Delphine knows what Cosima is doing. How could she not? But she finds herself hovering outside their bedroom door listening to the sounds of Cosima pleasuring herself. The intakes of breath, the little whines. Why she ends up here every time Cosima is masturbating is clear enough - this does it for her. More than anything else has for months.
Her efforts to increase desire, watching Outlander, trying other sexy books, hasn't worked this well. She'd enjoyed the entertainment but couldn't ever get out of her head enough to become excited by it. Particularly when Cosima insists on running commentary through them instead of working on her dissertation. But Cosima… Cosima pleasuring herself seems to do the trick. Which given the distance between them had the propensity to become extremely awkward.
She can tell when Cosima comes, hears it coming and can picture it. Picture herself between Cosima's legs, her mouth pressed to hot swollen flesh. Something she cannot remember the last time she did. March? April? It had been Cosima making those sounds for her, begging her for more. And Delphine flushes with heat. That toy… couldn't be as good, right?
Cosima screams, almost as if out of nowhere, and Delphine startles and wants to reach for the doorknob when a second scream follows. It can't be that good, can it? Maybe… maybe Cosima wants her in the room. Maybe she'd let her watch. Or… help her come again.
She opens the door to find Cosima still writhing on her back, pressing the discreet toy between her legs. Cosima is still screaming and moving her hips. The sheets are dampened under Cosima - not her typical reactions. And the sight gets to her even more. She wants this. Now. She is going to take Cosima and throw that stupid toy onto the floor.
"Ohhh… holy shit." Cosima is clearly in the throes of ecstasy and this too is working on her. Her head is tilted back, her face flushed, her nipples hard. The sight is familiar, and yet, still exciting.
"Cosima…" Delphine calls her wife's name. She lowers her voice, moving closer. She guesses plan A of asking Cosima what she wants for dinner is out right now. Maybe, maybe she could give Cosima what she wanted. Maybe if she did that they could find there way back like this.
"Wow…" Cosima relaxes and turns off the toy, putting it to the side of the bed. "What? Do you want a turn?" Cosima tilts her head, teasting her.
"Non…" Delphine shakes her head. That won't help anything. "I do not want a toy."
"Suit yourself." Cosima shrugs, and begins laughing from her place on the bed. "It is...really good. Not like the same… but… good."
"As good as me?" Delphine askes, hands going to unbutton her blouse. She is in the mood, and that is enough for the moment. Pandemic or not, she is going to have Cosima. To reaffirm their connection, if nothing else.
"Ehh… it is very effective. Look. More… means to an end than cunnilingus though. I mean if it's done right." Cosima smiles looking down at the wet spot on the bed. Something Cosima doesn't usually do. Delphine is intrigued, but also annoyed.
"I can do better." Delphine decides, and begins taking off her clothes. She feels aroused, and maybe that's enough? It is certainly enough for Cosima on the average day.
"Are you serious?" Cosima looks up at her gobsmacked. "I just had like… three orgasms."
"I am serious. I know you have no refractory period." Delphine throws her pants behind her and climbs onto the bed. She goes to straddle Cosima. "Now kiss me."
Cosima looks at her for a minute as if she is unsure, and then kisses her. Slowly at first and then more deeply. The kiss feels better than she expected, softer, warmer. And it's not the slower restart she'd have preferred... but it feels too good to resist right now. Cosima's mouth against her own has always felt so perfect, so sweet.
"Nothing could compare…" Delphine insists. She kisses her again. She's kept her underwear on, but maybe giving to Cosima could feel OK by itself. Even if she's worried for her. She needs to kiss her, needs to hold her, if they're going to do this. It has to feel connected.
"I could buy a kilt… and strap it on…" Cosima mumbles between kisses which makes her giggle madly.
"Maybe later." Delphine tells her, trying to sound serious. Though the mental image makes her want to laugh.
She reaches down and strokes Cosima who is sensitive and shudders at the first touch of her fingers. She thinks, at first, that she should use her mouth. To prove her point. But Cosima is so sensitive from her self-stimulation she's unsure it would feel good. Or last any time whatsoever.
Cosima whines and she presses into her, moving her body over her lover. It's still the same, Delphine thinks. It hasn't changed.
"Oh Cosima…" She breathes. It still feels good, Delphine thinks. She can do this. She can please Cosima. She can forget everything else for just a few minutes in Cosima's arms.
Cosima whines and clasps her hand to her mouth, her eyes shut and that will not do. That will not do at all. She keeps touching gently, but needs her wife to open her eyes.
"Look at me." Delphine begs softly. "Look at me when I touch you, Cosima." Cosima has to look at her, has to acknowledge her, connect with her.
Cosima obeys, opening her eyes. And she looks at her face.
"Regarde-moi. Do not look away." She makes her demands quietly. And she has her. And Cosima takes her in eagerly. Desperately. It's easy, two fingers pressing deeply, finding the familiar motions that feel good. That please her. And she wants more. She works her, works four fingers into her before Cosima comes around her again. And Delphine knows she's wet. Terribly wet before Cosima puts her mouth near her, tugging her dampened underwear down her legs. And whether it's deprivation or just desire she pulls hard on her dreads the entire time Cosima is tasting her.
"Cosima… Cosima…" She lets herself moan her wife's name. She clings tightly, and it's easier than she thought to let go. To let herself go.
They opt to cuddle on the couch when their Thai food arrives. Delphine offers to dress, and so she goes down to get it from the building lobby. Delphine returns still grinning. Still thinking about how worth it it had all been. They'd ordered it from the bed when after her third and Cosima's fifth orgasm they'd started to get hungry.
"So?" Cosima asks, still in a silk robe waiting for her when she returns. She hadn't bothered to dress which suggests that this is a pause, and not a cessation in their lovemaking. And it's been so long, Delphine thinks it could go on for hours yet. Especially if Cosima was feeling particularly amorous.
"I missed this… all of it." Delphine admits. Holding Cosima afterwards, skin to skin, had been more satisfying than she'd remembered. Maybe it was just the hormones? Or the deprivation. Either way, no one was complaining. Though perhaps their neighours would if they kept it up.
"So… once a week date night? And the plan being to have sex?" Cosima prompts. "Clearly… we can get into it."
"OK." Delphine agrees. Maybe scheduling sex wasn't that bad. "But please make an effort to be tender and romantic."
"Done. Totally. I'll make dinner. Give backrubs. We can be romantic." Cosima agrees, she flicks on some music. Entirely instrumental. Beeps and boops, she'd once called it making her wife crack up.
She passes Delphine chopsticks and they eat. Her feet in Delphine's lap.
"Je t'aime." Delphine tells her softly.
"I love you too." Cosima smiles. "Just so you know, I am expecting a repeat performance after dinner."
"I know." Delphine tells her, eating her green curry hungrily. She wasn't sure why sex with Cosima made her so ravenous sometimes.
"Good. So… what was getting in the way?"
"Lack of drive. Anxiety. And then once we'd gone so long without… I was just used to it. Used to the distance."
"Delphine… it's not like you're going to forget what to do."
"Maybe not." Delphine agrees, tilting her head in a mirroring of one of Cosima's own mannerisms. "But I am very satisfied. I am… happy I did."
"And no, the womanizer is not as good as cunnilingus with you." Cosima throws out half-teasing. "It is not as good. Don't worry."
"I know. It is… efficient clearly. But lacking." Delphine wonders if it's a variety in sensations that Cosima has been trying to find with her overly priced sex toy repertoire. But it doesn't matter. They can go back into the box. They don't need to be discussed.
"Yeah I mean, if I just want a fast orgasm before dinner… sure. But if I actually want a full body experience… a drawn out session? Has to be with you."
"Did you really use that thrusting vibrator?"
"Yep. Why? Want to try?"
"No. I told you. I don't want a toy. I want you inside me." Delphine echoes what she's told Cosima many times. She'll occasionally agree to use toys. And can enjoy the sensation but there's always something off about it she cannot quite manage to explain. It's been the same since their honeymoon. She has to be in the right mood, or it's a disappointment.
"Delphine… Like… you're really tight." Cosima wrinkles her nose, making a guess as to her mood. "It… it would take a lot of effort to get anything substantial inside you tonight. I mean… I could do it. But it would take us a while."
"Then we should try." Delphine tells her. She figures they have enough time. "But first, I really want to finish dinner."
"Good thing they don't close until 10 pm." Cosima laughs. "Do you want to thaw that vegan cheesecake in the freezer?"
"We can… but it probably won't be edible until midnight."
"That's fine. I am not planning on getting much sleep." Cosima quips.
"I guess we could manage that." Delphine nods thoughtfully. She does need to show Cosima how much she desires her, how much she still wants her.
"It was good for me.." Cosima tells her. "Was it the fact it was a clit stimulator I was using? Did that feel threatening? Or...exciting to you?"
"Non. It was your sounds." Delphine admits. "It doesn't matter what you were using."
"Ooh I should definitely moan more then." Cosima lazily picks up a spring roll and dips it into plum sauce before lifting it to her mouth. "Oh this is good. A perfect quick late dinner."
"It is good… but… I find I want a different kind of taste." Delphine lets the words sit teasingly between them.
As soon as they finish dinner, takeout containers quickly shoved into an overly full fridge. Then Delphine makes good on it, there's not too much fabric to remove. She tastes Cosima eagerly, determined to prove that the toy has nothing on her. On what she can give her. They don't even make it to the bed, the couch proving good enough for this attempt.
"Oh god yes." Cosima moans and whimpers, and Delphine lets herself forget her worries. Even just a little.
She cannot let her fear of losing Cosima take away the joy of loving her. She cannot live like that anymore.
"Oh wow." Cosima murmurs at her after. Cosima toys absently with one of her curls and she collapses into her belly laying a kiss against her.
"So I think I have figured out our plans for pandemic Thanksgiving and Christmas."
"Naked?" Cosima quips as she tries not to laugh.
"Oui. We could do that. We… can't go anywhere. I'd… like to get a Christmas tree. A real one."
"Delphine, we live in a building." Cosima sighs. "I'll... I'll figure something out."
"And I thought we could try stuffed mushrooms for one of them," Delphine suggests, meal ideas coming easily. It is odd how the stimulus of one appetite can lead to another. How trying to reignite her passion for Cosima helps with hunger too. Or maybe it just lowers her stress levels? Maybe she should suggest an experiment. Weeks where they make love at least twice compared with weeks where they cuddle naked every night. See if one makes a difference over the other. Or if oxytocin was just helping everything right now. She didn't want to restrict intimacy though. They'd had too much of that already.
"Could be tasty, like portobello caps? Good be good. Maybe some roasted brussel sprouts? Squash? Potatoes?" Cosima smiles. "You're hungry."
Delphine shakes her head. "Non we just ate." But she knows what Cosima means.
"Beats just eating popcorn."
"It was better than nothing."
"Yes… Do you still want me to watch Outlander with you?"
"I had a watch party with Alison last week." Delphine admits.
"Seriously?"
"Yes… It was her and two of her theatre friends squealing over it." Delphine remembers the experience and thinks a good part of her would rather watch alone. She was the only one of the three wanting to complain about any historical anachronisms. Maybe it was better to keep to herself.
"So I don't have to?"
"Why don't we try it from the beginning? Or something else." Delphine throws out. "Maybe a new show together would be better."
"So no kilt?"
"Non. No need." Delphine assures her. "Let's go to bed."
"Mmm… Doctor's orders?"
"Tonight? Yes." Delphine rolls with it, she slowly raises herself, takes her naked and adorable wife by the hand and takes her back to bed.