Author Notes - This is basically this 'Oh God What Have We Done?' portion of the story, right before the 'climax' with Bella. Also where I really take a hammer to the whole 'because she likes you' bullcrap. In case I haven't done that already.

Also, thirty favourites? Dang. I-I'm flattered, just a little surprised.

CHAPTER SIX - WE SCREWED UP

'Girls, we literally screwed up big time.'

Lori hadn't exactly expected her sisters to agree with her right off the bat, but the universal shocked expressions took her by surprise. It didn't fill her up with anything other than dread, making her wonder just what she and the media they watched had been teaching them. Apparently, Yo, Andrew! was not a good example of a healthy relationship.

'But that's, like, how it works!' Leni said. 'When a girl picks on you, that only ever means she likes you. Isn't that what you said, Lori?'

The eldest sister cringed. 'Yes, that is what I said. And that's what I thought. But - and I never thought I would have to say this - I think Lincoln is right.'

Lincoln gave her a look. 'I'm usually cool with being made fun of, but I don't think now is the time for that.'

'But how?!' Lola cried. 'Why would a girl bully someone if she didn't like him?'

'Ya know,' Lana said. 'I was just thinking the same thing. But then I remembered all the stuff that you do to people, and… I'm starting to think that sometimes girls are just jerks.'

'WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!'

Lola proceeded to do the same thing Lola did whenever she was angry or challenged - she started a fistfight with her twin. It didn't last too long, but only because Lynn did the bravest thing anyone could have ever done: she picked Lola up by the back of her collar and held her up like a little kitty. And, like an angry kitty, Lola lashed her claws out everywhere, just waiting until she struck something. It took a few minutes before she ceased her attacks, and only because she realised she wasn't gonna hit anything.

'I mean, Lana's not wrong.' Lynn said. 'Like, if Lola beat up a boy cos he got her dress dirty, does that mean she likes him?'

'EW, no!' Lola yelled. 'Lana's gross enough. I don't want that as boyfriend material!'

Lana grinned. 'That's more for me!'

'Now that's just a fallacy of false equivalency.' Lisa remarked. 'We're all under the agreement that physical abuse such as Lynn's example is the incorrect way to treat someone you care about. This does not exactly prove Lincoln's point.'

'Alright then,' Lincoln said. 'What about this? If a boy started calling you 'Four-Eyes', or took your wig away and teased you for that, how would you react?'

Lisa scoffed. 'If a boy did such things, it would be a sign of a lack of maturity, even for his age. Such childish insults are laughable.'

'But really imagine it, Lisa. What if a boy said such things to you? Would you assume that he was doing it just because he liked you?'

The young scientist decided to humour her older brother and imagine such a scenario. If she had the time, she'd skip the 'imagination' step and just build a simplistic robot of sorts to insult her. And trash it right afterwards because that would be a pretty pointless robot. But imagined it she did, thinking about that cute David boy or that paste-eating kid saying such childish insults to her.

At first, she didn't care at all. After all, she didn't care about inane human emotions. But, the more she felt about such insults, the angrier she got. How dare Paste-Boy make fun of her astigmatism! The nerve of David to pick on a bald girl! Why, if that was their way of showing her that they liked her, then…

'Oh.' She said, simply. 'Now that I really think about it, that does not sound like love. And, I must admit, all I know about the heart is its purposes related to circulation. Truthfully, I'm not sure how to go about it. Nothing in my vast library of books covers such a topic.'

'And if someone starts saying that stuff about you for real,' Luna said. 'You let us know. We'll teach 'em a lesson they won't soon forget.'

'Exactly!' Lincoln said, throwing his arms up. 'If a boy bully is just a big jerk, then why is it different for me?'

Leni put her hand up in the air, as if she was in class. 'Oh, I know, I know! It's a, uh…' She furrowed her brow. 'Double-layered cake!' Her smile faded. 'Wait, that's not right…'

Lisa sighed. 'Close, but not really. It's a double standard, and… now that it's been pointed out, I feel like an ignoramus.'

'Looks like this entire situation was our double fault!' Luan said, punctuating it with a laugh far more awkwardly than usual. 'Get it? Cos… tennis puns? Not that this situation has anything to do with... Okay, I'll shut up now.'

And that really did it for the sisters: the simple fact that Luan was willfully shutting up. They all remained silent, allowing this situation - and how much they screwed up - to sink in. All the while, Lincoln gave them the most incredulous look he could manage. He would've been smirking if the bruised eye didn't still hurt a little.

Soon, all the sisters erupted into a mess of apologies. So much of a mess it was impossible to understand. Lori had to take her shoe off and bash it on her dresser to get them all to be quiet. With her sisters silenced, she knelt down so she could look her brother eye-to-eye.

'Look Lincoln,' She said. 'On behalf of all of us… we are sorry. We screwed up a lot. More than you ever have, even.'

'Your apology is kinda undercut if you insult me during it.' Lincoln remarked.

'The point is, we screwed up. Big time. And I mean that literally.'

A part of Lincoln wanted to stay mad at them for getting him into this situation in the first place, but he simply couldn't. No one in this family, even Lola, could stay mad at each other for long, even if it required some sort of crazy scheme. Not to mention that Lincoln got a little satisfaction out of his sisters apologising to him instead of the other way round for once.

Especially after they had made such a big deal out of always being right just a few weeks before.

'Aw… it's okay.' He said. 'You meant well. I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that this was a good idea, but you meant well.' He frowned. 'But… now what? Apologising for putting me in this situation doesn't help get me out of it.'

'Well, that's an easy answer.' Lana said. 'Just break up with her! That always goes well.'

Lola gave her a look. 'That never goes well. When has that ever gone well on the Dream Boat?!'

'Seeing as TV also says that a girl would only bully a boy because she liked him,' Luna remarked. 'Which is what got our bro into this mess in the first place, I don't think we should be following TV's advice on getting out of this situation.'

Lola gave the rocking sister a slight death glare, much less scarier than usual but still a little unnerving, and still more than enough to make Luna flinch. Lincoln, meanwhile, winced just a little. His sisters knew something wasn't quite right when his look of anger and frustration was slowly replaced with sadness with a bit of fear.

'Actually…' He said. 'Lola's right?'

'She's right?!' The other sisters yelled at once.

Lola smirked. 'Of course I'm right.' Her smirk faded. 'Wait, I am?'

Lincoln nodded. 'She's been controlling me whenever we're together. She doesn't even want me to hang out with my own sisters. I'm… I'm worried what she would do if I tried breaking up with her. She told me that if I don't do what she tells me to do, she'll… she'll tell everyone that I hit her.'

Cue the simultaneous gasp from each of the girls.

'What?!' Lana cried. 'You hardly hit anyone!'

'I mean, he sometimes hits us.' Lynn said. 'But, ya know, only when we're fighting. And he never starts it anyway. And it's not like he could do that much damage.'

Lincoln aimed his annoyed look at her. 'What part of 'this is not the time to tease me' did you not understand?'

'Wait, I'm confused…' Leni said. 'If she hit you, why would she say that you hit her?'

'Normally,' Lisa said. 'I would regard your queries as moronic and obvious to anyone.'

'Hey!'

The young scientist sighed. 'But I must admit, the decision confuses me as well. I do not understand why Bella would accuse Lincoln of her own crime unless…' She gasped. 'She's trying to slander him!'

All of the sisters - even Lily, to the best of her ability - rambled all at once about how this would 'tarnish' their brother's 'good name', though it took Leni a little while to realise what exactly 'slander' meant. Lily crawled out of the crowd and sat by Lincoln's feet, reaching her hands up and motioning for a hug, more for his sake than hers. And how could he refuse such an adorable offer? He lifted her up into his arms, and already he felt just a little less stressed. Lily had that effect sometimes, when she wasn't crying or in need of a change.

Lori saw her sisters getting out of control once again, and slammed her shoe against the 'gavel'. She had to hit it a couple extra times to get everyone's attention.

'... and banish her to the Underworld,' Lucy said, unaware that everyone else had stopped talking already. 'The souls of the damned will take care of-' Only then did she realise that everyone was staring at her in horror. 'What? A little too grim?'

Lori sighed. 'Girls, our meddling was precisely what got Lincoln into this mess to begin with. Maybe we should let him call the shots. For once. I mean, he is literally the only reason any of us manage to get to school on time some days.'

'Thank you, Lori.' Lincoln said, soaking up that bit of praise perhaps a little too much. 'The problem is… I'm not sure what any of you can really do. Embarrassing jokes, deafening cymbals, or… banishment to the Underworld aren't really going to help. It's practically a lose-lose situation. Either she ruins my reputation by claiming that I punched my own girlfriend, or I get made the laughing stock of the school because I had to get my butt saved by girls from a girl.'

'Hey!' Lynn yelled. 'Why is that embarrassing? You think girls are weak or something?'

'What? No! Why would I think that? You beat me up on a daily basis! I'm not the one who believes that junk. It's the other kids. To them, a boy getting beaten up by a girl is soooooooooo funny because girls are weak, apparently.'

Luna groaned so hard that she threw her head back. 'Bogus, dude! Ugh, is there anything without some backwards double standard?'

Lincoln turned around and headed back to the window, though now without any intent to sneak out through it (which would've been a terrible idea anyway). His eyes drifted throughout the town; Lori and Leni's living room had a surprisingly good view, all things considered. It had been weeks since he had some proper friend time with 'the guys', or even properly met the newest group member who also happened to be the first girl. He could only hope they still considered him a friend. He knew that Clyde would forgive him for this mess, but he wasn't sure about the others…

'I'm not sure what I can do…' He said, sighing. 'I can't have my entire reputation ruined. Either I'll get laughed at, or demonised. The only way to avoid that is to stay in this relationship with her, a-and… I'm not sure how much more of this I can handle.'

'Winky do it!'

He had almost forgotten that Lily was tight in his arms, but he certainly remembered when she wrapped her arms around him as far as they would go and hugged him tighter than ever. Her ability to understand a situation, even if only to a basic degree, never failed to impress him.

'Winky man wiff pwan!' She said. 'Winky make it out!'

Her ability to make him happy and proud never failed to impress him either. His frown crept into a smile, if a small one.

'Lily's totes right, Linky!' Leni said, stepping out just a little from the crowd. 'Even when you screw up, you always, like, find a way to fix it. You totes got this!'

'Even if your plans often derail and go horribly wrong in an overly-cartoony manner.' Lisa remarked.

'LISA!' The other sisters yelled.

'YOU'RE NOT HELPING!' Lola shouted.

'I apologise, and will refrain from any more snarky comments!'

Indeed, Lisa wasn't helping, but Lincoln didn't need any more help. His sisters were right - he was the Man With the Plan! He handed Lily over to Lori, so he could do some think-pacing around the room.

'Well…' He said. 'The first thing that comes to mind involves faking my own death, which-'

'Seems a little extreme?' Lori finished, cocking an eyebrow.

'Yeah, I thought so too. … But it's tempting…'

'Come on, Lincoln. I know you can do it. We know you can do it.'

The other girls stayed quiet while Lincoln tried coming up with a plan that didn't require him to convince everyone he was dead. It wouldn't be easy, but if even his sisters had unfettered hope in him, he knew he could do it.

So the obvious solution is to break up with her. But if I do that, she'll tell everyone I hit her and my reputation will sink even more than it already has. My sisters could handle it for me, but then I'll be a laughing stock because of stupid sexism. We know that already. I'm sure as heck not staying with her, because then I would go crazy. If I haven't already.

I really need to break up with her, but who knows what she'd do to me? I'd need to…

He gasped. 'I think I've got something! Girls, remember when I filmed and uploaded all those embarrassing videos of you?'

Lori groaned. 'You had to remind me.'

Luan grinned. 'What a great plan, Lincoln! Film her doing embarrassing things, and then upload them onto the internet, and make her the laughing stock. I'd hate to break my golden rule, but I can make an exception for a big jerk like Bella.'

Lincoln shook his head. 'Not quite, though you're not far off. If I break up with her, then she'll make everyone hate me. Or possibly beat me up. But, if we have one of you filming the whole thing, then we can expose her lies!

He slammed his fist into his open palm, in an attempt to look like he was straight out of an action movie trailer, only for it to hurt a little. It seemed appropriate that the only person he could hurt was himself.

'Oh, that's a much better idea!' Luan said.

'Not exactly the most creative idea,' Lori said. 'But it still works!'

'Sometimes,' Lincoln said. 'You gotta go simple.'

'I am quite proficient in setting up security cameras.' Lisa said. 'Once a proper location is decided, I'll set up as many cameras as I can.'

Lana gave her an odd look. 'What do you know about security systems? I don't see any fancy cameras anywhere.'

Lisa gave her a nervous smile, with her eyes darting back and forth. 'Uh, they're in my… bunker. Yeah, that's it.'

Lincoln swiped Lori's shoe away from her, and she would've murdered him for that if it wasn't for his awful situation. So, she clenched her fists and ignored it, even when he banged it against the dresser.

'Today, we'll figure out how to break me up with Bella!' He declared.

Luan shot her fist into the air. 'It's time to kick Operation Break Our Little Bro Up With That Jerk After We Screwed Up Because Our Terrible Advice and Think of a Shorter Name for This Operation into action!'

Everyone, Lincoln most of all, looked at the joker with the most confused and concerned expressions any of them could manage.

'Wut?' Lynn asked.

'It seemed like fun like Lincoln did it!' Luan said. 'Okay, I'll keep quiet.'

Author Notes - I wanted this story to be serious and a little dark, but not to the point of being bleak or emotionally painful to get through. I know how awful it can be when a story is so dark and bleak that it becomes difficult to care or even read, so I'm trying to avoid that. So, I figured the 'climax' of the story could involve a Loud sibling scheme of sorts, albeit one that's a little more simple and run-of-the-mill than Lincoln's usual plans.

If you're worried about the story's tone getting a little too light, don't worry too much. Before the tone gets light, we'll be seeing Bella at her absolute worst. A storm before the calm, if you will. ... Call me Luan, because my jokes suck. (The irony of course being that I like Luan's puns...)