It is morning before Cosima remembers the other part of her conversations. She brings Delphine a steaming mug of tea, looking at her still distressed wife. Delphine had made them both breakfast. She didn't have to go to campus today. So… they had time, clearly.
She'd cried last night. They both had. Her cure didn't prevent this. Couldn't have prevented this. Cannot reverse lung damage. That must slowly regenerate, at best, like Delphine had said. Else, it was permanent.
"Cosima… How are you?"
"Devastated. But… I am dealing. But I want you to let me in on this." Cosima has poured through her spreadsheets, looked at names and cases and deaths. And they're no closer to a solution but they're no longer alone with it either. And something like this, with Delphine. That means everything.
"As long as you keep writing your dissertation." Delphine gives her condition. "You need to keep going. You are so close."
"Yeah. Sometime in 2021 I should be done. One of my advisors suggested I prepare to defend in the summer. Like… July." Speaking the words aloud sounds odd. Cosima winces at the thought. So close and yet it feels much further away than the year or less it should take her to finish at this rate.
"You will. We will be Dr. Cormier and Dr. Niehaus." Delphine quips. "So no more Dr. and Mrs. Cormier reservations."
"No… come on… those are fun." Cosima teases, and then turns serious. She might as well ask. The worse Delphine could say is no. "So… would you be open to bubbling up?'
"That is not currently recommended. It was in the summer but the case counts were lower then. Sarah and Alison saw each other outside then… not inside." Delphine comments even as she's sipping her morning tea.
"Single adults are permitted contact with one other household. And Scott sees no one except his cat."
"You want to bubble up with Scott?" Delphine is briefly surprised.
"Why not? I mean. Then we could share the lab space and like… have him for dinner once a week or something." Cosima shrugs as if she's uninvested. In reality, seeing another human on a regular basis sounds like the best idea ever.
"OK." Delphine agrees. "As long as Scott is cautious… and he gets Covid tested if he develops any symptoms."
"He's only seeing his cat, Delphine. I think we're OK." Cosima giggles a little. He was honestly their safest bet, probably. If they did choose to bubble up.
"You're right… And I can see the value in it. So… We're having Scott for dinner?"
"Yep. Soon." Cosima nods. "We can go all out… make something really good."
"You could make something really good for me." Delphine suggests. Cosima wonders briefly if that would work on softening up Delphine for some loving. It might. But with her luck Delphine would immediately snuggle up on the couch and flick on Outlander.
"I will." Cosima tells her. "But not tonight. I had another virtual meeting.. And I Skyped my parents… and I just want a shower."
"The lab needs better ventilation." Delphine comments.
"The clone lab?"
"Yes." Delphine hums. "I will be joining you… We will… continue our project."
"The telomerase? Yeah." Cosima finds herself nodding enthusiastically at her wife. It sounds promising, a joint venture to reconnect them.
"Yes." Delphine agrees. "There's no reason Scott cannot meet with your sisters, or you… outside and masked and administer the next dose. Or take a blood sample."
"Great." Cosima nods enthusiastically. She knows Alison had been especially concerned when they'd explained the problems with their shortened telomeres. Had begun crying thinking about not living to see Oscar and Gemma graduate university, or marry. Or have children of their own.
"I think… It will be good for us. We need to connect. Intellectually. Emotionally." Delphine tells her bluntly. "When… we discussed the embryos yesterday… and the Ledas… I felt closer to you."
"We also need to talk about sex." Cosima tells her wife without fanfare. "We need to talk about why it's not happening. And what you need for it to happen again."
Delphine glances back over her shoulder as she goes to refill her now half-empty mug of tea. "We do?"
"Uhh yeah. We… probably should start doing that some time. Soon."
"Even without… drive?" Delphine chooses her words carefully, and Cosima wonders if it is because she is afraid to offend her or
"We will get into it, if we try." Cosima quips. "You know it will stimulate the right parts of our brains… increase desire, increase testosterone, increase dopamine… and increase oxytocin."
"And if… it's not good?" Delphine nods, acknowledging the scientific side.
"Delphine." Cosima softens. "Hey. We just need to try again." Physical contact. Novelty. Sex. Cosima thinks all three would do them a world of good, in and out of the bedroom.
"I know… but not today." Delphine tells her.
"OK. But… we're going to have to just schedule it if we go any longer. Write 'have sex' on the calendar and...follow through." Cosima is insistent. "Or just... date night. And have a dinner and cuddle up... and see what happens."
"OK." Delphine agrees, nodding. And it has to be enough.
She does the rounds, and helps Scott administer the telomerase to Sarah, Helena and Alison. As they're bubbled anyway, they can just take Scott's car. A slightly rusted 2016 Civic. Delphine promises she will run the samples, and verify Scott's findings afterwards. A weekend venture, Cosima assumes, with everything else they have going on.
Even behind a mask and face shield, she cannot contain her joy at seeing her sisters. Resisting hugging them is hard. Alison is the most inclined to keep her distance. Donnie standing in the doorway nodding and talking through the entire brief procedure. Helena had gone first, and she had been fun, animated, showed Cosima a dozen pictures of her boys on an iPad. And Arrthur and DJ suddenly seem so much bigger to Cosima. Far from the tiny kids in her memory. And then Alison comes out to take a seat on the porch for her treatment. Donnie stays nearby, not wanting to feel left out.
"An investment in our retirement. Worth the slight risk of infection." Donnie quips just as Cosima is finishing up. And she laughs while Alison scowles.
"It works, Alison. It worked on me." Cosima tells her plainly. "We're probably going to get a normal or close to normal lifespan with repeated treatments. Delphine is optimistic, and so am I. It is working."
"See honey? Cosima and Delphine have it under control… Uhh any change your wife can get us moved up the vaccination queue… when the vaccines are out?" Donnie asks hopefully, but Cosima just shakes her head. Whatever Delphine had done to get her priority was a one-off, and it couldn't happen for the rest of them. Privately Cosima wonders if Delphine had paid someone off.
"All thanks to Delphine." Alison nods. "Remind me to thank your wife when Donnie and I are walking Gemma down the aisle at her wedding." She wants that for Alison, but she suspects Gemma will start to be mortified when Alison begins to sing at the wedding, or the reception.
"Will do." Cosima smiles. "And done." She bandages up Alison. And disposes of her gloves in a small bag. "An IV treatment is advised for next time, but that's… more time consuming."
"Yeah I am not sure we can do that on the porch." Donnie looks around, as if expecting his neighbours to pop out of their houses at any minute.
"Thank you, Cosima." Alison thanks her. "I wish… I wish we could invite you all in for dinner. I… would love to get all the sisters together again. All of clone club. Art and Maya. Felix. Scott… everyone."
"Me too." Cosima nods again.
"Someday when this is over… Donnie and I will host." Alison tells her. "Or we'll do a holiday… potluck style…. After Donnie and I have our vacation."
Cosima nods picturing it, the lives they had before. The lives they are all missing.
They say their awkward, contactless goodbyes, and it feels wrong. But they have to go. Sarah's is in the city, and getting parking at this hour may be a pain.
Scott packs away the pre-treatment sample. And they climb back in the car and take off their masks.
"That was hard." Scott states quickly.
"Yeah. That was hard." Cosima agrees, but they have more than one stop today. It was only Charlotte Delphine wanted to see personally, having chosen an IV type delivery for her treatment. Cosima wondered how much was telomerase, and how much was the gene therapy. But either way, the result was the same. And Charlotte needed it as much of the rest of them. Maybe more, as she was still so young.
They change their masks and face shields before getting out of the car, and sanitize their hands well. It'll have to be enough. Even with precautions, Alison had insisted her appointment be first. And Sarah had agreed.
When they pull into the driveway at Sarah's, Kira comes out masked to let them into the backyard. It's small, but serviceable. And she can tell it's been well maintained. Maybe better maintained than ever before.
"How long will this take?" Sarah asks, slipping out the sliding door at the back. Cosima stops, convinced she sees Cal in the kitchen. He waves and Cosima waves back.
"My dad is here." Kira throws out plainly. "How are you Auntie Cosima?"
Scott takes the blood sample quickly. Sarah doesn't complain or make tiny noises like Alison did. And it is familiar. She's missed her sisters. All of them.
"I'm OK… just… struggling along like everyone else." Cosima shrugs, hands waving as she goes to prepare Sarah's injection. The process takes only a couple minutes. But they need to follow Delphine's instructions precisely.
"Uncle Felix is out." Kira rolls her eyes. "I am so bored."
"I know. We are all bored." Cosima finishes up and bandages Sarah's arm as she had Alison's. "Keep pressure on that."
"I will, Cos. Are you OK?" Sarah looks at her carefully, as if she could figure it out. For a second, she's reminded of Siobhan, but Sarah isn't going to start calling her chicken.
"Yeah. I am totally OK. Things are better. Not perfect, but better." Cosima attempts optimism. Needing to make her sisters believe it too.
"I cannot wait for the stupid vaccine." Sarah mumbles out. "I have never been so excited for a vaccine in my life."
"Me neither. But they're in clinical trials. Everything is accelerated with the available funding… and well… desperation." Cosima looks at her. "I think you might get jabbed by next fall. Which isn't bad."
"That is forever away." Kira whines. "And that's just adults, right? This pandemic is the stupidest shit ever. I think I could survive Covid… Kids aren't getting sick, really."
"Yeah. Just adults first. Then adolescents like you. Then kids. And yes, your age has a lower risk… but not no risk. You need to try to… follow the rules. We all do..." Cosima tries to simplify it. Not getting into the testing that needs to be done. "The MRNA stuff they're doing is pretty cool. You should look it up." She supposes the days when Kira wanted to do science experiments with her and Delphine are long over. But she can try to encourage the interest. Just like she does with Charlotte's interest in geology.
"Hey… Kira… not to your aunts, OK? Save the attitude for me." Sarah sighs. Looking more and more tired by the minute.
"So you and Cal?" Cosima asks with a smile. Cal was still good looking, even if he was greying.
"Yeah. We… He just moved in." Sarah admits. "It was easier than sending Kira back and forth, and everything is going really well."
"How's Felix taking it?"
"What about me?" Kira throws out. "Oh I'm taking it fine, Auntie Cosima. You know… just not seeing my friends while my mom and dad… shag…"
"OK. That's enough." Sarah decides. "Do you want to see Auntie Cosima? Or do you want to go inside and do your algebra homework?"
"Neither." Kira swans off, slamming the screen door behind her. Through the glass Cosima sees Cal attempt to smooth things over. And she wonders if he has more success with Kira. Then again, what was success with a teenager during a pandemic?
"She got her first period." Sarah drops her head into her hands. "Like… six weeks ago. I swear the attitude has doubled since. Alison said Gemma did too... a few months ago. Man... childhood is short. And... pandemic life is shite."
"Well… that's good, right? Normal? Charlotte… hasn't." Cosima drops her voice. "It's why Delphine wants to get her into the lab and back into gene therapy to see if that makes a difference." She wonders if she should try to get Kira back to recount the story of her own menarche and how her mother had insisted on throwing her a small weird party with gifts to celebrate blossoming womanhood. But maybe, Kira wouldn't find it as amusing as she did in hindsight. In the moment it had been humiliating.
"Could it?"
Cosima weighs it cautiously. "Charlotte is still young, so it might. Delphine is hoping it might mean she has the choice to procreate, if she wants to. I see a PhD with her before anything like that happens though." Cosima laughs. She sees herself in Charlotte, at least a little. And wonders where exactly her younger sister will end up.
"Yeah. Kira is determined to finish high school because I didn't. Her grades are good. Despite the other shite. She's… doing some coding and engineering stuff with her dad. They… made a stupid video game. We've all been playing it."
"What's it called?" Cosima asks. She disposes her gloves and packs up again.
"Kill Covid." Sarah quips with a small smile. "It was good to see you, Cos. You too Scott. The only social time I get at all is at work… and that…. That's hard too."
"Yeah. Bye Sarah." Cosima nods sadly as she goes back, Scott says he'll drop her off at home before heading home himself. A quiet evening with his cat was his plan. But they were on for dinner on Tuesday. Which was good, Cosima thought. A nice break for all three of them. She'd already planned on busting out some board games. With three people, it was enough. And Delphine seemed keen enough on their plans.
She stops at the mailroom and gets excited by the packages. She knows what this is. And where it's from. Another fun diversion. She takes the elevator up, trying to stay far away from the old man living in 309 - who looks like he's stripped the inside layer of his mask off. What an idiot, Cosima thinks as she makes her way home.
Cosima carries her packages in from the mailroom. "Hey Delphine… I'm home." Her wife is on the couch, no dinner having been made. Maybe it was a takeout or UberEats kind of night?
"You're late… is everything OK?" Delphine looks up, pausing her current episode of Outlander where Claire and Jamie are now suddenly in America with… an adult child? Cosima wonders if she should just look up the plot to understand what the hell is going on there.
"Yeah. Totally. Just… got back from Sarah's."
"It helps." Delphine agrees. "How is Scott?"
"He's good. Pleased to get out. It was good to see everyone. Even masked." Cosima acknowledges. And she knows Delphine would prefer she doesn't go to the treatments, but she was going. And that was a compromise her wife would have to live with.
"Is he… feeling well?"
"Scott is fine." Cosima insists. "Alison, Sarah and Helena too… and I saw Kira."
"How is she?" Delphine looks at her, eyes drifting over Cosima's form as if she could determine how things went by the way she was holding herself.
"Agitated. Impulsive. Angry… she's a cooped up teenager." Cosima shrugs. "And her school gets closed off and on, and she's in class and then back in virtual… And it's hard."
"Of course. Of course it's hard." Delphine nods.
"For all of us. Delphine."
"What… what is that?" Delphine points at her packages.
Cosima smiles slowly, opening her mail. She might as well show Delphine what she was missing out on. As far as she could tell Delphine hadn't even had an orgasm since last March. "More packages. They're mine."
"What… what is all this for?" Delphine points at the latest gadget she'd brought home. "Why? Why another one?"
"It's private and it's mine." Cosima retorts quickly. She's not about to admit it's a clitoral simulator. That she is trying it based on a ridiculous number of astounded reviews from heterosexual women. Though she suspects their standards are lower than hers.
"You… you just bought that… thrusting vibrator last week!" Delphine shakes her head. "And that… that weird looking vibrator before that. You… have an extensive collection now. Why so many?"
"How do you know about that?" Cosima shoots back. Had Delphine been going through her things? Then again, she hadn't really tried to be discreet. She didn't care if Delphine knew she was masturbating. Hell, maybe it was better if Delphine knew.
"You left it in the sink." Delphine tells her firmly. "I saw it."
"Did you try it?" Cosima prompts. The toy was, admittedly, very effective. "It would play into your Scotsman fantasy well. You'd get railed."
Delphine rolls her eyes impatiently. "I just enjoy the show, Cosima. The characters are madly in love… and that makes their sex hot. That is all."
Cosima unwraps the package and presents it to Delphine. "It's a clitoral stimulator. See? And it's mine. So now I am going to go wash it."
"The womanizer?" Delphine raises one eyebrow.
"It's… just a brand name. It's… stimulating oral sex sensations. I am going to try it because let's face it, we aren't having sex ever again." Cosima shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant. Her plan to wash this thing, hydrate, read a smutty book and have an orgasm thrown off by her wife's sudden interest.
"It can't… it can't be as good." Delphine states plainly. " Nothing could be as good as oral sex with another woman."
"I guess we'll see." Cosima shrugs, quickly swanning off with her new purchase and shutting the bedroom door behind her. She doesn't look back at Delphine's face, but she's hoping she's just intrigued her.