Early January 2020
"Never again." Cosima is throwing clothes back into their suitcases on the bed.
"Cosima…" Delphine wonders how to comfort Cosima this time. The New Years party had not gone as well, or as smoothly as she'd hoped. Certainly five years of marriage was enough for her parents to start to be at ease with her marriage.
"We are not doing Christmas in France, again. Ever!" Cosima is firm on this. "Yes, it's beautiful. Yes… your family behaved themselves. Yes, you took me to a variety of scenic and romantic destinations. But let's face it, I'm not the son-in-law they imagined. And if I put on a suit, I think I make it worse honestly." She cannot help laughing at this last part.
"I think they imagined me being single forever." Delphine counters. "But yes, it was an awkward party."
" Cosima… Elle est...euhh.. elle est la...femme de Delphine ." Cosima mimics her mother-in-law's awkward introduction.
"It was not that bad." Delphine argues. "She is getting better, Cosima. Time is helping."
Cosima shakes her head. "It was that bad! I swear I am this close to 'accidentally' forgetting a dildo under the bed when we leave."
"We didn't bring a dildo." Delphine points out, folding her clothes for travel. It hadn't been necessary. Occasionally, they would use them, yes. But it wasn't essential. Particularly for travel.
"No, I know… we aren't really toy lesbians… But the point is the same. Maybe I could buy a cheap one… with like balls and just like … leave it under the bed." Cosima tosses out wildly.
"Cosima…"
"I am serious. I can just imagine the look on your mother's face when the housekeeper finds it and awkwardly presents it to her! Then when she calls I can say, oh thanks you found my d-"
Delphine cuts her off quickly. "My family is well aware we are having sex. We are married."
"Maybe they could use a reminder." Cosima mumbles.
"Hey… Look at me." Delphine stops packing long enough to grab at her hands. "It doesn't matter what my parents think. They are getting better with it, but they do not get a say. We are together. We are married. My brother and his… girlfriend are… well, easier to take."
"And less embarrassing clearly. Oh don't mind me, I'm just Delphine's American wife."
"Cosima…" Truth is, Delphine is still not sure which fazes her family more. The fact that Cosima is an American or that she is a woman. And maybe it doesn't matter. It wouldn't change anything.
"Maybe if I spoke French it would be better." Cosima seems to understand that much. Her French was...rough, at best. Which didn't ease the awkwardness at all.
"Your… cheekiness doesn't always translate well, mon amour."
"I know… but you like it."
"I do." Delphine sighs, closing her eyes. "We have no time. We have a plane to catch."
"And then when we get home...relaxation?"
"Sort of… I… am working on getting our… small science project started."
"You mean the baby thing?"
"Yes." Delphine nods quickly.
"OK." Cosima looks over at her wife. "I get it. We have to make embryos before your ova get older. But we're freezing the embryos until I am done my PhD. Seriously."
"Thank you." Delphine smiles at her. "But we are going to start with…euh… your contribution."
"Don't thank me yet. Just… promise me I'll get the good painkillers."
"Of course." Delphine smiles. "I've already started looking into finding a doctor to harvest you. It won't take long for that. Siobhan's old friend maybe? Maybe someone else?"
"It sounds really romantic when you put it that way." Cosima jokes. She closes her bright red suitcase, and begins digging around for the lock.
"I am afraid it will not be romantic, mon amour." Delphine reaches out to stroke her face. "It will be difficult. I want to extract the marrow first, then… then we will work on me."
"You've started?"
"I have found a doctor to prescribe femara, it's a fertility drug." Delphine acknowledges. It had only taken a few phone calls. Though she'd have to go for blood tests immediately to check hormone levels before they begin. "It will hyperstimulate my ovaries, we'll have to inject it at home. And then… when my ova are ...ready, we can have them extracted."
"And because you're 34…." Cosima looks over at her wife.
"I want it done quickly. Yes." Delphine nods at her. "Our chances of getting a baby out of all this are a lot higher now than they will be even four or five years from now."
"And if it doesn't work?" Cosima wonders aloud. Not censoring at all.
"Then… we look at alternatives." Delphine nods, that is a possibility they must both accept. That no matter what they do, this may not work. "We can keep some marrow frozen, and try a second round… Or we can give up."
"I don't think you like the sound of the latter one."
"I don't but…even IVF is no guarantee we'll have a baby." Delphine pulls Cosima in.
"Wouldn't our chances be higher if we went the donor sperm route?" Cosima points it out, but her tone sounds soft. She isn't going to push for it, Delphine realizes.
"They might be. But… I need to try to have this with you." Delphine pulls Cosima into her arms, she kisses her wife twice, slowly. "It has to be with you."
"It might be a healthier baby if we do."
"Maybe. But… we can control a lot before implantation happens. We can avoid genetic defects, disorders…"
"My infertility sequence… oh… and the encoded brand that tells everyone I am restricted intellectual property." Cosima sighs.
"Yes… But we won't do that to our child." Delphine is quick to assure her. "She will not be property."
"You know, XX chromosomes don't always mean girl…" Cosima draws the words out slowly, ending with a shrug.
"I know… but the most likely scenario is that the child will be a girl." Delphine adjusts her mindset slightly. Cosima does make a good point. That is a possibility, but not one she really feels is important to making the baby.
"OK."
They go out for one last walk before their flight, she clutches Delphine's hand in her own. And wonders… why not? Maybe it was time to be brave. Give this all a try.
"What are you thinking about?" Delphine asks her, while admiring the architecture of home.
"What our child might be like… what kind of parents we'll be. I mean, you'll probably be amazing and have the tiny tot just like… chilling with us and not crying at night in minutes. I'll be… clueless probably. I never even babysat any kid under 5. And that was on purpose!"
"Hah… Cosima… babies will cry at night. They need to eat. There's nothing that can be done about that."
"I guess not… I just… I don't know when I'll feel ready to be a mom. Or… if." There's got to be books on this. Something that could help. Or therapy. Or ...something.
"I know." Delphine nods. "But when babies get older… you do enjoy children. Babies are a brief phase."
"Yeah… I just… I wonder what will happen if this all works… like five years from now we have this baby who like depends on us for everything and… is like semi-permanently attached to your boob. A boob-gremlin." Cosima quips, trying to imbue more humour into the situation.
Delphine smiles and laughs at the thought. "Yes… that is the idea."
"It'll just be so… different." Cosima wrinkles her nose. "And like, no more sleeping in.. not for the both of us…"
"Maybe not." Delphine concedes. "But when we are both ready… I think it'll be… just another part of the adventure. You, me and our child."
Cosima tries to picture a child, a mini-Delphine. Or a baby who looks like both of them. Wonders if the kid will be like her. Or talk like her.
"It's not now though… we're just starting for later."
"Exactly. Higher chances of successful pregnancy when you work with younger ova."
"So it makes the most sense." Cosima concurs. She can make this logical choice, and work out her baby-feelings later. Whether it was selfishness… or jealousy at how much Delphine would have to give of herself to a child.
"We will do well. I know we can." Delphine wraps an arm around her. "It will be, perfect, mon amour. I promise you. When we finally do… take that leap. It will feel perfect."
Cosima wonders if Delphine is right. If some great… breeding instinct will fall over her. Or if she'll just fall in love with a baby because they look like Delphine or have her silly ears, or her eyes… or her feet.