Mid December 2021
"Are you disappointed?" Delphine asks her, even as they are decorating their first real Christmas tree. The smell alone, Cosima thinks, makes it worth it. Sarah had been right about the real tree thing. They hang their small collection of ornaments - white and gold balls, soft lights and several custom ornaments on the tree.
Cosima is quick to shake her head, hanging up several more ornaments. "No." The tree is sitting in what is technically their dining room, and it's pretty perfect, Cosima thinks. The small square table they brought takes up a small amount of space leaving plenty for their tree.
"We cannot visit your parents, as planned." Delphine sighs. "The tree looks good though, and smells good."
"And we've known for …six weeks? That it probably wasn't going to work out. I mean, it would have been nice to see them. And like, watch my mom fuss over your belly… but I mean at least I won't have to yell 'Dad! Shorts! ' twice a day."
Delphine cracks a small smile. "True, but your parents will usually wear clothes when they have guests."
"Yeah but you're family now, remember? They may just let it all hang out. Just be Gene and Sally Niehaus, the naturalist naturists."
Delphine lets out a small snort but makes no comment. "Despite their eccentricities, your parents are very kind."
"They are that." Cosima agrees. "My mom called yesterday. By the way."
"Oh?"
"They're sending us some gifts, mostly for the baby. Already in the mail. Though they said there's something for the mamas too."
"The mamas?" Delphine echoes with a smile. "Is that what they called us?"
"That's what we are now. Mommy and Maman." Cosima smiles a little. The baby will call them that, once they're old enough. She thinks of a child, who in her mind looks like a tiny Delphine, and wonders if that is who Elodie will be.
"Are your parents on the boat?"
"Yeah. They are. As long as restrictions allow. They say they're fine. Both lecturing remotely. All the things. They've both had booster shots. They… live as best as they can. I mean, California is…different."
"Are they… excited?" Delphine wonders aloud.
"Yeah. I mean, they're well aware of one reality - they have no genetic ties to this baby. And they… are just as ecstatic as ever. As any grandparent would be."
"Does that matter?"
"Well…" Cosima trails off. "No. I don't think so. They're still my mom and dad… the social role is distinct from the biological one. And as you know, we are never telling them."
"I know." Delphine sombers, putting the last ornament, one with two penguins and a wedding date declaring their first Christmas as newlyweds, an impulse purchase the first year they'd been married.
"I suggested we'll Skype instead." Cosima lets her wife know gently. She doubts Delphine will object. They Skype occasionally with their families, sometimes solo, sometimes together. But for Christmas, it needs to be both of them.
"Of course. I am sure my parents will want to see us too."
"They want you to stand up, and show off your belly." Cosima teases. "29 weeks… and counting." She runs a hand along Delphine's belly, it's perfect she thinks. Perfectly round, with a tiny human often kicking frantically inside.
"That they probably do. We send photos." Delphine points out.
"Yeah… Though you said maternity shots are out…" Cosima reminds her wife.
"We… might be able to find a photographer to do them distanced. It is… an increased risk." Delphine considers this, biting her lip. Cosima knows Delphine wants photos. Especially as they are planning only one pregnancy, it is the one opportunity to photograph it.
"I know. I guess I will just photograph you loads… And if you want we can try to find some awesome, fully vaccinated photographer to do some shots." Cosima trails off. "Can I take a photo of you naked?"
Delphine stops, halfway back to their ornament box digging for the tree skirt. "What?"
"Just for me. Not to share with anyone. I just… I want to remember what you looked like when you were pregnant."
"With photographic evidence?" Delphine raises an eyebrow, but doesn't decline.
"If you're willing." Cosima teases her a little. "I'll make it worth your while."
"Don't you want to wait for… me to get bigger?" Delphine asks. "I am sure this belly is not done growing."
"We could document various stages." Cosima suggests. She wouldn't mind, in fact, getting to do that sounds incredibly appealing. Maybe even sexy.
"Third trimester, a photographic journey?"
"Basically." Cosima laughs. "Are you hungry?"
"Yes… I need to finish building the crib… Or try."
"Oooh. So it's going in our bedroom? Or are we putting it in the nursery?" Cosima asks. "Do you need me to help with the box?"
"That is easiest I think. If we room in for… 8 or 9 months the baby will outgrow the bassinet. No. I'll take it out and bring it up a piece at a time." Delphine states. "We'll put a mini changing station there as well, everything else can go in Élodie's room."
"Spoiled kid. She has her own room and she hasn't even vacated your uterus." Cosima points out. "I'll… get started on dinner." So much for the hours she'd spent painting Elodie's room a soft seafoam green. Still, Cosima thinks rooming in will prevent a tired Delphine from stumbling on the stairs in the middle of the night after feeding.
"Mmm." Delphine hums her agreement and leans in for a soft kiss. It reaches her, but Cosima continues with her plan. She throws a quick dinner into the InstantPot and sets it going. That is enough, she thinks. A soup she and Delphine can enjoy with the loaf of fresh bread they'd picked up yesterday.
She climbs up the two flights of stairs to their bedroom. Assuming Delphine may need help after all.
"Uhh…" Delphine grunts slightly as she works slowly, trying to assemble the crib with the included allen key. The mattress leans against the wall. All the sides of the cribs are finished, but Delphine is attempting to attach them together. A task that looks like it might require two people. Something she should be offering to help with. Instead she finds herself extremely distracted.
"Oh." Cosima looks at the scene for another moment, hears Delphine struggle a little bit. But the sounds remind her of other sounds. And Delphine makes two more little sounds before she notices her presence.
"Oh good, Cosima… this… this really needs two people." Delphine looks up. "Can you hold that side for me while I attach the end?"
"Mmm." Cosima hums, she grabs the offered piece of crib, she waits just long enough for Delphine to attach the two sides before grabbing her wife. Considering once the baby was born they would be taking a sexual hiatus, shouldn't she be yielding to the desire while it's here?
"Cosima?" Delphine looks up at her in confusion for a brief moment before she's going in for a kiss. "Mmmmph…."
Cosima kisses deeply, wrapping her arms around Delphine.
"What?" Delphine is confused when their lips part, but her arms close around Cosima the same. "What… what is going on?"
"That sound…. That's what." Cosima leans in for another kiss, deeper than the first. She feels Delphine laugh and then respond. Her wife's hands go to the zipper at the back of the stress, and she feels Delphine unfasten the garment.
"You want me?" Delphine teases her a little.
"Yes." Cosima nods, and finds herself surprised when Delphine is urging her across the room in the general direction of their bed. Delphine manages to get the dress off before pushing her down on the bed. They wrestle off their remaining clothes together. Wanting to get to skin.
"Comme ça?" Delphine husks into her ear, and while Cosima has a sense she's being played with … she doesn't care. She lets Delphine stroke her slowly, drawing out their pleasure. Lets Delphine enter her, even as they both have to adjust to find a position that accommodates the bump.
"Oh god… Delphine!" Cosima lets herself groan, pushing herself into Delphine, trying to get her deeper. She hauls her in to kiss, to cling to. And it's more than enough for the moment. Even if they have to adapt to make this all work.
She comes readily for her wife, and before she can beg for more, Delphine is already giving it to her.
"Just lay like this." Delphine urges her, and lays facing her, letting her hands do the bulk of the adjusting. The bump rests between them, and while Cosima feels an occasional small thump she finds it doesn't ruin the moment. "Like this?" Delphine teases her, setting a slow rhythm. Her wife knows she's driving her crazy.
"Yes… yes…" Cosima finds she needs this. Needs to let Delphine lead and her follow. Even something this simple. Her hands go to return the favour. It's easy enough to reach, and Delphine is slick with her own excitement and she whimpers softly when she touches her.
"N'arrete pas." Delphine tells her, and they manage to find release like that, tangled up together in their bed.
"OK… I am really beginning to love this bedroom." Cosima says, once they've come down from their high. And they have other things to do. She acknowledges it. But suddenly an early night is sounding like a better and better idea. "So… you want to eat a quick supper and turn in early… Just…go to bed?"
"OK. But…" Delphine tries to catch her breath, a large smile on her face. "You have to help me assemble the crib first."
"Totally." Cosima responds, with wide grin of her own. "I'm all in baby."
"You are…" Delphine giggles. "Or you will be."
"Delphine!" Cosima laughs back, totally content. She has her doctorate. She has Delphine. And soon… they'll have a tiny human of their own. A whole new life. Whatever else happens, she knows they'll make it through.
Late December 2021
Yves Cormier seems softer with Delphine than usual and Cosima wonders what on earth they'd talked about the day she was kicked out of the condo for tennis talk. She'd never seen her father-in-law seem quite so… affectionate. The post-Christmas Skype call was going about as well as she could have expected. But maybe they were behaving for Delphine's sake. Or the baby's.
Cosima pastes a grateful smile on her face and tries not to make her hormonal 31 weeks pregnant wife cry. She'd behaved herself better than normal, a minimum of comments. And she found Brigitte was on her best behaviour as well. Maybe it really was impending grandparenthood.
Brigitte remains fixated on the bébé and the boxes of presents they had sent for their one and only grandchild. Three boxes worth of presents that had arrived just after Christmas, and unfortunately not before. It was ridiculous, Cosima thought. But it seemed to be one of the few ways her in-laws expressed their… affection for Delphine. If that's even what it is.
"C'est tout pour Élodie." Brigitte smiles, a French name seems to be going over well with her in-laws. "There is another box coming but that is larger clothing… so that will arrive sometime in the new year."
"Merci Maman, Papa." Delphine politely thanks her parents, who seem, suddenly enthused about being grandparents. They hadn't get told them what they wanted to be called but Delphine had thrown around "Mémé et Pépé" along with the more formal grand-maman and grand-papa that Cosima had been expecting from her in-laws. Her own parents had told her they'd be Grandpa and Grandma and that was it. Simple. Easy. No… debating.
"Thank you Brigitte and Yves." Cosima quickly thanks her in-laws, trying to keep this call pleasant and brief. For Delphine's sake.
"Get your sleep now." Brigitte tells them both. "Les nourrissons sont… pas facile."
Cosima nods and Delphine nods politely, not commenting much about what her mother just said. Delphine was, of course, gently steering her parents towards their goodbyes after an hour and a half on Skype.
"Good luck Cosima. Delphine ne fait pas ses nuits jusqu'à trois ans." Yves Cormier looks at them both. "Repose-toi, biboune. Tu as l'air fatiguée."
"Bye Papa! Bye Maman. On va parler bientôt." Delphine waves them off. And finally the call ends with an audible click.
Cosima exhales. She'd gotten through it. Without sassing her father in law and calling his favourite tennis player 'the balding one with the bad knee'. Without accusing Brigitte of long-standing homophobia. And without commenting on every piece of baby clothing they were given being ridiculous and overpriced. And in some cases… frilly. Though Yves's last comments leave her concerned.
"Three years? Three years what?" Cosoma looks to Delphine who doesn't provide an answer. "Biboune?" Cosima admits her French is rough, but she is halfway convinced this isn't a word at all.
"My father was saying I didn't sleep through the night until I was three. But… they had nannies… I don't' think they really remember." Delphine stretches with a little yawn. Having sufficiently showed off her growing belly and opened the presents from him and her mother. Expensive French baby clothes ranging from newborn sized to sized for 9 month olds. Cosima laughs. But it could be worse.
"And… biboune?" Cosima repeats, one eyebrow raised.
"It… is what my parents called me when I was a baby." Delphine brushes it off. "Nothing worth discussing."
"Right. So embarrassing childhood nicknames. From your father…" Cosima shoots Delphine a look.
"It's… because I talked tennis with him for two hours…Federer. And then Nadal… A good hour of reminiscing and then the current odds. And then the juniors… And then I promised to visit with the baby in the summer." Delphine admits something Cosima already suspected was true.
"Right. Restrictions permitting." Cosima sighs. Hanging out with Delphine, Elodie and her in-laws doesn't sound like a fun trip.
"Yes."
"Are we actually going?" Cosima asks tiredly
"Yes."
"Great…" Cosima sighs.
"So… we take a break and then Skype your parents? All in one go?" Delphine offers, but Cosima can tell she is fading.
"Well one set of parents done. One more to go. We just… need a decent break." Cosima puts away the boxes from the Cormiers. The baby clothes were largely feminine but high quality and she doesn't doubt Delphine will be reaching for them to dress the baby in more often than not.
"OK. I am going to go to the washroom and then we will call Sally and Gene." Delphine quickly begins to head off and then stops.
"I'll text them and tell them to put clothes on." Cosima jokes, but then sobers watching her wife hesitate by the doorway. "What is it? Something is bothering you. I can tell you know."
"With Omicron, we need to rethink our plans." Delphine states simply.
"Plans with the baby?" Cosima leans back in the chair. Maybe a quick snack was in order. Or some tea. Something to move around and bit and try calling her folks from downstairs? Or some change of scenery.
"Plans for the birth." Delphine tells her curtly.
"So?" Cosima tilts her head. "Like… have you changed your mind about the birth centre? Or…?" She tries not to make any assumptions. Delphine is the one who is going to have to go through labour and actually push the baby out. Cosima has therefore decided on matters of Elodie's birth, though she will make suggestions and talk about ideas, that the decision making power must rest with Delphine.
"We should… try to have her at home." Delphine states simply. "We assess the current pandemic situation and pivot. We need to adapt."
"But the birthing centre… I mean… that's really great too." Cosima thinks back to their tour. She'd been excited by the prospect, and Delphine was pleased both with the facility and its proximity to hospital - if required.
"But at home, we have us, and our midwives. As few people as possible." Delphine points out. "Our risk of infection goes down, and we can protect our baby. And you… Even with a supposedly milder variant, you have comorbidities. We need to reduce your contacts. As much as possible."
Cosima runs through it. And begins nodding. She hasn't been out much lately. And that is purposeful. She suspects the new year will go much the same. "I think… I think you're right. We have to have Elodie at home." She can imagine labour being hard… but Delphine was strong. And they'd have each other. That has to be worth something even if giving birth completely sucks.
"Or try… I mean, if my labour goes very long, or if we encounter a complication - we would have to transfer to hospital." Delphine makes the limits clear.
"Of course. Like… you say the word and we pack up and go." Cosima is quick to assure her wife. "Like you can totally change your mind on the no epidural thing a few hours in and we just…go."
Delphine shakes her head, clearly determined. "Barring complications, I would rather stay home. And even if I can't… we need to try. And I think… I think I can do it."
"So we'll do it… uhh what about the water birth idea?" Cosima remembers their masked tour of the Toronto Birth Centre and recalls Delphine had been enthused about the idea. Almost as much as she was.
"We rent a tub." Delphine shoots back. "Our midwives should be able to help us."
"Right… I'll … get on that." Cosima smiles. "So… we're ording a birthing pool. Where are we going to put it?"
"The living room probably… We'll need to access water to fill it. We can use the small washroom or the kitchen." Delphine speaks clearly, planning as she goes.
"A homebirth." Cosima nods.
"Rachel and Liz told me that more and more families are opting for them during Covid." Delphine mentions it. "We could still have a doula, to assist us… I am still looking in to that. But then it is… 5 people. Not… dozens."
"Yeah."
"My grandparents were… born at home." Delphine speaks as if still trying to wrap her head around it. "That… that was how things were in France then."
"But your parents, aunts and uncles… were born in the hospital."
"A different era. Admittedly, there is a part of me that might prefer hospital in case of emergencies. But during Covid, we must adapt. And we already wanted the freestanding birth centre anyway. That is already out of hospital.." Delphine acknowledges. "Élodie being born at home has other advantages."
"What's that?"
"It is just us. Just you and me, Cosima. And our midwives… no one else. It will be… intimate. Private."
"I think… part of that might be really nice." Cosima imagines it. Her and Delphine holding a brand new baby in the living room.
"I was talking to Liz, and she said if there's no complications that partners can catch the baby."
"What?" Cosima perks up.
"You… could catch the baby." Delphine points out. "As long as we have no complications and aren't in hospital with an OBGYN."
That image stays with her. "I like that." Cosima nods.
"OK… I have to pee." Delphine quickly waddles off in the direction of the bathroom. And Cosima sits with their decision. Head spinning. A homebirth wasn't really something she thought Delphine would go for under ordinary circumstances. But something …intimate about the idea really does appeal.
She's halfway through ordering a rental birthing pool to shove in their …dining room when her phone rings.
"Hey. What's up Sarah?"
"Cos…" Sarah's voice is rough, choked as if she's been crying.
"Wait… what happened?"
"Well uh… we all have Covid. We managed to get rapid test kits. And… all positive." Sarah admits. "Which is shite. I mean. We're all double vaccinated. But… Kira, Cal… Felix… and myself. We all have it."
"Wow… OK." Cosima knows she hasn't seen Sarah in weeks. But Scott has. He'd drawn blood five days ago. And she wonders how far… this will spread.
"But… we're not too sick. Fever. Cold symptoms mostly. They're saying it's milder… but I don't know. KIra is pretty out of it. Felix got it first… and the rest of us followed right after Christmas. Kira was last for whatever reason."
"She's a tough kid. Healthy. She will be fine." Cosima tells her sister. She has no doubt Kira will be fine. And no doubt the Cal will drag them all to the ER if necessary to help with that. Most people are fine. But some... some aren't so lucky. But she feels confident that her sister's family will be.
"No… it's not that Cos… It's uh… Alison has been… drinking again. So… we were bubbled. You know I saw them… even when… she needed help… yeah? She couldn't handle Arthur and DJ without… so… Anyway. They've all got the symptoms too. I mean we're all vaccinated but Helena's boys only got one dose earlier this month so… we don't know how that will go."
"So you'll all have it." Cosima sits with it. "Wait… drinking? Since when?"
"Umm a few months now. Donnie… turned to us… so we've been helping where we can. She's… seeing a counselor. He has her… going to AA meetings… the whole bit. But she's having a real hard time going sober again."
"And it's helping?" Cosima asks hopefully. She doesn't want to see Alison spiral down.
"Well… Oscar has told us he is never drinking ever… so…we'll see if he sticks to that." Sarah tries to make light of it.
"It's the fucking pandemic. Anyone with any sort of issues… they're all out. Delphine's anxiety. Alison's drinking… everything is just.. Quadrupled in isolation. It's fucked."
"Yeah. It is fucked. I wish… I wish S were alive." Sarah sighs. And Cosima feels for her, deeply.
"I wish… I wish I could help with Alison but…" Honestly Cosima doesn't know what else she could do. It wasn't that snowy, she could like… run supplies that way. But if they've all been exposed…
"Your lungs… I know." Sarah is understanding about it all. "We… we tried to keep you out of it."
"Why didn't you guys tell me?"
"You were lost in your dissertation and Delphine… and the baby." Sarah is blunt. "You struggle enough with the idea of becoming a mom. I remember you telling me you're just not maternal."
"I'm not maternal." Cosima agrees. She's never felt particularly maternal or good with babies. In fact, she's barely ever held a baby. Something that will soon be a big learning curve.
"But you're doing this anyway.. For Delphine… Or maybe things changed. I don't know… Cos… but hang in there."
"I'm hanging." Cosima tells her sister just as she sees Delphine reappear at the doorway. Her hazel eyes wide as she tries to put it together.
"I'll.. let you go. I've… got to heat up more soup… Cal is definitely better at this than me."
"Take care of each other." Cosima says. Not that it matters, she knows Sarah will. Sarah always tried… in her own way, to take care of all of them.
"We will. Bye."
"What? What happened?" Delphine is quick to ask her. "Your sisters… that was Sarah… is?"
"They've all got Covid. Their families were bubbled so… they've… all got it."
"Oh no." Delphine shakes her head. "I mean, their lungs have more… normal function but still… And it's becoming such a stigma. But it is… it is a virus acting like a virus. It doesn't care whether you've been cautious or not. If you are exposed… you get it."
"That's not all…" Cosima slows it down. "Alison is …drinking again."
"Merde."
"Yeah." Cosima nods. "And I am have been so useless. I have been lost in my diss and the defence and the baby…"
"And me."
"Oh I don't regret that one." Cosima makes that clear. "But… like… my sisters are dying of this…the ones that were already sick. We've locked down here to …protect me. And Alison is like… chugging vodka or something… so much so Sarah intervened and one of her kids is pledging lifelong sobriety."
"Life… isn't simple… you know…people are suffering. Some more than others."
"I know… and it's super unfair…" Cosima wonders where the guilt comes in. "Because… we've been… super happy. I mean… for the most part. It still…sucks. But…we've been trying to live anyway. That's why were doing all this."
"Yes. We need to live anyway. As much as we can." Delphine is quick to agree.
"And the Ledas?"
"Many of them are vaccinated, I can pull up the files again, try to get the updates and see… if comorbidities are still improving?"
"Not today… tomorrow. I know… I should look but."
"Non…" Delphine is quick to correct her. "It doesn't have to be today. It can wait for tomorrow. And we will do it together."
"Yeah." Cosima nods, letting her wife pull her in to a tight hug. Some things will have to wait.
Notes: This one took me a long time. Here goes. Trying to finish it.