Strap in
TW: Self harm, suicide attempt...
Being a mother was something that had always been Medda's dream. Ever since she was a little girl she'd known she would be a mother, and a good one at that. She would be the right amount of strict and the perfect amount of soft and loving and generous and she would never let anything come between her and her children.
Devastation was something Medda only knew the true meaning of when she found out from the mouth of a doctor that she would never be able to have kids of her own. At the time, she hadn't known it was divine intervention, maybe a miracle. If she hadn't gotten that news, she never would have had her boys. Her Spencer and her Jack, her babies. She just never thought about the dangers of the world, the fact that just because she may have children didn't mean she would get to watch them grow old or be able to ward off every evil that came at her boys.
She hadn't been ready for that day. She still wasn't and never would be. All she could remember was that day, not the ones that followed. In fact, the next six months of her life had been a complete and utter blur. All she knew was that Jack was gone; her little Jack Kelly.
Walking home from school wasn't supposed to be scary. She was never supposed to have to worry about her teenage son walking home from school. Still, one day, Jack hadn't come home. Medda had called every hospital, every police station. Her son was missing. Agony had been all that she could feel.
It was easy to blame herself for everything that fell apart after that. Her marriage, her eldest son, herself. She couldn't stop any of it. She'd lost her youngest son, her baby. Then, she had nearly lost everything else.
None of them had been able to go into Jack's old room for years. Looking at his things, all of it was too painful, especially for Spencer. Lord knows that boy lost himself after Jack had gone missing. She'd thought she would lose him forever.
Now, everything was supposed to be better. It was, at least her baby was back with her. That was enough to make Medda feel like she could jump over the moon. And Tyler… Tyler was precious. That child was innocent and pure and she'd known the moment she saw him that that little boy was her son's son. Tyler looked nothing like her Jack except for one perfect thing. That child had her son's smile.
"Baby?" she called, knocking on Jack's door gently. It was cracked open. She peeked inside.
The blankets were pulled up completely over the boy who was now a young man. He was hidden and curled up beneath a big comforter. It was cold. The window was open and the blinds were cracked. So many noises were coming into the room. She could hear reporters outside, their neighbors trying to get to their houses without making statements on a boy they barely knew anymore.
With a small sigh, Medda sat down on the edge of her son's bed. "Jack, your doctor is here. Dr. Denton?" she assured him. "I know I told you, but… it's alright if you forgot, honey." She didn't try to figure out if he was awake. She didn't try to make sure he was listening. She just spoke, fearing lifting that blanket and finding an empty bed. "Tyler's down there drawing. He said his daddy taught him everything he knows about drawing," she breathed, glancing around the room at the paintings on the walls, the unfinished drawings. "He's telling Denton all about the TV planets and how he thought the world was outer space and that…" Medda felt like she couldn't breathe when she thought about all of that. "That it was just you and him left in Room. And that was it…"
The lump beneath the blankets shifted. Medda saw that brown hair peek out from the small cocoon and she reached to twirl her fingers in it. Jack only flinched a little bit. He groaned and she saw him reach a hand up to wipe at his face, so she pulled the blankets down just a little bit. He looked up at her with a far off look in his eyes and her heart shattered in her chest. Her son looked so different now.
"Honey, you need to go down. Dr. Denton is being very gracious by doing these home visits," she insisted. "It's just an hour—"
"I ain't goin' down," Jack muttered simply before twisting over on the bed and pulling the blankets back over his head.
If there was one thing anyone should know about Jack Kelly, it was that he was stubborn as a bull. "Jack, this is a group visit. Tyler's down there with him right now and you need to join him—"
"Tyler is fine!" Jack groaned. "Just leave me alone!"
Medda sighed and leaned down to kiss her son's head from over the heavy coverings. It was as close as she could get. She would take it for now. "I love you, Jack. I'm going to send Denton up before he leaves," she whispered. "Just try and talk to him…" And then she patted his leg and stood, giving him one more glance before forcing herself to walk to the door, making sure not to close it before she descended the stairs.
"And what's this?"
"This is me n' Daddy riding a Narwhal," Tyler explained from down the stairs. Medda melted as she heard it. "Daddy talked about Narwhals once when he was happy in Room. He says they're good n' weird n' weird makes things good."
The doctor smiled and chuckled a bit at that and Medda shrugged when he saw her. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I tried—"
"It's alright," he insisted as the child in the room kept drawing. "It's alright, this is a stressful time. I can check on him after."
The doctor was kind and gentle and Medda nodded. "I can pay you—"
With a shake of his head, Denton stopped her from continuing at all as he turned back to Tyler. "Oh, what is that?" he asked, pointing at the new addition to the little drawing.
"It's the alien that sent me down from heaven," the boy stated, like it should have been obvious. Medda found herself unable to look away, watching this boy babble on about the nonsense that filled his innocent mind. She prayed he could stay that way forever. "Once upon a time, Daddy was all alone," he began to recite expertly. "He would sit in front of TV for hours till he was a zombie. Then one day, an alien sent me down from heaven…"
Medda got lost in the story.
The time of day didn't seem to matter anymore. Nothing did. All Jack knew was that he didn't know what to do, what he wanted to do. Everything was hard and frustrating and he just felt in the way. Maybe he was.
Days blurred together. He was sure he hadn't moved for at least one. He had no idea what time it was, only that there was an annoying pain in his stomach and an even more annoying sound in the room. He sighed, groaning a bit as he recognized the noise as Dora the Freaking Explorer. Jack had been listening to that annoying voice in the morning for the past five years.
It only took him a moment to realize that there wasn't a television in his room and he groaned again, grabbing a pillow and pressing it over his ear. It didn't quite drown out the sound like he wanted it to. Jack couldn't figure out why he was so frustrated. He tried to take deep breaths. The sounds of that ridiculous cartoon was setting him off and it wasn't doing anything to hurt him. It wasn't like Jack needed anymore sleep. He'd been doing nothing but resting since he'd gotten here.
He just couldn't listen to that cartoon, the one that reminded him too much of a place he never wanted to think about again, a place he'd never be able to forget. "Tyler…" he grumbled. "Take that downstairs, please?" he asked, not quite as gently as he should have. It wasn't really a question. Still, the child that Jack assumed was sitting on the floor over by the window didn't move. "Tyler," he called again. Still, nothing.
Scowling up at the ceiling as Jack exasperatedly rolled onto his back and growled a bit again, he found an anger rising up in him. He didn't even know who he was mad at anymore. Maybe Spider, maybe Amelia, maybe his son who wasn't listening, maybe at himself. He didn't care. All he knew was he couldn't stop it.
He shoved himself up, off of that bed, marching over to the little boy who was watching TV on Mama's phone. Jack rolled his eyes. He pulled Race up by the wrists, taking the phone from him. His son gasped and whimpered a little bit, but Jack was too irritated to stop. He knew what he was doing wasn't the best way to handle this situation, but he couldn't stop it. He just wanted things to be normal again, he wanted things to feel normal.
Dragging the boy down the stairs was all that Jack could think to do. His son was only whining slightly, not like other kids who would've been kicking and screaming. Tyler just stumbled after him, stunned and confused and Jack kept going, slamming his mother's phone down on the coffee table before grabbing an untouched lego box. "Tyler James, you've barely even touched your toys! Other kids would kill ta have these and you don't even look at them! Look!" he insisted, randomly piecing some blocks together. "Try it! It's a fucking blast." Then he got up and fell back onto the couch, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Tyler hesitantly and nervously begin to build the blocks.
Maybe he was being harsh. Jack didn't care. He could hardly feel anything right now, he didn't know what he was supposed to feel other than happy, but he didn't feel happy, he still felt as trapped as he'd been before and that only made him feel guilty because he knew he wasn't supposed to feel that way anymore. "Jack—"
"You know, ma, I don't give him my phone, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't give him yours," Jack snapped, glaring up at his mama who looked down at him with a certain look in her eyes, one silently urging him to settle down. Jack ignored the guilt that built up in his chest even further.
His mother raised her eyebrows and sighed. "Fine. I won't give him my phone."
The scowl on Jack's face was hard to keep there. He was angry. It's why that scowl surfaced in the first place, but for the love of God, he couldn't figure out why he was so furious at this moment. That just made him want to cry and he wished once again that none of this had ever happened only for an ache to surface in his chest as he thought about his little boy who had come from that disaster. Tyler was his son, he was more grateful for Tyler than anything else in the universe but that didn't stop Jack from imagining what might have been if the boy never needed to exist.
It was an endless cycle of pain and guilt and suddenly Jack just longed for a way to make it stop forever until he forced himself to look down at that child and his lip quivered. "I just want him to connect with something…" he mumbled, his voice watery and broken. Because Tyler deserved to be a normal kid, just like any other and Jack might have ruined those chances for him forever. Others might tell him it wasn't his fault. Jack would never be able to see it that way. All of this was his fault.
As his mother sat down beside him and ran a hand over his hair, Jack let his head fall into his hands as she shushed him. He didn't notice his brother sitting down with Tyler, he didn't notice Teddy in the kitchen making breakfast, all he knew was nothing felt right, he didn't know where he was or what he was supposed to be doing. He felt out of place and he wished he just didn't have to think anymore. "He's doing just fine," Mama assured. "He's alright, honey."
Shaking his head and letting a few tears roll down his cheeks, Jack sniffled. "I-I don't know what's wrong with me…" he whimpered, trying to figure out how to take a proper breath. "I'm supposed to be happy."
"Oh, baby," Mama whispered. "You need some rest—"
"No, I don't!" Jack shouted, looking up and ignoring the stunned looks that were coming from around him. "I don't need fucking rest—"
"That is just what the doctor said—" Mama tried.
Still, Jack wouldn't hear of it. "You have no idea what the fucking doctor said!" he cried. "It was a confidential conversation! So no, you don't know what he said!" Maybe he hadn't meant to snap all of it. He hadn't meant for his mother to get up and leave him sitting alone on the couch. He almost apologized, almost begged her to come back, not to leave him. Almost.
"I get it, alright?" she snapped. "You're impossible to talk to right now."
She shook her head, making her way back over to the kitchen before Jack muttered under his breath in an insincere manner, "well, gee, I'm sorry."
Whirling around at that, Jack's mother shook her head. "No you're not," she stated knowingly.
"You know what?" Jack laughed bitterly. "You're right, I ain't sorry! Because what the hell do I have ta be sorry for, huh? You have no idea what is going on in my head—"
"Try me, James!" Medda demanded, making Jack flinch a bit. She rarely used his full name. It was almost terrifying.
A scoff escaped the young man who was feeling more and more like a boy with each passing moment. "And then what? Then… then every time you look at me that's all you see?"
"When I look at you, Jack Kelly, all I will ever see is my son!" the woman cried.
Jack didn't look down to see his little boy covering his own ear, terrified of what was happening as Specs sat close to him, trying to reassure him that everything was alright. He just shook his head and let the tears run down his face. "You don't need me," he stated, gesturing around the house. "Look around, ma, you've been doing just fine without me—"
"Is that a joke?" Medda asked, appalled and heartbroken and nearly angry. "Do you think that your life was the only one that was destroyed?!"
Not even flinching, Jack nodded with another scoff. "Yeah, actually, that's exactly what I think," stated. "My life was the only one that was actually taken like it was fucking nothing—"
"Do you have any idea what your brother and father and I went through?" the woman demanded.
Specs sighed. "Ma, don't—"
Jack's mama did not stop. Jack wasn't sure she could. "Your father never slept. He didn't eat, he didn't go outside, he didn't—"
"Oh please, tell me more about how pop confined himself to his home, yeah, I know nothing about that," Jack challenged.
"Oh, and you're telling me if someone were to take Tyler away from you, your life wouldn't completely fall apart?!" Medda demanded.
Only Jack knew all too well that that was a possibility. "Well being that no one seems to believe that he's mine, I guess that could happen any day now, can't it?" Jack growled. "Look, I'm sorry if I'm not the nice, carefree airhead that you all wanted back, but ya know what, maybe being nice is what got me here in the first place!" His voice escalated, coming out as a raw cry near the end. "Maybe if Medda the moral compass hadn't been in my head, telling me to be 'nice,' my dumbass wouldn't have stopped to help the crying girl with the fucking sick dog!" With that, Jack was up, unable to listen to this for a second long. "Stay there, Tyler!" he snapped, marching up the stairs of the house and slamming the door shut behind him.
And then he broke down all over again between four walls.
Tyler didn't like this at all. There were people everywhere and Daddy hadn't been out of his room a lot since he'd yelled at Grandma. Daddy never talked that loud. It hurt Racer's ears.
Now it was even louder. There were more peoples in the house. They were giant and they had big boxes with them. Uncle Specs said they were cameras. Daddy was talking to all of them. He didn't want to. That's what he said to Grandma when Tyler heard him earlier. Daddy wanted to be done. Tyler didn't know what he meant.
Now Daddy was outside. He was wearing weird clothes. It covered all of him and there was something around his neck that was choking him. Daddy kept pulling at it and Tyler watched him from the window on Couch as he sat up on his knees. The little boy just wanted his daddy to come back inside so they could do what they used to do in Room. Racer missed Room. Things were easy in Room and Daddy was always right next to him, even on the Gone Days. Race liked morning stretches and cartoons. But this was where they lived now. That's what his daddy told him.
The cushion dipped beside the boy, like it did when Daddy would watch TV with him in Room. Only, when Tyler looked up, Daddy wasn't beside him. No, Uncle Specs was. Daddy was still outside talking to the aliens— no, the persons. The giants with big black boxes. "Hey, buddy," Uncle Specs smiled. "It's time to come hang out in the family room, okay? You remember what your daddy said—"
The little boy shook his head. "Why can't I stay with Daddy?"
"Because," Uncle Specs answered simply, offering the child his hand. So Race took it begrudgingly and hesitantly, letting the man lead him from Couch into the other giant room. All these rooms were giant rooms.
The front door opened and all those voices were even louder so Tyler covered his ears until he saw his daddy. "Now, you're in control," a person said as Daddy nodded. "If something makes you uncomfortable, you say no or shake your head, and we'll move on." Nodding his head, Daddy was led to a chair. Tyler peaked around the wall to see him, ready to rush up to him, but too scared an alien would scoop him up before he could get there. "Let's begin, shall we?" The person was weird looking, skinny and fragile, like glass. She had blond hair and dull eyes, but a soft voice. It was like Spider's voice sometimes when he talked to Daddy in the dark. A shiver went down the boy's spine and he didn't know why. "James, I can't even begin to imagine what you've gone through," she began. "To be a prisoner for so long, isolated and alone." Daddy looked more than uncomfortable. He was shifting in his chair like he did whenever Tyler asked about outer space where Spider lived. "Did you ever consider taking your own life, just to make it end?"
The tears that rolled down his daddy's face were awful. Tyler hated it when Daddy cried. "U-uh," he shook his head. "I-I'm sorry…" he tried to smile. It was weird to see Daddy like this, dressed the way he was, acting shy. Daddy wasn't shy.
"It's alright," the odd woman assured as she handed his daddy a box of tissues. Daddy took one and wiped at his face. "It's alright, you're doing great." Grandma walked over to rub Daddy's back and he tensed. "Are you ready to continue?" the alien asked. Daddy nodded. The black boxes were all around him as he sniffled and cleared his throat, sitting up very straight. "You became a father during these six years," the woman smiled. "Did anything change when Tyler was born?"
"Everything changed when Tyler was born," came a whispered reply. "I-I mean I was terrified. I was a seventeen year old kid n'… suddenly there was a baby in my arms." A few more tears fell down Daddy's cheeks. "H-he was just so precious, so beautiful. I knew the first second I saw him that I would do anything and everything to protect him. It was the only purpose I had left."
Tyler sighed as he watched his daddy. He wished to run to him and climb into his arms.
The alien nodded. "Protecting him led to you raising him with the belief that the world didn't exist." Daddy's eyes looked different for a second, almost like he was angry. But not quite. "Why was that something you deemed important?"
"It just… seemed like a better option than giving him hope of anything else," Daddy muttered. "He was a happy child. He didn't need to know anything else."
Raising up her hands in defense, the woman nodded. "Of course," she conceded. "Of course, James, I completely understand that. Now, looking on a different side of things, did you ever think about asking your captor to take Tyler away?"
Suddenly the room was cold like ice. Tyler blinked, looking at his daddy, not understanding why someone would ask that. Somebodies were supposed to be nice, they were supposed to help. This Somebody was just making Daddy sad. "Away?" he asked, as though he expected it to be a mean joke. "Why— why would I ask S-Spider ta take him— h-he's my baby—"
"Is he?" the alien asked, tilting her head. "Now, James, I understand how frightening all of this must be, but we were told that you may not be the biological father—"
"Biological father— that's not—," Daddy looked like he couldn't breathe as Grandma called out for him. She put a hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off. "T-Tyler is mine. H-he's mine, he's always been mine, no DNA test is going to change that—"
"Of course," the alien said, as though she understood. "And I understand that giving him up would have been the ultimate sacrifice. But did the thought ever cross your mind? To give Tyler a different life than what you had?"
Tears streamed down Daddy's face. Race hated them and he wasn't too keen on the alien that was sitting beside the man either. He got up, as though to run to his daddy, to reach up and wipe away those tears. "He had me. We were together, that's a different life than what I had—"
"I think my client's had enough of that question," Bunsen said from beside a black box.
So the alien nodded, looking down at some paper in her hands. "Do you believe you were the best thing for Tyler?" she asked. "That having him believe there was nothing outside waiting for him was the best option?"
Daddy didn't answer. Instead, he shook his head and stood up, taking a small black dot off of his shirt and then pulling a small black box out of his pocket. He dropped them and walked upstairs as everyone tried to stop him. So Tyler tried to rush after him and make the tears go away before someone scooped him up front behind. He whined in their arms. "It's okay, bud," Uncle Specs assured. "Your daddy just needs some time." So Tyler melted into Uncle Specs's chest and went quiet, sighing as he closed his eyes tight and tried to imagine Room. Things were always easier in Room.
Everything was quiet after that. The aliens left with their big black boxes and when it got dark outside, Uncle Specs and Grandma took him upstairs and he laid down next to Daddy. Daddy's eyes were closed, but Tyler didn't think he was sleeping. It didn't matter. Tyler always went to sleep easier when he was next to his daddy.
Only, Tyler woke up not too long after that, reaching out for his daddy who would normally be much closer to him. All he found was an empty bed. Sitting up a bit confused, the boy brushed his long hair out of his face. "Daddy?" he called, slipping slowly from the bed and looking around the giant room that he still didn't understand. No one answered him. So he pushed himself up, his bare feet padding across the floor as he peaked out into the dark hallway, looking around for anyone.
Light shone from the crack beneath the door that held the bathtub and toilet. They were different than Bathtub and Toilet from Room. Bigger and nicer, like on TV. Cleaner, too. Tyler toed towards it, scared to make much noise in the dark. The world was so different than Room. In Room, everything was always so quiet. Tyler made most of the noise and his daddy made the rest. Sometimes Spider could get loud, but not usually. Out here, noise was different. Everything was different. Daddy was different. Tyler was starting to think even he was different.
The little boy made it to the large door, pausing for a long moment. "Da'?" he asked innocently, finally knocking on the door. "Daddy?" There was a faint sound coming from beyond that door, something Tyler couldn't quite make out. So he reached up for the doorknob to open it. Only, the door hit something. The child tried to push it, groaning and using all of his strength until he could peer inside.
His little blue eyes widened at what he saw. "Daddy, Daddy!" he screamed, his voice higher and more frightened than it had ever been before. "Daddy!"
Doors opened behind him, but Tyler had ears for none of them. All he could hear was his daddy gagging and coughing in a pile of throw up. All he could see was his daddy writhing and grasping a small bottle in his hand. He didn't hear Uncle Specs scream. He didn't hear Grandma gasp or Teddy cry out for her to call someone. He hardly felt arms wrap around his middle to pull him away but he felt himself scream.
Uncle Specs was crying. When Teddy sat down to hold Race in his lap, he leaned closer to listen to what he was saying. Daddy was in his arms as he rocked him and whimpered, "please hold on, Jackie. I'm right here, I'm right here. Please don't leave me again! Stay with me, JJ, please, please—"
Grandma was with them all of the sudden with a phone in her hand. "My son! My son tried to—!"
Hands were over the boy's ears before he could hear the rest. He didn't have to. His daddy used to tell him that he wasn't stupid. Tyler wished someone knew that here. His daddy was trying to let the aliens take him back to heaven.
But he wasn't ready yet. Tyler wasn't ready. "Daddy!" he cried weakly, knowing there would be no response.
And suddenly there were flashing lights outside, like there were when he and Daddy first left Room. Only this time, Daddy was being taken away from him. Grandma and Specs were with him and Teddy held him still, making sure he didn't run after his daddy too. The little boy just watched as his daddy was rolled away with tears streaming down his innocent face.
They didn't stop all night.