her wounds to heal, and it wouldn't change anything that had happened. Sonja wrapped herself into the blanket and faced the window. She couldn't see much in the darkness outside other than a few lone stars already lingering in the otherwise cloudless sky. Those stars were the only ones she allowed to witness her tears.
Listen, I…" Mosu shifted next to her, and Sonja could hear the despair in his voice. She didn't want to hear it. "I will find a way to make him pay. For what he has done to you… and me."
Sonja shrugged her shoulders and her voice was muffled by the pillow she had pressed against her face. "You have done enough already."
A hesitant hand suddenly touched her shoulder, and hot and cold shivers ran down her spine immediately. Sonja flung around the pillow and it collided with Mosu's face, eliciting a pained cry from the man but at least keeping him away. "Don't. Don't touch me", she hissed through clenched teeth.
One last apology was murmured by Mosu, and just like all the others before, it meant nothing. He didn't try to talk more, and soon he fell asleep, restless and probably filled with bad dreams. But Sonja couldn't close her eyes without seeing Niragi's grin, not without feeling his tongue move all over her body. All of it had been so disgusting, and she felt repulsed even by her own body now that this monster had touched it everywhere.
When she had joined Mosu, he had been supposed to protect her. Lost in a cruel parallel world, Sonja had put all her trust into the one man she had known from her former life, and now even this man had failed her. It seemed that the only way to face this was on her own, which really was a heavy trial, but God moved in mysterious ways…
Sonja had barely closed her eyes when heavy knocks on the door caused her to jump into an upright position. The stars had vanished and the sky was already painted a pale blue, but she didn't feel like she had slept at all. With her current state of exhaustion, she could sleep for weeks or maybe months more before she even wanted to consider waking up.
But the knocking kept on, and Mosu next to her was waking up as well with groans of protest.
"Who is it?" she called towards the door, blood already running cold with a bad sense of foreboding. That monster didn't even leave her a full day to recover.
The door opened, but it wasn't Niragi who entered. It were three other people, faces Sonja hadn't seen before. One of them a woman with long black hair and a wicked grin on her face, one blonde and tall guy whose hair was definitely dyed who wore a Hawaiian shirt and the last one… he definitely looked like a creep. Hood of a sleeveless jacket drawn deep into his face that, just like the rest of his body, was covered in weird tattoos, and – was that a katana on his back!?
All of them entered the room, not even paying any attention to her but instead charging for Mosu and grabbing his arms. Mosu screamed out in pain when the guy with the short blonde hair touched his wrist, and Sonja clawed her fingers into the blanket and retreated to the corner behind her, using the fabric to cover most of her body.
"What are you doing here?" Mosu shouted at them, anger written on his face but also fear. Niragi wasn't with the visitors, but Sonja wouldn't have been surprised if he was involved in whatever was happening here. She swallowed hard and forced her arms to stop trembling. Maybe, if she managed to stay as quiet as possible, they would forget about her presence and leave her alone…
The woman with the disturbed grin jumped onto the bed and laughed like a maniac while she lifted Mosu's pillow. Claw-like fingers reached for something under it, and Sonja narrowed her eyes while she tried to make out what it was. A playing card.
A rattling laughter came from the blonde. "So he was right, huh. We actually have a traitor here." He pulled back Mosu's head, forcing him to stare at the card as well. Mosu seemed startled and had no idea what was happening, but Sonja did.
Neither one of them had taken the card in yesterday's game. It had gone straight to the Executive accompanying them, so Mosu hadn't even been giving a chance to steal the card for himself. And why should he? Hatter had told them clearly enough what would happen to those who tried to keep them. On top of that, this card was a Five of Hearts. Even before the Beach, they had never played such a game. This was sabotage. And it was so painfully obvious who had arranged it!
Sonja held the cold crucifix against her lips and silently started to pray. There had to be a way to make clear that this was nothing but a mistake, that Mosu would never try and steal something that didn't belong to him. But she couldn't move, she couldn't talk, all she could do was watch. Maybe Mosu had felt the same while he had been forced to watch her being raped by Niragi – helpless, full with anger and rage but not able to express it in any possible way.
"What?" Mosu finally understood what was going on and threw his head around in panic. "No! That's not… I would never do that! I don't know how this got here, but I didn't… Sonja, you have to tell them!"
She flinched at the sound of her name and cursed Mosu for turning the attention towards her. All eyes focused on her now, and she didn't dare to look into a single one of them. So she kept them glued to the ground instead while her lips were not able to move, even though she wanted to tell them everything. They probably knew already that this was nothing but a farce, and her words wouldn't change anything. And yet she was a coward for keeping silent.
"Sonja… Sonja!" Mosu struggled against the arms holding him in place, but he couldn't do anything with a katana pointed to his throat. The tattooed guy didn't even say something. He just stood there and pointed his sharp blade at Mosu, his grin just as wicked as his other companions. Everyone here had gone mad. Every single one.
"Well, well, why the screaming?"
Another voice reached her ear, and only the sound of it made Sonja whimper. She squeezed even harder into the corner when Niragi entered the room, his tongue and that disgusting piercing stuck out and his rifle over the shoulder. He looked like the devil himself, and Sonja suddenly became very aware of every single wound she carried on her body because of him.
Hatter accompanied him, tired and not really interested in whatever was happening here. "Found anything interesting, Saiko?"
Said woman handed him the playing card and continued to grin like a weasel. At least she was aware of this sabotage.
The Beach's leader sighed and massaged his scalp with two fingers. "Takagi, you disappoint me. Didn't I allow you to enter my Utopia just yesterday? And this is how you thank me?" He shook his head and in that moment, Sonja caught Niragi's glance towards her. He winked and stuck out his tongue, waving it as a reminder of what he had done with it yesterday, causing Sonja to almost throw up.
"Hatter, if you allow it…" Niragi stepped forward and replaced the tattooed guy, now pointing his rifle against Takagi's throat instead of a katana, "let me handle this. You have enough to do already, so why not return to your ladies while we take care of this… traitor here?"
To her absolute horror, Hatter nodded and agreed to this offer. Sonja knew that it wouldn't result in anything good, for both of them, and for a second she wondered if it would be enough to end this if she jumped out of the window now. But it would take her too long to open it, and it would still count as suicide… That was when she felt all eyes rest on her again.
"And what happens to her?" Hatter pointed his chin towards her, completely ignoring Mosu's pleading and begging and shouting that he was innocent.
Niragi hummed and pressed his rifle deeper into Mosu's skin. "As far as I know, she was not involved in this. But I can keep an eye on her, if you wish, to see how loyal she really is to the Beach."
Hatter exhaled one last sigh that sounded nothing but tired and turned around. "Do whatever you want", he concluded with a wave of his back hand, "but make sure to clean up the mess afterwards."
Eyes wide with shock, Sonja watched as their leader disappeared, leaving her alone with all those wicked monsters. Wasn't Hatter responsible for their wellbeing? Shouldn't he investigate further and make sure that this was justified, or was he maybe too afraid to find out about the sabotage? Didn't he care at all?
"What are we going to do with you now", Niragi murmured as soon as Hatter was gone. He dropped the rifle but told the blonde guy to keep his grip tight, and it remembered Sonja at the painful way this other monster, Rev, had held her yesterday.
Mosu tried to spit, but he didn't aim right and a thread of drool only ran down his chin. The fear in his eyes resembled a stray dog, helpless and wild but knowing just fine that there was no way out. Both of them wouldn't get out of this unharmed.
Sonja checked the room to see if there was a way for her to sneak out, but the wicked woman's eyes always moved to her whenever she dared to move the slightest bit. No, they wouldn't let her run away.
She didn't want to watch what Niragi was going to do with Mosu, so she pulled the blanket up her face even though it only allowed her to breathe shallow. The sounds were enough already – huffs and groans while Mosu was being beaten up again, bubbling coughs and muttered curses.
In the darkness of her blanket, Sonja tried to tell herself that this wasn't real. That no one could see her just like she could see no one around her, that those noises weren't real. That they had nothing to do with her. But way too soon, the darkness was being ripped away from her and she couldn't keep in a high scream when that tattooed guy suddenly stood over her, the blanket pierced by his katana as he carelessly threw it aside. "You'll want to see this", he laughed with a voice that didn't fit his appearance at all.
Even though she didn't want to, Sonja moved her eyes towards Mosu and clutched her hands in front of her mouth the moment she saw him. Mosu was down on his knees, covered in blood from head to toe. His chest moved up and down quickly, but his hands hung down at his sides, unable to move.
"Leave him alone… please…" She begged, knowing that there would be no use to it, and regretted it the moment Niragi tilted his head to face her. His teeth played with the piercing in his tongue and his eyes were brimming with the wild grin on his lips. Blood covered his own hands, but Sonja doubted that any of it was his own.
"You know I can't do that, little sunflower."
No one else had ever called her like that, and Sonja didn't even know where Niragi had taken that weird nickname for her. But she hated it, despised it more than anything, as she didn't like when he talked to her at all. "Of course you can. You can forgive him – he has suffered enough already…"
Niragi hummed, as if he was honestly considering her request. But then he just laughed, a cold and rattling sound that caused Sonja's blood to freeze. "Not enough for me. Not enough! Hah!"
With dangerously calm fingers, Niragi lifted Mosu's head and caused the other man to moan in pain. "No, you'll suffer just a little bit more for me. Do you hear me, Takagi?"
Sonja witnessed how he reached into the pocket of his jeans and took out a gas lighter. She had no clue what Niragi was up to with that, but Takagi's eyes widened at the sight of it. Nothing of this would have ever happened it Takagi hadn't been such a monster himself in his early years, and there was still so much Sonja didn't know… didn't want to know…
Niragi lighted the device in his hands and moved the flame close to Mosu's eyes. "You remember this, right? Believe me, Takagi – I still smell the burnt hair whenever I see it. Do you smell it, too? Do you ever have to think about those days?"
Mosu shook his head, but Sonja couldn't tell if it was an actual answer or just a pleading to leave him alone. The flame moved closer to his skin, too close – and then Mosu cried out and the stench of burnt hair and flesh filled the room. It was so bad that Sonja reached for the blanket to cover her nose, only to remember that the tattooed guy had taken it away from her. She turned away her eyes, but a tattooed hand forced her head to move, and even if she closed her eyes, the image would haunt her mind. What Niragi was doing was nothing but torture. He burnt Mosu's face, burnt his tongue, singed his hair. Broke several of his fingers, until Mosu was about to feint from exhaustion and pain, begging to be killed already. Sonja prayed to god that this would finally end, because even death would be better than this.
"Please…" she didn't know who she was talking to, but Niragi seemed to hear her. He was so excited about all this, so pleased with the suffering inside the room, that he couldn't be something other than a demon straight out of hell. Leaving his rifle next to the bed, Niragi strolled towards her, adjusting his hair that was sticky with sweat and blood.
"What are you begging for, hmm? Tell me! I'm sure we can do something to help you." He knelt down in front of her and grinned into her face while his hand moved over her cheek, way too close with his own tongue. Sonja almost waited for him to lick away her tears, but he didn't do it – for now.
She pressed her back against the wall, trembling too much to talk at first. "End… end this already…" No one deserved such torture. Definitely not Mosu, because even if he had done bad things in his life, he had regretted all of them. He had changed into a better person long before the Borderlands.
Niragi laughed and licked away a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth. A few strands of black hair had fallen back into his face and were now glued to his skin. He smelled like sweat and metal, a mix that caused Sonja to retch. "You want this to end, yes? Well, that's something we can do!"
He reached for her hands, and of course she didn't move. Not that Niragi seemed bothered by it, because he simply grabbed her arms and pulled her back onto her feet, only to drag her towards Mosu. Sonja didn't know what would happen now, and she was scared. She didn't want to be tortured, didn't want to endure so much pain. She couldn't do that.
Luckily for her, Niragi didn't seem to have torture in mind for her. Instead, he placed her in front of Mosu, and Sonja sobbed as she looked down at the man who had been her closest companion during the last days. Mosu lifted his eyes towards hers as well, but his soul had already gone far, far away. Those were nothing but hollow shells staring up to her.
Something cold touched her hand, and Sonja jolted around to find Niragi's rifle next to her. With a monstrous grin, he forced her clenched fingers apart and put the weapon in between.
"No. No, no, no. Oh God, no!" How cruel it was that she seemed to understand Niragi without a word, that she immediately knew what he was up to. She wanted this to end, but not like this! There was already blood on her hands, blood of innocent people who had to die because she wanted to live. God might forgive her the murders that had happened inside games, but would he forgive her that?
"Oh, yes. I know you can do it." Niragi's mouth was now close to her ear, so close that she could feel his breaths on her skin. His hands covered hers, guiding her, showing her how to hold that weapon correctly. Sonja tried to back away, pleaded for him to stop this, but the monster wouldn't listen. He was stronger than her, and his hands kept her fingers in place. "Come on, sweetheart. Pull the trigger. End this."
Sonja closed her eyes and prayed, begged God to help her, to give her a way out of this. But Niragi mercilessly held her in place, forced her hands to obey his will. It was his finger that moved, but Sonja's hands still held the weapon when the shot was fired. It was a clear shot, aimed directly at Mosu's head, and his limp body fell back onto the carpet with a loud thud. Sonja screamed, muffling the sound with her hands but trembling so much that it was no use. The recoil of the shot still hurt her arm, although it was just another pain piling onto the other wounds of hers that she barely recognized anymore. There was just one pain she cared for right now, and it was the knowledge that the last thing Mosu had seen was her, aiming the rifle at him. No matter that she had been forced to – her own hands had just murdered the one person that had been good to her in this wicked world.
Sonja fell to her knees and scrambled towards Mosu, whose blood was already staining huge parts of the carpet around him. Niragi's laughter echoed in her back, cold and freaked out. Others joined in, and it was too much. Everything was too much.
She tried to scream so loud to drown the sounds around her, but they wouldn't stop. It only made them increase in volume, and Sonja felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't dare to turn around, but Niragi spoke loud enough for her to understand anyway. "Well done, little sunflower. I'm proud of you! Do as Hatter said and clean up this mess for us, will you?" He bent down and kissed the side of her cheek, a move so bizarre that Sonja didn't even manage to move away quickly enough, and then he left without another word.
Only seconds later, there was no one else inside except Sonja, and what had been left of Mosu. No matter where she went, no matter where she looked, his empty eyes would follow her everywhere. They wouldn't stop blaming her for not speaking up when she should have had, blaming her for pulling the trigger. She tried to tell herself that she didn't do it. But in the end, who could deny that her hands had been holding the weapon that killed him?