February 2022
Cosima sighs at her computer. She'd forwarded some of the photos, some of the most recent ones taken early this morning. And waits for a response. It doesn't have to be complicated. It is a simple commission. And she's more than willing to pay.
"So?"
"Wow." Felix shakes his head. "I mean I know I told you I do portraits on commission… it's quite lucrative. Especially for the size of canvas you've requested."
"So… will you do it?" Cosima cuts to the chase. It was a simple request. One large oil painting. And she knew Felix had the skills to pull it off. He'd certainly had enough practice painting clones.
"No! I don't do female nudes. Also… I never painted a pregnant woman. Nevermind a naked one." Felix trails off. "And she's looking at you like she wants to eat you. Except this last one. That's more… content and tired. Is this post-coital?!"
"Well, think of it as a challenge." Cosima suggests, ignoring the last comment entirely. "I took the photos, so yes, Delphine is looking at me."
"I think the answer is a no. Just no… You know I love you. But no. I don't think… I don't think I am comfortable with this subject matter." Felix pauses, he paces in front of the camera. Clearly in the loft. "Wait, does Delphine know you sent this to me?"
"Well… that's rich coming from a man who paints in nothing but an apron." Cosima ignores the latter question. And watches groomed eyebrows raise carefully.
"Hah it's a process thing."
Cosima shrugs, unable to help herself. "You always said you wanted to paint Delphine." Felix must have said it a half dozen times in seven years. Delphine, of course, was always too busy to sit for him.
"When drunk! And I meant dressed and well… svelte." Felix chokes the words out. "Don't get me wrong, I like painting women but…" He shakes his head noticeably and then takes a long drag from his joint.
Cosima quickly catches his drift. "So you mean… not pregnant?"
"It's intimidating." Felix shakes his head. "Delphine may hate the painting. Do I paint the stretch marks? Or ignore them. She's… round."
"Yes. That would be the pregnant part." Cosima quips. "How about this. You think about it, and get back to me."
"The answer is no, Cos."
"Fine." Cosima shrugs. "Hey are you in the loft?"
"You know I use it as my studio." Felix smiles. "Keeps home much cleaner."
"Yeah. I think you miss it."
"Miss all the sisters dropping in and Sarah crashing here with her boytoys? Oh not to mention that time you and Delphine took it over for a night." Felix shoots her a look.
"Hey, that was years ago. And I should have washed the sheets. Sorry." Cosima shrugs. She hadn't felt penitent for that at the time. Maybe she should have.
"I know… you ' won't apologize for your heart '. It wasn't your heart that made a mess all over my-"
"Yes I get it. Sorry." Cosima tries to apologize more genuinely. She doesn't get why this matters anymore. Felix has never let her live it down. And by extension, neither had Sarah.
"Well that's something anyway. So… if I agree to the portrait. When do you want it done?"
"I don't suppose Valentine's Day is possible?"
"That is in four days. I absolutely cannot do this in four days." Felix shakes his head. "I need… at least a week. Maybe two. Getting around downtown right now is a bit of a mess if you haven't noticed. It's even worse near Sarah's. Awful."
"OK… So you'll do it?" Cosima asks again more hopefully. She tries to ignore the rest of it. Civil action by anti-vax idiots is something she's tried her best to ignore. For her own sanity. And Delphine's too.
"I didn't say that. I mean…. Honestly it is a terrible time to be an artist, Cos. Especially when I like to paint large pieces. I haven't had an art show since summer 2020 and that was outside! I went and put myself up on Only Fans."
"Right… how'd that go?" Cosima wonders privately if it involved paint, but maybe it doesn't matter. She imagines it involved a lot of leather.
"Very well, thanks for asking." Felix grins at her. "I made a decent buck at it, and finished an extra painting to boot."
"And your partner likes it?"
"Colin loves it." Felix laughs again. "And really… so do I."
"Great. Well that's something anyway." Cosima sighs. "I am not sure what I am doing anymore."
"Well you're Dr. Niehaus now. Wasn't that what you spent the last…decade of your life working on?"
"Well not quite a decade… more like 8 years including my time at Berkeley. But yes." Cosima corrects him first. "I meant about… becoming a parent."
"I cannot help you there. I am a good uncle. But… kids are not in the plans." Felix states calmly. "I am very happy with my relatively carefree existence… Aside from you lot."
"I just… I have no idea what to do with a baby. And they're tiny and helpless and I could drop them. Or hurt them. And you should see how small newborn clothes are dude… Like this tiny human is… miniscule. How am I going to dress them without like wrenching their arm or something?"
"You won't. Because then Delphine would kill you." Felix looks at her straight in the eyes. "I mean Sarah managed with Kira, and honestly… babies are pretty durable. Look at Helena's boys. They did fine."
"Helena had Alison and Donnie breathing down her neck, helping her. Changing diapers. Everything."
"True… but she had two." Felix sniffs slightly. "Twins is a different game. Totally exhausting. It's… too much for anyone. Or even two people… to really handle."
"Dude… are you sick again?"
"I already had Covid. Got one of the last PCR tests available to non risk groups before Christmas." Felix sniffs again, but brushes off her concern. "It's probably just a cold."
"Rapid test." Cosima quips. Delphine had a supply of rapid tests and had been making them both take them at the slightest sniffle. But nothing yet.
"I will… I'll let you go back to your baby planning. Maybe read a book?"
Cosima sighs. "Yeah we have those." She'd made her way through the painfully heteronormative The Birth Partner and was halfway through The Baby Book . Which was something anyway. That and the hypnobirthing book. But that was mostly watching Delphine do a variety of breathing and relaxation exercises designed to help her cope with labour. Which may or may not work. Something she wants help supporting Delphine with. Doubting her ability to manage just the two of them.
"Bye Cos. Try to relax. You're not the one about to pop."
"Yeah. Bye." Cosima spins in the chair aimlessly, before setting her leg down from her perched position. She wanders her way back downstairs and begins making lunch. She's positive Delphine will be hungry coming back from her appointment and that much she can manage.
"J'arrive." Delphine calls as she enters the house. Cosima stares across the front room. Delphine looks increasingly adorable. Even as she turns to move past the edge of the birthing pool occupying the space where their dining room table usually is right next to the kitchen.
"I see that." Cosima grins at her. She'd remembered watching Delphine get dressed that morning, thinking about how maternity leggings look extremely comfortable. Especially when Delphine had begun to complain about the fit of her maternity pants and jeans being too tight to be truly comfortable anymore.
"It went…well." Delphine tells her. "I saw Rachel. But Liz is on call again as of Sunday night."
"OK. So Liz is on call when you hit 40 weeks." Cosima adjusts the image of the birth in her mind. She pictures herself, Delphine, Liz and their hastily hired doula. Or if Delphine goes late, it will be Rachel after all. She wish she knew, wished she could plan better for it.
"I'm two centimetres dilated." Delphine tells her plainly. "I had my first cervical check, by my request."
Cosima perks up. "That's good, right? A soft, opening cervix? Baby should come… soonish?"
"It could still be weeks , Cosima. But my blood pressure is good. I have another growth scan booked for the 16th. And then if we go over, another scan is booked for 41 weeks."
"But Liz said a lot of first time moms go over. Or maybe Rachel did?" Cosima points out. She'd met the midwives only virtually. Something that made her a little uneasy as the birth approaches.
"Yes. Going 41 weeks is… almost expected. But if we hit 42, we have to consult for…induction." Delphine repeats the last word as if disgusted.
"We won't let that happen. Also… can we say no? We can… sometimes, right?" Cosima is quick to assure her wife, but unsure exactly what they can do if Delphine goes that late.
Delphine shakes her head. "It would be against medical advice. It's not common. But apparently they will let you, with near daily ultrasounds to check fluids. I don't know if I feel comfortable with that either. I think we should… deal with that when it becomes imminent."
"Right. So we'll try everything else to get the baby out before that happens." Cosima tells this confidently. Surely if Delphine is already dilated it should just… happen. Long before the 42 week mark.
"I'm going to ask them to stretch and sweep me right after Valentine's Day. See if we can, encourage her out."
Cosima vaguely understands the terms and that it basically means irritating Delphine's cervix and seeing if that gets things going. "You're that uncomfortable? Shouldn't we wait? You'll be 40 weeks on the 18th?"
"Yes. Rachel says she can strip the membranes, but she'd rather wait for the 18th. But that Liz is on call next and she might do it." Delphine looks as though she's considering. "Mon amour, I've loved being pregnant. I've loved growing our baby inside of me. But I'm uncomfortable and I really want her out."
"Totally fair." Cosima decides quickly, agreeing on the fly. Membrane stripping wasn't supposed to be too invasive and may get things going without further intervention. "I mean otherwise I'll get us a lot of spicy food and… we'll take lots of walks."
"I just… I want to meet Élodie. And… I really want her out of me… and off of my bladder. I have to pee… 20 times a day." Delphine makes this very clear, a hand pressed to her perfectly rounded belly. Which does look lower, Cosima thinks. But that makes sense she supposes. With birth approaching.
"Sure. So let's have one last romantic Valentine's Day and then fetal eviction." Cosima purses her lips, waiting for a laugh from Delphine that never really comes.
"We may manage something for Valentine's next year." Delphine suggests. "Élodie will be nearly a year old… we might… go out for dinner."
"Oooh." Cosima plays it up, suspecting eating out will get to be a lot less of a thing with a baby. "Well… restaurants are open…"
"I don't feel comfortable eating out." Delphine tells her clearly. "Not yet."
"OK. So we'll have… amazing takeout. Candlelight…" Cosima tries to draw Delphine into her fantasy. There'd have to be some kind of amazing dessert. Maybe lingerie… but she's not sure the sight of her in lingerie could stir anything but a tired look from her wife at this point.
"On a Monday."
"You're on maternity leave… I'm managing Leda shit… But… we can take a couple days just for us."
"Just us?" Delphine looks at her.
"I know there are technically three of us right now, but Elodie is still on the inside and relatively… unobtrusive."
Delphine muffles a laugh into her hand. "Look again, mon chou."
"Yes. I see the 39 week belly. It's fantastic." Cosima grins. "But we don't need a babysitter. No baby crying. No burping, or changing, or feeding…"
"You have a point." Delphine looks back. "I will be asking for a membrane sweep after."
"I know. And we'll see how that goes." Cosima agrees. Knowing she's all in for whatever appears.
"We have the virtual meeting with the other doula this evening." Delphine tells her.
"Good. I just… I didn't feel comfortable with Tara." Cosima is partially apologetic. But learning that first doula they'd talked to had never worked with any same sex couples just made her too uneasy. Even if Tara was enthused about it.
"That's fine." Delphine tells her. "So we'll talk to someone else. Luckily in covid there is a lot of availability."
"Too much." Cosima sighs. "Might drive them out of business."
"Perhaps. Some must do it for other reasons than just money."
"So… Lydia… How long have you been a doula for?" Cosima asks, eager to feel more involved with this process. She stares at the doula on the screen, taking in her long dangly earrings and her surprisingly coiffed appearance. She'd been expecting more of an aged hippie.
"Six years." Lydia responds quickly. Cosima can tell quickly Lydia is in her 40s, and seems comfortable. "I love supporting families through birth. I don't do postpartum work currently. But I have before."
"And you also photograph births, is that correct?" Delphine asks. "Thank you for sending your proof of vaccination. We appreciate it."
"Of course. I offer it to all my clients now." Lydia smiles. "As you're planning a home birth, hospital policies won't necessarily effect us if restrictions mount again. But you're allowed two support people typically."
"Right."
"As we want a physiologically natural birth," Delphine starts. "We want a doula who can… help us through that. And provide support to Cosima too… as my partner. This is our first pregnancy. We… do not know what we are doing."
"Sure." Lydia smiles. "We have a few tricks. I know when we emailed you said you'd been doing some hypnobirthing, which is great. Do you have a large exercise ball?"
"We do, yeah." Cosima nods.
"Good. My job is to support the two of you through birth no matter what. I have clients who want hospital births, I have clients who end up with emergency c-sections. All kind of choices. Some want epidurals. Some don't. I will assist wherever I can. Sometimes that's helping cope with labour. Sometimes that's talking through the interventions in the hospital. Sometimes it's helping parents understand what is going on if something unexpected happens."
"OK." Delphine nods. "Well… we really want to stay home. And I think we will understand fine."
"And we'll do whatever we can to keep you comfortable at home." Lydia assures them. "And if you go to the hospital… I can still accompany you in usual times.. Though maybe you'd rather have your midwife. Which is fine too. The problem is right now… hospitals are limiting those giving birth to one support person. So I am just doing homebirths and birth centre births for the moment."
"OK. And your photos. I saw those… and they look good." Cosima adds. Somehow she wants photos of the birth. Wants to capture some of this experience so it doesn't just slip through their fingers.
"Yes, that is a service I provide." Lydia smiles widely and shifts, showing off impeccably painted nails.
"Have you worked with same sex couples before?" Delphine asks.
"A few times, yes." Lydia confirms. "Once in hospital with two dads and their surrogate. They felt very strongly about capturing the moments they met their son. And their surrogate's role in their story. And the photos are on my website."
"I saw those ones." Cosima recalls. It was what drew her to Lydia as a possible doula above the other two candidates they'd spoken with.
"Yes. So… assuming you're still interested. Put me on speed dial." Lydia jokes. "Definitely call and do not text when in labour. I miss texts occasionally and I hate missing births."
"Sounds good." Cosima agrees, feeling that this decision should be a helpful one.
"Great. Well my fee is in two parts, a small fee to reserve my services and then the balance after the birth. I do not charge by the hour. Some parents have short labours. Others are long. So I don't penalize based on length."
"That sounds… very fair." Delphine decides.
"Perfect. Let's do it." Cosima tells Delphine. It's one more contact, but more support for the two of them during a homebirth. Something tells her they'll need it. It's not as if her and Delphine have any idea what they're doing. Reading about birth only goes so far and the book her mom had recommended was by some random hippie midwife out in Tennessee. She was reading it, to Delphine's utter amusement. But she's not so sure she will be able to sell Delphine on making out in early labour to speed things up.
"Yes. We'll need the help." Delphine decides. And Cosima wonders what is bothering Delphine. If it's nerves. Or if she simply wants someone more experienced with birth around while they go through this process.
"Most births are pretty straightforward. But everyone is different." Lydia smiles. "I have two kids. Both in school now, but… I love this work. And I am happy to get to do it again."
"And they are vaccinated?" Delphine confirms to a quick nod from Lydia.
"They're 12 and 14… all done."
"Great." Cosima grins, feeling that they've found someone who can support them. An almost… aunt-like presence. And maybe that's what they need.
"I look forward to meeting you both in person." Lydia waves at them, with a genuine smile. And Cosima feels a little more at ease.
"What do you think?" Cosima asks Delphine after the cal.
"What do you think, ma chérie. Will this help you?"
"Yeah. It will help me in helping you." Cosima tells her wife easily. "Lydia can take care of the practical stuff, give us labour coping strategies so I can just be present with you."
"That's all I want." Delphine assures her. "For us to do this together. And for Élodie to be born healthy. Of course."
"Of course." Cosima nods. "So.. do you want to go upstairs and lay on your side and let me massage you?"
"I could go for that… I do not know.. How far we will go."
"That's totally fine." Cosima is quick to assure her wife with a quick kiss. "We'll just… see where the mood takes us. And if I can make you more comfortable in the process, all the better."
February 14 2022
"Cosima…" Delphine's voice calls out gently to her. Stirring her from a restful sleep. Admittedly, Cosima was well aware Delphine no longer slept well. Just part of being super pregnant. Cosima had come to expect her wife getting in and out of bed at all hours.
Cosima moans as she's gently shaken awake. "What?"
"Cosima… I think I am having contractions."
"No you're not, it's early." Cosima mumbles sleepily. "We have… four days left? And Liz said you'll probably go over."
"I am." Delphine groans. "Not going over…" Her wife cuts off and Cosima looks over blearily and blinks as she reaches for her glasses on the nightstand. First Delphine is naked, secondly her hair looks…wet.
"Clearly not." Cosima sits up in the bed and turns on the lamp. She looks at Delphine who soon rights herself and seems more composed. "Babe… it's like 4:30 am."
"I have been up for an hour… trying to decide if this is labour or not."
"Did your waters break?" Cosima recalls being told in childbirth education that labour rarely began with the rupture of membranes, but figured she should ask.
"Non. Just… contractions. And it's too bright." Delphine whines. "Darkness is supposed to be better for dilation."
"Umm OK." Cosima flicks the lamp off again. "What do you want me to do?"
"Get your phone and time my contractions."
Delphine bends over the bed again, and Cosima can do nothing but stare back in the darkness. She fumbles for her phone and gets up. Following Delphine to the bathroom where her wife turns on the shower and climbs in, bending over under the spray.
They stay in the bathroom, Delphine on all fours in the shower, for a good hour.
"Well.. I mean they are pretty regular. But they're nowhere near active labour…" Cosima consults her app. "So we can probably just… rest or… try to rest and wait for real morning to call the midwives."
"Just text Liz." Delphine demands and Cosima does, sending a quick text detailing that they think labour has started and Delphine's contractions and a note that she'll be calling in the morning.
"Do you… want to try walking?" Cosima suggests, and Delphine agrees.
"Well I do not think I can sleep… so yes."
They dress slowly, and grab masks and bundle up before stepping outside into the snow.
"Just a short walk." Cosima assures Delphine. They walk around the complex, through the neighbourhood. Every seven or eight minutes Delphine stops, bending over for a moment. Totally silent.
"Early labour." Delphine speaks as if for her own benefit. "This… I can handle this. This is only early labour."
"Of course you can. And I will like… massage your back through every contraction if you want me to."
"We don't have a middle name." Delphine speaks with fear between contractions.
"Delphine… We have weeks to register her birth. We'll get it done. It's OK." Cosima rubs gently at her wife's back. "Come on… We'll finish our walk and go have breakfast."
"I am not sure I can eat."
Cosima pulls Delphine towards home. It's still dark, and maybe they can snack and rest at any rate. "You need to eat. As childbirth ed said, labour is marathon not a sprint. Got to fuel."
"Right." Delphine reluctantly agrees.
"We'll keep it really light." Cosima pushes a light porridge to Delphine. "Just eat a little bit."
"I'll try." Delphine had refused the other foods she'd offered. Munching a little bit of apple. The contractions continue, which Cosima thinks is promising.
"As soon as the sun is up… I'll call Lydia." Cosima assures her wife. She figures they have time.
"Can't we do something now? I want… I want this faster." Delphine sounds unexpectedly frustrated. And Cosima assumes the need to just get labour over with makes sense. It certainly doesn't look like fun.
"I'm sorry… they're only six minutes apart and lasting less than a minute." Cosima tells her. "This is still early labour. But hey, the sun will be up soon. We could… take another walk? Or I could bring the birthing ball down and you could bounce on it… or we could go up and down the stairs and hope that does something?" She runs through the list of suggestions and wonders if she should just call Lydia so the doula has the time to make it across town.
"Cosima… I need you to help me." Delphine whines at her, hazel eyes wide and pleading. Cosima softens, she wasn't expecting this much… vulnerability. Not this soon into the process.
"I am totally helping." Cosima assures her. "I am making you eat, giving you water, timing contractions… I mean … we could like make out for a while. Maybe there's something to it."
"I mean… we could." Delphine thinks aloud. "I am not sure that will help anything, mon amour."
"Well… it'll probably relax you.. And stimulate the right hormone release? It's all oxytocin, right?" Cosima suggests and is surprised when Delphine puts down her spoon, not for a contraction but to drag her into a kiss. A better kiss than she was expecting under the circumstances.
"Let's… get in the shower… on the second floor. Our bathroom is too many flights of stairs up." Delphine tells her plainly.
"Yeah. Let's do that for a while. You said it felt good last time." Cosima lets Delphine finish a few more bites of porridge before they head upstairs. She follows, stopping behind Delphine when she stops. Watches her wife brace on the stairs timing the contraction.
There aren't many towels in this bathroom, Cosima notes and she leaves Delphine temporarily alone under the spray while she jogs upstairs to fetch a few fluffy towels and bring them down to the other bathroom.
"Get in with me…"
"Yeah. Of course." Cosima strips off her clothes, tossing them on top of Delphine's shed maternity leggings and tunic. She climbs in behind her wife and begins with rubbing her back.
"OK." Delphine tells her, trying to decide how to proceed. "Kiss me."
She doesn't have to be asked twice. She kisses Delphine, lets her hands run over her body. Stopping whenever Delphine breaks away every six minutes or so. She watches her wife and sway and breath slow and deep.
"Yeah you're doing great." Cosima attempts reassurance. And then she's kissed again. When they reluctantly get out of the shower a good half hour later she's feeling more than mildly buzzed by the experience.
"Couch." Delphine tells her plainly, and she follows, bringing an extra towel. But instead of assuming a good sex or cuddling position, Delphine kneels on the couch so she can lean over it.
"Oh that looks relaxing." Cosima quickly texts the doula, before remembering that Lydia had been very insistent on being called. "I'm just going to call Lydia, OK?"
She quickly makes the call. "Well things are moving here."
"How far apart…"
"Umm like five or six minutes now… but she can still talk through them."
"OK. I'll head on over. We can try to get things moving faster." Lydia promises. "I'll text when I get in and you can come unlock the door."
"Doula called." Cosima announces wondering how much Delphine is really aware of around her as this is happening. "Lydia should be here soon. And until then… I will not leave your side. I promise." She should, however, get dressed. Delphine being naked wasn't that unexpected even if Delphine had purposefully bought both a maternity bathing suit top and a birthing gown for the occasion. But Cosima figured partners were definitely supposed to be dressed.
"Good." Delphine doesn't even look back at her. "Now stimulate my nipples."
"I mean technically we could have sex… you said we could up until your water breaks." Which hasn't happened yet, Cosima thinks. However she's not convinced any kind of sexual stimulation could be that satisfying right now. Maybe distracting at best.
"Cosima… just stimulate my nipples. With your hands. It's supposed to increase oxytocin which will strengthen contractions." Delphine groans. "I want this to go faster."
"Right… right." Cosima resumes manual nipple stimulation noting it does seem to intensify her wife's contractions. She decides to start kissing Delphine's back, maybe this could be a sensual experience. Maybe there was something to that crazy hippie midwife book. It supposedly had worked for her own mom back in the 80s.
"Non. Don't be sexy about it. Just do it."
"Fine." Cosima leans forward again. "Do you want me to use my mouth?" She knows Delphine's enjoyment of nipple stimulation has actually increased during her pregnancy.
"There's colostrum. It's been leaking into my bra for the last three months."
"Yeah. I know. It's been there for months. More and more of it. Doesn't bother me."
"Cosima…" Delphine moans but it sounds affectionate.
"What?"
"Can you hold me?"
"Uhh yeah. But then we have to change positions. Are you comfortable leaning over like that?"
"Yes."
"OK. We'll make it work." Cosima contorts herself a little to cuddle into Delphine. She strokes her cheek, kisses her again and waits to see how her wife reacts.
"Keep stimulating… I … I think it's working." Delphine groans and goes quiet again, breathing through it.
"You look like a total pro right now." Cosima tells her affectionately. Stroking her back.
"I do not feel like a pro."
"Ah but you're doing amazing… and that …'' Cosima looks at her contraction timer. "Was five minutes." She smiles, and Delphine smiles back. And it feels suddenly OK. Like they're doing something right.
"OK… Let's keep this moving." Delphine tells her decisively. And Cosima cannot blame her. Wanting Elodie out was a huge part of this.
She breaks away only to quickly throw on clothes and let Lydia in, and Delphine insists on coming downstairs with her. Her wife is leaning and swaying against the counters. The sun is well up before she thinks they've hit active labour. Cosima hastily calls Liz.
"I will get there as soon as I can. Luckily I don't live too far from you." Liz assures them. And then the call ends.
"OK… Midwife called." Cosima assures Delphine. Lydia mostly keeps her distance, as agreed. While giving them both ideas for coping better. She's applying counterpressure to Delphine's back.
"Oh you're doing amazing Delphine." Cosima heaps on the praise, but sees Delphine looking doubtfully at her.
"I do not feel amazing… I think… I understand why people get the epidural now." Delphine drops her head, another contraction.
"And that's three minutes apart. We're in active labour." Lydia tells them, having taken over the timing. Cosima knows Lydia photographs them. Her rubbing Delphine back, and when they settle back on the couch she captures a kiss before Cosima begins to worry, just a little as fluids leak from Delphine.
"It's fine… part of dilating… that's… the rest of her mucus plug." Lydia tells her quickly. "There's nothing wrong… birth is just messy. I think I will start filling the birthing pool. I think… things are getting closer."
Cosima, who doesn't want to see anything stained red dripping down Delphine's inner thighs, does her best to calm herself. "Hey we're getting so close. And you? You can do anything for 60 seconds. Anything." Cosima tells her wife.
"Anything." Delphine repeats. "One contraction at a time." She repeats a mantra from one of the books she read.
"And let's… breathe slowly in and out." Lydia coaches, Cosima applies pressure and they just keep going. One contraction at a time. The door swings open, but Cosima is too fixated on Delphine to notice. Delphine sways, she sees her belly tense, watches her move her hips through each contraction and is stunned by it.
"I want to be done…" Delphine groans. "This… this is really hard now."
"You can do hard things.. And if you don't want to anymore… that's OK too… Do you want some food?" Cosima offers knowing it's well past lunch time now.
"Non." Delphine gets out, but she doesn't even look up. She's ... not all here Cosima realizes. And maybe that is just part of labour.
"Midwife's here." Cosima announces, finally noticing Liz. Liz is beaming behind her faceshield. She goes over for a moment. "Hey Liz… Good to… finally meet you in person… Uhhh I think you should offer to check dilation."
"So… how is it going?" Liz asks.
Delphine screams out loudly once, and it startles her. She's been so quiet this whole time. Moaning or groaning… but nothing like that.
"Uhh increasingly intense… I got to run." Cosima scurries back over to Delphine who is leaning against the kitchen counter. She returns to applying counter pressure, as it's the only damn thing she can think of to do
"That's good, Cosima. Like that." Lydia tells her.
A small moan from Delphine seems to confirm that this is happening. "This was a terrible idea." Delphine groans out, rocking on the floor on her hands and knees.
"That bad?" Cosima winces a little. And she knows they're nearing the end of labour but that she has had the easy role in all this. She can massage Delphine's back during every single contraction, but she cannot take away the pain or exhaustion.
Liz looks at them thoughtfully. "Let's try the pool."
"Now?" Delphine perks up a little.
Cosima, remembering how much Delphine had loved being in the shower in early labour, nods enthusiastically. "Yeah. Let's try water. It's worth a shot."
They all have to help Delphine climb in, but once she's in she seems to quiet, moving her position to rest in the pool.
"It helps?" Cosima looks at her hopefully.
"It does help. Yes." Delphine agrees, a small smile playing on her tired face.
"Can I check dilation?" Liz asks, gloving up and Delphine gives her consent in a hurried nod. It shouldn't feel awkward, Cosima tells herself, but she looks away anyways.
"How far now?"
"Uhh… eight and a half centimetres… almost nine… Waters still intact, for now." Liz grins widely. "Hey we're almost done. You're going to have a little Valentine's baby. How cool is that?"
"That's… awesome." Cosima tells them both. "Delphine… We are like…. Almost done this part."
And she counts the next eight contractions staying close to the pool. Arms hanging over the edge, offering her hands for Delphine to hold on to. Looking for some kind of shift, kind of change in Delphine. She's read that after transition there's usually a bit of a break. A short period right before pushing where Delphine will feel better. A little time to rest. But there's nothing.
"Cosima… get in with me." Delphine whines at her.
Cosima looks between her naked wife in the pool and her midwife. Who is suddenly on the phone? Maybe calling for the secondary midwife. She knows that she and Delphine will get a secondary presence at the birth. Someone else on call that they won't really know as backup. She tries not to mind it.
"Go on Cosima. You can run upstairs and grab a bathing suit if you want to." Liz shrugs. "Usually partners don't get naked. But whatever whatever. I have seen a lot of naked moms in the last 10 years."
"Cosima…" Delphine whimpers and she hears her wife quickly undress, climbing into the pool in nothing but her underwear.
"I am here. I am totally here for this." Cosima reassures her, hands stroking her arms.
"Hold me." Delphine demands, burying her face in Cosima's neck. She moans through contractions, making a loud guttural cry once, but Cosima doesn't flinch.
"I am here." Cosima repeats. "I am right here with you." It's all she can do, be with her through this.
And she is, Cosima thinks as the contraction passes and Delphine relaxes in her arms. She kisses her once, lightly and Delphine smiles. They can do this.