March 13th 2020
Her exhaustion hadn't stopped since they got home. Delphine had poured over the initial results and was waiting on the more extensive genetic testing. The blastocysts are frozen and numbered, and currently in cryo-tank somewhere in transit between here and the one Canadian importer she could sway to import them. Paying the required fees, of course.
"How are you feeling?" Cosima asks Delphine. Since they'd returned home several days ago Cosima had been treating her with great caution. She hadn't even tried to seduce her, which Delphine finds a little surprising now that the extraction is done. But maybe she's still off somehow.
"Exhausted."
"Well.. you did produce 20 eggs on a whack of hormones." Cosima reminds her. "Less than four days ago. And then you pushed through because you wanted to make sure my pseudo-sperm were working. You're still recovering."
"But we only made 10 embryos. And only six of them look...good." Delphine mumbles from her cocoon in the bed. That information had been released fairly quickly. Embryos are graded, and the four less good looking ones, while still frozen, may not end up being usable at all. She'd hoped for more, for better. Wanted to have a wide variety of embryos to assess and choose from. But she will have to make do.
"And we are still waiting for genetic testing results. Yep." Cosima nods. "It should be in soon though, and until then, they're all safely frozen. You know, we only need one good one."
"I know." Delphine rolls over, pulling the blankets up to her chin. "But it could take several transfers before we have success… or we may not have success at all." That was a possibility she'd been fixating on, running through scenarios where six or seven attempted transfers fail and they have no more embryos. And who knows how close to 40 she'll be then?
"This is officially like the least sexy way to make babies ever." Cosima sits next to her on the bed. "Just so you know. Would not recommend."
Delphine snorts. "I'd still rather make them with you." She cannot think of anything more true that that response. She'd easily trade the process of copulating for this, if it meant having babies with Cosima.
"Noted." Cosima smiles at that. No doubt her wife suspects if Delphine hadn't fallen in love with her, making a baby would have been an easy bedroom endeavour… if Delphine had wanted it at all. She's not sure she would have, but keeps that tidbit to herself. For now.
"We only need one perfect embryo." Delphine sighs. "Just one. I need to remind myself of that. 10 should be plenty. And… the four… grade B may be fine."
"If it implants and goes to term… that's why so many. We need backups. We should keep the B ones, at least until we're satisfied we don't need them. And they may be genetically normal." Cosima points out. Delphine knows that Cosima wasn't set on thinking of the embryos as babies. But … they were definitely the product of a lot of effort. And they were… hers and Cosima's. There was more of an emotional attachment to them, even as blastocysts, than she'd anticipated.
"We'll probably have a few… eh… duds." Delphine winces. "We can sort through them once they arrive and the results come in."
They reluctantly get out of their bed and wander into the living room. She puts on the electric kettle for Cosima's tea, a familiar gesture met with a smile. And begins trying to figure out what to have for breakfast. They do need to get up. And she needs to return to lecturing. She'd let her TA take over for nearly two weeks and that was likely more than she really trusted the young man to handle properly. He was only a Master's student after all.
"Yeah…" Cosima nods but flicks on the news. "Man this coronavirus thing is heating up. It looks nasty… and… wow. They're… they're closing schools."
Delphine lifts her head to listen. "Oh. This… this is not good Cosima. They say, flatten the curve… but two weeks… unless they stop all airline travel and really...close down… this… this will not be just two weeks." Her mind spins with the information, a new virus she'd barely heard of, quarantine, respiratory symptoms and patients clogging up ICUs in Italy to the point they must pick and choose which patients get ventilators.
"No. It doesn't sound good." She reaches for her wife's hand. "Like… What's going to happen here? Nothing good."
"Likely… something we haven't seen before." Delphine looks at her. "With all the airline travel… people bring it back. It...it will spread here too."
"Great…" Cosima looks at her wife, eyes wide. "And we just flew home."
"We did." Delphine agrees quietly from her place on the couch. "We… we should stay home for two weeks. Not interact with anyone." A sensible precaution, Delphine decides. Just in case they've brought something nasty home with them.
"I was supposed to go see Sarah and Felix." Cosima shakes her head. "I had a board games night scheduled… for next Friday! Like…" Cosima gets up and begins to move rapidly back and forth across the room.
Delphine is quick enough to respond. "Cancel it. Or… make it virtual. Tell them we just flew home a few days ago and want to ensure… that we are not sick." They cannot spread something like this, not if they know it is a possibility. Even if it is a small one. They'd flown directly back to Toronto from California. It had been… one flight, as long as it was.
"OK." Cosima nods, burying her head in her hands. "How long will this go on, you think? You're an immunologist. Like anyone saying this will just be two weeks is nuts right? Suppressing the curve means… slowing down population movements, drawing things out so not too many people are infected at a time."
"Months… Years maybe… it depends how well this government manages things…There will be mutation, variants… and I do not have faith in it. They won't shut down travel fast enough. They won't… mitigate the effects as well as they could if they were willing to inconvenience their… wealthiest euh... subsidiaries." Delphine tries to find the right words, and settles on one that seems close enough.
"Subsidiaries? I guess… well you might have a point But… it's not like either of us voted for them. You're only a permanent resident, like me. You haven't gone for citizenship yet." Cosima reminds her.
"I was going to…" Delphine mumbles. "I was going to do it before the next election so I could vote." She looks around their one-bedroom plus den condo and thinks suddenly that maybe she and Cosima should have splurged for a larger place after all. That they should have sprung for a two-bedroom unit. Or a townhouse.
"Right…" Cosima stands up and begins to pace. "So now what…"
"We find...ways to pass the time. I'll go to work, as long as they will let me. We'll… we'll take a walk just the two of us and order takeout instead of our planned date."
"But… we had reservations." Cosima pouts a little, before calming and thinking it out. "Maybe they do pickup? I could drive and go get the food."
"You'll drive?" Delphine worries her lip.
"Yes Delphine, I will drive our overpriced, underused car that you bought last spring." Cosima shakes her head. "I'll avoid unnecessary contact."
"Or we could… UberEats? Stay home entirely?" Delphine throws out. She is already on her phone looking into their options for having groceries delivered when a sound disturbs her from her thoughts.
Cosima's phone vibrates, and Delphine glances quickly. Texts are coming in. From Alison first, and then Sarah… from others.
"I better take this… Maybe a Skype call?" Cosima quickly begins gathering her things. "We're the geek monkeys… and… they expect us to have answers."
"We don't." Delphine sighs. "We… we barely know more than they do."
"Well, we could tell them to… ensure they have adequate supplies. Weird psychology comes out when people get scared." Cosima points out. "Not telling them to hoard but…"
"Alison has more than adequate supplies. You've seen her garage. And her basement storage." Delphine continues watching the news, trying to take in what information she can. She decides to reach out to former colleagues in Europe. Ask what they are seeing, see what this looks like several weeks or months ahead.
"Sarah might not." Cosima tosses out. "I'll suggest it… who knows what weirdness we're going to see. Humans… we're like social animals. People get weird in isolation."
She doesn't say it immediately but she thinks too of Cosima's lungs. Though greatly improved, there is scar tissue and reduced overall capacity. Side effects, Cosima has always said, that she is happy enough to live with. Live being the key word. It's always made her laugh, until now. The image of Cosima in an ICU on a ventilator comes far too easily, and she knows that she must prevent that at all costs.
"It's respiratory." Delphine speaks aloud. "This could pose a problem to you.. And the rest of the Ledas."
"What?" Cosima is halfway through setting up for her group Skype call. "Why… are you saying the clone disease could be some kind of… preexisting condition? Even with the cure? I mean you test us local Ledas fairly regularly… and Scott and I agree, Alison and I are both stable. Krystal won't let us test... but as far as we know, she's OK too."
"I don't know Cosima. No one knows yet. It's just… a possibility. You have… lasting lung damage that could not be repaired. Scarring. Reduced capacity." Delphine thinks she'll need to collect as much information as possible on the remaining European clones. That she suspects she can access. Elsewhere in the world, it could be more difficult to track. But she still has some contacts, and there are Siobhan's old contacts as well as… possibly sourcing information from Cal. If he remains amenable to helping them. She suspects it depends on his current relationship with Sarah.
"But I am alive and functional." Cosima points out. "But… I guess we should be aware of the possibility."
"Go do your Skype call. I'll… I'll reach out to some old colleagues in Europe. Try to get an idea what is… ahead of us." Delphine states this calmly. She strokes her fingers across Cosima's cheek, smiling as her wife leans into her touch.
"OK. I may have to call you in for this one… but I'll… get started anyway."
"You can do this." Delphine tells her. "I… I need more information before I can… dissect it for your sisters."
"OK. Yeah. Totally." Cosima nods, she grabs her laptop and heads into the bedroom. And Delphine sits in quiet for a few minutes. She digs out her own computer and sends out a series of a dozen emails, wondering exactly what will come back. She orders dinner, suspecting that a meal of vegetarian curries and onion bhaji will please Cosima. They need to eat, and at least… try to have some kind of quality time together even if it isn't the spoiling she imagined.
It's 12 minutes before she knocks on the bedroom door. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah…" Cosima nods. "Just letting you guys know, Delphine is here in the background."
"So Donnie and I shouldn't go to Cancun? What if we… rebook for end of April?" Alison throws out. "That is enough to flatten the curve, right?"
"Absolutely not Alison!" Sarah's voice rings out over the Skype call.
"Yeah… uhh everyone cancel all vacations and social gatherings and just stay home… for now." Cosima is calm, but looks back to her for support.
"It would be incredibly unwise to travel." Delphine adds in, still thinking of comorbidities.
"So masks or no masks?" Alison prompts with her next question.
Delphine hesitates thinking. "Right now they are not recommending masks. But that could change… there is a shortage of PPE… so… not medical masks if you choose to wear them."
"Right OK." Alison nods. "Well we have plenty of supplies… are you OK Sarah? Do you need anything?"
"No. No. We're fine." Sarah answers but seems… down.
The call ends without any real answers, for which Delphine feels incredibly guilty. She should know more. She should have stayed up to date on global affairs, should have spoken with her former colleagues… should have the information they need. But she doesn't. At least. Not yet.
"Come on… dinner?" Cosima asks after their Skype call, but she too looks exhausted.
They eat slowly, picking at their food. Delphine can only assume that Cosima's mind is spinning as much as her own. They talk about Covid. About their plans… but nothing feels final. Nothing feels solid underneath her.
"Hey. Why don't you shower? I'm going to clean up." Cosima offers and Delphine takes her up on the suggestion instantly. Trying to reset under the hot spray of the shower. The bathroom was the only room they'd reno'd. Her insistence on a bidet made it necessary, and though Cosima had teased her, she had agreed fairly easily when she'd told her she needed one. Comorbidity. Delphine thinks, the image comes too easily, Cosima in critical care, on a ventilator while she paces hallways or worse… outside the hospital. Memories of a sick Cosima on oxygen, of seizures and worries come far too easily. Maybe the trauma of it all would never fully leave her.
When she emerges wrapped in one of their whitest, fluffiest towels, she's struck by the sight of a very healthy looking Cosima lounging on the bed in her summer pyjamas. She must have her now .
Delphine takes a deep breath. It's been long enough. "Cosima… Come to bed." Whether or not the side effects of the hyperstimulation and ova extraction have faded, it no longer matters. It's been long enough.
"I'm… reading." Cosima tells Delphine, voice tinged with amusement. "And I am on the bed."
"That… is not what I meant, ma chérie."
"Oh!" Cosima looks up, but she knows what she meant. She has to know. This they know well by now. It's well-practiced, just another part of their day-to-day life.
"Come to bed." Delphine asks again, she finishes towelling off and finds that Cosima is smiling at her. It's easy enough to bridge the distance between them. She kisses Cosima, and lets her wife guide her down against the mattress. She looks up at Cosima's face, smiling at her, and feels lucky. Cosima looks more or less the same as when they met, though tendrils of grey have started to wind themselves into dark dreads. She says nothing of them, because she loves it. Loves what it means. That they have had time to age together. If she stopped dying her hair, Delphine thinks for a moment, she'd probably have noticeable greys too.
"Is your belly still sore?" Cosima asks, cautious as she leans in above her.
"A little." Delphine admits. It's nothing she cannot handle. Even if Cosima were to rest her weight against her. She could handle it, it might be worth it to feel Cosima pressed against her. To remind herself that they are alive, and healthy - for now.
"OK. We'll work around it." Cosima tells her. Within minutes her wife is kissing her neck in the way she knows drives her wild.
It still feels so good, Delphine muses, eagerly returning Cosima's amorous attentions. She kisses her lips, her neck, her shoulder before Cosima's moved them front to back.
"Like this?" Cosima asks, even as she's reaching behind her, removing the dusty rose pyjamas and ensuring she has skin against her. Cosima reaches around her body to stimulate her, kissing her neck all the while. It's easy, and perfect - she comes readily, easily and quickly moves to return the pleasure, moving down the bed and crouching between Cosima's legs. She's happily laying suckling kisses against Cosima who whimpers and moans.
It'll be fast, Delphine thinks. But maybe fast is what their bodies can handle right now between stress and exhaustion.
Cosima climaxes under her mouth and hauls her up to kiss deeply. She returns the kiss and waffles on whether or not a round two is required, or if they should sleep. Who knows what tomorrow would bring?
"I love you." Cosima speaks the words insistently, knowing how much she craves hearing them.
"Je t'aime." Delphine responds. She should say it more, she thinks. Should be as demonstrative and vocal about her love as possible.
Cosima moves to switch their positions, she pulls her legs up over her shoulders and makes a show of working towards her already sensitive sex. But she knows Cosima can draw pleasure from her body like water from air.
Delphine shudders at the first touch of Cosima's tongue. It's been too long she thinks, hands gripping dreads as she begins to tell her wife exactly how much she craves her. How much she loves her.